Quotes: Chainsaw Good

Put down that chainsaw and listen to me!
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Dare to be Stupid"

Billy solves his problems by calling up his mom
Heather solves her problems with drugs and alcohol
Daniel solves his problems with a doctor and the law
But Malcolm's got his own way and it's better than them all
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
And he never has the same problem twice!
The Arrogant Worms, Malcolm

Ethan: So we both have a bunch of little plastic men, right? and we move them manually. Then, when we fight, we roll dice and then do math to figure out who hits who. But there are no actual battles, or explosions. We use our imaginations like a couple of savages. It sounds almost as fun as chewing used medical syringes.
Lucas: These guys here have Chainsaw swords.
Ethan: This is the coolest game ever. Hurry up and figure out how to play so my little plastic dudes can chainsaw your little plastic dudes.

"As you prepare to leave the town, you- Uh, Lewis, are we boring you?"
"Nah, I was just thinking how Star Wars might've been cooler if they had chain saws intead of light sabers."
Problems? Problems? There is no problem I cannot solve with this...
— Attributed to Mad Chainsaw Johnson, Warhammer 40,000

Make your swords become like things unto chainsaws.
Glorious Chainsaw Method, Eight Bit Theater

"You're too big to fit in a plane so... I'm going to make you compact! It'll take no time at all!"
Mao, Code Geass

"A chainsaw? As if things weren't bad enough already!"
Sheva Alomar, Resident Evil 5

Nexus War, in-game description of the Chainsaw weapon

"Chainsaws historically have now probably been used more often against zombies in games than against wood in real life."
Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, Zero Punctuation, on Left 4 Dead 2

Giles: We're going to have to create a door.
Anya: Create a door? You can do that?
Giles: I can. *revs chainsaw*

"EVERY TUESDAY, EPIC MEAL TIME! Comin' at you with a chainsaw and a big pile o'meat! If you ain't down with that? THEN YOU AIN'T DOWN WITH COOKING!"
Harley Morenstein, Epic Meal Time

"Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw."
Heather Chandler, Heathers

Otto: I added the saws!
Sprx: You add saws to everything.

"All the birds love a scar."
Eddie Hitler, Bottom, shortly before having his legs cut off with a chainsaw

"Oh, Rico. Chainsaw's your answer to everything!"
Private, The Penguins of Madagascar, "I Was A Penguin Zombie"

"You'd be surprised how many of my transactions involve power tools."
Kenzi, Lost Girl

Maybe the average young girl didn't speak of chainsaws in the same way, but Virginia felt that that was their loss. As fashion accessories they had the edge on nearly anything else, when it came to getting you a lot of attention. And respect.

"Oh, good. My dog found the chainsaw!"
Lilo Pelekai, Lilo & Stitch

Mouse Doctor: Bring me the Epidermal Tissue Disruptor!
(Nurse mice hoist up a chainsaw and rev it up)
Wilder: Oh no... no... no... NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

"Some people are born to use a chainsaw, others have chainsaws thrust upon them."

"Gotta love this job." *revs chainsaw*
Stella Bonasera, CSI: NY

"I love this saw! This saw's a part of me, and I'm gonna make it a part of you!"
Buzzsaw, The Running Man

"Suck my spinning steel, shithead!"
Derek, Bad Taste

"A chainsaw! Find some meat!"