Conan the Barbarian
The Arnold movies can be reconciled with the original Howard stories...despite the massive changes to everything. They simply aren't about Conan of Cimmeria, but rather Konahn of Simaria.
The sleeping god from Conan the Destroyer was really supposed to be CthulhuThey refer to it as the sleeping or dreaming god constantly, and when his summoning is messed up he looks like a weird Cthulhu star-spawn. It would have been Cthulhu if she had been sacrificed but instead they got that thing.
When Conan attained royal status he took the name Kalidor.Kalidor in Red Sonja is Conan after he became a prince and took Kalidor as his regal christening.
Valeria has a sisterProviding Kalidor is Conan, then the resemblance Queen Gedren has to Valeria is no coincidence; they are sisters, with Gedren likely serving the role of Evil Twin.
Valeria’s funeral pyreWhen they first meet, the wizard Akiro tells Conan that his home is looked after by powerful gods and he later says great kings are buried in the mounds nearby and that “fire won’t burn there.” During Valeria’s funeral, he likewise tells this to Subotai, who proceeds to light her pyre successfully anyway. This happens for one or two reasons: Either the spirits (the kings in particular) admire Valeria’s valor and so allow the fire to burn OR they permit it because Valeria is, in fact, of royal blood like them and they are embracing her. See the preceding theory for further supporting evidence.
Thulsa Doom is an Immortal from Highlander.He's said to be immortal, and Conan kills him by cutting his head off! What more do you want?
Assuming the Serpent-Man of Yig revelation holds true......and Thulsa Doom’s true form was the giant snake he turned into in his throne room, not James Earl Jones, then all the snakes that appear in the movie in relation to him are his children. The other giant snake Conan beheads is either another child, a sibling or his mate.
Conan is actually a Terminator.The movie version, that is. If you make a small boy push a giant mill wheel round in circles for years, it won't build up both sides of his body equally. In fact, it will kill him. But by a strange coincidence just as he collapses a time-travelling cyborg with a damaged memory appears and, for reasons best explained as a system bug, listens to the boys dying words about Crom, revenge, and the Riddle of Steel and imprints on them (in particular the part about steel). This explains why Conan has almost no personality, speaks about twenty lines in the entire film, gives away enormous rubies and feels no pain whatsoever.
Conan is the son of Crom.This explains his nearly superhuman attributes, his combination of invocation and disrespect towards gods in general (familiarity breeds contempt), his resistance to magic and mind control, his inability to find a home among any mortal culture, and his legendary status. When his mortal shell "died", his soul was taken into Crom's mountain.
Conan is Marv...somehow.
Thulsa Doom was deliberately setting up Conan to become a mighty hero
Conan is a mutantLike the "Son of Crom" theory (which I also like) it explains things like his being able to survive (and win) battles against EldritchAbominations and to chop off limbs with a single stroke (and in one story through an iron bar) without his blade ever getting dull. He unconciously projects a field around any edged weapon that effectively turns it into a monomolecular blade. Plus of course slightly superhuman strength and more than slightly superhuman endurance. A mild Healing Factor would also explain why, after being crucified in "A Witch Is Born" Through the wrists and ankles he's ever able to wield a sword or walk again.
The Hyborian Age is actually the Age of Man from The Lord of the Rings.It's mentioned that after the elves sail away to the Undying Lands, Middle Earth will become ruled by humans, eventually leading into our own Earth. The Hyborian Age was also created as a fictional ancient past of our world. Furthermore, some of the geography between Middle-Earth and Hyboria is remarkably similar.
Conan is Riddick...somehow.