Recap / Taskmaster Series Sixteen

Taskmaster recap index
British series:
Series: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen | Fourteen | Fifteen | Sixteen | Seventeen
Specials: Champion of Champions | New Year Treats and One-Offs
New Zealand series:
Seasons: One | Two | Three | Four
Australian series:
Seasons: One

Cast

From left: Sam Campbell, Sue Perkins, Susan Wokoma, Greg Davies, Alex Horne, Julian Clary, Lucy Beaumont

• Taskmaster: Greg Davies
• Taskmaster's Assistant: Alex Horne
• Contestants: Julian Clary, Lucy Beaumont, Sam Campbell, Sue Perkins and Susan Wokoma
• Teams:
  • Sue Perkins and Susan Wokoma ("The Team Of Sues"/"The Dynamite Chicks")^note Sam calls them the latter in Episode 4 while defending their attempt at a task.
  • Julian Clary, Lucy Beaumont and Sam Campbell ("The Natural Friends")^note Greg refers to them as this in the first episode, aptly summing up their incredibly awkward first meeting.

As with prior recap pages, this page contains unmarked spoilers; you are strongly advised to watch the episodes before opening the folders or viewing this page. You have been warned.

Episodes

Episode 1 - "The Natural Friends"

• Prize Task: The Most Wonderful Wooden Thing They've Owned For A While
  • Winner: Julian - a wooden table he once had commissioned^note the table legs are carved to resemble human buttocks (5 points)
  • Sue - an original piece of art painted by "Henry, the liberated chimpanzee" (4 points)
  • Sam - a grotesque Pinocchio puppet (3 points)
  • Susan - a (non-haunted) wind chime she received at a volcano (2 points)
  • Lucy - a "wooden picture of a boxer dog"^note more accurately, a picture of a boxer dog in a wooden frame, which she claims contains the spirit of a boxer dog which haunted her room one night (1 point)

• Task 1: Build A Tower Out Of The Cans In The Lab. You Must Put On Your Blindfold In This Room^note the living room And Wear It Properly For The Rest Of The Task. Tallest Tower Wins. You Have Five Minutes^note a pre-existing tower of cans of unknown height was already in the lab
  • Winner: Sam - 20 cans^note added the can the blindfold came in to the tower in the lab without knocking any over; spent the rest of the task curled on the floor in the foetal position (5 points)
  • Julian - 17 cans^note knocked down a few of the top levels of the can tower in the lab, but a large amount remained standing and he managed to add some back (4 points)
  • Susan - 11 cans (3 points)
  • Lucy - 6 cans^note the amount still left standing after she knocked the original tower of cans over upon entering the room (2 points)
  • Sue - 1 can^note knocked over the existing tower with such frequency that all the cans were spilled; attempted to pile cans up in her lap, but the Taskmaster ruled the tower must be free-standing (1 point)

• Task 2: Team Task - Connect The Most Individual Parts Of One Person To Individual Parts Of Another Person. All Members Of Your Team Must Be Connected. You Are Now Ready For The Actual Task. Cross The Finish Line With All Connections Still Connected. Fastest Wins
  • Winners: Julian, Lucy and Sam - unknown connections^note they cut locks of each member's hair off and attached them to a clip, then all held the clip, 11. 5 secs (5 points)
  • Sue and Susan - 12 connections, "just over" 90 secs (2 points)

• Task 3: Get The [Giant] Duck Into The Lake. You Must Not Touch The Beak. If The Duck Leaves The Course, It Must Re-Enter At The Point It Left The Course. If Your Duck Touches The Boundary, A Flamingo, Or A Pineapple, One Minute Will Be Added To Your Time. Fastest Wins
  • Winner: Susan — 3 min 20 sec ^note no penalty (5 points)
  • Sue — 9 min 45 sec^note no penalty; removed obstacles and extended the boundaries before dragging the duck with rope, meaning she didn't hit anything (4 points)
  • Sam — 11 min 20 sec ^note 2 min 20 sec + 9 min penalty; hit nine items (3 points)
  • Julian and Lucy (Disqualified)^note both touched the duck's beak
    • Julian — 6 min 15 sec^note 4 min 15 + 2 min penalty; two objects hit
    • Lucy — 12 min 44 sec^note 2 min 44 sec + 10 min penalty; hit ten items

• Live Task: Say Whether You Think The Next Item Is Lighter Or Heavier Than The Previous Item. If You Are Wrong You Are Eliminated. Last Person Standing Wins
  • Winner: Julian, Lucy and Sam^note all correctly guessed one item (5 points)
  • Sue and Susan^note failed to correctly guess any items (2 points)
    • Order of eliminations, from first to last: Susan, Sue, Julian, Lucy, Sam

• Episode Ranking:
  1. Sam Campbell (21 points)
  2. Julian Clary (19 points)
  3. Susan Wokoma (14 points)
  4. Lucy Beaumont and Sue Perkins (13 points)

Episode 2 - "Hell Is Here"

• Prize Task: The Best Sign
  • Winner: Sue - a sign which once pointed to the toilets in BBC Television Centre, liberated on the last day of operation as BBC property (5 points)^note with the aid of 2021 New Year's Treat contestant Claudia Winkleman
  • Susan - the sign for "Cock Pond, Clapham Common" (4 points)
  • Sam - a 'slippery floor' sign from the British Library (3 points)
  • Lucy - a pub sign from the home pub run by her and her husband (2 points)
  • Julian - the sign indicating food in the green room at the Hull Literary Festival^note which was basically FOOD FOR ARTISTS HERE crudely scrawled across two sheets of paper (1 point)

• Task 1: Pull The Sword From The Stone. You May Not Force The Sword Or Break The Stone. The Champion Is The One Who Releases The Sword Fastest^note To release the sword, contestants had to say a particular word — WIDDICOMBE, as in Series 1 Champion Josh Widdicombe. Various puzzles around the grounds guided them to this word, including several acronyms, pictures of all the champions aside from Josh, the letters of his name scattered around the task area, a family tree with one of his ancestors as shown on Who Do You Think You Are?, and a picture of him behind the fake door.
  • Winner: Julian - 10 min 23 sec^note a particularly impressive feat considering he had not, in the words of the Taskmaster, "kept abreast with some of the more recent comedians" (5 points)
  • Susan - 14 min (4 points)
  • Lucy - 28 minutes (3 points)
  • Sam - 32 min (2 points)
  • Sue - 33 min 21 sec (1 point)

• Task 2: Make A Cheeky Picture On This Piece Of Wood Using Nails And One Continuous Piece Of Wire. Also, If Any Egg Timers Stop, You Must Shake Your Head At The Camera For Ten Seconds. Best Cheeky Picture Wins. You Have Twenty Minutes
  • Winner: Sam and Sue (5 points)
    • Sam - a picture of a person who hides their luscious hair under a hat^note the Taskmaster acknowledged that his attempt to pass this off as cheeky was, in itself, quite cheeky. It was also one of the few pictures that actually resembled what it was supposed to resemble
    • Sue - a classic 'cock and balls'
  • Susan - a rather abstract picture of a topless woman taking her dog for a walk while the dog is 'going a bit kink' (3 points)
  • Julian - what was originally going to be a face but ended up as apparently 'a deformed sperm' (2 points)
  • Lucy - what was (apparently) supposed to be a penis with wings but has ended up, in the Taskmaster's words, with "a meaningless shape on a board" (1 point)

• Task 3: Make Mischief. Most Mischevious Wins. You Have A Maximum Of Half An Hour
  • Winner: Susan - inflicted a fake task on Sam which required him to stand up and shout "Mice!" whenever he saw a mouse or sit down and say "Fish!" whenever he saw a fish for twenty minutes while locked in the toilet^note the Taskmaster's Assistant noted that "mice" and "fish", when combined, are an anagram of "mischief" (5 points)
  • Sue - lured the Taskmaster's Assistant into the caravan with a task requiring him to follow a lollipop trail (while somehow fitting each lolly into his mouth) before dropping a portcullis and sealing him in once he was inside (4 points)
  • Julian - a series of fake fan-letters to Jacob Rees-Mogg^note hard-right British politician known for his pro-Brexit views and rather antiquated mannerisms. According to Alex, Rees-Mogg (or at least someone in his office) apparently responded and Stephen Mulhern^note host of Deal or No Deal at time of writing. According to the Taskmaster's Assistant, Mulhern did not respond, but only because the production team neglected to put enough postage on the envelope meaning it was returned (3 points)
  • Lucy - robbed several members of the crew after luring them into a fake seance^note points docked due to the lacklustre performance of the crew members, though the Taskmaster did note that he didn't believe it was her fault and he enjoyed the idea (2 points)
  • Sam - dropped the Taskmaster's Assistant's phone cover into a bowl of water before hitting it with a hammer^note he intended the Taskmaster's Assistant to believe his phone had been destroyed, but at no point was the Assistant fooled (1 point)

• Live Task: Write Down One Thing You Like And One Thing You Don't Like. You Have Thirty Seconds. Then, Draw Your Two Things At The Same Time. Best Pair Of Pictures Wins
  • Winner: Julian - Jacob Rees-Mogg and Stephen Mulhern (5 points)
  • Sue - Jacob Rees-Mogg and Stephen Mulhern (4 points)
  • Susan - dancing and sweaty backs (3 points)
  • Lucy - peas and cauliflower (2 points)
  • Sam - world cinema and negative gearing (1 point)

• Tiebreaker: Memorise Pi To The Most Decimal Places
  • Winner: Sue Perkins (+1 Tiebreaker Point)
  • Runner-Up: Susan Wokoma

This is the first tiebreaker task in which both contestants have the same name.

• Episode Ranking:
  1. Sue Perkins (19 points + 1 tiebreaker point)
  2. Susan Wokoma (19 points)
  3. Julian Clary (16 points)
  4. Sam Campbell (12 points)
  5. Lucy Beaumont (10 points)

Episode 3 - "Languidly"

• Prize Task: The Present You've Been Given Which Raises The Most Questions
  • Winner: Sam - The Thesaurus of English?^note a thesaurus which Sam has exhaustively gone through to draw a question mark after every word (5 points)
  • Julian - a glamourous penis-themed collage given to him by a fan after a show (4 points)
  • Lucy - a quiche lorraine (3 points)
  • Sue - a suspiciously phallic, large and sex-toy-like toy bone she was given with a dog she was fostering (2 points)
  • Susan - a Snickers bar reportedly given to her for Christmas by her brother (1 point)

• Task 1: Get The Ball In The Hole^note while there were multiple holes, marked by red flags, most of these were fake: the actual hole was closer to the starting point but hidden behind the Taskmaster's Assistant. Nothing May Touch The Ball. After You Touch One Tool, You May Not Touch Another Tool For One Minute^note all tools were devices to produce or channel a stream of air. If You Decide To Touch The Welly, You Must Only Do So With Your Foot^note the boot was connected to a leaf-blower, which was all counted as the 'welly'. Fastest Wins
  • Winner: Julian - 3 min 25 sec (5 points)
  • Sam - 3 min 31 sec (4 points)
  • Lucy - 5 min 2 sec (3 points)
  • Susan - 8 min 24 sec (2 points)
  • Sue - 9 min 32 sec (1 point)

• Task 2: Get Underneath The Most Unique Things. The Taskmaster's Assistant Will Write Down Your Unique Thing When You Should "I Am Underneath It". If You Get Underneath Something That Someone Else Gets Underneath, You Both Lose Five Things From Your Total. You Have Ten Minutes
  • Winner: Sam - 74 unique items - 25^note five duplications = 49 points (5 points)
  • Julian and Sue (4 points)
    • Julian - 25 unique items - 30^note six duplications = -5 points
    • Sue - 20 unique items - 25^note five duplications = -5 points
  • Lucy - 12 unique items - 45^note nine duplications = -33 points (2 points)
  • Susan - Precise amounts unspecified (1 point)

• Task 3: Choose A New Nickname Based On Something You Do In The Next Twenty Minutes. Best Nickname Wins. Your Time Started When You Smiled
  • Winner: Sam - "Doctor Cigarettes"^note accosted random strangers on the street until one gave him that nickname (5 points)
  • Lucy - "Lucyfer The Rock God"^note made a ruckus in the caravan, culminating in her biting a tree (4 points)
  • Sue - "Lassue Perkins"^note "shot" a bunch of cans from off and around The Taskmaster's Assistant's head (accomplished with string), then lassoed the Taskmaster cow and rode it (3 points)
  • Susan - "Chain Bastard"^note tied the Taskmaster's Assistant up in the lab with chains and blindfolded him, then poked and rubbed him with branches and feathers, while telling him to announce that "Chain Bastard" was in control (2 points)
  • Julian - "Butch"^note thumped the table in the caravan, accidentally dislodging it. He then apologised for doing so (1 point)

• Live Task: Team Task - Taskmaster Battleship: One Member Of Your Team Must Lie On Three Of The Squares And Go To Sleep. After They Take Their Position They Must Not Move Until The Task Is Over. Taking It In Turns, The Other Team Members Must Try To Land Their Cushion In Each Of The Three Sleep Squares. First Team To Strike Out The Sleeper Wins^note Adapted from Taskmaster New Zealand Season 3
  • Winners: Julian, Lucy and Sam (5 points)
  • Susan and Sue (0 points)

• Episode Ranking:
  1. Sam 'Doctor Cigarettes' Campbell (24 points)
  2. Julian 'Butch' Clary (19 points)
  3. Lucy 'Lucyfer the Rock God' Beaumont (17 points)
  4. Sue 'Lassue' Perkins (10 points)
  5. Susan 'Chain Bastard' Wokoma (6 points)

Episode 4 - "Dynamite Chicks"

• Prize Task: The Best Thing For A Grown-Up Which Is Meant For A Child
  • Winner: Lucy - a "bi-pack"^note a bib with a long container attached for storing food (5 points)
  • Julian - a copy of Biggles Takes It Rough by Captain W.E. Johns^note the Taskmaster's Assistant noted that about half of the Biggles books sound equally dirty (4 points)
  • Sue - an adult nappy (3 points)
  • Susan - a lava lamp^note she claimed it was medically recommended for sufferers of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Not only was this roundly questioned, the Taskmaster's Assistant also pointed out that lava lamps are not recommended for persons under 14, though as 15-year-olds still count as children it was permitted on a technicality (2 points)
  • Sam - his birth certificate^note the Taskmaster declared it was not intended for a child, but rather for use as an adult (1 point)

• Task 1: Make A Sausage. You Can Only Use Seven Ingredients, Each Beginning With The Letters Of The Word 'Sausage'. You Have Five Minutes To Order Your Ingredients And Twenty Minutes To Prepare Your Sausage. The Most Surprisingly Pleasant Sausage Wins. You May Not Order Sausages^note Adapted from Taskmaster (NZ) Season 1
  • Winner: Sue^note ingredients: Salmon, Anchovies, Unalive cod, Some prawns, All the herbs, Garlic, Eggs. On the podcast, both Ed and Julian suggested she had just made unusually-shaped fishcakes, but she contended the next week that at least one of them was distinct from a fishcake (5 points)
  • Julian^note ingredients: Sticky toffee, A decorative plate, Underwear (edible), Streaky bacon (vegan), Apple, Granola, Edamame (4 points)
  • Lucy^note ingredients: Some carrots, Apple, Urgh, banana, Some more carrots, Apple, Grapes, Eggs (3 points)
  • Susan^note ingredients: Strawberries, Aubergine, Undies, Salt, Avocado, Green leaf, Edible glitter. No, she did not specify that the underwear should be edible, and did not, in fact, get edible underwear (2 points)
  • Sam^note ingredients: Skin, Apple cider vinegar, Ugly raisins, Spinach, Artisanal seeds, Grains, Egg or 3 (1 point)

• Task 2: Team Task - Complete All The Tasks^note Eat one bowl of cereal in the lab; sniff the front door; shake hands (each team member had to shake hands with each other team member); name a total of five biscuits; make your buckets look like your faces; do a total of twenty squats; shake hands (again); tell each other something you've done that you regret; shake hands (again); shake hands (again); write a powerful message to the other team on the whiteboard; shake hands, Then Put The Buckets Back On Your Heads^note prior to opening the task, the contestants were instructed to wear large buckets on their heads while other tasks were pinned to their clothing. One Person Must Be Looking At A Teammate At All Times, One Person Must Be Shaking Their Head And Smiling, And Another Person Must Shout At All Times During These Tasks. Fastest Wins
  • Winners: Julian, Lucy and Sam - 6 min 48 sec (5 points)
  • Sue and Susan - 7 min 54 sec^note Forgot to complete one task attached to Susan's leg. The Taskmaster was initially only going to give them one pity point, but after a stirring defence from Sam Campbell ("These are dynamite chicks!") decided to give them two. (2 points)

• Task 3: Recreate A Well Known Piece Of Art On These Memo Squares. You Must Draw On Every Memo Square, But You May Only Look At One Memo Square At A Time. You Have Twenty Minutes, After Which The Memo Squares Will Be Arranged In A 10x10 Square. Best Memo Square Art Wins
  • Winner: Sam and Sue (5 points)
    • Sam - The Scream by Edvard Munch
    • Sue - Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci
  • Julian and Susan (3 points)
    • Julian - a Spot painting by Damien Hirst
    • Susan - Red by Mark Rothko
  • Lucy - what was apparently supposed to be Sunflowers by Vincent van Gogh^note Lucy had apparently confused Van Gogh with Gok Wan, initially drew poppies instead of sunflowers, and drew without consulting a visual reference or developing a plan, unlike the other two to attempt non-abstract art (1 point)

• Live Task: Write The Name Of A Different Animal On Each Face Of Your Dice. You Have 100 Seconds. Then, For Each Round You Will Throw Your Dice. Loser Of Each Category Will Be Eliminated^note Categories which would be eliminated: Round 1: Most boring animal. Round 2: Most dangerous animal. Round 3: Worst pet. Round 4: Animal least like the Taskmaster
  • Winner: Sam^note 1 = Mammoth. 2 = Mammoth. 3 = stick insect. 4 = human. (5 points)
  • Lucy^note 1 = mice. 2 = Shih tzu. 3 = Duck-billed platypus. 4 = Duck-billed platypus. (4 points)
  • Sue^note 1 = elephant. 2 = blue whale. 3 = giant squid (3 points)
  • Susan^note 1 = dog. 2 = snake (2 points)
  • Julian^note 1 = mouse (1 point)

• Tiebreaker: Tut The Loudest
  • Winner: Sue - 93.4 decibels (+1 Tiebreaker Point)
  • Lucy - 90.2 decibels

• Episode Ranking:
  1. Sue Perkins (18 points + 1 tiebreaker point)
  2. Lucy Beaumont (18 points)
  3. Julian Clary and Sam Campbell (17 points)
  4. Susan Wokoma (11 points)

Episode 5 - "Skateboard Division"

• Prize Task: The Best Thing That Has Five Things On It
  • Winner: Susan - an advent calendar with only five doors^note the doors contain; an IOU for a free foot massage from Susan herself (who, according to an ex, apparently "has the hands of a midwife"); a photo of Susan as a baby; a £10.00 note; an IOU for a £100.00 donation to the charity of the Taskmaster's choice; a poem about "the most wonderful person", the Taskmaster (5 points)
  • Julian - a "miniature nudist beach" terrarium with five people on it (4 points)
  • Sue - a stuffed triceratops called Terry with a cat-meow sound effect (3 points)
  • Lucy - a "Yorkshire melon"^note a melon with five Yorkshire puddings and five uses of the word "things" attached (2 points)
  • Sam - a "Plucka Duck" stuffed toy^note from the Australian variety TV show Hey Hey It's Saturday. Interestingly, Julian Clary appeared on the show; he describes it as "not a career highlight" with an AU$5.00 note (1 point)

• Task 1: Burst This Balloon From The Furthest Distance. You Must Not Be Looking At The Balloon When You Burst It. You Have Fifteen Minutes
  • Winner: Sue - "2459 aspirins" away (5 points)
  • Sam - "564 aspirins" away (4 points)
  • Julian - "292 aspirins" away (3 points)
  • Susan - "75 aspirins" away (2 points)
  • Lucy - "15 aspirins" away (1 point)

• Task 2: Make The Most Cool-But-Scary Gang Using These Googly Eyes. You Have Fifteen Minutes
  • Winner: Sam — a gang of 3-eyed baby heads in shoes, with himself as the leader threatening the Taskmaster's Assistant (5 points)
  • Susan — a gang of assorted items from around the house, who attacked a rubber duck with googly eyes and converted him (4 points)
  • Julian — a gang of teapots (3 points)
  • Sue — a gang of random items from around the house (2 points)
  • Lucy — danced wearing a cloak with googly eyes, holding a skateboard and a saxophone (1 point)

• Task 3: Get All The Water In The Vase. If You Spill Any Water From The Plate You Are Disqualified. You May Not Leave The Lab. Fastest Wins^note the plate was attached to a table in the lab; the vase was placed next to it with some fake roses in it; a matchbox and candle were also present
  • Winner: N/A
  • Everyone (Disqualified)^note everyone spilled water from the plate at some point. Of the (slightly) more successful contestants, Susan discovered hidden straws among the roses in the vase, while Sam and Sue discovered clues on how to use the provided candle to complete an 'air pressure' experiment; essentially, when covered the candle uses up all the available oxygen within the vase until it goes out, at which point the air begins to cool, causing it to fall below the atmospheric pressure of the surrounding room; the water is sucked into the vase as it does to compensate. The latter method was previously demonstrated on the programme by Katherine Ryan in the first Champion of Champions as one of her miracles ("levitating wine").

• Live Task: Sip Your Drink. You May Only Touch The Toilet Roll And You May Not Cross The Line. There Will Be Three Rounds^note Round 1: Julian, then Lucy, with the others failing to complete. Round 2: Sam, then Julian. Lucy technically won but as her fingertips crossed the line she was disqualified. Others failed to complete. Round 3: Sam, then Julian. Sue would have been second but disqualified herself reaching over to get Julian's drink after his toilet roll snapped. Others failed to complete. Fastest Wins
  • Winner: Julian (5 points)
  • Sam (4 points)
  • Lucy (3 points)
  • Sue and Susan (2 points)

• Episode Ranking:
  1. Julian Clary (15 points)
  2. Sam Campbell (14 points)
  3. Susan Wokoma (13 points)
  4. Sue Perkins (12 points)
  5. Lucy Beaumont (7 points)

Episode 6 - "Brother Alex"

• Prize Task: The Greatest Thing That Makes Quite A Loud Noise When You Shake It
  • Winner: Sam - a bucket lined with sandpaper and "full to the brim" with matches and fire alarms (5 points)
  • Lucy - a "cream horn"^note essentially an air-horn attached to a can of whipped cream (4 points)
  • Sue - her "Great-Great-Great Aunt Margaret's glass swan collection", which was reportedly saved along with said aunt from the sinking of the Titanic^note in essence, a large box full of broken glass with an unverifiable story (3 points)
  • Julian - a drawer full of cutlery from the Isle of Wight ferry (2 points)
  • Susan - a waterbed (1 point)

• Task 1: Avoid The Rubbish Robots^note Roombas with bins on top of them. Other robots were present, but touching them did not count as a failure. You May Not Remove Your Blindfold At Any Point, And At Least One Of Your Knees Must Be Touching The Floor Throughout. Longest Time Untouched By A Rubbish Robot Wins
  • Winner: Lucy - 3 min 42 sec (5 points)
  • Susan - 1 min 56 sec^note Susan refused to believe that the first strike had occurred and so continued the task until she was definitively struck again at 3 min 03 sec. As there was clear video evidence — not to mention an observer — the Taskmaster ruled the first strike as valid (4 points)
  • Sue - 1 min 07 sec (3 points)
  • Sam - 1 min 04 sec (2 points)
  • Julian - two and a half seconds (1 point)

• Task 2: Team Task - If You Are A Team Member In The Lab, Recreate Your Team Mate's Garage Scene. You Have Fifteen Minutes. Your Time Starts When Your Team Mate Calls. If You Are A Team Member In The Garage, Instruct Your Team Mates To Recreate Your Garage Scene. You May Not Use Any Of The Words On The Labels^note Left, Right, Front, Back, Middle, Chair, Laundry Basket, Rug, Plant, Mannequin, Gargoyle, Plinth, Pineapple, Flamingo, Clown Bin, Festoon Lights, Duck. These were attached to one wall of the garage, and the nouns were also attached to the objects they denoted. You May Not Leave Your Location. Most Accurate Recreation Wins. You Must Also Try On All Of The Outfits In The Basket Without Telling Your Team Mates
  • Winner: N/A
  • Both Teams (3 points)^note while both teams used prohibited words, Lucy did so far more than the other team. However, as both results were quite impressive, albeit a better result for the team of 3, the Taskmaster decided to dock them to result in a draw
    • Julian, Lucy and Sam - 27 words wrong
    • Sue and Susan - 9 words wrong

• Task 3: Present A Piece Called "Head, Shoulders, Knees And Toes^note knees and toes". Most Powerful Piece Wins
  • Winner: Lucy and Sam (5 points)
    • Lucy - a surreal horror piece involving a creepy woman examining a sleeping duck
    • Sam - a murder mystery entitled "The Case of the Insane Murder"
  • Sue and Susan (4 points)
    • Sue - a 1950s-style health and safety promotional video regarding safe procedures in nursery rhymes
    • Susan - an avante garde piece supposedly about the dangers of the death penalty
  • Julian - a picture of a person with the head, shoulders, knees and toes labelled (2 points)

• Live Task: Pass The Pineapples Among You For Fifteen Seconds Whilst The Taskmaster Shuts His Eyes And Has A Little Think. When The Taskmaster Opens His Eyes He Will Say If He Thinks You Are Holding A Pineapple Behind Your Back Or Not. If He Accuses You Wrongly You Get A Point. Most Points After Three Rounds Wins^note the contestants realised that nothing said people couldn't have more than one pineapple
  • Winner: Susan — Taskmaster guessed incorrectly 3 times (5 points)
  • Sue — Taskmaster guessed incorrectly twice (4 points)
  • Lucy and Sam — Taskmaster guessed incorrectly once each (3 points)
  • Julian — Taskmaster never guessed incorrectly (1 point)

• Episode Ranking:
  1. Lucy Beaumont (20 points)
  2. Sam Campbell (18 points)
  3. Sue Perkins and Susan Wokoma (17 points)
  4. Julian Clary (9 points)

Episode 7 - "I'm Off To Find A Robin"

• Prize Task: The Thing That Is Most Guaranteed To Make You Groan
  • Winner: Sue - a recording of BRIAN BLESSED ordering the listener to groan (5 points)
  • Susan - a collection of her previous submissions in the prize round, which were "so shit" the contestants who won them returned them to her^note they include her wind chime from episode 1, her Snickers bar from episode 3, her lava lamp from episode 4 and her waterbed from episode 6 (4 points)
  • Julian - a bust of a man's head given to him by his husband for a birthday gift (3 points)
  • Lucy and Sam (2 points)
    • Lucy - a "lesson in the importance of cartilage" in the form of a skeleton with arrows attached to the relevant areas (as you would groan if you didn't have cartilage)
    • Sam - a toothbrush decorated with wings, action figure parts and hair

• Task 1: Do Whatever You Like With These Switches For Five Minutes^note two of the switches, one under a cover labeled "don't", were separate from the other five. The task came with an assortment of labels — 'vibration', 'danger', 'big light', 'leaves', 'sound', 'UV light', 'smoke'. The contestants were given no information regarding which label applied to which switch. Flicking the switch labelled 'don't', however, was the danger switch, which would lead to disqualification, while the other solitary switch was confirmed to be "vibration", easily the next-greatest impediment to completion of the task. You Will Then Do A Task In The Lab For Five Minutes. The Conditions In The Lab Will Change According To When You Switch The Switches In Here. Your Time Starts When The Taskmaster's Assistant Is Confident You Understand The Task. Then, Balance The Most Tees On The Shelves. You Must Stay On The Platform Throughout The Task. You Have Five Minutes. Your Time Starts When The Taskmaster's Assistant Is Confident You Understand The Task
  • Winner: Lucy - 19 tees (5 points)
  • Everyone Else (Disqualified)^note flicked the 'DON'T' switch

• Task 2: Pie Wayne^note an inflatable tube man / air dancer In The Face. Wayne Is Outside The Front Door. You May Not Touch Wayne Nor Step On The Red Green. If You Miss Wayne With The Pie You Must Copy Wayne's Dance Moves For Ten Seconds. You Must Not Touch Wayne Fastest Wins. Your Time Starts When You Open The Front Door
  • Winner: Susan - 1 min 39 sec (5 points)
  • Julian - 3 min 32 sec (4 points)
  • Sam - 3 min 40 sec (3 points)
  • Lucy and Sue (Disqualified)^note both touched Wayne
    • Lucy - 3 min 20 sec
    • Sue - 7 min 25 sec

• Task 3: Put Yourself^note that is, a cardboard cut-out version of themselves Somewhere Within The Boundary. The Person Furthest Away From Everyone Else Wins. The Two People Closest Together Both Lose Two Points. Also, Throughout The Task You Must Behave Really Weirdly. You Have A Maximum Of Ten Minutes
  • Winner: Sam - 14.24 metres away from everyone (5 points)
  • Lucy - 13.09 metres away from everyone (4 points)
  • Julian and Susan (1 point)
    • Julian - 7.55 metres away from everyone^note was only 8 cm away from Sue's cut-out; had Sue not done this, he would have come third
    • Susan - 7.21 metres away from everyone
  • Sue - 7.39 metres away from everyone^note was only 8 cm away from Julian's cut-out; had Sue not done this, she would have come fourth. Somewhat agonisingly, she left her decision up to a coin toss which saw her move her cut-out from being balanced on a moose-head to where it ended up (0 points)

• Live Task: Catch Three Balls On Your Head. After You've Caught A Ball You Must Shout 'Ball'. You May Not Step Off Your Circles, Move Your Circles, Adjust Your Arms^note that is, extendable pickers Or Touch The Balls With Your Hands. Fastest Wins^note contestants chose to help each other with this task
  • Winner: Julian (5 points)
  • Sam (4 points)
  • Lucy (3 points)
  • Susan (2 points)
  • Sue (1 point)

• Tiebreaker: Fire Your Party Popper From Your Studio Seat. Whomever Fires The Contents Of Their Party Popper Furthest Wins
  • Winner: Lucy - 123cm (+1 Tiebreaker Point)
  • Sam - 108 cm

• Episode Ranking:
  1. Lucy Beaumont (14 points +1 Tiebreaker Point)
  2. Sam Campbell (14 points)
  3. Julian Clary (13 points)
  4. Susan Wokoma (12 points)
  5. Sue Perkins (6 points)

This is the second instance since Series 11 Episode 4 in which a contestant earned 0 points in the prerecorded tasks. Sue Perkins was disqualified in Tasks 1 and 2 and incurred a penalty which zeroed out her efforts in Task 3.

Episode 8 - "Never Packed A Boot"

• Prize Task: The Best Single-Word Object You Own And Love That Gets The Best Reaction Following A Drum Roll
  • Winner: Sue - "Greg(gs)"^note a portrait of the Taskmaster made from Greggs pies (5 points)
  • Julian and Susan (4 points)
    • Julian - a "jacket"^note with the phrase "fuck you" stitched in the lining, to be worn when dining out with people you hate
    • Susan - a "calendar"^note themed around pictures of cat testicles
  • Lucy - an "(alien) device"^note According to Lucy, it had been lodged in her mother's ear canal for "two years and 36 months" (five years), had corresponded with unusual UFO activity directly above her house, and made their cat disappear after she licked it (3 points)
  • Sam - "cobalt"^note accompanied by a story of a statue built in Sam's hometown of children suffering under the noise of the low flight paths. This story had nothing to do with the cobalt, which was purchased online, but Sam simply felt that he should tell a story after everyone else had. (2 points)

• Task 1: This Is Not A Team Task. Find The Secret Task^note If you find this task fastest, you must choose one contestant who will lose five points. If you found it second fastest, you must choose one contestant who will lose 1 point. If you found this third, you must choose one contestant who gets a special hat. If you found this fourth, you must choose one contestant who will gain a point. If you find it slowest, you must choose one contestant who will gain five points. You Must Never Be In The Same Room As Each Other. Whenever The Airhorn Sounds, You Must Replace Anything You Are Holding And Change Rooms. Everyone Must Find The Secret Task Before The Task Ends^note each room had a task in it with a hint to the secret task's location
  • Winner: Sam (1 point)
  • Julian, Lucy, and Susan (0 points)
  • Sue (-1 point and a special hat)
  • Discovery order:
    • Julian - 6 min 30 seconds: "Sam Campbell" (-5 points)
    • Sam - 8 min 50 sec: "Sue Perkins" (-1 point)
    • Lucy - 13 min 25 sec: "Sue Perkins" (Special Hat)
    • Sue - 16 min 5 sec: "Sam Campbell" (+1 point)
    • Susan - 18 minutes - "Sam Campbell" (+5 points)

• Task 2: Complete The Fortune Trail. Fastest Wins^note L = Walk under the ladder or put the ladder back in the shed. U = Find a lucky penny or put exactly £13 on the lucky plate. C = Either spill the salt or throw all the salt over your shoulder onto the pasta in the caravan. K = Either open the umbrella inside the shed or close these five umbrellas. Y = Toss five heads in a row. There were double-headed lucky pennies above the door to the Taskmaster House, and in both the caravan and the shed.
  • Winner: Julian - 4 min 12 sec (5 points)
  • Sam - 6 min 51 sec (4 points)
  • Susan - 9 min 49 sec (3 points)
  • Lucy and Sue (Disqualified)
    • Sue - 6 min 56 ^note did not do a standard coin toss
    • Lucy - 11 min 3 sec ^note only put £7 and 1p on the plate

• Task 3: Convince A Child^note Flossie You're Asleep. You Must Have A Nap Lasting One Minute With Your Face Visible Throughout. During This Nap You Must Snore And Sleep-Walk. Or, You Must Have A Nap Lasting One Minute Where You Are Not In Bed At All But The Child Thinks You Are. During This Nap You Must Snore And Sleep Talk. Most Convincing Sleeper Wins. You Have A Maximum Of Twenty Minutes
  • Winner: Sam^note placed a toy flamingo in the bed and then recorded a message to Flossie bribing her with £100 to say she thought he was asleep and Susan^note  genuinely convinced Flossie (5 points)^note the only ones to "convince" Flossie they were asleep; Greg scored the others on how generally convincing they were
  • Julian (3 points)
  • Sue (2 points)
  • Lucy (1 point)

• Live Task: Team Task - Mime The Proverb On Your Card. There Will Be Three Minute-Long Rounds. You Must Be Waving At Each Other Through Your Attempt. But You Can Make A Single Noise Of The Taskmaster's Choosing
  • Winner: Sue and Susan - two rounds, six proverbs (5 points)
  • Julian, Lucy and Sam - one round, five proverbs (3 points)

• Episode Ranking:
  1. Susan Wokoma (17 points)
  2. Julian Clary and Sam Campbell (15 points)
  3. Sue Perkins (11 points)
  4. Lucy Beaumont (7 points)

Episode 9 - "Fagin at the Disco"

• Prize Task: The Bit Of Old Crap The Taskmaster Likes The Best^note The Taskmaster's response: "Wow. You are getting lazy."
  • Winner: Sue - an "Atomic Energy" badge awarded by the Boy Scouts of America during the 1960s (5 points)
  • Sam - his National Insurance number on cassette tape (4 points)
  • Julian - a ceramic soldier bought at a junk shop (3 points)
  • Susan - her "childhood pet" (a laminated leaf) (2 points)
  • Lucy - some mouse droppings^note i.e., literal "old crap (1 point)

• Task 1: Drive The "Standard Sweeper" Across The Finish Line. You Must Obey All The Rules Of The Road^note Amber: activate your brushes. Red: go. Purple: get out of your vehicle, walk around it, get back in and carry on. Green: wait for three seconds. Blue: come back to the previous signal, obey it, then carry on. Yellow: beep your horn and carry on. And Must Only Stop Your Vehicle At A Traffic Signal. If You Disobey A Rule, The Taskmaster's Assistant Will Blow His Whistle And You Must Return To The Start For A Ten-Second Driving Lesson. Fastest Wins
  • Winner: Sue - 11 min 43 sec (5 points)
  • Susan - 13 min 50 sec (4 points)
  • Lucy - 24 min 30 sec (3 points)
  • Sam - 26 min 22 sec (2 points)
  • Julian - 13 min before giving up and riding away (Disqualified)

• Task 2: Make The Taskmaster The Best Gift. You Have Five Minutes To Order Your Items, Then Fifteen Minutes To Make Your Gift. Your Items Must Cost No More Than £50
  • Winner: Sue - a work of art depicting the Taskmaster's Assistant as Venus in "The Birth of Venus" (with a behind-the-scenes work on the other side depicting Sue blowing his hair with a hairdryer) (5 points)
  • Julian and Lucy (4 points)
    • Julian - a "gimp costume"
    • Lucy - a den (4 points)
  • Susan - a home-made coat^note or, as a more cynical man might describe it, "some crudely-cut pieces of fabric glued onto a fur coat" (3 points)
  • Sam - a "gentleman's basket"^note containing a statue, some Ferrero Rocher chocolates, fake snow at the bottom, and Sam's credit card (2 points)

• Task 3: Feed The Clown The Most Cards. No Part Of You Must Cross The Threshold Of The Stage. You Have Ten Minutes
  • Winner: Julian - 51 cards (5 points)
  • Everyone Else (Disqualified)^note all "crossed the threshold" at some point
    • Sue - 104 cards^note located another deck of cards and threw that in as well as the original deck
    • Sam - 52 cards
    • Susan - 12 cards
    • Lucy - 0 cards

• Live Task: Watch The Taskmaster's Assistant's Parade, Then Answer The Questions^note Q1: What three word phrase was used to describe the chef character? A = "limp, white meat". Q2: In what year was the Assistant born according to the Taskmaster? A = 1972. Q3: What was the Taskmaster's magic work? A = "Alakazam". Q4: What couldn't Handyman Alex fix? A = Immersion heaters. Q5: What was the Taskmaster holding when the Assistant took his trousers off? A = a delicious satsuma. Most Correct Answers Wins. You May Not Make Any Notes During The Parade
  • Winner: Sue and Susan — 3^note "suspiciously similar" correct answers (5 points)
  • Julian — 2 correct answers (3 points)
  • Sam — 1 correct answer (2 points)
  • Lucy — no correct answers (1 point)

• Episode Ranking:
  1. Sue Perkins (20 points)
  2. Julian Clary (15 points)
  3. Susan Wokoma (14 points)
  4. Sam Campbell (10 points)
  5. Lucy Beaumont (9 points)

Episode 10 - "Always Forks and Marbles"

• Prize Task: The Thing That, When You Turn It Round, Gives You The Biggest Shock
  • Winner: Julian - an urn, apparently containing the ashes of a friend who enjoyed Taskmaster, with a sticker of some lips and the word "shit" painted on the teeth (5 points)
  • Lucy - a lamp with a light pulley that is made from braided hair cut from Lucy's head when she was a child (4 points)
  • Susan - a carton of vanilla ice-cream with the ingredients on the other side revealing the presence of "castoreum"^note a mixture of the anal secretions and urine of beavers, apparently a standard ingredient in vanilla ice-cream (3 points)
  • Sam - a baby with a plasticine monster head (2 points)
  • Sue - a life-size cut-out of the Taskmaster's Assistant facing backwards which, when turned around, is the Taskmaster's Assistant facing backwards while nude on the other side (1 point)

• Task 1: Do Something Shocking But Family-Friendly With This Donut. Most Shocking Donut-Deed Wins. You Have Fifteen Minutes
  • Winner: Lucy - dressed as a crow, ate the donut and then 'fed' it to the Taskmaster's Assistant as if he were a baby bird (5 points)
  • Julian and Susan (4 points)
    • Julian - messily ate the donut in front of the Taskmaster's Assistant's face, then spat it at him
    • Susan - attempted to eat the donut with a mouth full of increasingly unappetising condiments (including chili sauce), before spitting / vomiting it out in the corridor
  • Sam - made a 'sexy bikini' for the donut and placed it on the roof of the Taskmaster House, where it was knocked off by a crow (3 points)
  • Sue - fired the 'Donut of Doom' at the Taskmaster's Assistant from a catapult made from a bin... many times (1 point)

• Task 2: Demonstrate The Most Effective High-Intensity Four-Part Exercise Routine. Each Of Your Four Exercises Must Be Original, And Must Take Place On This Mat. The First Must Last 8 Seconds, The Second 4, The Third 2, And The Fourth 1 Second Long. Also, Each Move Must Start And End With Your Required Word Or Noise^note Sue: start with "Whoops", end with "Yeah!"; Julian: start with "Yeah!", end with a scream; Susan: start with a scream, end with a gasp; Sam: start with a gasp, end with an "Ahhh!"; Lucy: start with an "Ahhh!", end with a "Whoops". You Have A Maximum Of Fifteen Minutes
  • Winner: Julian (5 points)
  • Sam (4 points)
  • Sue and Susan (3 points)
  • Lucy (2 points)

• Task 3: Team Task - Taskmaster Hotel: Give Your Guest^note The Taskmaster's Assistant The Best Service. He Has Thirty Minutes. His Time Starts Now^note contestants were provided with a book of instructions on how to run the hotel. They had to: check the Assistant in (under the name "Qrs Tuvwxyz", pronounced "Chris Tuvwixes"); show him to his room (room 13, the hutch) and bring his suitcase; provide room service (a warm cucumber sandwich and a glass of milk); move him to a room with a view, as he had apparently requested (room 20, the caravan); supply bedding to the new room; launder and return his clothes; give him a spa treatment (in the dome); evacuate due to a "fire" (provided by a smoke machine in the main room/reception); bring him another glass of milk and read him a bedtime story; and finally check him out
  • Winner: Sue and Susan^note generally provided great service, with their only big mistakes being initially forgetting his first glass of milk; Susan bursting into laughter at the sight of his suitcase full of forks and marbles; and being unable to fully wash and dry his clothes in time, but they provided a replacement (in the form of Susan's dungarees) and promised to send on his clothes later (5 points)
  • Julian, Lucy and Sam^note pestered and looked in on Mr. Tuvwxys consistently, including Lucy randomly playing the French horn and singing for him and getting into bed with him for the story, Sam randomly appearing in his room, and both Lucy and Sam complimenting him on his legs; got Mr. Tuvwxys to unlock his own room; ransacked his luggage; evacuated to the wrong place (the driveway instead of the stage); tried to argue against his requests several times. Still did somewhat okay with regards to the specific task requirements (2 points)

• Live Task: Throw A Ball Into The Bathtub^note which was filled with ball-pit type balls From Behind The Rope. You May Not Touch The Rope. If A Ball Ends Up Not In The Bathtub, You Are Eliminated. Last Player Standing Wins
  • Winner: Sam (5 points)
  • Everyone Else (1 point)^note failed to get the ball in the bath in their first throw

• Episode Ranking:
  1. Julian Clary (17 points)
  2. Sam Campbell and Susan Wokoma (16 points)
  3. Lucy Beaumont (14 points)
  4. Sue Perkins (11 points)

Episode Tally

• Sue Perkins = 3 episodes (Episodes 2, 4 and 9)
• Sam Campbell, Julian Clary and Lucy Beaumont = 2 episodes
  • Sam (Episodes 1 and 3)
  • Julian (Episodes 5 and 10)
  • Lucy (Episodes 6 and 7)
• Susan Wokoma = 1 episode (Episode 8)

Task Tally

A breakdown of the tasks as won by the contestants is as follows:

• Sam Campbell: 18 tasks (2 prize tasks, 10 video tasks, 2 video team tasks, 2 live tasks, 2 live team tasks)
• Julian Clary: 14 tasks: (2 prize tasks, 5 video tasks, 2 video team tasks, 3 live tasks, 2 live team tasks)
• Sue Perkins: 12 tasks: (4 prize tasks, 6 video tasks, 1 video team task, 1 live task, 0 live team tasks)
• Lucy Beaumont: 9 tasks: (1 prize task, 4 video tasks, 2 video team tasks, 0 live tasks, 2 live team tasks)
• Susan Wokoma: 7 tasks: (1 prize task, 3 video tasks, 1 video team task, 1 live task, 0 live team tasks)

Episode Titles

Each episode is a Title Drop made by either a participant in the show, the Taskmaster, or the Taskmaster's Assistant. In this series, the titles were provided by:

• Episode 1: The Taskmaster (in reference to the teeth-grindingly awkward introduction between the team of three: "And here are the natural friends.")
• Episode 2: Susan Wokoma (on being challenged why she had included a representation of Hell in her 'cheeky' picture: "Well, Hell... is... here.")
• Episode 3: Julian Clary (describing his rather relaxed process at completing the show, as exemplified in the "get underneath the most unique things" task: "I got underneath quite a lot of things, I just do it languidly.")
• Episode 4: Sam Campbell (leaping to the defence of Sue and Susan when the Taskmaster was contemplating disqualifying them for not technically completing the task: "Just give them the points! These are dynamite chicks! They're unreal, they're massive.")
• Episode 5: Sam Campbell (when discussing his claim that his childhood gang was the Hell's Angels with the Taskmaster: "Did you have a hog?" "Skateboard division.")
• Episode 6: Lucy Beaumont (delivered by her character in her 'heads, shoulders, knees and toes' short film: "Brother Alex, I am bored.")
• Episode 7: Julian Clary (impersonating the Taskmaster's Assistant during the "position your cut-out" task: "I'm off to find a robin.")
• Episode 8: Lucy Beaumont (when discussing that she had never flipped a coin before the "fortune trail" task, she talks about what else she hasn't done: "I've never packed a boot.")
• Episode 9: Sam Campbell (when the Taskmaster, at that point wearing a lurid assortment of clothes purchased for him by other contestants, responds quite cynically to the "gentlemen's basket" he made as a present: "Well, I thought when I saw you, "you're so stylish"! I didn't think you were going to start dressing as Fagin at a disco!")
• Episode 10: "Mr Qrs Tuvwxyz"^note aka the Taskmaster's Assistant (when being questioned about his meeting by Sue during his stay at the Taskmaster Hotel: "And can I ask what is your meeting about, sir?" "It's forks and marbles. Always forks and marbles.")

Series Ranking

1. Sam Campbell (161 points)
2. Julian Clary (155 points)
3. Susan Wokoma (139 points)
4. Sue Perkins (137 points)
5. Lucy Beaumont (129 points)