- This opening bit from the Narrator after the opening animated sequence.
Narrator: 25 years later the bouncing baby boy has grown into a swinging Jungle King! He is swift, he is strong, he is sure, he is smart-
- Hiking through the jungle..
Narrator: And so, onward and upward the tired trekkers trudged on feverish footsies over perilous paths. When they finally beheld the mighty Ape Mountain, they reacted with awe!Group: Awwwww....Narrator: I said "Awe". A-W-E.Group: Oooooh...Narrator: That's better.
- The only aversion of Don't Explain the Joke.
- The scene on the tugboat:
Everybody: Watch out for that—WHAMEverybody, wincing: Oooooh...
- And Ursula's parents reacting to Ursula not wanting to marry Lyle anymore.
Ursula's parents, smiling, in unison: We understand, dear.Ursula: *sighs happily*Narrator: Juuuust kidding!
- And further proving the hilariousness of the narrator, the scene where Those Two Bad Guys fight with him.
Thor: Why don't you say something constructive for a change, like what we should do now?Narrator: Because I don't like you!Thor: Well, I hate you, you snotty son of a-Narrator: I pretend I didn't hear that.
Max: Thor, were you fighting with the narrator?Thor: Well he started it.Narrator: Did not!Thor: You did too!Narrator: Did not!Thor: You did too!Narrator: Did not!Thor: You did too!
- And following that, while Ape is looking back and forth between them:
- The scene where Lyle epically fails at speaking Swahili:
Lyle: Pardon me, girls. I know you're feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But if you would just let me order a bowl of fried clams we can all have smallpox tomorrow morning.
- Double funny when he literally spits out the last word in the sentence in Swahili.
- Also, Lyle tries to impress the natives with his "magic pictures" (an ordinary camera). One of them says something in Swahili that makes everyone (especially the translator) crack up. Lyle is confused and requests a translation:
"He says he likes your 'magic pictures' but he prefers the resolution of the Leica 35mm transparencies." * laughs again* "He also says that your lens is dirty, but he has the equipment to clean it for you."
- Lyle accidentally knocks one of the guides off a precariously-placed rope bridge. As he falls, the narrator chimes in.
Narrator: Don't worry, nobody dies in this movie. They just get really big boo-boos. [cut to the guide covered in bandages] What did I tell you?
- That's him! That's the guy who shot him! I never forget a face!
- An explanation; Lyle is currently in a police line-up in Africa with the "usual suspects"... and given this is in Africa, he's the only white guy among the bunch.
- These bits...
Lyle: (about the guides) They're probably saying I'm the biggest jerk they've ever seen in their lives. Probably trying to think of something evil to do to me.(in Swahili, subtitles)First guide: That guy's the biggest jerk I've seen in my life.Second guide: Let's think of something evil to do to him.(Later in the movie)Lyle: The important thing, Kwame, is that I was outnumbered.Guide: (in Swahili) It's easy to be outnumbered when you're a zero.Lyle: Absolutely!
- Upon arriving in the city, Ursula explains how the city is rougher than the jungle.
Ursula: It's dog-eat-dog.George: Dog eat dog. Dog eat dog here? George never bring Shep here, nope, nu-uh, never.
- Keep in mind, Shep is an elephant.
- George sees a coffee commercial:
George: Now George understand! George get coffee, then Ursula want George!(George finds a can of coffee in Ursula's pantry and proceeds to eat the grounds, sending him straight into Caffeine Bullet Time)George: Javajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajava...
- "To swing or not to swing? (beat) Swing."
- Ursula's mother attempts to call her daughter during the San Francisco abode part but is not there. She grows increasingly exasperated and demands that her daughter answer the phone to explain her reasons for being infatuated with George. Instead, George picks it up and lets out his trademark Tarzan yell, immediately surprising Ursula's mother.
Well, that was an overreaction.
- "Me new George! Studio too cheap to pay Brendan Fraser!"
- When Lyle finally has had enough of the Narrator's comments, he snaps "Your constant interrupts are annoying! There! Now what are you going to do about it?" Cue a giant cartoon hand dropping out of the sky, picking up Lyle, and carrying him off. The Narrator then asks the remaining characters onscreen if they have any problems with his comments, and they all quickly say no.
- When Ursula has been hypnotized into thinking Lyle is her husband, she remains unimpressed with him. This leads to her asking a friend "Why did you let me marry such an idiot?"
- For the first time in history, George did not hit the tree he was aiming at. That did not stop him from hitting the next tree.
- The Kenny Rogers impersonator guy annoys Ape so much, that he resorts to strangling him ("STOP SINGING!! I've had more pleasure listening to alligators singing, than you! I'll kill ya, ya filthy bum!"), before finally taping his mouth!
- Whenever the characters mishear or misunderstand the Narrator and he has to repeat himself
- When George is teaching Junior the ways of the Jungle
Narrator: "George was grooming his son to be the heir of the throne.
[George is grooming Junior]
Narrator: Uh...George, that's "grooming him to be the heir", not "grooming his hair".
George & Junior: Oh...
- During the coconut-ball game
Narrator: When suddenly, the game was interrupted by an urgent bongo gram.
[The gorillas are snoring]
Narrator: I SAID, AN URGENT BONGO GRAM!!
[the gorillas wake up and immediately proceed drumming]
- As George sends Tookie to get Ape
Narrator: While Tookie was winging his way to Las Vegas he—[view to Tookie flying to China] I SAID, LAS VEGAS!!
[Tookie quickly changes his route towards Vegas]
- This moment with Lyle's hench-women
Narrator: Meanwhile, the dastardly duo of damsels, Sally & Kowalski were searching every nook and cranny.
[Sally & Kowalski are pickpocketing an elderly woman]
Narrator: That's "cranny", not "granny!"
[Sally & Kowalski promptly leave the old lady alone and run off to find George]
- When George is teaching Junior the ways of the Jungle
- The narrator sets the scene:
Narrator: Because of a remarkable trait of despicable dishonesty, Lyle had entered the poker game. See if you can figure out which one he is.
[View cuts to a man with a black mustache and hair and a silly looking gambling suit under a neon sign reading: LYLE!]
- And again:
Narrator: Back in Vegas, Lyle celebrated getting the deed, in a typically mature fashion...
Lyle: (singing and skipping around the room) I have the deed! I have the deed! This is the deed I have the—(Beatrice trips him, sending him onto the nearby couch) Ah! Oh!
- The big fight:
[George runs up to final bulldozer that is threatening to destroy the treehouse with Ursula in it! The bulldozer is guarded by Lyle's hench-women Sally and Kowalski]
George: George not hit women so appreciate it if women not hit George.
Sally: hehe! [Sally smiles and elbows George then punches him making him dangle from the bulldozer, smacking his head against several trees, Kowalski then climbs over to join Sally]
[After George has been smacked against several trees Sally kicks him off, but George climbs back on this time to face Kowalski]
George: George realize that in order to save treehouse, boukuvou and entire Jungle lifestyle, George now have to hit woman, but in name of sportsmanship George give woman fighting chance!
[Kowalski grins, looks down to George's crotch and kicks him hard leaving George in agonizing pain]
George: (strained) Note to George: rethink sportsmanship.
[George falls off the bulldozer, Sally and Kowalski turn into the bulldozer thinking they have won, but they see Rocky the Kangaroo poised to attack. The women scream as they are kicked in the face across the Jungle. Rocky hops after them and as they get up, showing no mercy, Rocky has an idea and jumps on the women's shoulders smacking them hard into the ground, grunting and squealing in the process, leaving them trapped unable to do any more harm .]
- In "Monkey Business," George's utter lack of a sense of direction is in full force, which leads to a number of gems.
George: Hmm... tire tracks go that way. George take shortcut. Jungle intuition. Never wrong. (swings the other direction, with predictable results) Sometimes painful, but never wrong.
George: (while paddling a canoe through what appears to be the Arctic Ocean) This way, George sneak up on them from behind.
- "Meanwhile, back in the jungle... wait, that's the Sahara Desert!"
- "But help was approaching... the long way around."
George: (Tarzan yell) Ape there?
- And then George finally gets to where Ape is.
Ape: Yes, George, I'm here! Stop that dreadful racket! Where have you been?
George: You name it!
- In "Mt. Georgemore", George is trying to find whoever vandalized his mountain. He first accused Ursula.
George: Ape, take her away!
Ape: To where?
George: Ape, take Ape away!
- Then he accused Ape.
[Ape, Ursula, and Magnolia stare at him]
George: Ape, take them away!
- After finding out the Stonepeckers were the bad ones.
Ape: TO WHERE??
- This moment from the scary story episode, where George literally becomes afraid of nothing after a scary story told by Ursula. When he and Ape are getting ready for bed, George asks an irritated Ape to check the closet for nothing. Then this happens:
George: What's in there?!
Ape: [Completely deadpan] A large hungry monster wearing a bib and holding a knife and fork.
George: [Comes out from under the blankets with a completely relieved expression on his face] Phew! Better than nothing!
- The guys rooting for Magnolia at the horse show in "Stripy Pony".
George: Mop the floor with them!
Ape: Make them get down on their bony knees and beg for mercy!
Ursula: Guys! [The book] says you're supposed to be polite at a horse show!
George: Please, mop the floor with them!
Ape: And thank you for making them beg for mercy!
[Ursula Face Palms]
- From "Rebel Without a Claw", when George thinks of a way for the carnivores to stop eating the small defenseless prey animals (by dribbling on his lips).
Tiger: Another smoothie, Howie. This is gonna take a while.
- George looking at his swollen face on the mirror in "Cone Head":
George: Hey, Ape, when did we get this big red talking balloon?