Quotes: That Came Out Wrong

"I'll...get wood...at the tree! Tree wood!"
Sagi, Baten Kaitos Origins

Lelouch: That pussy's got my head's protection! Wow. That did not come out right." [falls into a bush] "Well this figures. I'm supposed to be chasing pussy but instead I'm stuck in the bush. [Beat] What is wrong with me today! [finds Suzaku] Suzaku, what are you doing here?
Suzaku: I'm here to kick ass. [hears meow] Now let's go take care of your pussy problem!
Lelouch: Well, at least, it's not just me.
Code MENT note 

"Mary...I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy!"
Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber

"Yes, Rosebud Frozen Peas: Full of country goodness and green pea-ness...Wait, that's terrible. I quit."

"If you need something under the table... I'm your gu. (beat) That didn't come out right."
Dexter, Dexter

"Funny how you can say something in your head and it sounds fine..."
The Doctor, Doctor Who

"Yeah, but I can't let Tani-baka know about this note  — ever. The second he heard about it, his head would explode! (blinks, thinking about what she just said as her face reddens) And I'm going to shut up now."
Yanagimoto , Kyon Big Damn Hero

Female!Commander Shepard: [discussing 'sparring'] So when should I book the room?
Garrus Vakarian: I'd wait if you're OK with it. Disrupt the crew a little as possible. Take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm. You know me, always like to savor that last shot before popping the heatsink.
[Shepard gives Garrus a knowing smirk]
Garrus Vakarian: Wait... that metaphor just went somewhere horrible.

Sherman Klump: Pardon me ladies and gentlemen, but I cannot go on living unless I have this man inside me right now!
Dean Richmond: Steady, sailor.

Garrus: Turians like it hot.
Shepard: I ride my soldiers hard and put them away wet, I can at least make sure they don't go to bed hungry.

Aaron Rodgers: WILSON, I WILL PERSONALLY BEAT YOUR DICK OFF!
Jay Cutler: That's a poor choice of words for you, Rodgers.

"It's grinding time, Nepgear. Hope your butt's clenched. Aaand I just realized that can mean something entirely different."

Tobias: I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so it seems I have something of a mess on my hands.
Michael: There's just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence....

Peter Griffin: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat.
Carter Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay, Peter?!
Peter Griffin: No, I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poop deck.