Quotes / Pædo Hunt

"I think this thing's gone a little too far
Hell, I only offered him a candy bar
I said 'WAIT!' I said 'What are you doin'?'
They said 'PER-VERT, the kid's life is ruined!'"

— Peter, Paul and Mary, "Talkin' Candy Bar Blues"

"If pedos looked like pedos, they'd never do any... pedo-ing!"

— Nina, Being Human.

"Thou shalt not call a man over 30 who plays with a child who is not his own a paedophile — some people are just nice."

— Scroobius Pip, Thou Shalt Always Kill

"I'm bored. Shooting pedophiles in the face will entertain me."

— Frank Castle, The Punisher

"By the powers invested in me by tabloid reading imbeciles, I pronounce you guilty — of paedophilia."

— The Paedofinder General, Monkey Dust

"Why don't you have a seat over there..."

—Chris Hansen, Dateline, "To Catch A Predator."

I know, R. Kelly defending Bill Cosby is like Sarah Palin endorsing Donald Trump as president. Now I’m just waiting for Woody Allen and Subway Jared to publicly take their places in Team Pudding Pop.

—Michael K., "You Saw This Coming"

"Long-time readers will remember my dissection of Jimmy Savile’s disturbingly rapey 1974 autobiography, Love is an Uphill Thing, and those of us who survived that journey aren’t exactly bowled over by the revelations that the screeching, schoolgirl-obsessed scarecrow-man was the world’s most prolific paedophile, haunting the highways, byways, and television centres like a predatory Jack Kerouac, seeking only the freedom to be left alone in a room with an under-age girl, while wearing tear-away tracksuit bottoms."

—Stuart Millard, "Jimmy Savile and David Icke - All the Pieces Matter"

Guy pulls over, opens and closes car door in general vicinity of child. EVERYBODY PANIC

—Fark headline

Sergeant Yates: You know, not every prisoner we have here is black. We do actually do have one white guy!
Mysterion: This is a trap!
Sergeant Yates: I'm sorry, kids, but you leave me no choice.
(Yates opens the cell door, and Jered Fogle steps out)
Singer: He's still lookin' good… eatin' those Subway sandwiches… his name is Jared and he's still lookin' good…
(Cue Jared's Boss Subtitles, which shows a bunch of children running away from him)
Jared: Hey, kids! You want some candy?
The Coon: Oh, fuck, it's Jared.
Sergeant Yates: You'll excuse me if I don't want to watch this. (Leaves via an elevator)

Jared boss fight, South Park: The Fractured but Whole

"A little old for my taste, but I can forgive that just this once!"

—Roark Junior on 19-year-old Nancy Callahan, Sin City

"What the FUCK are you doing? Living in a house filled with pictures of half naked teenage girls. Oh, none of whom you've ever done it with."

—Hayley Stark, Hard Candy

Just to be clear, if you go to a party, and a woman is dressed in [a "sexy small child" costume], do not invite her back to your place. There are police in that van across the street, and they will follow you, shovels at the ready to unearth your terrible, terrible secrets.

—Cracked, 26 Sexy Halloween Costumes That Shouldn't Exist

"Your ultimate fantasy is getting apprehended by the FBI."

—Alex Rochon, What your Persona Ship Says About You, on Joker x Lavenza

"Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls!"

—Mr. Duvall, Mean Girls (2004)

"I, uh... I like 'em younger. As young as possible."

—Haiji Towa, Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls

"Everyone likes children, but that creep likes them in a different way."

—Kuroki referring to Hiiragi, Etra chan saw it!

"You're probably wondering why he's in Hell. Johnny liked little boys."

—Vern, Family Guy

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