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Fond Memories That Could Have Been
When I thought you might be dying,
I cried for all we'd never be.
Natalie, Next To Normal

This trope is an incredibly painful but nevertheless important Aesop that is appearing in works that are centered around relationships. It's common in regards to parent-child bonds, but other relationships (siblings, lovers, etc.) can be used as well.

Your character has stayed aloof from their kind and loving partner, parent or child, often Too Good for This Sinful Earth, a victim of a terminal illness or destined to give their lives for the good of humanity. This is usually because of their refusal to become emotionally attached to someone they don't believe they can hold onto.

Far too often, far too late, does the character realize how much they love the other person only as they are about to be lost forever.

In desperation to hold onto what could have been, they will plead them to stay so that they may spend the quality time together that they were too proud or aloof to make, often accompanied by imagined images of happy memories that could have been. This will be made all the more painful by the dying person forgiving for their mistakes, Going Out with a Smile...

This is a Death Trope, so naturally spoilers ahoy!, both marked and unmarked.

Examples:

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     Anime and Manga  
  • Air: Haruko weeps for her adoptive daughter Misuzu to stay alive, bitterly imagining the times she wished she could have spent with her as she dies in her arms.
  • Roy Revant, the aloof adoptive father of the title character of Solty Rei frantically pleaded for his little girl to not go through with the suicidal Heroic Sacrifice to save the planet, even going as far as telling her that he would take her to the amusement park like any father would his daughter. She simply smiles with tears in her eyes, and says that she's happy to have been his daughter, and bravely steps into the shuttle to her doom. Some time later, he goes up and finds her.
  • In Elfen Lied, Chief Kurama is unable to kill his monster of a daughter at the end, and instead carries her off as an explosive implanted in her body kills them both, his last thoughts being images of him, his deceased wife, and Mariko as a normal family. This also happens in the manga, but the scenario is different. He tries to kill themselves with a rocket that doesn't explode but would crush them to death. He see images of his "possible" normal family. However, Mariko saves both of them. That makes it even worse, as later Mariko is beheaded by Lucy and then her body explodes, while Kurama is forced to watch his daughter's death.
  • In CLANNAD, After Nagisa dies, Tomoya frequently pictures a life where she is still alive, they are living happily, and they are both raising Ushio together.
  • Kaori with Shiori in Kanon. Kaori can't bear to be close to her terminally ill sister and pretends like her sister doesn't exist, so she can stay emotionally distant. This causes Shiori much anguish for years. Only when Shiori has very little time left does Kaori's composure crack and she tries to be the big sister she should have been all along. Fortunately, Ayu's miracle gives them much more time to spend as a family, thankfully averting this trope at the end of it all.
  • In Angel Beats! it becomes clear that Yui's greatest regret is not having been able to marry because of her paralysis. Once Hinata says he would have married her despite her condition, we see romantic scenes of them meeting and falling in love during their previous lives. This all sounds very nice, but shortly after Yui disappears, finally having found peace in herself. Hinata eventually disappears as well..
  • Occurred twice in the Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Movie:
    • When her daughter Alicia died, workaholic Precia Testarossa deeeply regretted that they had never been able to spend quality time together. In despair, she used all her knowledge to create a perfect replacement, and thus Fate was born. Unfortunately, even with all her likeliness and memories, Fate turns up into a different individual, causing her mother to go crazy and sees her as a failure, keeping her only as a mere tool in her new plan to resurrect Alicia.
    • In the end, as she falls down to her death, Precia remembered that when she was still alive Alicia once wanted a sister and realized too late that instead of a replacement, she could have accepted Fate as another daughter instead.
  • In End of Evangelion when Instrumentality/The Third Impact is taking full effect killing everyone on the planet, Gendo's last words are "Forgive me, Shinji." as he realises how he has driven his child away and treated him horribly, invoking this trope.
    • It's also implied that Gendo's always felt like that. However, End of Eva doesn't tend to outright state much of anything.
  • A compressed version of this shows up in one of the chapter covers of One Piece. It shows Luffy with his dead older brothers, Sabo and Ace, having adventures in the present day.
  • Naruto features a variation on the cover of the chapter finishing the Naruto's birth arc, in which Minato and Kushina sacrifice themselves to save their son and Konoha. What's particularly gut-wrenching is that it shows a typical family breakfast for Naruto's family—showing the huge contrast between his What Could Have Been childhood and his very Dark and Troubled Past one.
    • While attempting to complete his master plan after betraying everything he believed in, Obito sees flashes of the life he could have lived had he chosen to cope with Rin's death rather than let it define his existence.
  • At the end of Meakashi-hen, one of the most gruesome arcs of Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, the VN includes a flashback to a scene that would have occurred if Shion had remembered her promise to Satoshi, in which she serves as an older sister figure to Satoko. Sadly, this scene occurs only after Shion murdered Satoko gruesomely and herself fell off a building to her death. It takes until Minagoroshi-hen for the relationship pictured to actually develop in one of the alternate universes (although in Matsuri, Tsukiotoshi-hen also appears to take this trajectory).
    Shion: ''But ...It's okay, right? To make it into something like this? It's okay, right...? I'm sorry... for being born.
  • Happens in Anatolia Story, between Kash and Ursula. She's about to perform an Heroic Sacrifice via willingly Taking the Heat of a murder, and Kash tries to break her out. Via invoking this trope, Ursula manages to tell him how much she loves him before refusing to escape and facing her destiny; Kash accepts this and they share a Last Kiss as well as a Tragic Keepsake giving.

     Fanfics 

     Film  
  • Subverted in Dead Poets Society — all Neil's father has to say is "My son, my son," and he blames Neil's teacher for the boy's being Driven to Suicide, completely unable to accept the blame. His outward denial of responsibility and rage at the teacher are driven by his own guilt.
  • In Scarface, Tony Montana finds his best friend and his sister together, and in a rage, shoots and kills his friend, only to learn that he and his sister had just gotten married.
  • In the films Jean de Florette and its second part Manon of the Spring, a greedy, conniving farmer, CÚsar, engineers the downfall and death of his newly-arrived neighbor, Jean, in order to get hold of his property. Years later, CÚsar discovers, to his infinite horror, that the man he destroyed was the son that CÚsar had always wished he'd had. Heartbroken and devastated, CÚsar loses the will to live and dies soon after.
  • Saw II, while averting this trope with the broken family straits Daniel and Eric, gets this quote in to lampshade it:
    John Kramer: Seems to me that the knowledge of your son's impending death is causing you to act... Why is that we're only willing to do that, when a life is at stake?
    • In the hindsight of Saw IV, the same father-son relationship also plays this out painfully straight.

     Literature  
  • In The Lord of the Rings, Denethor only realizes he loves his son Faramir when Faramir is dying from wounds he received in a pointless battle that Denethor sent him into. Turns out Faramir is Only Mostly Dead, but by this time Denethor's so insane he can't see it (movie)/loses all hope anyway (book), and he attempts to kill himself and Faramir on a funeral pyre. In both versions, Faramir is rescued, but Denethor burns to death.
  • Classic example: East Lynne, which played the death of the tragic heroine's son for all it was worth.
  • Ralph Nickleby hangs himself after learning that Smike was his son because he wasted his life making money and believes that raising a child might have made him a better person.

     Live Action TV 
  • Doctor Who:
    • A variation in the episode "The Family of Blood". When he has to turn human for a time (losing his Time Lord memories and becoming a different person; the mild-mannered teacher John Smith) the Doctor is needed to save the day as usual. Unfortunately, John Smith has fallen in love, and doesn't want to (from his perspective) die. While agonising over whether to sacrifice himself or not, it gets worse when he and the woman he loves share a vision of Fond Memories That Could Be, where they have children and grow old together in a possible future, after it has been made clear to John that, for all the wonderful things he can do, the Doctor is lonely.
    • Another variation in "The Rings of Akhaten," where the Doctor faces a parasitic sun that feeds off of memories and emotions. Up until now, the people of the orbiting worlds have kept it dormant through regular offerings, but now "Grandfather" is awake and intent on devouring the entire system. The Doctor tries to offer his own memories and experiences, but even at over a thousand years old, he can't offer enough to put the parasite back to sleep. It's the leaf that Clara keeps as a memento that does the trick: as it symbolizes a future that never happened, all the adventures her mother had planned before her death, and all the infinite possibilities of that future, Grandfather implodes when he attempts to consume it.
  • Ally McBeal: Billy was Ally's big love — a high school and college sweetheart. It broke her heart when she found out that he's married to Georgia. Nevertheless, they worked in one law firm and had a lot of Will They Or Won't They Get Back Together? tension, but they never truly did. In season 3, Billy unexpectedly got a tumour and died very suddenly, but before he died, he hallucinated, believing he was married to Ally and that they had children together.
  • Subverted on The X-Files in the episode "Amor Fati." While dying from an unknown brain ailment, Mulder hallucinates that his life is suddenly "perfect." There is no conspiracy, Big Bad CSM is actually a nice guy who lives down the street, Deep Throat isn't dead but happily married, his sister is alive with children, and he's married to Diana Fowley. However, Mulder immediately notices something is amiss and expresses that this is not his life—he has other commitments. Eventually, he does come to accept his life there, and it becomes a parable about trusting wolves in sheep's clothing, since it turns out the Big Bad was simply distracting him from his quest. The final shot of the hallucination is Mulder lying in bed as an old man, with the apocalypse raging outside. Luckily for Mulder, Scully is always there to kick his butt back into gear, she pops up in his hallucination to tell him to fight the fight. It works, he comes out of it, and there is an adorably shippy scene at the end of the episode in which Mulder calls her his "touchstone."

     Video Games 
  • In Shin Megami Tensei IV, in either the Law and Chaos paths Isabeau quietly mulls about this for a moment after her defeat, lamenting you two could not remain together, despite all the experiences you had lived through. She then proves she does not want whatever you are planning in either Path by slitting her throat .

     Western Animation  
  • Family Guy: In "Brian Wallows and Peter Swallows", Brian falls in love with an elderly woman that dies at the end. But, before she dies, Brian puts a VR helmet on her to imagine her life if she lived and married Brian.

Dying Declaration of LoveI Regret This IndexHeel Realization
Flatline PlotlineDeath TropesForeseeing My Death
Final First HugTear JerkerFriendless Background

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