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"A lawyer doesn't always want to know what really happened. It's a tightrope walk. Whether or not the lawyer believes in his client's innocence is not the issue. It's his duty to defend his client - no more and no less."
— Ferdinand von Schirach, Crime
"A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself."
— Henry Brougham
"I would be loath to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it, but I am afraid he is an attorney."
"It's okay. I'm used to the callous attitude mortals have towards vampires. I'm used to wandering the earth - reviled, hunted, hated. That's why I became a lawyer."
— Alan Decker, She-Wolf of London
"Frankly I think if the Devil himself were to walk this earth, he'd need representation."
— Jilly Kitzinger, Torchwood: Miracle Day
Look for the blood in the water,
read your Thomas Hobbes,
only spineless snobs
will quarrel with the morally dubious jobs.
Yes, blood in the water;
your scruples are a flaw.
You're nothing until
the thrill of the kill
becomes your only law!
— Prof. Callahan, Legally Blonde: The Musical
"Going gets tough, you don't want a criminal lawyer. You want a criminal lawyer, know what I mean?"
— Jesse on Saul Goodman, Breaking Bad.
"What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in fifty million have a chance to become a human being."
"What were you thinking?! People could have died! Before billable services were rendered!"
— Harvey, Harvey Birdman Attorney At Law
Holtz: You said you work for the law.
Lilah Morgan: No, I didn't. I said I'm a lawyer. I don't care about the law.
— Angel, "Lullaby"
"There's a reason that Shakespeare, and many after him, said 'First, kill all the lawyers.' They're talking about people like me, Jerry, not you."
— Alan Shore, Boston Legal
[Homer crashes into the police station]
Chief Wiggum: All you destroyed were bricks, mortar, and attorneys!.—
Attorney: Remember me... as a drain on society! .
— The Simpsons—