History Script / CarryOnEscaping

''Escaping'' takes place in September of 1944, in the Coldtitz prisoner of war camp, which is run by the officious Kommandant, Colonel Fokker, his second-in-command Kapitan Binder and Feldwebel Nutz, who is in charge of camp security.

Soon after, the arrival of new prisoner Lieutenant Pat Coles is destined to shake things up, seeing as Lieutenant Coles is secretly a woman! Forming a plan, Captain Parkin, Dumdum and Lieutenants Phipps and Coles disguise themselves as a Polish family, and set off on a train to Lubeck as HilarityEnsues.

* AnimalDisguise: Part of Captain Parkin, Dumdum, Lieutenant Coles and Lieutenant Phipps' escape attempt involves dressing up as horses.

* CampGay: The appropriatly named Cyril Gaye, who is in charge of the shows put on at Coldtitz.

* EpicFail: Captain Parkin, Dumdum, Lieutenant Phipps and Lieutenant Coles end up stealing a plane and trying to fly it to England. They don't quite make it, instead crashing it back into Coldtitz, ending up right back where they started from.
* HeroStoleMyBike: After their escape by train goes awry, Captain Parkin, Dumdum, Lieutenant Phipps and Lieutenant Coles steal a plane and try to fly to England. Naturally, everything goes tits up and they crash it... right into Coldtitz, where they were escaping from.

* DearJohnLetter: Captain Parkin recieves one from his girlfriend saying that she has fallen for an American pilot.

** The prisoner of war camp is called "'''Coldtitz'''" - a play on both "Colditz" (an actual prisoner of war camp) and "cold tits".

* RelativelyFlimsyExcuse: To escape Coldtitz via the cart that takes away the fallen trees, Captain Parkin, Dumdum, Lieutenant Coles and Lieutenant Phipps disguise themselves as a Polish family.

--->'''Kommandant Fokker:''' It's perfectly simple, Feldwebel! We're all raving mad! Mad! Ha ha ha!

** The prisoner of war camp is called "Koldtitz" at its first mention and then "Coldtitz" for the rest of the script.

* TapOnTheHead: Lieutenant Briggs is knocked out by Captain Parkin during his escape attempt, yet recovers later on with no noticeable effects.

* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: Fraulein Gobbler disappears from the script after her attempts to seduce Kommandant Fokker end with the two of them falling into Big Dick, the Kriegie's newest escape tunnel.

->'''Captain Parkin''': Look, mate. I don't know whether it's going to be a disappointment to you, but we don't have any females in this camp.
->'''Lieutenant Coles''': No? I wouldn't bet on that.

** Fraulein Gobbler shows Kapitan Binder a wrestling hold used to fight this off.
--->'''Kommandant Fokker''': Good of you, I am sure, Fraulein, but I hardly think Herr Kapitan will be threatened with anything like that.
--->'''Fraulein Gobbler''': No, no, Kommandant. The defence is for me - the woman.
--->'''Kommandant Fokker''': Even less likely. However, I am delighted to learn that you would defend your honour if such a situation arose, Fraulein.
--->'''Fraulein Gobbler''': Well of course, it depends who is trying the rape, Kommandant.

* BlowingARaspberry: Captain Parkin gives a sneaky one to Kommandant Fokker in the opening scene.
-->'''Kommandant Fokker''': Who was that?! Who did it?! Who is blowing the gooseberry?!

-->'''Kommandant Fokker''': What on earth do you think you're doing!
-->'''American General''': Gee, I’m terribly sorry...
-->'''Kommandant Fokker''': That’s all very well, but I could have killed myself!

* CensorshipBySpelling: Lieutenant Phipps refuses to say "tunnel" out loud, and so spells it everytime.

* CrocodileTears: Kommandant Fokker fake cries when he tells Lieutenant Snide, Captain Cooker and Lieutenant Coles that he'll have to shoot them if they try to escape.
* {{Crossdresser}}: The female roles in Cyril's productions are played by Dumdum and the other men.
-->'''Dumdum''': Someone's swiped me boobs!

* HypocriticalHumour: Captain Parkin complains that his girlfriend has cheated on him, while at the same time mentioning his other girlfriends.
-->'''Captain Parkin''': Blimey! Listen to this! "I have met a smashing American pilot and he is having parcels of cigarettes and food sent to you".
-->'''Dumdum''': That's nice. Who's it from?
-->'''Captain Parkin''': My girlfriend! The two-timing little bitch! You can't trust any of 'em these days.
-->'''Dumdum''': Which girlfriend's that?
-->'''Captain Parkin''': What does it matter which one it is?!

** Captain Parkin, Dumdum, Lieutenant Coles and Lieutenant Phipps all disguise as a Polish family to escape Coldtitz via the cart that collects the fallen trees.

-->'''Fraulein Gobbler''': You will find what you want on page sixty-nine, Herr Kommandant.
-->'''Kommandant Fokker''': "Sixty-nine"?
-->'''Fraulein Gobbler''': Sixty-nine. If you like I will show you.
-->'''Kommandant Fokker''': No, no, I can manage, I think, thank you.

* MobileShrubbery: Lieutenant Phipps wears a shoddy tree costume to try and escape Coldtitz.
-->'''Captain Parkin''': Trying to get out disguised as a flippin’ tree. That’s just about the daftest idea yet!

** We don't get to know Harry, Mick, Ron, Otto or Fritz's last names.
** The same can be said for Kommandant Fokker, Dumdum, Colonel Tisspot, Kapitan Binder, Major Rhodes, Feldwebel Nutz, Muggins or Lieutenant Briggs' first names.

* PaperThinDisguise: Lieutenant Phipps' horrible looking tree costume that doesn't fool the Germans for a second.

--->'''Kommandant Fokker''': It's perfectly simple, Feldwebel! We're all raving mad! Mad! Ha ha ha!

* TheShowMustGoWrong: Cyril has a meltdown when Dumdum's knickers fall down onstage during his play.
-->'''Cyril''': Curtain! Curtain!
* SlippingIntoStink: During Lieutenant Phipps' escape attempt disgused as a tree, Feldwebel Nutz opens up the cesspit and watches him wander into it.

** The prisoner of war camp is called "Koldtitz" at it's first mention and then "Coldtitz" for the rest of the script.
** Captain Parkin is referred as "Lieutenant Parkin" near the start of the script, but halfway through becomes a Captain with no explanation.
* SweetPollyOliver: Lieutenant Coles is actually a woman dressed as a male soldier. Despite her best efforts, Colonel Tisspot, Dumdum and Captain Parkin all end up discovering her secret.

* ThatCameOutWrong: Dumdum misinterprets Fritz on the train, until Lieutenant Coles sorts it out for him:
-->'''Fritz''': Good evening, Fraulein. And how far do you go?
-->'''Dumdum''': Eh?!
-->'''Lieutenant Coles''': As far as Berlin.

-->'''Colonel Tisspot''': Is that you, Freddy? Can’t hear anything!
-->'''Mick''': "Over", sir.
-->'''Colonel Tisspot''': What is?
-->'''Mick''': You have to say "over", sir.

-->'''Kapitan Binder''': So! You are wishing to get out. We can arrange it. Ten days in the cooler!
-->'''Kommandant Fokker''': Nein, nein, Kapitan!
-->'''Kapitan Binder''': As you wish, Herr Kommandant. Nine days in the cooler!

--->'''Fraulein Gobbler''': No no, Kommandant. The defence is for me - the woman.

-->'''Kommandant Fokker''': No no, I can manage, I think, thank you.

* BuxomIsBetter: Lieutenant Coles' attempts to disguise herself as a man don't do much to hide her large breasts.

-->'''Kommandant Fokker''': Nein nein, Kapitan!

* BungledSuicide: Kommandant Burger is about to shoot himself after Coldtitz is taken by the Americans, only for an American General to burst into his office and take him by surprising, causing him to shoot his gun off in a random direction:

Soon after, the arrival of new prisoner Lieutenant Pat Coles is destined to shake things up, seeing as Lieutenant Coles is secretly a woman! Forming a plan, Captain Parkin, Dumdum and Lieutenant Phipps and Coles disguise themselves as a Polish family, and set off on a train to Lubeck as HilarityEnsues.

->'''Captain Parkin''': Look, mate. I don't know whether it's going to be a disappointment to you, but we don’t have any females in this camp.

* {{Crossdresser}}: Dumdum plays Cynthia in one of Cyril's productions.

* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: Fraulein Gobbler disappears from the script after her attempts to seduce Kommandant Fokker end with the two of them falling into the Kriegie's escape tunnel.

-->'''Dumdum''': That’s nice. Who's it from?
-->'''Captain Parkin''': My girlfriend! The two-timing little bitch! You can’t trust any of 'em these days.

* TapOnTheHead: Lieutenant Briggs is knocked out by Captain Parkin during his escape attempt, yet recovers later on with no noticable effects.

->'''Captain Parkin''': Look, mate. I don’t know whether it's going to be a disappointment to you, but we don’t have any females in this camp.
->'''Lieutenant Coles''': No? I wouldn’t bet on that.

-->-- '''Captain Fred Parkin''' telling '''Lieutenant Pat Coles''' about the female situation at Koldtitz, unaware that "he" is actually a woman.

--->'''Kommandant Fokker''': It's perfectly simple, Feldwebel! We’re all raving mad! Mad! Ha ha ha!

She goes to take the book.

* Crossdresser: Dumdum plays Cynthia in one of Cyril's productions.