Oh, and Fear Factor, I watched maybe a half hour
After that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions
'Next week on FOX, watch
Lions Eat Christians!'
Time now for Life on Tatooine
, brought to viewers everywhere in the hope that our own lives may be uplifted by the comparison and enriched with the gratitude of relief.
They're like onlookers at a car crash. As long it's not happening to them, they're dying to get a closer look.
Look around. We all live in public now, we're all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don't have to achieve
anything; you just gotta have fucked up-shit happen to you.
Why is everybody we know depressing?
It is not enough for me to succeed. Others must fail.
...thousands of people are waiting to see if we could successfully land
. And although we go there for the science questions, I don't think they were there at 1:30 in the morning because they're dying to know about the pH and salinity of the ancient aqueous environmental stability of Mars.
—Adam Steltzner, Mars Science Laboratory lead engineer for Entry, Decent and Landing on why the Curiosity Rover Landing was so popular.
Million Dollar Drop
was a short-lived game show where couples had $1,000,000 they wagered on trivia knowledge. They placed stacks of bills on trapdoors that of course clanked open when they got a question wrong. It was crushing for people to watch their actual dreams fall away, but the demilich beneath FOX
studios demanded a sacrifice of cash tainted with despair.
The next time you’re at a family reunion and you’re watching your uncles drunkenly fight on the patio after one of them said that the other one’s wife has lonjas for days, try to ignore the sound of your auntie hysterically screaming while trying to break up the fight with her shoe and think to yourself, “Well, at least they’re not AS trashy as Bobby Brown’s family.”
When Bobby Brown’s family got into that big, messy fight at his birthday party, they probably realized that the next time they fight, it should be in front of cameras, because they might as well get paid for their trashiness
. That IS the American way...I wonder which network would actually pay money for this mess. The answer: ALL OF THEM (but you know it’s going to be TLC
, "Bobby Brown’s Family Is Allegedly Shooting A Reality Show Because This Is The World We Live In"
Everybody knows that the only watchable episode of American Idol
is the first one of the season. Therein all the self-delusional idiots fly off the handle when the judges tell them what their hearts already whisper: You are terribly ordinary.