In 2000, Vanessa Wye, a lonely fifteen-year-old at a Boarding School in Maine, is groomed by her 42-year-old teacher, Jacob Strane, into an abusive Teacher/Student Romance. They stay in touch into adulthood. In 2017, Taylor Birch, another of Mr. Strane's former students, comes forward to say that he sexually abused her. Vanessa struggles with a decision: should she go public with what happened to her?
My Dark Vanessa contains examples of:
- Abusive Parents: Strane implies that his mother was abusive to him, saying that she was 'never nice' to him. He never explains any further.
- Affably Evil / Faux Affably Evil: Strane zigzags between the two as the story moves along, there are times where he seems genuinely friendly while at other times, one can tell him being nice is just an act.
- Age-Gap Romance:
- Vanessa believes that her relationship with Strane is this—a forty-plus-year-old man who just couldn't help but fall in love with a fifteen-year-old. Everyone else in her life sees it for what it is: an adult preying on a child because she is a child.
- Vanessa becomes fascinated with the trope and consumes any work that includes it.
- Ambiguously Bi: Vanessa is only seen in relationships with men, but she is deeply attached to her old roommate, Jenny, and there are hints that her feelings may have been at least partially romantic. In high school, she mentions wanting to kiss a female friend who's moving away but "resisting the urge." The ambiguity is, it's implied, inevitable: Strane's abuse has made it difficult enough for Vanessa to sort out the basic facts of her past, let alone her sexuality.
- Ambiguously Gay: There is a strong case for Vanessa being a lesbian who uses sex with men as self-harm. Her romantic and sexual interactions with men other than Strane all come across as trauma reenactment or validation-seeking. When she's being abused by Strane, it is apparent that she does not find him attractive and what she likes isn't him but the special attention he's giving her, which she has been brainwashed into believing is attraction to him.
- Ambiguous Situation:
- Vanessa's college professor, Henry Plough, is shown to have poor boundaries at the absolute best: he hides the fact that he is married to a former student from Vanessa, and inserts himself into her life to an inappropriate degree. But how similar he is to Strane, and how much is Vanessa seeing Plough through a projection of her past and attempting to make him play Strane's role, is left unclear. Vanessa herself admits to this ambiguity.
- It's never entirely clear how much of Strane's gaslighting of Vanessa is conscious, deliberate manipulation on his part and how much is him having to believe his own lies to assuage his own guilt.
- Animal Lover: Vanessa has a fondness for dogs. She even gets one at the end of the book.
- Auto Erotica: Strane drives Vanessa into the woods, miles away from the nearest town, and fingers her in the car.
- Believing Their Own Lies: Vanessa realises fairly early on that Strane's rewriting of their history isn't entirely to manipulate her; he needs to believe that he's telling the truth about the relationship being loving and consensual because he does actually have a conscience and knows what he's doing is wrong.
- The B Grade: Vanessa remembers walking into her dorm room to see her then-best friend Jenny Murphy sobbing in bed over getting an 88.
- The Big Guy: Strane is over 6'4 and solidly built, and the enormous difference in size gets brought up repeatedly by young Vanessa, as something that both makes her feel safe and wanting to bury herself into him and something she finds overwhelming and intimidating.
- Bittersweet Ending: Vanessa's finally starting to see Strane's abuse as what it is and is steadily getting her life together. But Strane's suicide means he can never pay for what he did to Vanessa, Taylor and his other victims.
- Blatant Lies: Whenever Strane says that he 'doesn't mean to overstep,' chances are he's full of crap.
- Both Sides Have a Point: Taylor and Vanessa's argument over the article about Strane. Taylor is angry at Vanessa for not helping her and the other girls Strane abused by testifying what he did to her. She insists that it's important to fight against predators like Strane, even after death. On the other hand, besides the fact that Vanessa is still struggling to even acknowledge she was groomed and raped, she refuses to share such a personal part of her with the world, even anonymously. At the end of the novel, Taylor and Vanessa apologize to one another.
- Chivalrous Pervert: Subverted with Strane. He portrays himself as this, and Vanessa sees him as this: an essentially good man who was unable to resist the power she held over him, and who never made a move in their relationship without her initiation. It takes her a long time to accept the fact that she was groomed."I want to be a positive presence in your life," he says. "Someone you can look back on and remember fondly, the funny old teacher who was pathetically in love with you but kept his hands to himself and was a good boy in the end."
- Consummate Liar:
- Vanessa is shocked how easily she can lie, both to others and to herself. This doesn't make her the most reliable narrator in the world, especially when it comes to her perceptions about her and Strane's 'romance.'
- Strane as well, he often tells Vanessa that she's in control and she has the final say, though his actions suggest otherwise.
- Cool Teacher: Brutally deconstructed. Strane curses freely in front of his students and teaches them the sexual significance of the poem "Putting In the Seed." Basically, he's not afraid to be inappropriate with them...in more ways than one.
- Henry Plough also appears to be this, but as it's seen through Vanessa's eyes it's not clear how much of this is just her perceptions.
- Deconstruction: The entire book is a deconstruction of the Age-Gap Romance and Teacher/Student Romance tropes, and unfortunately an example on how they occur in real life. Vanessa and Strane's relationship is not a genuine romance that just so happens to be between a man and a teenager—it's predatory, toxic, and not in spite of their age gap, but because of it.
- Desperately Craves Affection: Vanessa desperately wants the validation and affection from those around her. This is ultimately deconstructed as we see this tendency is what makes her come back to Strane time and time again.
- Dedication: "For the real-life Dolores Hazes and Vanessa Wyes whose stories have not yet been heard, believed, or understood."
- Dirty Coward: Strane, big-time. He never takes responsibility for his actions and constantly gaslights Vanessa in order to escape the consequences. When they come close to getting caught while she's at school, he makes a paper trail to make it seem that she made up a rumor about the two of them. When Vanessa confronts him, he manipulates her into thinking he helped both of them—keeping himself out of prison and her from being a victim for the rest of her life. Years later when Taylor's story starts to gain notoriety and more of Strane's victims come forward Strane jumps off a bridge rather than finally face the consequences of his actions.
- Driven to Suicide: After it becomes clear to Strane that he's not going to get out Taylor's allegations unscathed this time, he calls Vanessa one last time, then jumps off a bridge.
- Drowning My Sorrows: As an adult, Vanessa relies on alcohol, cigarettes, and sometimes Ativan to get through the day.
- Dying Town: Mr. Strane grew up in the former mining boomtown of Butte, Montana, with abandoned headframes between the houses and a giant pit of acid
on the nearby hill. - Eating Lunch Alone: After Vanessa's friend at public school moves away, she has nowhere to sit at lunch, so she starts eating by herself at a nearby diner.
- Ephebophile: Strane seems to prefer girls from 14 to 16 years old.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Strane might be a predatory creep, but even he's uncomfortable with choking Vanessa during sex.
- Evil Is Petty: When Strane learns from Vanessa that her old friend Jenny asked her if she was having an inappropriate relationship with him, he humiliates Jenny in class, much to Vanessa's chagrin.
- Five-Finger Discount: After Vanessa is transferred to a public school, she falls in with Jade and Charley, who take her to shoplift nail polish during lunch break.
- Friendly Address Privileges: After Vanessa and Mr. Strane kiss for the first time, she drops the Mr. and just calls him Strane.
- Gaslighting:
- Strane regularly denies to Vanessa how some things in their relationship really went down, or heavily embellish events to make them seem more romantic and consensual. But the most egregious case is after Vanessa finds out Strane pushed for her expulsion from Browick, Strane insists Vanessa put on a brave face and offered to take the heat. Vanessa is confused by this, as she mostly remembers Inelegant Blubbering on her end.
- Vanessa herself attempts this on her mom, saying that she was largely responsible for sending her to Browick in the first place. Her mom instantly calls Vanessa out on it because she was the one who begged to go.
- Hard Truth Aesop:
- Sometimes it's difficult for victims to admit they were victims. Some inadvertently build their lives around their abusers, so what does mean about them once they've admitted it? That they wasted so much time with this person? This is not helped by some of societies attitudes towards abuse victims (sexual or physical), several characters outright ask Vanessa why she can't see Strane for what he is.
- You don't need some tragic backstory or something inherently "wrong" with you to be preyed upon or manipulated. Vanessa's life before Strane was perfectly average. Strane just preyed upon Vanessa because he could and she fell for it because he made her feel special and mature for her age.
- Not everyone wants to have their story put out for the world to see. This is especially poignant in the MeToo era. It means inviting millions into your personal information for the world to see and judge, and not everyone will have the victim's best interest in mind.
- The abusers may never be brought to justice. It's almost a cliche about celebrities and rich individuals getting off with a slap on the wrist while the victims have to fight hard for them to face any kind of punishment. Or there's Strane's case where he simply kills himself before he could face any charges for his crimes.
- Hairpin Lockpick: When the shower drain gets clogged with hair one too many times, the janitor gets fed up and locks the bathroom. Ms. Thompson has to pick the lock with a paperclip.
- Hands-On Approach: When Vanessa struggles to use a computer program, Mr. Strane puts his hand on hers to guide the mouse. The second time, he squeezes her hand.
- Headphones Equal Isolation: Jenny figures out what's going on between Strane and Vanessa and offers to help, but Vanessa thinks Strane loves her and refuses. The two get in a fight, and then Vanessa puts on headphones that aren't even plugged into anything to get Jenny to leave her alone.
- If It's You, It's Okay: Subverted with Strane's attraction to Vanessa. While she believes him when he claims to have been drawn to her mature personality despite her age and bemoans the unhappy accident of having a fifteen-year-old soulmate, the signs that he's into her because of her youth and immaturity are everywhere, and it only gets harder to ignore when he loses interest in her as she gets older while continuing to pursue his high school students.
- Immoral Journalist: Janine, the Femzine journalist writing the article about Strane's victims. She harasses Vanessa to contribute—going as far as to track her work number—and plans on using Vanessa's poetry in the article without her permission, claiming that being publicly available makes it free game. Taylor later apologizes to Vanessa for Janine's behavior, and confesses she probably cared less about helping Strane's victims and more about making a good story.
- Inelegant Blubbering: Vanessa sobs so hard she can barely stand up, with snot dripping from her nose, when Strane ends their relationship because the risk is too great.
- Innocently Insensitive: Vanessa's mom turns this into an art form.
- Intelligence Equals Isolation: Strane treats Vanessa as though she is a loner by choice due to her superior intellect. In fact, she is simply socially adrift after falling out with her closest friend the semester before, but after dealing with her mother's concern that Loners Are Freaks and constant pressure to socialize, Strane's perspective appeals to her. It also separates her even further from the other students, making her an easy prey for Strane.
- Intimate Telecommunications: When Vanessa calls Strane at night from her parents' house, Strane tells her to take off her pajamas and then do various things with her body. Vanessa pretends to go along with it, but doesn't really do anything. At the end, Strane tells her to say, "I love you, Daddy."
- Karma Houdini: As Taylor's story gains more notoriety Strane calls Vanessa one last time then jumps off a bridge. Meaning he can never be properly arrested and pay for his crimes.
- Kick the Dog: When Strane visits Vanessa at her home, the family dog Babe jumps up on him. Vanessa tells him to say "no," but instead he shoves Babe so hard that she falls on her back.
- Likes Older Men: Due to her first sexual experience being with Strane, Vanessa compulsively pursues older men.
- The Loins Sleep Tonight: The last time Vanessa and Strane tried to have sex, she was 27. He kept going soft, because she was too old. Since then, all their interactions have been over the phone.
- Manchild: A gender swapped version with Vanessa, as it's shown throughout the novel that the trauma from her 'relationship' with Strane is so deep within her that she's never moved past her teenage years, and is stuck in an arrested development.
- Mess of Woe: After Vanessa's dad dies, her mom stops cleaning house. Now a pile of dirty laundry blocks the door to the bathroom. She also stops mowing the lawn, which she says is good for bees.
- Miscarriage of Justice: Every way that Browick deals with the allegation of Vanessa and Strane's relationship. It only begins when Vanessa is pulled out of class by the teacher she's accused of being in a relationship with (giving them time alone for Vanessa to be manipulated, which is exactly what happens). Browick does not report the situation to the higher-ups despite it being legally mandated. Then, to top it all off, they force Vanessa to publicly apologize to her peers for "lying" to them—a useless punishment that would cause unnecessary trauma, which Vanessa's therapist Ruby points out. At the end of the novel, when Strane's predation on several young students is finally brought to light, Browick issues a statement saying that while there may have been "sexual misconduct," they "found no evidence of sexual abuse."
- Misaimed Fandom: In-universe example. Mr. Strane gives Vanessa a copy of Lolita, and Vanessa is entranced by the story of forbidden love with a child seductress. She says as much later in a college class, only for her professor to shoot her down and outright say she misread the book.
- Most Writers Are Writers: Strane inspired the young Vanessa to write and is disappointed that her interest in writing has petered out now that she's an adult.
- "Not If They Enjoyed It" Rationalization: Strane uses this on Vanessa during one of his tirades, after he finds out Vanessa told her professor that he raped her.
- One True Love: Strane tries to paint Vanessa as his (and may well believe this himself), and even as an adult Vanessa can't completely refute it; even though she knows he's abused other young girls by this point, it seems Strane was telling the truth about not becoming obsessed with the others to the degree he does over Vanessa, and Vanessa seems to be the only relationship he attempts to continue into adulthood.
- Parental Neglect: Played With in Vanessa's case. While her parents clearly love her, her dad's so conflict avoidant, he'd rather dip and watch TV rather than deal with the friction between Vanessa and her mom. Vanessa's mom is often Innocently Insensitive, to the point where Vanessa feels like she can't talk to her.
- Parents as People: Vanessa's mother loves her daughter dearly, but doesn't realize when she's being insensitive—such as telling Vanessa to make more friends when her fallout with Jenny is still a fresh wound. She's also furious when she finds out about Vanessa and Strane's relationship, largely because Vanessa lied to her.
- Period Piece: Half the book takes place from 2000 to 2007.
- Poster-Gallery Bedroom: Because she spends most of her time at boarding school, Vanessa's bedroom at her parents' house is a time capsule of her fourteen-year-old self, complete with poster-covered walls, although it doesn't say what the posters are of.
- Really Moves Around: When Charley and her mom move to New Hampshire, it's the fourth time they've moved in three years.
- Rule of Three: Three times it's explained how Strane would sit in Vanessa's seat after their class was dismissed and "breathe her in." Once during Vanessa's narration in the 2017 portion, once said by Strane himself. Both instances were used as proof of how desperately in love with her Strane was. It isn't until the third time this comes up, while Vanessa is in a therapy session with Ruby after Strane's death does Vanessa actually hear what's being said and realizes how deranged it actually is.
- Scholarship Student: Vanessa is on a full scholarship to Broward, which sets her even further apart from the other, wealthier students and most likely contributes to her becoming a scapegoat:Jenny: "No one else in your family went here, you know? For you, it's like you come here and graduate and then that' s it. You never think about it again. You never contribute."Vanessa: "Contribute? Like give money?""No," she says quickly. "That is not what I said."
- Selective Obliviousness: It becomes increasingly clear over the course of the novel that Vanessa knows that her and Strane's relationship is predatory and abusive, but she refuses to call it as such—which leads her to butt heads with Taylor when confronted. She confesses to Ruby that it's because she can't accept the idea that so much of her life revolved around something so awful.
- Soul-Crushing Desk Job: After graduating college, Vanessa works a variety of administrative assistant jobs, hating both the work and the environment. When she catches herself Googling "what should you do if being at work makes you suicidal," she decides to take a front desk position at a hotel instead, which doesn't pay as well but staves off a nervous breakdown.
- Taking the Heat: When word of Vanessa and Strane's relationship reaches the higher-ups, Vanessa protects Strane by saying she started the rumors for attention. As a result, she has to apologize for "lying" to a roomful of kids, her school year is ended early, and she's transferred to another school, while Strane suffers no consequences.
- Teacher/Student Romance: To hear Strane tell it, these aren't unheard of at Browick, though he's hardly the most trustworthy source. As a college student, Vanessa attempts to recreate this relationship by seducing her professor Henry Plough, who, while he resists her, turns out to himself be married to a former student. Vanessa suspects that his own latent guilt over this motivates his hatred for Strane.
- There Are No Therapists: Played with. After Vanessa's expelled from Browick, her mother figures out that she was in a relationship with Strane. However, since Vanessa still doesn't want to go to the authorities about it, her mother would rather pretend it never happened. By 2017 Vanessa is seeing a therapist, but it starts out as grief therapy after her dad's death and it isn't until after Strane's death that Vanessa starts to open up to her therapist about her relationship with him.
- Title Drop: Strane shows Vanessa a passage from Pale Fire: "Come and be worshiped, come and be caressed/My dark Vanessa, crimson-barred, my blest…"
- Unequal Pairing: Strane tries to convince Vanessa that she's really the one in control in their relationship, but he subtly manipulates her into going along with his wants, both in bed and out.
- Unreliable Narrator: Even in 2017, Vanessa has a hard time seeing her relationship with Mr. Strane as predatory and abusive, instead seeing it as a consensual affair with a man who truly loved her.
- The Un-Smile: At Vanessa's high school graduation, her dad tells her, "Come on, at least pretend to be happy." The result looks like an animal about to bite.
- Values Dissonance: In-Universe. Vanessa's relationship with Strane gets mixed reactions in the 2000-2007 segments. There are some who see it as predatory, such as Jenny, others who romanticize the idea of a Teacher/Student Romance and say they'd do it if the teacher was hot enough, or they have Skewed Priorities and are angrier that Vanessa lied to them. Come 2017 more people see Vanessa and Strane's relationship as predatory and abusive thanks to the rise of the MeToo movement.
- Victim Blaming: Vanessa has a tendency to do this, both with herself and other victims. Part of her own downward spiral is because she feels complicit in her own abuse because she can't fully accept that her "consent" to each stage, both in school and as an adult, was due to Strane's manipulations. She projects this onto other victims as well, believing Taylor was overreacting to Strane touching her knee, and when stories of kidnap or abuse come up in either films or the news, she defaults to wondering whether the victim was enjoying it on some level.
- Wicked Cultured: Strane is an English teacher after all.
- Wise Beyond Their Years: Deconstructed with Vanessa. While Vanessa is a bright and precocious girl, she's still just a young girl when Strane meets her. Her emotional immaturity and loneliness make her a ripe target for Strane.
