Funny / The Goodies

  • Somebody died of laughter watching the episode "Kung Fu Kapers", this scene specifically.
    • Graeme and Tim practising their Kung Fu at the beginning is hysterical. Especially when Graeme does the 'nerve points' thing to Tim.
  • How To Make Babies By Doing Dirty Things. All of it.
    This is a man. And this isn't.
  • "Radio Goodies", after Graeme goes absolutely looney. Seeing The Smart Guy/Deadpan Snarker suit up in an Eyepatch of Power and Evil Overlord outfit, treat Tim and Bill as his henchmen, and crazily hiss about pirate post offices and towing Great Britain off to the equator is far more hilarious than it sounds. Or should be, for that matter.
    AND NOW... A Walk in the Black Forest.
    • After the Eyepatch of Power, it all goes uphill. But the cream has to be when he's trying to tow away Great Britain in a rowing boat (It Makes Sense in Context, uh, sort of):
      Bill: You've gone absolutely mad! You're a megalomaniac!
      Graeme: I'm not!
      Bill and Tim: [sing-songy] You're a mega~lo~man~i~ac! You're a mega~lo~man~i~ac!
      Graeme: [jumping up and down] I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT!
    • Then the boat starts sinking...
      Bill: Come on, we'd better save him!
      Tim: No!
      Bill: What?
      Tim: It's... Better this way.
      Bill: He's our friend!
      Tim: No, Bill. The friend we once knew has gone. That... Creature, out there sinking in the ocean, is something else. The hapless victim of his own terrible thirst for power. Let him go. He... would have wanted it... this way.
      Bill: No he bloody wouldn't!
      Tim: No he bloody wouldn't, come on, we have to save him!
    • After Graeme's futile efforts to stop the boat sinking, he goes down dramatically... only to pop up a moment later and splutter "I've changed my mind!"
    • The bit where Graeme and the others have a fight. One of them recites the Radio Goodies jingle and Graeme, as he's storming out, turns back and completes it before leaving.
    • The first signs that show Graeme's gone a bit loopy.
      Graeme: Good morning, men! How's it all going?
      Tim: Very badly... we need more staff.
      Graeme: Ah, well, don't worry about that — I've just ordered two million extra carrier pigeons and a thousand homing kangaroos.
      Bill: Kang... kangaroos?! What for?
      Graeme: Parcel post! (mimes putting a parcel in a pouch, skipping over to Tim and Bill)
    • The mobile post boxes.
  • The final showdown in "Bunfight at the OK Tearooms". All the more so when one learns that for the shot where Graeme shoots himself with the ketchup squirters and hurls himself to the ground, he padded his costume so as not to injure himself when he landed... only to hit the tarmac face first. According to Bill Oddie, "He had to be carted off, with blood and teeth all over the place... that's the sort of thing that made us laugh."
  • Their rendition of the song "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" It really shouldn't be that funny. It's an out-of-the-blue musical number, for Pete's sakes. But it is.
    Tim: (sings) Who wants to be a millionaire?
    Graeme: (sings) I do... DON'T!
  • "Saturday Night Grease". Graeme dressed as Olivia Newton-John will NEVER not be funny.
  • The Echo Scene From "The Goodies and the Beanstalk".
  • The Fairy Puff Man Advert, originally done on I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again in 1970.
  • The Captain Fishface advert from "It Might as Well Be String".
    • As well as the final act of the episode, in which Tim goes after "string magnates" Graeme and Bill in a bid to denounce the evils of string and gets caught on the wrong end of a series of parody ads. Although most of today's audiences will not recognise many of the adverts being parodied, it represents one of their better extended fast-paced slapstick sequences, culminating in an overflowing washing machine flooding the entire studio building with soap suds, which then cover the screen... until they are wiped away by the three Goodies, who then sit back with cups of tea and pass comment on the closing credits (which are being displayed in mirror image as though the audience is inside the television looking out).
      Bill: ... oh. I didn't understand that.
      Graeme: Surrealism.
      Bill: Suh-what?
      Tim: 'S a load of rubbish.
    • This also culminates a string (no pun intended) of parody adverts for Heinz Baked Beans. In these Tim would play a schoolboy who just won't say beans, much to the annoyance of the commercials' director (played by Graeme), who always came up with a new way to get rid of the kid.
  • The climax of "The Movies". The three rival films - Tim's Roman epic, Graeme's western, and Bill's silent comedy - all cross over until the proceedings fall into utter chaos... and utter hilarity. The special effects and creativity are still staggering even by today's standards, but special mention must go to one scene — Bill puts a movie in a film projector. There's a brief countdown, and then the movie starts, with Graeme stopping by to look. It's a simple scene of a car driving towards the camera. Graeme watches it in silence for a few seconds...and then catches on, diving out of the way right before the car drives through the wall. Bill's smug, triumphant grin as he walks off is priceless.
  • "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies" has some gems.
    • When we learn why they have ended up on the lighthouse in the first place:
      Graeme: I admit, it's my fault. I just misread the advert, that's all. I thought it said a little light housekeeping!
    • Then there's the Song of the Jolly Rock Lighthouse:
      Graeme: Oh the winds they do blow and the seas they do roar
      All: (dancing) When you're stuck on a lighthouse ten miles from the shore
      But you've heard of the Jolly Rock, of that I am sure
      Go there and your loved ones will see you no more
      Oh don't go to the Jolly Rock whatever you do
      I wouldn't go near it if I was you (they slowly stop dancing)
      Graeme: So away from the Jolly Rock I'd advise you to race
      Tim: It's utterly appalling and not at all nace (looks puzzled)
      Bill: Nasty things happen there, it's such a disgrace
      All: 'Cos people get killed there all over the place!
      Oh don't go to the Jolly Rock whatever you do
      I wouldn't go near it if I was you
      Tim: Oh ... the next verse is censored 'cos it's too horrible even to talk about! (walks off looking pale) I don't feel well!...
      Bill: Oh your blood will run cold and your heart fill with dread
      Graeme: 'Cos the Jolly Rock is filled with the souls of the dead (looks around, worried)
      Bill: If you stay there one night, you'll go clean off your head!?
      Bill, Graeme: And in no time at all you'll probably catch mumps... (spoken) Mumps??
      Tim: (face swollen with mumps) That doesn't even rhyme!
  • "The End", despite being a Bottle Episode, has some absolutely hilarious moments.
    • The scene where Tim and Bill get drunk is brilliant. Not only is Tim only semi-dressed (exposing his Union Jack Goofy Print Underwear), but they are both totally sloshed. Graeme, however is less than impressed by their behaviour, more worried about how when the Queen is going to arrive, the other two will get OB Es, but he is in trouble and so will get beheaded. But that doesn't stop Tim and Bill acting like complete idiots.
      Bill:(trying to burp) Won't come!
      Tim: Have another swig of this. That'll bring it up.
      Bill: (takes a swig) Oooh that's horrible! What is it?
      Tim: (grinning) "Turps! Turps for burps!" (sings with Bill) "Please release me, let me go!"
      (monster burp from Bill)
      Tim: (delighted) "Thar she blows! That's my boy! Nobody light a match!"
      • This exchange:
        Tim: (Referring to Bill) Pay no attention to him. He's pissed.
        Graeme: Has he?
        Tim: Yes.
    • Later on in the episode, we get this:
      Tim: We shall make a new world...a better world for our children.
      Bill: What d'you mean, childrenówe're not going to have any children, are we? I mean, think about it, y'know...face it, from now on we three are doomed to be bachelors gay! (puts his hand on Tim's shoulder while Graeme starts stroking his hair) That's, uh...that's an idea, innit?
      Tim: (thoughtful pause) ...No! Get off!
  • Numerous scenes from "The Goodies Rule - OK?", but special mention should go to the final act battle royale between the Goodies and the (literal) puppet government, climaxing with the trio being chased by giant versions of The Magic Roundabout's Dougal and Zebedee, the latter bouncing fifty feet into the air and booming "TIME FOR BED!!" as a battle cry.
  • The "Sing a Song of Flowers" sequence from "Hype Pressure". As with several other Goodies episodes, the cultural references have faded from the memory (the programme on which Bill and Graeme are performing (Superficial) is a parody of 1970s pop showcase Supersonic, and Tim is channelling its director, Mike Mansfield), but the chaos that ensues as Tim cues more and more special effects (beginning with showers of petals and building up to land mines) until Bill and Graeme are forced to flee for their lives is ageless and hilarious.
  • "Stonehenge, what a great waste of money that was. TWO THOUSAND YEARS IT'S BEEN THERE! Still doesn't fly."
  • The final act of "Scatty Safari":
    • As the plague of Rolf Harrises rages out of control, the Goodies try to take their mind off the situation by watching television.
      Announcer: And now, here is an urgent appeal to the nation by an anonymous Queen.
      HM Queen Elizabeth II: (sitting behind a desk, her face hidden in shadows) Good evening. (caption: THIS IS NOT ROLF HARRIS) I am sure that you are all well aware, as indeed my husband and I are also aware, that the whole country has been overrun by a plague of Rolf Harrises. My government and I have tried everything in our power to stop this plague spreading. But to be honest... we're flummoxed. And so, I am making this proclamation. (Tim stands to attention and motions Bill to join him; the Queen produces a ceremonial trumpet with a royal seal hanging from it and plays a fanfare) To whom- (coughs) To whomsoever can rid my land of this plague of Rolf Harrises, I will give the hand of my eldest son in marriage. (the Goodies look bewildered) Or, one thousand OBEs. (the Goodies suddenly look more interested)
      Tim: Say no more, Your Majesty! We shall do it! (he, Graeme, and Bill stand proudly)
      The Queen: ... who are you?
      Tim: The Goodies!
      The Queen: (disgusted) Oh, Gordon Bennett!... (the Goodies, especially Bill, look offended)
    • When the Goodies succeed with their Pied Digeridooist act, the Queen keeps her promise, with Tim marrying Prince Charles (shown in stock footage)note  and Graeme and Bill getting five hundred OBEs each.note 
  • "We put one gallon of economy petrol into this car, and then we set if off to see how far it would go." It turns out to be an advert for paper of all things.
  • Arthur C Clarke (Graeme), attempting to debunk various myths on camera, failing, and not noticing. The highlights are when an alien spaceship lands behind him and uses Stonehenge as a refueling station, when he puts an umbrella up in the middle of a rain of frogs, when he tries to lure out a yeti with his book, and when the Loch Ness Monster appears right behind his dinghy. On that note, his theory of what Nessie really is: "A common or garden rhinoceros, floating upside down in the water, holding a french loaf in its mouth, balancing a tortoise."