History Funny / Frasier

17th Apr '17 11:57:45 PM RevenantWings
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Added DiffLines:

* In a season 10 episode, Martin digs out an old camera. Frasier and Niles hate it because it's loud, clunky, and the flash is blinding. Martin enjoys torturing the boys with the camera flash, but has only one problem with it:
-->'''Martin:''' Hasn't failed me yet! Oh, well except for that one Thanksgiving when the flash washed Lilith out so bad all you could see were her hair and eyes.
-->'''Frasier:''' That wasn't the camera's fault, Dad. That bloodless skin has confounded even the most experienced photographer.
** Later, Martin has the camera set up on a tripod. During a conversation that Frasier turns particularly awkward, he casually makes his way over to the camera, trips it, and uses the distraction by the flash to make his escape. The loudest one to cry out from the flash? ''Martin''.
7th Apr '17 6:53:42 PM MovieNut14
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--->'''Daphne:'' How'd you get the stuff through customs?\\

to:

--->'''Daphne:'' --->'''Daphne:''' How'd you get the stuff through customs?\\
6th Apr '17 6:16:10 PM burinnu
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'''Niles:''' Oh, my God. Frasier's set his newsstand on fire.\\

to:

'''Niles:''' Oh, my God. [[ItMakesSenseInContext Frasier's set his newsstand on fire.\\]]\\
6th Apr '17 5:11:29 PM burinnu
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* The whole last third of "The Innkeepers" (TheOneWhere Frasier and Niles buy a restaurant). It becomes a perfect storm of pratfalls, squabbling, and humiliation. The minute details they mull over in the second third are [[RewatchBonus even better after watching the whole episode]]. Their snobbish reaction when they realized they thought of the perfect name: ''Les Deux Frères.''

to:

* The whole last third of "The Innkeepers" (TheOneWhere Frasier and Niles buy a restaurant). It becomes a perfect storm of pratfalls, squabbling, and humiliation. The minute details they mull over in the second third are [[RewatchBonus even better after watching the whole episode]]. Their snobbish reaction when they realized they thought of the perfect name: ''Les Deux Frères.Frères Heureux.''
5th Apr '17 5:47:27 PM MovieNut14
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* In one episode, one of Frasier's call-in patients puts him on the trail of a possible affair between Maris and her fencing instructor, Gunter. One can't-keep-his-mouth-shut moment later, Niles is leaping to conclusions and challenging the man to a duel. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PP5wZBGMA4 Here's the entire scene]].

to:

* In one episode, "An Affair to Forget", one of Frasier's call-in patients puts him on the trail of a possible affair between Maris and her fencing instructor, Gunter. One can't-keep-his-mouth-shut moment later, Niles is leaping to conclusions and challenging the man to a duel. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PP5wZBGMA4 Here's the entire scene]].



*** While Roz laces up her leather bustier, this is doctor Frasier Crane, KACL, all talk, all night, all naked!

to:

*** While Roz laces up her leather bustier, this is doctor Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL, all talk, all night, all naked!



* Niles' guided tour of his new apartment in the Shangri-La, especially the 'master bedroom' and the heavy hints as to what became of its last tenant.

to:

* From "How to Bury a Millionaire", Niles' guided tour of his new apartment in the Shangri-La, especially the 'master bedroom' and the heavy hints as to what became of its last tenant.
5th Apr '17 2:41:02 PM MovieNut14
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-->'''Frasier:''' I don't think this building can be as exclusive as you said. Your doorman just waved me right through.

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' I don't think this building can be as exclusive as you said. Your doorman just waved me right through.\\



'''Niles:''' No. He lives in ''your'' building.\\

to:

'''Niles:''' No. He lives in ''your'' building.\\



-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, look at yourself.
-->''(Niles glances down at his naked self.)''
-->'''Niles:''' Hello! ''(to Frasier)'' I think I'm having that dream where I'm naked at Nervosa!
-->'''Frasier:''' I think a lot of people are having that dream.

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, look at yourself.
-->''(Niles
yourself.\\
''(Niles
glances down at his naked self.)''
-->'''Niles:'''
)''\\
'''Niles:'''
Hello! ''(to Frasier)'' I think I'm having that dream where I'm naked at Nervosa!
-->'''Frasier:'''
Nervosa!\\
'''Frasier:'''
I think a lot of people are having that dream.



-->'''Frasier:''' In other words, '''''WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT SEX?''''' Sex, sex, ''sex sex sex sex sex''!

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' --->'''Frasier:''' In other words, '''''WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT SEX?''''' Sex, sex, ''sex sex sex sex sex''!



-->'''Roz:''' While Dr. Crane strips, our new station manager would like to know if you prefer to be the spanker or the spankee?
-->'''Caller:''' Oh, definitely the spanker.
-->'''Frasier:''' Well, then hop in a cab! I'm not wearing any pants! [swings them above his head as Roz whoops]

to:

-->'''Roz:''' ---->'''Roz:''' While Dr. Crane strips, our new station manager would like to know if you prefer to be the spanker or the spankee?
-->'''Caller:'''
spankee?\\
'''Caller:'''
Oh, definitely the spanker.
-->'''Frasier:'''
spanker.\\
'''Frasier:'''
Well, then hop in a cab! I'm not wearing any pants! [swings them above his head as Roz whoops]



-->'''Daphne:''' Join me in my bedchamber, my lord?
-->'''Frasier:''' After you, my juicy wench!
-->'''Niles:''' "''My juicy wench''"?! ''(into phone)'' No, no, not you, Maris! Wait, wait! ''(to Frasier)'' I hope you're happy, she's run for her water pills!

to:

-->'''Daphne:''' Join me in my bedchamber, my lord?
-->'''Frasier:'''
lord?\\
'''Frasier:'''
After you, my juicy wench!
-->'''Niles:'''
wench!\\
'''Niles:'''
"''My juicy wench''"?! ''(into phone)'' No, no, not you, Maris! Wait, wait! ''(to Frasier)'' I hope you're happy, she's run for her water pills!



-->'''Niles:''' I'm warning you, Frasier, I have made a fist and I am thinking of using it!
-->'''Frasier:''' You are not scaring me--the thumb goes on the outside, Niles!

to:

-->'''Niles:''' I'm warning you, Frasier, I have made a fist and I am thinking of using it!
-->'''Frasier:'''
it!\\
'''Frasier:'''
You are not scaring me--the thumb goes on the outside, Niles!



-->''*throws it out the window*''
-->'''Frasier:''' NOW IT'LL GET ALL THE FRESH AIR IT NEEDS!!!

to:

-->''*throws --->''*throws it out the window*''
-->'''Frasier:'''
window*''\\
'''Frasier:'''
NOW IT'LL GET ALL THE FRESH AIR IT NEEDS!!!



-->"And to all, a good night!"

to:

-->"And --->"And to all, a good night!"



--> '''Herm Evans''': [[WeNeedADistraction Hey, what's this over here?]] Free liquor?!? [[note]]As the KQZY station manager, he was trying to distract the press during a disastrous press conference announcing Frasier's replacing of a Spokane radio legend.[[/note]]

to:

--> '''Herm -->'''Herm Evans''': [[WeNeedADistraction Hey, what's this over here?]] Free liquor?!? [[note]]As the KQZY station manager, he was trying to distract the press during a disastrous press conference announcing Frasier's replacing of a Spokane radio legend.[[/note]]



--> '''Sir Patrick''': ''No''.
--> '''Niles''': Oh, we're expecting!
--> '''Sir Patrick''': Can't say ''I'' was...!

to:

--> '''Sir --->'''Sir Patrick''': ''No''.
-->
''No''.\\
'''Niles''': Oh, we're expecting!
-->
expecting!\\
'''Sir Patrick''': Can't say ''I'' was...!



--->'''Frasier:''' I would love that. Let me just grab my coffee. Good-bye, Dad. ''(mocking)'' Niles.
--->'''Niles:''' ''(jealous)'' Did you ''see'' that? I would ''kill'' to go to that party. ''(pouts)'' I was at that gay bar too, you know.
--->'''Martin:''' ''(annoyed)'' Let's see: one of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. [[SarcasmMode Yep, life is good.]]

to:

--->'''Frasier:''' I would love that. Let me just grab my coffee. Good-bye, Dad. ''(mocking)'' Niles.
--->'''Niles:'''
Niles.\\
'''Niles:'''
''(jealous)'' Did you ''see'' that? I would ''kill'' to go to that party. ''(pouts)'' I was at that gay bar too, you know.
--->'''Martin:'''
know.\\
'''Martin:'''
''(annoyed)'' Let's see: one of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. [[SarcasmMode Yep, life is good.]]



--->'''Daphne:''' Will Creator/PeterOToole be there?
--->'''Alistair:''' [[NoodleIncident No - and he knows why!]]

to:

--->'''Daphne:''' Will Creator/PeterOToole be there?
--->'''Alistair:'''
there?\\
'''Alistair:'''
[[NoodleIncident No - and he knows why!]]



--->'''Alistair:''' I want to thank you for waiting.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''(nervous)'' Oh no, the waiting was good, I enjoyed the waiting.
--->'''Alistair:''' ''(hungrily)'' Oh, me ''too''! How it sharpens the appetite. ''(holds Frasier closer)'' How it builds! The intensity, the heat, the desire! Can you feel it?!
--->'''Frasier:''' ''(horrified)'' [[RagingStiffie Oh yes, there it is!]]

to:

--->'''Alistair:''' I want to thank you for waiting.
--->'''Frasier:'''
waiting.\\
'''Frasier:'''
''(nervous)'' Oh no, the waiting was good, I enjoyed the waiting.
--->'''Alistair:'''
waiting.\\
'''Alistair:'''
''(hungrily)'' Oh, me ''too''! How it sharpens the appetite. ''(holds Frasier closer)'' How it builds! The intensity, the heat, the desire! Can you feel it?!
--->'''Frasier:'''
it?!\\
'''Frasier:'''
''(horrified)'' [[RagingStiffie Oh yes, there it is!]]



--->'''Glinka:''' Don't they make a stunning couple?
--->'''Niles:''' ''(barely bursting from laughing)'' I'm more stunned by them each day.

to:

--->'''Glinka:''' Don't they make a stunning couple?
--->'''Niles:'''
couple?\\
'''Niles:'''
''(barely bursting from laughing)'' I'm more stunned by them each day.



--->'''Alistair:''' Would you mind staying tonight until my other guests have gone? I'd hate my friends to think I've been jilted.
--->'''Frasier:''' Of course.
--->'''Alistair:''' It won't be very late. Around about 3:00 it's down to the core crowd, and we'll all relax and unwind.
--->'''Servant:''' It's after midnight, sir. Shall I fire up the hot tub?
--->'''Alistair:''' Absolutely.
--->'''Frasier:''' I'm afraid I don't have a bathing suit.
--->'''Alistair:''' ''(smiling)'' Then you'll fit right in.
--->''(Frasier's smile freezes as the implications dawn on him.)''

to:

--->'''Alistair:''' Would you mind staying tonight until my other guests have gone? I'd hate my friends to think I've been jilted.
--->'''Frasier:'''
jilted.\\
'''Frasier:'''
Of course.
--->'''Alistair:'''
course.\\
'''Alistair:'''
It won't be very late. Around about 3:00 it's down to the core crowd, and we'll all relax and unwind.
--->'''Servant:'''
unwind.\\
'''Servant:'''
It's after midnight, sir. Shall I fire up the hot tub?
--->'''Alistair:''' Absolutely.
--->'''Frasier:'''
tub?\\
'''Alistair:''' Absolutely.\\
'''Frasier:'''
I'm afraid I don't have a bathing suit.
--->'''Alistair:'''
suit.\\
'''Alistair:'''
''(smiling)'' Then you'll fit right in.
--->''(Frasier's
in.\\
''(Frasier's
smile freezes as the implications dawn on him.)''



''Niles immediately dies by falling over in the training level.''

to:

''Niles ''[Niles immediately dies by falling over in the training level.'']''



-->'''Frasier''': Hey dad how was work?
-->'''Martin''': Oh, great. I finally busted that guy who was writing "Seymour Butz" on the sign-out sheets.
-->'''Frasier''': So who was it?
-->'''Martin''': Senior vice-President Butz. I'm on probation for a week.
* From "Dr. Nora", three words: "'''''[[MyBelovedSmother YOU LITTLE WHORE!!!]]'''''" The StuntCasting makes it even better, since Nora's mother is played by Piper Laurie, a woman rather famous for [[Film/{{Carrie}} slut-shaming her daughter.]]
-->'''Mrs. Mulhearne:''' So, you thought you could get away from me, did you? Thought you could leave me to rot in that dump without [[TheAlcoholic barely enough cash for a bottle of Mateus]]! You'll pay for that, missy!
-->'''Roz:''' ''(jumping for joy)'' I was wrong, Frasier. Your way ''is'' better!

to:

-->'''Frasier''': Hey dad how was work?
-->'''Martin''':
work?\\
'''Martin''':
Oh, great. I finally busted that guy who was writing "Seymour Butz" on the sign-out sheets.
-->'''Frasier''':
sheets.\\
'''Frasier''':
So who was it?
-->'''Martin''':
it?\\
'''Martin''':
Senior vice-President Vice-President Butz. I'm on probation for a week.
* From "Dr. Nora", three words: "'''''[[MyBelovedSmother YOU LITTLE WHORE!!!]]'''''" The StuntCasting makes it even better, since Nora's mother is played by Piper Laurie, a woman rather famous for an actress whose best-known role involves [[Film/{{Carrie}} slut-shaming her daughter.]]
-->'''Mrs. Mulhearne:''' So, you thought you could get away from me, did you? Thought you could leave me to rot in that dump without [[TheAlcoholic barely enough cash for a bottle of Mateus]]! You'll pay for that, missy!
-->'''Roz:'''
missy!\\
'''Roz:'''
''(jumping for joy)'' I was wrong, Frasier. Your way ''is'' better!



-->'''Daphne:''' We're not the horrible people you think we are!
-->'''Frasier:''' Yes! The truth is - we've been lying to you all night!

to:

-->'''Daphne:''' --->'''Daphne:''' We're not the horrible people you think we are!
-->'''Frasier:'''
are!\\
'''Frasier:'''
Yes! The truth is - we've been lying to you all night!



-->'''Niles:''' But, my slow sperm...
-->'''Daphne:''' I must have fast eggs.

to:

-->'''Niles:''' But, my slow sperm...
-->'''Daphne:'''
sperm...\\
'''Daphne:'''
I must have fast eggs.



-->'''Frasier:''' All right. ''(reading)'' "Dr. Niles Crane. Jung specialist. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts". Well thatís just excellent Niles. All youíre missing now is a very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head!
-->'''Niles:''' Sorry I didnít hear you. I was too distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus.

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' All right. ''(reading)'' "Dr. Niles Crane. Jung specialist. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts". Well thatís just excellent Niles. All youíre missing now is a very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head!
-->'''Niles:'''
head!\\
'''Niles:'''
Sorry I didnít hear you. I was too distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus.



--->'''Frasier:''' "Dr. Niles Crane. Hung specialist." ''({{beat}})'' Oh my.
--->'''Niles:''' The rest of it was surprisingly accurate. "Servicing individuals, couples... groups..." ''({{beat}})'' "Satisfaction guaranteed"... ''(looks at Frasier with some consternation)'' "Tell me where it hurts "
--->'''Frasier:''' Any calls?
--->'''Niles:''' It's a telethon.

to:

--->'''Frasier:''' "Dr. Niles Crane. Hung specialist." ''({{beat}})'' Oh my.
--->'''Niles:'''
my.\\
'''Niles:'''
The rest of it was surprisingly accurate. "Servicing individuals, couples... groups..." ''({{beat}})'' "Satisfaction guaranteed"... ''(looks at Frasier with some consternation)'' "Tell me where it hurts "
--->'''Frasier:'''
"\\
'''Frasier:'''
Any calls?
--->'''Niles:'''
calls?\\
'''Niles:'''
It's a telethon.



-->'''Frasier:''' "This land is rich with snow-covered mountains, sun-kissed beaches, wild, untamed rivers and a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States -- this ''America''!" (''[[FlagDrop enormous American flag]]'' ''unrolls over the windows directly behind him'')
-->'''Niles:''' How did you do that?

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' "This land is rich with snow-covered mountains, sun-kissed beaches, wild, untamed rivers and a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States -- this ''America''!" (''[[FlagDrop enormous American flag]]'' ''unrolls over the windows directly behind him'')
-->'''Niles:'''
him'')\\
'''Niles:'''
How did you do that?



--> '''Niles:''' So...perhaps the poor fellow...met his end in some--some sort of...violent ''accident''!
--> '''Frasier:''' ''Violent'', yes... ''(looks up at Niles)''...but an accident...?
--> '''Niles:''' ''(MAJOR pull to close-up; long pause; eyes bulge)'' MURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDER!!!
--> '''Frasier:''' MURDERRRRRRRRRRRRRR MOST '''FOUUUUUUUUUUUUUL'''!!!

to:

--> '''Niles:''' -->'''Niles:''' So...perhaps the poor fellow...met his end in some--some sort of...violent ''accident''!
-->
''accident''!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Violent'', yes... ''(looks up at Niles)''...but an accident...?
-->
?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(MAJOR pull to close-up; long pause; eyes bulge)'' MURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDER!!!
-->
MURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDER!!!\\
'''Frasier:''' MURDERRRRRRRRRRRRRR MOST '''FOUUUUUUUUUUUUUL'''!!!



--> '''Frasier:''' ''(To one of the "zombie" actors)'' I ''am'' getting "dead" from you.... I am not getting "undead".

to:

--> '''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' ''(To one of the "zombie" actors)'' I ''am'' getting "dead" from you.... I am not getting "undead".



-->'''Sam:''' Cliff? ''Cliff''... you? You slept with ''Cliff''? '''''CLIFF?!''''' Oh no, that's it, wedding's ''off''! ''(storms away)'' Cliff - '''''oh, God!'''''
-->'''Sheila:''' Whoa... Frasier, you've got to help me. You've got to talk to him.
-->''(Frasier sits down on the couch, in full HeroicBSOD)''
-->'''Frasier:''' I slept with a woman who slept with Cliff?!

to:

-->'''Sam:''' Cliff? ''Cliff''... you? You slept with ''Cliff''? '''''CLIFF?!''''' Oh no, that's it, wedding's ''off''! ''(storms away)'' Cliff - '''''oh, God!'''''
-->'''Sheila:'''
God!''''' \\
'''Sheila:'''
Whoa... Frasier, you've got to help me. You've got to talk to him.
-->''(Frasier
him.\\
''(Frasier
sits down on the couch, in full HeroicBSOD)''
-->'''Frasier:'''
HeroicBSOD)''\\
'''Frasier:'''
I slept with a woman who slept with Cliff?!



-->'''Niles:''' I could certainly use you... I would know of a position you could... Services you could... A hole that needs...
--> (Niles grabs the cheque)
-->'''Niles:''' This is on me.

to:

-->'''Niles:''' [[ThatCameOutWrong I could certainly use you... I would know of a position you could... Services you could... A hole that needs...
-->
needs...]]\\
(Niles grabs the cheque)
-->'''Niles:'''
cheque)\\
'''Niles:'''
This is on me.



-->'''Noel''': I see giant steaks with legs.
-->'''Bulldog''': You're hallucinating. ''[[DopeSlap (slaps Noel)]]'' Just pull it together.
-->'''Kenny''': Uh, no, he's right. It's the Beef Council dancers, they're on after us.
-->''(Noel slaps Bulldog right back)''

to:

-->'''Noel''': --->'''Noel''': I see giant steaks with legs.
-->'''Bulldog''':
legs.\\
'''Bulldog''':
You're hallucinating. ''[[DopeSlap (slaps Noel)]]'' Just pull it together.
-->'''Kenny''':
together.\\
'''Kenny''':
Uh, no, he's right. It's the Beef Council dancers, they're on after us.
-->''(Noel
us.\\
''(Noel
slaps Bulldog right back)''



--> '''Martin:''' She'll go straight to the ''source''...! ''([[OhCrap Look of horror]])'' ...''Me''...! The ''fountainhead''...!
--> '''Frasier:''' ''(Long pause)'' [[FlatWhat What?]]

to:

--> '''Martin:''' -->'''Martin:''' She'll go straight to the ''source''...! ''([[OhCrap Look of horror]])'' ...''Me''...! The ''fountainhead''...!
-->
!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(Long pause)'' [[FlatWhat What?]]



--> '''Frasier:''' IF THERE IS ''ONE THING'' THAT I CAN DO '''BY MYSELF'''...!

to:

--> '''Frasier:''' --->'''Frasier:''' IF THERE IS ''ONE THING'' THAT I CAN DO '''BY MYSELF'''...!



-->'''Niles:''' Call me crazy but I ''like'' a bouncy tire.
-->'''Fraiser:''' ''Two'' bouncy tires, and a ''taut'' chain. ...That's good ridin'.

to:

-->'''Niles:''' Call me crazy but I ''like'' a bouncy tire.
-->'''Fraiser:'''
tire.\\
'''Fraiser:'''
''Two'' bouncy tires, and a ''taut'' chain. ...That's good ridin'.



--> '''Frasier:''' Even gangs that dance?
--> '''Martin:''' Especially gangs that dance!

to:

--> '''Frasier:''' --->'''Frasier:''' Even gangs that dance?
-->
dance?\\
'''Martin:''' Especially gangs that dance!



--> '''Daphne:'' How'd you get the stuff through Customs?
--> '''Martin,''' ''smugly:'' They never check the prosthetic leg.

to:

--> '''Daphne:'' --->'''Daphne:'' How'd you get the stuff through Customs?
--> '''Martin,''' ''smugly:''
customs?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(smugly)''
They never check the prosthetic leg.



-->'''Niles:''' Please, no explanation necessary. I assume that at the next meeting of Seattle's "Haven't Kissed Roz Club," it will just be me and the archbishop!
-->'''Roz:''' I'll save you the club fees.
-->'''Niles:''' What-?
-->''(Roz [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKB_El6iTco gives Niles]] a BigDamnKiss, then leaves.)''
-->'''Niles:''' ''(shocked yet observant)'' '''''Everyone''''' kisses better than Maris!

to:

-->'''Niles:''' Please, no explanation necessary. I assume that at the next meeting of Seattle's "Haven't Kissed Roz Club," it will just be me and the archbishop!
-->'''Roz:'''
archbishop!\\
'''Roz:'''
I'll save you the club fees.
-->'''Niles:''' What-?
-->''(Roz
fees.\\
'''Niles:''' What-?\\
''(Roz
[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKB_El6iTco gives Niles]] a BigDamnKiss, then leaves.)''
-->'''Niles:'''
)''\\
'''Niles:'''
''(shocked yet observant)'' '''''Everyone''''' kisses better than Maris!



--> '''Bulldog:''' I like the sound of this.
--> '''Frasier:''' ''(Gruff)'' Yeah? So do I! It's unattractive--yet liberating, rather like [[TooMuchInformation the one and only time I wore a European bathing suit...!]]

to:

--> '''Bulldog:''' -->'''Bulldog:''' I like the sound of this.
-->
this.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(Gruff)'' Yeah? So do I! It's unattractive--yet liberating, rather like [[TooMuchInformation the one and only time I wore a European bathing suit...!]]!]]
** Frasier talking "like a guy" doesn't work too well with Niles however.



-->'''Frasier:''' But I've had new stockings loomed, and there see, you made me spoil the surprise! And did no one hear me say that I have ordered an ''[[LargeHam Hungarian goose]]''?!
-->'''Niles:''' Which you are more than welcome to bring over to our place.
-->'''Frasier:''' It's not my date - it's dinner!

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' But I've had new stockings loomed, and there see, you made me spoil the surprise! And did no one hear me say that I have ordered an ''[[LargeHam Hungarian goose]]''?!
-->'''Niles:'''
goose]]''?!\\
'''Niles:'''
Which you are more than welcome to bring over to our place.
-->'''Frasier:'''
place.\\
'''Frasier:'''
It's not my date - it's dinner!



-->'''Gil:''' From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for my wandering eye over the years. Those whom I mentally undressed, and... you know who you are...
-->''(A male and female co-worker look at each other confusedly)''
-->'''Gil:''' ...all I can say and it's a poor defense is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my time.
-->'''Van Andrews:''' ''(running the harassment seminar)'' Thank you Gil.
-->'''Gil:''' But know this, Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.
-->'''Van:''' Ah, Thank you, Gil. I think they like to be called women now.
-->'''Gil:''' Ha. Do they ever.

to:

-->'''Gil:''' From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for my wandering eye over the years. Those whom I mentally undressed, and... you know who you are...
-->''(A
are...\\
''(A
male and female co-worker look at each other confusedly)''
-->'''Gil:''' ...
confusedly)''\\
'''Gil:''' ...
all I can say and it's a poor defense is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my time.
-->'''Van
time.\\
'''Van
Andrews:''' ''(running the harassment seminar)'' Thank you Gil.
-->'''Gil:'''
you, Gil.\\
'''Gil:'''
But know this, Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.
-->'''Van:'''
ladies.\\
'''Van:'''
Ah, Thank you, Gil. I think they like to be called women now.
-->'''Gil:'''
now.\\
'''Gil:'''
Ha. Do they ever.



-->'''Carla:''' I sure do. Cliffy, I know that things haven't always been that great between us over the years, but being here tonight, makes me think about the effect that you've had on my life. I'd like to say that I'll miss you... I'd like to say that I'll miss you...
-->'''Frasier:''' It's okay, Carla.
-->'''Carla:''' I'd like to say that I'll miss you... but it sticks in my throat like your '''''rotten deviled eggs'''''! ''(increasingly loud and angry)'' I hate your guts! The way you talk and talk and talk about nothing! The way you walk, your stupid white socks...
-->'''Frasier:''' Carla!
-->'''Carla:''' ''(to Frasier)'' '''''Back off, I'm toasting!''''' ''(to Cliff)'' The twenty years I've known you would have been less painful if I was covered with open sores and thrown into a pit with, with a bunch of diseased rats. But finally, you're leaving! I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I can live again. ''I can live again! '''Finally, I can live! I can live!'''''

to:

-->'''Carla:''' I sure do. Cliffy, I know that things haven't always been that great between us over the years, but being here tonight, makes me think about the effect that you've had on my life. I'd like to say that I'll miss you... I'd like to say that I'll miss you...
-->'''Frasier:'''
you...\\
'''Frasier:'''
It's okay, Carla.
-->'''Carla:'''
Carla.\\
'''Carla:'''
I'd like to say that I'll miss you... but it sticks in my throat like your '''''rotten deviled eggs'''''! ''(increasingly loud and angry)'' I hate your guts! The way you talk and talk and talk about nothing! The way you walk, your stupid white socks...
-->'''Frasier:''' Carla!
-->'''Carla:'''
socks...\\
'''Frasier:''' Carla!\\
'''Carla:'''
''(to Frasier)'' '''''Back off, I'm toasting!''''' ''(to Cliff)'' The twenty years I've known you would have been less painful if I was covered with open sores and thrown into a pit with, with a bunch of diseased rats. But finally, you're leaving! I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I can live again. ''I can live again! '''Finally, I can live! I can live!'''''



* When ''Franchise/StarTrek'' celebrated it's 30th anniversary in 1996, Creator/{{UPN}} aired ''Star Trek: 30 Years and Beyond'' to mark it. Part of it was a skit that showed Daphne, Niles, Martin and Roz as the ''Voyager'' bridge crew under the command of a ''very'' flustered Janeway - obviously, Frasier himself was absent because he had already been Captain Morgan Bateson over on ''TNG''. But even despite that, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qxD2eoh-W4 the sight is surreal and a barrelful of laughs]].

to:

* When ''Franchise/StarTrek'' celebrated it's its 30th anniversary in 1996, Creator/{{UPN}} aired ''Star Trek: 30 Years and Beyond'' to mark it. Part of it was a skit that showed Daphne, Niles, Martin and Roz as the ''Voyager'' bridge crew under the command of a ''very'' flustered Janeway - obviously, Frasier himself was absent because he had already been Captain Morgan Bateson over on ''TNG''. But even despite that, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qxD2eoh-W4 the sight is surreal and a barrelful of laughs]].



--> '''Niles:''' I have it: Bebe wants to have sex with a human male to bring about the Apocalypse.

to:

--> '''Niles:''' -->'''Niles:''' I have it: Bebe wants to have sex with a human male to bring about the Apocalypse.



''[Frasier opens the door to find Donnie on the phone]]''\\

to:

''[Frasier opens the door to find Donnie on the phone]]''\\phone]''\\



--->'''Daphne:''' This is comfy, although it's a little on the soft side, and I prefer- [[SomethingElseAlsoRises ...hello!... oh, oh!... ooh, this is enough to make me give up me search for a meaningful relationship!]]
--->''(someone approaches)''
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh, oh, quick! That's dad! Get out, get out, get out!!
--->'''Daphne:''' ''(clearly annoyed)'' Oh, alright! Just like a man: now you've had your fun, you don't care where I am!

to:

--->'''Daphne:''' This is comfy, although it's a little on the soft side, and I prefer- [[SomethingElseAlsoRises ...hello!... oh, oh!... ooh, this is enough to make me give up me search for a meaningful relationship!]]
--->''(someone approaches)''
--->'''Frasier:'''
relationship!]]\\
''(someone approaches)''\\
'''Frasier:'''
Oh, oh, quick! That's dad! Get out, get out, get out!!
--->'''Daphne:'''
out!!\\
'''Daphne:'''
''(clearly annoyed)'' Oh, alright! Just like a man: now you've had your fun, you don't care where I am!



--->'''Niles:''' I never knew a chair could be this satisfying! ...I never knew that ''anything'' could! ...I want it!
--->'''Frasier:''' Right, Niles. I'm sure it would fit in with all of Maris' eighteenth-century antiques.
--->'''Niles:''' Well, I'll just rent it an apartment and visit it on the side!

to:

--->'''Niles:''' I never knew a chair could be this satisfying! ...I never knew that ''anything'' could! ...I want it!
--->'''Frasier:'''
it!\\
'''Frasier:'''
Right, Niles. I'm sure it would fit in with all of Maris' eighteenth-century antiques.
--->'''Niles:'''
antiques.\\
'''Niles:'''
Well, I'll just rent it an apartment and visit it on the side!
5th Apr '17 2:20:00 PM MovieNut14
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* Five Words: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3zWP3Mrbqs The "hot and foamy" scene]].
-->'''Niles:''' ''(covered in foam)'' I'm fine. ''({{beat}})'' I'm just a little hot. And foamy.\\
'''Martin:''' [[CaptainObvious My Hot 'N Foamy must have exploded!]]\\

to:

* Five Words: From "Are You Being Served?", five words: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3zWP3Mrbqs The the "hot and foamy" scene]].
-->'''Niles:''' -->'''Daphne:''' Dr. Crane, are you all right?\\
'''Niles:'''
''(covered in foam)'' I'm fine. ''({{beat}})'' I'm just a little hot. And foamy.\\
'''Martin:''' You know what must've happened? [[CaptainObvious My Hot 'N Foamy must have exploded!]]\\



-->'''Frasier:''' Oh? Remember when Maris wore that pillbox hat to the Duchamps' wedding?
-->''(takes a small flowerpot and puts it on the dog's head. Niles '''faints''' from the realization)''

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' --->'''Frasier:''' Oh? Remember when Maris wore that pillbox hat to the Duchamps' wedding?
-->''(takes
wedding?\\
''(takes
a small flowerpot and puts it on the dog's head. Niles '''faints''' from the realization)''



--> '''Martin''' ''(into the camera)'': My name is Martin Crane. When I made this tape, I was sixty-four years old. But ''now''...''(bulging eyes)'' '''I'm ''dead''...!'''
--> ''([[DisapprovingLook Niles slumps]])''
--> '''Martin''': ''Trapped'' in a ''box'', underground...! Pretty ''scary'', huh...?! ''(EvilLaugh)''
--> '''Niles''': ''(Stops recording)'' Dad, surely you must have ''some'' message you want to leave for the Cranes of the twenty-first century--?!
--> '''Martin''': Alright, alright, I do.... ''(To camera, as Niles resumes)'' Remember to always work hard...and that family comes first. ''(Play-squirms, sighs)'' And...I have a million ''bucks''...in unmarked bills...that I took off a drug dealer, that I have stashed in my old army foot locker. The combination is Left 15...Right 32...Le--
--> ''({{Beat}}, starts "choking"...and collapses in his chair.)''
--> '''Niles''' ''(focusing the camera on himself):'' Future generations... see what I had to put up with?

to:

--> '''Martin''' ''(into the camera)'': My name is Martin Crane. When I made this tape, I was sixty-four years old. But ''now''...''(bulging eyes)'' '''I'm ''dead''...!'''
-->
!'''\\
''([[DisapprovingLook Niles slumps]])''
-->
slumps]])''\\
'''Martin''': ''Trapped'' in a ''box'', underground...! Pretty ''scary'', huh...?! ''(EvilLaugh)''
-->
''(EvilLaugh)''\\
'''Niles''': ''(Stops recording)'' Dad, surely you must have ''some'' message you want to leave for the Cranes of the twenty-first century--?!
-->
century--?!\\
'''Martin''': Alright, alright, I do.... ''(To camera, as Niles resumes)'' Remember to always work hard...and that family comes first. ''(Play-squirms, sighs)'' And...I have a million ''bucks''...in unmarked bills...that I took off a drug dealer, that I have stashed in my old army foot locker. The combination is Left 15...Right 32...Le--
-->
Le--\\
''({{Beat}}, starts "choking"...and collapses in his chair.)''
-->
)''\\
'''Niles''' ''(focusing the camera on himself):'' Future generations... see what I had to put up with?



-->'''Frasier:''' ''(crying)'' I made...''our father '''cry!'''''
-->'''Martin:''' ''(crying)'' [[BlatantLies I'm not CRYING!]]
-->'''Frasier:''' Well, ''I am! I'm the most--ungrateful son there is!''
-->''' Martin:''' ''I can never do anything for my sons!''
-->'''Niles:''' ''({{beat}}, then bawls)'' ''[[{{Wangst}} No one wants to come TO MY PARTY!!!]]''

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' ''(crying)'' I made...''our father '''cry!'''''
-->'''Martin:'''
'''cry!'''''\\
'''Martin:'''
''(crying)'' [[BlatantLies I'm not CRYING!]]
-->'''Frasier:'''
CRYING!]]\\
'''Frasier:'''
Well, ''I am! I'm the most--ungrateful son there is!''
-->'''
is!''\\
'''
Martin:''' ''I can never do anything for my sons!''
-->'''Niles:'''
sons!''\\
'''Niles:'''
''({{beat}}, then bawls)'' ''[[{{Wangst}} No one wants to come TO MY PARTY!!!]]''



--> '''Cockatoo:''' AWK! Stuff it, Niles.
--> '''Niles:''' ''Ohhhhh'' don't tempt me.

to:

--> '''Cockatoo:''' -->'''Cockatoo:''' AWK! Stuff it, Niles.
-->
Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''Ohhhhh'' don't tempt me.



-->'''Frasier:''' Why, ''yes,'' Miss Thorndyke, it appears to be ''(cues organ music, but calliope music comes out instead)'' ''the ice cream truck!'' But never mind that ''(everybody starts dumping papers from the script)''

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' --->'''Frasier:''' Why, ''yes,'' Miss Thorndyke, it appears to be ''(cues organ music, but calliope music comes out instead)'' ''the ice cream truck!'' But never mind that ''(everybody starts dumping papers from the script)''



--->'''Daphne:''' I already know the plot but I'll try not to blurt out the name of the murderer.
--->'''Martin:''' Great, as a cop I hated it when people did that.

to:

--->'''Daphne:''' I already know the plot but I'll try not to blurt out the name of the murderer.
--->'''Martin:'''
murderer.\\
'''Martin:'''
Great, as a cop I hated it when people did that. that.



--->'''Daphne:''' This is turning into a '''bloodbath'''!
--->'''Martin:''' See, this is why I prefer television. You want to ''see'' that sort of stuff.

to:

--->'''Daphne:''' This is turning into a '''bloodbath'''!
--->'''Martin:'''
'''bloodbath'''!\\
'''Martin:'''
See, this is why I prefer television. You want to ''see'' that sort of stuff.



* Daphne's latest boyfriend turns out to be an eerie doppelganger of Niles (to his immense frustration).

to:

* From "Mixed Doubles", Daphne's latest boyfriend turns out to be an eerie doppelganger of Niles (to his immense frustration).



--> '''Martin:''' "Sorry Duke, I can't talk right now; I'm in TheTwilightZone!"

to:

--> ---> '''Martin:''' "Sorry Duke, I can't talk right now; I'm in TheTwilightZone!"



-->'''Frasier:''' ''(salty pirate voice)'' When my shipmates and I pull into port after several weeks at sea, the first thing we do is...
-->'''Niles:''' ''(into mic, imitating Frasier's accent)'' ...head for the antique sale, arrr!

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' ''(salty pirate voice)'' When my shipmates and I pull into port after several weeks at sea, the first thing we do is... \n-->'''Niles:''' \\
'''Niles:'''
''(into mic, imitating Frasier's accent)'' ...head for the antique sale, arrr!



--->'''Frasier:''' ''(aghast)'' Do you know what this means?!\\

to:

--->'''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' ''(aghast)'' Do you know what this means?!\\



--->'''Roz:''' ''(on Frasier's brief marriage with Nanny G at a children's book store)'' [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre So, uh, Nanny Gee gave you nice "hugs"?]]
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh, ''big'' hugs.
--->'''Roz:''' No kidding.
--->'''Frasier:''' We used to hug our brains out. In fact, you know, the last time we saw each other she wanted to have a little reunion hug, but alas, I was still married to Lilith and settling for my weekly handshake.

to:

--->'''Roz:''' ''(on Frasier's brief marriage with Nanny G at a children's book store)'' [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre So, uh, Nanny Gee gave you nice "hugs"?]]
--->'''Frasier:'''
"hugs"?]]\\
'''Frasier:'''
Oh, ''big'' hugs.
--->'''Roz:'''
hugs.\\
'''Roz:'''
No kidding.
--->'''Frasier:'''
kidding.\\
'''Frasier:'''
We used to hug our brains out. In fact, you know, the last time we saw each other she wanted to have a little reunion hug, but alas, I was still married to Lilith and settling for my weekly handshake.



--->'''Daphne:''' ''(aside)'' Isn't she the children's entertainer?
--->'''Martin:''' ''(aside)''' Yeah. Spongebob Hotpants.

to:

--->'''Daphne:''' ''(aside)'' Isn't she the children's entertainer?
--->'''Martin:'''
entertainer?\\
'''Martin:'''
''(aside)''' Yeah. Spongebob Hotpants.



--->'''Martin:''' Blah blah blah. ''(To Daphne)'' Afraid you're going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone. ''(To Frasier)'' Afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family. ''(To Niles)'' Afraid you're going to be a bad father? [[TakeThatMe Join the club]]. Now clam it up and go to sleep.\\

to:

--->'''Martin:''' Blah blah blah. ''(To Daphne)'' Afraid you're going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone. ''(To Frasier)'' Afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family. ''(To Niles)'' Afraid you're going to be a bad father? [[TakeThatMe [[SelfDeprecation Join the club]]. Now clam it up and go to sleep.\\



-->'''Frasier:''' You know, you're jealous. You're jealous that I'm having sex. Jealous that I'm having hot, passionate, sweaty jungle sex. What are you having?
-->[he doesn't notice the waitress behind him]
-->'''Niles:''' I'm having a latte.

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' You know, you're jealous. You're jealous that I'm having sex. Jealous that I'm having hot, passionate, sweaty jungle sex. What are you having?
-->[he
having?\\
[he
doesn't notice the waitress behind him]
-->'''Niles:'''
him]\\
'''Niles:'''
I'm having a latte.



-->'''Frasier:''' Thank God! Tonight I can sleep peacefully knowing there'll be no motel room, no tequila bottle and ''no naked man in my bed!''\\

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' --->'''Frasier:''' Thank God! Tonight I can sleep peacefully knowing there'll be no motel room, no tequila bottle and ''no naked man in my bed!''\\



--> '''Frasier:''' Very exclusive. Unlisted number. No advertising.\\

to:

--> ---> '''Frasier:''' Very exclusive. Unlisted number. No advertising.\\



---> '''Frasier:''' What in God's name are you doing? Just reach in there and get it over with!\\

to:

---> ----> '''Frasier:''' What in God's name are you doing? Just reach in there and get it over with!\\



--> '''Roz:''' "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YGTlRWBolc#t=04m50s Big blue flash. Cherries... everywhere.]]"

to:

--> '''Roz:''' --->'''Roz:''' "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YGTlRWBolc#t=04m50s Big blue flash. Cherries... everywhere.]]"



--> '''Bulldog:''' [[YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame Great job, Doc!]] [[LoveableSexManiac My date's dress is stickin' to her like Saran Wrap!]]

to:

--> ----> '''Bulldog:''' [[YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame Great job, Doc!]] [[LoveableSexManiac My date's dress is stickin' to her like Saran Wrap!]]



* One word: "VENEER!"

to:

* One word: "VENEER!""[[DrinkingGame VENEER!]]"



-->'''Frasier''': She's back! The scourge of my existence!
-->'''Niles''': Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the walls...

to:

-->'''Frasier''': --->'''Frasier''': She's back! The scourge of my existence!
-->'''Niles''':
existence!\\
'''Niles''':
Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the walls...



-->'''Roz''': It's not like she worships the devil!
-->'''Frasier''': Well, she doesn't have to; he worships HER!

to:

-->'''Roz''': --->'''Roz''': It's not like she worships the devil!
-->'''Frasier''':
devil!\\
'''Frasier''':
Well, she doesn't have to; he worships HER!



-->'''Lilith''': Congratulations, Frasier, you've done it again. You've led another unsuspecting innocent down one of your dark, dead-end Freudian hallways.
-->'''Frasier''': Well, Seattle, we have a celebrity of sorts on the line. This is my ex-wife, Lilith.
-->'''Lilith''': (perplexed) What do you mean, "celebrity"?
-->'''Frasier''': (darkly) Oh, they know you.
-->'''Lilith''': I'm here for a convention, and I happened to hear your voice on the radio. I kept hoping you'd introduce Pearl Jam's latest hit, but much to my chagrin, you were doling out worthless little advice pellets from your psychiatric Pez dispenser.

to:

-->'''Lilith''': --->'''Lilith''': Congratulations, Frasier, you've done it again. You've led another unsuspecting innocent down one of your dark, dead-end Freudian hallways.
-->'''Frasier''':
hallways.\\
'''Frasier''':
Well, Seattle, we have a celebrity of sorts on the line. This is my ex-wife, Lilith.
-->'''Lilith''':
Lilith.\\
'''Lilith''':
(perplexed) What do you mean, "celebrity"?
-->'''Frasier''':
"celebrity"?\\
'''Frasier''':
(darkly) Oh, they know you.
-->'''Lilith''':
you.\\
'''Lilith''':
I'm here for a convention, and I happened to hear your voice on the radio. I kept hoping you'd introduce Pearl Jam's latest hit, but much to my chagrin, you were doling out worthless little advice pellets from your psychiatric Pez dispenser.



* And Eddie ripping the 'flour child' apart in puffs of flour as Daphne looks mildly on and declares in an Australian accent, "[[Film/ACryInTheDark 'At dingo's got yer baby...]]"

to:

* ** And Eddie ripping the 'flour child' apart in puffs of flour as Daphne looks mildly on and declares in an Australian accent, "[[Film/ACryInTheDark 'At dingo's got yer baby...]]"



* "That's it. I've lost. Maris has won...Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That why Niles lives in the Shangri-La and drives a [[FelonyMisdemeanor HATCHBACK!]]"

to:

* "That's From "To Tell the Truth":
-->'''Niles:''' That's
it. I've lost. Maris has won...Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That why Niles lives in the Shangri-La and drives a [[FelonyMisdemeanor HATCHBACK!]]"HATCHBACK!]]



--> '''Frasier''': I AM NOT CRAZY! I am dating a supermodel zoologist, whom I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galapagos Islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! Now is that so hard to believe?!

to:

--> '''Frasier''': -->'''Frasier''': I AM NOT CRAZY! I am dating a supermodel zoologist, whom I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galapagos Islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! Now is that so hard to believe?!



-->'''Phil:''' I just wanna thank you Cliff, for all the great times we had at Cheers.
-->'''Cliff:''' You were always there for me Al.
-->'''Phil:''' I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch!

to:

-->'''Phil:''' I just wanna thank you Cliff, for all the great times we had at Cheers.
-->'''Cliff:'''
Cheers.\\
'''Cliff:'''
You were always there for me Al.
-->'''Phil:'''
me, Al.\\
'''Phil:'''
I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch!



-->'''Frasier:''' I seem to recall the word 'stallion-like'!
-->'''Roz:''' I never said stallion.
-->'''Frasier:''' Well, ''one'' of us did!

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' I seem to recall the word 'stallion-like'!
-->'''Roz:'''
'stallion-like'!\\
'''Roz:'''
I never said stallion.
-->'''Frasier:'''
stallion.\\
'''Frasier:'''
Well, ''one'' of us did!



-->'''Nile''': This is a dried-up old fig! \\

to:

-->'''Nile''': --->'''Nile''': This is a dried-up old fig! \\



'''Frasier:''' Great idea Niles! Better yet, why don't we just get on a bicycle built for two, ride over there and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us!

to:

'''Frasier:''' Great idea idea, Niles! Better yet, why don't we just get on a bicycle built for two, ride over there and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us!



--->'''Niles:''' Why is Joaquin on such a strict diet?
--->'''Frasier:''' Because the Joaquin they're bringing to dinner is... their foster child! From a tiny village on the pampas. He speaks no English and he gets nauseated when he eats American food!
--->'''Niles:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint So, he's not the conductor of the Buenos Aires Philharmonic?]]
--->'''Frasier:''' ''(beat)'' '''''Oh, you are SO "that other one"!'''''

to:

--->'''Niles:''' Why is Joaquin on such a strict diet?
--->'''Frasier:'''
diet?\\
'''Frasier:'''
Because the Joaquin they're bringing to dinner is... their foster child! From a tiny village on the pampas. He speaks no English and he gets nauseated when he eats American food!
--->'''Niles:'''
food!\\
'''Niles:'''
[[ComicallyMissingThePoint So, he's not the conductor of the Buenos Aires Philharmonic?]]
--->'''Frasier:'''
Philharmonic?]]\\
'''Frasier:'''
''(beat)'' '''''Oh, you are SO "that other one"!'''''



--->'''Daphne:''' Doesn't she look beautiful!
--->'''Roz:''' ''(extremely annoyed)'' Oh, shut it, Daphne! I know you think I look like a hooker.
--->'''Daphne:''' No, I said it made ''me'' look like a hooker. On you... well, it works!

to:

--->'''Daphne:''' Doesn't she look beautiful!
--->'''Roz:'''
beautiful!\\
'''Roz:'''
''(extremely annoyed)'' Oh, shut it, Daphne! I know you think I look like a hooker.
--->'''Daphne:'''
hooker.\\
'''Daphne:'''
No, I said it made ''me'' look like a hooker. On you... well, it works!



* "The Show Where Diane Comes Back" featuring a pretentious stage version of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' with Diane as [[MarySue Mary Anne]]. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug-vwMEEe7E Words do not do it justice]].

to:

* "The Show Where Diane Comes Back" featuring [[HerCodeNameWasMarySue a pretentious stage version version]] of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' with Diane as [[MarySue Mary Anne]]. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug-vwMEEe7E Words do not do it justice]].



--> '''Frasier:''' So ''drink hearty'', Franklin, and LAUGH! Because you have made a ''pact''--''with BEELZEBUB!!!'' '''AND HER NAME IS ''MARY ANNE!!!'''''
--> ''([[ComicallyMissingThePoint Actors applaud]])''

to:

--> '''Frasier:''' --->'''Frasier:''' So ''drink hearty'', Franklin, and LAUGH! Because you have made a ''pact''--''with BEELZEBUB!!!'' '''AND HER NAME IS ''MARY ANNE!!!'''''
-->
ANNE!!!'''''\\
''([[ComicallyMissingThePoint Actors applaud]])''



--> '''Frasier''' ''(abashed):'' Force of habit.
--> '''Diane:''' I've been doing it all week!

to:

--> '''Frasier''' -->'''Frasier''' ''(abashed):'' Force of habit.
-->
habit.\\
'''Diane:''' I've been doing it all week!



-->'''Niles:''' How dare you try to steal my group!
-->'''Frasier:''' I don't need your group! I've got a group of my own, half a million strong!
-->'''Niles:''' Oh yes, your legions! Why don't you rent a farm, pass out the body paint and call it [=FrasierStock=]!

to:

-->'''Niles:''' How dare you try to steal my group!
-->'''Frasier:'''
group!\\
'''Frasier:'''
I don't need your group! I've got a group of my own, half a million strong!
-->'''Niles:'''
strong!\\
'''Niles:'''
Oh yes, your legions! Why don't you rent a farm, pass out the body paint and call it [=FrasierStock=]!



-->'''Roz:''' It's ok, I think she's gone....Oh wait! I see her coat on the hat-rack.
-->'''Frasier:''' Look closer, is the hat-rack moving?
-->'''Roz:''' Oh my ''GOD!!''
** And after Roz and Frasier meet the Barracuda:
-->'''Barracuda:''' [[LatinLover I see you are versed in the international language of love.]]
-->'''Frasier:''' Oh yes Roz, say something amusing in ''Esperanto!''

to:

-->'''Roz:''' It's ok, I think she's gone....Oh wait! I see her coat on the hat-rack.
-->'''Frasier:'''
hat-rack.\\
'''Frasier:'''
Look closer, is the hat-rack moving?
-->'''Roz:'''
moving?\\
'''Roz:'''
Oh my ''GOD!!''
** And after Roz and Frasier meet [[LoungeLizard the Barracuda:
-->'''Barracuda:'''
Barracuda]]:
--->'''Barracuda:'''
[[LatinLover I see you are versed in the international language of love.]]
-->'''Frasier:'''
]]\\
'''Frasier:'''
Oh yes Roz, say something amusing in ''Esperanto!''



-->'''Frasier:''' You've booked me on a floating [[TheGongShow Gong Show!]]

to:

-->'''Frasier:''' --->'''Frasier:''' You've booked me on a floating [[TheGongShow Gong Show!]]



-->'''Paula:''' Do you mind if I ask? Is this homemade or store-bought?
-->'''Steve:''' Honey, don't ask that! Pardon my wife, sometimes she gets a little '''''nosey'''''.
-->'''Paula:''' Me '''''nosey'''''? You're the '''''nosey''''' one in the family.
-->'''Steve:''' Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosey'''''!
-->'''Paula:''' Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosier'''''!
-->''(At this point, Niles, Daphne and Martin are mightily struggling to keep from collapsing in laughter. Even Frasier finally cracks and guffaws in the kitchen.)''

to:

-->'''Paula:''' Do you mind if I ask? Is this homemade or store-bought?
-->'''Steve:'''
store-bought?\\
'''Steve:'''
Honey, don't ask that! Pardon my wife, sometimes she gets a little '''''nosey'''''.
-->'''Paula:'''
'''''nosey'''''.\\
'''Paula:'''
Me '''''nosey'''''? You're the '''''nosey''''' one in the family.
-->'''Steve:'''
family.\\
'''Steve:'''
Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosey'''''!
-->'''Paula:'''
'''''nosey'''''!\\
'''Paula:'''
Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosier'''''!
-->''(At
'''''nosier'''''!\\
''(At
this point, Niles, Daphne and Martin are mightily struggling to keep from collapsing in laughter. Even Frasier finally cracks and guffaws in the kitchen.)''



--->'''Frasier:''' You know Roz, in spite of a rather shaky beginning, I think this evening's turned out rather well.
--->'''Roz:''' Oh yeah, and you were absolutely right, Frasier. Now I can see some of the qualities my baby can have. A great sense of humor... a sweet disposition... '''[[{{Angrish}} a nose like an ANTEATER!]]'''!

to:

--->'''Frasier:''' You know Roz, in spite of a rather shaky beginning, I think this evening's turned out rather well.
--->'''Roz:'''
well.\\
'''Roz:'''
Oh yeah, and you were absolutely right, Frasier. Now I can see some of the qualities my baby can have. A great sense of humor... a sweet disposition... '''[[{{Angrish}} a nose like an ANTEATER!]]'''!



--->'''Roz:''' '''''Oh my GOD!'''''
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh, come on, Roz! It can't be that bad, let me have a look!
--->'''Roz:''' No, no way, no! I'll never hear the end of it!
--->'''Frasier:''' Please.
--->''(Roz shows Frasier the photos. He looks... and quickly shows them to Niles and Daphne. They stare.)''
--->'''Niles:''' ''(awed)'' Where '''''is''''' the end of it?

to:

--->'''Roz:''' '''''Oh my GOD!'''''
--->'''Frasier:'''
GOD!'''''\\
'''Frasier:'''
Oh, come on, Roz! It can't be that bad, let me have a look!
--->'''Roz:'''
look!\\
'''Roz:'''
No, no way, no! I'll never hear the end of it!
--->'''Frasier:''' Please.
--->''(Roz
it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Please.\\
''(Roz
shows Frasier the photos. He looks... and quickly shows them to Niles and Daphne. They stare.)''
--->'''Niles:'''
)''\\
'''Niles:'''
''(awed)'' Where '''''is''''' the end of it?



--->'''Roz:''' Oh, I just felt a kick.
--->'''Daphne:''' You sure it wasn't a sneeze?
--->'''Raz:''' ''(amiably)'' Ha. ha.

to:

--->'''Roz:''' Oh, I just felt a kick.
--->'''Daphne:'''
kick.\\
'''Daphne:'''
You sure it wasn't a sneeze?
--->'''Raz:'''
sneeze?\\
'''Raz:'''
''(amiably)'' Ha. ha.



-->'''Niles:''' These women are inscrutable as sphinxes!
-->'''Frasier:''' Yes, they've got us into some most veiled, cloaked, cryptic messages. Can't they just give us one clear signal?!
-->'''Beth:''' Well, I'm going to bed. Niles, are you coming? [{{Beat}}]
-->'''Niles:''' Curse these infernal riddles!

to:

-->'''Niles:''' These women are inscrutable as sphinxes!
-->'''Frasier:'''
sphinxes!\\
'''Frasier:'''
Yes, they've got us into some most veiled, cloaked, cryptic messages. Can't they just give us one clear signal?!
-->'''Beth:'''
signal?!\\
'''Beth:'''
Well, I'm going to bed. Niles, are you coming? [{{Beat}}]
-->'''Niles:'''
[{{Beat}}]\\
'''Niles:'''
Curse these infernal riddles!



-->'''Niles:''' Well, he recognised you.
-->'''Frasier:''' (preening) Oh! A fan of my show?
-->'''Niles:''' No. He lives in ''your'' building.

to:

-->'''Niles:''' '''Niles:''' Well, he recognised you.
-->'''Frasier:'''
you.\\
'''Frasier:'''
(preening) Oh! A fan of my show?
-->'''Niles:'''
show?\\
'''Niles:'''
No. He lives in ''your'' building.\\



--> "''NILES GOTTA HAVE IT!''"

to:

--> "''NILES --->"''NILES GOTTA HAVE IT!''"



--> '''Niles''' He's crushed the gentleman's hand... and appears to have commandeered his newsstand.
--> '''Martin''' ''(resignedly):'' Uh-huh.
--> ''(moments later)''
--> '''Niles:''' Oh, my God. Frasier's set his news-stand on fire.
--> '''Martin''' ''(with no change of posture):'' Uh-huh.

to:

--> '''Niles''' -->'''Niles''' He's crushed the gentleman's hand... and appears to have commandeered his newsstand.
-->
newsstand.\\
'''Martin''' ''(resignedly):'' Uh-huh.
-->
Uh-huh.\\
''(moments later)''
-->
later)''\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, my God. Frasier's set his news-stand newsstand on fire.
-->
fire.\\
'''Martin''' ''(with no change of posture):'' Uh-huh.
4th Apr '17 9:24:36 PM AnotherGuy
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'''Niles:''' [Defensively] Yes. I even showed her my collection of rarely 18th century Portuguese bug-faces.\\

to:

'''Niles:''' [Defensively] Yes. I even showed her my collection of rarely 18th century Portuguese bug-faces.bud vases.\\
4th Apr '17 9:23:31 PM AnotherGuy
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** Later in the same episode, Frasier is desperately trying to convince Niles that his new "girlfriend" Sabrina is actually a high-class call girl:

to:

** Later in the same episode, Frasier is desperately [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qaQNnkq4xI desperately]] trying to convince Niles that his new "girlfriend" Sabrina is actually a high-class call girl:



'''Niles:''' [Defensively] Yes. I even showed her my collection of rare Portuguese butt-faces.\\

to:

'''Niles:''' [Defensively] Yes. I even showed her my collection of rare rarely 18th century Portuguese butt-faces.bug-faces.\\



'''Niles:''' If you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collects porcelain and [[ExplainExplainOhCrap oh my God, I'm dating a whore!]]

to:

'''Niles:''' If you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collects porcelain and [[ExplainExplainOhCrap oh my God, I'm dating a whore!]]whore!]] ... They have my ''credit card number''! I've been running up a ''tab''!
4th Apr '17 9:19:42 PM AnotherGuy
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-->'''Daphne:''' This is comfy, although it's a little on the soft side, and I prefer- [[SomethingElseAlsoRises ...hello!... oh, oh!... ooh, this is enough to make me give up me search for a meaningful relationship!]]
-->''*someone approaches*''
-->'''Frasier:''' Oh, oh, quick! That's dad! Get out, get out, get out!!
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(clearly annoyed)'' Oh, alright! Just like a man: now you've had your fun, you don't care where I am!

to:

-->'''Daphne:''' --->'''Daphne:''' This is comfy, although it's a little on the soft side, and I prefer- [[SomethingElseAlsoRises ...hello!... oh, oh!... ooh, this is enough to make me give up me search for a meaningful relationship!]]
-->''*someone approaches*''
-->'''Frasier:'''
--->''(someone approaches)''
--->'''Frasier:'''
Oh, oh, quick! That's dad! Get out, get out, get out!!
-->'''Daphne:''' --->'''Daphne:''' ''(clearly annoyed)'' Oh, alright! Just like a man: now you've had your fun, you don't care where I am!



-->'''Niles:''' I never knew a chair could be this satisfying! ...I never knew that ''anything'' could! ...I want it!
-->'''Frasier:''' Right, Niles. I'm sure it would fit in with all of Maris' eighteenth-century antiques.
-->'''Niles:''' Well, I'll just rent it an apartment and visit it on the side!

to:

-->'''Niles:''' --->'''Niles:''' I never knew a chair could be this satisfying! ...I never knew that ''anything'' could! ...I want it!
-->'''Frasier:''' --->'''Frasier:''' Right, Niles. I'm sure it would fit in with all of Maris' eighteenth-century antiques.
-->'''Niles:''' --->'''Niles:''' Well, I'll just rent it an apartment and visit it on the side!side!
** Then there's Martin's reaction.
--->'''Martin:''' ''(beat)'' '''''That's DISGUSTING!'''''
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.Frasier