Schlubby, Scummy Security Guard

Brandi: Ronnie, I could never date you seriously. I mean, you're a security guard.
Ronnie: I'm the head of Mall Security.
Brandi: Exactly.

— Observe and Report

The Bad Guys Are Cops. But what about the guys who couldn't "make it" as cops? So goes the logic of being a security guard, which is usually portrayed as more menial, lower-skilled, and depressing than being a cop, but made for people who are equally power-hungry and violent, but less trusted. Expect them to be dismissed as "Rent-A-Cops" or "mall cops." If this is literal (which it often will be), they will be part of Law Enforcement, Inc..

As a result, security guards themselves often have a bad reputation in fiction, portrayed as aggressive and dumb, but with delusions of grandeur. They will often be The Peeping Tom as well, as security guards are portrayed as having control of mall surveillance. Although Police Are Useless, security guards are arguably even more useless (in fiction, anyway), and they'll often be a subcategory of the Fat Bastard. This trope is almost Always Male because Men Use Violence, Women Use Communication and All Abusers Are Male. They may cross over with being a Rabid Cop and Cowboy Cop if (a form of) Police Brutality is used.

A Sister Trope to both Overreacting Airport Security, which will usually portray a form of "competent" security as exaggerating and with delusions of grandeur, but is not inherently malicious, and Wardens Are Evil and Orderlies are Creeps, where other forms of security are portrayed as bad. They may be the participants in The Guards Must Be Crazy, but that trope is not required here.

If they're bad at their jobs too, they'll probably be a Surveillance Station Slacker, operating an Insecurity Camera or a Useless Security Camera.

No real-life examples, please!

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Examples:

Films — Live-Action

• Armed and Dangerous (1986) is a comedy about security guards. Of the two main characters, Dooley (John Candy) is a good cop who was kicked off the force after being framed by his fellow officers, and Kane (Eugene Levy) is a seemingly-terrible lawyer whose legal knowledge still makes him far smarter than anyone expects. Most of the rest of their peers are basically completely incompetent losers or outright criminals.
• Beverly Hills Cop III: Ellis DeWald is a more upmarket version, being the head of security for Wonder World Theme Park. Whilst posing as a respectable honest man, in truth Ellis is a ruthless and greedy crook who's using the position as a front for his counterfeit money operation. His security guards are likewise little more than his paid thugs, with him using them to carry out his criminal activities and murdering anyone who learns the truth, including his own boss, "Uncle" Dave Thornton.
• Dawn of the Dead (2004): C.J. starts off the movie as a tyrannical bully of mall security, though he later undergoes a Heel–Face Turn and commits a Heroic Sacrifice to save the others, while his co-worker Bart is portrayed as an immature dumbass. Averted with the third rookie guard, Terry, who's never shown as anything but a Nice Guy and forms a relationship with Nicole, another young survivor.
• Devil: The most Obviously Evil of the group is replacement guard Ben Larson, who has a history of violence that includes beating someone into a coma. For this reason, the detectives suspect that he may have been hired to kill Sarah.
• Dutch has two switching station guards who roughly eject the protagonists and then start beating Dutch when he objects to their shoving Doyle, who's a kid. Doyle busts out some of his martial arts training to turn the tables and then grabs his pellet gun that Dutch confiscated earlier to bluff them into surrendering and backing off.
• Fear Of A Black Hat has a parody of a certain N.W.A song called Fuck tha Security Guards about this trope.
• Fear X: Harry seems nice enough, but he's an obsessive, deeply depressed security guard who gets fired (or suspended, it isn't clear) after attacking someone at work. Justified, since he's also mourning his wife's murder.
• Observe and Report:
  • Ronnie is a bipolar and delusional security guard who has sex with Brandi while she's blackout drunk, has violent fantasies, and wants to be a cop.
  • Dennis, Ronnie's colleague, is a Big Bad Friend who persuades Ronnie to take drugs and assault skateboarders, revealing that he's also the person who's been stealing from the mall.
• P2: Thomas is a psychotic security guard who is obsessed with Angela. After she "rejects" him on Christmas Eve, he holds her captive and clearly plans to rape and likely kill her. He also kills a guy who groped her at the Christmas party.
• Paul Blart: Mall Cop:
  • Blart is a genuinely kind person but he fails his exam to be a police officer due to his need to consume sugar at the beginning of the film and is almost constantly mocked and disrespected by everyone around him.
  • Veck is a parody of a Dirty Cop: one of Blart's mall cop trainees who took the role in order to feed information to the criminal gang and Commander Kent.
• Pulp Fiction: Zed is a tall, slender and soft-spoken security guard. He's likewise, along with his brother, shopkeeper Maynard, a depraved, racist sadist who's implied to regularly kidnap men to torture and rape, as they do to Butch and Marsellus Wallace. Along with Maynard, he stands out as the only antagonist in the film to possess no redeeming qualities or sympathetic traits.
• The Shawshank Redemption: Captain Byron T. Hadley is the corrupt and vicious chief guard at Shawshank Prison. When inmate Bogs Diamond assaults Andy Dufresne—who is laundering money for Hadley and his boss, Warden Samuel Norton—Hadley retaliates by brutally assaulting Bogs, rendering him a paraplegic.
• Downplayed by security guard in Terminator 2: Judgment Day at the mental hospital where Sarah is confined. Pleasant enough guy from what we see, but he's overweight, doesn't seem to be too focused on his job, and is easily dispatched by the T-1000 as he stands gaping helplessly at the machine assuming his form.
• The Three Brothers: Didier is a security guard in a supermarket and uses the security cameras to spy on the undressed women in the fitting rooms.

Literature

• Big Trouble: Jack Pendick is an alcoholic security guard repeatedly rejected by the police due to being, well, stupid, and nearly kills two teenagers by shooting at them thinking they were criminals.
• Five Nights at Freddy's: The Silver Eyes: Mall security guard Dave Miller is a shifty, gaunt, badly scarred man, who despite seemingly laid back always gives the impression of being not quite right. Because he is secretly William Afton, who abducted and murdered six children whilst manager of Fazbear Entertainment, and is responsible for kidnapping Carton and setting the animatronics on the teenagers.
• Little Children: In both the book and the film, Larry is a security guard who was thrown out of the police for shooting an unarmed black teenager with a toy gun. He struggles with PTSD and rage following the killing and fixates on Ronnie (a recently released sex offender) to take his anger and feelings of impotence out on someone else.
• Sick Puppy by Carl Hiaasen: Tracking down an old friend, Florida Highway Patrol trooper Jim Tile stops at Key Largo's exclusive Ocean Reef club, and is forced to interview a "slug-like security guard... who had apparently failed the knuckle-dragging literacy quiz required to join regular police departments."
• Janet Evanovich's Twelve Sharp, the twelfth volume of her Stephanie Plum series: Bounty hunter and security company owner "Ranger"'s Stalker with a Crush, Edward Scrod, previously worked as a security guard at a shopping mall in Philadelphia, claiming it was just temporary work until his applications to various police academies came through. He was fired for patting down one too many female customers (the last of whom was an off-duty FBI agent), but the creepy thing is that he seemed less interested in patting down women than he got off on pretending to be a cop.
• Worm: The Brockton Bay Boardwalk enforcers have a reputation for beating and raping people for being poor. When Coil press-gangs Lisa into his service, he has some of his mercenaries disguise themselves as enforcers so they can catch Lisa attempting to pickpocket another mercenary posing as a rich customer, thus giving them an excuse for dragging her away.

Live-Action TV

• The Amanda Show: Played for Laughs with Barney, the Fat Idiot security guard for the set. He's usually shown trying to keep Penelope Taynt away from Amanda, only to be easily tricked or lured away with pizza or meatloaf. Barney does enjoy the power the job gives him, but given his general incompetence, no one takes him seriously.
• Atlanta: The fresh out of prison (and very chaotic) Tracy works "security" for Al in "North of the Border", which consists of fighting everyone. When Violet calls him out for being a "broke-ass security guard", Tracy pushes her down the stairs, getting everyone involved in a huge brawl with Violet's cousins. He also fights with Earn and ultimately gets left behind when the gang goes to Europe.
• Cold Case:
  • In "Honor", one of the suspects pretended to be a P.O.W. during the Vietnam War. In the present day, he worked as a security guard.
  • Downplayed in "Rampage". Lewis is portrayed as so pathetic that it's easy for the shooters to convince him to show them the CCTV, which spurs them on in their massacre. He also admits to Tina that he's completely alone. Though he's permanently injured and traumatized, the shooting allows him to branch out and fall in love.
• Criminal Minds: In "Doubt", Nathan Tubbs, the campus killer, is a security guard with a failed attempt to join the police, a history of domestic violence, and multiple victims.
• CSI: NY: Downplayed and Played for Laughs during "Crushed." Flack and Danny question an on-duty store security guard about a home robbery. The guy takes off running but is so overweight, the two detectives linger to do rock-paper-scissors to see who has to chase him while the other gets to drive the car. When they easily catch up to the now-stopped and wheezing guard and question him, he admits to the theft... and to hiding the loot in his work locker.
• Endeavour: Mr Jellico, the store detective at Burridge Department store, from "Sway" initially appears simply smug and humourless but is secretly running a racket where he picks random middle-aged women and accuses them of shoplifting. He then plants the evidence on them and threatens to call the police, terrifying them into agreeing to pay him off. His plans go awry when he picks Win Thursday as his latest victim, leading to her calling his bluff and Morse arriving at the store, who quickly uncovers his scam.
• Invoked in the Frasier episode "The Return of Martin Crane", when former police officer Martin Crane takes a new job as a security guard.
  Martin: [B]ack when I was a cop, we always used to make fun of security guards. I guess now I'll have to start making fun of the crossing guards.
  Roz : Who do crossing guards make fun of?
  Martin: I don't know. Kids, I guess.
• FBI: Most Wanted: The antagonists of "Run-Hide-Fight" turn out to be four former security guards who were fired by the mall for stealing. In retaliation they decide to commit a mass casualty event with three members going on a shooting spree throughout the mall with body armour and automatic weapons, whilst the mastermind directs from safety having set up multiple bombs to block the exits. Agent Ortiz is beyond disgusted when he discovers how petty their motivation is.
• The Good Wife: The very first episode has a security guard claiming he didn't see anything happen the night of the murder with video evidence to back him up, disproving the defendant's story. Alicia finds out that the guard never walked the grounds like he was supposed to and simply copied a security tape of him doing so every night, including the night of the murder. He perjured himself and destroyed the defendant's credibility to avoid losing his job.
• Law & Order: Special Victims Unit:
  • Jason in "Pique". While he may be a Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds due to his extremely abusive mother, he's also an extremely violent serial rapist who tortured and killed the pregnant Veronica after stalking her around the mall. He also failed the psych exam to become a cop.
  • Frank in "Traumatic Wound" appears to be this when rape victim Gaby remembers him jumping on top of her while acting as a security guard at a concert, and how cold and blank his eyes were. It turns out that he's actually a Shell-Shocked Veteran who was attempting to protect Gaby from being sexually assaulted.
  • George Turner in "Chicago Crossover" is a slightly more upmarket version. He was the head of security who, needing money for his kid's college fund, started to procure victims for wealthy child rapist Bob Clinton.
• Malcolm in the Middle: Implied. When Lois goes into labor, Hal is detained by security guards. The actual detention happens off-screen. After being released we get this exchange:
  Reese: Just our luck we get a rent-a-cop trying to make sergeant.
  Dewey: I think he only made you pee in that cup because he could.
• Murdoch Mysteries: Ralph Fellows, Murdoch's second Archenemy, is introduced as simply the Hotel detective for the Crown Winsor's Hotel, thus despite his pomposity is little more than a glorified security guard. Whilst he initially appears a smug but otherwise harmless crank who fits the mold of the overzealous and delusions of importance guard to a tee, he proves to actually be a genius able to rival Murdoch and far more dangerous than he appears.
• Orange Is the New Black: CO Thomas "Humps" Humphrey is a vicious prison guard who forces two inmates into a fight, leading to one of their deaths.

Professional Wrestling

• We usually see a variation of this. Security guards in wrestling aren't portrayed as being sleazy and power-hungry. And in fact, they're given very little to almost no personality, because they're typically just disposable background characters. However, their Police Are Useless qualities are heavily played up. In heated feuds, between two wrestlers, whether the two are signing a contract or getting really personal in a promo, most security guards getting sent out to break up the two wrestlers from fighting will typically get knocked down like bowling pins and fail badly at being able to break up a heated confrontation despite their numbers and trying to hold the wrestlers back.

Video Games

• Batman: Arkham Asylum: Frank Boles is a security guard employed at Arkham Asylum. His character biography mentions that he's twice been suspended without pay for drinking on the job and that his temper has resulted in him injuring some of the inmates. When the events of the game take place, Frank assists the Joker in taking over the Island by providing him with the Asylum's security codes.
• Dead Rising: Rare Female Example Jo Slade is a former Mall cop, who has taken advantage of the zombie apocalypse to abduct multiple women that she imprisons in the clothing store, using them to lure in others for her to kill. A smug, lecherous sadist she then proceeds to molest, degrade, torture and finally murder her poor victims, with it being made clear she's had multiple victims before Frank finds her. She likewise stands out as the only psychopath to lack any sympathetic traits or justifications, being an example of how low people can sink if given the opportunity.
• Five Nights at Freddy's:
  • Five Nights at Freddy's 2: The Purple Guy (William Afton) is heavily implied to be the old night guard who got moved to the day shift and used this position to murder kids and leave their bodies in the animatronics. Although he is later revealed to actually be the co-founder and CEO of Fazbear Entertainment, the spinoff novella Five Nights at Freddy's: The Silver Eyes confirms that part of his M.O. as a Serial Killer is to blend in as a security guard under the alias 'Dave Miller.' It's implied to be a factor in why the animatronics hate security guards so much.
  • Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach: Vanessa A is Head of Security for Fazbear Entertainment's PizzaPlex and a recurring threat to Gregory during her routine patrol. She's also secretly Vanny, the rabbit-suited psychopath out to recreate Afton's murder spree, implied to have already murdered nine people, and she's the one who reprogrammed the animatronics to become hostile. However, it's strongly implied she's been brainwashed by Glitchtrap, and it's even possible in one ending to free her.
• Luigi's Mansion 3: Kruller is a portly security guard who struggles to move, stays where he is even as Luigi robs his stores, and then ultimately battles him. With that being said, he's only ever Laughably Evil.
• Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines: Officer Chunk is a security guard at Gallery Noir and easily the most ineffectual mortal in the entire game. A gullible, careless, dim-witted, weak-willed Fat Idiot who tries to seem official by citing police codes, he can easily be tricked into just handing over the keys to the building — and you can flummox him by citing a few police codes of your own... or if you're a Malkavian, you can use Dementation to make him briefly realize just how useless he really is. When Chunk loses his job as a result of the paintings being vandalized (assuming you don't just kill him), he doesn't even suspect you, remaining dopily amiable as ever in his new security gig at the Venture Building.

Western Animation

• The Amazing World of Gumball: In "The Awkwardness", Gumball and Hot Dog Guy's efforts to avoid running into each other leads them to run out of a store without paying for ketchup, which catches the attention of the mall cop, who handcuffs them together and demands that his job be seriously taken with the respect of a regular cop. This eventually leads to the mall cop pretending to be knocked out and unresponsive until Gumball gives in and calls him "officer" like he wants.
• Downplayed in Animaniacs: Ralph, the overweight security guard for the Warner Bros. Studio lot, is shown to be slovenly and dim-witted, and while he chases the Warner Siblings when they escape, he is really quite harmless and affable, which is why he's often a comedic Butt-Monkey but never subjected to Bugs Bunny-style karma by the Warners. He's also shown to be a very doting husband and father despite his extremely meager means and is generally portrayed as one of the most unambiguously good people working at the studio.
• The Boondocks: "It's Goin' Down" features Dan Stuckey AKA Dan the Security Man. He's a Fat Bastard security guard who barely does anything more than stare at a monitor at his work for Ed Wuncler III's company. He has an opinionated hatred of the government because he thinks that they're distributing his hard-earned tax money to fat and lazy people. Wuncler even calls him a "waste of usable organs" for how much of a horrible person he is.
• The Simpsons: Store Detective Don Brodka from "Marge Be Not Proud", whilst completely justified at being furious at Bart for shoplifting, is still presented as a surly humourless jerk.

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