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Quotes: Asspull
We were invited to the island
All our friends were to be there
A party for the ages
Everyone without a care
But storm clouds came from nowhere...
Parry Gripp, "Me and You and Pikachu"

"Here the story should really end, for, in real life, the forlorn old man would have little to look forward to but death. The author took pity on him and has provided a quite improbable epilogue."
— Only text displayed in the silent film The Last Laugh (Der letzte Mann).

"Akiha...? What do you mean by Nee-san?"
"I mean Nee-san. Now that I think about it, I had a twin older sister...!"
"You had an older sister... that's a bit of a sudden statement."
Even though this is a parody, this is too much. It's no fun if you don't lay down any groundwork or foreshadowing.
"I don't care about that...!"
Kagetsu Tohya, ("Imogirisou")

"A hawk summon, where did he get that?"
Tobi/Obito (pretending to be Madara), Naruto

"Think about it! What you've done is utterly ridiculous! And that's saying something in a world where people can make water dragons using sign language!"
Deidara in this Naruto fan comic strip, about the infamous "Great Snake Escape".

Fake Kidnapper: Come on, get in the trunk!
George: What about my ankle monitor?
Fake Kidnapper: We have an ankle monitor deactivator!
George: Oh, good. See, I've been meaning to get one of those...

"'Support character was evil all along' does NOT constitute 'character development.' What that is is 'arse pull.'"

"It's not so much timey-whimey as it is bullshit-woolshit."

"It's like wire work for plot. Bad wire work."
Neal Bailey on Smallville ("Vengeance")

David: I guess this mirrors the thing with Jimmy Olsen — are you aware of this? That Jimmy used to be on the show, and they killed him off?
Chris: I’d heard that.
David: And then they cut to his little cousin Jimmy Olsen a few states away?
Chris: Okay, that part I was not aware of.
David: Yeah. That Happened.
Smallvillains on Smallville ("Shield")

"The episode doesn’t even entirely understand where its reveals are, dropping the discovery that Charlotte works for the Families in a completely swallowed plot beat. The contact lenses acquire magical new powers out of nowhere. And the plot holes are worse and bigger than usual. (I particularly like that Jack is brought to the Colasanto estate so that Angelo can tell him how the Miracle started despite the fact that a) Angelo doesn’t know and b) Angelo is dying and apparently can’t speak.) "
Phil Sandifer on Torchwood: Miracle Day ("End of the Road"}

Matt: “Mortal Kombat cannot be won by treachery.” They’re just making this s**t up!
Chris: I almost feel bad for Shang Tsung at this point. You know they were like “Okay, if you win this tournament you can invade Earth” and then he did and they were like “oh sorry, we meant if you win it… ten times?”
Matt: He’s a victim of bureaucracy, man....It’s like when a four-year-old tells you a joke. They get to a place where they remember something they were supposed to say earlier, then add it in too late.
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Mortal Kombat

"We finally learn the secret of the immortals. Turns out they're all aliens from planet called Zeist, exiled to live on Earth for all eternity. I'm not making this up. Zeist. All of the immortals are shown in a group together, exiled for some kind of revolution. To this day, I enjoy how richly Zeistian the names 'MacLeod' and 'Ramirez' are... This entire setup convinces me that the screenwriters never actually saw the first movie, because in that movie, Connor knows no other immortals, and cannot recognize Ramirez or the Kurgan when he sees them. And he also seems to require training that he shouldn't need, because the "rules" for their exile were spelled out in exacting detail on Zeist. Maybe Connor was drifting off when the Zeist aliens were explaining, 'Oh by the way, the only way you can die is by getting your head chopped off. Remember that.' It gets funnier the more you think about it, since Connor also believed himself to be a normal human being until slain by the Kurgan. The argument holds less water than my sister on a road trip."
Noah Antwiler on Highlander II: The Quickening

"So, lemme see if I understand this: Prometheus said he didn't know who the Shade was, but apparently the device he had planted was specifically designed to counteract his powers. What a convenient device! Oh, and the super-duper-maxi-extreme-ultra devices can counteract the magic of the REAL Captain Marvel too. Look, there's smart villains, clever planning, and then there's just pulling crap outta your ass!"

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