"The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting."
— Fact Sphere, Portal 2
Homer: Bart, go to your room!
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad!
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions, you barbecue-wrecking, know-nothing know-it-all!
—The Simpsons, "Lisa the Vegetarian"
Mulder: He just wants some dating advice.
Scully: From whom?
Mulder: Yours truly. (long silence) Hello? Scully??
Scully: Mulder......... when was the last time you went on a date?
Mulder: I will talk to you later. (hangs ups)
—The X-Files, "The Rain King"
"To the left of the fireplace, a chiaroscuro Neapolitan painting by Viola. 'Typical of early eighteenth-century South German painting,' boomed the journalist Joe Alsop. As Joe was an expert on everything, he was generally wrong on everything, particularly on his subject, politics. For thirty years we were losing to Communism, according to Joe."
—Gore Vidal, Palimpsest
"If knowledge is power, then the Internet is full of completely useless power."
— Brett Erlich, Viral Video Film School: The Internet's Dumbest How-To Videos
"You can't call yourself a 'think tank' if all your ideas are stupid."
—Bill Maher on the Heritage Foundation
"Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest.”
"Having equal rights does not mean having equal talents, equal abilities, or equal knowledge. It assuredly does not mean that 'everyone’s opinion about anything is as good as anyone else’s.' And yet, this is now enshrined as the credo of a fair number of people despite being obvious nonsense... To take but one horrifying example, we live today in an advanced post-industrial country that is now fighting a resurgence of whooping cough — a scourge nearly eliminated a century ago — merely because otherwise intelligent people have been second-guessing their doctors and refusing to vaccinate their kids after reading stuff written by people who know exactly zip about medicine. (Yes, I mean people like Jenny McCarthy.)"
The Federalist, "The Death of Expertise"
"[Robert] McNamara was apotheosized as the very model of the modern star business executive, the first non-Ford to be president of Ford Motor Company and the first MBA from Harvard to ascend so high in government. Or so he was lionized until his management genius (and its accompanying arrogance) proved to be worthless, if not counterproductive, to manage an intratable guerilla war in Vietnam."
—Frank Rich, The Greatest Story Ever Sold
"Collins College has the same approach to education as Nigerian Princes have to economics."
"'Trump University' is proof that you can't make words explode, no matter how violently you combine opposites. Donald Trump can lose money in a casino when he owns it. He doesn't learn from his mistakes, he bankrupts or sues them, and the only thing he can teach people is that they shouldn't have given him their money, a lesson his educational dialysis facility taught well. It called itself "Trump University" despite a total lack of accreditation. A strip club could claim they were teaching anatomy with exactly the same legitimacy. It was legally forced to change its name by the New York State Department of Education, which stated, 'Use of the word 'university' by your corporation is misleading and violates New York Education Law.' Even in New York, a city of shining spires to every kind of financial bullshit imaginable, it is illegal for Trump to claim that he can teach you anything."
"Jeffrey Lyons is the most reliable movie critic in the world…if you do the opposite of everything he says. He is a man so impressively wrong that you would do well to stay as far away from his advice as you can."
"This is Final Fantasy VIII's only optional dungeon, and it has the potential to be a doozy. Don't listen to a single goddamn word Zell says unless you feel like spending three hours instead of three minutes getting to the bottom. This is something I had to learn the hard way."
—Pat R., "A Series Discovers Its Crack Pipe"
"Late in 1988, a former soldier of fortune and treasure hunter named Randy Widner invited Seagal, Goldman and another man to hunt for treasure off the coast of Barbados. At that time, Seagal had been telling Goldman that he’d been a U.S. Navy SEAL. Evidently this was one frogman who did not take well to water... 'The surf was unbelievable, really tough… He started screaming and panicking and was sure he was going to die and all that crap... Wildner had to pull Seagal by his hair.'"
—Ex-mercanary Gary Goldman on Steven Seagal, Spy magazine