Lana: Stuporman...!! What do you think you're doing?
Superman: Hey, I saved your goofy kid's life, remember?!? So what say we do some "huffing" and "puffing" in earnest... huh...??!
Lana: I thought you were different from the other horny guys in this town!
Superman: I am! I'm SUPER horny!
Superman: Hey, I saved your goofy kid's life, remember?!? So what say we do some "huffing" and "puffing" in earnest... huh...??!
Lana: I thought you were different from the other horny guys in this town!
Superman: I am! I'm SUPER horny!
—MAD's parody of Superman III
Friend 2: Well, what's the hurry?
Friend 1: There's a girl I want to meet there! What the fuck's your problem!?
Friend 1: There's a girl I want to meet there! What the fuck's your problem!?
<+Radial> i think my mother knows i watch porn
<+Radial> i can't tell...
<Tsukari> Are you a male?
<+Radial> i am
<Tsukari> She knows.
<+Radial> i can't tell...
<Tsukari> Are you a male?
<+Radial> i am
<Tsukari> She knows.
—Bash.org #606023
Six months of all encompassing fantasies involving life-size cutouts of a Swedish bikini team and a turkey baster? How bad could that be?
The condition is experienced by a very small portion of the population, and of those the vast majority are male. We'd like to pretend to be shocked by that fact, but really who are we kidding?
—Cracked on paraphilia, one of 5 Bizarre Sexual Conditions That Can Ruin Your Life
Women say they have sexual thoughts too. They have no idea. If they knew what we were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping us.
—Larry Miller
"Its funny how a man only thinks about the *BEEP*. You got a real big heart but I'm looking at ya *BEEP*. You got real big brains but I'm looking at ya *BEEP*. Girl it ain't no pain me looking at ya *BEEP*."
—Pussycat Dolls ft. will.i.am, "Beep"
If a man could fuck a woman in a cardboard box, he wouldn't buy a house.
"Not matter what, all men are wolves."
—Danbei Makiba, UFO Robo Grendizer
It's true. Guys don't need a relationship as long as they're having sex.
And women don't need sex... as long as they're having chocolate!
And women don't need sex... as long as they're having chocolate!
—Comedian Glen Foster
Girl: I could never go out with a guy who looks at porn.
Slick: Have fun being a lesbian.
Slick: Have fun being a lesbian.
— Sinfest
Talbot: You don't understand. Every night when the moon is full, I turn into a wolf!
Wilbur: You and twenty million other guys!
Wilbur: You and twenty million other guys!
"Oh come on. [Jack and Chuck] are two guys somewhere between 27 and 50 who are in Vegas. How could we NOT go to a Strip Bar at least once?"
— Chuck, We Are Our Avatars
Max: How am I doing?
Tavi: Stop looking down Lady Erusmus's bodice.
Max: I did not!
Tavi: Yes you did. Stop it.
Max: Tavi, I'm a young man. Some things just aren't in my control.
—Codex Alera Book Two, Academ's Fury
"You men! You filthy, dirty pigs! You're all the same, all of you. Pigs! Pigs!"
Dr. Macphail gasped. He understood.
Dr. Macphail gasped. He understood.
— "Rain" by W. Somerset Maugham, final lines
" by W. Somerset Maugham, final lines"A man is basically as faithful as his options."
—Chris Rock, Bigger and Blacker
Garrus: So, Liara - is this the T'Soni-Shepard love nest? Hope we aren't interrupting anything you two might've been...planning.
Liara: Whatever the species, males never change, do they?
Samara: Perhaps it's a good thing we asari don't have any.
Traynor: Ha! Not my problem.
Yoshihisa Manabe: (overly reacting) "Not being able to think dirty thoughts is torture for a guy!"
Haruka Kotoura: "You're... not scared?"
Yoshihisa Manabe: "Sure I'm scared! You're going to treat me like a total pervert!"
—Kotoura-san episode 1, after Manabe confirmed Haruka is a Telepath.
Nine: "Listen, Celica. I'm going to explain this to you one more time. Any man who acts nicely around a cute and innocent little girl like you probably has one thing on their mind. And this pathetic excuse for a man is no exception. It would be best for society if I just took him out of the gene pool right here."
Bloodedge: "You can't just say whatever the hell you want about me! Keep that up and I'll make you pay for it!"
Nine: "A punk like you would have problems with the truth!"
—Nine and Bloodedge's first meeting, Blazblue
Kate Beckett: Ahem. What's the deal with men and boobs, anyway?
Rick Castle: Biological. We can't help it.
Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle: Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.
Rick Castle: Biological. We can't help it.
Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle: Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.
— "A Death in the Family", Castle
Maven: Haelga, I like you, so I'm only going to say this one time. If you ever try and "practice the Dibellan arts" with Hemming again, I'll make sure that pretty little face loses its beauty.
Haelga: He wasn't protesting, Maven.
Maven: Of course he wasn't, you stupid whore; he's a man.
Haelga: He wasn't protesting, Maven.
Maven: Of course he wasn't, you stupid whore; he's a man.
Women are pretty equal with guys, but need to have love and tenderness to go with it. Of course we want sex sometimes, you know just one night stands and flings can be just as good for us as they can be for guys, some of the time. I think we go a little deeper than guys can.
—Cindy Margolis
Londo Mollari: Gentlemen, of all things in life, are females not the finest?
G'Kar: On that, Mollari, we can at least agree.
G'Kar: On that, Mollari, we can at least agree.
"Women, you get to have sexual thoughts. I have to have them."
— Louis C.K., Live at the Beacon Theater
What more does a young man want than the knowledge that women desire him and that he is able to obtain the object of his desire?
— Essay The White Feather Campaign's reasoning as to why WW1 was fought
's reasoning as to why WW1 was foughtLolis! Moe! Pretty Girls!! What men covet, what men dream about!! It's like an unreachable Garden of Eden!! Even then, you'd still reach for it, wouldn't you?! That's because our passionate soul screams for moe!
—Keiichi Maebara, Higurashi: When They Cry
Okay okay alright alright, hang, hang on guys. I mean, come on, this is getting a little ridiculous. Wizard aliens? We all know what's going on here, don't we? Whenever a story breaks about some rich famous guy going around and having sex with tons of girls, we all wanna act like we don't understand it, but we do. We're guys, you know? Our brains are wired to strive to be the alpha male and get all the women we can. I mean, look where we are. Even, even Benjamin Franklin screwed everything that moved. Because he could. We don't have to condone what these rich, famous people do, but... we can at least admit that, given the same temptations and opportunities that somebody like Tiger Woods has, a lot of us guys might do somethin' similar.
—SWAT Officer, South Park, Sexual Healing
Some guys that took me there asked me if I wanted to go to a topless club, and I didn't wanna go... I just ended up going, 'cause — you guys can back me up on this — you've seen one woman nekkid... you wanna see the rest of 'em nekkid. It could be an old biker chick, y'know, they're gonna hang down to here. [gestures around his stomach] "You wanna see mah titties?" Yeah, I do. [beat] All right, that's enough. Roll 'em back up, sweetheart.
Ohhhhhhhhhh, I wish I'd been born a racehorse
Because, I'll tell ya, that sounds like a pretty good go
With a trainer and a 90-pound jockey
Who would ride me for a minute or so
Well, I'd win the daily double
The trifecta and the exacter
'Cause I know what a stud farm is
And motivation would be a significant factor!
Because, I'll tell ya, that sounds like a pretty good go
With a trainer and a 90-pound jockey
Who would ride me for a minute or so
Well, I'd win the daily double
The trifecta and the exacter
'Cause I know what a stud farm is
And motivation would be a significant factor!
— One of Red Green's campfire songs, The Red Green Show
Hippolyta: Here the true nature of men is laid bare. What other depraved thoughts must you be thinking?
Steve Trevor: *under control of the Lasso of Truth* God, your daughter's got a nice rack.
Steve Trevor: *under control of the Lasso of Truth* God, your daughter's got a nice rack.
Samson: The oldest trick in the world. Silk trap, baited with a woman.
Delilah: You know a better bait, Samson? Men always respond.
Delilah: You know a better bait, Samson? Men always respond.
"There isn't a man in the world who would not share his secrets with some woman."
— Delilah, Samson and Delilah
"These miniature cameras are an outrage! Spying on our women's dressing rooms, bathrooms, and locker rooms is unforgivable! I think I speak for all Springfielders when I say: 'Where is the sexy footage?!'"
— Mayor Quimby, The Simpsons Hit & Run
"I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house."
Toast: So. Increased heart rate means increase blood flow, right?
(the others voice their agreements)
Toast: How do you get a man's blood flowing? (immediately looks up a porn site)
(the others voice their agreements)
Toast: How do you get a man's blood flowing? (immediately looks up a porn site)
"He's a bloke, Trace. He prob'bly thinks 'flash' is a verb."
— Sharon Theodopolopodous, Birds of a Feather, "Can't Judge a Book"
Why did love—and sex— complicate life so much? It would be far simpler for us not to have to worry about them. Sex played no part in her life now and she found that a great relief. She did not have to worry how she looked; what people thought of her. How terrible to be a man, and to have sex on one's mind all the time, as men are supposed to do. She had read in one of her magazines that the average man thought about sex over sixty times a day! She could not believe that figure, but studies had apparently revealed it. The average man, going about his daily business, had all those thoughts in his mind; thoughts of pushing and shoving, as men do, while he was actually doing something else! Did doctors think about it as they took your pulse? Did lawyers think about it as they sat at their desks and plotted? Did pilots think about it as they flew their aeroplanes? It simply beggared belief.
—Mma Ramotswe's thoughts on men, The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency
So much of the stereotypical male identity is wrapped up in sexual prowess that it's difficult to step back and admit that you don't don't really fit in that world. If you're a man, you're supposed to be constantly horny, always in the mood and always on the prowl. There's simply no option for a man to feel otherwise.
It's as if semen is a highly volatile substance and if you fail to get it out of your body before it reaches a critical mass, you will literally explode (And preferably with the assistance of someone else, too. If it doesn't end up in or on someone else, where it will be neutralised by their body heat, then it can apparently remain dangerous, which is why masturbation is reviewed as an outlet of last resort.)
It's as if semen is a highly volatile substance and if you fail to get it out of your body before it reaches a critical mass, you will literally explode (And preferably with the assistance of someone else, too. If it doesn't end up in or on someone else, where it will be neutralised by their body heat, then it can apparently remain dangerous, which is why masturbation is reviewed as an outlet of last resort.)
Zhaan: (dressed as a Dominatrix) Admit it. You've had sexual thoughts about all of us, haven't you?
John Crichton: Not me...
Chiana: (dressed as a Sexy Schoolwoman) Well come on! You're a male!
Zhaan: It's just-the way-you-are-wired.
Aeryn: (dressed in a Naughty Nurse Outfit, she casually inserts a long sharp metal object through a dilator) Nothing to be ashamed of. Not when females are willing.
Zhaan: Say, what's your pleasure, boss?
Aeryn: I'm a doctor. Just relax.
Zhaan: I can wear a Freudian slip.
Aeryn: I'll find new places to take your temperature.
Chiana: I can teach you...the left-handed Latvian Rodeo Torture!
— Farscape, "Won't Get Fooled Again"
"There's this... horrible media perception that all men are basically Quagmire, and all women are totally asexual. That's obviously not true at all, but that's the perception that all movies, commercials, sitcoms seem to throw out there. Not only is it not true, but personally I find that it's the most destructive stereotype placed on men."
"You've heard it before; 'the one thing that any man wants is sex. He'll do anything for it. Men think about sex every seven seconds! If he doesn't want sex at any given time, he's either gay, there's something wrong with him, or he's cheating on you!' And a whole lot of other bullshit. And it really, really is bullshit."
—The Mysterious Mr. Enter, Further Thoughts on Peter-Assment
