[[folder:Season 1]]
[[AC:106: The Crucible]]
* At the beginning of the episode, Frasier comes up with a creative way to get his listeners to call in...
-->'''Frasier:''' You're listening to KACL, 780 on your AM dial. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. All our lines are open, so please, give us a call. ''[{{Beat}}]'' I'm just... sitting here waiting. ''[{{Beat}}]'' Hey, Seattle! Come on, I know you're out there! ''[fake laughs]'' Hey, look, I realise it's a, it's a sunny day, but, uh, on all those rainy days, ''I'' was there for ''you! [{{Beat}}]'' Well! All right then. If, uh, that's the way you want it, you leave me no recourse. ''[Roz looks confused]'' Uh... ''[sings]'' [[Music/DeanMartin WHE-E-E-EN THE-E-E-E MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA-]] ''[the switchboard lights up like a Christmas tree]'' That seems to have got you going there! Okay!

[[AC:109: Selling Out]]
* Frasier blasting Roger (Carl Reiner), a listener whose "problem" is he can't decide what to name his luxury yacht:
-->'''Frasier''': Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now... I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.

[[AC:111: Death Becomes Him]]
* The scene where, after spending an entire episode worrying about his mortality, [[ItMakesSenseInContext including getting Martin and Niles little labels to put on the things they want bequeathed to them]], Frasier finally calms down after a late-night talk with Martin. Just as they're heading off to bed... Martin mentions there's something on Frasier's robe. He checks, and with the utmost air of disgust... "''Niles''." (Niles had also earlier tried to trick Frasier out of pouring from a certain bottle of wine because he wanted it.)
-->'''Frasier:''' The vultures are circling...

[[AC:112: Miracle on Third or Fourth Street]]
* The first scene in the Crane household has Niles drinking a glass of eggnog. When he puts the glass down on the table for a moment, Eddie proceeds to drink a bit of it. Niles then drinks from the glass again with a confused look on his face.

[[AC:113: Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast]]
* Martin has announced that he is going on a date with a lady who lives in the same building as them. Niles gets this little grin on his face, and Martin, without turning around, snaps "Niles, wipe that stupid smirk off your face!"
* One of Frasier's callers, Al (Music/HenryMancini[[note]] Making the last of his few appearances as an actor rather than as a composer or musician.[[/note]]), is lamenting that he hates the sound of his own voice; Frasier and Roz clearly don't like it either, as they have long since stopped paying attention to him. Frasier sticks a backscratcher in the end of his sleeve as though it's his hand and taps on the glass of Roz' booth, making her laugh as he holds his backscratcher hand to his face in a thoughtful gesture and then scratches his underarm with it; Roz then goes one better by sticking the chopsticks from her Chinese take-away lunch in her mouth as though they're walrus tusks and completes the impression by flapping her elbows as though they're flippers, and soon it's all Frasier and Roz can do to keep Al from finding out how hard they're laughing at each other's antics.

[[AC:114: Can't Buy Me Love]]
* The BachelorAuction, run by a former fellow cop of Martin's for a Widows and Orphans benefit, is pure hilarity.
** The tone is set by the [[AllWomenAreLustful hormone-addled screaming]] we can hear coming from the ladies in the audience - described by Frasier as a "Rotweiler pit" - as the announcer introduces Bachelor #18, "public television's own cute and cuddly Mr. Science". As Martin enters the green room, we can hear the announcer shouting "Please, please, keep articles of clothing off the stage!"
** Martin recognises Bachelor #19 as Seahawks linebacker T.J. "The Enforcer" Smith, who has put two quarterbacks in the hospital so far that season. When his number is called, he begs Martin not to make him go on stage, and when he returns with a ThousandYardStare, describing the women as "like sharks at a feeding frenzy", he explains that the winning bid was placed by a woman with "this crazed look in her eye". The identity of said woman comes as no surprise:
--->'''Roz:''' ''[entering the green room with a hungry look]'' Where do I pay?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[jumping to his feet]'' Roz!\\
'''Roz:''' I saw what I wanted and I went after it! ''[T.J. takes one step toward the opposite door]'' STAY!
** Frasier is Bachelor #20; Martin suggests that if things are flagging a bit, he should drop a quarter and take his time picking it up. When he comes off stage, the winner having bid $500 for him, he says the last thing he can remember is someone shouting "Shake your money maker!"
** Finally, Bachelor #21, Bulldog, is called to the stage... and returns mere minutes later. He brushes it off by noting that most of the ladies had already exhausted their budgets for the evening. Then the winning bidder enters the green room with the same look most of the bachelors had when they left the stage, a look not helped by the backside slap Bulldog gives her on his way to the bathroom...
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh my God, Daphne, why??\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[dazed, handing her cheque over to the purser]'' Things were slowing down, so your father asked me to shill! I opened at $100! Who knew that would be the only bid?
* But it turns out to be Bulldog who regrets Daphne's purchase; he takes her to a Seattle Sonics game, and she goes through a vast quantity of champagne... and turns out to be a talkative and belligerent drunk, with unfortunate consequences for Bulldog when she starts picking fights with the drivers honking at their limousine as they try to get out of the Seattle Center Coliseum car park:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[over the honking of other cars]'' Well that's annoying, isn't it. Certainly is taking a long time getting out of this parking lot. Did I mention this was my first basketball game? Yes, of course I did, three or four times. I still can't get over those players. They're positively gi-''gan''-tic! Not that being tall is the only measure of a man. ''[{{Beat}}]'' But it's a bloody good one! ''[doubles over laughing; Bulldog is not so amused]'' Oh, dear, I just insulted you, didn't I! I'm sorry. Oh well, you can take it, you're a tough little nut! ''[backhands Bulldog in the chest; his good mood is eroding more every second]'' Oh dear. This is not good. Not good at all.\\
'''Bulldog:''' What, you don't like the champagne?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[peering into her glass as though looking into a microscope]'' No - I can see the bottom of me glass! ''[laughs]''\\
'''Bulldog:''' ''[laughs as well]'' Well, bottoms up! ''[refills her glass]''\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, you are a naughty boy! Now, don't go getting any ideas! Oh, look who I'm saying this to. [[DumbJock You don't have an idea in your head!]] ''[doubles over laughing again; Bulldog has the sort of forced grin that must be hurting his cheek muscles]'' Ah, I did it again, I insulted ya! Let's drink to that! ''[clonks her glass against Bulldog's forehead, spilling half of her drink and not helping his mood one bit]'' Boom! ''[laughs again; the honking of other cars gets louder]'' Oh, now, that is downright rude. ''[rolls down the window and yells through a yellow plastic megaphone]'' Hey you there! You in the Firebird! Yes, you! Stop that honking! ''[HONK HONK]'' Oh, now, now, just because you look stupid doesn't mean you have to act stupid!\\
'''Bulldog:''' Hey! Hey, hey, don't aggravate him, we're, we're kind of pinned in here!\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, tosh! Civilisation's not going to progress ''one'' iota unless someone points out when people's manners are remiss!\\
'''Firebird driver:''' ''[HONK]'' MOVE IT!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[through megaphone]'' '''AWW, SHUT YOUR BLOODY CAKEHOLE!'''\\
'''Bulldog:''' ''[pulling Daphne back]'' HEY! Don't do that- oh, great, he's gettin' out of his car! ''[sound of a car door opening and closing]''\\
'''Daphne:''' Oooh, he's a tall one, too!\\
'''Bulldog:''' Quick, quick, roll up the window, lock the door! ''[does so]''\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[smacks Bulldog's hands away]'' Oh, don't be stupid, he's not going to hurt a woman! ''[starts rolling the window down again]''\\
'''Bulldog:''' ''[starting to panic]'' Just roll it up, roll it up! ''[tries to roll the window up again, only for the opposite door to open; the Firebird driver grabs Bulldog by his feet and starts dragging him out]''\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[trying to drag Bulldog back]'' Oh, you let him go! Get your bloody paws off him! LET HIM GO, YOU BIG UGLY OAF!\\
'''Bulldog:''' ''[as Daphne loses her grip]'' '''[[BigShutUp SHUT UP!!]]''' ''[he is finally dragged out of the car as Daphne shadowboxes toward the Firebird driver, who closes the door after him]''\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[looking out of the window]'' Oh! Well... we're moving. ''[rolls down the window and yells through the megaphone, turning her head to look back as the car moves forward]'' Thank you, [[AccidentalMisnaming Pitbull!]] I had a lovely time!... ''[she picks up the champagne bottle and one of the glasses and tries to pour herself another glass while slowly falling over sideways]''
* In TheStinger, Frasier, Martin, and Eddie have joined Daphne, who looks much the worse for wear, in the back of the limousine. While Eddie hangs his head out of the window, Frasier pours himself and Martin a glass of champagne each, but Daphne declines, choosing instead to drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water.

[[AC:116: The Show Where Lilith Comes Back]]
* Lilith's role as a SitcomArchNemesis is established in her very first appearance; while this usually takes the form of quips directed ''at'' her, her very first line is a classic quip ''from'' her.
-->'''Lilith''': Congratulations, Frasier, you've done it again. You've led another unsuspecting innocent down one of your dark, dead-end Freudian hallways.\\
'''Frasier''': Well, Seattle, we have a celebrity of sorts on the line. This is my ex-wife, Lilith.\\
'''Lilith''': ''[perplexed]'' What do you mean, "celebrity"?\\
'''Frasier''': ''[darkly]'' Oh, they know you.\\
'''Lilith''': I'm here for a convention, and I happened to hear your voice on the radio. I kept hoping you'd introduce Pearl Jam's latest hit, but much to my chagrin, you were doling out worthless little advice pellets from your psychiatric Pez dispenser.
* Roz suggests that Frasier and Lilith have dinner. Since Lilith has called into Frasier's show, he must be gracious and make the invitation through clenched teeth, but he writes "You're FIRED" on a piece of paper and holds it up to Roz with a glower. Roz has already written "I'm union" on a file folder to answer him, and she holds it up with a smirk without missing a beat.

[[AC:117: A Mid-Winter Night's Dream]]
* Niles's story about his failed attempt at sexual roleplay, starting from the moment he reveals his ''Pirates of Penzance''-esque costume.
-->'''Martin:''' ''[taking in the sight of Niles' costume]'' ...never mind, I don't want to know.\\
'''Niles:''' No, Dad, wait, there's a perfectly reasonably explanation for the way I'm dressed.\\
'''Frasier:''' All right, just keep in mind that I reserve the right to say "stop" at any time.\\
'''Niles:''' Although, technically is it still an eye-patch when you're wearing it on your-?\\
'''Frasier:''' Stop!
** And, as Niles sprawls desolately across an armchair, quite piratically:
'''Niles:''' I'll never be able to face the maid again.\\
'''Martin:''' I don't think it's your ''face'' she'll remember. (cracks up)
* The second half of the episode opens with one of the funnier title card gags of the series:
* Daphne offers to cook a romantic dinner for Niles and Maris to help them reconcile, but, per the title card, a violent thunderstorm moves in over the Seattle area and not only prevents Maris from returning from the spa in Arizona to which she fled after her and Niles' misunderstanding, but also knocks out the electricity to Niles and Maris' mansion. Cut to Frasier overhearing Martin speaking to Daphne by phone, advising her to stay the night rather than risk going out into the storm. Frasier muses that at least Niles, whose crush on Daphne is reaching boiling point, won't try anything with Maris in the house. Then Martin reveals that Maris is in Arizona, and Frasier bolts to his feet, shouting "I've got to get Daphne out of there!"
-->'''Frasier:''' My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is [[Literature/WutheringHeights someone shouting "Heathcliff!" across the moors!]]
* Meanwhile, Daphne, having had to walk a hundred yards in the pouring rain after a tree blew down across Niles and Maris' driveway, has changed into a silk dress and cape, the only clothes of Maris' that fit her, and Niles' mind quickly short circuits. He finally has the presence of mind to leave the room and call Frasier for advice, but as Frasier and Martin are already on the road, the only person to hear Niles' desperate message is a very interested-looking Eddie.
* Inevitably, Frasier and Martin spend most of the drive to Niles and Maris' house arguing about the route and Frasier's taste in cars. When the car finally stalls with their destination in sight, Frasier bolts out of the car and runs for the house. And even for that, Martin has some advice, which Frasier takes with his usual grace and dignity:
-->'''Martin:''' You'll make better time if you take the shortcut by the side of the fountain!... ''[offended]'' Well, same to you!
* As the romantic tension between Niles and Daphne reaches its zenith, with the two of them curled up in front of the fire as each consoles the other over their recent romantic setbacks, a Glockenspiel clock which Niles and Maris bought on their honeymoon and which has been silent for years suddenly revives, leading to this gem from Daphne:
-->'''Daphne:''' [[DoubleEntendre Dr. Crane, your glockenspiel has sprung to life!]]
* Though most viewers probably know the true object of Niles' love that has re-awakened the clock, he interprets it as a sign that, for all the ups and downs of his marriage to her, he really does love Maris. The sight of her newly exfoliated face across the breakfast table, or sharing a laugh when they see someone wearing white after Labor Day... all part of what makes her special in his eyes. And he assures Daphne that she will find a man worthy of her love "just as soon as the gods create him," prompting her to give him a kiss of gratitude on the cheek - just in time for Frasier to arrive, hammering on the window like [[Creator/DustinHoffman Ben Braddock]] in the wedding scene in ''Film/TheGraduate''. Daphne is outraged on Niles' behalf that Frasier thought he was taking advantage of her, but her recital of what Niles loves about Maris loses something in translation:
-->'''Daphne:''' Why, just moments ago he made a beautiful speech about how much he loves his wife, how he cherishes her excruciating little face, and how they laugh at white people! ''[Frasier looks at first Daphne, then Niles with absolute confusion; Niles looks a bit embarrassed, while Daphne ponders what she has just said]'' That didn't sound right, did it?\\
'''Niles:''' Close enough.
* Over the closing credits, Frasier merrily playing the piano while everyone sings -- except for Martin, who's locked outside in the storm and banging on the windows much like Frasier was earlier, unable to make himself heard.

[[AC:119: Give Him the Chair!]]
* Frasier throws out Martin's chair while he's out and has to get him a new one before he gets back. He goes with Niles to the furniture store and fumble their way around before finally setting on a chair. No one is exactly pleased with the chair until the showman turns on the massage.
** Niles' reaction in the store is funny enough...
--->'''Niles:''' I never knew a chair could be this satisfying! ...I never knew that ''anything'' could! ...I want it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Right, Niles. I'm sure it would fit in with all of Maris' eighteenth-century antiques.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, I'll just rent it an apartment and visit it on the side!
** ... but it's topped by Daphne's reaction once it's back in the apartment.
--->'''Daphne:''' This is comfy, although it's a little on the soft side, and I prefer- [[SomethingElseAlsoRises ...hello!... oh, oh!... ooh, this is enough to make me give up me search for a meaningful relationship!]]\\
''(someone approaches)''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, oh, quick! That's dad! Get out, get out, get out!!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''(clearly annoyed)'' Oh, alright! Just like a man: now you've had your fun, you don't care where I am!
** Then there's Martin's reaction.
--->'''Martin:''' ''(beat)'' '''''That's DISGUSTING!'''''

[[AC:123: Frasier Crane's Day Off]]
* With Frasier down with 'flu and no longer trusting Gil Chesterton to fill in for him without trying to steal his time slot, he sends Niles in as a replacement since he at least has the psychiatric training needed for the job. As the second act opens, Roz is showing him around Frasier's booth:
-->'''Roz:''' ... and here's the cough button in case you need to cough or clear your throat. ''[picks up a tape]'' And most important, here's an extra long commercial to use if you need a bathroom break.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[chuckles]'' Thank you, but those won't be necessary - I have no cough reflex, and excellent bladder control.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' It's true. All the good ones ''are'' married.
* In the third act, a now recovered Frasier returns to work, and thanks Gil and Niles for taking over from him during his indisposition, not taking in the decidedly sinister looks and waves they give him while watching him through the booth window. As Roz introduces his first caller, he presses a button... and his chair '''explodes'''. Cut to [[AllJustADream a still sick Frasier sitting up in bed in alarm.]]
* Fresh from his CatapultNightmare, Frasier is now paranoid that Niles is trying to steal his slot and returns to the studio drugged to the gills. He eventually locks himself in the booth, and chaos ensues as he cuts off one caller, Robert (Tommy Hilfiger) by saying they've already had a Robert on the show (partly because he isn't paying full attention when Robert originally introduces himself and thinks there are two Roberts), dismisses a second caller, Janice (Patty Hearst), who is having in-law trouble as "BORING!", then, after telling the third caller, Marjorie (Creator/MaryTylerMoore), that she is "on the crane with Frasier Air", gets distracted while leading her in a roleplay conversation between her and her boss by suggesting they go through the exercise again but with their roles reversed. Roz is finally able to summon security, who wheel Frasier out of the booth in his chair. Niles tries to pass off the debacle as a simulation of the hazards of drugs and their side effects:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[as security chase Frasier past the booth]'' Bravo, Frasier, for so brilliantly demonstrating why they call it "dope"!

[[folder:Season 2]]
[[AC:202: The Unkindest Cut of All]]
* Frasier bringing the puppies to the station gives us two moments of hilarity.
** Frasier tries to convince Roz to adopt one of them. It seems to work for moment, but then immediately gives it back to him cold heartedly. [[EveryoneHasStandards Frasier, despite desperately wanting to get rid of them, is absolutely disgusted by her]].
** When Rita (Creator/LilyTomlin) describes how hard it is being a single mom raising four kids, Frasier [[ComedicSociopathy has the gall]] to ask her is she’s "considered getting a puppy".

[[AC:203: The Matchmaker]]
* The entire episode is one big SugarWiki/{{Funny Moment|s}} featuring one hilarious MistakenForGay joke after the other.

[[AC:204: Flour Child]]
* The title character is a bag of flour Niles "adopts" as a child to see how he would fare as a parent. Especially funny when it gets run through with a sword, drop-kicked into the reflecting pool, and eaten by Eddie. And Eddie ripping the 'flour child' apart in puffs of flour as Daphne looks mildly on and declares in an Australian accent, "[[Film/ACryInTheDark The dingo's got yer baby...]]"
-->'''Niles''': A real child would have cried before it burst into flames.
* Niles gets so attached to the bag of flour that he starts having nightmares of it being kidnapped and the kidnapper sending him [[FingerInTheMail muffins in the mail]].

[[AC:207: The Candidate]]
* Frasier endorses a candidate for congress, calling him 'the sane choice. Later, that candidate (Phil Paterson) reveals to Frasier that [[spoiler: [[AlienAbduction he believes he was abducted by aliens]]. In a few weeks, a scandal goes out about Paterson having illegal ''aliens'' working for him. Frasier believes that it has been made public that Paterson believes in actual aliens. [[NiceJobBreakingItHero He attempts to remedy the public's doubt by talking about it on his radio show, only for him to blow the whole 'alien abduction' thing public, too]].]]
--> '''Paterson:''' [[ThePollyanna It's OK, Frasier. Maybe I'll try running for office in California instead.]] [[TakeThat Something like this might actually help me there.]]

[[AC:209: Adventures in Paradise, Part 1]]
* The entire scene of Frasier settling a domestic dispute inside a French restaurant. [[https://youtu.be/UqiR38rQPTY Watch for yourselves]].

[[AC:209: Adventures in Paradise, Part 2]]
* Lilith reveals that she's getting remarried. Everyone stares at her for a moment until she clarifies that it's to someone other than Frasier. Martin then throws his cane aside and staggers halfway across the room to hug her. This is probably the fastest he's ever moved on the show.
* Diane's first appearance on ''Frasier'', despite being an ImagineSpot:
-->'''Diane:''' '''''Frasier?!'''''

[[AC:216: The Show Where Sam Shows Up]]
* Sam's fiancee admits to having sex with members of Cheers. Frasier slept with her as well, but he's afraid Sam will be upset if he found out. However, she says that she was embarrassed about sleeping with Paul (the dumpy balding barfly). Sam is... sort of... okay with that. But then:
-->'''Sam:''' Cliff? ''Cliff''... you? You slept with ''Cliff''? '''''CLIFF?!''''' Oh no, that's it, wedding's ''off''! ''(storms away)'' Cliff - '''''oh, God!''''' \\
'''Sheila:''' Whoa... Frasier, you've got to help me. You've got to talk to him.\\
''(Frasier sits down on the couch, in full HeroicBSOD)''\\
'''Frasier:''' I slept with a woman who slept with Cliff?!
* During TheStinger, Frasier is castigating himself, "Cliff? Cliff?! CLIFF?!?!" (You don't hear him say anything, but the lip-reading isn't too difficult.)

[[AC:217: Daphne's Room]]
* As the episode opens, Frasier is searching the living room for a book. As he walks over to the piano, he starts picking out the melody from the second movement of [[Music/WolfgangAmadeusMozart Mozart's]] Piano Concerto No.21, but soon shifts to a four-note ascending scale... which he recognises as the intro to Music/JerryLeeLewis' "Great Balls of Fire". So he sits down and launches into a full-throated rendition of the first verse, finishing with a Lewis-style glissando that spins him around on the bench - just in time to see Martin and Niles entering, at which point he quickly goes back to picking out the Mozart melody.
* Niles and Maris have had yet another bust-up after he foolishly took her at her word when she insisted that she wanted no acknowledgement whatever of her 40th birthday (not her first 40th birthday, according to Frasier). Martin tries suggesting perfume ("She gets hives"), chocolates ("Hypoglycaemic"), and roses ("Allergic"), but Niles comes up with the perfect solution - and is well aware that Frasier and Martin will not be on board for it:
-->'''Niles:''' I know! I'll throw a great big party for her this weekend. ''[gasps as inspiration strikes]'' It'll be a costumed ball, with a, a Louis ''Quatorze'' theme right down to the powdered wigs and the crushed velvet pantaloons! ''[hurries to the front door and opens it]'' May I presume you're both coming down with colds? ''[Frasier and Martin cough loudly; Niles smiles knowingly]'' And so it goes. ''[leaves]''

[[AC:221: An Affair to Forget]]
* One of Frasier's call-in patients puts him on the trail of a possible affair between Maris and her fencing instructor, Gunter. One can't-keep-his-mouth-shut moment later, Niles is leaping to conclusions and challenging the man to a duel. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PP5wZBGMA4 Here's the entire scene]].

[[AC:222: Agents in America, Part III]]
* The episode opens in Cafe Nervosa as Bebe Glaser (described by Niles when he spots her but blanks on her name as [[Theatre/{{Macbeth}} "Lady Macbeth without the sincerity"]]) tries to persuade Frasier to aggressively pursue a substantial raise as he negotiates his contract renewal at KACL. She claims to be getting offers from other radio stations every day, and finally Niles interjects:
-->'''Niles:''' Hello, I'm Niles, a person at the table. ''[extends his hand toward Bebe]''\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[shakes Niles' hand]'' Niles, thank God you're here, back me up. Give him some sound, brotherly advice.\\
'''Niles:''' She's the devil, Frasier - run fast, run far.
* Bebe later admits that there are no other job offers, but she does succeed in persuading the station to re-negotiate Frasier's contract from scratch. They celebrate with some champagne... and the next morning, Frasier is horrified to discover that he and Bebe ended up sleeping together. Martin and Daphne share his horror, but Niles, when he arrives, takes a slightly different tack:
-->'''Frasier:''' Well, all right, just go ahead, get your shots in!\\
'''Niles:''' No, no. I'm just glad you're all right. I would have assumed she killed after mating.
* The final act of the episode involves Bebe faking a suicide attempt in order to make Frasier look like a hero so the negotiations go into his favor. Frasier is not happy upon finding out, as he thought she was going to actually jump because he rejected her advances, down to outright calling her a "crazy bitch". Icing on the cake is provided by Bulldog's reasons for why she shouldn't jump:
-->'''Bulldog''': You got to save her, Doc. [[JerkWithAHeartOfJerk My contract's up in six weeks. She’s my agent, too]].

[[AC:223: The Innkeepers]]
* In the first scene, Gil reveals to Frasier, Roz, and his listeners that Orsini's, a faded star in Seattle's fine dining firmament, is closing its doors after 53 years. Niles arrives with a first edition of Creator/JohnSteinbeck's "Saint Katy the Virgin", and we get a hilarious exchange of snark between Niles and Roz:
-->'''Niles:''' Quite a charming book, really, it's a shame more people haven't read it.\\
'''Roz:''' Ooh, let's see!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[pulling the book away from her]'' Don't - touch! The smallest smudge decreases its value.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, Niles, guess what thriving Seattle night spot is closing its doors!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[gasps]'' Roz, you're moving! ''[Roz glares at him, grabs the book, and licks the cover before handing it back]''
* The minute details Frasier and Niles mull over after deciding to buy Orsini's in the second third are [[RewatchBonus even better after watching the whole episode]]. Their snobbish reaction when they realized they thought of the perfect name: ''Les Frères Heureux.''
--> '''Niles:''' It's friendly, inviting, yet just difficult enough to pronounce to intimidate the riffraff!
* The brothers, in fact, insist that the place will be ''really'' high-tone.
--> '''Frasier:''' Very exclusive. Unlisted number. No advertising.\\
'''Martin:''' Hey, don't stop there. Maybe you could station somebody on the roof with a machine gun to shoot at people who try to get in!
* The whole last third, set on opening night, becomes a perfect storm of pratfalls, squabbling, and humiliation. The DisasterDominoes start toppling early on when a confusion over the one-way doors in and out of the kitchen leads to two waiters getting a concussion and a broken nose and having to be taken to the hospital by the bartender, conflicting orders from Frasier and Niles about the soufflés lead the head chef to RageQuit, and when Niles gives a FieldPromotion to the sous-chef and comments that the governor has two members of the immigration bureau at his table, the rest of the kitchen staff flee in terror with a cry of "[[BilingualBonus Sacre merde!]]"
* So, inevitably, the regular cast are forced by Frasier to take over, with Niles as chef, Daphne as dishwasher, Roz as waitress, and Martin as bartender. The kitchen includes a tank of live eels, and Niles is in charge of killing one to cook it.
** "All right, stop it! Get a grip. You're not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before in our own kitchens in our own homes! Now quick, Niles, kill five eels."
** Then Niles asks how he's supposed to kill them, and Frasier tells him he can throw a toaster in the tank for all he cares. Frasier goes out to attend to the customers, and the lights dim.
** Niles decides to hack at an eel with a meat cleaver and is splashing like a moron.
---> '''Frasier:''' What in God's name are you doing? Just reach in there and get it over with!\\
'''Niles:''' Not until I'm sure it's dead!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''Oh, for Heaven's sake!''
** She stalks over, yanks an eel out of the tank, whips it around to smack it against the edge of the table, shoves it in Niles' hand and goes back to the other side of the kitchen. The brothers' expression...
** For extra laughs, pay closer attention [[SomethingElseAlsoRises to the eel Niles is holding]] after Daphne kills it.
* One customer tells Frasier that her veal piccata should be veal marsala. Frasier takes the plate back to the kitchen, and in less time than it takes to read this paragraph, Niles flings the veal over his shoulder to Daphne, who washes it off with the tap as Niles wipes down the plate and holds it out to catch the veal as Daphne flings it back; Niles then ladles marsala sauce over it and Frasier sprinkles garnish over it before taking it back out to the customer.
* The evening's dessert special is cherries jubilee, but Niles and Frasier keep adding more brandy to it without realising the other brother is doing the same. Eventually, the time comes to flambé the cherries, and... you can guess what happens next. The look on Frasier's face right after the explosion is hilarious. The look on Daphne's face when the emergency sprinklers go off (after a fifteen-second delay) is also priceless.
-->'''Roz:''' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YGTlRWBolc#t=04m50s Big blue flash. Cherries... everywhere.]]
* Only one customer is ''not'' outraged and infuriated.
--> '''Bulldog:''' [[YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame Great job, Doc!]] [[LoveableSexManiac My date's dress is stickin' to her like Saran Wrap!]]
* And at the end of the evening, we get the payoff of the increasingly patchy memory of long-serving waiter Otto, who has been put in charge of valet parking and keeps having to be reminded who Frasier is when he calls him over the radio. Frasier asks Otto to fetch the car of the customer who had been served the wrong sauce with her veal:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[to the angry, departing customers]'' Now for those of you who are leaving, please keep us in mind for your next special occasion. We plan many new and... exciting innovations in the weeks to come.\\
''[Otto drives the veal customer's car [[CarMeetsHouse straight through the restaurant wall]], sending the customers screaming and fleeing in a panic]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ... starting with our... our drive-through window.

[[AC:224: Dark Victory]]
* Niles tries to go home during a blackout, but soon after comes back to the apartment gasping heavily and looking terrified.
-->'''Niles:''' Nineteen floors--down to my car!--Garage door's electric!--Can't open!--Twenty floors back up!--Lost count!--Bad lady upstairs!--Big dog!--''Need place to die!''

[[folder:Season 3]]
[[AC:301: She's the Boss]]
* Because Frasier refuses new station boss Kate Costas' insistence that he give priority to "juicier" calls, she re-assigns him and Roz to a post-midnight graveyard time slot, forcing him to sleep days, and Eddie - who is wearing a protective dog collar - starts barking upstairs at the dog who injured him. This causes Frasier to explode as well.
-->'''Frasier:''' I asked you to keep that dog quiet and instead you outfit him with a '''megaphone!'''
* When Frasier, still angry at Kate for assigning him to a graveyard slot, takes his anger out on Daphne with incredibly misogynistic insults, Martin marvels at Daphne for keeping her cool. She calmly says that it's part of her job. However, she calls Eddie to take a walk with a ''very'' loud whistle, causing Frasier to scream in pain offscreen.
* As Daphne and Eddie leave, Niles arrives; the B plot revolves around him trying to get a gun for defense, as the security at his house is screwing up. At this point, he's bought a ''starter's pistol'', and while explaining to Martin that it gives Maris a sense of safety, he accidentally fires it. Frasier runs out of his room [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvMZ6GADNpY#t=318s freaking out about what just happened.]]
-->'''Niles:''' You see, as long as Maris thinks it's real, it makes her feel secure, and this way, no-one can get hurt! ''[as he gestures with the gun, he accidentally fires it toward the floor; he jumps up on the sofa in alarm as Martin nearly spills his coffee and Frasier comes barrelling out of his room]''\\
'''Frasier:''' WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? Was that a gunshot?!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[innocently]'' Morning, Frasier, just getting up?\\
'''Frasier:''' '''"JUST GETTING UP"!?''' Are you out of your mind?! A gun just went off in here!\\
'''Martin:''' Niles bought a starter's pistol. \\
'''Niles:''' Yes, and there's no need to get snippy, accidents happen, you know. \\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, I'm sorry, was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be '''''GUNPLAY IN MY LIVING ROOM!'''''
* That night, Frasier and Roz settle in for their first very early morning broadcast.
** Things start off badly; Frasier is sleep-deprived, Roz is cranky after having had to leave a date early to go to work, and their first caller, [[Creator/MatthewBroderick Mark,]] says he works at a 24-hour mini-mart and seems to think his picture on the security camera is a different person to the real him. Cut to later, and Frasier and Roz have both fallen asleep as another caller, [[Creator/CarrieFisher Phyllis,]] relates how she is being driven to despair by chronic insomnia. When they finally wake up, Frasier tries to cover for the fact that he hasn't been listening by telling Phyllis that things might seem clearer to her after a good night's sleep; an outraged and insulted Phyllis slams down the phone. The increasingly frazzled Frasier and Roz proceed to turn on the only available targets: each other.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[as Roz knocks on the glass and signals that he should go to commercial]'' Oh. Oh. And now, for a word from, um, uh, argh... ''[leafs through the papers on his console]'' someone... uh... I forget, I think they sell paint. ''[pushes button as Roz takes off her headphones and exits her booth]''\\
'''Roz:''' You hear that whooshing sound? It's my career, going down the toilet.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, God, Roz, I don't think I've helped a single person tonight. ''[buries his face in his hand in despair]''\\
'''Roz:''' Helped!? You'll be lucky if you don't get sued! You told a longshoreman to come out of the closet, and a gay guy to spend more time on the docks!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[defensively]'' Well, you're the one who's supposed to keep track of who's on what line!\\
'''Roz:''' Okay, let me make it easy for you: FREAKS! Freaks on Line 1, freaks on Line 2, FREAKS, EVERYWHERE!
** Frasier and Roz pull themselves together, united in opposition to Kate, as they decide to put on a... [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC5rp7PJ8DQ raunchy broadcast.]] As they tell each other, if they're going down, they're [[TakingYouWithMe taking her with them.]]
--->'''Frasier:''' We've got one hour left. If she wants raunch, we're gonna give her more raunch than she ever dreamed of! Are you with me, Roz?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[sexily]'' Just pump up the volume and call me Kitty! ''[she returns to her booth]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Okay! ''[punches a button on his console]'' We're back, Seattle! And in accordance with new station policy, we are going to be ''pandering'' to the lowest human instinct! In other words, '''''WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT SEX?''''' Sex, sex, ''sex sex sex sex sex''! ''[Roz plays a sound effect of a whip cracking]'' YEAH! I wanna know who's havin' sex, how you're havin' it, ''I wanna know if you're havin' it RIGHT NOW!''\\
'''Roz:''' Look, Dr. Crane, the lines are hot, ''[breathily]'' really... HOT.\\
'''Frasier:''' Thank you, Kitty. ''[pushes a button; lustily]'' Hello, caller. What are you wearing?\\
'''[[Creator/TeriGarr Caller:]]''' Nothing. I'm naked.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[as Roz bounces with delight]'' HEY! That's a GREAT idea! Let's all get naked, HEY, I'm gettin' naked '''RIGHT NOW!''' ''[he begins stripping to his underwear]''\\
'''Roz:''' While Dr. Crane strips, our new station manager would like to know if you prefer to be the spanker or the spankee?\\
'''Caller:''' Oh, definitely the spanker.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, then hop in a cab! I'm not wearing any pants! ''[swings them above his head as Roz whoops]''
** Cut to the next morning, as a thoroughly unamused Kate and a sheepish-looking Frasier are listening to a recording of the broadcast.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[on recording]'' While Roz laces up her leather bustier, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL, all talk, all night, all naked!
* The end credits where Martin is having trouble with the TV, so Daphne puts Eddie on it to fix the reception.

[[AC:302: Shrink Rap]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTHjJZaKWOE#t=4m21s Frasier and Niles start a clinic together]]. After they get on each other's nerves too much, they walk out from the therapy session they're holding to have a discussion outside, and we get this gem:
-->'''Niles:''' I'm warning you, Frasier, I have made a fist and I am thinking of using it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles, you are not scaring me--the thumb goes on the outside, Niles! On the outside!\\
'''Niles:''' How dare you try to steal my group!\\
'''Frasier:''' I don't need your group! I've got a group of my own, half a million strong!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh yes, your legions! Why don't you rent a farm, pass out the body paint and call it [=FrasierStock=]!
* Frasier finally wins the long running feud over where the place their ornamental plant:
-->'''Frasier:''' All right, fine, let's just give this little dear all the sunlight it needs! ''[hurls the plant through the window - without bothering to open it first]''

[[AC:305: Kisses Sweeter Than Wine]]
* Niles poorly trying to cover for his nosebleed, which he gets whenever he's caught in a lie.
--> '''Frasier:''' You just sniffed.\\
'''Niles:''' I didn't sniff, it was a snort of contempt. ''(sniffs)''\\
'''Frasier:''' A snort is out, that was in!

[[AC:306: Sleeping with the Enemy]]
* Frasier is chosen to act as spokesman on behalf of the technical staff (including Roz) when Kate tries to impose a wage freeze on them for budgetary reasons, but his confrontation with her becomes a classic example of SlapSlapKiss. When he confesses the truth to Martin and Niles, Daphne becomes especially interested, and chooses a rather... unfortunate way of insisting that nothing Frasier could say will shock her:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[pouring himself a sherry as Daphne clears the dining table]'' I was in her office, and... tempers flared, and... ''[Daphne picks up the coffee pot and heads to the kitchen]'' Next thing I knew, we were... ''locked'' in a ''passionate'' kiss!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[immediately turning back to the living room]'' Ooh! Go on! ''[grins expectantly]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Daphne, I'm really not that comfortable talking about this in front of you.\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, no need to be shy around me! I'm a professional healthcare worker, I-I've seen it all! I've helped your father in and out of the bathtub.\\
'''Martin:''' Okay, Daphne.\\
'''Daphne:''' I've seen his bits!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[embarrassed]'' Hey- oh, for God's sakes! ''[Niles makes a disgusted face]''
* So Frasier tells Martin, Niles, ''and'' Daphne that his kiss with Kate was like nothing he'd ever experienced before: pure sex, almost animalistic in nature.
-->'''Niles:''' [[HaveIMentionedIAmSexuallyActiveToday Oh, well, that, we've all experienced that, who hasn't?]] ''[sputters derisively, then downs a large mouthful of brandy]''\\
'''Daphne:''' I'm no stranger to that feeling meself. It can strike without warning, and you don't know ''who'' it will be. ''[sits on the arm of the sofa next to Niles]'' Why, you could be standing next to a person ''[gesturing toward Niles]'' month after month, and then the next thing you know, you're tearing each other's clothes off. ''[Niles is giving her a LongingLook during this speech]'' There's a word for it.\\
'''Niles:''' "Hope".
* Martin raises the possibility that Kate initiated the kiss with Frasier to throw him off balance during the contract negotiations and asks who made the first move. Frasier isn't sure, so he tries to re-create the scene, but runs into a bit of a snag:
-->'''Martin:''' Well, figure it out. Who made the first move, you or her?\\
'''Frasier:''' There ''was'' no first move! It was more like spontaneous sexual combustion!\\
'''Martin:''' There's ''always'' a first move. Think.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sets his sherry on the the table by Martin's chair]'' All right. I was standing in front of her desk like so... ''[moves to the front of the coffee table, facing the sofa]'' She was facing me - Niles, you be Kate.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[coldly]'' I ''will not''.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, just stand up!\\
'''Niles:''' I'm ''always'' the girl! In every prep school play, I was the girl! [[Theatre/{{Camelot}} Guinevere]], [[Theatre/TheMusicMan Marian the Librarian]], [[Theatre/{{Oklahoma}} Ado Annie]], well no more, I'm through with it, when do I get to be [[Theatre/DamnYankees Shoeless Joe from Hannibal, MO]]?

[[AC:307: The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl]]
* The whole sequence where Frasier and Kate's lovemaking session is broadcast over the airwaves is hilarious, especially the reactions of Martin, Daphne, Eddie, and Niles:
-->''[Martin and Daphne are playing dominoes at the dining table while listening to the radio; Eddie is on the chair next to Martin]''\\
'''Newsreader:''' In local news, Congressman Robert Gill was accused of accepting bribes from a waste treatment facility. Asked to comment, the Congressman said-\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[on radio]'' Yes! YES! I am a bad boy! ''[Martin and Daphne recognise Frasier's voice and slowly turn to the radio with shocked expressions, while Eddie climbs up on the back of the chair and looks very interested]'' You dirty girl! Come to your bad boy! ''[cut to Niles, listening on his car radio, mouth wide open with absolute horror]'' Oh, ''yes!''... oh no, is that the "On Air" light!?\\
'''Kate:''' ''[loud whisper]'' Stop talking!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[not quite whispering]'' You must have hit the switch with your elbow while we were-\\
'''Kate:''' ''[louder whisper]'' Stop talking!\\
'''Frasier:''' We'd better hurry up and get dressed while we still-\\
'''Niles:''' ''[to radio]'' STOP - TALKING! ''[he looks back through his windscreen and slams on the brakes, but too late; he hits the vehicle in front of him, causing the airbag to inflate in his face]''
* The next day, as well as presenting Frasier with a bill for the repairs of his car and the car he rear-ended, Niles reveals that Maris was so embarrassed by Frasier's indiscretion that she has had her name changed on her stationery to "[[ItIsPronouncedTroPAY Maris Crané]]".

[[AC:309: Frasier Grinch]]
* There's a Christmas-time delivery mixup between Frasier and a Mr. ''Franklin'' Crane who lives on the other side of the continent. The educational toy Frasier had picked out months ago has gone to the wrong address:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(aghast)'' Do you know what this means?!\\
'''Niles:''' ''(ready to laugh)'' Yes. The Cranes in Maine have got your Living Brain!
* Frasier tries to read a Christmas parable he has written while the KACL Christmas party is going on around him; with Roz having been dismissed early, Gil and Bulldog more than pick up the slack when it comes to trying to derail the story.
** After winding lights and tinsel around him doesn't do the trick, Gil slips out while Bulldog pulls out his lighter and tries to set Frasier's script on fire:
--->'''Frasier:''' One ''[blows out Bulldog's light]'' night, one ''[blows out the lighter again]'' windy night...
** Gil returns with Candy Cane, a Santa-themed stripper Bulldog hired for the party; as she performs, Frasier just about finishes stumbling through the rest of his parable with his dignity mostly intact, then turns to leave, only to come back in, shouting "Oh, what am I, a robot?" and kissing her passionately.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[triumphantly]'' And to all, a good night!

[[AC:314: The Show Where Diane Comes Back]]
* Frasier's reaction when he finds out Diane is back is priceless. It is so ridiculously over the top.
-->''[Frasier is finishing a broadcast; in the background, Roz is on the phone, looking worried]''\\
'''Frasier:''' This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[hangs up the phone and presses the intercom button]'' Frasier, that was security, some woman insisted on seeing you, she just blew right past them!\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, don't panic, Roz, probably just one of my more ardent fans.\\
''[in the background, Diane walks past the back window of Frasier's booth; her face lights up, and she taps on the glass. Frasier turns around and she waves at him, all smiles. Smash cut to black... from which the camera pulls back to reveal Frasier's wide open mouth, his face frozen with abject terror]''\\
''[cut to Niles' office, where Niles is seeing a patient, Mr. Carr; Frasier bursts through the door]''[[note]] Mr. Carr was previously seen in "Shrink Rap" as one of the members of Niles' therapy group. Apparently Niles' fight with Frasier did not dissuade Mr. Carr from continuing his therapy![[/note]]\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[out of breath]'' Niles we gotta talk, it's urgent!\\
'''Niles:''' Frasier, I'm with a patient!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[turns around and notices Mr. Carr]'' Oh, I'm sorry...\\
'''Mr. Carr:''' ''[standing up]'' Is, uh, this about a woman?\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes.\\
'''Mr. Carr:''' Take all the time you need. ''[leaves]''
* Lilith isn't even in this episode and Niles still gets one of his best quips at her expense:
-->'''Frasier''': She's back! The scourge of my existence!\\
'''Niles''': Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the walls...
* When Frasier reveals that Diane has returned, Niles' first instinct is to put himself in the role of Frasier's therapist to get at the root of why he reacted so strongly to her. Frasier, however, orders Niles to put his notepad in a desk drawer - which Niles starts to find frustrating after a few seconds. At the end of the scene, as Frasier leaves his office, Niles immediately takes the pad out again and begins frantically scribbling notes.
-->'''Niles:''' My first question to you is this: are you still in love with her?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[immediately, jumping to his feet]'' NO! Not in the least, it's a ''ridiculous'' suggestion. ''[begins pacing the floor]''\\
'''Niles:''' Seeing as how I have nowhere to ''write'' the phrase "classic denial", I'll move on. So... about this woman for whom you have so little feeling that you raced across town and burst into one of my sessions... is there any lingering resentment?\\
'''Frasier:''' Over WHAT?! ''[falls back into the armchair heavily]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[stands up and walks across to Frasier]'' Well... she did leave you at the altar. When you told her how that made you feel, was there anything you left unsaid? ''[Frasier avoids eye contact with Niles]'' Any... phrase or feeling you wish you had expressed ''to'' her? ''[Frasier continues to look anywhere but at Niles, obsessively brushing his hand against the arm of the chair]'' I'm making the assumption here that you did ''tell'' her how you felt.\\
'''Frasier:''' ... I sorta did.\\
'''Niles:''' "Sort of" is another of those phrases that just... wants to go in my pad. ''[looks toward his desk drawer and sighs]''\\
'''Frasier:''' I expressed my distaste for the way I'd been treated, yes.\\
'''Niles:''' Frasier, she rejected you in the most ''debilitating'' way a man can be rejected, you've got to more than "sort of" tell her how that felt!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[gets up, walks to the door, and leans against it]'' I just can't tell Diane how awful she made me feel ''now!'' It's a distant memory for her! I'd feel weak!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[with a supportive smile]'' You have no reason to feel weak. You've moved on in your life, too - you have a new career. New... wealth, new success. You simply need closure in this one area.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[thinks, then turns to Niles]'' You know, what you just said made a lot of sense.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[beaming]'' You're going to get closure.\\
'''Frasier:''' No, that business about my success! I tuned you out after that!
* That evening, Frasier is hell-bent on rubbing Diane's face in the success he has enjoyed since she left him at the altar in 1985, and Daphne makes no attempt to hide how ridiculous she finds his behaviour.
** Frasier insists that his [=SeaBee=] award, which is shaped like the Space Needle, must go in the middle of the mantelpiece, where Diane can't miss it. Daphne says "that seems a bit subtle" and suggests instead using it to serve the olives, spearing one with the point.
** Meanwhile, Frasier puts his Otis Klandenning Man of the Year award, a small silver bowl, on the table next to Martin's chair; when he offers Diane an olive, Daphne holds up the bowl and says "You can spit the pits in here." Which Diane attempts to do - except Frasier pulls it out of the way, and the pit lands in a disgusted Martin's lap.
* As Diane greets Niles for the first time in years, she laughs as she remembers that when he last joined her and Frasier for dinner, he had just started dating "the queerest little creature", who ate everyone's sorbet and then had to lie down in the ladies' lounge while the coat check girl massaged her abdomen. She notices Frasier and Martin staring at her uncomfortably while Niles, who has been estranged from said "little creature" since earlier this season, avoids eye contact:
-->'''Diane:''' Oh, I hope I haven't put my foot in it, you and she didn't get married and live happily ever after, did you?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[with an ironic smile]'' No, can't say as we did.
* Niles follows Frasier into the kitchen when he gets the evening's dessert, a plate of profiteroles, out of the fridge to be dusted with powdered sugar. Furious at how Diane appears to have become even more successful than he has done since their failed wedding, he vows to tell her how it really made him feel as he frantically shakes sugar all over the profiteroles. Niles (having used the excuse that Frasier always overpowders to go into the kitchen to begin with) makes a "That's enough" gesture, but Frasier ignores him, and Niles finally puts his hand between the profiteroles and the sugar to save them from a powdery demise.
-->'''Frasier:''' The savage truth this time, there will be no sugar-coating it! ''[grabs the plate]'' And yes, I am aware of the irony! ''[blows the excess sugar off the profiteroles - straight toward Niles, who tries to duck out of the way]''
* Martin making no attempt whatsoever to hide his notice of Diane's facial tic (only sporadically mentioned on ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' as being triggered by emotional distress), especially John Mahoney's delivery of "There it is again!" and Daphne describing it as "either a very large twitch or a very small seizure." The next time it happens, Frasier, Niles, and Martin all scoot back from the table in alarm.
* As it turns out, Diane's life has been in a tailspin for a while; she lost her job writing for ''Series/DrQuinnMedicineWoman'' after accidentally setting Jane Seymour's hair on fire, her boyfriend of two years broke up with her, she lost her beach house, and her friends stopped calling - and when she arrived in Seattle to oversee rehearsals of her play, her backer withdrew the funding. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the sight of Diane's meltdown reminds Niles of another woman prone to such emotional displays...
-->'''Daphne:''' Well. That was a bit scary.\\
'''Martin:''' I'll say. Watching someone go completely crackers like that. ''[Niles sniffles]'' What's the matter with ''you'' now?!\\
'''Niles:''' Nothing, I'm fine. Just... suddenly missing my Maris... ''[Martin rolls his eyes; Daphne gives him a comforting hug]''
* This little exchange, at a point where Frasier has been spending rather more time with Diane than he expected and is clearly starting to feel conflicted about things, and comes across Niles in Cafe Nervosa. And keep in mind that during the following, Niles never says a word:
-->'''Frasier:''' My God, Niles, it's such a glorious day! I walked all the way here. Thirty-two blocks, and Bruno Mallies be damned! ''[sits down]'' Oh yes, I see the look, I know exactly what it means too. How could I very well say "no" to Diane? She came to me in crisis. ''[to a passing waitress]'' Oh, excuse me, a double cappuccino, please, light cinnamon, thank you. ''[sighs happily]'' Oh, you know, the change in Diane has really been quite gratifying. Dropped her off at the theater today, and there was a smile on her face that I haven't seen in... well, far too many years. Oh, I know what you're thinking. Where did she get the money to do the play? Well, she found a backer! ''[pause; defensively]'' It's tax deductible! ''[the waitress brings his coffee to the table]'' Thank you. ''[to Niles, increasingly agitated]'' Oh, why don't you go ahead and say what you're thinking, Niles? That I'm falling for her again. ''[sarcastically imitating Niles' voice]'' "Well, you did bounce in here as though you were on top of the world, and babbling about her smile" -- I just don't want to hear it, Niles! I'm simply helping her to get back on her feet and out of my life as quickly as possible. No, I don't know how long it's going to take. Look, I said I don't know! Oh, really, Niles! Curse you, you are the most infuriating busybody! I'm not sitting with you. ''[flounces off in a huff; Niles watches him leave, then picks up his notepad and pen and starts writing]''
* Diane's play, [[HerCodeNameWasMarySue a pretentious stage version]] of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' with Diane as [[MarySue Mary Anne]]. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug-vwMEEe7E Words do not do it justice]]. Diane giggling in delight at her own jokes (which she actually stole from Norm) was the icing on the cake. And Frasier's speech is just epic, especially his delivery of ''"bony fingers!"''
-->'''"Franklin":''' Could we just stop for a second? This whole getting left at the altar thing... I just don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[eleven years of anger and resentment reach boiling point]'' '''''I'''''... may be able to illuminate that for you! ''[Diane [[OhCrap looks worried]] as Frasier marches up onto the stage]'' What you are feeling is that this woman has... '''reached''' into your chest, '''plucked''' out your heart, and '''thrown it''' to her hellhounds for a '''CHEW TOY!''' ''[Diane is mortified]'' It's not the last time, either. Because that's what this woman is! ''SHE IS THE DEVIL!'' It's no use running away from her! Because no matter how far you go, no matter how many ''years'' you let '''pass''', you will never be completely out of reach of '''those BONY FINGERS!!''' So ''drink hearty'', Franklin, and LAUGH! ''[marches off the stage again and back up the aisle]'' Because you have made a ''pact''--''with BEELZEBUB!!!'' '''AND HER NAME IS ''MARY ANNE!!!'''''\\
''[Diane is stunned into silence as the [[ComicallyMissingThePoint actors applaud]]]''
* A subtler moment from the end of the episode has Frasier walk out the bar door, only to come out after a beat, realizing it's a stage door that doesn't go anywhere.
-->'''Frasier''' ''(abashed):'' Force of habit.\\
'''Diane:''' I've been doing it all week!
* And in TheStinger, Diane's play's use of internal monologues delivered by characters in spotlights on an otherwise darkened stage is spoofed when Martin catches Eddie chewing on a sock. Fade to black, then a spotlight shines on Eddie as a thought bubble appears above him saying "[[AC:I can't help it. It's what I do.]]"

[[AC:316: Look Before You Leap]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjrLyWlCrP8 Martin mentions how Daphne is always talking about wanting to change her hairstyle and then proceeds to imitate her accent. In addition to being hilarious, it's just so....weird.]] Doubly so because ''John Mahoney is British!'' Perhaps this entry from the comments section of the attached [=YouTube=] video describes it best:
-->'''Matthew Stagg:''' An actor from Manchester playing an American character doing an impression of a Manchester accent but deliberately missing and hitting West Yorkshire (which he surely knows) to an English actress from Essex aiming for a Manchester accent, missing slightly and hitting West Yorkshire. There are layers here people, layers.
* With prodding from Frasier about "taking a leap" on 29 February, Roz gushes about a guy she met on a bus ''on the air'' - and freaks out when she realizes what she just said.
-->'''Roz:''' ''[disgusted]'' Oh my God, oh my God, how could I say "I really liked you and I thought you were cute," who am I, ''[[Series/TheBradyBunch Marcia Brady!?]]''
* The snowball gag of Niles's exponentially increasing libido, after having gone for ''months'' without sex.
** Maris has cleared her calendar from 7-7:30pm that evening (which means foreplay ''and'' cuddling, according to Niles), but Frasier tells him sex would just cloud the issue of their growing marital difficulties, and tells him not to go. But Niles isn't giving up so easily, and he shows up at the radio station trying to rationalise having sex with Maris as his own "leap". Frasier shoots down this idea, leading to this hilarious gem:
--->'''Niles:''' ''[as Roz enters Frasier's booth]'' Frasier, Frasier, what if we don't have sex, what if we just snuggle?\\
'''Roz:''' Whoops, excuse me! ''[drops a paper on Frasier's desk and heads back to her booth... and realises Niles is watching her]''\\
'''Niles:''' Roz... I never noticed what a perky little walk you have. ''[a horrified Roz breaks into a run before sitting back in her chair as Frasier runs after Niles]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, Niles...\\
'''Niles:''' Roz...\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles!...\\
'''Niles:''' Roz...\\
'''Frasier:''' NILES! ''[grabs Niles and pushes him out of Roz' booth]''
** Frasier tells Niles to get control of himself, and Niles vows to "marshal [his] self-discipline and be strong." He leaves the booth and walks past the window behind Frasier - and immediately turns around when he passes a female KACL staffer going in the other direction. As he passes the door to Frasier's booth, Frasier opens it and hurls a glass of water into Niles' face, causing him to turn around immediately again.
* Daphne's reaction to her awful haircut, urged by Frasier. Even more hilarious, Niles thinks her hideously mangled haircut is hot, moaning, "Will these infernal temptations ''never end''?!"
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(sobbing)'' Take a leap! Mr. Maurice hair-designer! Trust me! Children pointing! '''Your fault!'''
* With Roz, Martin, and Daphne all worse off for having taken Frasier's "take a leap" idea, Niles defies him and declares he's going to spend the evening with Maris after all. His parting gesture involves gunning down his sherry before hurling his glass into Frasier's fireplace.
-->'''Frasier:''' YOU WILL ''RUE'' THE DAY!\\
* The episode's climax is [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvAWUJCjgQE one of the funniest scenes in the entire series.]] The title card says it all: [[AC:HUH?]]
** Roz is one of the volunteers taking donations by phone for Seattle's Creator/{{PBS}} pledge drive, and she is still angry at Frasier for persuading her to ask out her bus crush over the radio - only to discover he is married and is just looking for a sleazy affair. Such is her ire that she sarcastically declares her admiration for Frasier's courage in singing in Italian under unflattering studio lights with sweat-soaked clothes on live television. Meanwhile, Pete, Frasier's accompanist for his own "leap", the tenor aria "Ella mi fu rapietà" from ''Theatre/{{Rigoletto}}'', tells him that although high notes are no problem for him (he plays one to demonstrate), he's not so sure about Frasier.
--->'''Pete:''' Yo, Doc! Doc! ''[Frasier hurries over to the piano]'' Please. Please, I've been going over your music, and when we get to this section here, either I can play ''really'' loud or jab you with a pin, 'cause between you and me, you're not hitting this note without a pole vault!
** Upon being given the ten-second warning, Frasier snaps and decides to go back to singing his standard, "Buttons & Bows" (originally sung by Creator/BobHope to Creator/JaneRussell in the 1948 western ''The Paleface''). This angers Roz even more, as Frasier is backing out of taking his own leap after forcing her, Martin, Daphne, and Niles to take leaps which all landed them right in it up to their necks. Frasier insists that while an unwise man doesn't learn from his own mistakes, only an absolute idiot doesn't learn from the mistakes of others; this does not placate Roz:
--->'''Roz:''' ''[sarcastically]'' But you promised all your listeners!\\
'''Frasier:''' OH, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!? ''[the red "live" light on the camera in front of him lights up]'' WHO WATCHES PBS?!... ''[realises his last three words went out live, and switches to his suave radio voice]'' I'll tell you who...
** And then comes the payoff. Savvy viewers know that because Frasier's performance is the culmination of the whole episode, TheShowMustGoWrong, but what really makes it hysterical is how it goes wrong, and how badly. After cowering out of taking his leap and playing it safe, Frasier actually makes things worse for himself - despite having sung the song on live television several times, he only knows about a quarter of the words. The icing on the cake is that Kelsey Grammer was genuinely ad libbing Frasier's garbled lyrics to make the performance seem more authentically bad, and he tries to grin and dance through it as though nothing is wrong even as more and more of the words come out as gibberish.
*** Things start to unravel before Frasier even gets to the end of the first verse; he knows the first three lines are "East is east and west is west / And the wrong one I have chose / Let's go where you'll keep on wearin'", but all he can remember of "Those frills and flowers and buttons and bows / Rings and things and buttons and bows" is the last three words of each line, so he just improvises "Da da das" to fill the rest of the lines.
*** And then comes the second verse; he remembers "Don't bury me" but fumbles "lovely pea" instead of "on this prairie", can't remember any of the next line,[[note]] "Take me where the cement grows."[[/note]] and starts "Let's move down to some big town" with "Let's all go..." before realising his mistake and ad libbing the hilarious "to a taco show" so that it still rhymes, and never quite gets the verse back on track.
---->How I- such and thrush, blow my nose\\
You look great in buttons and bows![[note]] The real lines: "Where they love a gal by the cut o' her clothes / And you'll stand out in buttons and bows."[[/note]]
*** For the bridge, he only gets through "I love you in buckskin" before dissolving into unintelligible grunting, turning his back to the camera, and mopping his brow, while the phone volunteers look more and more confused at what they're seeing. He tries to get things back on track by shouting "Everybody!" before the third verse - and comes up with "My bones denounce the fearful trounce / La la-la la mole that grows".[[note]] Only the first four words are correct; it should be "My bones denounce the buckboard bounce / And the cactus hurts my toes."[[/note]] After that, it's all downhill, and Roz can only grin triumphantly at Frasier's brush with LaserGuidedKarma:
---->Ba-da seuss, a palm caboose\\
And a mebby hawd and pantyhose\\
You look buppity buttons and bows![[note]] The real lines: "Let's vamoose to where they're usin' / Those silks and satins and linens that shows / And you're all mine in buttons and bows."[[/note]]
** Cut to Martin and Daphne laughing uproariously at Frasier's disastrous performance of the song's marathon final line, which he renders as a series of nonsense syllables that finally end with "buttons and bows".[[note]] The real lyrics: "Gimme eastern trimmin' / Where women are women / In high silk hose / And peek-a-boo clothes / And French perfume / That rocks the room / And you're all mine... in buttons and bows."[[/note]] They try to rewind and watch it again, only for Eddie to run off with the TV remote.
* In TheStinger, Niles stops by to console Frasier, who asks him if he had sex with Maris after all. Though we cannot hear the dialogue, we can see Niles smiling reassuringly while mouthing "No" repeatedly. But as Frasier walks off, Niles scratches behind his ear and finds a dollop of creme fraiche, one of his and Maris' favourite substances to lick off each other...

[[AC:317: High Crane Drifter]]
* In the setup for this episode, Frasier seems to be on the receiving end of rude or selfish behaviour from the entire population of Seattle, especially from his upstairs neighbour, Freddie Chainsaw, who blasts the music of his own band, the Newport Chainsaws, at such high volumes that Frasier's whole apartment shakes. Daphne shrugs it off, saying that she used to live upstairs from a punk band who endlessly rehearsed a song that, according to her, went "Flesh is burning!... ''[imitating guitar]'' Da-na na-na na-na..." She then sighs that she'll have that song stuck in her head all day now. Later in the episode, she is subconsciously singing it again... ''and so is Martin!''
* The last straw for Frasier comes when Doug Harvey, a Cafe Nervosa patron, sweeps in and steals a table from him and Niles while they were busy thanking its previous occupants for leaving; when Doug shows no remorse whatever for his callous act, Frasier literally throws him out of the cafe while telling him he needs "an etiquette lesson", to wild applause from the other patrons. The Seattle papers run a column applauding how he took a stand against rudeness, but when he goes to work the next day, he discovers the downside of setting a bad example as his show becomes a parade of tales of DisproportionateRetribution.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[presses a button on his console and begins his show]'' Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. Who's on the line, Roz?\\
'''Roz:''' We have Mitch on Line 3, he's having trouble with his neighbours.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[presses the button for Line 3]'' Hello, Mitch.\\
'''[[Creator/JerryOrbach Mitch]]:''' Make that "''had'' trouble." The idiot next door had his leaf blower going at 7am. ''Again''.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that is very inconsiderate.\\
'''Mitch:''' Yeah, I'll say. That's why I decided to give him an etiquette lesson. ''[Frasier chuckles]'' I grabbed that leaf blower and smashed it against a tree! ''[Frasier's smile is immediately replaced by a shocked look; Roz laughs]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ... Mitch, I must say, I'm stunned. I can't imagine a more extreme response to such a... minor infraction.\\
''[dissolve to later; Frasier has removed his blazer and loosened his tie as he listens to another caller]''\\
'''[[Creator/BillyBarty Chris]]:''' ... so I snuck into his back yard and shoved a whole pound of rotten shrimp into his air conditioner! Come on summer!\\
''[dissolve to still later; Frasier has unbuttoned his sweater vest and rolled up his sleeves as he listens to yet another caller]''\\
'''[[Creator/EricIdle Chuck]]:''' Hey, he asked for it. So I... put one hundred scorpions in a [=FedEx=] package. ''[even Roz looks perturbed by this]''[[note]] Continuity mistake: Frasier's tie goes from around his neck to lying on the desk either side of Roz' reaction shot.[[/note]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Look, I- I'm sorry, but... no matter how provoked you may have been, there- there is no earthly justification for ''[dissolve to even later still]'' SETTING SOMEONE'S LAWN ON FIRE! ''[Roz grins; Frasier's tie and sweater vest are now on the desk next to him]''\\
'''[[Creator/JanePauley Rochelle]]:''' But she doesn't curb her dogs! ''[Frasier puts his hand to his forehead and sobs quietly]''
* Finally admitting that he was as out of line as his callers, Frasier tries to apologise to Doug, only to get slapped with an assault lawsuit now that a cafe full of witnesses have heard him admit to throwing him out. Then Niles intervenes in one of David Hyde Pierce's greatest performances:[[note]] The title card for this fracas? "[[AC:NO ACTORS WERE HURT DURING THE FILMING OF THIS SCENE]]".[[/note]]
-->'''Niles:''' Oh, Frasier, I'm not surprised he's hiding behind lawyers. What other behaviour would you expect... from a chicken?\\
'''Doug:''' ... what did you say?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares at Doug]'' I was speaking to my brother. ''[standing up]'' But, to put it language you can understand: ''[imitates chicken clucking]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[mortified]'' Niles! This is no time for you to assert yourself!\\
'''Doug:''' ''[to Frasier]'' Hey, your brother's making trouble here-\\
'''Niles:''' Ooh, ooh, ooh, what are you gonna do? Flap me with one of your big fluffy wings?\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles, ''stop it!'' Please excuse him...\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, for God's sake, Frasier, don't waste your breath on this hairy, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing troglodyte who's probably the only male in existence who suffers from penis envy! ''[grins and bounces up and down excitedly on his heels]''\\
'''Doug:''' You look here, buddy...\\
''[Doug prods Niles in the shoulder - and, in a masterclass of physical comedy, Niles reels backwards as though punched, knocking over two chairs, a table, and a hat stand before falling onto a second table, breaking it and sending its contents spilling everywhere]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[racing over to his brother]'' NILES! Niles, are you all right?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[pulls Frasier close and whispers]'' ''Countersuit''.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[jumps up melodramatically]'' OH MY GOD! NOBODY MOVE HIM!\\
'''Doug:''' I barely ''touched'' him!\\
'''Frasier:''' THEN YOU ADMIT YOU TOUCHED HIM! He admits it! ''[Niles groans]'' Oh, Niles, Niles, I'm here for you, I promise you we're going to get you the best care that THIS MAN'S MONEY CAN BUY! ''[sotto voce]'' My God, Niles, that was brilliant! You even got a tear in your eye!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[pained]'' I landed on a fork.

[[AC:318: Chess Pains]]
* Frasier, Daphne, and Martin meet Niles' new dog, Girl...who, it is painfully obvious to everyone ''except'' Niles, is a four-legged doppelganger for Maris--down to the ridiculously aloof and spoiled personality (and the fact that Niles seems emasculated to slave status). After [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9hG_3dGry8 an involved and multi-layered sequence where Frasier, Martin and Daphne can only stare wide-eyed at the spectacle...]]
--> '''Daphne:''' Am I the only one - \\
'''Frasier/Martin:''' No.\\
'''Daphne:''' Does Dr. Crane have any idea?\\
'''Frasier/Martin:''' No.

[[AC:321: Where There's Smoke, There's Fired]]
* The first scene features a classic zinger from Niles directed at the absent Bebe Glaser:
-->'''Frasier:''' Daphne, has Bebe Glaser called back yet?\\
'''Daphne:''' 'Fraid not!\\
'''Niles:''' You're still consorting with that... ''barracuda''!?\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, a barracuda is what you want in an agent, Niles. No, it's just that, uh, the station's been sold, I was hoping she might have some scuttlebutt on the new owner. ''[the doorbell rings; Frasier leaves to answer it]'' I must admit, she's... rather hard to get a hold of these days!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh really? I thought one just drew a pentagram on the floor and chanted "I summon thee" three times. ''[Martin almost spits out the mouthful of coffee he has just drunk]''
* The ringer of the doorbell is not Bebe but Roz, who arrives just as Daphne is introducing Niles and his newly reduced cash flow to the wonderful world of coupon cutting, setting up a glorious moment of Roz-Niles snark:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[reading a flyer of coupons]'' This is great! I don't even know what Renuzit is, but it's 20 cents off and I ''want'' it![[note]] It's a brand of air freshener made by the Dial Corporation, for the curious.[[/note]] ''[he begins cutting out the coupon]''\\
'''Roz:''' ''You're'' clipping coupons?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[proudly]'' I'm ''economising!''\\
'''Roz:''' Ah. Well, it's about time, you spend money like a drunken sailor.\\
'''Niles:''' She said authoritatively.
* Frasier learns from Roz that KACL's new owner is Texan media millionaire Wilfred S. "Big Willy" Boone; Daphne drily observes that such a nickname offers a telling glimpse into his psyche, and Frasier clearly feels uncomfortable using it. When he finally meets the man, Big Willy insists on being addressed as such:
-->'''Big Willy:''' Oh, I've been looking for you Dr. Crane. I have a little problem and they told me you're just the fella who could fix it. Oh, I hope I'm not imposing.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, no, don't be silly, Mr. Boone.\\
'''Big Willy:''' Well, actually I prefer "Big Willy."\\
'''Frasier:''' Don't be silly, Big Willy. ''[Roz visibly struggles not to laugh]''
* It emerges that Big Willy wants Frasier to help his fiancée quit smoking (and makes it clear that this is an order, not a request); if she doesn't, he will call off their engagement. Frasier gets a nasty shock when he discovers who Big Willy's fiancée is...
-->'''Frasier:''' That's me, Dr. Frasier Crane, bimbo wrangler. ''[sits down and pinches the bridge of his nose]''\\
'''Roz:''' Frasier, stop it! This is a golden opportunity! You make this little tootsie quit smoking and we're halfway to syndication!\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[appearing in the doorway]'' Did someone just say the word "syndication", or do I just hear it every time I lay eyes on my favourite client! ''[walks toward Frasier, arms outstretched]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[still despairing]'' Oh, Bebe... ''[embraces her and kisses her on either cheek]''\\
'''Bebe:''' Is something wrong, dear? ''[Frasier half-moans, half-sobs; we see Big Willy talking to two other station employees through the back window]''\\
'''Roz:''' We just met Big Willy.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sitting down again]'' Oh, he thinks I'm some sort of a magician, he wants me to play therapist to his little fiancée, no doubt some gold-digging piranha so devoid of scruples that she's willing to rob the coffin just- ''[he and Roz notice Bebe and Big Willy making kissy faces at each other through the glass]'' oh, dear ''God!''... ''[{{Facepalm}}s]''\\
'''Bebe:''' Isn't it wonderful? We met last month and it was love at first sight!\\
'''Roz:''' First sight of what? [[GoldDigger His bankbook and a cardiogram!?]]
* Big Willy gives Frasier three days to get Bebe to quit smoking; their first therapy session seems to go well as Frasier gets to the heart of why Bebe smokes in the first place, but as she is about to leave, Niles arrives and stalls her by claiming he wants her input for a paper he is writing on addiction. As Bebe heads for the kitchen, Niles tells Frasier she will smoke half a pack of cigarettes before she even gets down to the lobby of Frasier's building. Sure enough, Bebe is lighting up in the kitchen, while Daphne and Martin are horrified at Niles' insistence that Bebe must stay there for the weekend. As Frasier takes them to the kitchen to prove that Bebe has made progress, she stuffs her still lit cigarette in her handbag, and is unaware that smoke is pouring out of it as she returns to Frasier's living room...
-->'''Bebe:''' I'm sorry I can't stay and help you with the paper, Niles, wedding preparations and all. ''[to Frasier]'' But I'll remember those helpful hints, it's exercise, gum, and lots of water. ''[Frasier, Niles, Daphne, and Martin all notice the smoke coming out of Bebe's handbag]''\\
'''Niles:''' Water should come in handy for putting out those pesky purse fires. ''[Bebe notices the smoke and starts hitting her handbag to extinguish the cigarette]''\\
'''Frasier:''' All right Niles, secure the door! Bebe, you are not going anywhere, you're staying for the weekend, now give me that purse! ''[Niles locks the front door]''\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[defeated]'' All right, just... let me remove one very precious memento...\\
'''Frasier:''' Very well. ''[Bebe opens her handbag, puts it over her face, and breathes deeply]'' Oh, stop it! ''[pulls the bag away from her]''
* Bebe's borderline erotic description of how smoking a cigarette makes her feel sets off Daphne's own sporadic smoking tendencies, and at 5:30am, she sneaks onto the balcony and lights up, waking up a sleeping Bebe on the sofa. Now desperate for a cigarette herself, Bebe locks Daphne on the balcony in the rain and refuses to let her in unless she gives her a smoke; Daphne retaliates by holding the pack over the edge of the balcony, threatening to drop it unless Bebe unlocks the door. Finally, Frasier enters and switches on the lights; the payoff comes when Bebe and Daphne deliver their lines in the following exchange like two young children caught fighting by their parents:
-->'''Frasier:''' What the hell's going on out here?\\
'''Bebe:''' Daphne was smoking!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''She'' made me!
* Frasier takes the cigarettes from Daphne and, after finding Martin smoking in the powder room while fetching a towel for a soaked Daphne, orders everyone to go back to bed. However, Bebe suddenly grabs the pack of cigarettes, then shoves Daphne face first onto the sofa when she tries to cut off her escape route; Frasier finally wrests the cigarettes from Bebe's grasp, only for her to jump on his back and try to grab them back. As Martin declares "All right, that's it, no more houseguests!" and heads back to bed, Frasier and Bebe are wrestling on the floor over the cigarettes, and after a moment, Frasier manages to pin her:
-->'''Bebe:''' GET OFF ME, YOU BRUTE!\\
'''Frasier:''' HAND THEM OVER!\\
'''Bebe:''' '''''NEVER!'''''\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[as the phone rings]'' That'll be the neighbours! ''[answers the phone]'' Hello! ''[politely]'' Oh! Hello. One moment, please. ''[covers the mouthpiece and brings the handset over to Frasier]'' It's Big Willy!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[takes the phone from Daphne, his tone suddenly becoming pure professionalism and politeness]'' Big Willy! Hello! ''[laughs]'' No, no, it's not too early! Everybody's up! ''[Bebe thrashes and growls like a trapped wild animal throughout the following]'' Yes, well, there've been a few minor setbacks, but I'm keeping on top of her... Oh yeah, I know she'd love to say "hi"! ''[holds the phone toward Bebe]''\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[immediately stops thrashing and growling, her tone suddenly becoming pure Southern-accented adoration]'' Hello, puddin'!... I'm fine, and you?... Oh, nothin's too much trouble for you, daddy. Bye now!

[[AC:322: Frasier Loves Roz]]
* There are two {{Time Skip}}s in this episode, and the title cards' depiction of them is a delight:
* Martin's message to future generations, as Niles records with a video camera. He can't resist trolling:
-->'''Martin''' ''(into the camera)'': My name is Martin Crane. When I made this tape, I was sixty-four years old. But ''now''...''(bulging eyes)'' '''I'm ''dead''...!'''\\
''([[DisapprovingLook Niles slumps]])''\\
'''Martin''': ''Trapped'' in a ''box'', underground...! Pretty ''scary'', huh...?! ''(EvilLaugh)''\\
'''Niles''': ''(Stops recording)'' Dad, surely you must have ''some'' message you want to leave for the Cranes of the twenty-first century--?!\\
'''Martin''': Alright, alright, I do.... ''(To camera, as Niles resumes)'' Remember to always work hard...and that family comes first. ''(Play-squirms, sighs)'' And...I have a million ''bucks''...in unmarked bills...that I took off a drug dealer, that I have stashed in my old army foot locker. The combination is Left 15...Right 32...Le--\\
''({{Beat}}, starts "choking"...and collapses in his chair.)''\\
'''Niles''' ''(focusing the camera on himself):'' Future generations... see what I had to put up with?

[[AC:323: The Focus Group]]
* Of the twelve random citizens called in to give their opinion of ''The Dr. Frasier Crane Show,'' eleven are positive: one man, Manu, says, "I don't like it... I don't like ''him."'' It digs at Frasier, who can't let it go. He spots Manu (a news-stand owner) while driving Martin and Niles to dinner and ''insists'' on getting to the root of Manu's dislike of him.
** While Niles insists they've stopped in a bad part of town and overreacts accordingly, Frasier sends Martin over to Manu with a badly-conceived cover story about being a businessman from Cleveland who is having a bad month, saw Frasier's face on the side of a bus, and wants to get Manu's opinion on the merits of calling his show. Martin goes over to Manu... and immediately introduces himself as Frasier's father.
** Not satisfied with Manu's explanation that he finds the show a bit annoying, Frasier goes over in person to quiz him. The first of the DisasterDominoes falls when Frasier accidentally spills Yoo-hoo all over Manu, and as they keep toppling, Martin [[FacePalm covers his face,]] while Niles watches - fascinated in a horrified kind of way:
--->''[after Frasier accidentally closes the metal shutter of Manu's newsstand on his hand, and Manu hurries off to a nearby restaurant to put ice on it while Frasier offers to "hold down the fort"]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[matter-of-factly]'' He's crushed the gentleman's hand... and now he appears to be commandeering his newsstand.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[resignedly]'' Uh-huh.\\
''[moments later, after a still-lit cigar in an ashtray Frasier put on the floor of the newsstand has caused the whole stand to catch fire]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[still matter-of-factly, resting his face on his hand]'' Oh, my God. Frasier's set his newsstand on fire.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[still covering his face, but now sinking down further in his seat]'' Mm-hmm.

[[folder:Season 4]]
[[AC:401: The Two Mrs. Cranes]]
* The SnowballLie. Once Martin is clued into it, he starts screwing with everyone. The web of lies becomes so messy, everyone has to pause before deciding it's safe to give Eddie's name.
* The ''beautiful'' punchline to the entire thing.
-->'''Daphne:''' We're not the horrible people you think we are!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes! The truth is - we've been lying to you all night!
* And there's also Niles' elated giggle after Daphne introduces him as her husband.
* Martin amuses himself and spites his sons by claiming he used to be an astronaut.
-->'''Clive:''' Although, Daphne, I noticed in the phone book your surname still is Moon.\\
'''Niles:''' That must be an old book. Now she hyphenates; it's Moon-Crane.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(wistfully)'' I remember the first time I ever drove a moon crane. I nearly rolled it into the Sea of Tranquillity.

[[AC:402: Love Bites Dog]]
* Niles decides to advertise his practice, and gives Frasier a copy of the ad.
-->'''Frasier:''' All right. ''(reading)'' "Dr. Niles Crane. Jung specialist. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts". Well that's just excellent Niles. All you're missing now is a very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head!\\
'''Niles:''' Sorry I didn’t hear you. I was too distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus.
* Of course, the ad company accidentally prints an "H" in place of the "J" in "Jung". HilarityEnsues.
-->'''Frasier:''' "Dr. Niles Crane. Hung specialist." ''({{beat}})'' Oh my.\\
'''Niles:''' The rest of it was surprisingly accurate. "Servicing individuals, couples... groups..." ''({{beat}})'' "Satisfaction guaranteed"... ''(looks at Frasier with some consternation)'' "Tell me where it hurts."\\
'''Frasier:''' Well... any calls?\\
'''Niles:''' It's a telethon.
* Everything about [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsyXV-B3uGk Frasier talking "like a guy" to get Bulldog back in gear]], but ''especially''...
-->'''Bulldog:''' I like the sound of this.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(Gruff)'' Yeah? So do I! It's unattractive--yet liberating, rather like [[TooMuchInformation the one and only time I wore a European bathing suit...!]]
* Frasier talking "like a guy" doesn't work too well with Niles however.
-->'''Niles:''' ''[hanging up a payphone in the KACL corridors]'' Distressing news, Frasier: Francois gave away our table.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[still on a testosterone rush from talking to Bulldog]'' SCREW HIM!\\
'''Niles:''' ... excuse me?\\
'''Frasier:''' You heard what I said! We don't need him ''or'' his ''stinky'' little restaurant! There are plenty of restaurants in town, I say we go somewhere we don't even need a reservation! ''[Niles [[GetAHoldOfYourselfMan slaps Frasier hard across the face]]; Frasier calms down]'' Thank you, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' You're welcome.

[[AC:403: The Impossible Dream]]
* Frasier has a weird dream involving Gil. After talking it out with Niles he thinks he's resolved the issue causing him to have the dream, and declares loudly:
-->'''Frasier:''' Thank God! Tonight I can sleep peacefully knowing there'll be no motel room, no tequila bottle and ''no naked man in my bed!''\\
''[Sees the waitress standing behind him]''\\
'''Frasier:''' So then, the rabbi says...
* Frasier and Martin have an exchange where Martin notes that the reason he didn't take Frasier to see ''Film/WestSideStory'' as a child was because gangs were scary:
-->'''Frasier:''' Even gangs that dance?\\
'''Martin:''' Especially gangs that dance!
* Martin and Daphne trolling people in the elevator by having "secret" conversations literally behind their backs--on such awesome nonsense as Daphne being in Witness Protection (with Martin as her FBI handler) and their engaging in international smuggling!
-->'''Daphne:''' How'd you get the stuff through customs?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(smugly)'' They never check the prosthetic leg.
* The punch line of the episode: UsefulNotes/SigmundFreud appearing to Frasier in a dream to congratulate him on figuring out the Gil dream. [[OhCrap And to get into bed.]]

[[AC:406: Mixed Doubles]]
* When Daphne is introducing her new boyfriend Rodney, an eerie doppelganger of Niles, to Frasier and Martin, Martin gets a call from Duke:
-->'''Martin:''' Sorry Duke, I can't talk right now; I'm in Series/TheTwilightZone!
* Later, Niles and Frasier discover that Rodney on a date at Cafe Nervosa with Niles' new girlfriend Adelle, and Niles is furious - on Daphne's behalf.
-->'''Frasier:''' Whatever you do, do not engage him in a physical fight! [[IdenticalStranger The whole thing would just look too]] ''[[IdenticalStranger weird]]''!
* As Niles leaves to break the news of Rodney's infidelity to Daphne, Frasier has one last question for him:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know, there's just one thing I'd like to ask you, Rodney... do you have an older brother?\\
'''Rodney:''' As a matter of fact, I do. ''[bitterly]'' He's always been the pride of the family. Handsome, successful, brilliant. I've always been rather jealous of him.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[smirking to himself]'' Spooky... ''[exits, leaving Rodney and Adelle thoroughly confused]''

[[AC:407: A Lilith Thanksgiving]]
* A classic example of Niles-Lilith sniping:
-->'''Lilith:''' ''[opening the fridge]'' Niles... I'm afraid with this interview, I'm running a little behind schedule, so I'm enlisting you to help with the turkey. ''[removes the turkey from the fridge and shuts the door with her hip]''\\
'''Niles:''' Oh. Well, I've never cooked a turkey before, but, uh... ''[sees an open cookbook on the kitchen table]'' the recipe's here, I guess I can fumble my way through. How far along are you?\\
'''Lilith:''' ''[putting the turkey in a roasting tin and patting it dry with kitchen roll]'' I'm nearly done defrosting.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[unable to resist this opening]'' And the turkey? ''[Martin tries not to laugh]''\\
'''Lilith:''' ''[unamused]'' Might I suggest you stuff it?
* The climax of Niles and Martin inadvertently turning Freddie into a walking disaster magnet is one of the series' better moments of silent comedy. Over the course of the second act, Martin accidentally hits Freddie in the eye with a baseball, Niles accidentally hits him in the nose with the freezer door, Martin gives him bubble gum which he then has to cut out of Freddie's hair, and Niles gives him remoulade which causes a flare-up of the lad's anchovy allergy - none of which crosses Frasier and Lilith's radar, as they are too busy sabotaging Freddie's chances of getting into a prestigious prep school through overthinking things; the headmaster then makes the mistake of implying that if they can produce a fully cooked turkey for his Thanksgiving dinner (his own having failed to cook properly), he might let Freddie into the school (actually just a ploy to get rid of them once and for all). In a dialogue-free scene, Niles bastes the turkey as Martin races into the kitchen, grabs an ice pack from the freezer, and races out again, followed by Niles with a bottle of wine and an exasperated look. While they are out of the kitchen, Frasier and Lilith return, take the turkey out of the oven, and carry it out to the car. As the timer goes off, Niles returns, then opens the oven, and is thoroughly confused to find the turkey gone. He even checks the other oven.

[[AC:408: Our Father, Whose Art Ain't Heaven]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHWoYoW5zWA The "bull painting" incident]], leading to Frasier, Martin, and Niles having an epic cryfest...
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(crying)'' I made...''our father '''cry!'''''\\
'''Martin:''' ''(crying)'' [[BlatantLies I'm not CRYING!]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, ''I am! I'm the most--ungrateful son there is!''\\
'''Martin:''' ''I can never do anything for my sons!''\\
'''Niles:''' ''({{beat}}, then bawls)'' ''[[{{Wangst}} No one wants to come TO MY PARTY!!!]]''

[[AC:412: Death and the Dog]]
* Because the episode is told as a WholeEpisodeFlashback by Frasier on a particularly slow day to a [[Creator/PattyDuke caller]] who says she has suddenly spiralled into a depressive funk, we get some hilarious LampshadeHanging when the story includes the B-plot about Roz' date with gynaecologist Stephen Kagen. Initially, the story is interrupted by Roz hammering on the glass and glaring at Frasier while holding up her clipboard, on which she has written "Why are you telling her '''this?'''" Later, after Roz attempts to tell some of the story herself and Frasier cuts her off, the flashback shifts to a {{Squick}}ed Roz arriving at Frasier's apartment to reveal that her date turned out to be a collector of antique gynaecological equipment - cut back to the present as an irate Roz upends a cup of water over Frasier's head.
* The episode's A plot revolves around Eddie spiralling into a similarly depressive funk to Frasier's caller, hence his decision to tell the story. Early in the episode, Frasier gets into an argument with Martin and Daphne over their belief that Eddie can understand human speech; cut to the scene from Eddie's POV, and it seems Frasier's right, as all three are speaking complete gibberish apart from the occasional "Eddie". Moments later, after Martin suggests bringing in a dog psychiatrist, Frasier and Niles begin throwing around psychological terms, and we cut to Martin's POV as their conversation devolves into gibberish apart from the occasional "Dad".
* When Arnold Shaw, the dog psychiatrist, interviews the three Crane men and Daphne, Frasier and Niles spend most of the interview snarking, especially once Shaw starts giving Martin a personality quiz regarding how he thinks Eddie would behave as a human being. Daphne's contributions to the quiz involve giving her answers after very long pauses, and following them up immediately with "I don't know why." Once Shaw and Eddie have gone into Martin's room for a one-on-one session, we get this gem:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[completely out of the blue]'' If Eddie were one of Music/TheBeatles... I think he'd be Music/{{George|Harrison}}. I don't know why. ''[exits to the kitchen]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[to Niles, imitating Daphne's vocal inflections]'' And yet she's never been committed. I don't know why!

[[AC:413: Four for the Seesaw]]
* Frasier and Niles have asked two women they've just met to come away for the weekend, but they're not sure if the women think everything's purely platonic:
-->'''Niles:''' These women are inscrutable as sphinxes!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, they've got us into some most veiled, cloaked, cryptic messages. Can't they just give us one clear signal?!\\
'''Beth:''' Well, I'm going to bed. Niles, are you coming? [{{Beat}}]\\
'''Niles:''' Curse these infernal riddles!

[[AC:414: To Kill a Talking Bird]]
* Frasier finally tells Niles that his dog is a substitute for Maris. Niles denies this haughtily, but then:
-->'''Frasier:''' Oh? Remember when Maris wore that pillbox hat to the Duchamps' wedding?\\
''(takes a small flowerpot and puts it on the dog's head. Niles '''faints''' from the realization)''
* One of Niles' most magnificent brotherly putdowns, as he brags about the new apartment complex he's living in:
-->'''Frasier:''' I don't think this building can be as exclusive as you said. Your doorman just waved me right through.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, he recognised you.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(preening)'' Oh! A fan of my show?\\
'''Niles:''' No. He lives in ''your'' building.

[[AC:417: Roz's Turn]]
* Frasier's pirate accent.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(salty pirate voice)'' When my shipmates and I pull into port after several weeks at sea, the first thing we do is... \\
'''Niles:''' ''(into mic, imitating Frasier's accent)'' ...head for the antique sale, arrr!
* A classic zinger from Frasier as a nod to Bebe's SitcomArchNemesis role:
-->'''Roz''': It's not like she worships the devil!\\
'''Frasier''': Well, she doesn't have to; he worships HER!

[[AC:418: Ham Radio]]
* In the opening scene, Frasier meets Niles and Martin at Cafe Nervosa to reveal that he has been asked to re-create the first ever mystery drama aired by KACL, "Nightmare Inn", in honour of the station's 50th anniversary. Niles foreshadows the project's downfall by expressing scepticism over the choice of director:
-->'''Martin:''' ''[taking the script from Frasier]'' Oh, don't tell me, I know! Bunch of people get caught in a storm, and everybody's wondering who's gonna be the first one murdered.\\
'''Frasier:''' Exactly! And I'm going to direct!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh! So we can stop wondering. ''[sips his coffee as Frasier looks unamused]''\\
'''Martin:''' What, you don't think your brother knows how to direct?\\
'''Niles:''' No, the trouble is he doesn't know how to ''stop'' directing. During our prep school production of ''Theatre/RichardIII'' he drove the entire cast crazy with his constant critiquing. I seem to recall a delay on opening night while our Richard chased Frasier round the dressing room, beating him with his hump.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, Niles, it was just a little backstage horseplay to relieve tension! ''[the barista brings him his coffee to go]'' Oh, thank you.\\
'''Niles:''' Mmm. You have an Creator/OrsonWelles complex. By the end of this week, you'll not only be directing, you'll have re-written the script and be playing the lead.\\
'''Frasier:''' I have no intention of performing in it myself. The only re-writing I've done is simply cutting, to get it down to thirty minutes.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[reading the front page as Frasier takes the script back]'' "Frasier Crane's Nightmare Inn"??\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[awkwardly]'' It's just a working title!
* As Niles predicts, Frasier ends up casting himself as the lead (immediately before fellow KACL employee Ian - who looks and sounds exactly like a stereotypical Scotland Yard inspector - runs into Frasier outside his booth and asks if there's still time to read for the role; Frasier says the part has already been cast), with the cast rounded out by Roz, Gil, Bulldog, Bulldog's exotic dancer girlfriend Maxine (who cannot attend rehearsal due to contracting food poisoning; Bulldog suspects the Jell-O in which she was wrestling that day had gone bad), and professional actor Mel White.[[note]] Named in a ShoutOut to Creator/MelBlanc.[[/note]] During a rehearsal at Frasier's apartment with Daphne "providing" the sound effects, Bulldog insists they change the name of Mr. Wang to Mr. Wing because it gives him the giggles ("Sound of people changing Wangs to Wings", says Daphne). However, the script is from TheThirties, leading to his reading of Wing's lines:
-->'''Bulldog:''' ''[heavy YellowPeril accent]'' Oh, me no looky, me go very by chop-chop.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[aghast]'' Stop! Chinese embassy on line one!
* Frasier's overdirection (as foreseen by Niles) leads Mel, who is playing six roles with six different accents, to RageQuit. Cue a classic example of WhoWouldBeStupidEnough:
-->'''Bulldog:''' So whadda we do now, boss?\\
'''Frasier:''' Not to worry! I have a plan! ''[picks up the phone and dials]''\\
'''Roz:''' Oh, yeah, right. We're supposed to do this thing tomorrow night! Where are you going to find an ''idiot'' willing to take six dialect parts unrehearsed?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[into phone]'' Niles!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[as she clears the dining table]'' [[ReadingTheStageDirectionsOutLoud Sound of ominous organ music indicating trouble ahead.]]
* Not for nothing is the actual broadcast of "Nightmare Inn" one of the series' most fondly remembered scenes.
** At Frasier's apartment, Daphne is waiting to listen to the [[FairPlayWhodunnit Whodunnit]] with Martin.
--->'''Daphne:''' I already know the plot but I'll try not to blurt out the name of the murderer.\\
'''Martin:''' Great, as a cop I hated it when people did that.
** Roz's character is a woman with a sexy, exotic accent. However, she arrives from a two-hour emergency dentist appointment with a jaw still chock full of Novocaine, so numb she keeps biting the inside of her lip. Everything comes out in a very slurred, muddled, Elmer Fudd-like mess, and it only gets worse when she has to attempt the phrase, "Multiple murderer."
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[narrating]'' The door was answered by Miss Carlotta Thorndyke. ''[cues Noel to close the sound effect door]'' Her face was unfamiliar, and when she opened her lips... I caught a hint of some exotic accent.\\
'''Roz:''' Inthpect- ow!... ''[winces and holds her jaw]'' Thah Goh you cuh.[[note]] Kelsey Grammer has to wait a while for the studio audience laughter to die down after this line.[[/note]]\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[as the inspector]'' This is a grisly business, Miss Thorndyke.\\
'''Roz:''' I cah bewieve ehh o' my guehh cuh be a... ''[shoulders sagging in defeat]'' muhpehpuhl muhbuhber.\\
'''Frasier:''' That's easy for you to say!
** Frasier improvises around Roz' indisposition by claiming to know her guests by reputation instead of asking her to introduce them. But when he cues Bulldog to read his first line, he freezes with stage fright, so Frasier improvises that Mr. Wing is now a mute who wears a bell on his head to communicate.
** Niles, seeing the script for the first time as the broadcast begins, is not happy to discover that he is playing six characters with six different accents, including several female characters. When he is cued to speak Pépo the dwarf's line, he is mystified as to how to get into character, and tries crouching behind the microphone before acknowledging that this won't work on radio. Finally, Frasier hands him a helium balloon, which he inhales to deliver his line.
** Immediately after Frasier delivers a line about the phone lines being cut, the phone in the studio rings; Noel does not help by answering it with "Studio 5." Frasier shoots him a DeathGlare before pulling out the cord connecting the receiver to the base.
--->'''Martin:''' ''[muting the radio with a remote control]'' I don't remember the plots of these things being so goofy!\\
'''Daphne:''' Mr. Wing wasn't mute last night...
** During the break between acts, the seeds of the play's final destruction are sown when Frasier tells Niles his performance as Hans the German butler could be a bit more gruff, and a seething Niles snaps, "'''Don't'''... direct me!" In the second act, Noel founders a bit with the music cues:
--->'''Frasier:''' Why, ''yes,'' Miss Thorndyke, it appears to be... ''[cues organ music, but a music box-like tune comes out instead]'' ...'''the ice cream truck!''' ''[Noel finally pulls out the offending tape]'' But never mind... that... ''[everybody starts dumping papers from the script]''
** Bulldog's girlfriend Maxine has one line to deliver. However, she has no acting experience, so her delivery is very awkward and wooden. More problematic, though, is her severe dyslexia...
--->'''Maxine:''' ''[unconvincing fake scream; overpronouncing each word]'' Look out! He's got a nug!
** Frasier cuts Nigel Fairservice's dying speech in the interest of time; unfortunately, Gil, who is playing Nigel, is so enamored of the line that he refuses to "die" without finishing the speech. When Frasier finally outdoes him in narrative (by claiming that the last bullet blew his head clean off his shoulders), he gives Frasier a smug look while knocking on and opening the prop door to complete it as Nigel's long lost brother Cedric (Frasier pops another balloon and claims that this extinguishes the Fairservice family entirely), and then the ice cream man from earlier (Frasier pops yet another balloon).
--->'''Daphne:''' This is turning into a '''bloodbath'''!\\
'''Martin:''' See, this is why I prefer television. You want to ''see'' that sort of stuff.
** Finally, Niles loses patience with Frasier's overdirection during his confession speech, and improvises [[RocksFallEveryoneDies a new ending]].
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[narrating]'' By this time... I was more baffled than ever. So I played a hunch! ''[as inspector]'' Hans! May I see your ''fingernails?''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[German accent]'' Vhy?\\
'''Frasier:''' They seem a bit ''ragged''... for a ''butler''.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[German accent]'' All right, all right! I'm ''not'' vhat I appear! None of us is! I'm not a butler! I'm not even ''[moves to next page in script, furrows brow, and drops accent]'' German. ''[shrugs; dramatic organ sting]'' Sit down, Inspector, you're about to hear a fascinating tale. Each of us holds a piece of the puzzle... ''[gets distracted by Frasier pointing toward himself]'' to relate to you. When we've finished, you'll know the full... ''[Frasier brings his arms up in a "more" gesture]'' dark secret of Nightmare Inn.\\
'''Roz:''' Awe you thure we thould, Hanth?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[grimaces at the script]'' Be quiet, ''Mother. [Frasier points dramatically; organ sting plays]'' Mother and I moved here when I was a small boy, after the... ''[Frasier clenches his fist slowly and looks emotionally overwrought, indicating Niles should act likewise; Niles is too distracted by the gestures to process them]'' tragic death of my father. I kept the pain of that loss buried... ''[Frasier makes an anguished face and pounds his chest with his fist]'' deep within me, like a serpent... ''[getting more and more confused and angry at Frasier's gestures]'' coiled within a damp... cave- okay, that's it. ''[throws the script to the floor and grabs the balloons from the sound effect table]'' Never mind all that. I'm just going to take this gun off the table. ''[pops a balloon]'' Sorry about that O'Toole, I guess we'll never hear your fascinating piece of the puzzle. ''[pops two more balloons]'' Or yours, Kragen and Pépo! ''[mentally counts the remaining balloons as Frasier starts discarding pages of his script]'' Will the [=McAllister=] sisters stand back to back? I'm short on bullets. ''[pops another balloon]'' Thank ''you! [to Roz]'' What was your name again, dear?\\
'''Roz:''' Mith Thowndyke.\\
'''Niles:''' Thank ''you! [pops another balloon as Frasier drops more and more pages of his script]'' Ah, and also Mr. Wing. ''[pops another balloon; Noel rings the bell, then silences it as Niles points to him in gratitude; Frasier is now giving him a DeathGlare, which he returns over his final line]'' And of course, one final bullet for myself, so the mystery will die with me! ''[pops the last balloon]'' HA! ''[defiantly hurls the popped balloons aside and joins Roz and Gil at the refreshment table]''

[[AC:422: Are You Being Served?]]
* Five words: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3zWP3Mrbqs the "hot and foamy" scene]].
** The build-up is comedy gold, as Frasier and Niles gradually discover exactly WHAT their mother was writing about in her journal when she described Niles as passive, submissive, and easily cowed by females (thus prompting him to sign the divorce papers Maris has sent him): not her sons Frasier and Niles, but her ''lab rats'' Frasier and Niles.
--->'''Niles:''' ''[reading the journal]'' Do you know what this means?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[disgusted]'' Our mother named us after rodents.\\
'''Niles:''' No, it means I have ended my marriage to the woman I love based on the case history of a spineless ''rat!'' Oh my God...\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[overlapping]'' Niles... Niles...\\
'''Niles:''' ''[starting to panic]'' Oh my God, Maris has seen the papers, it's too late to take it back!\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles, your reasoning was still sound!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[panicking more and more]'' My '''''reasoning!?''' My reasoning was based on my mother's obsession WITH '''VERMIN!''' [hurls down the journal]''
** Niles' panic attack attracts the attention of first Martin, then Daphne, as Frasier ushers his brother into the powder room to splash some cold water on his face; as he tries to offer words of encouragement through the door, we hear what sounds like a gunshot, horrifying Frasier, Martin, and Daphne... until the door opens to reveal the payoff of Martin stopping Daphne from throwing out his old gadgets, including a Hot 'N Foamy shaving foam machine which he plugged into the outlet in the powder room moments earlier:
--->'''Daphne:''' Dr. Crane, are you all right?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[covered in foam]'' I'm fine. ''[{{beat}}]'' I'm just a little hot. And foamy.\\
'''Martin:''' You know what must've happened? [[CaptainObvious My Hot 'N Foamy must have exploded!]]\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[looks at Martin in utter disbelief, then back at Niles]'' [[SarcasmMode He was a detective, you know.]]\\
'''Martin:''' ''[[[SarcasmBlind nods]]]''
** And finally, Niles gets a call from Maris, who was just bluffing with the divorce papers; she is so shocked by his decision to sign them that she agrees to withdraw them and go into couples therapy with him. And so the episode's main plot ends by colliding with a subplot about Frasier's aversion to hugging other men as Niles throws his arms around Frasier... while still covered in shaving foam. Frasier's revolted look is priceless.

[[AC:423: Ask Me No Questions]]
* Near the beginning of the episode, Niles arrives at Frasier's apartment, unconcerned with Frasier's anger at his lateness for their squash game, as he is too busy having an affectionate phone conversation with Maris. Sickened by the display, Frasier dials Niles' mobile phone from his own landline...
-->'''Niles:''' Oh, no, I would love to meet you for lunch, but you know what Dr. Deutsch said, no meetings outside our therapy sessions. Oh, now, Maris... oh, wait, hold on a second, it's my other line. ''[presses button]'' Hello?\\
'''Frasier:''' GET THE HELL OFF THE PHONE!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares at Frasier... and proceeds to speak to him through the phone]'' How ''rude!''\\
'''Frasier:''' Please! Don't you realise it's also rude to be late for an appointment!?\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, ''you'' are telling me about being late for an appointment!?...\\
''[the Crane brothers begin talking over each other, steadily getting faster and louder, until finally an irate Frasier slams his phone down]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[whirls round to face Frasier in outrage]'' How DARE you hang up on me!
* The scene ends as it began when Niles gets another call from Maris:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[answering his phone]'' Hello?... What is it, pumpkin?... Oh, now- now- dear, calm down. I- I'm sure the banging you hear is just the pipes. If one of the servants had actually been walled in during the re-modelling he'd have died weeks ago! ''[Frasier picks up his phone and dials]'' If it- if it will ease your mind at all, why don't you have Marta take roll call? Oh, hold on a second. ''[presses button]'' Hello?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[through the phone]'' Get out.

[[folder:Season 5]]
[[AC:501: Frasier's Imaginary Friend]]
* Frasier's climactic rant of "I AM NOT CRAZY! I am dating a supermodel zoologist, whom I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galapagos Islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! Now is that so hard to believe?!" And when said supermodel-zoologist storms away in disgust at his efforts to prove such...Frasier takes the "glass half-full" view, as he swaggers past the gang, turns to them, and smirks, "''Well''...! Whadaya think o' me ''now''...?"

[[AC:502: The Gift Horse]]
* The episode opens at Cafe Nervosa as Roz gives both Crane brothers a BigDamnKiss, for different reasons:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[standing at the counter as Roz enters behind him]'' Oh, good morning, Roz!\\
'''Roz:''' ''[amorously]'' Good morning... ''[stuns Frasier by passionately kissing him on the lips; it is a few seconds before he has the presence of mind to push her off]''\\
'''Frasier:''' What the hell was that!?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[looks toward the door]'' Oh, ''shoot'', he's not even here!\\
'''Frasier:''' Who?!\\
'''Roz:''' D'you remember that guy who dumped me last month? ''[Frasier rubs his lips as though pushing them back into place after the kiss]'' I thought he was right behind me! [[OperationJealousy I just wanted him to see me with another guy]] so he'd know how ''completely'' over him I am.\\
'''Frasier:''' Good idea, Roz. If that doesn't work, why don't we just get married and have some children, that'd really fix his wagon! ''[picks up his cup of coffee]''\\
'''Roz:''' You probably remember him - Stan?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[slowly gets a look of disgust]'' Stan, the... the smug stockbroker who kept calling me [[AccidentalMisnaming "Fraser"]]?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[laughs]'' Oh, yeah. That's him. ''[Frasier groans; Roz looks to the door again and sighs in disappointment]'' One minute we're hot and heavy, and then he just stops calling - it's so humiliating when someone treats you like you don't even exist!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[proving Roz' point]'' Well, how can someone not hear the difference between "Frasier" and "Fraser"!?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[drily]'' Yeah. That's what bugged me the most, too. ''[rolls her eyes and goes up to the counter to order]''\\
'''Roz:''' ''[sees Stan, a tall man in a suit with blond hair and glasses, enter the cafe]'' Oh my God, here he is. Please?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[resigned]'' Oh, all right.\\
''[Roz pulls Frasier into some heavy liplock; Stan gets an embarrassed look, turns, and exits... just in time for someone else to enter and take in the sight. Frasier disengages from Roz and turns to see...]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[utterly deadpan]'' Hello.\\
'''Frasier:''' Hello Niles. Uh... you know, this [[NotWhatItLooksLike isn't what it looks like,]] ''[Roz continues to nuzzle and kiss Frasier]'' you see, her ex-boyfriend- oh, just stop that! ''[pushes Roz away]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[holds up his hand]'' Please, please, no explanation necessary. I assume at the next meeting of Seattle's "Haven't Kissed Roz" club, it will just be me and the archbishop! ''[chuckles]''\\
'''Roz:''' ''[picking up her coffee and marching toward Niles]'' I'll save you the club dues.\\
'''Niles:''' What-?\\
''[Roz [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKB_El6iTco gives Niles]] a BigDamnKiss, then leaves]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[shocked yet observant]'' '''''Everyone''''' kisses better than Maris!
* Later that day, Frasier is sitting at the dining table, reading the newspaper, and Eddie is staring at him through the glass top. Frasier sneers that Eddie isn't going to distract him this time, and opens the paper so as to completely obscure Eddie from view. Eddie responds by trotting out from under the table and ''jumping several feet into the air.'' '''Repeatedly.'''
* Frasier's deliciously hammy reaction after buying a big screen TV with accompanying sound system with gigantic speakers for Martin's birthday and arriving home after the birthday party to see it fully set up for the first time.
-->'''Frasier''': Oh, dear God ... it's '''''Stonehenge'''''.

[[AC:503: Halloween]]
* Niles is on the phone with Maris as Frasier and Daphne pretend to be [[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe Merry Olde English lovers]], to Niles' consternation.
-->'''Daphne:''' Join me in my bedchamber, my lord?\\
'''Frasier:''' After you, my juicy wench!\\
'''Niles:''' "''My juicy wench''"?! ''(into phone)'' No, no, not you, Maris! Wait, wait! ''(to Frasier)'' I hope you're happy, she's run for her water pills!

[[AC:506: Voyage of the Damned]]
* Frasier discovers that the prestigious "celebrity cruise" Roz convinced him to participate in is actually full of hilariously lame D-listers.
-->'''Frasier:''' You've booked me on a floating [[Series/TheGongShow Gong Show!]]
* And after Roz and Frasier meet [[LoungeLizard the Barracuda]]:
-->'''Barracuda:''' [[LatinLover I see you are versed in the international language of love.]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh yes Roz, say something amusing in ''Esperanto!''
* As he is preparing for his speech, Frasier admits that one of the guests, comedian Giggles O'Shea, is ActuallyPrettyFunny and incorporates some funny lines Giggles gave him to put into his speech. He's then horrified to learn he's only attracted a few people.
-->'''Frasier:''' Giggles had to ''add'' a show!
* Frasier, Roz and Martin are trapped hiding in the bathroom of Maris's suite:
-->'''Roz:''' It's ok, I think she's gone....Oh wait! I see her coat on the hat-rack.\\
'''Frasier:''' Look closer, is the hat-rack moving?\\
'''Roz:''' Oh my ''GOD!!''
* Frasier and Roz are convinced that the Barracuda will be stopping by Maris' suite for an evening of passion; however, Martin is not up to speed on the latest turn of events:
-->''[Frasier, Roz, and Martin hear the doorbell buzz]''\\
'''Roz:''' It's the Barracuda!\\
'''Martin:''' Who's the Barracuda?\\
'''Roz:''' He's a sleazy Latin lounge singer Maris is going to sleep with to get back at Niles for kissing Mimi!\\
'''Martin:''' Who's Mimi?\\
'''Frasier:''' A horny society boozer and the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_O%27Leary Mrs. O'Leary's cow]] of our current predicament!\\
'''Martin:''' [[DerailedForDetails Who's Mrs. O'Leary?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' A woman in Chicago who- oh, I don't have the time!
* Against all odds, Niles has smoothed things over with Maris, and she has invited him back to her suite for champagne. When Frasier, Roz, and Martin tell him she gargled with mouthwash while they were hiding in her bathroom, he implies that an evening of lovemaking is on the agenda as well. He opens the door to join her, and we get this gem:
-->'''Niles:''' Oh, damn. [[DoubleEntendre She started without me.]]\\
'''Frasier, Roz, Martin:''' ''[grimacing]'' Ewww...\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares at them]'' Drinking the champagne.\\
'''Frasier, Roz, Martin:''' ''[relieved]'' Ohh.

[[AC:511: Ain't Nobody's Business if 'I Do']]
* Daphne is worried about the future of her job if Martin marries Sherry, to which Niles tries to console her:
-->'''Niles:''' [[FreudianSlipperySlope I could certainly use you... I would know of a position you could... Services you could... A hole that needs...]]\\
''(Niles grabs the cheque)''\\
'''Niles:''' This is on me.

[[AC:514: The Ski Lodge]]
* This episode marks the series' most explicit homage to the farces of writers like Georges Feydeau, and the entire second half is an utter triumph for the writers. Frasier persuades Roz to give him the ski lodge weekend she has won in a church raffle (partly by pointing out that her pregnancy would limit her options for physical activity and partly by bribing her with a big screen TV), and takes along Niles, Martin, Daphne, and Daphne's DumbBlonde friend Annie; the weekend includes ski lessons from French former Olympian Guy. Niles (who has just filed for divorce from Maris) is more determined than ever to pursue Daphne, who is more interested in Guy; meanwhile, Annie has her eye on Niles, while Frasier is hoping to seduce Annie. And as for Guy... he's especially interested in Niles. All it takes is Martin's cold-induced hearing impairment leading to a few miscommunications and Daphne and Annie accidentally going into each other's bedrooms in front of Frasier and Niles, then swapping back after the brothers have gone into their own rooms, and the stage is set for a series of doors opening and closing and shock discoveries of the wrong people in the wrong beds in states of undress. As if that weren't enough, Guy interprets Daphne's attempts to keep Annie away from Niles (due to her history as a maneater) as a sign that they're in a lesbian relationship. Everything gets topped off by Frasier's perfect summation:
-->'''Frasier:''' Let me see if I can get this straight. All the lust coursing through this lodge tonight, all the hormones virtually ricocheting off the walls, and ''no one...was chasing me? [everyone else absorbs this]'' See you at breakfast.
** In TheStinger, Annie tries knocking on Frasier's door with a bottle of spirits, but returns to her room, deflated... unaware that he had [[MissedHimByThatMuch just stepped out to the kitchen for a moment.]]

[[AC:515: Room Service]]
* Lilith visits to announce her next husband left her... for a man.
-->'''Lilith:''' Brian said he wanted someone more feminine... and he found him.
* Later, Frasier meets Niles for coffee...
-->'''Frasier:''' Speaking of buns I could do without, Lilith is back.\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, that explains why blood was pouring from all my faucets this morning.\\
'''Frasier:''' Now go easy on her. Her husband has left her, and get this: for a man!\\
'''Niles:''' Damn! [[SideBet I owe Dad $5!]]
* Frasier worries that with Lilith vulnerable after her husband has left her, they will end up in bed together against their better judgement. At the episode's halfway point, Lilith wakes up, having slept with... Niles. The significance of the episode's title comes into play when a room service waiter delivers their breakfast (Eggs Benedict for Niles, Eggs Florentine for Lilith). Lilith sends him away for ketchup; when he returns, Frasier is in the room with Lilith instead, and, unaware of Niles' presence, asks the waiter to bring up some Eggs Benedict. When the flummoxed waiter returns with Frasier's breakfast, he finds Frasier and ''Niles'' in the room.
-->'''Waiter:''' ''(responding to others at many points of the scene)'' [[SureLetsGoWithThat Okay...]]

[[AC:519: Frasier Gotta Have It]]
* Frasier's fling with an extreme GranolaGirl. He starts to get turned off when he finds out she installed meat hooks on her ceiling, cuts her own hair and puts it in her pillows, uses dead mice for her artwork, and howls at the moon like a wolf. He's fleeing when Caitlyn asks, "Don't you think I'm worth it" and removes her top. Frasier's response: he howls like a wolf.

[[AC:521: Roz and the Schnoz]]
* This is one of the funniest episodes in the series, when Roz finds out the grandparents of her unborn child, Steve and Paula Garrett, have gigantic noses - and they are completely oblivious to the fact, which leaves everyone in stitches when they're not watching. It gets especially funny when they keep dropping unintentional {{Pun}}s - for example:
-->'''Paula:''' Daphne mentioned you're going to a dog show?\\
'''Niles:''' Yes, the Seattle Kennel Club is having its annual event tonight.\\
'''Paula:''' You know, Steve and I went to that a few years ago, we just love dogs! We have two giant '''schnauzers'''.\\
''[Niles has the fixed grin of someone trying desperately not to laugh, while Daphne has to hide her face behind her hand as she starts giggling; the studio audience are laughing hardest of all]''
* At Frasier's invitation, Roz finally ushers Steve and Paula onto the balcony of his apartment ("I could use a breath of fresh air!" says Paula, setting off Niles and Daphne again). Then Martin returns early from a failed excursion to retrace his and Duke's 1952 shore leave weekend in San Francisco, as he tells Frasier:
-->'''Martin:''' ''[enters with a duffel bag and a sour expression]'' I'm home.\\
'''Frasier:''' Dad! What are you doing here?\\
'''Martin:''' Aw, Frisco was a bust! All our watering holes are gone, the steakhouse is a sushi bar! And then this morning Duke and I went out for a walk. We passed City Hall, and there's this big crowd, kinda like a pep rally or something. ''[removes and hangs up his coat]'' So, we joined 'em. Well, some official guy up front says something that we didn't hear, next thing you know, everybody's throwing rice, [[HoYay and all the men are kissing each other]], [[LesYay and all the women are kissing each other]], and I'm not sure but [[AccidentalMarriage I think Duke and I may be married]].
* Martin is just as gobsmacked as the other four by the sight of Steve and Paula's enormous noses - and their apparent oblivion to said facial features. And when Paula offhandedly mentions that she is apprehensive about joining their son Rick (Roz's baby daddy) in Paris as she hears Parisians can be '''snooty''', Daphne, Niles, and Martin have to leave the room for the kitchen - at which point they double over (or in Niles' case, fall over) laughing.
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[whispering through laughter as she removes a quiche from the oven]'' We've got to stop, they'll hear us!\\
'''Steve:''' ''[from the living room]'' Mmm, what's that I smell?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[sotto voce]'' Probably Japan. ''[he, Niles, and Daphne double over laughing again]''
* Frasier reprimands his brother, father, and his father's live-in physical therapist for their insensitivity... and is then pushed to breaking point himself when he presents the quiche that has just come out of the oven. Fortunately, Steve inadvertently gives him a cover by reacting to his presentation of the Quiche Lorraine with "Quiche her? I hardly know her!":
-->''[Frasier is standing between Steve and Paula, his struggle to keep from laughing getting mightier by the second]''\\
'''Paula:''' Do you mind if I ask? Is this homemade or store-bought?\\
'''Steve:''' Honey, don't ask that! Pardon my wife, sometimes she gets a little '''''nosey'''''.\\
'''Paula:''' Me '''''nosey'''''? You're the '''''nosey''''' one in the family.\\
'''Steve:''' Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosey'''''!\\
'''Paula:''' Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosier'''''!\\
''[and that's all Frasier can stand; he wordlessly hands the quiche to Niles and heads for the kitchen]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[smirking]'' Something wrong, Fras?\\
''[as Frasier enters the kitchen, he bursts into hysterical laughter, which sets off Martin, Niles, and Daphne as well; Frasier eventually appears in the doorway]''\\
'''Frasier:''' "Quiche her? I hardly know her!" ''[through more laughter]'' I... just... got that!
* Frasier tries to console Roz, but she says what everyone is probably thinking:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know Roz, in spite of a rather shaky beginning, I think this evening's turned out rather well.\\
'''Roz:''' Oh yeah, and you were absolutely right, Frasier. Now I can see some of the qualities my baby can have. A great sense of humor... a sweet disposition... '''[[{{Angrish}} a nose like an ANTEATER!]]'''!
* Finally, Roz gets some relief that Rick, the father, had a normal nose. Then she learns that Rick broke his nose in a hockey accident, and had plastic surgery to fix it. Steve and Paula give her a picture of Rick from ''before'' the surgery. After they leave, Roz's reaction to the picture is predictable:
-->'''Roz:''' '''''Oh my GOD!'''''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, come on, Roz! It can't be that bad, let me have a look!\\
'''Roz:''' No, no way, no! I'll never hear the end of it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Please.\\
''(Roz shows Frasier the photos. He looks... and quickly shows them to Niles and Daphne. They stare.)''\\
'''Niles:''' ''(awed)'' Where '''''is''''' the end of it?
* After everything's been settled, Daphne still {{Troll}}s Roz:
-->'''Roz:''' Oh, I just felt a kick.\\
'''Daphne:''' You sure it wasn't a sneeze?\\
'''Roz:''' ''(amiably)'' Ha. ha.

[[AC:524: Sweet Dreams]]
* With Frasier's car in the shop, Daphne is forced to chauffeur him around, and gets dragged to a protest against the demolition of a local bookstore by a strip mall developer. When the police start arresting the demonstrators, Frasier is off like a shot while Daphne ends up in jail. She is understandably angry at Frasier when Martin finally bails her out after six hours at the police station, and Niles tries to offer his support, only to tumble headlong into ThatCameOutWrong - and, somehow, straight back out again:
-->'''Frasier:''' Daphne... I am... so sorry, I feel just terrible.\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[icily]'' As you should! You left me handcuffed and helpless!\\
'''Niles:''' If you ''ever'' find yourself in that position again, be sure to call on me! ''[Daphne gives him a puzzled look, while Frasier opts for a contemptuous glare; Niles returns Frasier's glare]'' '''For help.'''\\
'''Daphne:''' Thank you, Dr. Crane! ''[to Frasier]'' Shame on you, Dr. Crane! Why can't you be more like Dr. Crane?
* Frasier ends up declining Niles' invitation to a new fusion restaurant, but Martin, after six hours in the police station, says he is hungry enough for anything and leaves with Niles as the latter begins explaining the cuisine (which fuses Polynesian and Scandinavian; Frasier drily notes that perhaps God put those countries so far apart for a reason). Frasier picks up the phone and dials a pizza joint - and correctly anticipates what happens next:
-->'''Frasier:''' Hello. Yes, I'd like to order a large pizza. What toppings? Huh. Uh... just a second... ''[Martin opens the front door]'' Dad, what do you want on your pizza?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[sickened]'' Pepperoni!
* This episode sees the introduction of new KACL station manager Kenny Daly, who wants Frasier to advertise Sweet Dreams tea on his show by claiming it gives people sweet dreams. As a psychiatrist, Frasier knows this is false and sees it as a betrayal of his principles to say it is true. So when his broadcast begins, he decides to protest against being forced to advertise something he doesn't believe in. Unfortunately, the station chooses a bad time to cut his broadcast and air a ''Best of Crane'' episode:
-->'''Frasier:''' Good afternoon, Seattle. The people who know me best will not be surprised by what I am about to tell you. I... am ''not'' a man... who betrays... his principles. ''[Roz looks at Kenny, who shakes his head sadly]'' I am not a man who misleads his listeners. I am not a man who will shrink from a fight! ''[looks at Kenny, who leaves Roz' booth; Roz removes her headphones and sighs]'' Today I find myself in a fight over the content of my show, but rather than truckle to the forces of ''commercialism'', I've decided to take a stand on principle! Even if it means- ''[Roz enters from her booth, her coat over her arm; Frasier smiles thinly]'' I'm not on the air, am I.\\
'''Roz:''' No. They put on ''The Best of Crane''.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[removes his headphones]'' How much did I get out?\\
'''Roz:''' Well, let's see... ''[presses Play on the broadcast tape]''\\
'''Recording Frasier:''' The people who know me best will not be surprised by what I am about to tell you. I... am ''not'' a man.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[spends a few seconds absorbing this]'' Perfect.

[[folder:Season 6]]
[[AC:603: Dial M for Martin]]
* Niles enters Cafe Nervosa to find Roz and Martin sharing a table:
-->'''Niles:''' I'm not interrupting anything personal, am I?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[takes Martin's hand]'' Yeah, Niles, we just eloped. I'm your new mom. ''[Martin pats her hand]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[smirks]'' Well, I'll be a son of a bitch. ''[Roz shoots him a DeathGlare]''

[[AC:605: First, Do No Harm]]
* This exchange in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. TooMuchInformation at its finest:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know, you're jealous. You're jealous that I'm having sex. Jealous that I'm having hot, passionate, sweaty jungle sex. What are you having?\\
''[he doesn't notice the waitress behind him]''\\
'''Niles:''' I'm having a latte.

[[AC:607: How to Bury a Millionaire]]
* Niles' guided tour of his new apartment in the Shangri-La, especially the 'master bedroom' and the heavy hints as to what became of its last tenant.

[[AC:614: Three Valentines]]
* Niles' vignette, "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mWiPaQ872c A Valentine for Niles]]." Comparisons to Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin are not unwarranted. It was billed as "The funniest five minutes on television" in the ads. They're right. The only sound is the soundtrack (two pieces by Mozart; the finale of Symphony No.40, and the overture to ''Theatre/TheMarriageOfFigaro''), and it is perfect. It all starts with Niles noticing the crease in one of his trouser legs is crooked, and ends with Niles unconscious and trouserless in the doorway of Frasier's apartment, the living room and dining room covered with fire extinguisher foam, and Eddie eating the remains of Niles' dinner off the still-smouldering couch where it landed. Eddie's reactions to the chaos unfolding in front of him only add to the hilarity.

[[AC:615: To Tell the Truth]]
* Niles' divorce from Maris goes from bad to worse:
-->'''Niles:''' That's it. I've lost. Maris has won...Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That why Niles lives in the Shangri-La and drives a [[FelonyMisdemeanor HATCHBACK!]]

[[AC:617: The Dinner Party]]
* ''The entire episode'' is one long string of Crowning Moments building up to future Crowning Moments. To recap some of them:
** First, the brothers try to set a date to throw a joint dinner party.
--->'''Niles:''' Oh, what about the 11th?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, concert tickets.\\
'''Niles:''' I don't have that marked.\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, I'm taking a date.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, isn't that nice. ''[writes in his diary]'' 11th, "Expect desperate last-minute call from F."
** The brothers agree they can each black ball three guests they don't want at the party, and use three nuts each from the nut tray. After Frasier blackballs Niles' first two choices, assuring us that [[SeriousBusiness "we don't question the blackball"]] once it's thrown, Niles cooks up a gambit to get Frasier to use up his last blackball by suggesting a couple known to them as "The Drunken Duncans". It backfires when Frasier cheerfully pretends to accept the Duncans, forcing Niles to use a blackball on his own pick.
** When Frasier throws in a fourth ball, Niles catches on and reaches into the bowl.
--->'''Niles''': This is a dried-up old fig! \\
'''Frasier:''' So is Lucy Cromwell, I don't want her at my party.
** They call the Walburts to invite them, but when Mrs. Walburt doesn't hang up properly they overhear her saying it doesn't matter which "Dr. Crane" invited them, "you get the one you get that other one. Personally I think the whole thing is a little..."
*** At first, Niles tries to pass it off as a compliment.
---->'''Frasier:''' Oh? Is there a ''good'' end to that sentence?! "Personally, I think the whole thing is a little ''charming''"?!
*** Cue the pair arguing over who's "the one" and who's "that other one".
---->'''Frasier:''' Perhaps she has a point. Ever since your divorce you have become more and more attached to me. Maybe that's why she said what she said.\\
'''Niles:''' What?\\
'''Frasier:''' You get Frasier, you get that Niles!\\
'''Niles:''' She didn't say that. She said "you get the one, you get that other one." What makes you think that you're the one and I'm that other one?!\\
'''Frasier:''' I am the one giving the party, and you are that other one!\\
'''Niles:''' I'm the one that invited her, so that makes you that other one!\\
''later, after some more arguing''\\
'''Niles:''' This is absurd! Why don't we just call Allison up and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us? We can both get her on an extension.\\
'''Frasier:''' Great idea, Niles! Better yet, why don't we just get on a bicycle built for two, ride over there and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us!
*** It culminates in this:
---->'''Niles:''' Why is Joaquin on such a strict diet?\\
'''Frasier:''' Because the Joaquin they're bringing to dinner is... their foster child! From a tiny village on the pampas. He speaks no English and he gets nauseated when he eats American food!\\
'''Niles:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint So, he's not the conductor of the Buenos Aires Philharmonic?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(beat)'' '''''Oh, you are SO "that other one"!'''''
*** They ask Martin:
---->'''Frasier:''' Dad, do you think we're odd? \\
''({{beat}})'' \\
'''Martin:''' No, you're not odd. You're just "special". Your mother told me that when you were kids and I still believe it.
** This also sets up TheStinger when Martin tells the two about [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers two eccentric brothers]] who shared a New York apartment and built a maze out of newspapers that one got lost in and died. After bidding farewell to Niles, Frasier takes a stack of newspapers out for recycling.
** Frasier summing up their condition when their favorite guests have to cancel.
--->'''Niles:''' So where does that leave us? \\
'''Frasier:''' Well, let's see... we have a third-rate caterer with a record, a couple of lushes, a couple who think we're both nutcases, an Argentine wild child and Roz! ''(throws down list)'' Dinner is served!
** The party plans become such a disaster that Niles has no choice but to ''black ball himself''.
* The B-story features Daphne and Roz going to a British Consulate ball. A stain on one of the dresses forces them to deal with who will wear the elegant LittleBlackDress and who will wear the more... suggestive dress. Predictably, guess who wears the latter dress?
-->'''Daphne:''' Doesn't she look beautiful!\\
'''Roz:''' ''(extremely annoyed)'' Oh, shut it, Daphne! I know you think I look like a hooker.\\
'''Daphne:''' No, I said it made ''me'' look like a hooker. On you... well, it works!

[[AC:618: Taps at the Montana]]
* Niles's cockatoo [[NotInFrontOfTheParrot has an amazing gift for latching onto the wrong dialogue.]]
-->'''Cockatoo:''' AWK! Stuff it, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''Ohhhhh'' don't tempt me.
* The next time we see the cockatoo, she is lying dead on the kitchen table, so Frasier and Daphne cover her with a dish towel before breaking the news to Niles. Then one of his party guests enters, having spilled wine on her blouse, and reaches for the towel. Daphne quickly pushes the towel down and says she should use something much better, as Niles hands her... a piece of bread. She goes along with it, describing bread as "nature's sponge", but the look she exchanges with Niles afterward is hysterical.

[[AC:619: IQ]]
* Frasier and Niles have won a lunch with three Nobel laureates in a charity auction, but Frasier is left feeling insecure about his intellect after he and Niles finally look at their childhood IQ test results - and Niles scored 27 points higher than Frasier (whereas their mother had always told them the gap was two points and never specified whose score was higher). After shooing Niles out of his apartment, Frasier speeds off to the library for a cram session in the scientific journal archives, but when he meets Niles for lunch with the laureates the next day, he discovers that Niles also spent the night at the library. The hilarity of the scene starts with Frasier twitching uncontrollably after drinking endless cups of coffee the previous night, while Niles is sneezing and scratching his ear after his library session caused a flare-up of his parchment mite allergy.
** Niles has already taken two antihistamine tablets, but is still sneezing, so he takes another two tablets... only to sneeze them back into his hand before he swallows them. He thinks for a moment, then downs them again anyway. The second dose sends his brain into the stratosphere without him:
--->'''Frasier:''' Niles, why don't you just go home and go to bed!?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[struggling to put the cap back on his antihistamine bottle]'' Well, that is ''exactly'' what you'd like for me to be happening.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[confused]'' What did you just say?\\
'''Niles:''' Well... if you didn't repeat it the first time, I'm not gonna listen to it. ''[continues trying to line up the bottle and the lid]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[absorbs this]'' Niles, Niles, that medication, it's- it's affecting your speech! ''[points at the bottle; he doesn't notice his hand start shaking]'' You've just taken a second dose of it, for God's sakes, you're gonna make a fool out of yourself!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Well, ''you should talk'', look at your shaky hands and your twitchy eyes, ''[gasps]'' you were up all night drinking coffee all night last night, weren't you?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[overlapping with the last part of Niles' sentence]'' No- I am not- I was not- I am ''not'' twitching, you will not psyche me into twitching! ''[his eye starts twitching more and more]''\\
'''Waiter:''' ''[walks over and fills Frasier's water glass]'' Gentlemen! May I offer you a... ''[trails off as he notices Frasier's eye twitching]'' Sir, is your eye bothering you?\\
'''Frasier:''' [[BlatantLies No! No, it's fine.]] ''[his eye continues to twitch]''\\
'''Waiter:''' Can I get you something to drink?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, thank you- oh, well, yes, some coffee. Decaf!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[scratching his ear like a dog]'' I'd like a cup of... tea sounds nice.\\
'''Waiter:''' ''[clearly not sure what to make of the brothers' behaviour]'' ... very good. ''[leaves]''
** Both brothers' mental states continue to deteriorate, Niles' much more quickly than Frasier's:
--->'''Frasier:''' You know what, Niles, you really should leave, you're embarrassing yourself. ''[he tries to take a drink from his glass, but his hand is shaking so violently that he spills it all over himself; he quickly puts it down again]'' For God's sakes! ''[frantically wipes up the spilled water with a napkin]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[shaking his head]'' I'm ''never'' leaving while you're still... not leaving. You... ''know'' you had the good bed.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[confused]'' Well, now you're just hallucinating!\\
'''Niles:''' No, when we moved to Wallace Lane! And we shared a room and you got to pick where you would be... having your... sleeping. ''[sniffs, then leans toward Frasier and puts his elbow in a plate of butter intended for bread rolls]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[even more confused]'' Niles, the beds were identical! Oh, why am I even bothering explaining this to a man who has his elbow in the butter!?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[looks at his other elbow, which is on the back of his chair, then grins triumphantly]'' Well, who's hallucinationing now?\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles, have you ever taken these pills before?\\
'''Niles:''' No, but they've fixed my nose! ''[bats his ear furiously; Frasier groans]'' You know, I just wish they wouldn't make me so hyper! ''[slumps onto the table, knocking over Frasier's water glass]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, good ''lord!'' Oh, for God's sakes, you've spilled water all over me, you jackass! ''[hurriedly wipes his jacket and trousers down with his napkin, but it is now soaking wet]'' Just give me another napkin!\\
'''Niles:''' Ooh, napkin. Hello, napkin! ''[picks up another napkin and begins idly swinging it around]'' Napkin, napkin...\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[trying to grab the napkin out of Niles' hand]'' Give - give - give me that! ''[finally grabs the napkin and wipes himself down as Niles seems to fade from consciousness]'' Oh, Niles, wake up, wake up!
** Naturally, the three laureates arrive just as the brothers hit rock bottom; Frasier stands up to greet them and discovers the hard way that he has accidentally tucked the tablecloth into the front of his trousers while wiping up the spilled water, and he drags the entire contents of the table - including Niles - onto the floor. For his part, Niles, upon being introduced by Frasier, sneezes into his hand, then extends it up from where he has fallen to shake the laureates' hands (they understandably decline).
** Later that evening, Frasier reveals that the spectacle didn't end there; after the abortive lunch with the laureates, Niles did $1,000 in damage by knocking over the aquarium on his way out, leaving Frasier with a mental image of his brother sprawled across a bed of live koi and weeping as he tried to perform CPR on the plastic diver - an image that he says he will re-visit whenever he feels insecure about Niles' supposedly superior intellect.

[[AC:620: Dr. Nora]]
* Three words: "'''''[[MyBelovedSmother YOU LITTLE WHORE!!!]]'''''" The StuntCasting makes it even better, since Nora's mother is played by Piper Laurie, an actress whose best-known role involves [[Film/{{Carrie}} slut-shaming her daughter.]]
-->'''Mrs. Mulhearne:''' So, you thought you could get away from me, did you? Thought you could leave me to rot in that dump without [[TheAlcoholic barely enough cash for a bottle of Mateus]]! You'll pay for that, missy!\\
'''Roz:''' ''(jumping for joy)'' I was wrong, Frasier. Your way ''is'' better!

[[folder:Season 7]]
[[AC:701: Momma Mia]]
* Frasier begins dating a woman whom Niles and Martin immediately notice as a dead ringer for the late Hester Crane. However, Frasier hasn't noticed the resemblance between his mother and his girlfriend, leading to the following hilarious exchange between Niles and Martin after Frasier berates Niles for his bug phobia and insists he seek professional help:
-->'''Martin:''' ''God'', she looks just like your mother!\\
'''Niles:''' I know. And Frasier... doesn't see it.\\
'''Martin:''' You're kidding!\\
'''Niles:''' No. And he has the gall to tell me ''I'm'' blind. He's ''clearly'' the one dealing with repressed material, not to mention the obvious Oedipal issues.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[nodding]'' Argle gargle google goop.\\
'''Niles:''' ... what?!\\
'''Martin:''' Now you know how it feels, ''what are you talking about!?''

[[AC:702: Father of the Bride]]
* After Frasier accidentally offers to pay for Daphne's wedding [[ItMakesSenseInContext (due to a bad case of the hiccups),]] he and Martin are desperate for an excuse to back out without hurting Daphne's feelings. Cue the following:
-->'''Martin:''' Donnie's not gonna let us pay for this! We're not even family!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes! You saw how he proposed, on bended knee! He's nothing if not a hopeless romantic!\\
''[Frasier opens the door to find Donnie on the phone]''\\
'''Donnie:''' Any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash!
* Later in the same episode, Frasier is [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qaQNnkq4xI desperately]] trying to convince Niles that his new "girlfriend" Sabrina is actually a high-class call girl:
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say? Is she ''fascinated'' by everything about you?\\
'''Niles:''' Well...\\
'''Frasier:''' Even your collections?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[Defensively]'' Yes. I even showed her my collection of rare 18th century Portuguese bud vases.\\
'''Frasier:''' And how did she respond?\\
'''Niles:''' If you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collects porcelain and [[ExplainExplainOhCrap oh my God, I'm dating a whore!]] ... They have my ''credit card number''! I've been running up a ''tab''!

[[AC:707: A Tsar is Born]]
* One word: "[[DrinkingGame VENEER!]]"
-->'''Sara Briggs:'''[[note]] In her capacity as presenter of ''The Antiques Roadshow''.[[/note]] But the real masterwork is the unique Art Deco headboard. It features a variety of veneers.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take a sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' Mahogany veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... burled walnut veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take yet another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... and zebra wood veneer.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' ''[now looking a bit dizzy]'' VENEER! ''[they still all take a sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' And now, back to our...\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, God... next week we gotta pick a different word.

[[AC:709: The Apparent Trap]]
* Martin knocks on the front door after hiding from Lilith and asks Frasier in a bad whisper, "Is the witch gone yet?" and sees her over Frasier's shoulder. "Oh, Lilith! I was just asking Frasier - is my twitch gone yet?" Complete with very bad fake facial tic. To which Lilith only deadpans, "Skillfully done, Martin."
* Niles is going to say goodbye to Freddy and finds him playing a [=PS2=]. Freddy gets him to play and everything afterwords is pure gold.
-->'''Freddy''': That's your guy, you've just escaped from an intergalactic maximum-security prison pod.\\
'''Niles''': Like they could hold me.\\
''[Niles immediately dies by falling over in the training level.]''
** Freddy is in awe because he didn't know it was even possible to die there. Niles then spends the entire episode failing at the game, and when Lilith comes through to talk to him, she takes the controller and starts playing. Extremely well.
-->'''Niles''': I didn't know there was a door there.
** At the instant when Lilith enters the room, the game character screams.
* The plot involves a complex long-game that Freddy may-or-may-not be pulling to manipulate his parents into getting back together (or not). Lilith believes she's cottoned on to his true scheme[[note]]He actually wants a mini-bike and hopes that his parents will buy him one to cushion his 'disappointment' when they reveal that they aren't reuniting.[[/note]] and to Frasier's horror calls his bluff by revealing that she and Frasier are in fact reuniting. Freddy goes to spread the news... including to Niles, who as soon as he hears it storms into the room with a truly hilarious rictus grin combining rage, terror, worry and the most unconvincing fake joy you've ever seen:
-->'''Niles:''' ''What's this joyous news I hear?!''\\
'''Lilith:''' You know, Frederick, you're going to have to give up all of your friends, because we're going to live here in Seattle.\\
'''Freddy:''' I'd live anywhere to be a family again.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[in one single sentence]'' So it is true congratulations to you both good night. ''[walks to the door without looking at anyone, his whole posture stiff as a board with tension]''\\
'''Freddy:''' Don't you want your coat, Uncle Niles?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[still not looking back]'' No thank you! ''[storms out]''

[[AC:710: Back Talk]]
* Although this episode is best remembered for the WhamLine in the third act (Frasier, flying high on painkillers, unwittingly tells Daphne that Niles has been in love with her for six years), it still has room for humour, especially when Frasier decides to act on Roz' suggestion that he "medicate" his back pain by talking about things that are bothering him... to Eddie. Frasier doesn't see Daphne enter behind him and overhear him say that he loves her (platonically, but he doesn't specify as much) and needs to tell her before she moves in with Donny, but Eddie ''does'' see her; when Frasier finishes his "confession" (and Daphne has fled the room in shock), he notices that Eddie has buried his face in the couch.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[angrily]'' You know, there are subtler ways to let the patient know his hour is up!

[[AC:711: The Fight Before Christmas]]
* Once again, while the focus in this episode is on the seismic shift in the Niles/Daphne story arc, it still finds time for humour. Daphne's tendency to address both Frasier and Niles as "Dr. Crane", having already caused the misunderstanding that ultimately led Frasier to reveal that Niles has been in love with Daphne for six years, then causes further misunderstandings when she confides in Roz:
-->'''Roz:''' Well, who spilled the beans? It was Frasier, wasn't it?\\
'''Daphne:''' Yes, but he doesn't know he told me.\\
'''Roz:''' He doesn't?\\
'''Daphne:''' No, he was on those painkillers for his back, and... well, I can't very well discuss it with Dr. Crane. He's so close to Dr. Crane! If I told him, he might tell Dr. Crane, and then Dr. Crane might feel embarrassed.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' Yeah. Why confuse things.
* Niles, meanwhile, has to visit Maris to offer his condolences after the death of their gardener, Yoshi (he had a heart attack while trimming Maris' hedge maze; "the paramedics never had a chance," says Niles). Frasier, concerned over how that might go over with Mel, advises Niles not to tell her that he is visiting Maris. However, things fall apart when Mel shows up at the KACL Christmas party, having been invited after doing a segment on breast augmentation during Cosmetic Surgery Week on ''Health Chat'' ("How uplifting!" says Frasier; Mel is unamused).
** Niles' cover story was that he was having dinner with Frasier. Unfortunately, Frasier doesn't learn of this until ''after'' Mel has asked him how said dinner went and he has told her he spent the evening preparing for his Christmas party instead, causing Mel to storm off without a further word. The funny part comes from the ensuing conversation with an outraged (sort of, anyway) Niles:
--->'''Niles:''' Frasier, Frasier, glad I saw you, listen, about last night, if Mel should ask-\\
'''Frasier:''' [[OhCrap Oh... dear.]]\\
'''Niles:''' Oh no.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh yes.\\
'''Niles:''' And you...\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm afraid so.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[seething]'' DAMN you!\\
'''Frasier:''' Well-\\
'''Niles:''' ''You're'' the one that told me to lie to her, now you fail to ''["hits" Frasier on the arm repeatedly, looking more like he is trying to brush a patch of dirt off his sleeve]'' back me up! ''[stomps off to intercept Mel at the coat rack]''\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm a little pre-occupied, I'm having a party tonight for two hundred people! ''[Kenny happens to walk past over this last part; as he hasn't been invited, this is the first he has heard about Frasier's party]''\\
'''Kenny:''' Well, I won't lie to you, Doc... this hurts.
** Niles manages to catch Mel before she leaves; her first assumption is that he is seeing someone behind her back, so she asks for "the little whore's name", but Niles lies again and says he was buying Mel's Christmas gift. Mollified, she lets Niles hang up her coat again and goes to get drinks, whereupon she runs into Frasier again - and Frasier is unaware that Niles ''still'' hasn't told the truth about seeing Maris...
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh, Mel, ah, this is awkward, uh...\\
'''Mel:''' Oh, no no no, Frasier, Niles explained everything, and while I don't like being lied to, I, I do appreciate why he did it.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, I'm so glad!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[racing over to Mel and Frasier]'' '''Oooooh''' 'ello! ''[with a very forced grin]'' Hello! Chatting, are we?\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, actually, I wa- I was just apologising for my part in your little misunderstanding.\\
'''Niles:''' Ah yes, well, then, of course, you were discussing the present. ''[looks at Frasier, hoping he'll take the hint]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[takes the wrong hint]'' Oh, yes, yes, the present! And the future... ''[raises his cup]'' Maris is all in the past. ''[chuckles]''\\
'''Mel:''' ''[turns slowly to look at a chagrined Niles, then back at Frasier, ice in her voice]'' Maris.\\
'''Frasier:''' ... oh dear.\\
'''Mel:''' You were with ''Maris'' last night.\\
'''Niles:''' Well-\\
'''Mel:''' HOW ''dare'' you!... ''[slams her cup down and marches off again]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares venomously at Frasier]'' Anything else in the box, Pandora!? ''[hurries after Mel]''
** This time, Niles is unable to placate Mel, who declares that Niles is "obviously still in love with her" and that she's not about to share him; Roz is fetching her coat during this conversation and so hears every word (but doesn't know that "her" refers to Maris, not Daphne). The scene ends with the climax of the plot thread that Roz is the only KACL staffer invited to Frasier's Christmas party, as a livid Niles rebuffs Frasier's attempt at an apology by saying, loudly enough for everyone in the room to hear, that he only cares about the party he is hosting that night. As the KACL staff all begin glaring daggers at Frasier for not inviting them to his party, he gets a hilarious fixed grin on his face and slowly tiptoes out of the room.
* At Frasier's (dismally attended) Christmas party, Roz relays Niles and Mel's exchange to Daphne, who starts panicking that Niles will finally act on his six-year crush on her. However, in the process, she tries to draw on experience Roz doesn't have:
-->'''Daphne:''' But what if he says something to me!?\\
'''Roz:''' Just let him down gently.\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, it never works out that easily! You know what happens when you say "no" to a guy!\\
'''Roz:''' ''[[[ReallyGetsAround having never said "no" to a guy in her life]]]'' Yeah... sure.

[[AC:713: They're Playing Our Song]]
* Only Frasier could take a simple request for a pre-show jingle and turn it into [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrEAfdUmY4w this.]]
-->'''Daphne:''' It was like Creator/GilbertAndSullivan - only frightening.

[[AC:714: Big Crane on Campus]]
* When Frasier runs into Lorna Lynley (before she was re-named Lana Lynley by the writers), the most popular girl from his high school, he learns that she is recently divorced, but loses his nerve when he tries to ask her out and instead asks her to appraise his apartment in her capacity as a real estate agent. As he rushes Martin out of the apartment, Niles arrives, and we get a goldmine of funny moments as the scene plays out like a teenager trying to get rid of his AnnoyingYoungerSibling before his date shows up:
** First, there's Niles' entrance line:
--->'''Frasier:''' Niles! What are you doing here?\\
'''Niles:''' Well, I've got a crisis. Tomorrow's Mel's birthday, and I'm planning a very romantic evening, but my Gaggenau[[note]] He pronounces it "gag-ah-noh"; as Gaggenau are a German appliance manufacturer, a more accurate pronunciation would be "gag-ah-now".[[/note]] is on the fritz.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[{{Squick}}ed]'' Oh, geez, I don't need to hear this!\\
'''Frasier:''' Dad, it's a ''stove''.\\
'''Martin:''' I know! Six burners and a griddle! Don't you guys ever talk about cars?! ''[leaves]''
** Frasier agrees to let Niles use his kitchen the next day, but then tries to get him to leave. Unfortunately, his explanation that he has a date just stops Niles in his tracks:
--->'''Niles:''' ''[grins eagerly]'' Oh? Anyone I know?\\
'''Frasier:''' As a matter of fact, yes: Lorna Lynley.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[impressed]'' Oh!... No, really, who?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, it's true! I, I bumped into her today at the cafe.\\
'''Niles:''' Lorna Lynley? You, sir, have moxie! ''[Frasier laughs modestly]'' Why, even with all my vested authority as hall monitor, I could never muster the courage to see her ''bathroom pass'' and you ''asked her out? [Frasier laughs modestly again]'' Whoa! I bow down before you! I doff my cap to you!\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, actually, it- it's not really a date.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[smirks]'' I knew it.\\
'''Frasier:''' You see, uh, she's coming over to appraise the apartment, she's in real estate. And I... tried to ask her out, and I choked. I did get the impression that she was interested in me, though!\\
'''Niles:''' Well, of course she is. Oh, and the coach called, you're starting in the big game on Sunday.
** Frasier resumes his attempts to get rid of Niles, but is unable to make any progress before the doorbell rings, sending both of them into a giddy panic. Frasier tells Niles he gets one quick "hello" and then has to leave, but the second Lorna enters and shakes his hand, Niles starts giggling like a schoolboy, not saying so much as one coherent word before he leaves. The next morning, after Frasier and Lorna have spent the night together, Niles shows up with the ingredients for his dinner with Mel, and when Lorna appears out of Frasier's room and greets him with a playful tousle of his hair, he dissolves into giggling ''again''.
* Frasier doesn't discover until after he has spent the night with Lorna that she smokes, drinks copiously, and has a very short temper. He walks her to the elevator in his building as she is smoking a cigarette, and she passionately kisses him goodbye before the doors close - at which point he breathes out the mouthful of cigarette smoke she just gave him.
* Niles enlists Daphne's help in preparing his birthday dinner for Mel, and burns his hand on a hot pan handle. She rubs some aloe cream on his palm, and, as she is still trying to make sense of her own feelings for Niles after learning of his six-year crush on her, her administration of first aid starts to take on a more affectionate tone, to Niles' confusion. Then Martin walks in - prompting an alarmed Daphne to jump back from Niles, denying anything has happened... and then picking up an ''oven timer'' before saying "Oh my, look at the time, I've got to run!" Martin, meanwhile, suggests Niles put something cold on his hand - and places a can of beer on his open palm.
* In the next scene, Niles runs into Frasier at Cafe Nervosa:
-->'''Niles:''' Hello, Frasier.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, hello, Niles, how are you?\\
'''Niles:''' Fine, fine... ''[sitting down opposite Frasier]'' Although the oddest thing just happened.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that man on the corner's name is Pete. If you give him a dollar, his monkey won't make those rude gestures.

[[AC:715: Out with Dad]]
* As the episode opens, it seems all five main characters are dateless on Valentine's Day; Roz and Daphne are planning to spend the evening watching sad movies at Frasier's apartment, while Frasier and Niles have tickets to see ''Theatre/{{Rigoletto}}'' as Mel is out of town at a conference. However, as Niles arrives, it seems there's been a change of plan, which Frasier doesn't appreciate, leading to a hilarious exchange of insults:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[entering Frasier's apartment on the phone]'' I can't wait either! I, I, I'll see you in twenty minutes, valentine! ''[makes kissing noise into phone, then hangs up]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[aghast]'' That had better be the seat duster in our opera box!\\
'''Niles:''' No, it was Mel! At the last minute, she decided to skip her conference!\\
'''Frasier:''' So!... I'll be going to the opera by myself.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[pretending the idea has just occurred to him]'' Oh! Well, here's a thought! If you give Mel your opera ticket, then you won't have to be alone! You can stay here and, and watch fun movies with Roz and Daphne! ''[looks at the VHS case in Roz' hand]'' Ooh!... ''Film/DyingYoung''! It's a... classic!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[incensed]'' I am surprised by your gall. At the last moment, you... you not only ''bail'' on me, you expect me to give up my own ticket!?\\
'''Niles:''' Please, Frasier, put yourself in my shoes. I ''have'' to do something for Mel. Every restaurant in town's been booked for weeks. I ran into Archie Wilfong today. He told me he had to settle for two seats at the counter at The Salad Experience! What would you suggest I do?\\
'''Frasier:''' Bring your own wine and order the Spicy Caesar!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[shoots Frasier a DeathGlare as he storms to the door]'' May your opera box be full of cellophane crinklers and the stage swarming with standbys!\\
'''Frasier:''' GET OUT! ''[Niles slams the door behind him]''
* Deciding to make his move on Emily Browning, a fellow operagoer, Frasier recruits Martin to accompany him, but Martin inadvertently attracts the eye of Emily's mother, Helen, and, wanting to spare her feelings, confirms her guess that his lack of interest is because he is gay. Emily agrees to go back to Frasier's apartment with him, but Martin's lie comes back to bite him when Emily and Helen agree that Emily's uncle, Edward, would be a perfect match for Martin, and he accompanies Emily back to Frasier's. Frasier learns of Martin's lie from Emily and confronts him over it, but is unable to explain that Edward has been brought as a prospective match for him before he agrees to "gay it up" a little. It all builds up to the following hilarious exchange:
-->'''Edward:''' ''[off Martin's claim that he stoked Frasier's interest in art and "upholstery"]'' Were you in the arts?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, well, actually, Ed-\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[deciding to cut Martin off before he spins a lie he cannot rein in]'' Dad was a cop.\\
'''Edward:''' Really? ''[grins]'' The, er... ''uniform'' and everything?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[smiles back, missing the innuendo]'' Yeah, in fact, uh, that's what happened to my hip. I took a, uh, bullet trying to break up a robbery. Yeah, I called for backup, but it never showed up.\\
'''Emily:''' ''[sighing with indignation on Martin's behalf]'' Because you were gay.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[taking Emily's hand]'' Don't think I didn't wonder about that. ''[Frasier rolls his eyes]'' Yes, that was the day I came out. I was lying in that alley, covered with blood, bullet in my hip, and I said, "That's it, I'm gay, I like myself, and I'm not living a lie anymore!" ''[Frasier rolls his eyes again]''\\
'''Edward:''' I had exactly the same experience when I came out! ''[puts his hand on Martin's knee; Martin does a DoubleTake, his eyes nearly coming out of their sockets. He hides his shock for Edward and Emily, but shoots Frasier a horrified look; Frasier smiles triumphantly]'' Not ''exactly'', perhaps. Yours was a bullet in the hip. For me, it was a Lufthansa steward named Gunter.
* Martin asks Frasier to accompany him to the kitchen to confront him over the setup, but Frasier refuses to come clean in the interest of preserving his date with Emily and to make Martin squirm after he lied to Helen. They emerge from the kitchen to find Edward and Emily talking to Daphne, who is no stranger to being set up with gay men herself (cf. "The Matchmaker"):
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[exiting the kitchen with Martin]'' Daphne!\\
'''Edward:''' We've just been chatting with your delightful physical therapist, Marty!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[indicating Edward]'' Oh, he's a charmer, this one! Now aren't you glad you went to the opera? I keep telling him he should get out more, meet people. Most nights he just sits here, alone, watching the telly.\\
'''Emily:''' ''[also indicating Edward]'' He's the exact same way. He'll watch anything!\\
'''Daphne:''' With him it's mostly sport. Just give him a bunch of sweaty men chasing each other around a field and he-\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[quickly]'' Daphne! ''[grabs her arm and pushes her toward the kitchen]'' Where are we keeping the Camembert these days?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[startled]'' Same place we always do!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sotto voce]'' Get in there!\\
'''Emily:''' You were smart to hire a woman for physical therapy. Much safer than a man. Edward sprained his leg last year.\\
'''Edward:''' All right, Emily.\\
'''Emily:''' I ''never'' trusted that man.\\
'''Edward:''' All right, Emily!\\
'''Emily:''' Why you loaned him your boat-\\
'''Edward:''' ''All right, Emily! [he smiles at Martin and shrugs helplessly]''\\
''[from the kitchen, we hear Daphne splitting her sides laughing; Frasier emerges a few seconds later, covering by laughing as though he and Daphne have just shared a joke]''
* To Martin's increasing alarm, he and Edward end up getting on so well that Edward asks him if he's free for dinner, and he tries another face-saving lie by pretending he is already dating someone. Enter his unwitting boyfriend...
-->'''Edward:''' Marty, you don't have to spare my feelings.\\
'''Martin:''' No, no, really, it's true!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[opens Frasier's front door]'' Hello.\\
'''Martin:''' Darling!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[so confused he cannot move or speak for a few seconds]'' ... sorry, am I interrupting something?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[grinning ear to ear]'' Not a thing, honey, just... take off your coat and stay a while!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[even more confused]'' Okay. ''[hangs up his coat]'' Uh, I, uh, felt bad about that little squabble earlier, so, uh... I thought I'd drop off this little peace offering. ''[picks up a bottle of wine]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[laughs]'' As if I could stay mad at you! ''[puts his arm around Niles]'' Uh, Edward, uh, this is my boyfriend, Niles. ''[Niles is dumbfounded]'' Niles, uh, this is Edward, we met at the opera tonight.\\
'''Edward:''' ''[shaking Niles' outstretched hand]'' Delighted.\\
'''Niles:''' Hello.\\
'''Edward:''' You needn't look so startled, I assure you there's nothing funny going on!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[clearly thinking otherwise, but for different reasons]'' Oh, good.
* With Frasier's date having taken a promising turn moments before, Frasier tells Niles that he has only one option: he must dump Martin. He does so in the funniest way imaginable:
-->'''Frasier:''' So, Niles! You actually, uh, missed a, a splendid evening at the opera.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, maybe I can catch it this weekend with Mel.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[feigning playful jealousy]'' Oh, and who's Mel?\\
'''Niles: DAMN''' you and your jealous questions, you don't OWN me! ''[storms off in a huff, sharing a look with Frasier before grabbing his coat and heading to the door]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[stunned]'' Niles, I was only asking!\\
'''Niles:''' You're ALWAYS asking! Badgering! ''Spying'' on me! Well, I won't be ''suffocated'' anymore! I'm ''tired'' of being your trophy boy! It's '''over!''' You hear me!? '''''Over!''' [sniffs haughtily]'' And I'm ''keeping'' the jewellery. ''[sweeps off, slamming the door behind him]''

[[AC:720: To Thine Old Self Be True]]
* Frasier giving a stripper pointers on showmanship. He ends up handcuffed to her after insisting she use the prop handcuffs for her policewoman costume - and inevitably discovers she doesn't have the key. Even better is Martin's initial reaction when the attempt to cut the chain fails and Frasier says there's only one method left:
-->'''Martin:''' ''[panicking]'' Well, I gotta warn you, I'm not as good a shot as I used to be... we're gonna have to go out on the balcony- ''I need a cup of coffee to steady my nerves!''\\
'''Frasier:''' DAD!... I meant ''go to a locksmith''.
* When Daphne happens upon the stripper, Frasier (trying to keep Daphne from finding out he's hiring a stripper for Donny's bachelor party) claims she really is a policewoman named Officer Nasty, and Daphne ''believes'' it. When she finds out the truth, she gasps, "Officer Nasty!" in horror.

[[AC:721: The Three faces of Frasier]]
* Frasier finally gets a caricature on the wall of Stefano's, the upscale Italian restaurant at which he has been a regular customer since childhood. However, he is unamused to see that the caricature sports a ForeheadOfDoom, and as he, Martin, and Daphne return home, he vents his frustration:
-->'''Martin:''' Fras', will you let it go, it's a perfectly nice picture!\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh?... so, nothing jumped out at you as, I don't know, ''encephalitic!?''\\
'''Martin:''' So they gave you a big forehead, who cares? It makes you look smart!\\
'''Frasier:''' It makes me look like I discovered ''fire!''\\
''[later, after Niles (who bowed out of going to Stefano's after a childhood vomit incident) has arrived and asked what the surprise was]''\\
'''Daphne:''' They put his picture on the wall and he thinks his forehead looks a touch too big.\\
'''Frasier:''' A ''touch?!'' I look like a fugitive from Easter Island!

[[AC:722: Dark Side of the Moon]]
* The climax. As the other characters are captivated and horrified by the four-car pile-up caused by Daphne's [[RantInducingSlight Slight-Induced Rant]], [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone including Daphne herself]], a miffed, cold-ridden and ''completely'' oblivious Frasier walks by to provide some much-needed MoodWhiplash:
-->''[as Daphne opens the door to an irate Elliott Bay resident with a basket of dirty, wet laundry]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' ''[acidly]'' I know what you did. Someone saw you leave the laundry room. You threw all my wet clothes all over the floor!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[reaching not so much breaking point as shattering-into-powder point]'' Ohhh. I'm ''sorry''. I didn't realise they were still wet. ''[grabs the laundry basket]'' HERE! Let me help! ''[runs over to the fireplace]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' What are you doing?!\\
'''Daphne:''' Oooh! That's nice and hot! ''[starts throwing items of clothing into the fire]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' Stop it!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[as Martin, Donny, and Donny's parents look on in horror]'' What, not fast enough for you!? Here! ''[runs to the balcony and opens the door]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' ''STOP IT!!''\\
'''Daphne:''' Maybe if we AIR-DRIED them! ''[runs outside and upends the basket over the edge as the neighbour continues to shout her protests]'' THERRRRRE! ''[hurls the basket to the balcony floor]'' That should do it! '''''YA HAPPY NOW?!'''''\\
''[HONK] [CRASH] [CRASH] [beep beep beep] [CRASH] [CRASH] [Donny's parents are appalled, Donny looks mortified, Martin {{Face Palm}}s, and Daphne herself visibly realises she has gone ''much'' too far. Even Simon and his three barfly friends are shocked. Enter the one person in the apartment who has no idea what has just happened...]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[marching to the kitchen]'' [[WhileRomeBurns FINE! I guess I'll just have to make my OWN]] '''[[LargeHam teeeeeeaaaa!]]'''
* The episode's final scene likewise ends on a comical note of MoodWhiplash; Dr. [=McCaskill=], the therapist Daphne is seeing by court order, has asked her why she was wearing her favourite dress to her bridal shower if it was a surprise, forcing her to acknowledge that the real reason she went to Niles' apartment dressed in her best is because she thought he was finally going to tell her he loved her - and she was fully prepared to reciprocate. Her mind positively brimming with questions, she asks Dr. [=McCaskill=] what it means and what she should do, and gets a singularly unhelpful answer:
-->'''Dr. [=McCaskill=]:''' I'm sorry, but our time is up.

[[AC:723: Something Borrowed, Someone Blue, Part 1]]
* As the episode opens, Roz drops off a gift for Daphne, reasoning that she can't get married without something borrowed. Niles can't resist a dig at Roz' expense:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[opening the box]'' Oh! What a beautiful garter! ''[takes it out of the box and admires it]'' Look at all of the lovely detail.\\
'''Niles:''' [[ReallyGetsAround I especially like the little odometer.]] ''[Roz gives him a dirty look and backhands him in the stomach; Frasier smirks at Niles behind Roz and mouths "That's good!"]''
* Roz unwittingly sets herself up to be snarked at by Niles again minutes later when she begs Daphne not to seat her next to her ex-boyfriend Tim at the wedding reception (which is difficult as Tim is now dating Daphne's bridesmaid Annie):
-->'''Roz:''' ''[sighs, frustrated]'' This always happens to me. Is there no place I can go without running into some guy I dated?\\
'''Niles:''' I was reading about a Trappist monastery in the Amazon that they somehow built into the treetops.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[gives Niles another dirty look]'' Shut up, ya big doily.

[[folder:Season 8]]
[[AC:812: The Show Must Go Off]]
* Want to see a magnificent actor [[LargeHam ham it]] UpToEleven? Watch Sir Creator/DerekJacobi on the stage in this episode. Or even better, the end of [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YClxN6uENbg this scene]].

[[AC:814: Hungry Heart]]
* Due to anxiety issues leading to overeating (and because actress Jane Leeves was pregnant) Daphne has become very fat, a story arc that culminates in this episode. She falls over and hurts her ankle and it takes the three Crane men (Frasier, Niles and Martin) to lift her off the floor. Martin's innocent delivery of the following line, clearly believing Daphne will find it amusing (she doesn't), is icing on the cake.
--> '''Martin:''' Hey Daphne, I just realized something! It took three Cranes to lift you!

[[AC:816: Docu.Drama]]
* "I have got to show her once and for all that I am not some meddler and she is only being paranoid! [[HypocriticalHumor Now I'll be in my room, plotting some way to prove it.]]"
* John Glenn in the recording studio, while Roz and Frasier are having a discussion. The [[SelectiveObliviousness Selectively Oblivious]] astronaut-turned-senator goes on a spiel about his days in the space program...giving an increasingly strong implication that he and the other astronauts were told to cover up some of the things they saw up there....

[[AC:819: Daphne Returns]]
* Roz tells Frasier that she is planning to write a children's book based on a story her mother told her when she was younger and that she is now using to entertain Alice (unaware that [[Literature/{{Heidi}} the story has already been published]]). Frasier recalls that he and Niles wrote children's detective stories with themselves as young sleuths when they were younger, "along the lines of a ''[[Literature/TheHardyBoys Hardy Boys]]'' or a ''Literature/NancyDrew''..."
-->'''Roz:''' "The Nancy Boys"?
* After Niles realizes that he's been idealising Daphne too much for too long and needs to come to terms with the fact that she's flawed and human rather than put her on a pedestal, he decides to confront her insecurities head-on and demonstrate to her that he is willing to do this. Unfortunately, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6t9R4GBejo he decides to do this by insulting her cooking, much to her annoyance, which leads to an argument where certain other truths are revealed:]]
-->'''Niles:''' Then I don't know what you want! I can't read minds, you know! And by the way, neither can you.\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[Offended]'' Are you saying I'm not psychic?!\\
'''Niles:''' Not if you thought I loved your cooking!
* Daphne tops everything with this line when Niles thinks they're going to have make-up sex.
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(icily grinning)'' Well, at least we know who's ''not'' psychic.

[[AC:824: Cranes Go Caribbean]]
* It seems the weekend getaway to Belize that ultimately turns into a Crane family vacation has an especially powerful effect on Niles - to Frasier's disgust:
-->'''Niles:''' Frasier, this vacation is going to do you good! ''[pats Frasier's leg]'' This place is completely freeing. Would you believe that today I dabbled in public nnn''nudity''? ''[Frasier looks uneasy]'' Daphne and I found a secluded cove on the beach. We shed our garments and surrendered ourselves to the sand, the sea, and one rather curious grouper! ''[grins]''\\
'''Frasier:''' [[TooMuchInformation Don't you have a diary!?]]
* At dinner, Martin gleefully tells a worried Daphne and Niles that the skipper of his fishing boat has a telephoto lens and posts pictures of nude beachgoers in the bait shop under "Catch of the Day" - unaware that his fellow diners have apparently become that day's "catch". In TheStinger, Niles smuggles the picture out of the bait shop in his shirt and shows it to Daphne; the gradual shift in their expressions from shock to self-satisfaction (before they flee the fishing boat skipper, who runs after them with a hammer when he discovers the photo missing) is hilarious.

[[folder:Season 9]]
[[AC:903: The First Temptation of Daphne]]
* In the B plot, a particularly noisy cricket invades Frasier's apartment. Martin insists that Eddie, as a terrier, is a born hunter, and sics him on the cricket. Eddie immediately begins chasing his own tail.
* Time passes, and Frasier is unable to sleep through the cricket's chirping, leaving him a nervous wreck.
-->''[the cricket chirps; Frasier frantically slaps the kitchen counter with a fly swatter, but to no avail]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[slumps, defeated]'' Damn it!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[entering and getting a beer from the fridge]'' Geez, you still at it? Why don't you go to your room, you won't even hear the thing if you close your door!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[wild-eyed]'' Close my door!?... And just ''concede'' defeat, I know, here's a better idea, I'll just move out and let him have the run of the place! That's good, I'll have two apartments, one for me, one for my cricket! ''[Martin gives him a "Stop being ridiculous" look; Frasier calms down]'' I ''tried'' closing my door, and I could still hear it. ''[the cricket chirps again; Frasier jolts, despair in his voice]'' Dear god, can't you make him ''shut up''!?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[heading into the living room]'' That prayer doesn't get answered around here.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[shoots Martin a DeathGlare, then follows him and points the fly swatter at him]'' THIS IS YOOOUR FAULT! ''You're'' the one who brought him here!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[sitting in his chair]'' What's the big deal?! If you were paying a ton of money to stay in some country inn, you'd be loving the sound of crickets!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, well, I love a babbling brook, too, but that doesn't mean I want one '''surrrging''' through my condo! ''[throws the fly swatter onto the dining table and heads for the phone]'' I'm calling an exterminator.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[horrified]'' No, you can't do that, the chemicals are too dangerous for Eddie!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[stops in his tracks]'' All right, fine, you have ''twenty-four hours'' to get that ''intruder'' out of here, or I'm calling, Eddie or no Eddie! ''[the cricket chirps again; Frasier slowly turns toward the kitchen, a tortured look in his eye]'' It ''taunts'' me.
* Frasier and Martin finally catch the cricket with the aid of a gecko on a dental floss leash, but the two Cranes, high on the thrill of the hunt, reason that crickets only chirp to attract mates, so there must be a second cricket in the apartment, and they must release the gecko again. In TheStinger, as Frasier and Martin compete to see who can stuff the most marshmallows in their mouths at once (a CallBack to the episode's first scene, in which Martin revealed that Duke can fit 27 marshmallows in his mouth), the camera pans to the end of the dental floss leash to reveal that Eddie has eaten the gecko.

[[AC:906: Room Full of Heroes]]
* The kids in the building are terrified of Frasier, because Martin told them that "Old Man Crane" eats brains. It becomes a RunningGag throughout the episode, and the end of the episode features Frasier appearing to [[ItMakesSenseInContext pull Niles' scalp off]].

[[AC:912: Mother Load, Part 1]]
* Frasier tries to get Daphne's mother and brother out of the apartment by praising the wonders of America with an inspirational speech (while in a feud with the apartment above):
-->'''Frasier:''' "This land is rich with snow-covered mountains, sun-kissed beaches, wild, untamed rivers and a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States -- this ''America''!" (''[[FlagDrop enormous American flag]] unrolls over the windows directly behind him'')\\
'''Niles:''' How did you do that?

[[AC:915: The Proposal]]
* There's an absolutely hysterical FunnyBackgroundEvent at the end of the episode. Daphne has just accepted Niles' proposal after Frasier has surreptitiously ushered out the musicians, waiters and angels who he and Niles had hired to make it memorable. A man with a trumpet walks out of the bedroom upstairs, about to play a fanfare as Daphne and Niles embrace... And Frasier tackles him back into the room.

[[AC:916: Wheels of Fortune]]
* This part is pretty self-explanatory:
-->'''Blaine''': Now now, he has every right to be up here. He ''is'' one of God's creatures.\\
'''Frasier''' ''(defensively)'': '''I am no such thing!'''

[[AC:918: War of the Words]]
* Niles' encouragement for Freddie at the end: [[SeriousBusiness "SPELL HIS ASS OFF!!!"]] The entire episode plays up "The Bee" for maximum melodrama as though it's a Samurai Code or something. Especially the "legend" of Niles Crane.

[[AC:919: Deathtrap]]
* Frasier and Niles stumble upon a disembodied skull. [[LargeHam Their dramatic reactions are definitely something to behold]]--and the camera work brings it UpToEleven. The funniest part is that the audience already knows it's a fake skull from a previous scene in {{Flashback}} showing young Frasier and Niles talking about getting it for their play, then losing it.
-->'''Niles:''' So...perhaps the poor fellow...met his end in some--some sort of...violent ''accident''!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Violent'', yes... ''(looks up at Niles)''...but an accident...?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(MAJOR pull to close-up; long pause; eyes bulge)'' MURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDER!!!\\

[[AC:920: The Love You Fake]]
* During Frasier's feud with Cam Winston, one of his victories is getting Cam restricted from parking his SUV in the parking garage by arguing it pollutes.
-->'''Cam:''' Oh, get off your high horse. You do your fair share of polluting with that [[CompensatingForSomething substitute for masculinity]] you're driving. \\
'''Frasier:''' If mine's a substitute for masculinity then what is yours? \\
'''Cam:''' Bigger.

[[AC:921: Cheerful Goodbyes]]
* Phil (played by Phil Perlman, Rhea's father) stands up to offer a toast.
-->'''Phil:''' I just wanna thank you Cliff, for all the great times we had at Cheers.\\
'''Cliff:''' You were always there for me, Al.\\
'''Phil:''' I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch![[note]] A reference to Al Rosen, who played a barfly in the early series of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' before his death in 1990 - fourteen years, indeed, before this episode was recorded.[[/note]]
* Carla's [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech epic put down]] of Cliff, in which she vents about the last 20 years of knowing him.
-->'''Carla:''' I sure do. Cliffy, I know that things haven't always been that great between us over the years, but being here tonight, makes me think about the effect that you've had on my life. I'd like to say that I'll miss you... I'd like to say that I'll miss you...\\
'''Frasier:''' It's okay, Carla.\\
'''Carla:''' I'd like to say that I'll miss you... but it sticks in my throat like your '''''rotten deviled eggs'''''! ''(increasingly loud and angry)'' I hate your guts! The way you talk and talk and talk about nothing! The way you walk, your stupid white socks...\\
'''Frasier:''' Carla!\\
'''Carla:''' ''(to Frasier)'' '''''Back off, I'm toasting!''''' ''(to Cliff)'' The twenty years I've known you would have been less painful if I was covered with open sores and thrown into a pit with, with a bunch of diseased rats. But finally, you're leaving! I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I can live again. ''I can live again! '''Finally, I can live! I can live!'''''
* And even funnier: Cliff then decides that he can't leave friends who can joke around like that.
-->'''Carla''': I wasn't joking! I really hate you! No! No! No!

[[AC:922: Frasier Has Spokane]]
* The KQZY station manager tries to distract the press during a disastrous press conference announcing Frasier's replacing of a Spokane radio legend.
-->'''Herm Evans''': [[WeNeedADistraction Hey, what's this over here?]] Free liquor?!?

[[AC:924: Moons Over Seattle]]
* It seems Martin's job as a security guard has hit a bump in the road:
-->'''Frasier''': Hey Dad, how was work?\\
'''Martin''': Oh, great. I finally busted that guy who was writing "Seymour Butz" on the sign-out sheets.\\
'''Frasier''': So who was it?\\
'''Martin''': Senior Vice-President Butz. I'm on probation for a week.
* Frasier tries to clear the air after sleeping with Roz.
-->'''Frasier:''' I seem to recall the word 'stallion-like'!\\
'''Roz:''' I never said stallion.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, ''one'' of us did!

[[folder:Season 10]]
[[AC:1001: The Ring Cycle]]
* As the episode opens, Niles and Daphne have eloped to a casino chapel in Reno. As Niles is looking over the selection of rings (having accidentally left the ones they planned to use back in Seattle), Daphne's mobile rings; it's Roz, whose building is on the news ("some murder/suicide thing"). Roz tells Daphne to turn on the television so she can see her waving, so Daphne has to explain that she isn't in Seattle because she's marrying Niles in Reno. Cue the two of them {{Squee}}ing ecstatically while Niles' credit card is run by the wedding officiant:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[signing his credit card receipt]'' Apparently it's some sort of dolphin emergency.
* When Niles and Daphne are holding a fake wedding after they eloped, Roz has the unfortunate task of driving Daphne's mother. Fortunately, she gets taken down. By Alice Doyle of all people.
-->'''Gertrude:''' In my day we never drove so recklessly, and do you know why?\\
'''Alice:''' (''completely sincerely'') Is it because you used to ride dinosaurs?\\
(''everyone stares at Alice in shock'')\\
'''Gertrude:''' (''to Roz'') You should talk to your daughter. (''walks off'')\\
'''Roz:''' (''to Alice, beaming'') When we get home you're getting ice cream.
* The group's hilariously awkward behavior when they spot Donny at the courthouse, from Frasier's panicked order for everyone to ''look at their shoes'' to his excuse for everyone but Daphne and Niles to leave the conversation.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[excitedly]'' Say, is that a drinking fountain over there!?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[just as excitedly]'' It sure looks like one! ''[he, Frasier, Roz, and Gertrude race toward said drinking fountain]''

[[AC:1002: Enemy at the Gate]]
* After a mishap concerning getting out of paying for a parking garage he didn't use, Frasier rushes back to KACL in time to finish his show. Unfortunately, Roz, in her attempts to fill in for him, unintentionally told everyone that she slept with Frasier. When asked about what happened during "the incident", an unknowing Frasier describes the ''parking garage'' incident instead.
-->'''Frasier:''' Well, it certainly wasn't my finest hour. I got in, realized I made a mistake and then tried like hell to get out. There was a lot of shouting and then a line started to form behind me. You'd be surprised how long 20 minutes can be when you're watching the clock. Fortunately, my brother was there to serve as moral support, and, let's face it, someone to talk to. At least, in the end, I got out of there without paying the four dollars.
-->'''Roz:''' ''(silently puts her head to the table in embarrassment)''

[[AC:1005: Tales from the Crypt]]
* The rehearsal for the "zombie" prank (especially Martin's sarcastic acting)--and the grand finale.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(To one of the "zombie" actors)'' I ''am'' getting "dead" from you.... I am not getting "undead".

[[AC:1006: Star Mitzvah]]
* This exchange showing off how fandoms can cross lines.
-->'''Frasier:''' Noel, ''Franchise/StarTrek'' is just a TV show.\\
'''Noel:''' ''(retorting)'' So was ''Literature/BridesheadRevisited''!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''([[TranquilFury through gritted teeth]])'' You're angry, so I'm going to ignore that.
* Frasier asks Noel Shempski to translate his blessing for Freddie's bar mitzvah into Hebrew, and promises to get Scott Bakula's autograph in return. When he fails to do so, Noel gets revenge by [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGZV6fsotYo translating the blessing into Klingon instead.]] Bonus points for the nerdy kid translating it to invoke "it sounds better InTheOriginalKlingon" trope verbatim.
* As part of the celebration, Martin digs out an old camera. Frasier and Niles hate it because it's loud, clunky, and the flash is blinding. Martin enjoys torturing the boys with the camera flash, but has only one problem with it:
-->'''Martin:''' Hasn't failed me yet! Oh, well except for that one Thanksgiving when the flash washed Lilith out so bad all you could see were her hair and eyes.\\
'''Frasier:''' That wasn't the camera's fault, Dad. That bloodless skin has confounded even the most experienced photographer.
* Later, Martin has the camera set up on a tripod, while Daphne learns for the first time of Niles' drunken one-night stand with Lilith as seen in "Room Service" and asks if there are any other ex-girlfriends he hasn't told her about. To Niles' horror and Daphne's outrage, Frasier carelessly mentions another woman that he claims he "wouldn't count", and as the conversation turns ever more awkward, he casually makes his way over to the camera, trips it, and uses the distraction by the flash to make his escape. The loudest one to cry out from the flash? ''Martin''.
* Frasier apologizes to Noel by sending him Joan Collins' wig from "[[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever The City on the Edge of Forever]]". Noel has a {{Nerdgasm}}, but Roz doesn't get it, saying, "A ''wig''? That's cruel, even for Frasier!"
* In TheStinger, we see the pictures from Martin's camera, post-development. The first few are re-creations of the pictures Martin (and Frasier) took over the course of the episode, but the last two are of Frasier lunging toward the camera, berserk with fury.

[[AC:1010: We Two Kings]]
* When Niles and Frasier are arguing over where to have Christmas:
-->'''Frasier:''' But I've had new stockings loomed, and there see, you made me spoil the surprise! And did no one hear me say that I have ordered an ''[[LargeHam Hungarian goose]]''?!\\
'''Niles:''' Which you are more than welcome to bring over to our place.\\
'''Frasier:''' It's not my date - it's dinner!
* Later in the episode:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(to Niles)'' [[UsefulNotes/NicolausCopernicus Copernicus]] called - you are not the center of the universe!

[[AC:1012: The Harassed]]
* Gil has a great bit, an epic HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday moment.
-->'''Gil:''' From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for my wandering eye over the years. Those whom I mentally undressed, and... you know who you are...\\
''(A male and female co-worker look at each other confusedly)''\\
'''Gil:''' ...all I can say and it's a poor defense is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my time.\\
'''Van Andrews:''' ''(running the harassment seminar)'' Thank you, Gil.\\
'''Gil:''' But know this, Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.\\
'''Van:''' Ah, Thank you, Gil. I think they like to be called women now.\\
'''Gil:''' Ha. Do they ever.

[[AC:1013: Lilith Needs a Favor]]
* The title refers to Lilith wanting Frasier to "donate" so they can have another child. When Lilith arrives earlier than expected, Martin immediately proves his comment to Frasier that he can't come up with a good excuse on the fly by coming up with a classic INeedToGoIronMyDog excuse just to get away from her:
-->'''Martin:''' I have to go... practice... my signature.
* While Frasier reflects on the situation, Martin absently goes off on a tangent about how Lilith has "seen what the Crane genes can do"...[[ComicallyMissingThePoint which leads to him speculating that if Frasier turns Lilith down, she'll go to Niles]]--who would in turn her down...[[InsaneTrollLogic which would lead to...]]
-->'''Martin:''' She'll go straight to the ''source''...! ''([[OhCrap Look of horror]])'' ...''Me''...! The ''fountainhead''...!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(Long pause)'' [[FlatWhat What?]]
* Martin ''then'' goes on a tangent about the complications in family dynamics ''that'' would cause:
-->'''Martin:''' Can you imagine? Lilith's and my kid would be brother to you and Niles '''''and''''' Freddie... And if you and Lilith got back together, you'd be his step-father '''''and''''' his brother and Niles would be your son '''and ''his own uncle!''''' It's almost worth doing just so that I can tell the story!
* The prolonged sequence when Frasier is [[ADateWithRosiePalms in the private room in the sperm clinic]]--and Lilith keeps knocking on the door to give him ''pointers''--leading to an epic--
-->'''Frasier:''' IF THERE IS ''ONE THING'' THAT I CAN DO '''BY MYSELF'''...!

[[AC:1014: Daphne Does Dinner]]
* Daphne, now a member of the Crane family, shows she's really a member by throwing a dinner party. You can see where we're going here...
** The episode opens as yet another Frasier-and-Niles-hosted dinner party reaches a messy, premature, and hilarious end. As Daphne sits at the dining table with her chin in her hand and an "I knew this would happen" expression on her face, the guests storm out ''en masse'', one female guest slaps Frasier and says she bets he doesn't even have Tourette's Syndrome ([[HollywoodTourettes he tries shouting a few PG-rated oaths]] after her, to no avail), Niles stamps out another guest's toupee after it was ignited by flaming kabobs (Niles' own idea), the enraged caterer hands Frasier two lobsters and tells him to lose his phone number, and Martin appears from the bedroom wearing a sash and speaking Italian until his sons tell him he no longer needs to pretend to be "the Count". The rotten cherry on the melted sundae is a goat - one of several, apparently - throwing up in the kitchen.
** Daphne tells Niles that his track record for throwing parties with Frasier is a disaster, so Niles excludes a very indignant Frasier from the preparation process. The party is intended to celebrate a painting by artist Mike Shaw (who has been invited but declined) that Niles is donating to an art gallery. However, as Roz prepares to leave after helping set things up, she and Daphne discover that Roz' daughter Alice has written her name in crayon on the Shaw painting, and Daphne sends Roz and the painting to an art restorer while replacing the painting with one of Alice's drawings and covering it with a cloth. She then has to spend the rest of the evening defending it from one guest's attempts to get a peek.
--->'''Daphne:''' You've got two choices: you can either walk away from the painting, or you can limp away from the painting.
** While she is distracted, the Cornish hens in the oven catch fire, and the caterers have closed for the day, necessitating an emergency call to Frasier...
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[hanging up the phone]'' As usual, Frasier has to save the day.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[not looking up from scratching the back of Eddie's neck]'' As usual, Martin has to hear about it.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[taking a pan of Cornish hens out of the oven and pulling a sheet of foil off a roll]'' Suit up, boys! We're goin' in!
** The argument between Frasier and Niles means that Frasier's presence in the kitchen must be kept secret from Niles (resulting in Daphne physically ejecting Niles from the kitchen as the evening wears on); meanwhile, an unenthusiastic Shaw arrives, having been persuaded to attend after all by his gallery, but only meets a couple of guests before joining Daphne's mother to watch a pay-per-view boxing match upstairs. Said guests have to leave early and describe Shaw to Niles as a plain-spoken older man dressed in a plaid shirt and using a cane, a description Niles notices matches Martin - who has just arrived with a set of ramekins at Frasier's request. Unaware of Shaw's presence, Niles assumes that Martin has been mistaken for the artist and tries to usher him out, but the other guests begin engaging him in conversation, and soon he is launching himself enthusiastically into the role by verbally tearing into every piece of art Niles owns, with the guests hanging on his every word. (As the real Shaw didn't want to attend due to his contempt for pretentious "art connoisseurs", he likely would have done something similar...)
** Frasier's presence and the painting's absence finally collide when Niles, who has known Frasier was in the kitchen for a while, struggles with him and ends up getting coated in his signature Cornish hen sauce. Martin grabs the nearest cloth so that Niles can clean himself off... and it's the cloth covering Alice's crayon drawing. Daphne almost smooths things over... until the fact that she ordered the installers of Niles' new chandelier to stay on and end up performing a rush job comes back to bite her, as the chandelier brings down the whole living room ceiling - and her mother's bed, with Mike Shaw and Mrs. Moon snuggling under a pile of coats.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[putting his arm around Daphne]'' Daphne, congratulations. You're now officially a Crane. ''[Daphne bursts into tears]''
** In TheStinger, Niles walks into the still ruined living room on his way to work and shouts up through the hole in the ceiling for his briefcase.

[[AC:1015: Trophy Girlfriend]]
* Frasier dating a gym teacher is pure comedy gold, especially after he visits her class and she turns into [[Creator/BobHoskins his old gym teacher from school]]. Cue a LOT of {{Squick}} until Frasier manages to work it out....

[[AC:1016: Fraternal Schwinns]]
* Frasier and Niles pretending to know about bikes.
-->'''Niles:''' Call me crazy but I ''like'' a bouncy tire.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Two'' bouncy tires, and a ''taut'' chain. ...That's good ridin'.

[[AC:1018: Roe to Perdition]]
* The B plot has a hilarious example of ForInconveniencePressOne. After getting $60 from an ATM instead of the $20 he wanted to get, Martin is persuaded by Daphne to call the bank's toll-free customer service line. Inevitably, he struggles with the voice-activated menu, and Frasier's attempts to help do just the opposite...
-->'''Martin:''' ''[into phone, angrily]'' PER-SON-AL!\\
'''Niles:''' What'cha doing, Dad?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, this stupid bank's automated voice system. It's, it's like a maze!\\
'''Frasier:''' All right, give it here. ''[taking the phone from Martin]'' You just push 0, and you'll get an operator. ''[presses the 0 button]'' Little trick I learned. ''[listens]'' Another menu. Hm. Sometimes it's a star. ''[presses the star button; listens]'' All right, maybe 1 will get me back to a main menu. ''[presses the 1 button; listens]'' Ah. Here you go. ''[hands Martin the phone]''\\
'''Martin:''' Got me to the right department?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, but if I remember my high school Spanish correctly, you just qualified for a small business loan. ''[Martin throws his arms up in frustration]''
* So Martin and Daphne go to the bank in person to straighten things out, but the tellers think ''they'' owe ''Martin'' $40, and the branch manager to whom he needs to speak to give back the now $80 the bank has given him erroneously is out of town. The manager who tells him this does offer an alternative, and picks up the phone and dials...
-->'''Manager:''' ''[listens, then enunciates]'' Per-son-al. ''[Martin sinks into a chair in despair]''
* To Martin's shock, he gets a postcard several days letter revealing that the bank has misunderstood his request ''again'' and credited him another $80, so he goes back. Daphne has parked the car in a loading zone after dropping Martin off, but Martin, having already received one parking ticket on his visits to the bank, tells her to pull around to the front, saying he shouldn't be long, and Eddie might be panicking. A security guard overhears this conversation, and when Martin advances to the desk and testily orders the teller to listen to him and do exactly what he says before reaching into his jacket, the security guard jumps to what seems like the obvious conclusion and draws a gun on him. Cut to later, and the bank president tells Martin that they are offering him $10,000 not to press charges, plus the $40 from the original mistake. Martin gives up trying to clear up the misunderstanding and accepts the settlement.
-->'''Bank President:''' That's wonderful. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?\\
'''Daphne:''' Could I open an account?

[[AC:1020: Farewell, Nervosa]]
* '''Frasier:''' "I'm hashing over an ethical dilemma, so I think I could use some black coffee."
* The entire conversation about coffee sizes that follows from this, with Frasier converting between the various coffee shops to find the right size comparable to Cafe Nervosa's.

[[AC:1021: The Devil and Dr. Phil]]
* Bebe is trying to get Frasier back...and back into ''bed''. Niles has ''the'' most perfect remark on this--ever:
-->'''Niles:''' I have it: Bebe wants to have sex with a human male to bring about the Apocalypse.
* The [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaK-R-VaYnY&t=5m2s scene in Bebe's hotel room]].

[[folder:Season 11]]
[[AC:1101: No Sex Please, We're Skittish]]
* Niles and Daphne avert the LawOfInverseFertility. It started with her mistaking a pregnancy test for an ovulation test, then they put two and two together...
-->'''Niles:''' But, my slow sperm...\\
'''Daphne:''' I must have fast eggs.

[[AC:1102: A Man, a Plan and a Gal: Julia]]
* Having decided that he suffers from a case of MinorFlawMajorBreakup when it comes to his girlfriends and trying to break the pattern, Frasier tries desperately to pretend that he's perfectly happy with his unpleasant, rude new girlfriend Julia Wilcox. The pretence gets gradually more and more strained:
-->'''Frasier:''' Isn't this fun? [[BlatantLies I'm having a good time.]]\\
'''Daphne:''' She certainly takes a lot of calls at dinnertime.\\
'''Frasier:''' You know, that's exactly the kind of...flaw that the old Frasier would have...seized upon as a pretext to end the relationship, but I-I know now that... that impulse to run is-is really an indication that my feelings for her are just deepening, and um... gone are the days when I would have said something like... ''[despite his best efforts, his real feelings begin to break through:]'' '''''"How rude!"''''' ... or '''''"She's horrible. I've made a ghastly, ghastly mistake!"''''' ''[Forced smile returns]''
* Later, Julia is playing Pictionary with the Cranes and Daphne. Frasier makes a bad drawing, which causes Julia to make snide comments on all of them before choking on something. When Frasier finally notices, he excuses her to the bathroom. The following conversation ensues...
--> '''Frasier:''' You can't understand the kind of feelings Julia and I have for each other! You may as well ask me to describe the essence of music, or the... the color of starlight!\\
[Julia emerges from the bathroom.]\\
'''Julia:''' Nice towels, Frasier. You'd think a couple of old ladies lived here.\\
'''Frasier:''' [[TranquilFury Get out!]]\\
'''Julia:''' [disbelieving] Excuse me?\\
'''Frasier:''' [[SuddenlyShouting I said "get out"!]]\\
'''Julia:''' I'm sorry; have you lost your mind!?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, that happened earlier when we ''slept together''!\\
'''Julia:''' Are you breaking up with me!?\\
'''Frasier:''' You're damn right I am!\\
'''Julia:''' I want my purse!\\
'''Frasier:''' And I... ''my handtowel!''

[[AC:1103: The Doctor is Out]]
* Niles chooses the worst possible moment to shout above the music in a gay bar:
-->'''Niles:''' (''to Frasier, just as the loud music cuts out'') [[SevenMinuteLull WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE ME HOME!?]]
* When the techno blares out in full force, Frasier starts ''bobbing to the beat''.
* Creator/PatrickStewart as Alistair giving a nice twist on the {{Gaydar}} trope--in that his character is ''himself'' gay. His reaction to Niles being married to Daphne:
-->'''Alistair''': ''No''.
--> '''Niles''': Oh, we're expecting!
--> '''Alistair''': Can't say ''I'' was...!
* Frasier keeps insisting that Alistair thinks that he knows Frasier isn't gay and is just being a good friend. Niles snarks back the perfect line:
-->'''Niles:''' He thinks ''I'm'' gay and I'm ''standing next to my pregnant wife''!
* The jokes about Alistair mistaking Niles for gay get even funnier if you know that David Hyde Pierce ''is'', in fact, gay.
* Then you have Alistair inviting Frasier to a party and to watch an opera rehearsal. Niles has stood up and is pining to be taken, too.
-->'''Frasier:''' I would love that. Let me just grab my coffee. Good-bye, Dad. ''(mocking)'' Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''(jealous)'' Did you ''see'' that? I would ''kill'' to go to that party. ''(pouts)'' I was at that gay bar too, you know.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(annoyed)'' Let's see: one of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. [[SarcasmMode Yep, life is good.]]
* Daphne says she fantasizes about being a buddy of Peter O'Toole. When everyone is invited to Alistair's party:
-->'''Daphne:''' Will Creator/PeterOToole be there?\\
'''Alistair:''' [[NoodleIncident No - and he knows why!]]
* Frasier and Alistair are tangoing, very closely, as Frasier tries to "break up" with him.
-->'''Alistair:''' I want to thank you for waiting.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(nervous)'' Oh no, the waiting was good, I enjoyed the waiting.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(hungrily)'' Oh, me ''too''! How it sharpens the appetite. ''(holds Frasier closer)'' How it builds! The intensity, the heat, the desire! Can you feel it?!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(horrified)'' [[RagingStiffie Oh yes, there it is!]]
* Followed by this:
-->'''Glinka:''' Don't they make a stunning couple?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(barely bursting from laughing)'' I'm more stunned by them each day.
* The episode ends on Frasier "breaking up" with Alistair, with this corker of an exchange.
-->'''Alistair:''' Would you mind staying tonight until my other guests have gone? I'd hate my friends to think I've been jilted.\\
'''Frasier:''' Of course.\\
'''Alistair:''' It won't be very late. Around about 3:00 it's down to the core crowd, and we'll all relax and unwind.\\
'''Servant:''' It's after midnight, sir. Shall I fire up the hot tub?\\
'''Alistair:''' Absolutely.\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm afraid I don't have a bathing suit.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(smiling)'' Then you'll fit right in.\\
''(Frasier's smile freezes as the implications dawn on him.)''

[[AC:1107: Maris Returns]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pI8dJFW4kaA#t=3m20s This scene]] from Frasier's return to private practice.

[[AC:1108: Murder Most Maris]]
* Frasier (in a horrified-sounding voice) milking the fact that he was "recently--PUNCHED in the face...''by a man now dead''!" to distract from an argument is pretty funny. The fact that it ''works'' is even funnier. That he does it ''twice more'' through the episode and it works ''every single time''? Crowning Moment.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGGRNR4RTio The last straw.]]
--> '''Frasier:''' Niles, look at yourself.
--> ''(Niles glances down at his naked self.)''
--> '''Niles:''' Hello! ''(to Frasier)'' I think I'm having that dream where I'm naked at Nervosa!
--> '''Frasier:''' I think a lot of people are having that dream.

[[AC:1111: High Holidays]]
* Niles thinks he's high on a pot brownie (which was actually eaten by Martin instead) and is looking forward to the munchies. His idea of the munchies is pairing a Chilean seabass with an aggressive zinfandel.

[[AC:1112: Frasier-Lite]]
* Frasier has trouble keeping his weight loss team on point:
-->'''Frasier''': Good team, good friends. ''(realizing his weight loss team is going to the birthday party to get cake)'' Good God! People, please, it's not worth it! It's sheet cake!
* Later, just before the final weigh-in:
-->'''Noel''': I see giant steaks with legs.\\
'''Bulldog''': You're hallucinating. ''[[DopeSlap (slaps Noel)]]'' Just pull it together.\\
'''Kenny''': Uh, no, he's right. It's the Beef Council dancers, they're on after us.\\
''(Noel slaps Bulldog right back)''

[[AC:1114: Freudian Sleep]]
* The way Martin allayed the other three characters' tension about their nightmares:
-->'''Martin:''' Blah blah blah. ''(To Daphne)'' Afraid you're going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone. ''(To Frasier)'' Afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family. ''(To Niles)'' Afraid you're going to be a bad father? [[SelfDeprecation Join the club]]. Now clam it up and go to sleep.\\
'''Niles:''' [[HypocriticalHumor I'm starting to regret inviting him up here]].
* Martin and Eddie's dreams in the episode. Of course, since Martin sang a rather catchy tune in his dream, this is equal parts Funny Moment and SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic.

[[AC:1115: Caught in the Act]]
* This exchange:
-->'''Roz:''' ''(on Frasier's brief marriage with Nanny G at a children's book store)'' [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre So, uh, Nanny Gee gave you nice "hugs"?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, ''big'' hugs.\\
'''Roz:''' No kidding.\\
'''Frasier:''' We used to hug our brains out. In fact, you know, the last time we saw each other she wanted to have a little reunion hug, but alas, I was still married to Lilith and settling for my weekly handshake.
* Then:
-->'''Frasier:''' If truth be told, it's been a while since I ''(covers Alice's ears)'' romped with abandon through the perfumed gardens of Eros.\\
'''Roz:''' ''(rolling eyes)'' Next time you say something like that, cover ''my'' ears.
* A great line of RealitySubtext:
-->'''Nanny G:''' But nothing ever changes! Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for ''twenty years''?
* This exchange when Frasier and Nannette start making out wildly.
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(aside)'' Isn't she the children's entertainer?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(aside)'' Yeah. Spongebob Hotpants.
* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abAvfLw8ROo final scene]] was so hilarious the studio audience reportedly had to be ''muted''.

[[AC:1116: Boo!]]
* The moment when Frasier - tired of being the butt of Martin's practical jokes - retaliates by pretending to leave the apartment, dressing in a clown outfit, hiding in the bathroom and then leaping out with a meat cleaver in hand when Martin passes by...causing Martin to promptly collapse with a heart attack and have to be rushed to hospital. Followed by meeting the screaming coulrophobic patient who was the inspiration for the outfit.

[[AC:1117: Coots and Ladders]]
* The DramaticThunder sounding off at moments so ''perfect'', Frasier and Niles pull double-takes. And the dramatizations of Niles's conjectures of exactly ''what'' Frasier's beating himself up about.

[[AC:1122: Crock Tales]]
* In the 2002 vignette, we get this gem of PurpleProse even by Niles' standards:
-->'''Niles''': Last night, Daphne and I engaged in sweet carnal delights.\\
''(because of the way he pronounced it, though, Martin just has to ask)''\\
'''Martin''': Did you say "carnal" or "caramel"?
* Niles is so distracted by his euphoria over the consummation (several times over, apparently) of his relationship with Daphne that he has forgotten to bring Roz a birthday present, and hastily wraps the earthenware crock that features in each of this episode's vignettes. Frasier's "Yes, I know, don't say anything" gesture to Martin as Roz unwraps the gift is priceless.
-->'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' It's a crock. With a chipped lid, ''[lifts lid]'' and a dead bee. Thank you, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[not really listening owing to the "come hither" look Daphne has been giving him]'' Glad you like it.
* The exchange by Daphne and Roz about Niles' prowess:
-->'''Daphne:''' ...and just when I thought I'd worn him out, he flips me over like a griddle cake, and off we go again!\\
'''Roz:''' Niles?!\\
'''Daphne:''' I couldn't catch me breath, it was like a marathon! I tell you, he's spoilt me for any other man.\\
'''Roz:''' ''(absolutely gobsmacked)'' ''Frasier's brother'' Niles?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''(giggling)'' And guess how he woke me up this morning?
** Later, Niles and Daphne decide to run to her bedroom:
--->'''Niles:''' We'll be back very [[FreudianSlip quickie]].\\
'''Daphne:''' Quickly!\\
'''Niles:''' Quickly.
** Leading to this reaction:
--->'''Martin:''' You don't think they're gonna...?\\
'''Frasier:''' [[TooMuchInformation Oh, I have no idea.]] [[BrainBleach Try not to think about it.]]\\
''(at that moment, the Cinco de Mayo fireworks explode over the skyline)''\\
'''Roz:''' Wow, he really ''is'' good.
* The 1999 vignette opens with Frasier in costume as Uncle Sam for the KACL 4th of July parade float, telling Martin to wear the remote headphones he bought him so that he doesn't have to hear the baseball games Martin watches. Martin insists that Frasier deliver this instruction in character...
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[handing Martin the headphones]'' Dad, I bought you these headphones so that I wouldn't be subjected to your sports dribble! Please put them on!\\
'''Martin:''' All right, I will. But only if you say it.\\
''[Frasier is halfway to the kitchen; his shoulders sag in dismay, but he decides that if this is what it takes...]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[turns and [[UncleSamWantsYou points to Martin]] in imitation of the famous UsefulNotes/WorldWarI [[https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1d/Unclesamwantyou.jpg recruitment poster]]]'' I WANT '''YOU'''... to wear those headphones! ''[Martin laughs]''
* Daphne, dressed in clashing polyester for an "ugly American" party with her English friends, and Niles, asking if "Uncle Sam" didn't just hand him a mattress sale flier, are about to leave with Frasier when he notices the bunting on his balcony is askew, but as they go out to fix it, the door handle comes off in Daphne's hand, locking them outside. Martin can't hear them through his headphones, while when Roz arrives (in costume as Betsy Ross), she goes straight out onto the balcony to watch a Blue Angels fly-by and gets locked out as well. Neither Roz nor Frasier have their phones, so Niles begins digging in his blazer pockets. Just as he finds his phone, Daphne exclaims that the heat is too much and starts stripping off; as this vignette takes place while Niles was still pining for Daphne, he immediately replaces his phone in his pocket.
* In the 1996 vignette, set when Niles and Maris were still married, we get a vintage joke about her neurotic nature:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[entering from the corridor to Frasier's bedroom in a huff]'' Well. I finally got Maris calmed down. ''[picks up a glass of champagne from the bookshelf]'' I ''hope'' you're happy!\\
'''Frasier:''' All I said was, "Maris, why the long face?"\\
'''Niles:''' Yes - and now she's on the phone to her chin grinder in Zurich.
* Roz' arrival heralds both an explanation of how the crock entered Frasier's life and a nod to the Roz-Niles snark of the series' early years:
-->'''Martin:''' Hey, you hungry, Roz? There's cheese here! ''[lifts the lid off the crock]'' Oh... nobody opened it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Dear God, Dad, that's... ''three years'' old, throw it out!\\
'''Martin:''' No, it'll be fine! You sure you don't want any? ''[reads the label on the underside]'' The label says it's "famously spreadable"!\\
'''Niles:''' Funny, Roz, doesn't your label say the same thing?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[smiling thinly]'' What does yours say, Niles - "May cause drowsiness"!?

* When ''Franchise/StarTrek'' celebrated its 30th anniversary in 1996, Creator/{{UPN}} aired ''Star Trek: 30 Years and Beyond'' to mark it. Part of it was a skit that showed Daphne, Niles, Martin and Roz (and, eventually, Eddie) as the ''Voyager'' bridge crew under the command of a ''very'' flustered Janeway - obviously, Frasier himself was absent because he had already been Captain Morgan Bateson over on ''TNG''. But even despite that, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qxD2eoh-W4 the sight is surreal and a barrelful of laughs]], with nods to most of the recurring sources of humour from the early series of ''Frasier'':
** The tone for the sketch is set by Janeway's log entry over an establishing shot of the ''Voyager'', noting that the ship and her crew are untested, but that she is sure they will eventually grow to work together efficiently and co-operatively... which is cut off by Martin saying "Are we gonna fly this thing or are you just gonna yak, yak, yak?" Fade up on the bridge; Martin, naturally, is sitting in his Barcalounger, drinking a can of Ballantine.
** Roz tells Janeway that Starfleet have ordered them to rendezvous with the ''Enterprise'' at Starbase 15; the captain orders the helm to set a course, but inevitably, Martin thinks he knows a short cut. Niles, who is apparently as fussy about his wardrobe as a Starfleet officer as he is as a psychiatrist, isn't so keen on the idea:
--->'''Niles:''' Ohhh no, we're not taking another one of your short cuts, the last one, we followed your advice, [[ShortCutsMakeLongDelays we went through a tear in the time-space continuum and wound up in ancient Pompeii.]]\\
'''Martin:''' Well, we escaped, didn't we?\\
'''Niles:''' Yes, and my brand new Romulan loafers were singed beyond recognition!
** Daphne interrupts to announce that there is an unidentified ship "approaching at ''bloody hell'' she's really moving!" Janeway orders Roz to hail the approaching ship, but Roz, who now ReallyGetsAround outer space rather than just Seattle, is too busy talking to a friend who is setting her up on a date with an Aldebarian - and confirms that Aldebarians are "the ones with four tongues".
--->'''Niles:''' Sounds like this Aldebarian is about to boldly go where so many men have gone before.\\
'''Roz:''' I heard that!
** Unfortunately, the transmission from the approaching vessel cannot get through. Martin, true to form, [[LuddWasRight blames it on overcomplicated modern technology]]; Janeway thinks he's letting his NostalgiaFilter cloud his judgement:
--->'''Martin:''' Well, that's the trouble with these modern starships. In my day, you had a simple communication system. Didn't have all these fancy flashing lights and dials, but it ''worked''.\\
'''Janeway:''' I know, I know. You just launched a tin can at the other ship and then pulled back until the string was taut.\\
'''Martin:''' But it ''worked''.
** Niles admits that the transmission problem is because when the ''Voyager'' was last in port, he had the technicians install a banality filter to block any messages that are "overly insipid or jejune". Janeway asks him to disengage the filter, but Niles doesn't know how - "[[HopelessWithTech I can't even get my phaser to stop flashing 12:00,]]" he explains sheepishly. Then Daphne offers a solution that takes a turn familiar to regular ''Frasier'' viewers:
--->'''Daphne:''' ''[raises her hand]'' Excuse me, Captain... members of my species are a bit telepathic. Perhaps I can use me powers to communicate with the alien vessel!\\
'''Janeway:''' Lieutenant. You're not from another planet. You're from England, aren't you?\\
'''Daphne:''' Shh! Quiet. I'm getting something. ''[Janeway and Niles lean in with interest]'' It's coming through strong now... they want to attack! No, no, no, no, it's not an attack, it's... it's more of a desire to embrace. No. Hold on... ''[shocked]'' Captain! I believe they want to breed with us! ''[Niles starts to look uncomfortable]'' Wait a minute... ''[turns toward Niles]'' This isn't coming from out there, it's coming from in-\\
'''Niles:''' ''[quickly]'' Well that was fun, wasn't it.
** Martin suggests firing a photon torpedo at the other ship, and when Janeway points out they might be a friendly ship, Martin says that's even better, as "they won't shoot back." Then Daphne says she's getting an energy source from a transporter beam - the ''Voyager'' is being boarded! Janeway goes to red alert, but Roz quickly shuts off the siren as it aggravates her HangoverSensitivity. The boarding party includes a fifth cast member of ''Frasier'':
--->'''Niles:''' Captain, I'm not sure I'm reading this instrument panel correctly, but either we have a malfunction in our left turn signal or there's an armed Klingon on board the turbolift!\\
''[the bridge door opens to reveal a Klingon with a weapon in one hand... and Eddie in the other]''\\
'''Janeway:''' Shall we assume it's the latter?\\
'''Klingon:''' ''[walks over to Martin]'' Does this belong to you?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[delighted]'' Hey, be careful with the dog! C'mere, boy... ''[takes Eddie from the Klingon and begins petting him]''\\
'''Klingon:''' We found him on the Klingon homeworld. He was digging up azalea bushes. ''And we've just re-landscaped!''\\
'''Martin:''' Whoo, sorry about that. ''[hands over a Federation credit]'' Will this take care of it?\\
'''Klingon:''' Well... yes. But next time it's intergalactic war! I vow we will destroy every molecule of the Federation!\\
'''Janeway:''' ''[nods]'' That seems reasonable.
** Janeway notes that incidents like this are why pets are not allowed on the ship.[[note]] A lesson even the ''Star Trek'' writers didn't take to heart when the plot thread of a Starfleet officer's pet dog causing a diplomatic incident by damaging local plant life re-surfaced in the much-derided ''Enterprise'' episode "A Night in Sickbay".[[/note]] Martin protests, saying that Roz was allowed a pet - a big hairy creature with horns and three eyes; Roz counters that said creature was a date, not a pet. Martin then insists that Eddie would never have escaped if "''someone'' hadn't left the shuttle bay door open," but Daphne refuses to take the blame... so Janeway, realising this crew will never function as a unit, responds the best way she knows how:
--->'''Janeway:''' Computer! Engage self-destruct sequence.\\
'''Niles, Roz, Daphne, Martin:''' What?\\
'''Computer:''' Self-destruct sequence engaged.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[stands up huffily and dusts down his chair with his handkerchief]'' Well, if ''that'' isn't acting out, I don't know what is...\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[to Martin]'' This is all your fault!...\\
''[Janeway just sits there with a self-satisfied smile as Daphne, Martin, Niles, and Roz get into a four-way argument with each other]''