Lyle: Pardon me, girls. I know you're feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But if you would just let me order a bowl of fried clams we can all have smallpox tomorrow morning.
Double funny when he literally spits out the last word in the sentence in Swahili.
The trio of guides' faces during the whole spiel make it extra funny: the big one is shaking his head in disgust, while the main one looks like he's sloooowly realizing that this is going to be hilarious. By the end of it, he's got a big cheesy smile on his face and seems to be actively holding back laughter.
Also, Lyle tries to impress the natives with his "magic pictures" (an ordinary camera). One of them says something in Swahili that makes everyone (especially the translator) crack up. Lyle is confused and requests a translation:
"He says he likes your 'magic pictures' but he prefers the resolution of the Leica 35mm transparencies." * laughs again* "He also says that your lens is dirty, but he has the equipment to clean it for you."
Lyle accidentally knocks one of the guides off a precariously-placed rope bridge. As he falls, the narrator chimes in.
Narrator: Don't worry, nobody dies in this movie. They just get really big boo-boos. [cut to the guide covered in bandages, giving Lyle an epic Death Glare] What did I tell you?
That's him! That's the guy who shot him! I never forget a face!
An explanation; Lyle is currently in a police line-up in Africa with the "usual suspects"... and given this is in Africa, he's the only white guy among the bunch. Naturally, the other candidates are dismissed as "too short," "too sweaty," etc.
Lyle: (about the guides) They're probably saying I'm the biggest jerk they've ever seen in their lives. Probably trying to think of something evil to do to me.
(in Swahili, subtitles)
First guide: That guy's the biggest jerk I've seen in my life.
Second guide: Let's think of something evil to do to him.
(Later in the movie)
Lyle: The important thing, Kwame, is that I was outnumbered.
Guide: (in Swahili) It's easy to be outnumbered when you're a zero.
Which is again made funnier with The Reveal that the guides could speak English the whole time - they were just screwing with Lyle for fun.
Upon arriving in the city, Ursula explains how the city is rougher than the jungle.
Ursula's mother attempts to call her daughter during the San Francisco abode part but is not there. She grows increasingly exasperated and demands that her daughter answer the phone to explain her reasons for being infatuated with George. Instead, George picks it up and lets out his trademark Tarzan yell, immediately surprising Ursula's mother.
Well, that was an overreaction.
When Ursula goes to confess to her father with Betsy about Lyle and George, she leaves him with the TV and snacks, but most of all, the instruction to "STAY HERE". The Narrator's incredulous, but...
Narrator: "Stay here"!? George is king of the jungle! No walls built by modern man can contain him!
George: (turning directly to the camera) Not true! George have every intention of doing exactly what Ursula say.
Narrator: Really? Is that so?
George: ...For a while.
When Ursula's mother goes to try and convince her not to go after George, her father sighs and mutters "God that woman's a pain in the ass."
And immediately after that line the narrator picks it up. "Meanwhile, halfway around the world, another ass was feeling pain..."
George preparing to rescue Ursula by intentionally ramming himself into a tree:
George: Biggest swing in jungle history. Will hurt very much. But George have to do it! (cringes)
When Lyle finally has had enough of the Narrator's comments, he snaps "Your constant interrupts are annoying! There! Now what are you going to do about it?" Cue a giant cartoon hand dropping out of the sky, picking up Lyle, and carrying him off. The Narrator then asks the remaining characters onscreen if they have any problems with his comments, and they all quickly say no.
When Ursula has been hypnotized into thinking Lyle is her husband, she remains unimpressed with him. This leads to her asking a friend "Why did you let me marry such an idiot?"
The Kenny Rogers impersonator guy annoys Ape so much, that he resorts to strangling him ("STOP SINGING!! I've had more pleasure listening to alligators singing, than you! I'll kill ya, ya filthy bum!"), before finally taping his mouth!
Whenever the characters mishear or misunderstand the Narrator and he has to repeat himself
When George is teaching Junior the ways of the Jungle
Narrator: "George was grooming his son to be the heir of the throne. [George is grooming Junior] Uh... George, that's "grooming him to be the heir", not "grooming his hair". George & Junior: Oh...
During the coconut-ball game
Narrator: When suddenly, the game was interrupted by an urgent bongo gram. [the gorillas are snoring] I SAID, "AN URGENT BONGO GRAM!!!" [the gorillas wake up and immediately proceed drumming]
As George sends Tookie to get Ape
Narrator: While Tookie was winging his way to Las Vegas, he— [view to Tookie flying to China] I said, "LAS VEGAS!!!" [Tookie quickly changes his route towards Vegas]
This moment with Lyle's hench-women
Narrator: Meanwhile, the dastardly duo of damsels, Sally & Kowalski were searching every nook and cranny. [Sally & Kowalski are pickpocketing an elderly woman] That's "cranny", not "granny!" [Sally & Kowalski promptly leave the old lady alone and run off to find George]
The narrator sets the scene:
Narrator: Because of a remarkable trait of despicable dishonesty, Lyle had entered the poker game. See if you can figure out which one he is. [View cuts to a man with a black mustache and hair and a silly looking gambling suit under a neon sign reading: LYLE!]
Narrator: Back in Vegas, Lyle celebrated getting the deed in a typically mature fashion... Lyle: (singing and skipping around the room) I have the deed! I have the deed! This is the deed I have the—(Beatrice trips him, sending him onto the nearby couch) Ah! Oh!
The big fight:
[George runs up to final bulldozer that is threatening to destroy the treehouse with Ursula in it! The bulldozer is guarded by Lyle's hench-women Sally and Kowalski] George: George not hit women so appreciate it if women not hit George. Sally: hehe! [Sally smiles and elbows George then punches him making him dangle from the bulldozer, smacking his head against several trees, Kowalski then climbs over to join Sally] [After George has been smacked against several trees Sally kicks him off, but George climbs back on this time to face Kowalski] George: George realize that in order to save treehouse, boukuvou and entire Jungle lifestyle, George now have to hit woman, but in name of sportsmanship George give woman fighting chance! [Kowalski grins, looks down to George's crotch and kicks him hard leaving George in agonizing pain] George: (strained) Note to George: rethink sportsmanship. [George falls off the bulldozer, Sally and Kowalski turn into the bulldozer thinking they have won, but they see Rocky the Kangaroo poised to attack. The women scream as they are kicked in the face across the Jungle. Rocky hops after them and as they get up, showing no mercy, Rocky has an idea and jumps on the women's shoulders smacking them hard into the ground, grunting and squealing in the process, leaving them trapped unable to do any more harm .]
The 1967 cartoon:
When Ape gets kidnapped.
Ape: What I always say, George, isó (gets lassoed out of the treehouse) Aack! George: "Aack!"? Funny way to say goodbye.
Ursula brings up Ape's disappearance to George.
Ursula: George, don't you notice something different? George: Uh, Ursula got new hairdo? Usrula: No, George! It's Ape! George: Ape got new hairdo? Ursula:Ape is gone! George: Didn't think his hair look different.
George: Hmm... tire tracks go that way. George take shortcut. Jungle intuition. Never wrong. (swings the other direction, with predictable results) Sometimes painful, but never wrong.
"Meanwhile, back in the jungle... wait, that's the Sahara Desert!"
"But help was approaching... the long way around."
George:(while paddling a canoe through what appears to be the Arctic Ocean) This way, George sneak up on them from behind.
And then George finally gets to where Ape is.
George:(Tarzan yell) Ape there? Ape: Yes, George, I'm here! Stop that dreadful racket! Where have you been? George: You name it!
"Oo-oo Birds of a Feather": Tiger and Weevil coming across George disguised as an Oo-oo bird.
Weevil: Tiger! That be the biggest Oo-oo bird in the world! Tiger: And the ugliest.
The 2008 cartoon:
In "Mt. Georgemore", George is trying to find whoever vandalized his mountain. He first accused Ursula.
George: Ape, take her away! Ape: To where?
Then he accused Ape.
George: Ape, take Ape away! [Ape, Ursula, and Magnolia do not comment]
After finding out the Stonepeckers were the bad ones.
George: Ape, take them away! Ape:TO WHERE??
This moment from the scary story episode, where George literally becomes afraid of nothing after a scary story told by Ursula. When he and Ape are getting ready for bed, George asks an irritated Ape to check the closet for nothing. Then this happens:
George: What does Ape see?! Ape:[Completely deadpan] A large hungry monster wearing a bib and holding a knife and fork. George:[Comes out from under the blankets with a completely relieved expression on his face] Phew! Well, better than nothing! Well, goodnight! [Monster happily waves "goodnight" to George]
The guys rooting for Magnolia at the horse show in "Stripy Pony".
George: Mop the floor with them! Ape: Make them get down on their bony knees and beg for mercy! Ursula: Guys! [The book] says you're supposed to be POLITE at a horse show! George:Please mop the floor with them! Ape: And thank you for making them beg for mercy! [Ursula Face Palms]
From "Rebel Without a Claw", when George thinks of a way for the carnivores to stop eating the small defenseless prey animals (by dribbling on his lips).