Look for the blood in the water,
read your Thomas Hobbes,
only spineless snobs
will quarrel with the morally dubious jobs.
Yes, blood in the water;
your scruples are a flaw.
You're nothing until
the thrill of the kill
becomes your only law!
— Prof. Callahan, Legally Blonde: The Musical
"A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns."
— Vito Corleone, The Godfather
"Why should I listen to anything you say? I despise you. You, and everything you represent — and when I say 'represent' and 'thing', I do mean your clients."
—Kate Lockely, Angel ("Sanctuary")
"Why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else...noticed?"
—Commercial for attorney Bob Loblaw, Arrested Development
"It's okay. I'm used to the callous attitude mortals have towards vampires. I'm used to wandering the earth - reviled, hunted, hated. That's why I became a lawyer."
— Alan Decker, She-Wolf of London
"Frankly I think if the Devil himself were to walk this earth, he'd need representation."
— Jilly Kitzinger, Torchwood: Miracle Day
"Going gets tough, you don't want a criminal lawyer. You want a criminal lawyer, know what I mean?"
— Jesse on Saul Goodman, Breaking Bad.
"What were you thinking?! People could have died! Before billable services were rendered!"
— Harvey, Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Holtz: You said you work for the law.
Lilah Morgan: No, I didn't. I said I'm a lawyer. I don't care about the law.
— Angel, "Lullaby"
"There's a reason that Shakespeare, and many after him, said 'First, kill all the lawyers.' They're talking about people like me, Jerry, not you."
— Alan Shore, Boston Legal
Quinn Calle: There’s been more [charges] in the last week, I take it?
Skitter: More assault and battery. Whatever charges come up with the thing at the school. I sort of arranged to have a psychopath kill herself. Um. However you’d charge putting maggots in someone’s eyeballs. In self-defense.
Quinn Calle: I see. And any other charges that might catch us by surprise?
Skitter: Premeditated murder. Of a law enforcement officer. Miss Militia knows, but she’s kept quiet on it.
Quinn Calle: I see.
Skitter: It was Coil. Director Thomas Calvert was Coil.
Quinn Calle: Alright, then. Believe it or not, I’ve handled worse.
—Skitter discusses her options with her lawyer, Worm
"A lawyer doesn't always want to know what really happened. It's a tightrope walk. Whether or not the lawyer believes in his client's innocence is not the issue. It's his duty to defend his client - no more and no less."
— Ferdinand von Schirach, Crime
"A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself."
— Henry Brougham
"I would be loath to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it, but I am afraid he is an attorney."
"Almost all of my clients have been guilty. A few, of course, have been innocent. There has been almost no correlation between the guilt or innocence of my clients and whether they served time or got off... I regard the representation of a guilty and despicable defendant, with little prospect of winning, as a challenge—and, indeed, one of the highest obligations of my profession... Once I decide to take a case, I have only one agenda: I want to win. I will try, by every fair means, to get my client off—without regard to the consequences."
— Alan Dershowitz, The Best Defense (Introduction)
"A lawyer so badass he has actual pseudo-villain nicknames of his own, such as 'The Brilliant Bastard' and, no kidding, 'Devil's Advocate.' His clients have included Klaus Barbie, Carlos the Jackal, the Serbian dictator Slobodan Milosevic and the dude who used to lead the Khmer Rouge... recently, he was pretty much the only man in existence who wanted anything to do with defending Saddam, and went down on record by saying he'd totally have defended Hitler if given the chance.
Verges is an extremely moral-free man, even by notoriously flexible lawyer standards, who not only carved a career out of defending the dregs of humanity, but downright revels in it. He happily starred in movies about his villainous career and gave interviews where he discussed his courtroom-destroying special lawyer move called the Rupture Strategy. That 'Brilliant Bastard' nickname we mentioned? That's the title he gave to his autobiography. He even refers to his courtroom opponents as 'mindless fools' who stupidly oppose him."