"The following message is a message from the DORD Department."
— DORD Department, "DORD Department Message"
"Listen up! The first rule of Tautology Club is the first rule of Tautology Club."
"Among the many certainties whose lack he complained of, one alone is present, and it is that all things appear to us as they appear to us, and it is impossible for them to appear otherwise."
— The Island of the Day Before, Umberto Eco
"She jerked away from me like a startled fawn might, if I had a startled fawn and it jerked away from me."
Zaphod Beeblebrox: This marble is as slippery as... Hey, Ford, what's the most slippery thing you can think of?
Ford Prefect: At the moment? This marble.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: This marble is as slippery as this marble!
— The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Secondary Phase
Cliff: We should probably go back in and get something to tie down the dolly with.
Greg: Naah, it'll be fine.
Cliff: But the back's empty... It's gonna bang around back here.
Greg: So? What's it gonna hurt? It's a truck. It's made of truck.
"Unfortunately, however, if there was one thing circumstances weren't, it was different from what they were..."
— Bertie Wooster, The Code of the Woosters
"The day is the same length as anything that is the same length as it."
"Cute girls are cute."
— Kazama Ushio, Sasameki Koto
Kate: Where are we going?
Kate: What's in Mexico?
'"It looks like an ordinary penny, because it is an ordinary penny!"
— Plankton, SpongeBob SquarePants
Garfield: Which one?
"You might also find weapon leveling useful but that's only if you find weapon leveling useful, so whether or not you find weapon leveling useful is down to how useful you ultimately find weapon leveling."
"You know why he has to stop? Because he has to stop!"
— romanosperfect300, Let's play Family Guy Part 16
"I hate sand. It's so... sandy."
— Anakin Skywalker, Attack of the Clones
"I baked you a pie!"
The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportion to the quantity of matter they contain — the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A.
— The Devil's Dictionary on gravitation
A blind man's penis is erect because he's blind.
—John Trubee, Peace and Love
"... this made their respective children double first cousins. In addition, because Chang and Eng were identical twins, their children were genetically equivalent to half-siblings, thus making them genetically related in the same manner as half-siblings who are also first cousins."
The problem with asking about prehistoric history is, ahem, the lack of history.
"Soap is made by saponifying oils with alkali"
—Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap label, though that's actually one of the more sensible bits
"Reapers may look evil and crazy, but there's a good reason for that. They ARE evil and crazy."
— Palutena, Kid Icarus: Uprising
"Iím on record as saying that game length isnít an especially good indicator of, well, anything really, except perhaps game length, of which it may be considered a key indicator."
"The challenges we face today are indeed challenging! And we will face them...today."
—Youtuber Ryan Higa, in his presidential parody video
Longcat is long.
Germs are basically a malevolent form of bacteria, with one purpose: to spread germs.
— Look Around You, "Germs"
"No! I'm not Darth Revan! I'm Darth Revan!"
— Darth Revan, Knights of the Old Republic
"The moving parts of a machine are those parts of it that move."
"There's coming on too strong, and then there's setting up a bedroom for someone after the first date. That's just... I can't even come up with a clever analogy for it, because that was going to be my analogy. 'Like setting up a bedroom after the first date.' That's what it's like."
"Only time will tell if we stand the test of time."
— Samuel Hagar
"The future will be better tomorrow."
— Vice-President Dan Quayle
"Our economy has been about as sluggish as a slug at a slug convention. It's gotten so bad, I had to fire my joke writer."
"You're in Rindir's Staffs. And I'm Rindir. I sell magical staffs. Imagine that."
—Rindir, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion