- After giving Twitchy coffee: "What have I done?"
- "Use the hood, Red! Use the hood!"
- Andy Dick. Just Andy Dick, including his Villain Song and his Famous Last Words: "Not a cute little bunny! NOT A CUTE LITTLE BUNNY!"
- The way Flippers remembers the Wolf:
Nicky Flippers: I remember you! Three years ago on the Stiltsken case, you were snooping around for a lead on his real name.
- Red has tricked the Wolf into going into the river:
Chief Ted Grizzly: Yep, that settles it. We've got our bandit.
Nicky Flippers: Ah, could be. I'd like to count my chickens after they hatch.
Timmy: [oinks] Chickens?
Red Puckett: You've got to admit, a wolf? Stopping kids in the middle of the forest? That's pretty creepy!
Nicky Flippers: Right, yes, yes. But we don't arrest people for being creepy.
Tommy: (on the radio) Yeah Bruce, you know that guy we got in the tank?
Bruce: Uh... the creepy one?
Tommy: Yeah, better let him go.
- And the Wolf when he says Red flying hummingbirds is creepy.
- "Watch out for Keith!"
- That's funny in two ways: one, Andy Dick was improvising that line as he thought Keith was an awful name for a thug, and the irony is that the alternate name "Boris" is Slavic for what is in English the same thing that "Keith" is Scots-Gaelic for.
- In "Great Big World", the one critter who falls off a tree branch near the end.
- A woodpecker finds Red reading a magazine in a treehouse:
Watcha readin', Red? (sees the magazine's cover)
"Far Away Places"? Are you going somewhere far away? Red Puckett:
No. The world is too dangerous for me! [throws her hands up, exasperated, tossing the magazine away. By chance, it lands on the windshield of a passing car] Driver:
Ahh! Can't see! Danger! Turn into the skid! (swerves wildly and revs his engine; the scene cuts back to a close-up of Red as we hear screeching tires and a loud crash. Red gives a very tense face to the audience.) Driver:
I'm okay! I'll walk it off! [Red's tense expression loosens] Woodpecker:
You can't go away! Who's gonna ride the goody bike? Red Puckett:
If I had wings like you, I'd fly all the way past that mountain (waves her hand towards a snowcapped peak in the distance)
and the next one and the next
one.... but I can't. I'm just a kid. Woodpecker:
I'm just a woodpecker. (A glass window is broken and Red flinches)
- What makes it funny is that Red does not really show any reaction to the sound of the crash other than a brief Aside Glance towards the camera for a second.
- The Wolf's commentary on "Top of the Woods".
The Wolf: I know. The song was catchy, but the choreography was terrible.
- Twitchy finds candles in the mine cart he and the Wolf are riding in. He holds up a stick of dynamite with a lit fuse.
The Wolf: Wow, those are nice and bright. What kind of candles are those?
- And then there's their occasional Non Sequitur cuts.
The Wolf: So, how about that new delivery system?
Red Puckett: Well, it beats riding a bike, that's for sure.
(cuts to Japeth on a mine cart)
Japeth: ''(singing) "Oh, I got horns to hold them muffins, and I got horns to hold them pies."
[The Wolf ends his story revealing that Granny was already locked in the closet and tied up when he arrived]
Chief Grizzly: Pretty thin, Wolf! You say the old lady was already tied up! How did that happen?!
The Wolf: I don't know! Maybe to make herself look innocent. I just write the news, Chief! I don't make it.
Red Puckett: For a reporter, you sure have a strange way of doing your job. [rolls her eyes]
What can I say? I was raised by wolves
. (cuts to a picture of the Wolf's family portrait)
Chief Grizzly: You got a way to back this up?
Twitchy: [appears] I got these pictures developed, Mr. Flippers!
Nicky Flippers: That so? Let's have a look... [examines the photos] Hmmm... these are good... Ha... [shows picture of Wolf mounted in a fish costume] Here's a nice one of you, Wolf.
Twitchy: I wanna do an expose' sometime; a gallery show. And maybe a coffee table book, 'course, I don't drink coffee. Maybe a chai tea latte book.
Nicky Flippers: Photos don't lie, Chief.
The Wolf: Good work, Twitchy.
- Pretty much anything involving the Wolf, actually.
Chief: What do you do for a living, Wolf!
Wolf: I'm a shepherd.
- Or Twitchy, for that matter. When they find the cave exit after being chased part of the way there by bats.
Twitchy: Heyboss, aladderlookie!
Wolf: God as my witness, you will learn to speak. Hey look, a way out.
- Also this one, when the police are stopped by Twitchy and have to have him speak into a tapedeck that they can play at quarter speed:
Twitchy: (extremely fast) Thecriminalyouarelookingforcannotbefoundatthebottomofthemountainheresidesatthetopinacavefortresswheremycompanionsaretryingtodetainhim!
Bill Stork: What is it, boy? Is there trouble at the old mill? Is the barn on fire? The- the well! Timmy's stuck in the well!
Chief Grizzly: Wait! He seems to be speaking... words of some kind.
- After the mine cart crashes, Red descends using her cloak as a parachute. As she comes out of the clouds, we suddenly hear the sound of a helicopter....
Red Puckett: What?! [Japeth flies past, wearing a set of horns with helicopter rotor blades]
- The Wolf uses a radar gun intending to listen in on Red as she travels up the cable car. After passing over sounds of wildlife and a couple bars of the yodeling chorus to the "Schnitzel Song", he gets a conversation between two men about one of their estranged girlfriends. Then one of them says "Shhh, up there." The camera cuts to two caterpillars having a conversation on a leaf underneath the radar dish and one of them asks the Wolf if he would get his thing out of their faces. Sheepishly, the Wolf apologizes.
- What sells it is the confused look the Wolf has as he is listening in on their conversation.
- The numerous Shout Outs in the sequel.. Especially Boingo as Hannibal Lector.
- The entire "Granny, what big [insert facial quality here] you have!" exchange:
The Wolf: So, you got the loot?
Whoa, what big hands
you have! The Wolf:
Oh! All the better to scratch my back with. Red Puckett:
And what big ears
you have! The Wolf: [increasing in irritation]
All the better to hear your... many
criticisms. Old people just have big ears, dear
. Red Puckett: [shaking her head in disbelief]
And Granny... what big eyes
you have! The Wolf: [exploding]
Are we just gonna sit around here and talk about how big I'm getting?! [leans in]
You came here for a reason, didn't you? So tell old Granny what you've got in the basket! Red Puckett:
Agh, Granny! What bad breath you have! The Wolf:
All right. [takes off the mask; Red screams and takes a step back] Red Puckett:
You again?! What do I have to do, get a restraining order?!
- Flippers sums up Kirk's story as:
Nicky Flippers: So, you didn't jump through the window, you were pushed. By a tree. Because you were pretending to be a woodsman. To sell foot cream.
Kirk: I got the callback!
Nicky Flippers: And good for you. Suffice to say, our thespian friend here knows the least about anything.
Kirk: Exactly! What does that mean?
Chief Grizly: That it all points to Granny.
- Flippers is about to interview Red, who is still wearing handcuffs:
Nicky Flippers: What's with the handcuffs on a little girl? Her wrists could slip right out! How about a cage?
Bill Stork: [on radio, eager] Bring in the cage!
Bill Stork: [on radio, disappointed] Sarcasm. Strike the cage...
- And hearing the disappointed moans of the others in the background.
- Two Words: Be Prepared. Japeth provides some comic relief for Red's story:
Red Puckett: Hello! [She sees a mine shack across the meadow and runs towards it; Japeth is rocking on the porch as Red walks up the hill to the shack] Hello.
[Japeth doesn't hear her and continues yodeling]
Red Puckett: I'm looking for... Granny Puckett's house?
Japeth the Goat: [singing] Graaaaaaaanneeee Puckeeeett...
Red Puckett: Could you stop singing for one moment?
Japeth the Goat: [singing] No I can't, I wish I could, but a mountain witch done put a spell on me, 37 years agoooooooo, and now I gotta sing every thing I saaaaaaaaayyyyyy...
Japeth the Goat: [speaking] That's right.
Red Puckett: You just talked! Just now!
Japeth the Goat: Oh, did I? [singing] Did I? Dididididodadidididoooo...
- Later, once Red's attempt at contacting Granny is cut short:
Red Puckett: Mr. Goat, my granny's in trouble! I've gotta find a way around the mountain fast!
Japeth: [singing] Well you came to the right goat! [pops off his horns]
Red Puckett: Oh, good. More singing.
- Actually, the entire "Be Prepared" song is quite funny, when you consider how many horn sets Japeth goes through in the number, or how Red can't find a way to cut him off. Here are the horn sets he goes through in order:
- Bottle opener
- TV remote
- Pickle jar opener (made funnier since Red is holding out the jar that he opens with the set, and she gives an amazed look at the camera that makes the shot look like something out of a TV infomercial)
- A brunette wig and a pair of sunglasses
- A coat rack for his other horns
- Garden tools
- A clothesline (with two socks and a set of work trousers on it)
- What looks like an electrical generator (when this is shown, Red is standing on the left in such a way it looks like she's wearing a pair of curly long horns)
- A campfire that is roasting s'mores and wieners on the ends
- A Mohawk-style set
- Flippers and Red meet for the first time:
Red Puckett: They've got this all wrong, Mr. Flippers.
Nicky Flippers: [notices Red and steps over to her] Oh, I don't know. You look pretty dangerous to me. What's your name?
Red Puckett: Red.
Nicky Flippers: And why do they call you that?
Red Puckett: Why do they call you "Flippers"?
[Cuts to Flippers on the dance floor at a disco club in a flashy white suit. As the crowd chants "Go Flippers!" in the background, he does a backflip and lands in a splitz]
Nicky Flippers: What about when you're not wearing it?
- During Kirk's scene, when he's felling trees, one nearly hits two turtles:
Turtle: [shouting to his mate] RUN! [starts inching along with a strained neck]
- Red reaches the part of her story where she finds the Wolf impersonating Granny:
Red Puckett: Granny? It's me, Red. Is everything okay?
The Wolf: Oh. Oh yeah, sure thing. Come on in.
[Cuts to Red being interviewed by Flippers]
Nicky Flippers: So this Wolf, he was dressed as your grandma?
Red Puckett: Yes.
The Wolf: I'm your grandma.
Nicky Flippers: And you bought that?
Red Puckett: No. Not really.
Red Puckett (flashback): Whoa, what big hands you have! [cut] And what big ears you have! [cut] What bad breath you have! [cut] What big eyes you have!
The Wolf: Are we just gonna sit around here and talk about how big I'm getting?!
Nicky Flippers: Yes, yes, and then the fellow with the axe burst in? [Kirk bursts through the window and the Wolf starts saying "Whoa-whoa!", when Red waves her hands to indicate "halt"]
Red Puckett: No, no! Not yet! [All of the action on the screen, with the exception of Red, rewinds, including the music; Kirk flies back out of the window and the glass repairs itself] First, I was attacked by that crazy wolf!
[The Wolf corners Red in the living room with a fireplace poker]
Red Puckett (flashback): Hi-yah! You crazy wolf!
Red Puckett: Then my Granny jumped out of the closet... [Granny bursts out of the closet and emits a battle cry] ...but she was tied up. [With an audible pop, Granny is bound and gagged]
Red Puckett: You got it.
[In the flashback, Kirk bursts back through the window]
Red Puckett: Only, he was screaming.
Kirk: [weakly] Aargh? [Red glares at him]
Red Puckett: [angrily] Like a maniac! [Kirk starts waving his axe wildly and screaming accordingly]
Chief Grizzly: Wow.
Det. Bill Stork: Hmm.
Nicky Flippers: Oh. So that was it?
Red Puckett: That wolf was gonna eat us all...
- In the sequel when Verushka is giving her big speech
Granny: Why are you telling me all this? I was there
Granny: Did you really practice that speech?
- Pig: "Great news! My doctor says I'm gonna live!" (Red falls on him from several stories)