Quotes: What Do You Mean, It's for Kids?
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Quotes coming from fiction
"When I was a lad I didn't know what Frollo was singing
And now that I'm grown, I'm like 'AAAAHHHH! Frollo is a perv!
"Do you think God stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he created?"
"That bastard. I can't forgive him, not after he sent my grandpa to the Shadow Realm."
"The what realm?"
"You know, the Shadow Realm. The big, purply cloudy place
that you go to when something really bad happens to you.
"I think you're talking about Hell."
"No, it's the Shadow Realm. You know, whenever people fall from a really tall building or they get stabbed in the chest, they go straight to the Shadow Realm. What, you guys don't have the Shadow Realm in the future?"
"I don't think that's a real thing."
"So, wait... is my grandpa... really dead?"
"'Fraid so, broseph
"I thought this was supposed to be a kid's movie!"
"It's funny to think how we listen to Yellow Submarine in kindergarten, when in reality all four of the Beatles were high as shit when they wrote it."
"There was a dispute, 'cause Mary Whitehouse was criticizing us for being violent, and she didn't like
me, because I said, 'The thing is, I think we're not nearly being violent
"Imagine you wanted to sell fruit pies to children. You hire a writer to come up with an exciting advertisement starring Captain America and he hands you this — a nightmarish story scripted entirely in puns about a sweatshop owner whose dress patterns are actual screaming human women. Would you ask him to write you a new one? Of course not, because you're in six garbage bags. That guy was a murderer, you idiot. Did he have to come right out and hiss it in your ear while sharpening a knife?"
"It turns out that the Joker’s scheme was to get a hold of broadcasting equipment — something that he does on a pretty regular basis, now that I think of it — so that he can kidnap Commissioner Gordon and torture him on live television while Gotham City watches, to prove that the law has no real power.
That is the plot of this comic for tiny children. And it’s one of the best Joker stories I’ve ever read."
"Final Fantasy VII is the first and last game in the series to contain a brothel, and I'm not sure why the idea didn't catch on."
"The point of this fun, kid's SNES game is to run around and collect valuables from your house, and then when you collect them, deposit them into these safes which drop the items into a...
"If you hated yourself enough to watch NBC’s
Christmas in Rockefeller last night, you probably wondered if it was the sweet nectar talking or did that gold Prometheus statue really roll his eyes during LeAnn Rimes’ performance....The Squinting Chanteuse yodeled out the children’s Christmas song 'I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas' (Side note: When LeAnn sings that song, 'hippopotamus' is definitely a euphemism for something else) during the show and about 110 seconds into it, she opened up her coat and revealed her bootleg Madonna circa 1990 outfit. The pin-up Grinch went on to holler out more musical notes as she flashed her thigh highs and jiggled those chichis for the children. Sarah Palin might want to move the battle lines to LeAnn’s house, because this is definitely a declaration of war on Christmas."
, "Will Everyone Stop Protesting, LeAnn Rimes Is Trying To Be Sexy Over Here!"
"It’s JG Ballard done as children’s panto — something only
Doctor Who could ever do. If you don’t want children’s panto JG Ballard then there is something a bit wrong with you."
"At one point, the evil Rat King (John Turturro) has his troopers snatch toys from the hands of children so they can be tossed into furnaces... You may be in disbelief. I was."
: (as the kid)
So evil wins, Grandpa? Crow
: (as Grandpa Borgnine)
That's right, even your tiny soul is doomed. Servo
: No, Grandpa Borgnine, leave light and hope for me! Please! Crow
: Get out from behind that cushion, Billy! It gets worse!
: There’s also a bizarre bit in this scene where Donatello says that Casey is claustrophobic, and Casey gets mad because he thinks he said “homosexual,” and threatens to punch Don in the mouth.
Good call on leaving that one in there, Movie For Ten Year-Olds From 1990.
Matt: The words don’t sound anything alike!
: Casey’s a sports guy, so he’s probably had a few concussions.
"And half the jokes don't make sense! There's this scene where the woman...I think this girl's doing something like chewing gum. I don't know what she's doing, but, uh...not really misbehaving but uh...the woman sees it as misbehaving, so she grabs the girl by her pigtails, swings her around and tosses her! I'm like...WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!?"
on his list of Top 10 Films He Hates But Everyone Else Likes
"Our future society is
desperately bloodthirsty. When they fight, you see people just foaming at the mouth out of excitement at the destruction. It's a kid's movie!"
"I collect official 'BIG SERVICE
' licensed merchandise. I have offic-oh, god! I have official 'BIG SERVICE' DOLLS... Official 'BIG SERVICE' brand clothing... And officially licensed 'BIG SERVICE' picture books?! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh...those are not appropriate for children!"
I think I forgot how effed up Sailor Moon
could really get... ANT Pogo:
Yeah. "Cute show for little girls about a sailor-suited pretty soldier of love and justice who in reality is a ditzy middle-schooler and OH GOD OH FUCK WHAT WAS THAT WHAT DID I JUST SEE OH GOD!"
We did not think we were bringing our kids to a movie where… Clockwork Orange
types… ran after girls in their underwear through forests. That was not something we thought.
Although there is no gratuitous gore or naked women, "Ga'Hoole"
is still as awesome as any of Snyder's other movies. The action is still very present and gets really in-your-face should one be fortunate to see it in IMAX 3D. With artful wind-furrowed banners
and slow-motion/fast-motion action sequences that he has become so famous for, Snyder has created something truly badass for all ages, as if he's found a way to make Jaegerbombs suitable for children and adults.