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The sort of lunacy that usually happens on this show.
  • Somebody died of laughter watching the episode "Kung Fu Kapers", this scene specifically.
  • How To Make Babies By Doing Dirty Things. All of it.
    This is a man. And this isn't.
  • "Radio Goodies", after Graeme goes absolutely looney. Seeing The Smart Guy/Deadpan Snarker suit up in an Eyepatch of Power and Evil Overlord outfit, treat Tim and Bill as his henchmen, and crazily hiss about pirate post offices and towing Great Britain off to the equator is far more hilarious than it sounds. Or should be, for that matter.
    • Graeme giving his New Era Speech.
      AND NOW... A Walk in the Black Forest.
    • After the Eyepatch of Power, it all goes uphill. But the cream has to be when he's trying to tow away Great Britain in a rowing boat (It Makes Sense in Context, uh, sort of):
      Bill: You've gone absolutely mad! You're a megalomaniac!
      Graeme: I'm not!
      Bill and Tim: [sing-songy] You're a mega~lo~man~i~ac! You're a mega~lo~man~i~ac!
      Graeme: [jumping up and down] I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT!
    • Then the boat starts sinking...
      Bill: Come on, we'd better save him!
      Tim: No!
      Bill: What?
      Tim: It's... Better this way.
      Bill: He's our friend!
      Tim: No, Bill. The friend we once knew has gone. That... Creature, out there sinking in the ocean, is something else. The hapless victim of his own terrible thirst for power. Let him go. He... would have wanted it... this way.
      (Beat)
      Bill: No he bloody wouldn't!
      Tim: No he bloody wouldn't, come on, we have to save him!
    • After Graeme's futile efforts to stop the boat sinking, he goes down dramatically... only to pop up a moment later and splutter "I've changed my mind!"
    • The bit where Graeme and the others have a fight. One of them recites the Radio Goodies jingle and Graeme, as he's storming out, turns back and completes it before leaving.
    • The first signs that show Graeme's gone a bit loopy.
      Graeme: Good morning, men! How's it all going?
      Tim: Very badly... we need more staff.
      Graeme: Ah, well, don't worry about that — I've just ordered two million extra carrier pigeons and a thousand homing kangaroos.
      Bill: Kang... kangaroos?! What for?
      Graeme: Parcel post! (mimes putting a parcel in a pouch, skipping over to Tim and Bill)
    • The mobile post boxes.
  • The final showdown in "Bunfight at the OK Tearooms". All the more so when one learns that for the shot where Graeme shoots himself with the ketchup squirters and hurls himself to the ground, he padded his costume so as not to injure himself when he landed... only to hit the tarmac face first. According to Bill Oddie, "He had to be carted off, with blood and teeth all over the place... that's the sort of thing that made us laugh."
  • Their rendition of the song "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" It really shouldn't be that funny. It's an out-of-the-blue musical number, for Pete's sakes. But it is.
    Tim: (sings) Who wants to be a millionaire?
    Graeme: (sings) I do... DON'T!
  • "Saturday Night Grease". Graeme dressed as Olivia Newton-John will NEVER not be funny.
  • The Echo Scene From "The Goodies and the Beanstalk".
  • The Fairy Puff Man Advert, originally done on I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again in 1970. "Gets right to the dirt of the waaa-aaaaaash... hey, kitten, those undies you're wearing are looking grey..." Given the formula for the proceedings, you can see where this is going.
    Naked Woman: Now what are you going to do?
    Tim: (After giving her a look) [Camply] I'm going to wash these clothes.
  • The Captain Fishface advert from "It Might as Well Be String".
    • As well as the final act of the episode, in which Tim goes after "string magnates" Graeme and Bill in a bid to denounce the evils of string and gets caught on the wrong end of a series of parody ads. Although most of today's audiences will not recognise many of the adverts being parodied, it represents one of their better extended fast-paced slapstick sequences, culminating in an overflowing washing machine flooding the entire studio building with soap suds, which then cover the screen... until they are wiped away by the three Goodies, who then sit back with cups of tea and pass comment on the closing credits (which are being displayed in mirror image as though the audience is inside the television looking out).
      Bill: ... oh. I didn't understand that.
      Graeme: Surrealism.
      Bill: Suh-what?
      Tim: 'S a load of rubbish.
    • This also culminates a string (no pun intended) of parody adverts for Heinz Baked Beans. In these Tim would play a schoolboy who just won't say beans, much to the annoyance of the commercials' director (played by Graeme), who always came up with a new way to get rid of the kid.
      • This doubles as an Actor Allusion - Tim had started his career as a child actor advertising Heinz Baked Beans!
  • The climax of "The Movies". The three rival films - Tim's Roman epic, Graeme's western, and Bill's silent comedy - all cross over until the proceedings fall into utter chaos... and utter hilarity. The special effects and creativity are still staggering even by today's standards, but special mention must go to one scene — Bill puts a movie in a film projector. There's a brief countdown, and then the movie starts, with Graeme stopping by to look. It's a simple scene of a car driving towards the camera. Graeme watches it in silence for a few seconds...and then catches on, diving out of the way right before the car drives through the wall. Bill's smug, triumphant grin as he walks off is priceless.
  • "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies" has some gems.
    • When we learn why they have ended up on the lighthouse in the first place:
      Graeme: I admit, it's my fault. I just misread the advert, that's all. I thought it said a little light housekeeping!
    • Then there's the Song of the Jolly Rock Lighthouse:
      Graeme: Oh the winds they do blow and the seas they do roar
      All: (dancing) When you're stuck on a lighthouse ten miles from the shore
      But you've heard of the Jolly Rock, of that I am sure
      Go there and your loved ones will see you no more
      Oh don't go to the Jolly Rock whatever you do
      I wouldn't go near it if I was you (they slowly stop dancing)
      Graeme: So away from the Jolly Rock I'd advise you to race
      Tim: It's utterly appalling and not at all nace (looks puzzled)
      Bill: Nasty things happen there, it's such a disgrace
      All: 'Cos people get killed there all over the place!
      Oh don't go to the Jolly Rock whatever you do
      I wouldn't go near it if I was you
      Tim: Oh ... the next verse is censored 'cos it's too horrible even to talk about! (walks off looking pale) I don't feel well!...
      Bill: Oh your blood will run cold and your heart fill with dread
      Graeme: 'Cos the Jolly Rock is filled with the souls of the dead (looks around, worried)
      Bill: If you stay there one night, you'll go clean off your head!?
      Bill, Graeme: And in no time at all you'll probably catch mumps... (spoken) Mumps??
      Tim: (face swollen with mumps) That doesn't even rhyme!
    • Graeme and Tim try to warn ships to not bump into the lighthouse. Graeme tries to use a foghorn, but it won't turn off, so he tries to break it, and he swallows the horn for it. When he tries to speak, he makes the foghorn noise. Tim thought this was a good idea, so he used Graeme to warn the ships with his foghorn voice, until he uses it all up, making a duck quacking like sound. Then Graeme takes a drink of water, returning to his normal voice.
  • "The End", despite being a Bottle Episode, has some absolutely hilarious moments.
    • The scene where Tim and Bill get drunk is brilliant. Not only is Tim only semi-dressed (exposing his Union Jack Goofy Print Underwear), but they are both totally sloshed. Graeme, however is less than impressed by their behaviour, more worried about how when the Queen is going to arrive, the other two will get OBEs, but he is in trouble and so will get beheaded. But that doesn't stop Tim and Bill acting like complete idiots.
      Bill:(trying to burp) Won't come!
      Tim: Have another swig of this. That'll bring it up.
      Bill: (takes a swig) Oooh that's horrible! What is it?
      Tim: (grinning) "Turps! Turps for burps!" (sings with Bill) "Please release me, let me go!"
      (monster burp from Bill)
      Tim: (delighted) "Thar she blows! That's my boy! Nobody light a match!"
      • This exchange:
        Tim: (Referring to Bill) Pay no attention to him. He's pissed.
        Graeme: Has he?
        Tim: Yes.
    • Later on in the episode, we get this:
      Tim: We shall make a new world...a better world for our children.
      Bill: What d'you mean, children—we're not going to have any children, are we? I mean, think about it, y'know...face it, from now on we three are doomed to be bachelors gay! (puts his hand on Tim's shoulder while Graeme starts stroking his hair) That's, uh...that's an idea, innit?
      Tim: (thoughtful pause) ...No! Get off!
      • Related to the above:
        Tim: But a man isn't a man unless he exercises his right to fatherhood!
        Bill: You can exercise it all you like, but you won't find much use for it here.
  • "The Goodies Rule - OK?" is 45 minutes of hilarity.
    • After having failed to make it as knock-off versions of (or, rather, knock-off precursors of) The Beatles, the Bachelors, and The Supremes, the Goodies are reduced to starving artists on Skid Row (London, E8); Tim and Bill walk past the similarly flat broke classical guitarist Andres Segovia, classical violinist Yehudi Menuhin, and sitar maestro Ravi Shankar... as well as two men in familiar-looking sleeveless pullovers, hankies on their heads, and glasses...
      Bill: Hullo John, hullo Eric!
      Gumbys: [groan in reply]
    • But Graeme has the solution: bring together elements of each of the big pop acts of the mid-1970s - Donny Osmond's teeth, the Bay City Rollers' flared trousers, Elton John's glasses, Kojak's hair (or lack thereof), Gary Glitter's chest (a Welcome mat), Alvin Stardust's black jewelled glove, Roy Wood's make-up, the Rubettes' giant cap, The Wombles' feet, and Lynsey de Paul's dressnote  - and they're sure to become musical successes! And so they do; at one of their sold out concerts, the police presence in the audience is so strong that only members of the police force are allowed in, so the Goodies perform a cover of The Troggs' "Wild Thing" in front of an audience of screaming, spliff-smoking coppers.
    • As the economy spirals downward, the Goodies are awarded OBEs at a Royal garden party.note  But as the other guests despair over the country's economic woes, a Gray Rain of Depression starts pouring, until the Goodies are forced to leave the grounds of Buckingham Palace by rowboat. However, the familiar pipe of Harold Wilson follows them like the periscope of a submarine, and Mr Wilson tells the Goodies that as they're the only organisation making any money, he's going to nationalise them (which means taking 90% of their income, while the rest is taken in tax) and tasks them with cheering up the country. So they compose the bounciest pop song ever written: "Bounce". And thus is born a new dance craze, with footage played forwards and backwards to make it look as though all manner of politicians (including Wilson and then-Leader of the Opposition Margaret Thatcher) are bouncing.note 
    • Unfortunately, the dance works too well, and soon everybody is too busy bouncing to do anything else (including Nationwide presenter Michael Barratt, appearing as himself), causing the government to collapse and a General Election to be called. Terry Wogan (also appearing as himself) acts as election correspondent, with the Goodies standing (or, rather, bouncing) as candidates for the Bouncing Party, while other candidates represent the Waltzing Party (popular with the older generation) and the Max Wall Party. But it is the Standing Party - who are literally standing for Parliament (as their candidates are all department store mannequins) - who are swept into power and outlaw all fun of any kind.
    • So the Goodies take to the forests on their trandem, dressed in their best Lincoln green, as "fun outlaws", putting on comically bad variety shows to entertain a public who are no longer allowed to enjoy themselves. They arrive outside a stereotypical mediaeval cottage; throughout, the husband desperately tries to stop his wife from laughing at the Goodies' antics and thus bringing down the wrath of the government's armoured anti-fun enforcers.
      • An attempt to have Graeme lie on his back and spin a 55-gallon drum in the air with his feet goes badly when Tim lobs the drum up into the air... and straight onto Graeme's face, knocking him unconscious.
      • Bill, dressed in a stereotypical Romani costume, wheels out a barrel organ and starts turning the crank while Tim, in a similar costume, does a quick dance, then shoves Bill aside and tries to turn the crank himself. But it keeps getting stuck... and when Tim finally does turn the crank successfully, the barrel organ roars into life as if it were an old car and runs him over.
      • Graeme stands in front of a target for a knife-throwing act by Bill... but the increasingly unhinged Bill eventually starts throwing axes and spears, then opens fire with a machine gun and a bazooka, leading Graeme to wave a white flag as he cowers among the wreckage of what was once the target.
      • Next, Graeme, with the reluctant assistance of Tim in a jester costume, does the "Sawing a person in half" trick... but he ends up re-attaching Tim's lower half back-to-front, causing him to walk off backwards. At this point, the husband has to resort to taping his laughing wife's mouth shut.
      • Graeme tries putting on a balloon animal demonstration, but every balloon he picks up either bursts or deflates. When he tries blowing up new balloons, they keep snapping back and hitting him in the face, so that he eventually gives up and knocks over the table of balloons in disgust. Meanwhile, the husband is now tying up his still laughing wife.
      • In a Call-Back, Bill jumps out with an electric guitar and launches into "Wild Thing"... causing a groupie police officer to run up to him and start pawing at his clothes. An alarmed Tim and Graeme rush forward and pull the policeman away as Bill makes a hasty exit. Meanwhile, the husband has now put a bag over his wife's head.
      • And finally, in a parody of typical variety show finales, Graeme puts his magician costume back on, makes Tim and Bill and three dancing girls appear out of thin air, and then they all wave to the audience as the "stage" (i.e., patch of ground on which they are standing) rotates so that everyone can wave goodbye to every member of the audience. The Goodies ride off on their trandem... at which point the husband can't help laughing at how silly his wife looks Bound and Gagged and with a bag over her head, prompting one of the government's enforcers to run up to him and start beating him senseless.
    • In a parody of Prohibition, an underground movement of comedians meets in "joke-easies", plotting to overthrow the Standing Party as they gather together entertainers who have had to go into hiding. The Goodies proceed to bait various entertainers into revealing themselves so they can be captured to join their movement. They successfully grab (body doubles of) Tommy Cooper (now a traffic warden), Ken Dodd (now using his feather duster to sweep the streets), and Rolf Harris (now a house painter; in a nod to "Jake the Peg", he has three feet sticking out of the car window after being abducted)... but they draw the line at Tony Blackburn (appearing as himself) and drive off, leaving him to weep by the side of the road.
    • But unfortunately, although the government is toppled (as in, the mannequins are knocked over), the entertainers have been underground for so long that none of them remember how to do their acts anymore (thus allowing Graeme to show off his impersonations of the people involved). Tommy Cooper now has a squeaky high-pitched voice, Liverpool native Ken Dodd has a dim-witted Cockney voice, the very Northern Eddie Waring (appearing as himself) has an RP accent (which makes him far easier to understand than he usually is), native Aussie Rolf Harris has a Scottish accent, Jimmy Savile doesn't actually speak, Telly Savalas as Kojak has a camp, effeminate voice, Patrick Moore and Sue Lawley (also appearing as themselves) speak with each other's voices, and Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise are also silent. They seem to be making progress as Eddie Waring's real voice is heard... coming from Patrick Moore.
    • The entertainers have been voted in, so as a stopgap measure, a literal puppet government is installed... as in, Sooty and Sweep become Prime Minister and Home Secretary, while a Clanger is a front-bencher. The puppets quickly become impossible to control, so the Goodies go to Chequers to plead with them to behave themselves, setting up a hysterical final act battle royale.
      • At first, the various hand puppets attack Tim, Graeme, and Bill in an example of When Props Attack, with Hector from Hector's House attacking Tim while Sooty and Sweep double team Graeme and Bill is knocked out by Punch. Bill eventually recovers and tries to fend off Tim and Graeme's attackers with an ash spade, but they jump out of the way and Bill hits Tim and Graeme instead, earning a Dope Slap barrage for his trouble.
      • The Goodies flee the building, but Pinky and Perky see them leave and yell "Not so fast!" before raising the alarm; the Goodies soon find their path blocked by twelve-foot tall versions of Andy Pandy, Looby Loo, and Teddy (accompanied by a snippet of their theme song). They hide behind a hedge, where Tim hatches a plan - he puts make-up on his, Bill's, and Graeme's faces to make them look like puppets, and then they walk past while moving as if controlled by strings... but Graeme's obvious reluctance causes Andy to stop him and move his hand over his head, revealing the lack of strings. A frustrated Graeme promptly punches Andy in the stomach, and in the ensuing brawl, the giant puppets' strings become hopelessly tangled with each other, allowing Graeme to escape.
      • Meanwhile, Tim is grabbed by a giant green puppet (possibly intended to be Oscar the Grouch, but the resemblance is slight) and pulled into a rubbish skip. We hear sounds of munching and a belch come from within... and Tim emerges with a bit of green felt at the edge of his mouth.
      • Tim and Graeme are soon re-united, but they hear a familiar burbling as six-foot tall versions of Bill & Ben, The Flowerpot Men (accompanied by their theme song) grab two swords from what looks like an ornamental heraldic shield and start attacking the two Goodies. Tim and Graeme grab swords of their own and soon get the better of Bill and Ben by cutting their strings and then cutting off their arms and legs.
      • As for Bill (Oddie, not the Flowerpot Man), he is chased out of his hiding place when Ben stabs him in the backside; as he runs through the gardens, he is set upon by four of The Wombles (accompanied by their theme song) - Great Uncle Bulgaria, Bungo, Wellington, and Tomsk - in a nod to the pop chart rivalry Mike Batt's songs for said characters "enjoyed" with Bill's songs for the Goodies themselves. At one point, Bill and Bungo start bashing each other with electric guitars.
      • Just when it looks as though Bill has given the Wombles the slip and re-united with Tim and Graeme, the theme music from The Magic Roundabout plays as a thirty-foot long Dougal starts bearing down on them.note  He is soon joined by a twenty-foot tall Zebedee, who bounds through the air while booming "TIME FOR BED!!" as a battle cry. After Tim has been "run over" by Dougal and Zebedee almost spears him between the legs, Graeme grabs onto the side of Dougal and is spun around (accompanied by a few measures of the waltz from Carousel) before being launched into a pond. Bill tries hiding up a tree, but Zebedee keeps jumping towards him and finally knocks him onto his giant head. Bill finally falls to the ground, and he, Tim, and Graeme are able to lure Dougal and Zebedee back to the main house, where they completely demolish the entire building by charging through it in search of the Goodies (who are hiding in a cellar).
    • In the aftermath, Corbett Woodall (appearing as himself, though with Sue Lawley's voice at first) reports that the Labour, Conservative, and Liberal Parties have agreed to share power temporarily following the toppling of the puppet government... but Harold Wilson, Margaret Thatcher, and Liberal leader Jeremy Thorpe are revealed to be puppets controlled by Tim, Graeme, and Bill as the credits roll. And at the end of the credits, the Goodies are likewise revealed to be puppets controlled by series producer Jim Franklin.
  • The "Sing a Song of Flowers" sequence from "Hype Pressure". As with several other Goodies episodes, the cultural references have faded from the memory (the programme on which Bill and Graeme are performing (Superficial) is a parody of 1970s pop showcase Supersonic, and Tim is channelling its director, Mike Mansfield), but the chaos that ensues as Tim cues more and more special effects (beginning with showers of petals and building up to land mines) until Bill and Graeme are forced to flee for their lives is ageless and hilarious.
  • "Stonehenge, what a great waste of money that was. TWO THOUSAND YEARS IT'S BEEN THERE! Still doesn't fly."
  • The final act of "Scatty Safari":
    • As the plague of Rolf Harrises rages out of control, the Goodies try to take their mind off the situation by watching television.
      Announcer: And now, here is an urgent appeal to the nation by an anonymous Queen.
      HM Queen Elizabeth II: (sitting behind a desk, her face hidden in shadows) Good evening. (caption: THIS IS NOT ROLF HARRIS) I am sure that you are all well aware, as indeed my husband and I are also aware, that the whole country has been overrun by a plague of Rolf Harrises. My government and I have tried everything in our power to stop this plague spreading. But to be honest... we're flummoxed. And so, I am making this proclamation. (Tim stands to attention and motions Bill to join him; the Queen produces a ceremonial trumpet with a royal seal hanging from it and plays a fanfare) To whom- (coughs) To whomsoever can rid my land of this plague of Rolf Harrises, I will give the hand of my eldest son in marriage. (the Goodies look bewildered) Or, one thousand OBEs. (the Goodies suddenly look more interested)
      Tim: Say no more, Your Majesty! We shall do it! (he, Graeme, and Bill stand proudly)
      The Queen: ... who are you?
      Tim: The Goodies!
      The Queen: (disgusted) Oh, Gordon Bennett!... (the Goodies, especially Bill, look offended)
    • When the Goodies succeed with their Pied Digeridooist act, the Queen keeps her promise, with Tim marrying Prince Charles (shown in stock footage)note  and Graeme and Bill getting five hundred OBEs each.note 
  • "We put one gallon of economy petrol into this car, and then we set if off to see how far it would go." (It turns out to be an advert for paper of all things.)
  • Arthur C Clarke (Graeme), attempting to debunk various myths on camera, failing, and not noticing. The highlights are when an alien spaceship lands behind him and uses Stonehenge as a refueling station, when he puts an umbrella up in the middle of a rain of frogs, when he tries to lure out a yeti with his book, and when the Loch Ness Monster appears right behind his dinghy. On that note, his theory of what Nessie really is: "A common or garden rhinoceros, floating upside down in the water, holding a french loaf in its mouth, balancing a tortoise."
  • The gymnasium sketch, as compiled into "A Collection of Goodies", sees the trio at their slapstick best.
    • Graeme picks up a pair of juggling clubs and twirls them around to loosen his arm muscles. Bill runs up to a second pair of clubs next to Graeme, but the oblivious Graeme repeatedly bonks him on the head with his clubs. Bill is finally able to get his clubs and attempt to return fire - until he and Graeme notice the clubs make maraca-like sounds when shaken. So they dance off together, shaking their "maracas".
    • Two sketches involve Graeme dropping a heavy-looking medicine ball on his colleagues.
      • First, Tim is lying on a table and invites Graeme to drop the ball on his chest. It goes straight through, and Tim doesn't take kindly to Graeme trying to retrieve the ball through the hole in his abdomen - or sticking his head up through the hole seconds later.
      • Second, Bill is doing sit-up-like exercises until his body and legs get stuck at right angles to each other. He calls Graeme for help, but Graeme is unable to push his body and legs apart. Finally, he flips Bill over, so that his backside is sticking straight up, then drops the medicine ball on it. It shatters like glass (complete with sound effect).
    • The gym fixtures seem to have it in for the trio. Tim tries grabbing a set of gymnastics rings, only for the cords to elongate and dump him back on the floor. Graeme has worse luck when he tries pulling on a pair of spring expanders and is catapulted back and forth through the wall. And when Bill tries climbing the wooden ladders on the wall, he loses his footing but not his grip and ends up with arms ten feet long.
    • Tim and Bill also have differing fortunes when they try to climb the gym's ropes. Tim's rope initially plays a phrase from the Westminster chimes; he grins ear to ear and pulls on the rope again, hoping to sound the hour... only for the bell to fall from the ceiling and completely envelope him. As for Bill, he climbs to the top of his rope - and discovers it isn't tied to anything. The Oh, Crap! look he gives the camera before he falls to the floor would do Wile E. Coyote proud.
    • The longest sketch involves the trio setting up a wooden gymnastics horse.
      • As they put the wooden horse into place, they hear knocking coming from inside. They lift off the top layer... and a long parade of British PoWs with picks and spades climb out, shaking the Goodies' hands as they hand over the tools. When the last PoW leaves, the Goodies hear more knocking, remove the top again, and quickly replace it when a Wehrmacht officer with a revolver appears in pursuit of the PoWs.note 
      • Tim's attempt to jump over the horse goes badly when the springboard catapults him through a high window, while Bill ends up upside-down in a basketball hoop. So Graeme instructs his colleagues to remove the bottom layers one at a time (but not before they remove the top layer and find the Wehrmacht officer still inside) until only the top layer is left. He runs up to it... and trips over it, falling flat on his face.
    • Finally, Tim tries to mount a pommel horse... which begins bucking and neighing like a real horse. A watching Bill finally produces a shotgun and puts the pommel horse out of its misery.
  • The Goodies re-united in 1988 for a (very) brief appearance on Comic Relief, and skewered their apparent persona non grata status with the BBC higher-ups. The hijinks start with their wardrobes: Tim is dressed in a jersey and trousers more Bill's style, Bill is dressed in a suit and tie more appropriate for Graeme, and Graeme is wearing a suit over Tim's signature Union Jack waistcoat.
    Tim: Good evening, I'm Tim Brooke-Taylor. I... [Bill and Graeme get "What about us?" looks] Oh, sorry. And, er, Graeme, and, erm... [long pause; Bill looks suitably offended] Well, we've been invited to come and perform here tonight by the very, very, very young producers of Comic Relief. [indicates letter in his hand] And here's the actual letter of invitation.
    Graeme: [holds up letter] Well, this is my letter.
    Bill: [fishes letter out of his jacket pocket] Yes, er, er, this is my letter.
    Tim: Well, they're all the same, aren't they. [as Bill puts on his reading glasses] Anyway, we thought you might want to, sort of, hear the content of the letter, it begins, "Dear Tim".
    Bill: Or "Bill".
    Tim: Or "Bill", or "Graeme".
    Graeme: Spelt wrong.
    Tim: Yes, spelt wrong. "In preparing our star-studded bill of wit, humour, fun, and frolic, it has been suggested that we include something by the Goodies... to provide a bit of contrast." [his expression goes from happy to offended]
    Bill: "We are very much aware that people remember the Goodies with the same nostalgic affection that they remember ration books, hula hoops, and Wolverhampton Wanderers."
    Graeme: "We are also aware, of course, that today, one of you is a doctor, one of you is a birdwatcher, and one of you has left the entertainment business entirely." [Tim looks near tears] "We've been told you also had a hit record, called 'The Funky... Gilbert.'" [furrows brow] "And we thought you might like to re-create that."
    Bill: "So, we got it out of the archives and played it. And then we thought perhaps you wouldn't like to re-create it after all." [smiles thinly] "But don't worry, it's for charity, so it doesn't have to be very good." [he half-crumples up the letter and shoves it back in his pocket while Tim and Graeme hurl theirs aside]
    Graeme: Oh, well, thank you very much...
    Bill: Yes, terrific.
    Tim: [as he, Graeme, and Bill stand up] Right, here is...
    Bill: "The Funky Gibbon"! And a-one, two, three, four...
    All three: [clapping and doing the appropriate motions] "Do, do, do, the Funky-" [smash cut to black]
  • Graeme has shot his two friends into space in a rocket and they're not happy. Tim suggests they call the fire brigade to get them down. Bill asks how they're supposed to make a telephone call in space whereupon the TARDIS goes past.
  • "Kitten Kong" includes some of the funniest scenes in the show, but special mention goes to the park scene where Tim is pulled around by Twinkle the kitten on a lead.
    • Poor Tim is rapidly pulled along the green and is unable to stop the white furball. Such humiliations include falling over on his front while still being pulled,note  tearing up a fence and tangling it on him until it suddenly wraps around a tree, getting pulled up a slide and through a roundabout, and finally smacking face-first into another tree as Twinkle escapes up it.
    • Attempts to get him back down fail at first as Tim tries throwing a stick which the kitten returns in a much bigger form, and when Bill and Graeme arrive to help it doesn't improve too much. Finally a simple ladder allows Tim to get the kitten back and hand him to Graeme... whereupon he and Bill leave with both the kitten and the ladder, whilst Tim is left stuck up said tree for four days.
  • The seamless transition in "Punky Business" where Tim asks Graeme for a punk makeover so he can go to the Trend-setters Ball and it turns into a pantomime Cinderella parody.
    Bill: You can't go to the ball, you're too pretty!
    Tim: (sobs) Don't say that!
    Bill: (speaking pompously like an Ugly Stepsister) Well you are, look at you! Pretty pretty pretty! Only us ugly folk can go to the ball, and you have got to stay at home and do the housework! There's plenty to keep you busy isn't there? So be off with you child! Meanwhile I shall swan off and do myself up for the ball. Farewell, my pretty one! [laughs nefariously before attempting to leave, only the giant safety pin through his ears catches in the doorway]
    [cuts to Tim back in the office sweeping the floor wearing a raggy dress over his normal clothes]
  • In "Royal Command", only the Goodies can turn something as solemn as a coronation into a Wacky Races style chase, complete with exciting racing commentary as Queen Tim, Princess Graeme and Prince Bill attempt to get away with the crown on horseback (also at times Princessback, Queenback and Archbishopback), with the actual royal family in hot pursuit.
  • In the final episode, Graeme has started a pet-selling business, which hasn't been working, so he switches to selling people, which sort of works. Though this still leaves him with a lot of animals and no way to get rid of them... at first, resulting in a horrified Tim having an I Ate WHAT?! moment.
    Tim: "Hamster burgers"? I thought these were just horrible names!
    Graeme: (casually) No. Trade Descriptions Act.
    • Never one to give up, Graeme starts a people farm. The 'cows' don't take learning what's in for them well, but Graeme tries (unsuccessfully) to sway them.
      Graeme: You'll all be rich! ... slightly dead, but rich!
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