"Tooms" while Mulder is trying to distract Tooms from going after another victim:
Mulder: I'm looking for my dog. His name is Heinrich. He's a Norwegian Elkhound. I use him to hunt moose!
Scully's ultimatum to Mulder in "The Erlenmeyer Flask":
Scully: I'm warning you — if this is monkey pee, Mulder, you're on your own.
From "Blood" poking fun at Frohike's crush on Scully:
Frohike: So, Mulder, where's your little partner?
Mulder:(deadpans) She wouldn't come. She's afraid of her love for you.
Frohike: She's tasty.
Mulder: You know, Frohike, it's men like you that give perversion a bad name.
From "Excelsis Dei" concerning Mulder's not-so-secret porn collection. Mulder walks into the office to find Scully watching a video.
Scully: Good morning.
Mulder (slightly panicked): Whatever tape you found in that VCR, it isn't mine.
Scully (amused): Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all those other videos that aren't yours.
Mulder and Scully questioning Hal Arden is a conversation full of hilarious moments, from Hal showing them his "plumbing" to him hitting on Scully and then telling Mulder he didn't mean to "step on [his] toes."
Ahem. "Die Hand Die Verletzt"
Mulder: There is a weird feel to this place. Maybe there's some truth to those rumors. Scully: I think he incited your imagination. I think this case is nothing more than a murderer taking advantage of local folklore. I mean, there's nothing odd about— (Scully is interrupted by a rain of toads) Mulder: So... lunch? Scully: Mulder! Toads just fell from the sky! Mulder: I guess their parachutes didn't open. You were saying something about this place not feeling odd?
The entire episode is blackly hilarious; horrible things happen, but they are so over-the-top that you can't help but laugh:
A school staff meeting. Today's items: athletic track to be closed to joggers after 8.30 pm, unsuitability of Jesus Christ Superstar for the school drama, Satanic prayer.
The sweet old biology teacher opens her desk drawer to reveal a human heart and two eyeballs, both neat and cleaned. Then she stores a pile of exams on top of them.
A man is eaten by a giant python.
Scully and Mulder are heading to arrest the staff when Mulder is hit across the head with a folding chair and a bookshelf falls on Scully. The teachers drag them away to the sacrifice, feet first.
Virtually all of "Humbug", but Scully eating the cricket takes the prize. Double so because, despite having the alternative of a more palatable, Gillian Anderson actually ate it. Though there are rumours that she just put it in her mouth and didn't eat it for real... We will never know.
"Humbug" was the first real comedy episode of the show, and still possibly the funniest of the whole run. A good one is when one of the circus-folk characters looks disgustedly at Mulder, who is unconsciously striking a catalogue pose in the background, and asks Scully, 'can you imagine going through your whole life looking like that?'
While checking into the motel, Mulder asks the manager, a little person, if he's worked in a circus. Insulted, the manager tries to make a point about stereotyping by performing a Sherlock Scan on Mulder, classifying him as someone who works for the government, probably FBI. At the end, Mulder says that he is an FBI agent.
Scully: So, we're supposed to arrest him for "assaulting a cellular phone"?
"Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose": The whole episode is absolutely hilarious, while also being a Tear Jerker and Nightmare Fuel. Quite an achievement, really. Concrete funny moments:
This exchange, when Mr Bruckman out-deadpans and out-snarks even Mulder:
Clyde Bruckman: You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can't think of a more undignified way than autoerotic asphyxiation. Mulder: Why are you telling me that? Clyde Bruckman: Look, forget I mentioned it. It's none of my business.
Bruckman's obsession with figuring out what kind of pie he sees Mulder stepping in before the killer gets him.
From "The List":
Mulder: Ok, but imagine if it was true, Scully. Imagine if you can come back [from the dead] and take out five people, who caused you to suffer. Who whould they be?
Scully: I only get five?
Mulder: I remembered your birthday this year, didn't I, Scully?
Mulder pouting to Scully in "Revelations" when she and Mulder are watching a young boy who is being hunted for displaying stigmata:
Mulder: You never draw my bath.
"The War of Coprophages":
"... The entomologist's name is 'Bambi'?" Scully is amused.
"You two look pooped." The local law enforcement guy is not very subtle in his jokes.
Mulder explaining to Scully how he hates bugs:
Mulder: I had a praying mantis epiphany and, as a result, I screamed. No, not... not a girly scream, but the scream of someone being confronted by some before unknown monster that had no right existing on the same planet I inhabited. Did you ever notice how a praying mantis' head resembles an alien's head? I mean, the mysteries of the natural world were revealed to me that day, but instead of being astounded, I was... repulsed. Scully: Mulder... are you sure it wasn't a girly scream?
Mulder picks on Scully after they both have been covered by manure:
Mulder: Scully, I never thought I'd say this, but you smell bad.
He sure smelled of roses or something.
The phone conversations between Mulder and Scully are all funny, but the Queequeg one is BY FAR the best.
"Syzygy" is full of funny moments.
This one in particular is a gem:
Scully: Why do you always have to drive? Because you're the guy? Because you're the big macho man? Mulder: No, I just wasn't sure your little feet could reach the pedals.
When she finally gets to drive... She has to pull the seat forward for reaching the pedals. (A Fandom Nod to a common bit of fan pedantry.)
"Sure. Fine. Whatever."
This classic exchange from "Pusher":
Mulder: He put the whammy on him! Scully: Please explain to me the scientific nature of "the whammy".
The look on Mulder's face when he reads out the name seals it.
Detective Bleepin' Manners, full stop.
Scully:(on the phone with Manners, to Mulder) He says he's found your bleeping dead alien.
"Hey, I didn't spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about courage."
And Mulder's "girly scream" upon seeing the alien body, still with a deadpan expression.
"The proper authorities showed up with a couple of men in black. One of them was disguised as a woman, but wasn't pulling it off. Like, her hair was red... but it was a little too red, you know. And the other one, the tall lanky one, his face was so blank and expressionless."
"I don't know which was more disturbing, his description of the inner core reincarnated souls sex orgy... or the fact that the whole thing was written in screenplay format."
The goofy UFO conspiracy theorist giving a somber, existentialist speech about what the future holds, concluding with a casual, offhand warning about "the lava men."
Most of "Quagmire" is a funny episode. Though the Queequeg in the car moment and the scenes with the locals stand out especially.
"Home" was a very weird episode overall, but there was one hilarious scene scene that stood out:
Mulder: Isn't there some way to get these pigs moving? Scully: Bah, ram, ewe. Bah, ram, ewe. I babysat my nephew this weekend. We watched Babe fifteen times a day. Mulder: And people call me Spooky...
Scully: Meanwhile, I've quit the FBI and have become a spokesperson for the ab-roller.
Mulder's delight over the town being like Mayberry with a sheriff named Andy Taylor. As they walk through the police station, the sheriff introduces them to his deputy:
Sheriff: And this is my deputy, Barney.
Deputy (exasperated): Pastor!
Another one from Home: Mulder's frowny face when he found a newspaper that says Elvis died at 42.
When Mulder and Scully discover that Edmund Peacock is the also the father of his two brothers, Mulder makes a pretty amusing snark.
Scully: The way I think it goes here is that Edmund is the brother and the father of the other two.
Mulder: Which means that when Edmund was a kid, he could ground the other two for playing with his things?
The Cigarette-Smoking Man's Forrest Gump speech from "Musings of a Cigarette-Smoking Man".
Cigarette-Smoking Man: "Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast and the taste is... fleeting. So, you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers."
CSM is revealed to be the reason the Bills keep losing the Super Bowl.
Despite being a fairly serious episode and casting Mulder as somewhat of an insensitive jerk, "Never Again" did have some pretty funny one-liners from Mulder:
Mulder:(Scully wants a desk, Mulder is trying to figure out how to fit it in their tiny office) We'll put 'em really close together, face to face... maybe we could play some BATTLESHIP!
Mulder (teasing Scully about her new tattoo): I was thinking of having an NY tattooed on my ass to commemorate the Yankees' World Series victory.
"Small Potatoes" is full of hilarious moments:
Eddie Van Blundht-as-Mulder, checking out Mulder's office and apartment.
Scully talking about how great it is that the bizarre corpse they found is "preserved and intact"... just as Mulder, unseen by her, breaks the tail off it. The Oh Crap look on his face is priceless.
Eddie Van Blundht Sr. asking if they want to see his tail. Mulder looks excited while Scully cannot say quickly enough, "No! No, thank you."
Amanda's dead-serious description of the father of her daughter: "His name's Luke Skywalker. He's what they call a Jedi Knight."
Blink-and-you'll-miss-it example: Eddie van Blundht's pet peeve? People misspelling his name, forgetting the silent H all the time. When Mulder and Scully come to his house, there are letters on the wall that read VAN BLUNDHT. As Mulder walks past it, the H falls off.
"The Unusual Suspects", the episode that provides an answer for how Mulder got involved with the Lone Gunmen (and how the Lone Gunmen formed), is full of hilarious moments. From Detective Munch being the one to interrogate the group to Beyers originally working for the FCC to Frohike and Langly competing against each other to sell devices to steal cable.
Frohike (to Langly): Me and the narc (Beyers)' have a proposition for you.
Langly: What proposition?
Frohike: The coolest hack in the world.
Langly: Say it. Say it.
Frohike (grudgingly): Your kung fu is the best.
Mulder threatens Scully:
Scully: I must remind you, this goes against the bureau's policy of male and female agents staying in the same motel room while on assignment. Mulder: Try any of that Tailhook crap on me, Scully, and I'll kick your ass.
When Mulder encourages Scully to "sing something to keep yourself awake," and she first panics a little because she "can't sing", but after Mulder eggs her on, finally she shyly begins: "... Jeremiah was a bullfrog..."
Scully: Mulder, you need to keep warm. Your body’s still in shock. Mulder: I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat was to crawl naked into a sleeping bag with some body else who’s already naked. Scully: Well, maybe if it rains sleeping bags, you’ll get lucky.
"Post-modern Prometheus" is a gem of an episode:
The scene after the teaser. Mulder is driving and Scully has just finished reading a letter from Mrs. Berkowitz which suggests that Mulder has become America's go-to guy for people who have encountered the paranormal.
Mulder: Scully, do you think it’s too soon to get my own 1-900 number? (Scully just rolls her eyes)
Mulder goes into the diner and everyone stares and smiles at him. He finds it a little strange. He looks humble but he also seems to enjoy the attention. Absolutely hilarious scene, accompanied by the episode's amazing score. This is later mirrored by an equally funny scene when Mulder enters the diner, smiles at the folks... and everybody is positively hostile towards him. The same great music keeps playing.
One scene in "Schizogeny" is very funny on two levels. It involves Mulder and Bobby the troubled teenager. When Booby asks who is Kennedy, Mulder doesn't respond to that. Not a single snark, just a confused "Am I getting old?" expression passes his face. So either some American kids are really this uneducated, or more likely, our dear Deadpan Snarker just got trolled.
Mulder:(looking at Bobby’s poster) "Ich bin ein Auslander." "I am an outsider." You know, when Kennedy told the Germans "Ich bin ein Berliner", he was actually saying "I am a cocktail sausage". Bobby: Who’s Kennedy?
A lot of entertaining stuff is going on in "Chinga" (i.e. the phone calls between Mulder and Scully) but the final scene in the office is really one crowning moment of funny. Mulder is obviously bored without Scully and plays with his pencils, carefully sharpening them, making a nice row of them and also throwing and sticking them into the ceiling. When Scully walks in the office, he is very charming in his attempts to hide it from her. She by the way pretends that she is rested after weekend off, spent with some guy Jack. When the pencils start falling down and hitting Mulder, it gets hysterical. In addition, the truth is that they both need each other and the mystery of the X-files, which adds the layer of heart-warming.
Mulder:(after being hit with a pencil) There’s got to be an explanation. Scully: Oh, I don’t know. I think some things are better left unexplained.
Scully's moment of Genre Savvy and Mulder's reaction are also pretty hilarious:
Mulder: Maybe you don't know what you're looking for.
Scully: Like evidence of conjury or the black arts or shamanism, divination, Wicca or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice. Charms, cards, familiars, bloodstones, or hex signs or any of the ritual tableaux associated with the occult, Santeria, Voudoun, Macumba, or any high or low magic?
Mulder:(in awe) Scully?
Mulder: Marry me.
Scully:(unimpressed) I was hoping for something a little more helpful.
"Kill Switch" has its moments. Just the fact that the CD-ROM that holds the kill switch to terminate the sentient computer system plays "Twilight Time" by the Platters is one of them.
Scully (to Mulder, who has taken a laptop from the crime scene): Mulder, that's evidence!
Mulder: Gee, I hope so.
The extremely deadpan snarking Invisigoth/Esther, who fascinates the Lone Gunmen on more than one level.
Frohike: She is so hot.
Esther: Are you going to take off the cuffs, or do I have to do this with my tongue?
Lone Gunmen: ...
Mulder (moving to remove the handcuffs): You don't want to take a vote.
Mulder's hallucination while being held hostage by the AI involves sexy nurses, but it quickly goes horribly wrong. Who saves him? Scully, naturally, who busts through the door and starts kicking blonde bimbo butt.
Most of "Bad Blood".
Mulder seeing the fake vampire teeth: "Oh sh—" Cue title sequence!
Scully recounting a drugged-out Mulder singing the theme to Shaft.
Mulder:I did not!
A drugged-out Mulder is about to become a snack for Ronnie Strickland, when he buys himself some time by hurling a bag of sunflower seeds across the room.
Mulder's attempts to fend off a group of vampires with a cross... made from a pair of breadsticks.
A flying squirrel jump:
Scully: You're saying that I actually hit him two times? Mulder: Square in the chest. No effect. Scully: And then he sort of flew at me like a flying squirrel? Mulder: Well, I don't think I'll use the phrase "flying squirrel" when I talk to Skinner, but... yeah, that's what happened.
The (un)lucky coroner:
Skinner:: The coroner's throat's been bitten. Mulder: The coroner's dead? Skinner: No, his throat was bitten. Sort of... gnawed on.
Scully is a bit surprised by this development.
Scully: But... he was dead. Mulder:[Smugly] I noticed that. Scully: With a stake through his heart. Mulder: I noticed that too.
While comparing stories, Mulder makes a point of mentioning the sheriff had "big buckteeth", which Scully of course contradicts. When they return to the little town and we find out the sheriff doesn't actually have buckteeth, Scully just looks at Mulder and taps her front teeth with her finger. When he called on this by Scully, Mulder sheepishly retorts that the sheriff "had a slight overbite". When we meet the sheriff again he does, in fact, have a slight overbite. Scully's memory wasn't entirely accurate either, it seems...
After being pestered all morning to admit to Skinner that he was drugged, and refusing adamantly to do so, the very first thing Mulder does upon seeing Skinner leave his office is jump up and blurt out "I was drugged!"
Scully: "Having completed the autopsy I checked into the Davey Crockett Motor Court." Mulder: "The name of it was actually the Sam Houston Motor Lodge." And the name of the place on screen is re-typed...
Luke Wilson was absolutely hilarious in his role of the vampire Sheriff Lucius Hartwell. Especially from Mulder's point of view. Scully's has its own merit too, though.
At the beginning, Mulder is trying — and failing — to write a report that satisfactorily explains this whole mess, and has been trying for several hours, judging by the crumpled up balls of paper surrounding his wastepaper basket. When his latest effort fails to go into the bin as well, Mulder gets up to apparently clean up the mess, only to suddenly explode and start kicking and stomping the shit of the bin instead. All the while Scully just watches incredulously.
From "The Pine Bluff Variant" as Mulder leaves to go undercover.
Mulder: If you don't hear from me by midnight...(dramatic pause) feed my fish.
"The End," dramatic though it is, has its moments.
Gibson (who is about ten): They get all the good TV shows here. Out where I live, in the Philippines, all we get is Baywatch. Mulder:What's wrong withBaywatch? * Beat* Gibson: You've got a dirty mind.
Fight the Future
From the first movie:
After Mulder was in a building with a large bomb:
Scully: I saw your face, Mulder. There was a definite moment of panic. Mulder: You've never seen me panic. When I panic, I make this face. (remains entirely deadpan)
Gets a Call Back later when Mulder is face-to-face with a bomb, on the phone with Scully:
Mulder: Remember that face I showed you, Scully? I'm making it again.
"I had you big time." First time, funny. Second time, heartwarming.
Quite a bit of "Triangle", though special mention has to go to Kersh's past!doppelganger, and his insistence that the ship is GOING TO JAMAICA! Also Skinner's counterpart, The Mole among the Nazis.
Skinner:(shoots the soldier pursuing Mulder and past!Scully) God bless America. Now get your asses out of here.
Scully asking Spender for a favor:
Scully: I want you to do me a favor. It's non-negotiable, either you do it or I kill you. Understood?
Mulder kissing Scully's doppleganger and her response. Mulder's reaction?
Mulder (smiling): I was expecting the left.
Poor Mulder's Love Confession being dismissed because Scully thinks he's high on pain meds:
Mulder: Hey, Scully?
Mulder: I love you.
Scully:(beat) Oh, brother. (walks away)
There are a lot of of funny moments from the episode "Dreamland":
Mulder just trying to be Morris Fletcher is pretty amusing.
Fletcher goes to Mulder's apartment and opens up his bedroom, which Mulder never uses (he sleeps on the couch in his living room) and Mulder's Porn Stash comes tumbling out.
Fletcher: This guy hasn't been laid in ten years.
Mulder trying to convince Scully the random Man in Black is really him:
Mulder: Look, your full name is Dana Katherine Scully. Your badge number is... hell, I don't know your badge number. Your mother's name is Margaret, your brother's name is Bill. He's in the Navy and he hates me. Lately you've been having for lunch, I dunno, this six ounce cup of yogurt, plain yogurt into which you stir some bee pollen because you're on some kind of bee pollen kick, even though I tell you you're a scientist and you really should know better. Scully: That information could've been gathered by anybody. Mulder: Even that yogurt thing?... That's so you. That's so Scully. The fact that you haven't changed is still somewhat comforting.
We have Scully's comment after she's finally caught wise to the MIB and Mulder finally having switched bodies. After having put up with Faux Mulder calling her "baby" a lot and trying to hit on her, she finally agrees to come to "Mulder's" apartment and plays along — only long enough to get a chance to handcuff him to the bed, pull a gun on him, and then growl, "'Baby' me one more time and you'll be PEEING THROUGH A CATHETER."
Even if you are not too great a fan of this episode, this phone conversation is pure gold:
Mulder: Yeah... he wants advice. Dating advice. Scully: Dating advice? From whom? Mulder: Yours truly. — Hello? Hey, Scully. Scully, you there? Scully: I heard you. Mulder, when was the last time you went on a date? Mulder: I will talk to you later. (he hangs up) Scully:(to herself)The blind leading the blind.
And the later conversation between Mulder and Holman:
Holman: I've been envious of men like you my whole life. Based on your physical bearing, I'd assumed you were... More experienced. I mean... You spend every day with agent Scully, a beautiful, enchanting woman. And you two never, uh...? (Mulder shakes his head) I... confess I find that shocking. I... I've seen how you two gaze at one another.
Mulder:(long pause) This is about you, Holman. I'm here to help you. I'm perfectly happy with my friendship with Agent Scully.
Holman: So according to your theory I walk in there, tell her I love her and the drought will end?
Shiela is overwhelmed by Holman's confession of love and as a result, the weather starts to go haywire. After a particularly loud thunderclap:
Mulder (to Scully): I'll build the ark, you gather the animals.
Scully:(rushes off after Shiela)
Mulder: I was kidding!
From "Tithonus": Scully is assigned to work on a case with another agent in New York. Naturally, Mulder is bored and a bit envious. He spies on their investigation and at one point, he calls Scully on her cell, disguising his voice as some nerdy type, as if he was calling to arrange a school re-union: "Hi. My name is Fox Mulder. We used to sit next to each other at the FBI." Very cute, very funny. Even Scully is amused.
Mulder and Scully go undercover as a newlywed couple. When they are finally left alone, following exchange takes place:
Scully:(takes off her coat rather suggestively) You ready? Mulder: Let's get it on, honey. Scully: Alright then. (hands him a rubber... glove to lift forensic evidence with)
Scully: Spontaneous human combustion. Mulder:(nearly breathless in disbelief, as if he was complimented in the sweetest way ever) Scully! Scully: Well, isn't that where you're going with this? Mulder: Dear Diary, today my heart leapt when Agent Scully suggested spontaneous human combustion. Scully: Mulder, there are one or two somewhat well-documented cases. (Mulder says nothing but he keeps nodding thoughtfully) Scully: Mulder, shut up. (Mulder gives Scully a somewhat confused look)
"The Unnatural" has some gems, contrasting with the very serious and tear-jerking moments.
The very flirty opening scene between Mulder and Scully that ends with a flurry of cliches and Mulder stealing Scully's non-fat toffuti rice dreamsicle.
Mulder going to Arthur Dales' apartment and finding a different Arthur Dales than he expected. This Dales tells him he's the other Arthur Dale's brother. Their parents weren't very creative in naming their children. They also had a sister and a fish named Arthur.
Arthur Dales finding out Exley is an alien and fainting multiple times.
As cringeworthy as "First Person Shooter" was, with its Totally Radical dialogue and... well, not "implications" so much as blatant assertion that men are all inherently violent, childish perverts, and as much as all this is doubly unforgivable because William Gibson should really know better, everyone admits the part at the end where Scully puts on futuristic battle armor and goes into the game to save Mulder is solid gold.
Byers: Scully's on fire! Langley: The blood thirst is unquenchable!
From "Chimera": After Mulder heads off to the mystery of the week alone and leaves Scully stuck on their stakeout, she gives him a cell phone message:
"Mulder, when you find me dead, my dessicated corpse propped up staring lifelessly through the telescope at drunken frat boys peeing and vomiting into the gutter, just know that my last thoughts were of you... and how I'd like to kill you."
Scully goes to Mulder's apartment to find him watching "Plan 9 From Outer Space." He claims it helps him think.
Scully: How many...
Scully: You've seen this move 42 times?
Scully: Doesn't that make you sad? That makes me sad.
The bubble bath scene:
Mulder: So, what are you up to right now, sir? Skinner: I'm takin' a bubble bath. Mulder: Uh, uh... hold on just one second, sir. (Switches to the other line) Hey Scully, Skin-Man is calling me from a BUBBLE BATH! Skinner: It's still me, Mulder.
Their expressions when they're watching the movie based on them are just priceless◊, especially Scully's.
In "Fight Club", Mulder being sucked by a manhole, complete with "Oh Crap".
In "Je Souhaite"...
Anson Stokes: I wish that I could turn invisible... at will. Genie: You're kidding. Anson Stokes: No, no. This is perfect. Yeah, I could have an advantage that nobody else on earth can have. I can, um, you know, spy and learn secret information, pick up stock tips. Genie: Sneak into a women's locker room. Anson Stokes: Not just that, okay?
One really wonders how the actors managed to keep straight faces during an exchange in the episode "Per Manum", when Scully is talking to Mulder about sperm donation:
Mulder: At that part, I'm a pro.
From "Three Words" when the Lone Gunmen finally see Mulder after he comes back from the dead.
Frohike: You know, it's really not fair. You've been dead for six months and you still look better than me. But not by much. '(They hug tightly, Mulder laughs softly)
Mulder: Melvin. I'd be a whole lot happier to see you if you'd just take your hands off my ass.
Frohike:(Embarrassed, he lets go) Sorry.
From "Empedocles." Mulder shows up at Scully's apartment and is slightly miffed that she was expecting someone else.
Scully (exasperated): Mulder!
Mulder (startled): What?
Scully: I was just about to get in the shower, but I was waiting for the pizza man.
Mulder: You got something going on with the pizza man I should know about?
Scully (confused): The pizza man?
Mulder: Correct me if I'm wrong, but you just said you were waiting for the pizza man to jump in the shower.
That scene is doubly funny because it's the first time in the series Scully has ever thrown an innuendo at him unprompted—usually it's Mulder with the suggestive comments.
When the pizza man does arrive:
Mulder (answering the door): Little Caesar, I presume? (Turns to squint suspiciously at Scully)
Scully: Hi. Just give it to the man with the funny look on his face.
At the end of "Alone," Leyla Harrison asks a question that the fandom wondered for years: how exactly did Mulder and Scully get back home from Antarctica in Fight the Future? That answer? We never hear it, because Mulder and Scully are too busy bickering over what actually happened.
There's a little one from Agent Doggett in this episode, too. Mulder and Scully come to the hospital to see Agent Harrison and they run into Doggett, who panics for a moment and automatically jumps to the conclusion that Scully has gone into labor.
Earlier in the episode, Scully and Mulder get ready to attend Lamaze.
Mulder: Hey. Ready to roll?
Scully: Yeah, let me just get my keys.
Mulder: Hey, don't forget this. (holds up a pillow) Relax the back, breathe in, breathe out.
Scully: How do you know all these things, Mulder?
Mulder: I'm unemployed. I've got a lot of time on my hands.(beat) Oprah, I watch a lot of Oprah.
Monica Reyes trying to emulate whale songs in "Existence" to put Scully in a relaxing mood for giving birth. The look on Scully's face is priceless.
The final scene of the episode, while Mulder and Scully are admiring the baby.
Mulder: What are you going to call him?
Scully: William, after your father. (Mulder is touched. They share an intimate look)
Mulder: I don't know. He's got your coloring and your eyes. But he looks suspiciously like Assistant Director Skinner. (Both Skinner and William are bald.)
Who can forget Rocky the Entomologist from "Lord of the Flies" and his vaguely disturbing pick-up lines? Poor Scully. This starts with a comment (from Rocky) about pheromones, and we end here:
Rocky: "Women's dormitory syndrome." It's believed that pheromones are the reason that women who live together share the same menstrual cycle.
Rocky: You know, when a male and female calliphorid fly mate they stay joined for up to one and a half hours. One and a half, doctor.
Scully: You know, Rocky ... I'm a mother.
Rocky: Mothers are women, too.
Rocky: Dr. Scully? This is so exciting. I've never had a partner before.
Scully: I have.
Rocky: I'd like to think of it as a hymenopteran relationship. Two scientists using their special knowledge reaching higher than either of them could ever reach alone. And if I may say so, doctor, you complete me.
Scully (annoyed): I got upstairs, you take down.
Basically any time when Mulder is flirting with Scully or hitting on her. Most of the time he just enjoys messing with her, but nevertheless UST it is.
Mulder comments Frohike's earlier remark: "I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you’re hot."
Mulder got turned on over the phone by discussing alien life: "Scully... what are you wearing?"
Scully guesses Mulder's theory and he's impressed: "Should we be picking out china patterns or what?"
Mulder climbs a tree and shouts: "Hey, Scully, is this demonstration of boyish agility turning you on at all?"
Scully vigorously names an impressive number of paranormal stuff that might help her crack a little off side project she's investigating. Mulder is bewitched and he just gasps: "Marry me!"
Many of those when they are undercover as a married couple in "Arcadia". For instance, Mulder taps on the bed and invites Scully to join him with: "Come on, Laura, you know... We're married now."
After Scully immediately identifies the model of the plane whose underwater wreckage they're looking at: "I just got very turned on."