Grand Unifying Guesses Jesus
This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
- That carpenter guy from The Bible. Hey, bear with me now. (Incidentally this is why Jesus preaches love towards your fellow man: at some point in time he will be that man. He will be all of them. With the possible exception of Mickey Smith.
- (Possibly confirmed by Word of God, literally. Matthew 25:40 is all this editor will say on the subject.)
- (But the books that state he's not Mickey have been suppressed by the Vatican)
- He's definitely not Uwe Boll. Jesus could not be that big an asshole.
- One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is love. So loving the least of your brothers is basically expressing how large your faith in God is.
- Then why is homosexuality not allowed?
- Wrong kind of love
- Mokona from Magic Knight Rayearth ...oh wait...
- Sophia from Doraemon ... oh, wait...
- Aslan from The Chronicles Of Narnia....oh crap, this is becoming a pattern...
- The God Emperor of Mankind from Warhammer40000. ...oh fucking yeah...
- Everyone from Neon Genesis Evangelion but most especially Kaworu (He died for our sins!) and Lilith/Yui Ikari/Rei Ayanami, who was crucified by the Lilim to create the Evangelions, died thrice to save Shinji, and became the universal angel/companion for all of us through initiating Instrumentality / The Rapture with a heaping help of psychoanalytical therapy and merchandising. Most especially for the suffering, persecuted, downtrodden, ridiculed, decaying, hidden, lowly Otaku.
- Everyone in Suzumiya Haruhi but most especially Kyon (The Chosen One whose task is to take God's Judgement upon his shoulders to save us from Armageddon when God comes to Judge this boring world) and Mikuru (Messianic Archetype. Mikuru was also crucified, humiliated, ridiculed and decorated with balloons for our sins).
- Kyon is the True God/Jesus, Yuki/The Data Overmind is Sophia while Haruhi is the Demiurge.
- Everyone in Final Fantasy but most especially Aerith (Messianic Archetype side, if she didn't die, then HOLY would not be cast and the Lifestream would not be able to save itself) and Sephiroth (the OT God aka "Jenova" and that one who gets to kick everyone's butts in the Apocalypse, or if you like, the God-Emperor of Mankind.)
- In keeping with this page: The Avatar, who has been, and will be, all these people and more.
- Ash Ketchum. Why else is he "The One" in so many prophecies?
- Cortana is a Gender Bender example.
- Kamina died for our sins.
- Optimus Prime died for our sins. Repeatedly.
- Lelouch from Code Geass. He did literally took the world's hatred to him in the end.
- C.C. is Sophia, Suzaku is St. Peter and St. Paul while Ohgi is Judas Iscariot.
- Madoka. Come on, taking the witchy despair and suffering of the world on herself and being erased from existence to give us hope on the Real Life Good Friday?
- Homura is Sophia while Kyubey is the Demiurge.
- Alternatively, thanks to multiple timelines, Madoka and Homura are two "human/flawed" parts of one Jesus. Initially in the original timeline Madoka is a full-blown messiah who suffers for Homuhomu's sins. When Homuhomu wished for Time Lord powers to protect Madoka, in other timelines (like the series timeline) she suffers for Madoka's sins, making Madoka gain the power of multiple universes revolving around her. And in the end Madokami suffers for everyone's sins.
- WALL•E. It also helps that the story is a Noah's Ark allegory.
- Neo from The Matrix. "Whoa!"
- Superman, who is also Moses.
- Joan of Arcadia
- And to an extent, the real life Joan of Arc.
- Collin, the Anointed One
- Fei and Elly from Xenogears
- Winston Churchill, and by extension King Arthur. After all, he did help save the world from Those Wacky Nazis, who were trying to destroy his religion.
- Captain Sheridan
- Dave Jones
- Conan the Barbarian
- Annie from Gunnerkrigg Court
- The Tenth Doctor. Come on, reborn and saving the world on Christmas Day?
- Tommy Oliver
- The 300 Spartans. Yes, Really. Don't think this was a joke, but they sacrificed their lives (and were betrayed) to save the future of the Western world.
- They sacrificed their lives to secure the future of Greece, which the modern Western world desperately wants to associate themselves with because they rocked.
- Flash Gordon. Oh, come on! Saviour of the universe? He's for every one of us, stand for every one of us? No-one but the pure of heart can climb the Golden Grail? He even hangs out with a Jewish guy, what more do you want?
- Jaye Tyler, if she isn't crazy.
- Annabelle Sykes
- Kiba from Wolf's Rain - he and his "disciples" all died so that the world could be resurrected.
- River Tam. Hey, she was fixing Book's Bible for a reason.
- Bertie Wooster. Jeeves is an angel sent to keep him on the right course.
- Kane. He died twice at the hands of GDI and rose again. After all, You Can't Kill The Messiah.
- Kara Thrace. Or possibly also Gaius Baltar. Or Laura Roslin. Or Chip!Six. Or D'Anna. Hey, being the messiah of two entirely different (except kind of not) belief systems is a busy job — wouldn't you try and delegate some of it if you could?
- Nathan Hale from The Dreamer
- Kim Possible: Yes, really. She "can do anything". She saves the world on a regular basis, and when she isn't doing that, she's helping people offscreen, and remains largely humble. You'd nearly expect the series to end with her dying for our sins.
- No, Ron's the Jesus here. He was the one who killed the alienes at the end of the movie.
- By The Actor Rule, anyone voiced by Scott MacNeil.
- Hikari, from Futari wa Pretty Cure Max Heart, by virtue of the Queen being God (see below).
- Wouldn't this also make Hikaru the Anti-christ?
- Sailor Moon: She's literally referred to as the messiah, she can bring herself back from the dead and purify evil, and she rules over her own version of heaven in the future.
- Sailor Saturn is the Sophia to Sailor Moon's Jesus. Sailor Galaxia is The Antichrist.
- Mega Man X. It dosen't help that he was given a Hijacked by Jesus makeover in the Mega Man Zero series.
- Sankt Kaiser Olivier
and by extension Vivio Takamachi. Vivio is an ordinary elementary school student.
- Tyler Durden is Christ, Marla Singer is Sophia and the Narrator is Judas Iscariot.
- Donnie Darko is Christ with Jim Cunningham as the Anti-Christ.
- BATMAN DIED FOR YOUR SINS! Endorsed by Jesus himself!
- Some (if not all) versions of Link.
- Every Messianic Archetype. Hey, nothing said he can't come back more than twice!
- Anyone from This Trope.
- Every Time Lord ever.
- Every character, real or fictional.