"I! DROPPED THE SCREW! IN THE TUNA! IT WAS ME! Oh, the humanity!"
The scene starts off funny but goes on for so long it loops back around to being hilarious. Special mention has to go to Kel being so distraught with guilt that he ends up staggering around the courtroom on the arches of his feet. He even hoists himself into the judge's booth just so he can scream in her face.
At one point, the head of the tuna corporation and his lawyer share conspiratorial smiles realizing Kel just won them the case. But the longer Kel's dramatics go on, even they are seen quickly freaked out.
Also in "Tainting of the Screw", Kel distracts Kenan while rehearsing for his testimony by saying the monkey and tiger set up as part of an imaginary jury (using Kyra's stuffed dolls) shouldn't be so close together. Kenan shoves the monkey in a drawer.
Kenan: There! No more monkey! Kel: That's jury tampering! Kenan: HUSH!
Kel imagines what he would do with his share of the money: buy a year-supply of ham.
Kenan: You're sick, man. Kel:(all giddy) I enjoy ham.
Kenan: I read a story about a woman who went into a fast food restaurant and found half a frog on her fried chicken. Kel: Ooh, what was the other half? Chris: Try not to speak.
Kenan: You know any lawyer we can call? Chris: Sure, my cousin's a lawyer. Kel: My cousin's in a circus. Kenan: So?
Kenan: I know someone who'll handle it for free. Kel: My cousin from the circus? Kenan: No, man. Me!
While Kenan types getting word about his choking, Kel was wearing a creepy mask, scaring Kenan. Later, Kel took the mask off, scaring Kenan again.
The ending to "Mental Kel-Epathy", in which Kel (pretending to be psychic) takes part of a test set up by a talk show. He had to press a button to turn on a green light, the other buttons though sends a nasty buzzing sound to headphones worn by the Rockmores & "Ezekiel" (actually Chris in disguise). Naturally he screws up and in the end he admits he's a fraud.
Kenan: You just a child? Here I come, I'm gonna get you for messing up my- (Kel pressed the button that sends a buzz in Kenan's headphones) -Ow, plan! (Kel pressed the button again) You're supposed to be my boy! (Kel pressed the button again) This could've worked! (Kel rapidly pressed the button) OW! OW! I'm gonna beat ya-OW! (Kel pressed almost every button) Daddy, he's hurting me.
"Mo' Sweater Blues" in its entirety.
In "Dial O for Oops":
Kenan: You'll be Amy. Kel: And who'll you be? Kenan: ME! I'll be me!
While Kel acts all girly and in front of a mirror, pretending to put on make up and firming his "breasts".
Kenan didn't hang up well, and the Dawsons' answering machine recorded everything Kenan and Kel said about Mr. Dawson, which is what Roger said.
Kenan: Stop saying my name. Kel: Why Kenan?
Kenan: I'm sorry! Oh forgive me! Please don't fire my daddy! This isn't even Kenan. This is... [with accent] Fernando. Fernando Monteban. I don't know nobody named Kenan. I... [loses accent] oh! [hangs up] Kel: Smoooth.
"Kenan, I don't wanna go to Alaska! Can we just stay here in America?"
The scene in "Diamonds Are For Roger" when the duo watch an America's Most Wanted-style show that asks viewers for help identifying or locating criminals, tonight featuring a serial jewel thief known only as "the Diamond Bandit":
The show shows security cam footage of the Diamond Bandit's last robbery
Kel:(amused) Hey, Kenan, the Diamond bandit looks a little like your daddy.
The show zooms-in and freeze-frames on a clear shot of the Bandit's face
Kel:(slightly weirded out) The Diamond Bandit looks a lot like your daddy...
The show shows a sketch artist's drawing of the bandit
Kel:(completely freaking out) THE DIAMOND BANDIT IS YOUR DADDY!!!
In "Merry Christmas, Kenan", by all accounts, the Tubaphone. Because remember, it's not just a tuba... IT'S A PHONE!!!!
When Kenan takes over as the Mall Santa (with Kel as his elf) and has his first kid:
Kenan: And what can Santa bring you for Christmas this year? Kid:I want a Tubaphone! Kel: Yeah, good call! (gives the kid a high five)
The beginning in which Kel tries to put the star on top of the tree, which accidentally falls on Roger.
Roger: "No, no, no. I always put the star on top the tree. That's my job, every Christmas — Aaahhh!"
Chris, an even bigger Butt-Monkey than Roger, tries to get into the spirit of the season by installing a dancing robotic Santa Claus in Rigby's. As he tries to set it up, he somehow gets tangled in Santa's arms, and the dance moves quickly begin pummeling him repeatedly. Throughout the episode, people keep dropping by the store, and Chris is still getting beat up. They either ignore him or, in one case, form a crowd to cheer for Santa (an old woman shouts "KICK HIS RUMP!"). No one ever thinks to help Chris at all.
In a Shout-Out to Miracle on 34th Street, Kenan, as a department store Santa, bonds with a little girl who does not speak English. In the original film, the child was a Dutch actress who spoke genuine Dutch, as did Edmund Gwynn; the remake had the girl be Deaf instead, with Richard Attenborough communicating with her through sign language. In this episode, though, Kenan and the girl just talk absolutely nonsensical gibberish, and yet somehow completely understand each other. Even better is the fact that Kenan's "language" skills are never mentioned before or after this moment, and when it's over, everyone moves on without comment.
"Doing Things The Heming-way" has Kenan trying to declare his love for his classmate Brianna, but in hanging the sign up on the Sears Tower, it partially gets ripped, leaving it saying "Kenan ❤️ Brian". It then comes back at the end of the episode when the duo are apprached by a big, burly guy named Brian.
Also, when they are being rescued via a helicopter with a rope ladder, they flip a coin over who goes first...which naturally falls off the large skyscraper. Kel, insistent that it landed on his tails, jumps on the ladder as Kenan tries to yank him off, only for him to accidentally pull off his pants, shoes, and Goofy Print Underwear. We then hear an offscreen Kel cry out, "It's cold!" and Kenan grossed out by his friend's appearance.
Season 2
When the clown at Rigby's finishes taking all the money from the register:
Kel: (laughing) Look Kenan! He's running away! Kenan: (laughing) And with all the money! Yep! A-a-And we're still tied up! (they both stop laughing, long pause) Kel: He- he's never coming back is he? Kenan: Umm, no. Both: "We, we, we, we... WE'VE BEEN ROBBED BY A CLOWN!!!"
"If you can't trust a clown, who can you trust?"
The police ask Kenan and Kel if the robber had any particularly distinguishing marks. "He had a white face, big floppy shoes, purple hair, and a big red nose."
Kenan and Kel are trying to stop the clown from leaving so the police to arrive. Kenan blocks the front door, and...
Kel: "YOU'LL NEVER MAKE THE CIRCUS, PALEFACE!" *tackles the clown, followed by Kenan, and the rest of the kids at the party*
In "Ditch Day Afternoon":
Kenan: Did George Washington quit when his, uh... cherry tree... got kidnapped and taken to uh... New Zealand? Kel: New Zealand?
The messenger Kenan hired is watching the news about the robbery in Spanish class.
Messenger: WHOA! Hostages almost rhymes with sausages! Ms. Kaso: Why are you still here?
The robbers can't stand Kenan anymore and decide to give up.
White robber: You scare me! Black robber: Later!
Roger fainted after learning Kenan and Kel are the "heroes" at the hostage crisis.
In "Get the Kel Outta Here", Kyra made Kel's head for a school project as a "national treasure".
Sheryl: I think you need therapy. (gives Kyra a hug) Kyra: Ow!
Kenan: What are they teaching you, nasty freak monsters? (Kel laughs) Kyra: This head happens to look exactly like Kel! Kenan: Like I said, what are they teaching you, nasty freak monsters? (Kenan, Kel, and Sheryl laugh) Kel: Ha ha ha! YEAH! Ha ha... ha... (stops laughing)Hey, wait a minute... that's about me... with the freak monster...
Directly before that, when Kenan and Kel come in and Kyra explains what the sculpture is, Kel has an extremely animatedFreak Out and starts grabbing for his own head as though he believes that he has actually lost it until Kenan tells him to knock it off.
Later, after banning Kel from the house, Roger looks at Kyra's sculpture of Kel's head (which won a ribbon); repulsed at the sight of it, he drops it in the fish tank.
When Roger and Sheryl try going out to dinner at a ham-themed restaurant, their waiter is a man completely devoid of all emotion. Roger orders the special, and the waiter loudly declares that he'll be having the "HAM... HAM... HAM." After Roger is brutally injured, the waiter, without missing a beat or changing his tone, casually remarks: "CANCEL THE HAM... HAM... HAM."
The very end of the episode, where Roger is finally driven over the edge by Kel's antics, so when Kel jumps out a second story window to get away from him, Roger jumps after him!
Roger: Cheryl, I'll see you later!
Cheryl: Roger, where are you going?!
Roger: AFTER KEL!!! (jumps)
"Foul Bull" would have the duo looking at the newspaper of them being blamed for Ron Harper's injury.
Kel disguises himself as a cowboy. Kenan tells him he looks ridiculous and takes his cowboy hat off, only to see him bald. Kel shaved his head so people wouldn't recognize him. When Kenan pointed out the flaw in that, Kel started to cry.
Kenan showed Kel the hate mail of them.
Kenan: All of Chicago hates us. Kel: I'll bet we're the most hated kids in Chicago. Kenan: Oh yeah, it's a magical day.
The Thanksgiving special. They ruin the first dinner so they ordered two turkeys... but they didn't realize they were LIVE turkeys until they heard the delivery box gobble. Then they buy a FROZEN dinner and realize they can't make it in time to serve it... so they throw the microwave in the oven hoping to speed up the process. The kitchen blows up. In a last ditch effort, they steal Chris' turkey dinner he ordered at a restaurant and... well, eventually everything came crashing down at that point for Kenan and Kel.
Throughout the episode, Kenan's uncle has no sense of manners or etiquette, and repeatedly demands turkey. He doesn't even bother trying to make conversation; he's only there to eat.
Kenan's aunt Gertie has a mustache. When Kenan opens the door for her:
Aunt Gertie: KENAN!
Kel: Quick, somebody get the hedge clippers!
While the "Bye, Bye Kenan" two-parter is one of the sadder episodes of the series, it still manages to pump in some laughs:
Kenan and his family's house in Montana. At one point, Kyra runs screaming out of the bathroom after seeing a bug. Incredulously, Kenan goes in there as well...and then runs screaming out of the bathroom as well.
Kyra: I told you there was a bug in there! Kenan: You didn't tell me it was the size of araccoon!
Kenan then tries to fight off the bug with a hammer (and then a golf club, both of which end up mangled after the fight). He manages to flush the bug down the toilet, which causes a pipe to burst in the living room and soak the rest of his family.
The "bear attack" at the ranger station, especially the ending when it's revealed that it was an elaborate prank to give Kenan's dad's boss a reason to fire Roger so Kenan's family and move back to Chicago (much to Roger's relief), but it turns out the bear, whom Kenan and Kel thought was Kenan's neighbor in a costume, was actually a real bear the whole time, as the neighbor arrived too late. Cue everybody running screaming out of the ranger station.
Season 3
In "Fenced In", Kel points out the irony of their situation:
Kel: Hey, Kenan, it is kinda funny when you think about it! I mean, we made a date with two pretty girls! And all the only thing they care about is us being on time! Wait, here's the funny part, you made a little map and everything! And we left three hours early, and now we're stuck in a fence!
"Skunkator vs. Mothman":
Kenan trying to explain to an old lady what Washington Red Delicious Apples are.
Kenan and Chris interview a group of people for an opportunity at Rigby's. Their first interviewee is Ned.
Chris: So Ned, is it? You're supposed to fill in the application before you came in here. Ned: Are you telling me what to do? Chris: Telling? I wouldn't say telling. Suggesting, maybe... Ned: 'Cause I don't like people telling me what to do. Kenan: Um, Ned. Did you ever think that part of having a job was people telling you what to do? Ned:NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!!!!(leaves the room) Kel:Not bad! I like him.
Sharla: Don't worry, Kenan. She doesn't dislike you... yet. Kenan: Well, if she's with you, she can't be picky. (long pause) Hi, Becky.
Kel: Which trials?
Sharla accidentally blew dust on Becky. It made her itchy. Kenan peaked to see her scratching.
Kenan: She's scratching! Kel: Maybe she got dust blowin' on her. Kenan:Oh yeah, that's realistic. She's a witch!
Then Kenan walked up to her to sniff her, then walks back to the backroom. She smelled the barbecue sauce that was squirted on her.
Kenan: She smells like fire! Kel: Maybe she was on fire. Kenan: She wasn't on fire! She's a witch!
Kel thought Kenan got turned into a pineapple.
Kel:(crying) She turned you into a pineapple! I'm sorry I didn't believe you! Kenan:(came out of another room) Kel, what is it?! Kel: You can still speak! [Kenan rolls his eyes and went back into the room.]
In "To Catch a Thief", Kenan is about to reveal to his (and Marc's) parents that Marc stole his watch, when Marc bursts in and starts yelling "We've been robbed! They broke into our house, they unmade my bed, and got PEANUT BUTTER in my underwear!!!"
This dialogue:
Kel: Maybe it was ninjas that took your watch. Kenan: Yes, it makes perfect sense! Kel: I know, because ninjas are shadow warriors that can sneak up. 'I'm a ninja. I'm a ninja.' Kenan: STOP THAT! I'm not talking about no ninja! I'm saying that it makes perfect sense that he wouldn't wear the watch he stoled at the place I work. Kel: So if it wasn't super-rats or ninjas... I give up!
Kel: "SURPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!"
Kel: (yelling at Marc) "ALRIGHT, WHERE'S THE WATCH?"
The policemen in "Attack of the Bug Men".
Kenan: Why won't you feed me, father? Cow: Moooo??
Kenan still trying to prevent his family from leaving Pizza Farm.
Kenan: Hmm! That's good pizza, huh, Kel? Kel: Yeah, Kenan, that pizza was as good as the pizza we had 4 pizzas ago. Sheryl: I think you boys need to be wrapping it up. We need to go home. Kenan: No, we don't. I'm still so hungry. (Kenan struggles to eat his pizza)
Kenan eventually bribes Kyra into ordering dessert by promising that he'll let her go to a movie with Kel. He then tells her to order the "Ice Cream Barge"—which is apparently so incredibly dangerous that the waiters have to hold drills about what to do when someone orders it.
In "I.Q. Can Do Better", after the duo are caught red handed sneaking around in the princpal's office, Kenan makes one last ditch effort:
Kel: Kenan, do we have to kill Wendell? Kenan: Yes now go to bed. Kel: Well, what if you were a rat and someone wanted to hurt you? Kenan: Let's see: I'm not a rat, never been a rat, have no plans to become a rat. So... Good Night, Kel! Kel: Good night. RAT-HATER!!
Kel's obsession with the talking pen Kenan received from Chris for his birthday in "Present Tense". He likes it so much he goes out and buys his own, only for Roger to destroy it by throwing it at the wall.
The entirety of "Housesitter".
Kenan tells Kel to get the house keys when they went to buy new plants and stuff to fix the house. Kel looks at it and laughs, closing the door on the way out.
(Kenan and Kel come through the kitchen window) Kel: Man, I can't believe we got locked out of Chris' mama's house! I mean, why does this stuff always happen to us? Kenan: Well, remember when I said "Kel, grab the keys"? Kel: Yeah? Kenan: WHY DIDN'T YOU?? Kel: You were serious about that? I thought you were telling a joke. Kenan: A joke?! Kel, if it was a joke, it would have been funny! Kel: I don't know, I've heard a couple of your jokes. (Kenan mocks laughter)
Kel, trying to tell a police officer what's been going on, explains "Kenan accidentally killed all of Chris's friends—oh, except Norman, he's up in the bathtub." He was actually talking about Chris's plants (which he called "friends") and pet goldfish, but it certainly sounds a lot worse to the cop.
"I'm Gonna Get You Kenan" has Kel tackling a nun, think she's the Jackhammer. Blasphemy, right?
There's also the scene in the police station where he opens and closes the Jackhammer's cell door.
Kel: Oh, Mr. Jackahamma! The door's open! Oh, it's close! Wait, wait, wait, it's open! No, it's close! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wanna come out?
Kel doesn't recognize Kenan, who is in disguise with an afro and a mustache.
Kel: Has anyone seen Kenan?
Kenan: Kel, it's me.
Kel: And I'm me.
When the Jackhammer arrives in Kenan's house and prepares to take his revenge on Kenan, Kenan tries to save himself by offering the former pizza. Jackhammer actually becomes interested and asks if its pepperoni; Kenan meekly says that it isn't and he quickly bolts as Jackhammer chases him around the house.
Kenan: But I'll tell you one thing: if I do go out with her, man, I am not wearing this stupid, ugly, rice pants. You know, for somebody that works in a clothes store, she sure has bad taste in clothing.
Kel: Yeah, she got bad taste in perfume, too. She smells like a stinky water buffalo.
Kenan falls in the fitting room and splits the rice pants he was trying on.
Kel: Hey, Kenan! You hear that? It sounded like somebody ripped their rice pants and fell on the floor.
Kenan: Yeah, Kel. That's exactly what it sounded like.
He then jumps out of the store. He runs back home, stopping midway to use a newspaper to cover himself after getting tired of using his shirt to do so. When he gets back, he forgets about his mom throwing a baby shower and the women all see him in the living room. And Kel is already there, with a hose ready to shower the baby.
Season 4
Kel taunting Mad Dog in episode "Girl Watchers":
Kel: I mean, who wanna be your girlfriend?
Kenan: Kel! Shh! He doesn't mean that.
Kel: Oh yes I do. I mean, look at you. You're big, and ugly, and... tattooed.
In "Natural Born Kenan", Kenan discovers there's another Rockmore family, with a son named Kevin, and wonders if they were switched at birth...only to discover at the end that the other Rockmore family is Asian.
Aw, Here It Goes to Hollywood has quite a lot of funny moments.
Roger: Oh, man! This vacation couldn't be any worse.
Kyra: I wish Kel were here.
Roger: Ok, I guess it could be a little worse.
After being cornered by a guard dog, Kel throws Kenan's money at the dog to get it to leave them alone.
Even though the Two Heads Are Better Than None movie is dark, it still has moments that make you laugh. Examples include the world's biggest ball of string and the headless knight's doorbell ring tune.
Roger suggests the family start telling ghost stories around the campfire. Kel's the first to volunteer:
Kel: (ominous voice) When the toast flew out of the toaster, no one knew what to put on it. Jam? Marmalade? Cinnamon Sugar? I suggested butter. Mmm... crumbs were everywhere... Kenan: Kel! He saidghoststories, nottoaststories!
As Kenan and Kel walk away from the broken-down car and into the desert in search of help, the scene fades to Kel struggling to walk and begging for water. After he dramatically collapses, Kenan...turns around and asks his still-in-earshot family for water.
Roger, upset that the family's luggage is getting wet, climbs to the roof of the car to retrieve it... during a lightning storm. He's promptly struck and sent flying backwards... but still goes back for the bags. Sheryl screams at him to stop, but...
Before that, when Arthur captures Kel, Kenan tries to rescue him, only to snap off the head of the former. It only takes a minute for him to realize he's holding the head of a dead person.
