Release: April 28, 2015
Film: The Legend of Zorro
Tagline: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED????
This review provides examples of:
- Actor Allusion: In-Universe. Harrigan asks Elena if she'd be interested in a show about an island that was ruined by a writer's strike.
- Face Palm: Two groanworthy moments involve the ruler fight Joaquin has with his adult teacher, as well as how Joaquin sneaks onto the enemy base.
- Fantasy Sequence: Critic's idea of the "sword" fight Joaquin has with his teacher is this while in reality, Joaquin's getting paddled by the teacher.
- Groin Attack: The Critic has to impose this upon himself while trying to calm down his lust for Catherine Zeta-Jones.
- Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: The Critic cites The Dragon being one of these as a major problem with the film.
- Long List: Where Armand says the American people are their own country's greatest weakness, the Critic has prepared a Wall of Text of many more weaknesses than that.Fast Food - Pride - Dependence on Phones - Dick Pics - Porn - Bad Government - Corruption - Michael Bay Movies - Pollution - Overtaxing - Causing Climate Change - TMZ - YouTube Comments - Pretty Much ANY Comments Online - Watching TLC - Still Calling It TLC - Bitching About Nothing - White Privilege - Bad Education - Cat Memes - Any Memes - Kryptonite (Yes, We're Actually Allergic to That) - Chipmunk Films - Giving Kanye West Work - High Cholesterol - Fox News - MSNBC - Kim Kardashian - Tabloid Magazines - Weird Greeting Cards - White Castle - Obsessing Over Bad Fashion - Drugs - That Creepy Guy from the Six Flags Commercials - Snobby Hipsters - Crime - Bad Zorro Sequels
- Obviously Evil: What he describes Rufus Sewell as not just in this movie, but anything else he's been in.
- Running Gag: Insulting the film in the style of Zorro's theme.Zorry Zorry Zorry Zorry Zorry Zorry
- Sequelitis: His In-Universe opinion of the film compared to The Mask of Zorro, which makes the tagline appropriate.
- Surprisingly Realistic Outcome: When Catherine Zeta-Jones is first introduced, Critic tries to tame his erection by whipping it. He then winces in pain because getting your penis whipped really hurts.
Listen to me, you backwards-ass frog!
