Funny / Third Rate Gamer

General

• His Running Gag of "it [a game or console] just has 'ass' written all over it", accompanied with an ass over the "bad" game or console and a fart sound. The first time, there's a picture of an ass hand-drawn on the Nintendo DS, the second time, the word itself is being displayed on the Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island title screen (misspelled "as") and lastly, a picture of the Pissed Off Angry Gamer falling on his ass during the Super Mario Bros. 2 character select screen.
• The first eleven episodes featured "Dog's Ending Theme" from Silent Hill 2 as its theme song and has a picture of Hotel Mario's version of Luigi's head sloppily plastered onto his body.^note and while Rule of Funny does apply here, Third Rate Gamer does by coincidence resemble Luigi

Final Fantasy III

• He assumes that Final Fantasy III was released after II(IV), so he's confused as to why it's on the NES and has much worse graphics.
• He gets up and goes to the bathroom while the opening cutscene of VI is running.
• He complains that the first bosses of Final Fantasy III and VI are both "slow, non-threatening animals"- a turtle in the former and a snail in the latter. That doesn't stop him from losing to both of them, though.
• The reason why he loses to the Whelk. Instead of realizing that the head is the boss's weak spot, he repeatedly attacks the shell in hopes of breaking it, resulting in his party getting fried by Giga Volts when the boss retaliates.

Nintendo DS

• While introducing the various handhelds in the Game Boy line, midway through he starts eating a chocolate muffin, causing all of his speech as he introduces the rest of the handhelds to become muffled.
• He mixes up the screens by placing the DS upside-down, and gets angry when the top screen isn't responsive to the stylus.
• He attempts to put a Game Boy Advance game in its proper slot, set to epic music... only the game in question is really Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for the Game Gear.
• The part where he states "WRONG!" and spends several seconds making stupid faces.
• In a parody of a scene from the Irate Gamer's Tetris review:
  Third Rate Gamer: These games suck so much, it makes me wish that a Thwomp from Super Mario Bros. would fall out of the sky in this room and crush me! Of course, you've probably already noticed that I'm further back away from the camera and there's a lot of empty space above me so the joke is pretty much dead, but I'm gonna do it anyway. (gets crushed by a Thwomp, with a fart sound)

Castlevania 1, 2 and 3

• The fact that he keeps calling the games Castlemania and that he only shows a short clip of him intentionally dying in the third game so that he can say that he reviewed it.
• When complaining that the game doesn't let you know that you'll be in a castle until you play it (as he thought he would be fighting aliens), he says "What a bunch of ass-coleslaw with a side of jumbo shrimp, French fries, bread and guacamole with a free large drink and chocolate ice cream sundae for dessert!"
• His dying montage has him saying the word "Shit!" many different, goofy ways and some of the game clips being repeated.
• TRG throughout the review uses audio from the The Angry Video Game Nerd's review of the game. At one point, he even overlays audio of them both asking "What's the point?" and cries out "You Know Whats Bullshit'' as a pop-up then flashes exclaiming "What I'm saying is so completely different than what the AVGN says. Honest!" He says “What a horrible night for cursing" ^note although the actual in-game text says "What a horrible night to have a curse", which is then followed with a Freeze-Frame Bonus pop-up saying "But I love cursing! It gives the illusion of humor!"

The Legend of Zelda

• He complains about Mario vs. Sonic at the Olympic Games, with the camera quickly zooming in on the "&" symbol.
• "What a cussword load of another cussword."
• He complains about Link not being able to jump, saying that "there was a jump button in the sequel that was released before this game, so why can't I jump in the original?"

Street Fighter II

• The title card (which is spelled as "Street Fiter 2"), which has the drawing of M. Bison's infamous "Yes! Yes!" scene has TRG's head on M. Bison and Mr. T's head on Balrog.
• He complains about Dhalsim looking like "Gandhi after a hunger strike" and then asking "Will somebody please feed this guy a cheeseburger?"
• He later complains about M. Bison's level's color scheme and asks if Ray Charles designed it... only to include a picture of a sunglasses-wearing Bill Cosby instead.
• After getting defeated by the M. Bison sprite, TRG's losing card has a picture of him looking beaten up with poorly CGI'ed trickles of blood added to his nose and mouth.

Yoshi's Island

• After complaining about the use of 3D graphics and the lack of a character select screen for not being in the previous Mario games, he eventually whines about the changes from the standard formula in the most hilariously Wangsty fashion:
  Third Rate Gamer: It's different than every other Mario game! How do they expect me to play something like this? Why couldn't it just be exactly the same as every other game in the series?
• He criticizes the lack of power-ups, saying that there should be some so that he can play with "optimum performance". When he does talk about one of the power-ups in the game later in the review, he then says that he'll just delete any comment that points out his error in order to make himself "look good."

Paperboy

• His contention that his "sleeveless yellow bike" should be red, and he colors it as so.
• "What a shitload with a side of fuck!"
• Midway through the review, a completely random plug is inserted to tell viewers to "buy [his] t-shirts" with no rhyme or reason to the placement.
• The end of the review has him getting struck in the face with a CGI newspaper, as a Shout-Out to this happening to The Nerd in his Atari 5200 review.

Ninja Gaiden

• Him complaining about people not buying his DVDs:
  (closeup to a DVD with "Third Rate Gamer Vol. 1" very crudely drawn on in Microsoft Paint)
  Third Rate Gamer: Come on! Why watch it for free on YouTube when you can spend money on it?
• He compares the game's flashing colors in a death sequence to the episode "Electric Soldier Porygon" from Pokémon, where he claims that the episode killed hundreds of people.
• He falls into a pit and loses a turn. "That's bullshit!" ^note As heard in the Bullshit Man's voice.
• TRG complains about how the third game added voice actors, then he compares it to if Super Mario Bros. had it, which includes the Ninja Gaiden 3 yelling sound effects when Mario is shooting the fireballs and then a loud "D'oh!" when he fell into a pit.
• The ending where he gets a call inviting him to appear on a radio show, the sound of the bitcrushed noise of "Ghostbusters!" from said game is heard and the Ryu sprite coming across the screen and shoddily decapitating him as colorful lights flash and a "Game Over" screen is seen.

Little Nemo... sorry, FINDING Nemo

• He begins the review with a video that a "fan" made for him:
  "The Third Rate Gamer is not a rip-off of The Angry Video Game Nerd. In AVGN's reviews, he said "What a shitload of fuck.", but in the Third Rate Gamer's reviews, he said "What a shitload of fuck." So as you can see, it's not a rip-off because it's not word-for... ah, crap. Screw this; I'm gonna go lift some weights."
• His mocking of the Irate Gamer's Recognition Failure in the latter's review of the Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law game:
  Third Rate Gamer: This movie contains all my favorite characters from the movie, such as Nemo, Flip, and Reducto! (the latter is accompanied by a picture of Freezoid instead of Reducto)
• The police knock on his door, and he escapes by riding on his bike. How does he show this? By showing obvious clip art of a kid on a bike (with his face plastered over it) that still has a white background moving in an obviously-fake manner over another picture of a house.
  Third Rate Gamer: Oh crap, I better get out of here! This calls for some special effects! (riding on the bike) It really looks like I'm riding my bike down the street!
• He uses both the quiz AND the pause sound from Super Mario Bros. 3 that The Irate Gamer did in the second part of his E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial review, although TRG acknowledges the fact that he uses these jokes.
  • Additionally, the quizzes themselves. First, he asks what the viewer thinks your weapon is, and gives the following choices...
  A. A gun
  B. A wip
  C. Fucking candy
  • Then later in the video, he asks what the viewer thinks the point of the game is, and gives these choices.
  A. Defeat Dracula
  2. Collect P-bloks
  III. Collect keys
• Him deciding that the game's so shitty, he's going to defecate on it:
  "Bombs away!" (Cut to an image of the game being "covered" in shit. However, if you look closely, you can see an outline of Bugs Bunny being shit on by the Nerd in his review of "Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout" and it being poorly pasted in his own video.)
• The ending:
  Nightmare King: I'm a video game character, and I'm going to fight you for no reason!
  Third Rate Gamer: Don't even try! I've got the Power Sock! (starts waving around a sock worn on his hand)
  Nightmare King: Do you really expect to defeat me with a fucking sock?
  Third Rate Gamer: Not just with a sock, but with special effects! (Punches him, which then "triggers" an explosion and then it cuts to footage of a mushroom cloud)

Home Improvement

• At the beginning, he asks Tony, er, Billy to say "his" Catchphrase of "Bang-a-lang", after which he does, it is immediately followed by the sounds of a crowd of people loudly booing him and a pop-up of his user profile and information shows the actual number of subscribers to his channel plummeting in droves. After Billy refuses to review the game with TRG, leaves off-screen in a car and we hear him then crashing said car, this is followed by sounds of the aforementioned crowd now begin loudly cheering over it.
• His face when he witnesses the dinosaur, of which he zooms in on and overlays a roaring sound for dramatic effect.
• The Mario sprite that is on the screen throughout the review for no reason. And the ending where Wilson steals it. "Yoink!"

Battletoads

• His overuse of green circles throughout the review.
• His abundance of mistakes:
  • When complaining about the difficulty of the first NES Ninja Turtles and Ghosts 'n Goblins games (namely the bombs in the infamous underwater level and the apparent lack of armor, respectively), it is accompanied by footage of someone else completing these "impossible" tasks.
  • Calling Professor T. Bird "Professor Gyro". ^note In Gyromite, the character's actual name is "Professor Hector."
  • After finding a baton to use as a weapon, he gets angry over the fact that it's yellow. "I guess Pimple ^note who's not even a playable character, as he's been kidnapped got excited and pissed all over it. Didn't they even test this game before they released it?" As he says that, the sound of a toilet flushing can be heard.
  • He believing that "Hack Attack" was a real game.
  • When complaining about the Battletoad unsuccessfully fighting off a boss, he claims that he has "worse aim than Shaquille O'Neal when shooting touchdowns" while displaying a picture of Tiger Woods. Later, when crashing into a wall in the skiing level, he asks, "Who does this game think I am, Sonny Bono?" while flashing a picture of Cheech Marin.
• When The Dark Queen appears at one point, he refers to her as "the stupid banana raincoat-wearing bitch."
• "And don't ask why I'm not losing any lives here."
• His pointless bitching over a level's title:
  "Just hold the phone here! "Wookie Hole"? Why would level be called the "Wookie Hole"? I guess they were trying to appeal to the Star Trek fans (while briefly flashing a picture of the robot from "Lost in Space"), but instead they're appealing to piss me off! (as the camera quickly zooms just past his "angry" expression) There isn’t a single Wookie in this level. They could have called it the "Asshole" for all I care!"
• His "dancing" to the pause theme.
  Third Rate Gamer: I wish I had a guitar player.
• He decides to destroy the game, promising the audience an "awesome ending", but he sends the "fireball" in the wrong direction, having it explode in his face instead.
  "Ta-da!"
• The "Bloopers" part with him trying to say "Double Dragons Princible" and then him and Billy "dancing" to one of the overworld themes to Super Mario Bros. 3... only to then barely escape getting crushed by a Tetris square (complete with a green circle).

Rocket Knight Adventures

• At the beginning:
  Computerized voice-over: This review is rated "PG-17" for foul language, because video game reviews on the internet need to have ratings.
• Later on, when the Evil Rate Gamer is complaining about the game's princess, he says she could be "the Princess of Shitland for all I care", which is accompanied by a stock picture of the Magic Kingdom, has the "Disney" in Disneyland replaced with the word "Shit" and a stock picture of excrement covering Mickey Mouse's face.
  "Don't forget to flush, man!"
• "Cowabunga shit! Waffles!" (While displaying a stock photo of a plate of pancakes.)
• His complaints about the fire level, which he calls "a real piss-guzzler" and then sums up his feelings about the difficulty:
  "Therefore, it's the game's fault that I suck at it!"
• The Irritated Gamer as the guest voice of Flashter.
• TRG calling Mario during a short clip of the first Super Mario Bros. a "bitch-ass plumber fuck".

Kirby's Adventure

• His amusing Running Gag of editing in explosions at opportune places.
• He tries playing the "Crane Fever" minigame. At one point, we're treated to a close-up of him making wonderfully goofy faces, while fervently button-mashing the controller^note ...keeping in mind that the only thing you have to do in the minigame is to hold the A button for a few seconds, then to let go.
• He is surprised at the use of guns in the minigame "Quick Draw". Then in a parody of a scene from the Irate Gamer's Monster Party review, his younger cousin comes in...
  Timmy: Cool game! Can I play?
  (screen closes up on Kirby and Waddle Doo accompanied by a Scare Chord, and a horrified Timmy runs off crying)
  Third Rate Gamer: Aw, shit! Now my cousin Timmy's gonna have nightmares for a week!
  (the audience laughs, then applauds)
• Midway through the review is a commercial advertising the Third Rate Gamer card game. In this commercial is an actor who is not very enthusiastic about his opinion, and the bottom of the screen has a caption saying "NOT A PAID ACTOR". To order the card game, you must dial 867-530nah-eeh-ahine.
• "We now return to The Third Rate Gamer Show, only on Nick Jr.!"
• TRG complains that having an "invincibilility powerup" is a direct ripoff of Luigi's Mansion. Cut to footage of Super Mario Bros., with Mario dying to a Goomba. On the very left edge of 1-1.
• Upon him going to the Kirby's Dream Land-based level, he is convinced that the lack of color of the level is a glitch.
  Third Rate Gamer: After making it to the last level, you notice something wrong. Like, something is missing. I guess nobody was able to make it this far in the game to notice this glitch before releasing the game. They should've had me on the team; they could've used my mastery of video games to find this glitch.
• Upon finishing the game, TRG then suggests that Nintendo is just jealous of "superior" video game developers, like LJN and Wisdom Tree.
• During his review of Kirby's Dream Land, after TRG asks "Isn't this game fun?", a clip of Marty McFly saying "No!" is shown. A text that says "Oops, forgot to remove this part for the DVD" flashes very briefly, parodying how Irate Gamer hadn't edited out copyrighted film clips from his DVD releases.
• "I hope you enjoyed the review! I had to rewrite the script a dozen times because I wanted it to be crap instead of pure shit."
• The episode ends with TRG saying that the next review will be of Rocket Knight Adventures, despite the fact that he had already reviewed the game in the previous episode.^note According to a comment on the video by FFL2and3rocks, this was done to parody how seldom Chris Bores updated the Irate Gamer website, with it still saying a review of Aladdin (Capcom) would come soon despite the fact that it had already been out for three months at the time of the release of TRG's review of Kirby's Adventure.

The Lion King

• His repetitive and non-informative "review" of E3 2009, which TRG writes as "20009".
• When he seemingly gets stuck in the menu:
  Third Rate Gamer: What the fuck? I'm pushing buttons and nothing is happening. I haven't even started playing this game and it's already too hard. Didn't they test this game before they released it? After doing some research, I found out the controller needs to be plugged in.
• After the Third Rate Gamer chooses to start the game:
  Timon: It starts...
  Third Rate Gamer: What the fuck?
  Timon: It starts...
  Third Rate Gamer: What did he say?
  (Beat)
  Timon: (obviously dubbed over by Microsoft Sam) Make me a sandwich... bitch.
  Third Rate Gamer: Well, get your own sandwich! I'm in the middle of a bad joke here! (turns to camera and shakes his head back and forth unconvincingly)
• From the same review, we get his hesitation to say the word "girlfriend." It’s perhaps the only time he sounds genuinely stressed.
• "Well, motherf--!"
• In the "Simba's Destiny" level, Third Rate Gamer criticizes The Angry Video Game Nerd, saying all he talks about is shitting on things. Directly after that:
  Third Rate Gamer: Anyway, Mufasa^note actually a grown-up Simba has three attacks. He can jump on enemies, claw at the enemies, and shit on the enemies. (Photoshopped feces land on in-game enemies)
• When in the Cave Level and discussing how anything could come up and surprise you, an "appearance" by the Game Dude pops up suddenly:
  Game Dude: Barbie is one of those shitty games, lost in a river of shitty games...
  (Third Rate Gamer screams out in shock and "shoots" a hole in his face)
• After he wishes that the ending held more of a challenge:
  Timon: (in Microsoft Sam dub) Your wish is granted, bitch!
  (Scar begins to attack him)
  Third Rate Gamer: (in an annoyed tone of voice) Stop it! That's my spleen, buddy!
  • Which is then followed by the sound of a man laughing.

Cool Spot

• Early on, we have the player character being circled, with no less than six arrows pointing at it, all while the Gamer talks about how the game reminds him of Diablo because in both games, you control a character.
• The fact that the infamous "drowning theme" from Sonic the Hedgehog is heard as the bonus level ends and the goofy looks on his face as it does.
• This So Unfunny, It's Funny joke:
  Third Rate Gamer: You think that's bad? Remember the time I tried to go to space and use a credit card?
  (cuts to a crudely animated clip featuring the Third Rate Gamer and an alien)
  Third Rate Gamer: Do you take Discover?
  Alien: (makes some incomprehensible noises)
  (Beat, followed by a single person coughing)
  Third Rate Gamer: See? I told you my humor is just like Family Guy! (holds up a Family Guy DVD) I'm also like Penn & Teller: Bullshit! (while showing a picture of a DVD of the show), which is only available on HBO. (while showing a picture of the Showtime logo)
• After mastering a certain, famously-mispronounced word:
  Third Rate Gamer: I finally learned how to say the word "frustrating"! Anyways, another thing that makes this game so fustrating is this power-up here.
• He explains that talented enough gamers will get to a higher level, while briefly flashing the Game Genie on the screen.
• He calling 7-up a cola drink, while we can see it clearly says "Uncola" on the bottle.
• The ending credits, where he "sings" the theme song and everyone is credited as "Khriss Boarss."

Daze Before Christmas

• Him making his overall opinion of the game clear and umambiguous at the beginning:
  Third Rate Gamer: This game is awesome! But it's a piece of shit.
• He says unless you don't suck at the game like he does, you're going to die a lot. This leads to a "montage" of the same exact clip of him dying played over and over, with him exclaiming "Shit!" each time.

Super Mario Bros./Super Mario Bros. 2

• At the start, he tries reading some comments, only to find out that they're negative. He says, "Mommy! People on the Internet don't like my videos!" Immediately afterwards, it's shown that his mother has posted mean, poorly spelled responses to the criticism.
• The ridiculous faces he makes while trying to decide which game to play.
• "Super Mario Bros. 2 is a video game created by Nintendo for the Nintendo NES System System made by Nintendo." ^note For added hilarity, as he says this, he enters the door in the first level and just sits there. By the time he finishes, he's already dead.
• Upon noticing the vaguely phallic shape of the hills at the beginning of Super Mario Bros. 2, he calls it "nudity in a Nintendo game" and informs parents that "this game might not be appropriate for kids."
• Him noticing that something is off. It's the bomb, but he doesn't figure it out. At three times throughout the review, he gives us this line:
  Third Rate Gamer: (sniffs three times) What's that sound?
• His Running Gag of puffing his cheeks out in "anger."
• He goes over how the second game is a Dolled-Up Installment of Doki Doki Panic, and mentions this:
  Third Rate Gamer: After many hours of research, I found some rare footage you won't find anywhere else. So don't steal it from me! (slaps a watermark on the bottom right, accompanied by a fart sound)
• When he switches back to the original, he makes this joke again:
  Third Rate Gamer: Jumping gigabytes! Did you know they made a sequel that only came out in Japan? (watermark, accompanied by another fart)
• We get a quick peek at a third timeline... James Rolfe's video of Mario's Time Machine.
• Third Rate Gamer tells Offensive Stereotype to go away in the second timeline, while inviting him in in the first timeline. The latter then eventually appears in the second timeline to save him from the bomb, causing Billy to call out the Third Rate Gamer on it.
  Billy: He left in this timeline! It's the other timeline where he stays so he can save your life before your house explodes!
  Third Rate Gamer: This video's confusing! I should have been paying more attention...(puffs his cheeks out)
• Just the whole running gag of the bomb being lit. Not only is the set-up absurd (Why would the Third Rate Gamer have a bomb lying around his house to begin with? Why does he suddenly have fire powers? Why doesn't he realize that setting fire to something and then randomly throwing it is a terrible idea?! Why doesn't his house catch fire?), we see the same close-up shot of the bomb accompanied by the same scare chord^note Which happens to be the sound of when a Fatality is about to be committed in Mortal Kombat II a total of nine times throughout the review, and it eventually ends with the bomb exploding in a rather predictable manner in spite of all the build-up for it. We then see a newspaper with a headline saying "Third Rate Gamer Killed by Lame Special Effect."
  "This game sucks! It's a horrible disgrace to the source material, right James?" (Cue a freeze-framed cut-out of AVGN from his Action 52 review looking horrified as the "Uhh-duhh!" noise from his Wally Bear and the No! Gang review is heard, followed by Chirping Crickets.)
• TRG says that he'd like to see a video game based on The Catcher in the Rye, and shows a baseball player in a loaf of rye bread.
  Third Rate Gamer: Hey, catcher! Get out of that rye! (Rimshot)
• Before the review portion, TRG sends the Irate Gamer a private message (a real one, if you read his linked comment), which is almost identical to one sent to James Rolfe by IG. Keep in mind that the entire TRG show is a Take That! to IG at an earlier point. At the end of the video, it's revealed that IG apparently didn't figure this out, and responded to TRG's PM with "awesome." In the remaining few seconds of the video, we are then treated to the "Third Rate Gamer and Irate Gamer Dual Review!" with the Irate Gamer green-screened into footage of the Third Rate Gamer.

Chip 'n' Dale: Rescue Rangers

• The title card depicting him as Alvin and writing the title out as "Shit & Fail: Risky's Revenge".
• After saying that he was a huge fan of "Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers" ^note and he clarifies that by that, he meant that he "saw an episode or two like, twenty years ago" a minute earlier, he then expresses his annoyance about the game's title, specifically the "Rangers" in it, which he complains that the Power Rangers aren't even in the game... while displaying a picture of the VR Troopers instead.
  Third Rate Gamer: "Chip and Dale: Rescue Rangers"? The Power Rangers aren't even in this game! Didn't they test this name before they released it?
• And a moment later, he expresses confusion at the characters actually on the screen:
  Third Rate Gamer: "Chip" and "Dale"? I don't remember them from the cartoon! Why couldn't they include more popular Konami characters? Like Mario (shows picture of Fortran), or Luigi (shows an actual picture of Luigi), or Jaffar? (shows a picture of The Angry Video Game Nerd).
• "Get the fuck off my parents' property!"
• His complaint that the game doesn't support Wi-Fi or the Kinetic accessory (accompanied by a picture of the PlayStation Move controller). He reasons that the latter is probably because he doesn't "live in Connecticut".
• Upon attempting to scale a ledge normally too tall to jump over, he tries stacking blocks up then standing on top of them to give him more height... then says, "Ah, I give up" after succeeding in doing so.
• After claiming that the game can't be a children's game because of a "masturbation hand", he uses Chris-Chan's infamous "JULAYYY" scream.
• Then there's him plastering the (full color) game footage very poorly... over a Game Boy screen. While mashing buttons.
• His confusing the final boss's cigar with a marijuana joint and then offhandedly saying that he had to convince his Mom to beat the game for him.