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Anime and Manga
Obstacles are for killing.
— Shampoo, Ranma ½
Sousuke: Now, I know what you're thinking — "You should have just killed them al—"
Kaname: No!
Kaname: No!
Fan Works
(as a ghoul-infected Kokoa is baring down on them)
Apoch: Miss Kokoa, stand down!
Astreal: Screw that, she dies!
Apoch: Miss Kokoa, stand down!
Astreal: Screw that, she dies!
— Rosario Vampire: Brightest Darkness Act III
Boss won't get off your back? Girlfriend won't stop nagging you? Did that fuckstick Tiffany sell you a bullshit dagger that broke almost immediately despite that you spend almost half your goddamn Col on it?! Have you considered... Murder?
— Laughing Coffin advertisement, Sword Art Online Abridged
Bitterroot: She wouldn't let you leave, so you killed her?
Amanita: I'm a necromancer. Murder is our default method of problem-solving and it’s easy to reverse.
Amanita: I'm a necromancer. Murder is our default method of problem-solving and it’s easy to reverse.
Film - Animated
Captain Atom: It's not gonna be any easier without Power Girl.
Major Force: We should have killed them when we had the chance.
Atom: We do not kill people. Understand?
Force: Is that right?
Major Force: We should have killed them when we had the chance.
Atom: We do not kill people. Understand?
Force: Is that right?
Film - Live-Action
Don Lope de Aguirre: While Ursua lives you will never be safe.
Don Fernando de Guzman: What can I do about it?
Aguirre: Kill him!
Guzman: While I'm Emperor, law will prevail. No killings without a trial.
Aguirre: Try him — and then kill him!
Don Fernando de Guzman: What can I do about it?
Aguirre: Kill him!
Guzman: While I'm Emperor, law will prevail. No killings without a trial.
Aguirre: Try him — and then kill him!
James Bonomo: We'll figure this thing out, then we'll go get him.
Taylor Kwon: Get him and what?
Bonomo: Get him and take him out.
Kwon: You mean take him in.
Bonomo: Yeah, take him in. Whatever.
Taylor Kwon: Get him and what?
Bonomo: Get him and take him out.
Kwon: You mean take him in.
Bonomo: Yeah, take him in. Whatever.
Irohide: The parents are very irritating. Can I take them out?
Optimus Prime: Ironhide, you know we don't harm humans! What is with you?
Ironhide: Well, I'm just saying we could. It's an option.
Optimus Prime: Ironhide, you know we don't harm humans! What is with you?
Ironhide: Well, I'm just saying we could. It's an option.
For most of the guys, killings became accepted. Murder was the only way that everybody stayed in line. You got out of line, you got whacked; everybody knew the rules. But sometimes, even if people didn't get out of line, they got whacked. I mean, hits just became a habit for some of the guys: Guys get into arguments over nothing and before you knew it one of them was dead.
— Henry Hill, Goodfellas
Skinner: Detective, much as I enjoyed your theories the truth is far less complex. Blower's death was simply because he was an appalling actor.
Killers: Appalling!
Nicholas Angel: You murdered him for that?
Skinner: Well, he killed Bill Shakespeare.
Angel: What? ... oh.
Killers: Appalling!
Nicholas Angel: You murdered him for that?
Skinner: Well, he killed Bill Shakespeare.
Angel: What? ... oh.
"The impulse had become irresistible. There was only one answer to the fury that tortured him. And so he committed his first act of murder. He had broken the most deep-rooted taboo, and found not guilt, not anxiety or fear, but freedom. Any humiliation which stood in his way could be swept aside by the simple act of annihilation: Murder."
—Narrator, Tenebre
Literature
The three of you have one solution to every problem: Murder. No key fits every lock. Someone tries to betray the High King, murder. Someone gives you a harsh look, murder. Someone disrespects you, murder. Someone ruins your laundry, murder.
—Cardan, The Folk of the Air
Death solves all problems — no man, no problem.
— Joseph Stalin, Children of the Arbat
What's the point of defeating something and not killing them?
— Seth, Tales of MU
Spectral Soul Demon Venerable handled matters and conflict with basically one method.
That was to kill!
You do not relent? Kill!
You are an eyesore? Kill!
His own mood was bad? Kill!
He was bored? Kill!
Right, so the only smart way out of this was to kill all of them. I was going to have to take the dumb way out of this.
Live-Action TV
Willow: We'll find [Warren] another way.
Buffy: And then what?
Willow: And then we'll kill him.
Buffy: And then what?
Willow: And then we'll kill him.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Villains"
Saul: Why don't you just kill Badger?
Walter and Jesse: (Stunned Silence)
Saul: I mean, follow me, guys, if a mosquito is buzzing around, you don't go after the mosquito's attorney, you grab a swatter, so to speak. I mean, with all due respect, do I need to spell it out for you?
Mike: You want me to kill every man on this list?
Lydia: Whoa, that's a leap... I didn't say that... But if you think it'd be wise...
Mike: I don't know what kind of movies you've been watching, but here, in the real world, we don't kill 11 men as some kind of prophylactic measure.
Saul: We were wondering if, uh... maybe this isn't an Old Yeller-type situation.
Walter: Old Yeller?
Saul: Yeah. Old Yeller was the best, most loyal dog there ever was. I mean, everyone loved that mutt, but one day he showed up rabid and little Timmy — for Old Yeller's own sake — had to... I mean, you saw the movie.
Walter: (beat) You're full of colorful metaphors, aren't you, Saul? Belize, Old Yeller... just brimming with advice.
Walter: Old Yeller?
Saul: Yeah. Old Yeller was the best, most loyal dog there ever was. I mean, everyone loved that mutt, but one day he showed up rabid and little Timmy — for Old Yeller's own sake — had to... I mean, you saw the movie.
Walter: (beat) You're full of colorful metaphors, aren't you, Saul? Belize, Old Yeller... just brimming with advice.
Wise Woman: Three paths are open to you. Three cunning plans to cure thy ailment.
Blackadder: Oh good.
Wise Woman: The first is simple - kill Bob!
Blackadder: Never!
Wise Woman: Then try the second - kill yourself!
Blackadder: And the third?
Wise Woman: The third is to ensure that no-one else ever knows...
Blackadder: Ah, that sounds more like it. How?
Wise Woman: Kill EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!! Mwahahahaha!
Blackadder: Oh good.
Wise Woman: The first is simple - kill Bob!
Blackadder: Never!
Wise Woman: Then try the second - kill yourself!
Blackadder: And the third?
Wise Woman: The third is to ensure that no-one else ever knows...
Blackadder: Ah, that sounds more like it. How?
Wise Woman: Kill EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!! Mwahahahaha!
— Blackadder, "Bells"
Frenchie: Wile E. Coyote. Always chases Road Runner, always with an elaborate plan, always fails. You know, I always say, "Why do this, Coyote? All you need is an AR-15, and 'meep meep' no more."
Butcher: Exactly, see? We're just gonna shoot Road Runner in the fucking head.
Butcher: Exactly, see? We're just gonna shoot Road Runner in the fucking head.
Jake: Okay, so we can't get away from Holt. I mean, should we tell him to leave, that he's ruining our honeymoon?
Amy: No, that would crush him, and he's already so crushed. Wait, I got it.
Jake: We kill Holt!
Amy: No!
Jake: No, that was crazy for a multitude of reasons.
Amy: No, that would crush him, and he's already so crushed. Wait, I got it.
Jake: We kill Holt!
Amy: No!
Jake: No, that was crazy for a multitude of reasons.
Podcasts
Dev: So his solution to his disappointing family and financial woes? Murder.
Jasmine: That's clearly the solution. Clearly.
Dev: The only way to handle anything is to just murder your way out of it.
Jasmine: 'cause that always works out properly.
Jasmine: That's clearly the solution. Clearly.
Dev: The only way to handle anything is to just murder your way out of it.
Jasmine: 'cause that always works out properly.
— Sick Sad World, "Fathers In Crime"
Stand-Up Comedy
They always seem to say "violence is never the best option," to which I am hastily reminded of World War II.
— Richard Jeni, "A Big Stinking Pile of Me"
Video Games
Rebecca: Sigma Team beat us here, we're too late.
Galina: What do we do?
Shaun: Killing really is the least productive way to achieve our goals. [Beat] Kill them all.
Galina: What do we do?
Shaun: Killing really is the least productive way to achieve our goals. [Beat] Kill them all.
Batman: I thought I made it clear: heroes don't resort to murder to solve their problems.
Vigilante-Joker: Aw, but it's so effective!
Vigilante-Joker: Aw, but it's so effective!
Crazy Mage 1: We cannot trust anyone.
Crazy Mage 2: Especially each other.
Crazy Mage 3: Oh, the solution is so simple. We KILL. KILL everyone.
Crazy Mage 1: How delightful.
(everyone attacks each other)
Crazy Mage 2: Especially each other.
Crazy Mage 3: Oh, the solution is so simple. We KILL. KILL everyone.
Crazy Mage 1: How delightful.
(everyone attacks each other)
Kill one person, and you can solve so many problems. I wonder at the possibilities.
— Runa Fair-Shield (age ten), The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Boone: We're coming up on Nelson. I'm gonna kill every Legion in there. I hope that's not a problem.
The Courier: No, that's not a problem. That's a solution.
Boone: Goddamn right it is. You and me, we're just a couple of problem-solvers.
The Courier: No, that's not a problem. That's a solution.
Boone: Goddamn right it is. You and me, we're just a couple of problem-solvers.
I am so lost right now. What is he even talking about? Never mind. Let's just kill the bandits. I'm sure it'll sort itself out.
— Chrom, Fire Emblem: Awakening
"Is there no end to these annoying insects? I will burn your resistance to ashes and you along with it!"
—Infinite, Sonic Forces
Look at his shit-eating grin... He knows that there is nothing you can do to him. He's bullying you and you're helpless. Kill him. Kill him now. He won't see death coming.
— Half Light, Disco Elysium
Web Animation
Adam Taurus: Your master was concerned about Sienna's willingness to cooperate. Now she doesn't have to be.
Hazel Rainhart: Nobody needed to die today.
Adam: I... disagree.
Hazel Rainhart: Nobody needed to die today.
Adam: I... disagree.
— RWBY
It's murder. The plan is murder.
Red, Running Gag for the Medea video
Pyotr Stolypin: Step one, reform agriculture. This will make the peasants love you.
Nicholas II: And step two?
Stolypin: Uhh...we'll kill anyone who doesn't.
Nicholas II: And step two?
Stolypin: Uhh...we'll kill anyone who doesn't.
— OverSimplified, "The Russian Revolution"
Webcomics
Red Mage: I assume we know what is to be done now.
Thief: Slit their throats, take their wallets, and tell Sarda we did the Air Orb thing.
Black Mage: Slit their bellies, urinate into the wounds, maybe rub in some dirt, and let septic shock set in.
Red Mage: Or we could ask them how to do the quest. Just a thought.
Black Mage: I don't follow.
Red Mage: Doing something that isn't psychotic, it's crazy, I know. I'm throwin' it out there.
Thief: Slit their throats, take their wallets, and tell Sarda we did the Air Orb thing.
Black Mage: Slit their bellies, urinate into the wounds, maybe rub in some dirt, and let septic shock set in.
Red Mage: Or we could ask them how to do the quest. Just a thought.
Black Mage: I don't follow.
Red Mage: Doing something that isn't psychotic, it's crazy, I know. I'm throwin' it out there.
— 8-Bit Theater, "Relief
"
"Black Mage: When am I going to learn? If you want something slaughtered, you've got to slice open its belly yourself.
Muffin: You don't want to kill me.
Black Mage: Not specifically, no. But I enjoy killing in the academic sense. Also in the murder sense.
Muffin: You don't want to kill me.
Black Mage: Not specifically, no. But I enjoy killing in the academic sense. Also in the murder sense.
Benny: Would you help me explain how much easier and quicker killing is?
Richard: I'm still trying to figure out what "conscience" means.
Richard: I'm still trying to figure out what "conscience" means.
MOST people don't kill, Haley! That's why there are laws against murder. It's only adventurers who think, "Hmm, how can I solve this problem? Oh, right, bloodshed!"
— Celia, The Order of the Stick
As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of resolving approaches zero... ...And That Would Be Wrong.
— Vaarsuvius, The Order of the Stick
Solve a man's problems with violence, help him for a day. Teach a man to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime!
— Belkar Bitterleaf, The Order of the Stick
Gabe: I have an idea.
Tycho: We're not going to murder anyone.
Gabe: I don't have any ideas.
Tycho: We're not going to murder anyone.
Gabe: I don't have any ideas.
Gav: Maybe you're thinking this would be easier if you were allowed to shoot everybody who isn't one of your own?
Elf: Oh, that's always easier. Are you putting that option on the table?
Elf: Oh, that's always easier. Are you putting that option on the table?
Web Original
I'm sure it will all become clear once we've killed the right person.
— Dupre, Nakar's Let's Play of Ultima VII Part II: Serpent Isle
of Ultima VII Part II: Serpent IsleFollow the money. Who profits from extreme weather? The elite cabal of The Weather Channel, of course. By manipulating the climate for better ratings, the CEO stands to make literally thousands hundreds tens of dollars. This conspiracy may or may not be entirely serious and may be ranked among the likes of the conspiracy that Princess Diana was murdered by florists who wanted to boost sales.
— Rational Wiki
Are those birds outside chirping a little too loud? Well, just fucking kill them!
Are your loud neighbors keeping you up at night? Well just FUCKING KILL THEM!
Are your loud neighbors keeping you up at night? Well just FUCKING KILL THEM!
As the saying goes: "If your only tool is a hammer, then all your problems start to look like people that need to be beaten with a hammer."
Is a rookie cop getting close to uncovering your secret cabal that has spent years gradually subverting the government? Do you: a) approach him, and try to induct him into your ranks by carefully spoonfeeding him the ideals of your organisation; b) bribe him, by covering the medical expenses of his sickly son, thereby buying not only his silence but his loyalty; c) let him catch a know-nothing incompetent lacky, purging your ranks of a fool while sating the rookie's sense of justice; d) distract him with a different case, then falsify information saying the previous case was solved; e) use your extensive connections to cheaply transfer him somewhere else, or just fire him from the police force?
The proper answer is: f) murder his wife and child, before torturing the rookie, and then leave him to die, but never actually check the body to make sure he's dead. Murder should always be used as a first resort, no matter how messy or expensive it is. Minions outlived their usefulness? Murder. Bystanders witnessed the murdering of your minion? Murder. Bystanders witnessed the murdering of the other bystanders who witnessed the murdering of your minion? Murder! Right-hand man point out that maybe we should ease up on the whole murder thing, because it's starting to draw attention to the ancient conspiracy? Murder.
The proper answer is: f) murder his wife and child, before torturing the rookie, and then leave him to die, but never actually check the body to make sure he's dead. Murder should always be used as a first resort, no matter how messy or expensive it is. Minions outlived their usefulness? Murder. Bystanders witnessed the murdering of your minion? Murder. Bystanders witnessed the murdering of the other bystanders who witnessed the murdering of your minion? Murder! Right-hand man point out that maybe we should ease up on the whole murder thing, because it's starting to draw attention to the ancient conspiracy? Murder.
—- Terrible Writing Advice, Intrigue Plots
Nordern: Is that how you win every argument, just shoot the opposition in the face?
Womble: It's worked so far!
Womble: It's worked so far!
If I could have just strangled everyone this could've gone a lot smoother
Western Animation
Stan: That's how you try to throw Francine off the trail [of you killing Melinda]?! By killing her?! You know, maybe she should go to the police! At least then, she'd be safe!
Bullock: Fine, Stan. But if you don't want her to say "I told you so," there's only one option.
Stan: There's gotta be another way.
Bullock: There is none. She can either be dead... or she can be right.
Bullock: Fine, Stan. But if you don't want her to say "I told you so," there's only one option.
Stan: There's gotta be another way.
Bullock: There is none. She can either be dead... or she can be right.
— American Dad!, "Four Little Words"
Look, I can name at least two or three instances in my life where I tried to work out some shit by trying to find some mutual understanding, and I can tell you, it's always faster and easier to just kill'em.
— Gin Rummy, The Boondocks
Joe: Quagmire, you're talking about murdering a guy! It doesn't matter what he's done, it's still murder!
Quagmire: No, Joe, it does matter what he's done! T-These kinds of guys don't change! Y-You think they ever suddenly wake up, and realize the error of their ways, and clean up their act? NO! They just keep ruining everyone's lives, and the world is better off without 'em!note
Quagmire: No, Joe, it does matter what he's done! T-These kinds of guys don't change! Y-You think they ever suddenly wake up, and realize the error of their ways, and clean up their act? NO! They just keep ruining everyone's lives, and the world is better off without 'em!note
— Family Guy, "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q."
[Cartman gets his friends in a huddle after their roleplaying game ends with Butters getting a ninja star in his eye]
Cartman: Alright, you guys, we need to stay calm and just do the right thing. We have to kill Butters and bury him in Kyle's backyard.
Stan: Dude, shut up!
Kyle: I agree with Cartman!
Stan: What?!
Kyle: You don't understand what my mom will do to me if she finds out I was playing with weapons!
Cartman: Alright, you guys, we need to stay calm and just do the right thing. We have to kill Butters and bury him in Kyle's backyard.
Stan: Dude, shut up!
Kyle: I agree with Cartman!
Stan: What?!
Kyle: You don't understand what my mom will do to me if she finds out I was playing with weapons!
—South Park, "Good Times with Weapons"
Real Life
"Shoot Gandhi, and if that does not suffice to reduce them to submission, shoot a dozen leading members of Congress; and if that does not suffice, shoot 200 and so on until order is established. You will see how quickly they will collapse as soon as you make it clear that you mean business."
— Adolf Hitler to Lord Halifax in 1937
"Death solves all problems—no man, no problem."
—Anatoly Rybakov
