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If your cords are frayed, if your plug is loose or the socket is damaged... or if the bed suddenly catches fire, it's a sign you've got a loose connection.
"Meet Monsieur Verdoux, a man who admires beauty, cares for small children, and has taken half the pleasure of murdering twelve of his wives."
— "The Charlie Chaplin Centennial Collection" blurb on Monsieur Verdoux
Anime & Manga
Yesterday, I saw the world in monochrome... just a black fog closing in on me. Blue skies! Green trees! Red blood! I forgot the world was so full of color!
— Akira Tendo, Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead
Comic Books
Pull yourself together... Don't go to pieces now. You're the chairman of the convention committee. You're a successful orthodontist. You have a shack out in Vermont that no one knows about, with four full chest freezers (and isn't it time to buy a fifth?)...
— Nimrod, The Sandman: "Collectors"
Fanfics
I don't wanna be dead! I'm only sixteen! I never got into college! I never took my driving test! Daniel Radcliffe never replied to the email proposal I sent him!
— Suzianna Goldenfur, The Official Fanfiction University of Redwall
Villager 1: Window!
Villager 2: Meat!
Villager 3: Rug!
Villager 4: Chimney!
Villager 5: I'm incarcerated!
Villager 2: Meat!
Villager 3: Rug!
Villager 4: Chimney!
Villager 5: I'm incarcerated!
— This
parody of "Belle" from Beauty and the Beast
parody of "Belle" from Beauty and the Beast Those interviews had always quickly devolved into questions about Jake’s favorite foods, what Marco had been like as a baby, what it was really like being forced to attempt to murder one’s family, all that inane nonsense.
— Tom's narration, Animorphs fanfic Ghost in the Shell
He closes his eyes, and even with the winds this high up, he can pick up all the familiar scents. He plants his hands on the edge of the roof, and sinks himself into the smells of the city; the sea air, fresh-cut wood, the hempen rope that was just looped over his head and expertly tightened around his neck.
Of course. She raised this child. She gave him a home, heard his first word, taught him to read, gave him baths, carried him in a baby harness, read him stories when he was hyper, cheered him on when he was banned from the local ice cream shop, cleaned up vomit in the middle of the night, and even officially adopted him when he asked.
Furthermore, I am not human, and while I have been able to observe human behavior, sometimes your culture’s mores and traditions elude me, and do so for years. Trivial things, like what foods are acceptable for breakfast, what smells are considered pleasant to your palate, or the concept of war crimes.
Film — Animated
"President Business is gonna end the world? But he's such a good guy! And Octan, they make good stuff: music, dairy products, coffee, TV shows, surveillance systems, all history books, voting machines..." [Beat] "wait a minute."
— Emmet, The LEGO Movie
Guy: (Translating for the punch monkeys) "...it was a time of much joy. The water flowed freely, the bananas grew in bunches. We had art, politics, economics. But most of all, bananas. So many bananas. Then, at full moon, the monster came for its bananas. Yup, good times."
Grug: Wait, um, go back.
Phil: Yeah, did he say "monster"?
Grug: Wait, um, go back.
Phil: Yeah, did he say "monster"?
"The fossa. They're always annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off."
— King Julien, Madagascar
"Oh, isn't there someone else you can annoy? Friends? Family? Poisonous reptiles?"
— Manfred to Sid, Ice Age
"Hello, trees. Hello, birds. Hello, scary, freezing mist. Oh, dear. Lucky they can't hear me. I wouldn't want them thinking I'm a scaredy-train or anything."
— Train, The Magic Roundabout (2005)
Film — Live-Action
"Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped."
— Prince Humperdinck, The Princess Bride
"This is the Captain speaking. We're having a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and explode."
— Malcom Reyonolds, Serenity
[Going through bags in a closet] "Uncle Knick-Knack's winter wardrobe... Uncle Knick-Knack's summer wardrobe... Uncle Knick-Knack..."
— Morticia Addams, The Addams Family
"I am a dentist, and I enjoy the career that I picked. I am a dentist, and I get off on the pain I inflict."
— Orin, Little Shop of Horrors
"All right, we got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy, we got hot pussy, cold pussy, we got wet pussy, we got smelly pussy, we got hairy pussy, bloody pussy, we got snappin' pussy, we got silk pussy, velvet pussy, Naugahyde pussy, we even got horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy!"
—Chet Pussy, From Dusk Till Dawn
"You hated my cartoon, you made fun of my clothes, you disrespected Joshie... you broke my hand and you didn't even seem sorry!"
—Rowley Jefferson, Diary of a Wimpy Kid
People think you're a hero 24/7. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Ejaculate into the soap dispenser a hero.
—Deadpool doing a hero speech in Deadpool 2.
Literature
I've heard of post-California cuisine. In fact I've even eaten it. No baby vegetables? Scallops in burritos? Wasabi crackers? Am I on the right track? And by the way, did anyone ever tell you that you look exactly like Garfield but run over and skinned and then someone threw an ugly Ferragamo sweater over you before they rushed you to the vet? Fusilli? Olive oil on Brie?
— Patrick Bateman, American Psycho
In his front room, Clive had a framed print of the Battle of Waterloo, a collection of imported pornographic magazines, a CD player and a VHS recorder and video tapes of all Torvill and Dean's greatest performances. In his kitchen, he had a case of expensive wine, a robot-chef and a microwave oven. In his lavatory, he had copies of The Official Sloane Ranger Handbook, The Naff Sex Guide, and How To Be A Wally. In his work-room, he had a licensed handgun, five thousand pounds in small notes, and a fax machine. In his basement, he had a dead prostitute with her arm cut off.
The Teuman Empire in the jungle valleys of central Klatch is known for its organic market gardens, its exquisite craftsmanship in obsidian, feathers and jade, and its mass human sacrifices in honor of Quezovercoatl, the Feathered Boa, god of mass human sacrifices.
— Eric
"Let me tell you about him. He was a disciplined man. He didn't eat or drink immoderately. He was intelligent, quiet-spoken, modest, and, some say, charming. He liked Mozart and roses. He engineered the death of several million people."
— Father Elijah describing Adolf Eichmann in Father Elijah
''On the way back they sang a number of tuneful and reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life and the obliteration of all other life forms."
It was a lovely spring morning in the forest. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the river ran with blood.
— "Little Creature and the Redcap" by Ursula Vernon
"My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I dislike washing myself, and dogs, and noise. I like my sister Constance, and Richard Plantagenet, and Amanita phalloides, the death-cap mushroom. Everyone else in my family is dead."
Live-Action TV
Michael: I'm sorry, Chidi, all the great philosophers in history...ended up in the Bad Place.
Chidi: All of my heroes are...?
Michael: Being tortured, yes, I'm afraid so. Actually, it is kind of clever how they punish philosophers. Everyday, they make them go to school, naked. And then they take a test in a class they've never been to. [chuckles; realizes Chidi isn't laughing and quickly sobers] Then they smash them with hammers. And that part is not so clever.
Chidi: All of my heroes are...?
Michael: Being tortured, yes, I'm afraid so. Actually, it is kind of clever how they punish philosophers. Everyday, they make them go to school, naked. And then they take a test in a class they've never been to. [chuckles; realizes Chidi isn't laughing and quickly sobers] Then they smash them with hammers. And that part is not so clever.
— The Good Place, "Everything is Great!"
Lord Refa: You walked away from the greatest power I have ever seen, and now you expect me to do the same? They are the key to my eventual rise to the throne. Why should I abandon them?
Londo Mollari: Because I have asked you. Because your loyalty to your people should be greater than your ambition.
Lord Refa: Hah!
Mollari: And because I have poisoned your drink.
Londo Mollari: Because I have asked you. Because your loyalty to your people should be greater than your ambition.
Lord Refa: Hah!
Mollari: And because I have poisoned your drink.
Richard's father: First we toast the man of the hour, then we drink, we bring out the food, we drink, then the ceremonial eating of the first husband's brains, and charades.
Richard's brother: Wait, what was that?
Richard's other brother: Charades?
Richard: I think it would be fun.
Richard's brother: Wait, what was that?
Richard's other brother: Charades?
Richard: I think it would be fun.
— Angel, "The Bachelor Party"
"Julius Nicholson, right? Blue-sky thinker? Ex business guru? Dog rapist?"
— Malcolm, The Thick of It
"I listened to several operas known to be uplifting, I watched three holodeck programs designed to be humourous, and I made four attempts to induce sexual desire by subjecting myself to erotic imagery."
— Data, Star Trek: The Next Generation, "Descent"
"Whatever your skill, education or comfort level with moral ambiguity, the Commission has an exciting career path in store for you."
— Mr. Briefcase, The Umbrella Academy, "The Seven Stages"
"Baseball, root beer, darts, atom bombs."
— Quark, an alien listing aspects of Earth culture, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Little Green Men"
Music
I like it, I'm not gonna crack
I miss you, I'm not gonna crack
I love you, I'm not gonna crack
I killed you, I'm not gonna crack
I miss you, I'm not gonna crack
I love you, I'm not gonna crack
I killed you, I'm not gonna crack
— Nirvana, "Lithium"
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to my lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea.
I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra. I wish I've been a girlie, just like my dear papa!
I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra. I wish I've been a girlie, just like my dear papa!
— Monty Python, "The Lumberjack song"
It's found in fish, it's found in juice, and even in the urine of every tested moose.
— Songdrops, "The Dihydrogen Monoxide Song"
Hello, you've reached GoodFellas, Martin Scorsese's classic tale of Italian-American manhood starring Ray Liotta, Bob De Niro, and Joe Pesci. Unfortunately, we're all busting each others'- *SQUEAK* -at the moment.
— Robyn Hitchcock's answering machine, recorded as a hidden track of Jewels For Sophia
Do you like how I walk
Do you like how I talk
Do you like how my face disintegrates into chalk
Do you like how I talk
Do you like how my face disintegrates into chalk
— Tally Hall, "Ruler of Everything"
And when we meet, I'll be complete
I'll shake your hand and kiss your feet
Confess my love and buy you flowers
Eat your heart and absorb your powers
I'll shake your hand and kiss your feet
Confess my love and buy you flowers
Eat your heart and absorb your powers
— Lemon Demon, "Bill Watterson"
If there's one thing I hate—well, it's two things
(Better make it five million or ten):
It's the way folks in Washington do things,
And the dopes who elect them again.
Oh, that dumb one, can't someone defeat him,
Or will I have to do it myself?
Tell me, where's Mr. Booth when you need him?
That's a shrine to him there on my shelf!
(Better make it five million or ten):
It's the way folks in Washington do things,
And the dopes who elect them again.
Oh, that dumb one, can't someone defeat him,
Or will I have to do it myself?
Tell me, where's Mr. Booth when you need him?
That's a shrine to him there on my shelf!
— Al Duvall, "The Statue of Virtue"
Anyone for tennis? Backgammon? Hara-kiri?
— Jefferson Airplane, "Lather"
Tabletop Games
For 26 years, Victor Allen ran the Corner Stop, a soda-and-porn corner store in the city's downtown. A typical independent convenience store, the Corner Stop's magazine shelves were well stocked, the coffee was fresh-brewed and there was plenty of cheap candy. After 26 years, Victor decided he'd saved up enough money to realize his life's dream. He sold the store, bought an RV and traveled the country, kidnapping and murdering young girls for his sexual gratification.
Gorgons crave beautiful things: gems, exquisite amulets, the alabaster corpses of the petrified dead...
This smooth, creamy balm has a surprisingly sweet and delicate scent. In truth, Plaguesooth Balm is made from a variety of herbs, flowers, and the fat of those that have perished from Neiglish Rot. Any disgusting bits are removed to make it appear more medicinal.
— Tome of Corruption, Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay
Video Games
Oh Eggwife, you were the bread to my butter, the wife to my egg, the shit to my pizza with a bit of shit on it.
"How can I ever repay you? Cash? Credit? Contraband?"
— Nova Tsukuyomi, Azure Striker Gunvolt
"Tell me, Bats. What are you really scared of? Failing to save this cesspool of a city? Not finding the Commissioner in time? Me, in a thong?"
— The Joker, Batman: Arkham Asylum
"The hour is two, London time. Tea has been served. A passenger in first class is dead. Thank you."
— The Conductor, Fallen London, The Twelve-Fifteen from Moloch Street
"Likes to eat mushrooms, small insects, and people."
— Description of the Gromp, League of Legends
"Welcome to Hotcha Springs! Please explore our wonderful oasis! Take a walk on the beach or go for a dip in the hot springs! Be sure to avoid the maniacal giant turtle on the loose. Enjoy your stay!"
— Hotcha Springs Brochure, The Legendary Starfy
"To do list in no particular order:
1. Get dressed
2. Do my hair
3. Sew Theodore up
4. Celebrate Ellie's party
5. FIND ELLIE
6. KILL ELLIE"
1. Get dressed
2. Do my hair
3. Sew Theodore up
4. Celebrate Ellie's party
5. FIND ELLIE
6. KILL ELLIE"
—Elise Brooks, Party 2!
"One 18.25 lbs package chocolate cake mix, 1 can prepared coconut pecan frosting, 3/4 cup vegetable oil, 4 large eggs, 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, 3/4 cup butter or margarine, 1 2/3 cup granulated sugar, 2 cups all-purpose flour. Don't forget garnishes such as: fish-shaped crackers, fish-shaped candies, fish-shaped solid waste, fish-shaped dirt, fish-shaped ethyl benzene, pull-and-peel licorice, fish-shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment-shaped sediment, candy-coated peanut butter pieces shaped like fish. 1 cup lemon juice. Alpha resins. Unsaturated polyester resin. Fiberglass surface resins and volatile milk impoundments. 9 large egg yolks. 12 medium geosynthetic membranes. 1 cup granulated sugar. An entry called How To Kill Someone With Your Bare Hands. 2 cups rhubarb, sliced. 2/3 cups granulated rhubarb. 1 tbsp all-purpose rhubarb. 3 tbsp rhubarb, on fire. 1 large rhubarb. 1 cross-borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb. 2 tbsp rhubarb juice. Adjustable aluminum head positioner. Slaughter electric needle injector. Cordless electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. Injector needle gun. Cranial caps. And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue."
— GlaDOS' cake recipe, Portal
"It's all I hear every time we make a few cuts: my family, my mortgage, my eye, etc."
— Kirsten Geary, The Secret World
Side Effects Include... nausea, headaches, and death.
— Valentine, Skullgirls
"Please refrain from throwing any coins, trash, or small children into the reflecting pools."
— Dr. Eggman, Sonic Colors
Pearl: Man, there's something magical about a campground at night!
Marina: Fire glowing. Crickets chirping. Faces splatting.
Noel: What is this place?
Azelle: We're just a small 'shoppe' that sells crystals, books, and curses... nothing special.
Noel: Wait, what did you say?
Azelle: We sell books.
Noel: No, not that...Nevermind. I already lost interest.
Azelle: We're just a small 'shoppe' that sells crystals, books, and curses... nothing special.
Noel: Wait, what did you say?
Azelle: We sell books.
Noel: No, not that...Nevermind. I already lost interest.
"Voodoo figurines such as this were built and animated to assist troll witch doctors in minor, everyday tasks such as washing loincloths or scrubbing blood off the hut floor. They were often powered by flasks of mojo, troll sweat, the flesh of tribal enemies, or by DEVOURING TINY PORTIONS OF THEIR OWNERS' SOULS. But don't worry. Teeny, tiny little portions. You won't even notice they're gone. And think how clean your floors will be!"
— Description of the Voodoo Figurine archaeology find, World of Warcraft
Rules of the Art Gallery: No loud conversation. No photography. No food or drink. No touching the displays. No fountain pens. No leaving ever.
— Ib
Visual Novels
"What is it with today?! Problem after problem! Achtung! My hog won't start. My guitar case is busted, my guitar's been burnt to a crisp, and to top it all off, someone's dead!"
— Klavier Gavin, Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
"Most people don't die from being murdered. It's mostly sickness, or old age, or lawn mower accidents."
— Maddy, Necrobarista
"In a typical visual novel, little sisters are supposed to be Diabetically Cute and should be Gently Hugged, Protected, Loved, and Raped."
— Uncle Mugen, The Fucking Question
Web Animation
Note: the US dollar may be worth less than euros and pounds. In MLS, you may be forced to play defense and take commercial flights. Also, everyone has guns.
"See, the people love me. They're throwing flowers, confetti...AND HIGH-GRADE EXPLOSIVES?!"
— Alexander II right before getting assassinated, OverSimplified
Web Comics
"DING! 8th floor: Men's Outerwear, Sporting Goods, and Rifts in the Fabric of the Universe."
— Xykon, The Order of the Stick #447
John: what do they sell at the broj stop?
John: like... broj stuff?
Dave: yeah
Dave: pretty much the basics
Dave: snacks, hats, soft drinks
Dave: hand to hand combat weapons
John: like... broj stuff?
Dave: yeah
Dave: pretty much the basics
Dave: snacks, hats, soft drinks
Dave: hand to hand combat weapons
Web Original
All the chores around the house are mine to do. I can't weasel my way out of doing the dishes or the laundry, and the overgrown jungle of a backyard is silently mocking me for failing to keep it under control. There's no one else around who I can get to kill the spiders for me either.
As much as I like going on vacation, let's face it, places like the Willamette Valley are much better if you sleep the whole way through them, and it's really hard to do that if you're driving. (Although, it would be a lot easier to do if it weren't for that slight curve near Eugene...) Also, there was that one cave in California where I decided that it was dangerous to go alone, so I didn't go inside, even though it's supposed to have an amazing wall of ice in it.
If I get sick, I can't lay in bed all day while someone waits on me.
If someone has to call the mortgage company or make reservations or otherwise use that terrible contraption known as a telephone, it has to be me.
If I go into a store, there's no one else who can deflect the pushy salespeople.
And if I somehow get trapped in the crawlspace when trying to rig up that air conditioner I was talking about, there's no one who'll rescue me and I'll die down there and no one will ever find my body.
As much as I like going on vacation, let's face it, places like the Willamette Valley are much better if you sleep the whole way through them, and it's really hard to do that if you're driving. (Although, it would be a lot easier to do if it weren't for that slight curve near Eugene...) Also, there was that one cave in California where I decided that it was dangerous to go alone, so I didn't go inside, even though it's supposed to have an amazing wall of ice in it.
If I get sick, I can't lay in bed all day while someone waits on me.
If someone has to call the mortgage company or make reservations or otherwise use that terrible contraption known as a telephone, it has to be me.
If I go into a store, there's no one else who can deflect the pushy salespeople.
And if I somehow get trapped in the crawlspace when trying to rig up that air conditioner I was talking about, there's no one who'll rescue me and I'll die down there and no one will ever find my body.
A typical meal on board an East Indiaman would consist of some kind of salted meat (typically pork, sometimes beef or fish) but also biscuit or bread, very fresh weevils
— Reddit, Ask Historians answer to "How were people able to survive solely on food preserved with salt?"
"Oh, for heaven's sake. Even with two spouses who love each other very, very much, know full well that they're compatible, and use protection if they don't plan on conceiving, there are perfectly valid reasons to not want to have sex on any given night. For example, "It's not a good time in my daily routine", "We're in a public space right now", "We're running out of condoms", "I don't want to get sand in my butt", "I've had a long day and I'm exhausted", or "I just fell off the roof and shattered my pelvis".note
—Reddit again, in a comment on a post in r/religiousfruitcake about fundamentalists believing that husbands have the right to demand sex from their wives at any time and the wife can't refuse
in r/religiousfruitcake about fundamentalists believing that husbands have the right to demand sex from their wives at any time and the wife can't refuseSomething old, something new, something borrowed, something something restraining order
— Fark.com headline
headlineNewborns cry when they *[bullet list]* are hungry, are tired, are too cold or too hot, need their diaper changed, need to be comforted, have gas, are over-stimulated, are sick.
“Anyway, you are charged with deliberately poor writing, wanton cruelty to punctuation, violation of the laws of physics, violating the laws of chemistry, violating the laws of biology, being ridiculously over-powered, misusing Hammerspace, creating minis, abuse of the word ‘chopper,’ annoying PPC agents, and being an abomination against nature due to being a sandwich that walks like a man. The penalty for all this is death. Any questions?”
I loved my Kaseen when she soiled her diapers, I loved her when she spit up in my face, and I even loved her when she got hooked on those blasted drugs!
— Ojio Paramonimos, Looming Gaia, "Resistance is Futile"
Web Video
"Telekinesis, time travel, treasure hunting, bat tits…"
— The Angry Video Game Nerd, on the many things he finds weird about Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)
I took myself out of the fucking strip club. I did, my nigga! I built my followers up, and I builded [sic] my own fucking music career. Nobody's fucking helping me. So a bitch to motherfucking say that I don't deserve to be a fucking artist, because shit was handed to me and I haven't put in no work, you're fucking bugging! Because I'm twenty-four years old and I look washed up 'cause I spent hours in the motherfucking studio — hours! I paid over fifty thousand dollars in studio time! 'Cause I paid good engineers — you got to go to a good studio, and you got to put in that bread. I did it with my money! So for a bitch to say that I don't motherfucking deserve it 'cause I don't put in no fucking work, now that's when I feel like niggas is bugging! 'Cause I did it myself! Niggas must've forgot, my nigga, the shit that I did to motherfucking survive! Like, I had to go strip. I had to go, "Yeah, you wanna fuck me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go to this hotel." And I drugged niggas up and I robbed them!
— Cardi B in a livestream on Instagram
"They really just ran in, fucked up your lawn, yelled a bunch of swear words, broke out a convicted felon, then left."
— rnelodynote , Dream SMP, about KSI's second visit to the server
Katz: There's gonna be some changes around this house... we're gonna help people because we want to!
Various monsters: Horray!
Katz: I'm going to treat you all with more respect. You aren't just monsters, you are my family!
Various monsters: Horray!
Katz: I'm going to be sexually active with every single one of you, whether you like it or not!
Various monsters: HUH!?
Uno: Woah, buddy, going a tad overboard.
Katz: Sorry everyone, sorry, I'm still new to all of this.
Various monsters: Horray!
Katz: I'm going to treat you all with more respect. You aren't just monsters, you are my family!
Various monsters: Horray!
Katz: I'm going to be sexually active with every single one of you, whether you like it or not!
Various monsters: HUH!?
Uno: Woah, buddy, going a tad overboard.
Katz: Sorry everyone, sorry, I'm still new to all of this.
—Monster Lab (2021), Episode 6: Virgin Assassin
"I'm sure you noticed by now, Skullgirls is filled to the brim with fanservice. They shake, they bounce, they flash, and they mutate."
— Some Call Me Johnny "Johnny vs Skullgirls"
You are needed! Kurt Cobain needed you, Freddie Prinze needed you, Mao needed you, Stalin, Hitler...
"'Who writes the most letters? A fisherman; he always drops a line!' [feigned laughter] 'Cause, you know, dropping a line can also mean sending a letter and, uh... God, I wish the world was on fire."
Sad Panda: Are you allergic to shellfish?
Film Brain: No.
Sad Panda: Penicillin?
Film Brain: No.
Sad Panda: Peanuts?
Film Brain: No.
Sad Panda: Twelve thousand volts of electricity rushing through your motor cortex?
Film Brain: VERY!
Sad Panda: That's nice. (flips the switch)
Film Brain: No.
Sad Panda: Penicillin?
Film Brain: No.
Sad Panda: Peanuts?
Film Brain: No.
Sad Panda: Twelve thousand volts of electricity rushing through your motor cortex?
Film Brain: VERY!
Sad Panda: That's nice. (flips the switch)
Top 10 N Words. Number #10: Negative.
Number #9: Nevada.
Number #8: Nissan.
Number #7: Number.
Number #6: Nine.
Number #5: No.
Number #4: Nick.
Number #3: Nigeria.
Number #2: Noob.
Number #1: Nice.
Honorable mention: NIG–
Number #9: Nevada.
Number #8: Nissan.
Number #7: Number.
Number #6: Nine.
Number #5: No.
Number #4: Nick.
Number #3: Nigeria.
Number #2: Noob.
Number #1: Nice.
Honorable mention: NIG–
"Have you ever put something down and just forgotten where? Happens all the time. Hell, car keys, your phone, your glasses, your entire Olympic team... like ya do."
— Nash on the whole Cameroon Olympic team being unaccounted for, What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?, "Dumber Than Curling"
Western Animation
I had chocolate covered hot dogs. I had cherry pie pizza. I had the third worst diarrhea in my young life.
— Stan, American Dad!, "Stan's Food Restaurant"
(Hop Pop notices that his grandson Sprig is quite hairy and that Anne is covered in bird feathers and making bird noises against her will.)
Hop Pop: You two... have been cursed!
Anne: Cursed?! (squawks like a bird) That's a thing here?!
Hop Pop: This land of ours is home to many arts, Anne: sculpture, mosaics, and of course, (voice drops to a sinister whisper) the dark arts!
Hop Pop: You two... have been cursed!
Anne: Cursed?! (squawks like a bird) That's a thing here?!
Hop Pop: This land of ours is home to many arts, Anne: sculpture, mosaics, and of course, (voice drops to a sinister whisper) the dark arts!
"Great thing is, YOU decide what to put in your morning loaf! Eggs? Absolutely! Fruit? Awesome! Sardines? Why not?"
— C2, Carl², "Take Your Clone to Work Day"
Glasses Man: Oh, yeah! Free hot dog!
Fedora Man: Look at all these condiments!
Little Girl: (chasing a mutt with a bunch of hot dogs) I hurt animals because I'm SICK!
— Drawn Together, "Wooldoor Sockbat's Giggle-Wiggle Funny Tickle Non-Traditional Progressive Multicultural Roundtable!"
We don't like your cooking, your stupid karaoke nights, and we especially don't like the way you hump that chair in the den.
— Stewie talking to New Brian on Family Guy.
Cleveland: You should get a pirate name.
Joe: And a peg leg.
Cleveland: And a hook hand.
Quagmire: And you should have sex with that crossing guard, even though she looked young, and then I found out she was 12. [Beat] I mean, you should get an eyepatch.
[Beat]
Joe: Eyepatch'd be cool.
Joe: And a peg leg.
Cleveland: And a hook hand.
Quagmire: And you should have sex with that crossing guard, even though she looked young, and then I found out she was 12. [Beat] I mean, you should get an eyepatch.
[Beat]
Joe: Eyepatch'd be cool.
Peter: Let's see that little dykenote Susie Swanson beat him up now.
Brian: Wait a minute. How do you know she's gay?
Peter: Short haircut. Stubby legs. Doesn't respond to my advances.
— Family Guy, "Stew-Roids"
Brian: Hey, c'mon. You want some ice cream? That'd make you feel better, right?
Stewie shakes his head
Brian: You wanna get some McDonald's?
Stewie shakes his head
Brian: You wanna take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes?
Stewie nods
Brian: OK, let's go take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes.
Stewie shakes his head
Brian: You wanna get some McDonald's?
Stewie shakes his head
Brian: You wanna take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes?
Stewie nods
Brian: OK, let's go take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes.
— Family Guy, "Road to Europe"
"Popcorn! Soda! ...PICKLED GARLIC!"
— Patchy the Pirate, SpongeBob SquarePants, "The Sponge Who Could Fly"
Good night, Happy Bear. Good night, Sad Bunny. Good night, Playful Kitty. Good night, ominous triangle at the foot of my bed.
— Steven, Steven Universe, "Catch and Release"
