Rule 71: The internet is SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.
"New Rule: Debates held in the Internet 'Comments' section have to make me hate all of humanity less. Here's a recap of every debate ever held in an Internet "Comment" section. Ready? 'Obama's a socialist.' 'Oh, yeah? Bush is a war criminal, fag.' 'Who are you calling a ‘fag,' faggot?' The end. And then, of course, someone chimes in with, 'Ron Paul 2012!' and they call that guy a fag. And then I can't help myself, so I type, 'Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! This is a porn site!'"
— Bill Maher, Real Time with Bill Maher
Next you post your program to the Internet. Thirty seconds later, you receive another crash report. That user entered: fart.
You can patch this, too, but you’d really like to understand it first. Was this just, somehow, another honest mishap? You send the user an e-mail: “Why? Why would you enter ‘fart’?”
He writes back: “blue.” This is the moment you realize that some people just want to watch the world burn. And nothing is ever the same again.
You can patch this, too, but you’d really like to understand it first. Was this just, somehow, another honest mishap? You send the user an e-mail: “Why? Why would you enter ‘fart’?”
He writes back: “blue.” This is the moment you realize that some people just want to watch the world burn. And nothing is ever the same again.
— Blake Ross, "Mr. Fart's Favorite Colors
"
""At the most extreme, anonymous ‘trolls’ bully, threaten and otherwise persecute their victims, spreading fear and despair. I’m sure such unpleasant people have always existed, but the internet has given them a voice and a sense of their own destructive power."
"Can the internet make us better human beings? Judging from YouTube comments, no. And you're gay!"
Put the right troll in the right message board or comment section and he can completely destroy any chance of discussion — he has effectively broken the system for no other reason than personal amusement. It's ego masturbation. It happened so much at Popular Science that they shut down their comment section. It was as if a thousand voices cried out the word "fag" and were suddenly silenced.
"Xbox Live is an online homophobia club for pre-teen Tourette’s sufferers."
Congratulations! You're on your way to becoming a destructive member of the YouTube community!
me: nobody has to get owned today. please, please put down the keyboard and step back
9 year old child: Fuck oyu
9 year old child: Fuck oyu
— @dril
"The Internet sometimes facilitates dickishness; I don't know why that is, but it is."
"...I absolutely hate this idea of exploiting the Internet to express the shit side of yourself. It eats you up, on one hand, and it may be infectious and dangerous to those who are near, on the other. I'd rather be modestly boring, naively pompous, and politely narcissistic than a thrilling, exciting, over-the-top asshole with an exaggerated disrespect for anybody who does not want to conform to a set paradigm."
"If you’re thinking ‘come on, that doesn’t seem like that big a problem’, congratulations on your white penis."
— John Oliver, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, on online harassment.
"YouTube comments: the most cogent written argument for never learning how to read."
— John Oliver, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
"Everybody, it isn't you! It's the Internet! It's consuming your lives making you paranoid and stupid! And this movie is at the heart of it!"
"The internet and the anonymity it grants has made harassment easier. According to several studies, Fisk said, the lack of social cues and perceived lack of consequences afforded online communication also changes the way people treat one another."
— This article at Polygon
at Polygon"The Internet is a wonderful place
The ability to retrieve information on any subject
Or communicate with anybody around the world
It's a significant step to world peace
And the evolution of the human race—
And then you got these assholes who gotta be like
"I'm gonna shit all over this precious gift to mankind!"
Oh, yeah, the answers are out there
But you're gonna have to dig through a colossal pile of shit to get at them!
Thank you for ruining the Internet!
Thank you for ruining the Internet!
Thank you for ruining the Internet!
Thank you for ruining the Internet!"
The ability to retrieve information on any subject
Or communicate with anybody around the world
It's a significant step to world peace
And the evolution of the human race—
And then you got these assholes who gotta be like
"I'm gonna shit all over this precious gift to mankind!"
Oh, yeah, the answers are out there
But you're gonna have to dig through a colossal pile of shit to get at them!
Thank you for ruining the Internet!
Thank you for ruining the Internet!
Thank you for ruining the Internet!
Thank you for ruining the Internet!"
"And now, Real Men of Genius (Real Men of Genius) Today we salute you Mr. Asshat Forum Troll. (Mr. Asshat Forum Troll!) You barge into any thread, spewing your brain diarrhea like it was relief water for Ethiopians. (Brain Diarrhea!) There aren't enough smilies available to illustrate everyone's disdain for you. Rolleyes, red mad face, puking green guy, and the finger dude just aren't enough. (Exclamation mark, eleventy one!) No one is LOLing when you enter the thread. You single-handedly lower the IQ of the Internet with every post you make. (STFU, r'tard!) It takes guts to do what you do, presenting your contrary opinion in the cold harsh light of incontrovertible facts. Here's to you Mr. Asshat Forum Troll. (Mr. Asshat Forum Troll!)"
"Roseanne has always been a racist weirdo, and James Gunn has always pushed the bounds of good taste with his humor. What changed was the involvement of internet mobs. By capitulating to the Twitter rage of a few thousand assholes, Disney is subtly teaching us that online mobs, no matter how stupid their platform, can make a difference. It doesn't matter if they're right, as long as they're loud. And that's great when it means firing a sex offender, but it's a hell of a lot less great when it means ousting somebody for a joke they already apologized for years ago. [...] In none of these cases are there any kind of core values that the company is adhering to. They'll support or censor whatever appeases the most zealous crowd. Which means they're incentivizing trolls to become bigger and bigger assholes, because it's the only thing that works."
"Default multiplayer voice-chat is the swollen appendix of shooters. It might once have served a function, but now it's a useless bag of pus threatening to kill everyone. Professional teams use third-party programs. People playing with friends use private parties. The only ones making noise on the default channel are: a) using the microphone to help them swallow deep-fried oysters, b) neglected children so desperate for attention they'd take social tips from To Catch a Predator and c) those same children after 30 years of confusing kill-count for achievement. Multiplayer voice-chat should be off by default. That way you can turn it on if you want. The same way you can read YouTube comments if you want."
[On YouTube comment section] Josh Orr-Fahey: You ever see someone so ugly, it makes you literally angry and physically disgusted? Ross does that to me. I think he is legitimately the most repulsive living being on this planet. It sounds like hyperbole, but I'm being genuine.
[On Instagram] Ross: Today, I met the love of my life in the comments section on YouTube.
— Ross Tweedell, and a random comment found in the "WWE Raw & SmackDown Live New Year WTF Moments | A Cage Match, Giant Baby & John Cena's Hair" video
videoDeadpool: You know why I love the Internet? Because it's just like me!
White Box: Vulgar, combative and contradictory?
Yellow Box: Overflowing with perversion and stupidity?
Deadpool: Yes, and yes.
White Box: Vulgar, combative and contradictory?
Yellow Box: Overflowing with perversion and stupidity?
Deadpool: Yes, and yes.
— Deadpool
"...But on the Internet where you can remain anonymous, support for Kira is growing... Human beings are like that... Though this would probably never come up, suppose we discussed in class whether bad people deserve to die. 'It's just wrong to kill people,' that's what they're bound to say. Of course, that's the appropriate response to give, right? Human beings must always maintain appearances in public, that's just how we are. But this is how they really feel."
— Light Yagami, Death Note
"I just wish people weren't such snobs. Just play what is fun to you. The Internet is an embarrassment to mankind most days.. But asking the Internet to grow up is like asking water to not be wet."
— A comment on the Destructoid preview of DotA 2
"Why is it all the MRAs and Feminists I know in meatspace are reasonable people, but the ones I meet through the internet are all psychopaths?"
— thehorror2, Married with Children as a Parody of Men's Rights Activists", The Escapist Forums
, The Escapist Forums I think the internet was specifically invented so that bitter people could rip on others with impunity.
— Stephan Pastis, Pearls Falls Fast
"This is why my kids are never playing video games."
— The Boss, Saints Row: The Third
"People like you badmouth me on the Internet! But then they behave properly in person... so I can't get mad at them! You no longer get preferential treatment! I'M IN DESPAIR! THE INTERNET HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"
— Nozomu Itoshiki, Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei
"On internet messageboards, there is no subject so vile or indefensible that someone won't post positively/in defense of it."
— Skarka's Law, RPG.net
"Gotta love the internet. Where everyone can be a dick."
— Dean Winchester, Supernatural "Mint Condition"
Silica: Why does [Rosalia] have to be so mean?
Kirito: Well, is Sword Art Online your first MMO?
Silica: Uh-huh.
Kirito: A lot of people's personalities change when they play games online, and some actually like playing the game as the bad guy. You see how our cursors are green? Well, if you commit a crime against another player, your cursor's gonna turn orange. Then they become what's called a red player, the worst, also known as player-killers. They're all about murder.
Silica: They kill other players!?
Kirito: In a normal game, they roleplay as the bad guy, have some laughs, and it's cool. But Sword Art Online isn't normal. It's definitely not a game.
Kirito: Well, is Sword Art Online your first MMO?
Silica: Uh-huh.
Kirito: A lot of people's personalities change when they play games online, and some actually like playing the game as the bad guy. You see how our cursors are green? Well, if you commit a crime against another player, your cursor's gonna turn orange. Then they become what's called a red player, the worst, also known as player-killers. They're all about murder.
Silica: They kill other players!?
Kirito: In a normal game, they roleplay as the bad guy, have some laughs, and it's cool. But Sword Art Online isn't normal. It's definitely not a game.
"The 360 also has the best online support with the Xbox LIVE malarkey, although the player base can charitably be described as lively, and uncharitably described as a bunch of hooting dick holes."
— Zero Punctuation, Console Rundown
"I'd turn the voice chat on, immediately hear the word "nigger," and turn it off again."
"I joined a bike race and the host, a much higher level player, immediately closed the invites when I did so, and I quickly realized why. Your prior race performance is summarized to other players as "Won X, Lost Y," but annoyingly, coming first is the only thing that counts as a win, regardless of how many players took part. [...] And Professor Dipshit here must have deduced that he could pad his stats with an easy win against this less experienced player. Well, I hope he felt cunning in the brief moment before I quit the race in disgust. See, this is what happens when you have score tables in online games! It is a lightning rod for all the twat-sanders who couldn't give a flake of fried jizz about gameplay and just want to cheat their way to the high score because it makes their erection throb as it lays across their motorbike engine like a saveloy on a mailbox."
— Zero Punctuation, GTA Online again
"The biggest problem with the internet is that deranged fuckers out there can hide behind their screens, write a comment to an actor telling an actor to kill themselves, and then just close down their computers, return to their lives and face no fucking consequences. It's not even these few psychopaths who do this, it's the culture of the internet. So many of the people you see on the street have likely written a nasty comment to somebody before. It means absolutely nothing to them and doesn't impact them or their loved ones at all. But it can truly break the person reading it. It doesn't matter if you think Hayden Christensen did a poor job portraying Anakin Skywalker, it doesn't matter if you think George Lucas made some bad movies, it doesn't matter even if you're correct in these opinions, which, knock-knock, is fucking subjective. But, let's say even if you were right these were bad movies objectively, it gives you absolutely no right to attack them for it, to bully them online or to write hurtful shit you'd never say to them in person. I honestly don't understand how people can get so angry over some fucking movies that they do shit like this. If I don't like a movie, then I won't watch it again. It's that simple. And if I'm very invested in that franchise the movie's a part of, then I'll still love the franchise. And if you can't do that, respectfully step away, then that's on you. Don't be a bitch just because you can't handle a little bit of adversity in your life. I swear to God, people like this wouldn't last a day in the shoes of the people who are targets of this hate. No fucking chance."
— TurfNation, "Toxic Prequel Haters (Toxic Star Wars Fans)"
"This is the worst type of harassment 'cause you do it from a distance
Persistent 'cause you can hide from any face-to-face resistance
Little pissants posting pictures and comments on people's pages
Too dickless for situations where they'd need to be courageous
Persistent 'cause you can hide from any face-to-face resistance
Little pissants posting pictures and comments on people's pages
Too dickless for situations where they'd need to be courageous
EpicLloyd, Dis Raps For Hire Season 2 episode 4
Social media made you all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- "So at this point, we get the reveal that Ryan isn't talking about the Doctor, but rather eulogizing his recently deceased gran. Two dislikes!"
—Jay Exci, The Fall of Doctor Who
