Script / Carry On Escaping

Captain Parkin: Look, mate. I don't know whether it's going to be a disappointment to you, but we don't have any females in this camp.

Lieutenant Coles: No? I wouldn't bet on that.

— Captain Fred Parkin telling Lieutenant Pat Coles about the female situation at Coldtitz, unaware that "he" is actually a woman.

Carry On Escaping was an unproduced script spoofing World War II escape films. Escaping was written in 1973 for the Carry On... Series by usual scriptwriter Talbot Rothwell, but the film remained unproduced for unknown reasons and Carry On Girls came out in its place. The full script can be found in the book The Complete A-Z of Everything Carry On.

Escaping takes place in September of 1944, in the Coldtitz POW Camp, which is run by the officious Kommandant, Colonel Fokker, his second-in-command Kapitan Binder, and Feldwebel Nutz, who is in charge of camp security.

There are many British soldiers kept in the camp, under the command of the bumbling Colonel Tisspot and stuffy Major Rhodes. Lieutenant Freddy Phipps is the Escape Officer, but never seems to hit the mark in getting them all out, much to the bemusement of Captain Fred Parkin and his mate Lieutenant "Dumdum" Dodds. His latest attempt involves a tunnel being dug under Lieutenant Cyril Gaye's theatre, which goes awry when Kommandant Fokker and his Amazonian secretary, Fraulein Greta Gobbler, fall into the tunnel as she tries to seduce him.

Soon after, the arrival of new prisoner Lieutenant Pat Coles is destined to shake things up, seeing as Lieutenant Coles is secretly a woman! Forming a plan, Captain Parkin, Dumdum, and Lieutenants Phipps and Coles disguise themselves as a Polish family and set off on a train to Lubeck as Hilarity Ensues.

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This Script Contains the Following Tropes:

• Abhorrent Admirer: Fraulein Gobbler is head over heels for Kommandant Fokker, but her forcefulness frightens him off.
• Affectionate Nickname: Ron calls Lieutenant Briggs "Briggsy".
• Alliterative Name:
  • Bill Bagshot.
  • Dumdum Dodds.
  • The script reveals Fraulein Gobbler's full name is Greta Gobbler.
• All There in the Script:
  • Fraulein Gobbler's first name is "Greta".
  • Cyril and Bill Bagshot's ranks are given as "Lieutenant" and "Captain".
  • Peter Trubshaw is mentioned to have the nickname "Trub".
  • The near-sighted Corporal who leads the wood carts is nicknamed "Four-Eyes".
  • Fritz's mate is called "Emil".
• Animal Disguise: Part of Captain Parkin, Dumdum, Lieutenant Coles, and Lieutenant Phipps' escape attempt involves dressing up as horses.
• Attempted Rape:
  • Fraulein Gobbler shows Kapitan Binder a wrestling hold used to fight this off:
    Kommandant Fokker: Good of you, I am sure, Fraulein, but I hardly think Herr Kapitan will be threatened with anything like that.
    Fraulein Gobbler: No, no, Kommandant. The defense is for me - the woman.
    Kommandant Fokker: Even less likely. However, I am delighted to learn that you would defend your honour if such a situation arose, Fraulein.
    Fraulein Gobbler: Well, of course, it depends who is trying the rape, Kommandant.
  • On the train after their escape, Dumdum and Lieutenant Coles are separated from Captain Parkin and Lieutenant Phipps by Fritz and Emil, who try to get frisky against their wills.
• Blackface: During the escape attempt on the night of Cyril's play, all the Kriegies black up with boot polish.
• Blowing a Raspberry: Captain Parkin gives a sneaky one to Kommandant Fokker in the opening scene:
  Kommandant Fokker: Who was that?! Who did it?! Who is blowing the gooseberry?!
• Brawn Hilda: Fraulein Gobbler, Kommandant Binder's muscular "Amazonian-built" secretary.
• Bungled Suicide: Kommandant Burger is about to shoot himself after Coldtitz is taken by the Americans, only for an American General to burst into his office and take him by surprise, causing him to shoot his gun off in a random direction:
  Kommandant Fokker: What on earth do you think you're doing!
  American General: Gee, I'm terribly sorry...
  Kommandant Fokker: That's all very well, but I could have killed myself!
• Camp Gay: The appropriately named Cyril Gaye, who is in charge of the shows put on at Coldtitz.
• Cardboard Pal: The Kriegies try to use a dummy to hide Lieutenant Phipps' escape attempt. Kommandant Fokker sees right through it.
• Cassandra Truth: Dumdum tries to tell Captain Parkin that Lieutenant Coles is a woman, but he just thinks he's going barmy.
• Censorship by Spelling: Lieutenant Phipps refuses to say "tunnel" out loud, and so spells it every time.
• Cleavage Window: One of Fraulein Gobbler's outfits shows off tons of cleavage which makes Kommandant Fokker uncomfortable.
• Clothing Damage: Dumdum's skirt is ripped when Fritz tries to force himself on him.
• Comedic Underwear Exposure: During Cyril's play, Dumdum's knickers come down, much to the audience's amusement.
• Covered in Gunge: Lieutenant Phipps falls into a cesspit during his escape attempt.
• Crocodile Tears: Kommandant Fokker fake cries when he tells Lieutenant Snide, Captain Cooker, and Lieutenant Coles that he'll have to shoot them if they try to escape.
• Crossdresser: The female roles in Cyril's productions are played by Dumdum and the other men:
  Dumdum: Someone's swiped me boobs!
• Disguised in Drag:
  • Lieutenant Coles disguises herself as a man to fight in the army.
  • When disguised as a Polish person, Dumdum has to pretend to be a peasant woman.
• Driven to Suicide: Kommandant Fokker tries to shoot himself after the Americans break through into Coldtitz.
• Epic Fail: Captain Parkin, Dumdum, Lieutenant Phipps, and Lieutenant Coles end up stealing a plane and trying to fly it to England. They don't quite make it, instead crashing it back into Coldtitz, ending up right back where they started from.
• Hero Stole My Bike: After their escape by train goes awry, Captain Parkin, Dumdum, Lieutenant Phipps, and Lieutenant Coles steal a plane and try to fly to England. Naturally, everything goes tits up and they crash it... right into Coldtitz, where they were escaping from.
• Hypocritical Humour: Captain Parkin complains that his girlfriend has cheated on him, while at the same time mentioning his other girlfriends:
  Captain Parkin: Blimey! Listen to this! "I have met a smashing American pilot, and he is having parcels of cigarettes and food sent to you".
  Dumdum: That's nice. Who's it from?
  Captain Parkin: My girlfriend! The two-timing little bitch! You can't trust any of 'em these days.
  Dumdum: Which girlfriend's that?
  Captain Parkin: What does it matter which one it is?!
• "Dear John" Letter: Captain Parkin receives one from his girlfriend saying that she has fallen for an American pilot.
• Dressing as the Enemy: Lieutenant Briggs' escape plan involves disguising himself as Kommandant Fokker.
• Faint in Shock: Dumdum does so after he discovers that Lieutenant Coles is a woman.
• Fauxreigner:
  • Lieutenant Briggs intends to escape Coldtitz disguised as the German Kommandant Fokker.
  • Captain Parkin, Dumdum, Lieutenant Coles, and Lieutenant Phipps all disguise as a Polish family to escape Coldtitz via the cart that collects the fallen trees.
• Laughing Mad: Kommandant Fokker slips into this after some successful escapes from Coldtitz.
• LOL, 69: Fraulein Gobber tries to show Kommandant Fokker page 69 in the files she brings for him:
  Fraulein Gobbler: You will find what you want on page sixty-nine, Herr Kommandant.
  Kommandant Fokker: "Sixty-nine"?
  Fraulein Gobbler: Sixty-nine. If you like I will show you.
  Kommandant Fokker: No, no, I can manage, I think, thank you.
• Meaningful Name:
  • Lieutenant Cyril Gaye, a Camp Gay who runs the shows at Coldtitz.
  • The mad Kriegie's name is Muggins, slang for a stupid person.
• Mistaken for Gay:
  • Captain Parkin initially thinks Lieutenant Coles is a gay man, before discovering she is actually a woman in disguise.
  • Lieutenant Phipps disapproves of how close Dumdum tries to get to Lieutenant Coles, once again not knowing of her true gender.
• Mobile Shrubbery: Lieutenant Phipps wears a shoddy tree costume to try and escape Coldtitz:
  Captain Parkin: Trying to get out disguised as a flippin' tree. That's just about the daftest idea yet!
• No Full Name Given:
  • We don't get to know Harry, Mick, Ron, Otto, or Fritz's last names.
  • The same can be said for Kommandant Fokker, Dumdum, Colonel Tisspot, Kapitan Binder, Major Rhodes, Feldwebel Nutz, Muggins, or Lieutenant Briggs' first names.
• One-Steve Limit: The script contains two major characters called Fred and Freddy.
• Paper-Thin Disguise: Lieutenant Phipps' horrible-looking tree costume that doesn't fool the Germans for a second.
• POW Camp: The film is set in Coldtitz, a German prisoner-of-war camp in World War II
• Punny Name:
  • The POW Camp is called "Coldtitz" - a play on both "Colditz" (an actual prisoner-of-war camp) and "cold tits".
  • Feldwebel Nutz, slang for a crazy person.
  • Kommandant Fokker, which aside from being a German plane sounds a bit like "Fucker", a comparison which was made in the later Carry On film, Carry On England.
• Relatively Flimsy Excuse: To escape Coldtitz via the cart that takes away the fallen trees, Captain Parkin, Dumdum, Lieutenant Coles, and Lieutenant Phipps disguise themselves as a Polish family.
• Running Gag: Muggins' repeated escape attempts that are all destined to fail.
• Sanity Slippage:
  • Muggins snaps and makes a break for the wire fence. Kommandant Fokker is willing to let him off for snapping... until he finds out he's only been there three days and has him sent to the cooler for twenty days.
  • Captain Parkin is convinced this has happened to Dumdum when he tries claiming that Lieutenant Coles is a woman.
  • Kommandant Fokker loses it after the successful escapes:
    Kommandant Fokker: It's perfectly simple, Feldwebel! We're all raving mad! Mad! Ha, ha, ha!
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Harry flees the theatre before Cyril can force him to play a woman.
• She Cleans Up Nicely: When trying to seduce Kommandant Fokker, Fraulein Gobbler wears a feminine see-through outfit, alongside a new hairdo and pretty make up.
• Shout-Out: Captain Parkin sarcastically remarks that the unused sixth bunk in his room is for Lili Marlene.
• The Show Must Go Wrong: Cyril has a meltdown when Dumdum's knickers fall down onstage during his play:
  Cyril: Curtain! Curtain!
• Slipping into Stink: During Lieutenant Phipps' escape attempt disguised as a tree, Feldwebel Nutz opens up the cesspit and watches him wander into it.
• Sudden Name Change:
  • The POW Camp is called "Koldtitz" at its first mention and then "Coldtitz" for the rest of the script.
  • When Lieutenant Coles is introduced, the Captain brought into Coldtitz with her is called "Cooker" by Komandant Fokker during dialogue but "Cocker" elsewhere in the script.
  • Captain Parkin is referred to as "Lieutenant Parkin" near the start of the script, but halfway through becomes a Captain with no explanation.
• Sweet Polly Oliver: Lieutenant Coles is actually a woman dressed as a male soldier. Despite her best efforts, Colonel Tisspot, Dumdum, and Captain Parkin all end up discovering her secret.
• Tap on the Head: Lieutenant Briggs is knocked out by Captain Parkin during his escape attempt yet recovers later on with no noticeable effects.
• The Teetotaler: Kapitan Binder refuses to indulge in alcohol.
• That Came Out Wrong: Dumdum misinterprets Fritz on the train until Lieutenant Coles sorts it out for him:
  Fritz: Good evening, Fraulein. And how far do you go?
  Dumdum: Eh?!
  Lieutenant Coles: As far as Berlin.
• Trap Door: Cyril falls down one that leads into Big Dick, the Kriegies' newest escape tunnel.
• Those Two Guys:
  • Captain Parkin and Dumdum spend almost all of their scenes together.
  • Fritz and Emil, the two German soldiers who harass the escape group on the train to Lubeck.
• Unsettling Gender-Reveal: Fritz tries to grope Dumdum when disguised as a Polish woman. After feeling his penis, he is horrified to discover he is a man and Emil tries to shoot him.
• Walkie-Talkie Gag, Over: Colonel Tisspot runs into some confusion when talking with Mick through the tin cans:
  Colonel Tisspot: Is that you, Freddy? Can't hear anything!
  Mick: "Over", sir.
  Colonel Tisspot: What is?
  Mick: You have to say "over", sir.
• Wardrobe Malfunction: Dumdum's knickers slip off when he is performing on stage.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Fraulein Gobbler disappears from the script after her attempt to seduce Kommandant Fokker end with the two of them falling into Big Dick, the Kriegie's newest escape tunnel.
• What's a Henway?: When Kommandant Fokker and Kapitan Binder are discussing what to do with Muggins after he is caught trying to escape:
  Kapitan Binder: So! You are wishing to get out. We can arrange it. Ten days in the cooler!
  Kommandant Fokker: Nein, nein, Kapitan!
  Kapitan Binder: As you wish, Herr Kommandant. Nine days in the cooler!
• Your Costume Needs Work: After seeing Lieutenant Briggs disguised as Kommandant Fokker, Otto then sees the real Kommandant Fokker and instantly assumes it is an imposter.

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