Recap / The Nostalgia Critic S 8 E 8

Release: April 14, 2015

Film: Demolition Man

Tagline: Brilliant commentary or dumb Dick Flick?

This review provides examples of:

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• Achievements in Ignorance: Somehow, Malcolm's theory about the three seashells' purpose (to be processed into toilet paper) achieves world peace... yeah, even he is dumbstruck.
• Bait-and-Switch: In order to demonstrate that "dick flicks" can have a more meaningful message than the concept would make you think, Devil Boner exposes a man's battle for his humanity, a man's struggle to define what is reality and this film, which talks about Political Correctness Is Evil.
• Brick Joke: The Critic asks Malcolm and Tamara to research the purpose of the seashells and he asks their results at the end of the review.
• Call-Back:
  • The Critic attributes San Angeles' crime-free record to The Purge being enabled.
    Critic: "Hey, don't question it! It just works!"
• Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: The Critic threatens to place Malcolm and Tamara in a spinal cord removal machine if they fail their seashell research.
• Fridge Logic: Invoked on three occasions:
  • The Critic wonders why Cocteau programmed Phoenix to have all sorts of martial arts and hacking skills, but not the police.
  • He also pointed out that the SAPD car's security systems disregard it being shot repeatedly, bumping into things at high speed and having a door ripped off long before activating the safety foam that allows Spartan to survive the crash into the SAPD HQ's fountain.
  • He also brings up the many ways Huxley could have helped Spartan in his final battle against Phoenix had the former not zapped her unconscious beforehand (or as The Critic prefers to call it, "a little game called 'What Huxley Could Have Done While Stallone Gets His Ass Kicked!'").
• Ham-to-Ham Combat: The museum battle (the "battle for the lamest 90's action come-back"), complete with scoreboard and play commentary by The Critic.
• Hilarious in Hindsight: The Critic's In-Universe opinion of the film, describing it as being more appropriate for the mid-2010s than it was back in 1993.
• Hypocritical Humor: The Critic calls Lenina Huxley a loser for being nostalgic for the 20th century.
• Lame Comeback: The Critic considers Spartan saying "Not" to one of Phoenix's one-liners in the final fight this and says that Huxley could have said something better had she come along.
• Mondegreen Gag: The Critic points out that Stallone yelling "PHOENIX!" really sounds like "PENIS!"
• My God, You Are Serious!: Malcolm's reaction to being ordered to research the meaning of the three seashells under pain of spine removal.
• Rated M for Manly: The Critic's view on action movies from The '80s and The '90s and the concept of the "dick flick" in general.
• Riddle for the Ages: How are seashells used in lieu of toilet paper? Then, later in the film, it's revealed that Taco Bell won the Franchise Wars, making them the only fast food chain left in existence, a notion so outlandish that it makes Critic dismiss the seashell riddle.
• Right-Hand Cat: The Critic uses his Appa plushie as one while ordering Malcolm and Tamara to search for the meaning of the three seashells.
• Running Gag:
  • The above-mentioned "PHOENIX!/PENIS!" joke.
  • Devil Boner returns to help preface the Critic's introductory essay on the overly masculine nature of 90s films.
  • On pointing out how Spartan managed to survive the explosion of Phoenix's stronghold at the beginning of the movie offscreen, he sarcastically suggests that there was probably a Coke machine in there someplace.
  • Bringing back the "I WAS FROZEN TODAY!" snip from Suburban Commando moments before the Spartan's cryogenic prison is fully shut.
  • Wondering if the advertisement jingle radio station broadcasts the "don't you put it in your mouth" ad from his "Commercials" specials.
• Shout-Out:
  • The Critic suggests that Simon Phoenix looks like what happens if Ronald McDonald and Beetlejuice sponsored a human Happy Meal toy.
  • Leia's "I love you" scene is slipped into that of Spartan's freezing.
  • During the scene where the warden briefs the defrosted Simon for his parole hearing, the Critic splices this line:
    Critic!Warden: You will steal me an Ever-Lasting Gob-Stopper...
  • Calling Phoenix's outfit after escaping Cryo-Prison a disguise of "Dennis Rodman The Menace".
  • Before sending off Malcolm and Tamara to find the meaning of the three seashells, the Critic bids them "May the odds ever be in your favor" (complete with Effie's accent).
  • Calling Cocteau's museum outfit a "White Castle Pope".
  • After mentioning that Phoenix is programmed to kill Edgar Friendly (and not Cocteau):
  Cocteau: Isn't there a thought repeating in that barbaric brain of yours? The name "Friendly"? Edgar Friendly? Don't you have someone to kill?
  Critic: But he didn't say, "would you kindly"?
  • The Critic takes censure on Phoenix's poor aiming skills, claiming even Mr Magoo could do better.
• Take That!:
  • The Critic takes the time to deal multiple potshots at Taco Bell, starting with pointing out that it had a bad run in Mexico and escalating from there (even pointing out that the rat-burgers on the underground have got to be better than the futuristic tacos).
  • The Critic claims that Michael Bay "wishes he could be as fucked up" as the audiences during the early 90s, when action movies were all about senseless violence.
  • While describing the many male actors (and Sigourney Weaver) who made a lot of Rated M for Manly films, the Critic counts out Steven Seagal.
  • The Crapsaccharine World of San Angeles is compared to Tumblr social justice blogs (or was at least run by either MSNBC or Tea Partiers), and underground Los Angeles in turn to 4chan.
  • The Critic wonders why is Rob Schneider's very presence an exception among the many restrictions of San Angeles.
  • On the subject of the post-apocalyptic 1996 Los Angeles the film starts in, the Critic quips:
    "Yup! I remember when 1996 looked like that! California was on fire, crime was everywhere, celebrities were fighting each other while dressed like jackasses... actually, what am I talking about? This was LA in 1996!"
  • During the scene where SAPD officers confront Simon for the first time and say their orders very nervously, the Critic snarks that this is what every minority wishes the LAPD, notorious for cases of real-life Police Brutality, was like.
  • Huxley reveals to Spartan that his wife died during the "big one" (most likely an earthquake) in 2010. The Critic then nervously points out to The Last Airbender as that "big one".
  • When the Critic sees the scene where a thug played by Jesse Ventura kills Cocteau, the Critic claims this was how he got his other political job.
• They Wasted a Perfectly Good Plot:invoked The idea of the "franchise wars" (of which Taco Bell was the last fast-food company standing) is deemed as an interesting prequel idea by The Critic (although he imagines Burger King using Spartan Cows and KFC using mutated octopus-chickens).
• That Came Out Wrong: After describing the movie's future version of sex as "Virtual Boy sex", the Critic says "That came out much worse than I intended... as did that."
• The Unintelligible: The Critic's Stallone impression (for extra funny, the fact that he cannot be understood by the judge is why he was sentenced to Cryo-Prison on the sketch).
• "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue: How the Achievements in Ignorance trope is presented at the end.

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"PENIS!"