In 'Rogues in the House': While the house's Evil Genius is about to activate a trap on one of Conan's buddies, Conan 'grabs the nearest bar stool and throws it, cracking the villain's skull open'. He then makes a remark and goes back to his drinking. Murillo, Conan's buddy, even point out what an idiot the villain was for gloating.
Another one in 'Rogues in the House' is the manner in how Conan is ultimately caught by the guards. He flees from them while drunk, and runs into the door frame so hard, he knocks himself out! (This is our Invincible Hero?)
"Did I tell the Stygian to fall in love with me? After all, she was only human!"
In Black Colossus, Princess Yasmela decides to put Conan in charge of her army. She summons the nobles to her, gives a speech about how she's chosen who will lead her armies, and pulls back a curtain:
It was perhaps not an entirely happy moment for the disclosure. Conan was sprawled in his chair, his feet propped on the ebony table, busily engaged in gnawing a beef-bone which he gripped firmly at both hands. He glanced casually at the astounded nobles...
Yasmela's decision comes from her god Mitra telling her to give the command of her army to the first man she meets in the streets. First man is Conan complaining the bars close too early and he lost money gambling.
The ending of "The Scarlet Citadel", where Conan, after an epic adventure of imprisonment, encounters with monsters, escape, and winning his kingdom back from a usurper witnesses his ally Pelias' magical revenge on Tsotha-Lanti and essentially reacts with I Need a Freaking Drink.
Possibly an unintentional one, but in "Queen of the Black Coast", Conan realises that he's standing under a black lotus and is being drugged by its scent. What does he do? Go away? Hold his breath? No, he attacks the flower with his sword.
Earlier in the story, Conan's already low supply of fucks to give about civilization, courts, and other irrelevant things runs out. The events themselves are more fitting for the Awesome page, but the hilariously contemptuous and blazé manner in which Conan talks about them puts this quote here:
"Well, last night in a tavern, a captain in the king's guard offered violence to the sweetheart of a young soldier, who naturally ran him through. But it seems there is some cursed law against killing guardsmen, and the boy and his girl fled away. It was bruited about that I was seen with them, and so today I was haled into court, and a judge asked me where the lad had gone. I replied that since he was a friend of mine, I could not betray him. Then the court waxed wroth, and the judge talked a great deal about my duty to the state, and society, and other things I did not understand, and bade me tell where my friend had flown. By this time I was becoming wrathful myself, for I had explained my position.
But I choked my ire and held my peace, and the judge squalled that I had shown contempt for the court, and that I should be hurled into a dungeon to rot until I betrayed my friend. So then, seeing they were all mad, I drew my sword and cleft the judge's skull; then I cut my way out of the court, and seeing the high constable's stallion tied near by, I rode for the wharfs, where I thought to find a ship bound for foreign parts."
In The Vale of Lost Women, Conan has said he won't hold the Girl of the Week to her promise to sleep with him in exchange for rescuing her, and will instead send her home. The girl is so happy she hugs Conan's knees. Conan is embarrassed, and doesn't get why she's so happy.
Conan: Crom, girl, don't do that; you'd think I was doing you a favor by kicking you out of this country; haven't I explained that you're not the proper woman for the warchief of the Bamula's?
In "Hour of the Dragon", deposed Conan visits an old contact from his pirate days for help becoming un-deposed. The man can't believe Conan is still alive, let alone dropping by for a visit unannounced, but starts to pour wine anyway, only for Conan to grab the jug and start drinking straight from it.
Later in the same story, after Conan has freed slaves aboard a galley and steered them to Stygia in pursuit of the MacGuffin. He departs the boat to chase the man who has it, the crew starts a lament for his departure... then Conan pops his head back over the rail to tell them to shut the hell up ("curse them into silence").
Conan — Blood of the Serpent: Conan remembers the sacking of Venarium, finding the wine cellar, hacking in the top of a cask in with his sword and dunking his head in.
Things got blurry after that.
Conan and Valeria trying to figure out why a Stygian priest of Set seems to have taken a disliking to her. Valeria thinks he doesn't like Northerners, and Conan concedes that's probably true, but there are plenty of Northerners in the Free Companions (including Conan) and the priest doesn't seem to mind them
Conan's limited command of the Stygian language. He knows several military commands, as well as "essential phrases" like "give me a drink" and "how much for the night?" The latter, in particular, could be viewed as a request for a room... or a companion to join him in said room.
One of Conan's sidequests while he is trying to catch up with Valeria in the final third of the novel (involving a fling with a black female warrior) retroactively turns a rather racist comment of his in Red Nails into a hilarious Suspiciously Specific Denial.
Comics
In one of the later Savage Sword of Conan stories, Conan's pirate crew has been captured and taken prisoner at a port city in Kush. When taken to the royal court, he notices the queen "giving him the eye." Conan is later tossed in a cell with the demon Imhotep, a former ally who has been enchanted to resemble a human. He remarks to the demon when the guards appear outside that they have likely arrived to take Conan to the queen's chambers, and if he manages to escape, he "may" come back to free the demon. It then turns out that the guards are there for Imhotep, who is the queen's lover. As Imhotep is being escorted out, he turns to Conan and tells Conan not to worry, "as I may come back for you."
