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Funny: Frasier
  • Five Words: The "hot and foamy" scene.
    • The build-up is comedy gold, as Frasier and Niles gradually discover exactly WHAT their mother was writing about in her journal....
  • Also the bit where Frasier, Daphne, and Martin meet Niles' new dog...who, it is painfully obvious to everyone except Niles, is a four-legged doppelganger for Maris—down to the ridiculously aloof and spoiled personality (and the fact that Niles seems emasculated to slave status). After an involved and multi-layered sequence where Frasier, Martin and Daphne can only stare wide-eyed at the spectacle...
    Daphne: Am I the only one -
    Frasier/Martin: No.
    Daphne: Does Dr. Crane have any idea?
    Frasier/Martin: No.
    • In a later episode, Frasier finally tells Niles that Baby is a substitute for Maris. Niles denies this haughtily, but then:
    Frasier: Oh? Remember when Maris wore that pillbox hat to the Duchamps' wedding?
    (takes a small flowerpot and puts it on Baby's head. Niles faints from the realization)
  • Martin's message to future generations, as Niles records with a video camera. He can't resist trolling all to heck, leading to an exasperated Niles turning the camera on himself.
    "Future generations—see what I had to put up with?"
  • The "bull painting" incident, leading to Frasier, Martin, and Niles having an epic cryfest....
    Frasier: (crying) I made...our father CRY!
    Martin: (crying) I'm not CRYING!
    Frasier: Well, I am! I'm the most—ungrateful son there is!
    Martin: I can never do anything for my sons!
  • Niles's cockatoo—through and through!
  • The scene where, after spending an entire episode worrying about his mortality, including getting Martin and Niles little labels to put on the things they want bequeathed to them, Frasier finally calms down after a late-night talk with Martin. Just as they're heading off to bed... Martin mentions there's something on Frasier's robe. He checks, and with the utmost air of disgust... "Niles." (Niles had also earlier tried to trick Frasier out of pouring from a certain bottle of wine because he wanted it.)
    Frasier: The vultures are circling!
  • Any time Frasier and Niles try to be like "normal folk" (when they're not being insufferable asses).
  • Martin has announced that he is going on a date with a lady who lives in the same building as them. Niles gets this little grin on his face, and Martin, without turning around, snaps "Niles, wipe that ridiculous little smirk off your face!"
  • The "Nightmare Inn!" fiasco from "Ham Radio".
    Frasier: Why, yes, Miss Thorndyke, it appears to be (cues organ music, but calliope music comes out instead) the ice cream truck! But never mind that (everybody starts dumping papers from the script)
    • Roz was supposed to play a woman with a sexy, exotic accent. However, earlier in the day, she had an emergency dentist appointment, and her mouth was numb from Novocaine. Everything came out a very slurred, muddled, Elmer Fudd-like mess, and it only got worse when she had to attempt the phrase, "Multiple murderer."
    • "Look out! He's got a nug!"
      • "And one final bullet for myself, so the secret dies with me! *bang* Ha."
    • Gil's refusal to let his character die until he's finished delivering his line.
  • "Hey Daphne, I just realized something! It took three Cranes to lift you!"
    • Context: Due to anxiety issues leading to overeating (and because the actress was pregnant) Daphne has become very fat. She falls over and hurts her ankle and it takes the three Crane men (Frasier, Niles and Martin) to lift her off the floor. Made hilarious by the innocent way Martin delivers the joke, clearly believing she'll be amused. She isn't.
  • "He says he wants you to apologize. He didn't steal...your shoes!"
    • "Oh my god, he's going to kill me!"
    • "En garde!" "Oh great! That's JUST what we need! A FOURTH LANGUAGE!"
  • "Whatever you do, don't get into a fistfight! The whole thing would just look too weird!"
  • This part is pretty self-explanatory:
    Blaine: Now now, he has every right to be up here. He is one of God's creatures.
    Frasier (defensively): I AM NO SUCH THING!
  • The climax of the episode "Dark Side of the Moon". As the other characters are captivated and horrified by the four-car pile-up caused by Daphne's Slight Induced Rant, including Daphne herself, a miffed, cold-ridden and completely oblivious Frasier walks by and says "Fine! I guess I'll just have to make make my OWN TEEEEEEAAAAAAA!"
  • Frasier's pirate accent in "Roz's Turn".
  • "The Cranes in Maine have got your living brain!"
  • "But nothing ever changes! Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for twenty years?"
  • Martin and Eddie's dreams in the episode "Freudian Sleep." Of course, since Martin sang a rather catchy tune in his dream, this is equal parts CMOF and Crowning Music of Awesome.
    • There's also the way Martin allayed the other three characters' tension about their nightmares:
      Martin: Blah blah blah. (To Daphne) Afraid you're going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone. (To Frasier) Afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family. (To Niles) Afraid you're going to be a bad father? Join the club. Now clam it up and go to sleep.
      Niles: I'm starting to regret inviting him up here.
  • This exchange in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. Too Much Information at its finest:
    Frasier: You know, you're jealous. You're jealous that I'm having sex. Jealous that I'm having hot, passionate, sweaty jungle sex. What are you having?
    [he doesn't notice the waitress behind him]
    Niles: I'm having a latte.
  • The whole last third of "The Innkeepers" (or The One Where Frasier and Niles buy a restaurant), but especially "Big blue flash. Cherries... everywhere."
    • The look on Frasier's face right after the explosion is hilarious.
    • The look on Daphne's face when the emergency sprinklers went off was also priceless.
    • The minute details they mull over in the second third are even better after watching the whole episode. Also, their snobbish reaction when they realized they thought of the perfect name: "It's friendly, inviting, yet just difficult enough to pronounce to intimidate the riffraff!"
    • In the same episode, there's a tank of live eels, which Niles has to reach into and grab one and kill it. He decides to hack at it with a meat cleaver and is splashing like a moron, making Frasier ask him, "What in God's name are you doing? Just reach in there and get it over with!" "Not until I'm sure it's dead!" Prompting Daphne to shout, "Oh, for Heaven's sake!" stalk over there, grab one straight off, then whip it around and smack it into the table and hands it to Niles, then gets back to what she was doing. Frasier's and Niles' shocked and disgusted expressions are positively PRICELESS.
    • For extra laughs, also pay close attention to the eel Niles is holding after Daphne kills it.
    • Or the part where Niles asks how he's supposed to kill them, and Frasier tells him he can throw a toaster in the tank for all he cares. Frasier goes out to talk to one of the guests, and the lights dim...
  • Want to see a magnificent actor ham it Up to Eleven ? Watch Sir Derek Jacobi on the stage in "The Show Must Go Off." Or even better, the end of this scene.
  • Frasier asks Noel Shempski to translate his blessing for Freddie's bar mitzvah into Hebrew, and promises to get Scott Bakula's autograph in return. When he fails to do so, Noel gets revenge by translating the blessing into Klingon instead.
  • "SPELL HIS ASS OFF!!!"
  • One word: "VENEER!"
  • Any time the Cranes allude to Lilith or Bebe's evilness.
    • Such as this for Lilith:
    Frasier: She's back! The scourge of my existence!
    Niles: Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the walls...
    • Or this for Bebe:
    Roz: It's not like she worships the devil!
    Frasier: Well, she doesn't have to; he worships HER!
    • And when Lilith hits them right back:
    Lilith: Congratulations, Frasier, you've done it again. You've led another unsuspecting innocent down one of your dark, dead-end Freudian hallways.
    Frasier: Well, Seattle, we have a celebrity of sorts on the line. This is my ex-wife, Lilith.
    Lilith: (perplexed) What do you mean, "celebrity"?
    Frasier: (darkly) Oh, they know you.
    Lilith: I'm here for a convention, and I happened to hear your voice on the radio. I kept hoping you'd introduce Pearl Jam's latest hit, but much to my chagrin, you were doling out worthless little advice pellets from your psychiatric Pez dispenser.
  • The scene in Bebe's hotel room from "The Devil and Dr. Phil".
  • From the episode "Crock Tales," we get this gem:
    Niles: Last night, Daphne and I engaged in sweet carnal delights.
    (because of the way he pronounced it, though, Martin just has to ask)
    Martin: Did you say "carnal" or "caramel"?
  • The entire second half of "Ski Lodge," topped off by Frasier's perfect summation: "Let me see if I can get this straight. All the lust coursing through this lodge tonight, all the hormones virtually ricocheting off the walls, and no one...was chasing me? See you at breakfast." Ironically, the Dumb Blonde Frasier was lusting after changed her mind about him - but he missed her.
  • Frasier blasting a listener whose "problem" is he can't decide what to name his luxury yacht:
    Frasier: Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now... I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.
  • Niles's "flour child." Especially funny when it gets run through with a sword, drop-kicked into the reflecting pool, and eaten by Eddie.
    Niles: A real child would have cried before it burst into flames.
  • And Eddie ripping the 'flour child' apart in puffs of flour as Daphne looks mildly on and declares in an Australian accent, "'At dingo's got yer baby..."
  • In "Murder Most Maris", Frasier (in a horrified-sounding voice) milking the fact that he was "recently—PUNCHED in the face...by a man now dead!" to distract from an argument is pretty funny. The fact that it works is even funnier. That he does it twice more through the episode and it works every single time? Crowning Moment.
  • "That's it. I've lost. Maris has won...Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That why Niles lives in the Shangri-La and drives a HATCHBACK!"
  • From "Frasier's Imaginary Friend":
    Frasier: I AM NOT CRAZY! I am dating a supermodel zoologist, whom I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galapagos Islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! Now is that so hard to believe?!
    • And when said supermodel-zoologist storms away in disgust at his efforts to prove such...Frasier takes the "glass half-full" view, as he swaggers past the gang, turns to them, and smirks, "Well...! Whadaya think o' me now...?"
  • From "Cheerful Goodbyes," Phil (played by Phil Perlman, Rhea's father) stands up to offer a toast.
    Phil: I just wanna thank you Cliff, for all the great times we had at Cheers.
    Cliff: You were always there for me Al.
    Phil: I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch!
  • Frasier, after sleeping with Roz.
    Frasier: I seem to recall the word 'stallion-like'!
    Roz: I never said stallion.
    Frasier: Well, one of us did!
  • "Dinner Party", the entire episode is one long string of Crowning Moments building up to future Crowning Moments.
    Niles: Why is Joaquin on such a strict diet?
    Frasier: Because the Joaquin they're bringing to dinner is... their foster child! From a tiny village on the pampas. He speaks no English and he gets nauseated when he eats American food!
    Niles: So, he's not the conductor of the Buenos Aires Philharmonic?
    Frasier: Oh, you are SO "that other one"!
    • The party plans become such a disaster that Niles has no choice but to black ball himself.
  • "The Show Where Diane Comes Back" featuring a pretentious stage version of Cheers with Diane as Mary Anne. Words do not do it justice.
    • Diane giggling in delight at her own jokes (which she actually stole from Norm) was the icing on the cake. And Frasier's speech is just epic, especially his delivery of "bony fingers!"
    Frasier: So drink hearty, Franklin, and LAUGH! Because you have made a pactwith BEELZEBUB!!! AND HER NAME IS MARY ANNE!!!
    • Frasier's reaction when he finds out Diane is back is also priceless. It is so ridiculously over the top.
    • A subtler moment from the end of the episode has Frasier walk out the bar door, only to come out after a beat, realizing it's a stage door that doesn't go anywhere.
    Frasier: Force of habit.
    Diane: I've been doing it all week!
  • "Shrink Rap":
    Niles: How dare you try to steal my group!
    Frasier: I don't need your group! I've got a group of my own, half a million strong!
    Niles: Oh yes, your legions! Why don't you rent a farm, pass out the body paint and call it FrasierStock!
  • From the cruise ship episode, where Frasier, Roz and Niles are trapped hiding in the bathroom of Maris's suite:
    Roz: It's ok, I think she's gone....Oh wait! I see her coat on the hat-rack.
    Frasier: Look closer, is the hat-rack moving?
    Roz: Oh my GOD!!
    • And after Roz and Frasier meet the Barracuda:
    Frasier: Oh yes Roz, say something amusing in Esperanto!
  • "Roz and the Schnoz" is one of the funniest episodes in the series as well, when Roz finds out the grandparents of her unborn child have gigantic noses - and they are completely oblivious to the fact, which leaves everyone in stitches when they're not watching.
    Paula: Do you mind if I ask? Is this homemade or store-bought?
    Steve: Honey, don't ask that! Pardon my wife, sometimes she gets a little nosey.
    Paula: Me nosey? You're the nosey one in the family.
    Steve: Anyone who knows you knows you're nosey!
    Paula: Anyone who knows you knows you're nosier!
    (At this point, Niles, Daphne and Martin are mightily struggling to keep from collapsing in laughter. Even Frasier finally cracks and guffaws in the kitchen.)
    • Frasier tries to console Roz, but she says what everyone is probably thinking:
      Frasier: You know Roz, in spite of a rather shaky beginning, I think this evening's turned out rather well.
      Roz: Oh yeah, and you were absolutely right, Frasier. Now I can see some of the qualities my baby can have. A great sense of humor... a sweet disposition... a nose like an ANTEATER!!
    • Finally, Roz gets some relief that Rick, the father, had a normal nose. Then she learns that Rick broke his nose in a hockey accident, and had plastic surgery to fix it. Steve and Paula give her a picture of Rick from before the surgery. After they leave, Roz's reaction to the picture is predictable:
      Roz: Oh my GOD!
      Frasier: Oh, come on, Roz! It can't be that bad, let me have a look!
      Roz: No, no way, no! I'll never hear the end of it!
      Frasier: Please.
      (Roz shows Frasier the photos. He looks... and quickly shows them to Niles and Daphne. They stare.)
      Niles: (awed) Where is the end of it?
  • Frasier and Niles have asked two women they've just met to come away for the weekend, but they're not sure if the women think everything's purely platonic:
    Niles: These women are inscrutable as sphinxes!
    Frasier: Yes, they've got us into some most veiled, cloaked, cryptic messages. Can't they just give us one clear signal?!
    Beth: Well, I'm going to bed. Niles, are you coming? [Beat]
    Niles: Curse these infernal riddles!
  • One of Niles' most magnificent brotherly putdowns, in an episode where he's been bragging about the new apartment complex he's living in:
    Frasier: I don't think this building can be as exclusive as you said. Your doorman just waved me right through.
    Niles: Well, he recognised you.
    Frasier: (preening) Oh! A fan of my show?
    Niles: No. He lives in your building.
  • This scene from the episode where Frasier goes into private practice.
  • In one of the episodes where Lilith comes back, and Martin knocks on the front door and asks Frasier in a bad whisper- "Is the witch gone yet?" and sees her over Frasier's shoulder. "Oh, Lilith! I was just asking Frasier- is my twitch gone yet?" Complete with very bad fake facial tic. To which Lilith only deadpans, "Skillfully done, Martin."
  • The episode where Lilith reveals that she's getting remarried. Everyone stares at her for a moment until she clarifies that it's to someone other than Frasier. Martin then throws his cane aside and staggers halfway across the room to hug her. This is probably the fastest he's ever moved on the show.
  • The episode where Frasier encourages everyone to celebrate the leap year by taking a chance. Martin mentions how Daphne is always talking about wanting to change her hairstyle and then proceeds to imitate her accent. In addition to being hilarious, it's just so....weird. Doubly so because John Mahoney is British!
    • Speaking of that episode—some of the most hilarious moments of the entire show are in this episode, from Roz gushing about a guy she met on a bus on the air (and her freak-out when she realizes what she just said)...to the snowball gag of Niles's exponentially increasing libido, after having gone for months without sex.
    "NILES GOTTA HAVE IT!"
    • Daphne's reaction to her awful haircut, urged by Frasier:
      Daphne: (sobbing) Take a leap! Mr. Maurice hair-designer! Trust me! Children pointing! Your fault!
    • Finally...after everybody else's "Leap Day" plans get shot to hell, Frasier backs out of singing an aria for a PBS drive and falls back on his ""Buttons & Bows"" routine... without rehearsing.
      Let's all go to a taco show! Mebby hawd and beddy hose, something and something and buttons and bows!
    • "WHO WATCHES PBS?!....I'll tell you who..."
  • Quite a bit of the episode "The Focus Group", which is at its funniest when Frasier is bugging the guy to tell him why he doesn't like him, while Niles watches from a distance and narrates for Martin. Results in this gem:
    Niles: He's crushed his hand...and commandeered his newsstand.
  • The moment in "Boo" when Frasier - tired of being the butt of Martin's practical jokes - retaliates by pretending to leave the apartment, dressing in a clown outfit, hiding in the bathroom and then leaping out with a meat cleaver in hand when Martin passes by...causing Martin to promptly collapse with a heart attack and have to be rushed to hospital.
  • The last straw.
    Frasier: Niles, look at yourself.
    (Niles glances down at his naked self.)
    Niles: Hello! (to Frasier) I think I'm having that dream where I'm naked at Nervosa!
    Frasier: I think a lot of people are having that dream.
  • A side arc in "She's The Boss" revolves around Niles trying to get a gun for defense, as the security at his house is screwing up. The second time he appears, he's bought a starter's pistol, and while explaining to Martin that it gives Maris a sense of safety, he accidentally fires it. Frasier (who's been spending the entire scene trying to get some sleep) runs out of his room freaking out about what just happened.
    Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
    Niles: And there's no need to get snippy, accidents happen, you know.
    Frasier: I'm sorry, was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be GUNPLAY IN MY LIVING ROOM!
    • In the same, Frasier is once again forced to sleep days, and Eddie - who is wearing a protective dog collar - starts barking upstairs at the dog who injured him. This causes Frasier to explode as well.
      Frasier: I asked you to keep that dog quiet and instead you OUTFIT HIM WITH A MEGAPHONE!
      • And the end credits where Martin is having trouble with the TV, so Daphne puts Eddie on it to fix the reception.
    • When Frasier rages at Daphne with incredibly misogynistic insults, Martin marvels at Daphne for keeping her cool. She calmly says that it's part of her job. However, she calls Eddie to take a walk with a very loud whistle, causing Frasier to scream in pain offscreen.
    • Also from that episode, Frasier's...raunchy broadcast.
    Frasier: In other words, WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT SEX? Sex, sex, sex sex sex sex sex!
    • While Roz laces up her leather bustier, this is doctor Frasier Crane, KACL, all talk, all night, all naked!
    • Also the part where Frasier starts stripping in the booth:
    Roz: While Dr. Crane strips, our new station manager would like to know if you prefer to be the spanker or the spankee?
    Caller: Oh, definitely the spanker.
    Frasier: Well, then hop in a cab! I'm not wearing any pants! [swings them above his head as Roz whoops]
  • From "Halloween". Niles is on the phone with Maris as Frasier and Daphne pretend to be Merry Olde English lovers, to Niles' consternation.
    Daphne: Join me in my bedchamber, my lord?
    Frasier: After you, my juicy wench!
    Niles: "My juicy wench"?! (into phone) No, no, not you, Maris! Wait, wait! (to Frasier) I hope you're happy, she's run for her water pills!
  • In "Shrink Rap", Frasier and Niles start a clinic together. After they get on each other's nerves too much, they walk out from the therapy session they're holding to have a discussion outside, and we get this gem:
    Niles: I'm warning you, Frasier, I have made a fist and I am thinking of using it!
    Frasier: You are not scaring me—the thumb goes on the outside, Niles!
  • Frasier's deliciously hammy reaction after buying a sound system with gigantic speakers for Martin.
    Frasier: My God ... it's Stonehenge.
  • "Dr. Crane, your glockenspiel has sprung to life!"
  • The opening scene from "Frasier Grinch" where Frasier tries to read a fable on the air while the office Christmas party is going on. It's better than it sounds.
    • Frasier tries to maintain his integrity while a woman the others are trying to mess with him with a woman in a Sexy Santa outfit. He does (for the most part,) finally exiting while holding on to his dignity, only to come back in, shouting "Oh, what am I, a robot?" and kissing her passionately.
    • "One (blows out Bulldog's light) night, one (blows out the lighter again) windy night..."
  • When Lilith visits to announce her next husband left her... for a man.
    Niles: Damn, I owe dad $5.
  • "Frasier Has Spokane":
    Herm Evans: Hey, what's this over here? Free liquor?!? note 
  • Daphne, now a member of the Crane family, shows she's really a member by throwing a dinner party. You can see where we're going here...
  • Only Frasier could take a simple request for a pre-show jingle and turn it into this.
    Daphne: It was like Gilbert and Sullivan - only frightening.
  • Almost everything about the episode "The Doctor is Out".
    Niles: (yelling to Frasier in the gay bar, just as the loud music cuts out) WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE ME HOME!?
    • Shortly before, when the techno blares out in full force, Frasier starts bobbing to the beat.
    • Patrick Stewart giving a nice twist on the Gaydar trope—in that his character is himself gay. His reaction to Niles being married to Daphne:
    Sir Patrick: No.
    Daphne: Oh, it's true—we're expecting!
    Sir Patrick: Can't say I was...!
  • In "The First Temptation of Daphne", a particularly noisy cricket invades the apartment.
    Frasier: Dear god, can't you make him shut up!?
    Martin: That prayer doesn't get answered around here.
  • In "The Apparent Trap", Niles is going to say goodbye to Freddy and finds him playing a PS2. Freddy gets him to play and everything afterwords is pure gold.
    Freddy: That's your guy, you've just escaped from an intergalactic maximum-security prison pod.
    Niles: Like they could hold me.
    Niles immediately dies by falling over in the training level.
    • He then spends the entire episode failing at the game, and when Lilith comes through to talk to him, she takes the controller and starts playing. Extremely well.
    • At the instant when Lilith enters the room, the game character screams.
  • After a mishap concerning getting out of paying for a parking garage he didn't use, Frasier rushes back to KACL in time to finish his show. Unfortunately, Roz, in her attempts to fill in for him, unintentionally told everyone that she slept with Frasier. When asked about what happened during "the incident", Frasier describes the parking garage incident instead.
    "Well, it certainly wasn't my finest hour. I got in, realized I made a mistake and then tried like hell to get out. There was a lot of shouting and then a line started to form behind me. You'd be surprised how long 20 minutes can be when you're watching the clock. Fortunately, my brother was there to serve as moral support, and (let's face it) someone to talk to. At least, in the end, I got out of there without paying the four dollars."
  • There's an absolutely hysterical Funny Background Event at the end of "The Proposal". Daphne has just accepted Niles' proposal after Frasier has surreptitiously ushered out the musicians, waiters and angels who he and Niles had hired to make it memorable. A man with a trumpet walks out of the bedroom upstairs, about to play a fanfare as Daphne and Niles embrace... And Frasier tackles him back into the room.
  • Martin's date in "Out with Dad". Especially when he pretends Niles is his boyfriend.
  • From "Moon's Over Seattle"
    Frasier: Hey dad how was work?
    Martin: Oh, great. I finally busted that guy who was writing "Seymour Butz" on the sign-out sheets.
    Frasier: So who was it?
    Martin: Senior vice-President Butz. I'm on probation for a week.
  • From "Dr. Nora", three words: "YOU LITTLE WHORE!!!" The Stunt Casting makes it even better, since Nora's mother is played by Piper Laurie, a woman rather famous for slut-shaming her daughter.
  • The third act of "Frasier Crane's Day Off", in which Frasier returns to his studio drugged to the gills on prescription drugs because he believes that Niles is trying to steal his radio slot, and chaos ensues. As Niles put it:
    Niles: [as security chase Frasier past the booth] Bravo, Frasier, for so brilliantly demonstrating why they call it "dope"!
  • Martin making no attempt whatsoever to hide his notice of Diane's facial tic, especially John Mahoney's delivery of "There it is again!"
  • Niles' guided tour of his new apartment in the Shangri-La, especially the 'master bedroom' and the heavy hints as to what became of its last tenant.
  • "The Two Mrs. Cranes": the Snowball Lie. Once Martin is clued into it, he starts screwing with everyone. The web of lies becomes so messy, everyone has to pause before deciding it's safe to give Eddie's name.
    • Not to mention the beautiful punchline to the entire thing.
    Daphne: We're not the horrible people you think we are!
    Frasier: Yes! The truth is - we've been lying to you all night!
    • And there's also Niles' elated giggle after Daphne introduces him as her husband.
  • Niles thinks he's high on a pot brownie and is looking forward to the munchies. His idea of the munchies is pairing a Chilean seabass with an aggressive zinfandel.
  • Niles and Daphne avert the Law of Inverse Fertility. It started with her mistaking a pregnancy test for an ovulation test, then they put two and two together...
    Niles: But, my slow sperm...
    Daphne: I must have fast eggs.
  • From "Love Bites Dog", Niles decides to advertise his practice, and gives Frasier a copy of the ad.
    Frasier: All right. (reading) "Dr. Niles Crane. Jung specialist. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts". Well thatís just excellent Niles. All youíre missing now is a very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head!
    Niles: Sorry I didnít hear you. I was too distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus.
  • In "Daphne Returns", after Niles realizes that he's been idealising Daphne too much for too long and needs to come to terms with the fact that she's flawed and human rather than put her on a pedestal, he decides to confront her insecurities head-on and demonstrate to her that he is willing to do this. Unfortunately, he decides to do this by insulting her cooking, much to her annoyance, which leads to an argument where certain other truths are revealed:
    Niles: Then I don't know what you want! I can't read minds, you know! And by the way, neither can you.
    Daphne: [Offended] Are you saying I'm not psychic?!
    Niles: Not if you thought I loved your cooking!
  • In "Mother Load: Part I", Frasier tries to get Daphne's mother and brother out of the apartment by praising the wonders of America with an inspirational speech (while in a feud with the apartment above):
    Frasier: "This land is rich with snow-covered mountains, sun-kissed beaches, wild, untamed rivers and a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States — this America!" (enormous American flag unrolls over the windows directly behind him)
    Niles: How did you do that?
  • In "Deathtrap", Frasier and Niles stumble upon a disembodied skull. Their dramatic reactions are definitely something to behold—and the camera work brings it Up to Eleven:
    Niles: So...perhaps the poor fellow...met his end in some—some sort of...violent accident!
    Frasier: Violent, yes... (looks up at Niles)...but an accident...?
    Niles: (MAJOR pull to close-up; long pause; eyes bulge) MURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDER!!!
    Frasier: MURDERRRRRRRRRRRRRR MOST FOUUUUUUUUUUUUUL!!!
    • The funniest part is that the audience already knows it's a fake skull from a previous scene in Flashback showing young Frasier and Niles talking about getting it for their play, then losing it.
  • Frasier giving a stripper pointers on showmanship.
  • In "Dark Victory," Niles tries to go home during a blackout, but soon after comes back to the apartment gasping heavily and looking terrified.
    Niles: Nineteen floors—down to my car!—Garage door's electric!—Can't open!—Twenty floors back up!—Lost count!—Bad lady upstairs!—Big dog!—Need place to die!
  • In "Tales From The Crypt": The rehearsal for the "zombie" prank (especially Martin's sarcastic acting)—and the grand finale.
  • In "The Show Where Sam Shows Up", Sam's fiancee admits to having sex with members of Cheers. Frasier slept with her as well, but he's afraid Sam will be upset if he found out. However, she says that she was embarrassed about sleeping with Paul (the dumpy balding barfly). Sam is... sort of... okay with that. But then:
    Sam: Cliff? Cliff... you? You slept with Cliff? CLIFF?! Oh no, that's it, wedding's off! (storms away) Cliff - oh, God!
    Sheila: Whoa... Frasier, you've got to help me. You've got to talk to him.
    (Frasier sits down on the couch, in full Heroic BSOD)
    Frasier: I slept with a woman who slept with Cliff?!
    • During The Stinger, Frasier is castigating himself, "Cliff? Cliff?! CLIFF?!?!" (You don't hear him say anything, but the lip-reading isn't too difficult.)
  • In "Ain't Nobody's Business if 'I Do'", Daphne is worried about the future of her job if Martin marries Sherry, to which Niles tries to console her:
    Niles: I could certainly use you... I would know of a position you could... Services you could... A hole that needs...
    (Niles grabs the cheque)
    Niles: This is on me.
  • Here's one from the episode "Frasier-Lite":
    Frasier: Good team, good friends. (realizing his weight loss team is going to the birthday party to get cake) Good God! People, please, it's not worth it! It's sheet cake!
    • Later, just before the final weigh-in:
    Noel: I see giant steaks with legs.
    Bulldog: You're hallucinating. (slaps Noel) Just pull it together.
    Kenny: Uh, no, he's right. It's the Beef Council dancers, they're on after us.
  • Niles' vignette in "Three Valentines", "A Valentine for Niles." Comparisons to Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplain are not unwarranted.
    • It was billed as "The funniest five minutes on television" in the ads. They're right. The only sound is the soundtrack, and it is perfect.
  • John Glenn in the recording studio, while Roz and Frasier are having a discussion. The Selectively Oblivious astronaut-turned-senator goes on a spiel about his days in the space program...giving an increasingly strong implication that he and the other astronauts were told to cover up some of the things they saw up there....
  • The episode where Lilith wants Frasier to "donate" so they can have another child—specifically, the moment where, after she leaves the apartment, Frasier and Martin have the discussion. While Frasier reflects on the situation, Martin absently goes off on a tangent about how Lilith has "seen what the Crane genes can do"...which leads to him speculating that if Frasier turns Lilith down, she'll go to Niles—who would in turn her down...which would lead to...
    Martin: She'll go straight to the source...! (Look of horror) ...Me...! The fountainhead...!
    Frasier: (Long pause) What?
    • Martin then goes on a tangent about the complications in family dynamics that would cause....
    • Also from that episode: The prolonged sequence when Frasier is in the private room in the sperm clinic—and Lilith keeps knocking on the door to give him pointers—leading to an epic—
    Frasier: IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT I CAN DO BY MYSELF...!
  • Frasier and Niles pretending to know about bikes.
    Niles: Call me crazy but I like a bouncy tire.
    Fraiser: Two bouncy tires, and a taut chain. ...That's good ridin'.

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