"I think this thing's gone a little too far
Hell, I only offered him a candy bar
I said 'WAIT!' I said 'What are you doin'?'
They said 'PRE-VERT, the kid's life is ruined!'"
looked like pedos, they'd never do any... pedo-ing!"
"Thou shalt not call a man over 30 who plays with a child who is not his own a paedophile — some people are just nice."
— Scroobius Pip, Thou Shalt Always Kill
"By the power vested in my by that bloke I met in the pub — who
knew for definite — I now pronounce you — a paedophile."
"Long-time readers will remember my dissection of Jimmy Savile’s disturbingly rapey 1974 autobiography,
Love is an Uphill Thing, and those of us who survived that journey aren’t exactly bowled over by the revelations that the screeching, schoolgirl-obsessed scarecrow-man was the world’s most prolific paedophile, haunting the highways, byways, and television centres like a predatory Jack Kerouac, seeking only the freedom to be left alone in a room with an under-age girl, while wearing tear-away tracksuit bottoms.
Another of my fascinations, and one that I’ve written about before, is with those wacky, mentally unbalanced conspiracy types, who think the moon is a giant spaceship filled with lizards, and that the Jews are behind everything bad, cackling into piles of our money with fresh baby’s blood around their big Jewish beards. But as much as I mock, they’ve always maintained the notion that every celebrity, policeman and politician is part of one great big paedo ring jamboree."
Guy pulls over, opens and closes car door in general vicinity of child. EVERYBODY PANIC