Quotes / That Came Out Wrong

"I'll...get wood...at the tree! Tree wood!"
Sagi, Baten Kaitos Origins

Steven: Hey! Look, you have Rose Quartz, why bother with him? He's worthless!
Lars: Thanks a lot Steven.
Steven: No, I meant like worth less, not worthless like relative to me?
Steven Universe, "Stuck Together"

Lelouch: That pussy's got my head's protection! Wow. That did not come out right." [falls into a bush] "Well this figures. I'm supposed to be chasing pussy but instead I'm stuck in the bush. [Beat] What is wrong with me today! [finds Suzaku] Suzaku, what are you doing here?
Suzaku: I'm here to kick ass. [hears meow] Now let's go take care of your pussy problem!
Lelouch: Well, at least, it's not just me.
Code MENT note 

"Let's do it! The levels, I mean, not sex."

"Mary...I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy!"
Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber

"I may have a soft spot, but if you even look in her general direction again, you'll find out in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots too...that came out wrong. Or did it?"
Wade Wilson, Deadpool

"Yes, Rosebud Frozen Peas: Full of country goodness and green pea-ness...Wait, that's terrible. I quit."

"If you need something under the table... I'm your guy. (beat) That didn't come out right."

"Funny how you can say something in your head and it sounds fine..."

"Yeah, but I can't let Tani-baka know about this note  — ever. The second he heard about it, his head would explode! (blinks, thinking about what she just said as her face reddens) And I'm going to shut up now."
Yanagimoto , Kyon: Big Damn Hero

Female!Commander Shepard: [discussing 'sparring'] So when should I book the room?
Garrus Vakarian: I'd wait if you're OK with it. Disrupt the crew a little as possible. Take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm. You know me, always like to savor that last shot before popping the heatsink.
[Shepard gives Garrus a knowing smirk]
Garrus Vakarian: Wait... that metaphor just went somewhere horrible.

Sherman Klump: Pardon me ladies and gentlemen, but I cannot go on living unless I have this man inside me right now!
Dean Richmond: Steady, sailor.

Garrus: Turians like it hot.
Shepard: I ride my soldiers hard and put them away wet, I can at least make sure they don't go to bed hungry.

Jay Cutler: That's a poor choice of words for you, Rodgers.

"It's grinding time, Nepgear. Hope your butt's clenched. Aaand I just realized that can mean something entirely different."

Tobias: I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so it seems I have something of a mess on my hands.
Michael: There's just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence....

Chuggaaconroy: Whoa! 2 or 3-up, my ass!
ProtonJon: You might want to rephrase that one.

"Put my nut in your mouth and bite hard! I don't give a shit how that sounds, I'm in a Care Bears movie!"
Nostalgia Critic regarding the climax of Care Bears Nutcracker

Rich Lambert: "What we ended up settling on is that the older, wiser, more powerful a Telvanni wizard is, the more overgrown, the larger their mushroom tower is."
Jessica Folsom: "So literally size is a measure of power."
Rich: "Oh, I'm glad you said that."
— An episode of ESO Live