"I have never been able to understand why small children are so disgusting. They're the bane of my life. They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible."
— Agatha Trunchbull, Matilda
"If you children are bad, or if you answer a problem wrong, I'll wiggle my ears, stick out my tongue, and turn you into apples!"
— Mrs. Gorf, Wayside School
"Your performance was horrible. Your parents will all be receiving phone calls instructing them to love you less."
— Ms. Bitters, Invader Zim
"Now if I hear one more peep out of any of you scrubs, someone's going to get... A love punch! Any questions?"
— Miss Kisskillya, Detention
"Now I know you're upset, but it's been two days. You need to move on."
— Mr. Noblet, Strangers with Candy, after Jerri's father was abruptly mauled to death by vicious attack dogs.
"Your psycho-analyst may say one thing, Blatworthy, but I say another. And my treatment is free."
"When we grew up and went to school
There were certain teachers who
Would hurt the children any way they could
By pouring their derision
Upon everything we did
Exposing every weakness
However carefully hidden by the kid"
Snape: That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger... Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all.
Snape: Detention, Weasley... and if I ever hear you criticise the way I teach a class again, you will be very sorry indeed.
"Mr. Pteppic is exactly right. Especially about the over-confidence."
— Mr. Mericet, Pyramids
Fran Fine: What's with you? What, do you like to see young girls suffer?
Miss Stone (nee Wickavich): Oh, yeah! Especially if they cry.
— The Nanny, "The Gym Teacher"
"The whistle makes me their god."
— Dean Winchester masquerading as a gym teacher, Supernatural
"We don’t believe in 'Spare the rod and spoil the child.' A rod is too thin. But a baseball bat..."
— Miss Whaley, Harvester
"It has been pointed out that my obstacle course is dangerous, cruel and sadistic. It has also been pointed out that I myself am dangerous, cruel, and sadistic. So I have decided to cancel 6th period." (kids cheer) "Just Kidding. I'm also funny. I should add that."
— Coach Tugnut, EvenStevens
Terence Fletcher: (throws a chair at Andrew Neyman’s head) Why do you suppose I just hurled a chair at your head, Neyman?
Andrew Neyman: I... I don't know.
Fletcher: Sure you do.
Neyman: The tempo?
Fletcher: Were you rushing or were you dragging?
Neyman: I don't know… (Fletcher quickly walks to Neyman)
Fletcher: Start counting.
Neyman: Five, six, seven.
Fletcher: In FOUR, damn it! Look at me!
Neyman: One, two, three, four (Fletcher slaps Neyman). One, two, three four (slap). One, two, three four (slap).
Fletcher: Now, was I rushing or was I dragging?
Neyman: (Neyman looks petrified) I don't know.
Fletcher: Count again.
Neyman: One, two, three (slap). One, two, three (slap). One, two, three (slap).
Fletcher: Rushing or dragging?
Fletcher: So you DO know the difference! If you deliberately sabotage my band, I will fuck you like a pig. Now are you a rusher? Or are you a dragger? Or are you going to be ON MY FUCKING TIME?!?
Neyman: I'm going to be on your time...