History Funny / Frasier

18th Jul '17 11:12:53 PM mlsmithca
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[[AC:721: The Three faces of Frasier]]
* Frasier finally gets a caricature on the wall of Stefano's, the upscale Italian restaurant at which he has been a regular customer since childhood. However, he is unamused to see that the caricature sports a ForeheadOfDoom, and as he, Martin, and Daphne return home, he vents his frustration:
-->'''Martin:''' Fras', will you let it go, it's a perfectly nice picture!\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh?... so, nothing jumped out at you as, I don't know, ''encephalitic!?''\\
'''Martin:''' So they gave you a big forehead, who cares? It makes you look smart!\\
'''Frasier:''' It makes me look like I discovered ''fire!''\\
''[later, after Niles (who bowed out of going to Stefano's after a childhood vomit incident) has arrived and asked what the surprise was]''\\
'''Daphne:''' They put his picture on the wall and he thinks his forehead looks a touch too big.\\
'''Frasier:''' A ''touch?!'' I look like a fugitive from Easter Island!
4th Jul '17 9:17:04 PM MovieNut14
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* The bachelor auction is pure hilarity. The ladies in the audience are variously described as a "Rotweiler pit" and "like sharks at a feeding frenzy". As Martin enters while "public television's own cute and cuddly Mr. Science" is being bid on, we can hear the announcer shouting "Please, please, keep articles of clothing off the stage!" Seahawks linebacker T.J. "The Enforcer" Smith, whom Martin says has put two quarterbacks in the hospital so far that season, is utterly petrified when his number is called, and even more so when a woman with "this crazed look in her eye" buys him; inevitably, said woman turns out to be Roz. When Frasier comes off stage, he says the last thing he can remember is someone shouting "Shake your money maker!"

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* The bachelor auction is pure hilarity. The ladies in the audience are variously described as a "Rotweiler "Rottweiler pit" and "like sharks at a feeding frenzy". As Martin enters while "public television's own cute and cuddly Mr. Science" is being bid on, we can hear the announcer shouting "Please, please, keep articles of clothing off the stage!" Seahawks linebacker T.J. "The Enforcer" Smith, whom Martin says has put two quarterbacks in the hospital so far that season, is utterly petrified when his number is called, and even more so when a woman with "this crazed look in her eye" buys him; inevitably, said woman turns out to be Roz. When Frasier comes off stage, he says the last thing he can remember is someone shouting "Shake your money maker!"



** At first, Niles tries to pass it off as a compliment.

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** *** At first, Niles tries to pass it off as a compliment.



** Cue the pair arguing over who's "the one" and who's "that other one".

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** *** Cue the pair arguing over who's "the one" and who's "that other one".



** It culminates in this:

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** *** It culminates in this:



** They ask Martin:

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** *** They ask Martin:



** This also sets up TheStinger when Martin tells the two about two eccentric brothers who shared a New York apartment and built a maze out of newspapers that one got lost in and died. After bidding farewell to Niles, Frasier takes a stack of newspapers out for recycling.

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** This also sets up TheStinger when Martin tells the two about [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers two eccentric brothers brothers]] who shared a New York apartment and built a maze out of newspapers that one got lost in and died. After bidding farewell to Niles, Frasier takes a stack of newspapers out for recycling.
4th Jul '17 9:00:45 PM MovieNut14
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-->'''Niles:''' [[ThatCameOutWrong I could certainly use you... I would know of a position you could... Services you could... A hole that needs...]]\\

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-->'''Niles:''' [[ThatCameOutWrong [[FreudianSlipperySlope I could certainly use you... I would know of a position you could... Services you could... A hole that needs...]]\\
2nd Jul '17 6:38:10 PM mlsmithca
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* This episode marks the series' most explicit homage to the farces of writers like Georges Feydeau, and the entire second half is an utter triumph for the writers. Frasier persuades Roz to give him the ski lodge weekend she has won in a church raffle, and takes along Niles, Martin, Daphne, and Daphne's DumbBlonde friend Annie; the weekend includes ski lessons from French former Olympian Guy. Niles (in the early stages of divorcing Maris) is more determined than ever to pursue Daphne, who is more interested in Guy; meanwhile, Annie has her eye on Niles, while Frasier is hoping to seduce Annie. And as for Guy... he's especially interested in Niles. All it takes is Martin's cold-induced hearing impairment leading to a few miscommunications and Daphne and Annie accidentally going into each other's bedrooms in front of Frasier and Niles, then swapping back after the brothers have gone into their own rooms, and the stage is set for a series of doors opening and closing and shock discoveries of the wrong people in the wrong beds in states of undress. As if that weren't enough, Guy interprets Daphne's attempts to keep Annie away from Niles (due to her history as a maneater) as a sign that they're in a lesbian relationship. Everything gets topped off by Frasier's perfect summation:

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* This episode marks the series' most explicit homage to the farces of writers like Georges Feydeau, and the entire second half is an utter triumph for the writers. Frasier persuades Roz to give him the ski lodge weekend she has won in a church raffle, raffle (partly by pointing out that her pregnancy would limit her options for physical activity and partly by bribing her with a big screen TV), and takes along Niles, Martin, Daphne, and Daphne's DumbBlonde friend Annie; the weekend includes ski lessons from French former Olympian Guy. Niles (in the early stages of divorcing Maris) is more determined than ever to pursue Daphne, who is more interested in Guy; meanwhile, Annie has her eye on Niles, while Frasier is hoping to seduce Annie. And as for Guy... he's especially interested in Niles. All it takes is Martin's cold-induced hearing impairment leading to a few miscommunications and Daphne and Annie accidentally going into each other's bedrooms in front of Frasier and Niles, then swapping back after the brothers have gone into their own rooms, and the stage is set for a series of doors opening and closing and shock discoveries of the wrong people in the wrong beds in states of undress. As if that weren't enough, Guy interprets Daphne's attempts to keep Annie away from Niles (due to her history as a maneater) as a sign that they're in a lesbian relationship. Everything gets topped off by Frasier's perfect summation:
2nd Jul '17 1:23:19 AM mlsmithca
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'''Edward:''' ''All right, Emily! [he looks at Martin and shrugs helplessly]''\\

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'''Edward:''' ''All right, Emily! [he looks smiles at Martin and shrugs helplessly]''\\
2nd Jul '17 12:23:37 AM mlsmithca
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** Daphne tells Niles that his track record for throwing parties with Frasier is a disaster, so Niles excludes a very indignant Frasier from the preparation process. The party is intended to celebrate a painting by artist Mike Shaw (who will be attending) that Niles is donating to an art gallery. However, as Roz prepares to leave after helping set things up, she and Daphne discover that Roz' daughter Alice has written her name in crayon on the Shaw painting, and Daphne sends Roz and the painting to an art restorer while replacing the painting with one of Alice's drawings and covering it with a cloth. She then has to spend the rest of the evening defending it from one of the guest's attempts to get a peek.

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** Daphne tells Niles that his track record for throwing parties with Frasier is a disaster, so Niles excludes a very indignant Frasier from the preparation process. The party is intended to celebrate a painting by artist Mike Shaw (who will be attending) has been invited but declined) that Niles is donating to an art gallery. However, as Roz prepares to leave after helping set things up, she and Daphne discover that Roz' daughter Alice has written her name in crayon on the Shaw painting, and Daphne sends Roz and the painting to an art restorer while replacing the painting with one of Alice's drawings and covering it with a cloth. She then has to spend the rest of the evening defending it from one of the guest's attempts to get a peek.



** The argument between Frasier and Niles means that Frasier's presence in the kitchen must be kept secret from Niles (resulting in Daphne physically ejecting Niles from the kitchen as the evening wears on); meanwhile, an unenthusiastic Shaw, a plain-spoken older man in a plaid shirt with a cane, arrives and ends up going upstairs with Daphne's mother. Two guests leave early after having met Shaw and describe him to Niles, who notices the description matches Martin - who has just arrived after Frasier asked him to bring over some ramekins. Convinced Martin has been mistaken for Shaw, Niles tries to usher him out, but the other guests begin engaging him in conversation, and soon he is launching himself enthusiastically into the role by verbally tearing into every piece of art Niles owns, with the guests hanging on his every word. (What we see of the real Shaw, who despises pretentious "art connoisseurs", suggests he might well do something similar...)

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** The argument between Frasier and Niles means that Frasier's presence in the kitchen must be kept secret from Niles (resulting in Daphne physically ejecting Niles from the kitchen as the evening wears on); meanwhile, an unenthusiastic Shaw, Shaw arrives, having been persuaded to attend by his gallery, but only meets a couple of guests before joining Daphne's mother to watch a pay-per-view boxing match upstairs. Said guests have to leave early and describe Shaw to Niles as a plain-spoken older man dressed in a plaid shirt with and using a cane, arrives and ends up going upstairs with Daphne's mother. Two guests leave early after having met Shaw and describe him to Niles, who notices the a description Niles notices matches Martin - who has just arrived after Frasier asked him to bring over some ramekins. Convinced with a set of ramekins at Frasier's request. Unaware of Shaw's presence, Niles assumes that Martin has been mistaken for Shaw, Niles the artist and tries to usher him out, but the other guests begin engaging him in conversation, and soon he is launching himself enthusiastically into the role by verbally tearing into every piece of art Niles owns, with the guests hanging on his every word. (What we see of (As the real Shaw, who despises Shaw didn't want to attend due to his contempt for pretentious "art connoisseurs", suggests he might well do likely would have done something similar...)
1st Jul '17 1:29:59 AM mlsmithca
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* Niles is so distracted by his euphoria over the consummation of his relationship with Daphne that he has forgotten to bring Roz a birthday present, and hastily wraps the earthenware crock that features in each of this episode's vignettes. Frasier's "Yes, I know, don't say anything" gesture to Martin as Roz unwraps the gift is priceless.
-->'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' Oh look, it's a crock. With a chipped lid, ''[lifts lid]'' and a dead bee.
* The 1999 vignette involves Frasier, Niles, Daphne, and Roz getting stuck on the balcony after the door handle comes off in Daphne's hand, while Martin is wearing a set of remote headphones and so cannot hear them shouting and tapping on the glass. Neither Roz nor Frasier have their phones as they are in costume for the KACL parade float, so Niles begins digging in his blazer pockets. Just as he finds his phone, Daphne, who is dressed in clashing polyester clothes for an "ugly American" party with her English friends, exclaims that the heat is too much and starts stripping off; as this vignette takes place while Niles was still pining for Daphne, he immediately replaces his phone in his pocket.

to:

* Niles is so distracted by his euphoria over the consummation (several times over, apparently) of his relationship with Daphne that he has forgotten to bring Roz a birthday present, and hastily wraps the earthenware crock that features in each of this episode's vignettes. Frasier's "Yes, I know, don't say anything" gesture to Martin as Roz unwraps the gift is priceless.
-->'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' Oh look, it's It's a crock. With a chipped lid, ''[lifts lid]'' and a dead bee.
bee. Thank you, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[not really listening owing to the "come hither" look Daphne has been giving him]'' Glad you like it.
* The 1999 vignette involves Frasier, Niles, opens with Frasier in costume as Uncle Sam for the KACL 4th of July parade float, telling Martin to wear the remote headphones he bought him so that he doesn't have to hear the baseball games Martin watches. Martin insists that Frasier deliver this instruction in character...
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[handing Martin the headphones]'' Dad, I bought you these headphones so that I wouldn't be subjected to your sports dribble! Please put them on!\\
'''Martin:''' All right, I will. But only if you say it.\\
''[Frasier is halfway to the kitchen; his shoulders sag in dismay, but he decides that if this is what it takes...]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[turns and points to Martin in imitation of the famous UsefulNotes/WorldWarI [[https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1d/Unclesamwantyou.jpg recruitment poster]]]'' I WANT '''YOU'''... to wear those headphones! ''[Martin laughs]''
*
Daphne, dressed in clashing polyester for an "ugly American" party with her English friends, and Roz getting stuck on Niles, asking if "Uncle Sam" didn't just hand him a mattress sale flier, are about to leave with Frasier when he notices the bunting on his balcony after is askew, but as they go out to fix it, the door handle comes off in Daphne's hand, while locking them outside. Martin is wearing a set of remote headphones and so cannot can't hear them shouting through his headphones, while when Roz arrives (in costume as Betsy Ross), she goes straight out onto the balcony to watch a Blue Angels fly-by and tapping on the glass. gets locked out as well. Neither Roz nor Frasier have their phones as they are in costume for the KACL parade float, phones, so Niles begins digging in his blazer pockets. Just as he finds his phone, Daphne, who is dressed in clashing polyester clothes for an "ugly American" party with her English friends, Daphne exclaims that the heat is too much and starts stripping off; as this vignette takes place while Niles was still pining for Daphne, he immediately replaces his phone in his pocket.pocket.
* In the 1996 vignette, set when Niles and Maris were still married, we get a vintage joke about her neurotic nature:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[entering from the corridor to Frasier's bedroom in a huff]'' Well. I finally got Maris calmed down. ''[picks up a glass of champagne from the bookshelf]'' I ''hope'' you're happy!\\
'''Frasier:''' All I said was, "Maris, why the long face?"\\
'''Niles:''' Yes - and now she's on the phone to her chin grinder in Zurich.
* Roz' arrival heralds both an explanation of how the crock entered Frasier's life and a nod to the Roz-Niles snark of the series' early years:
-->'''Martin:''' Hey, you hungry, Roz? There's cheese here! ''[lifts the lid off the crock]'' Oh... nobody opened it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Dear God, Dad, that's... ''three years'' old, throw it out!\\
'''Martin:''' No, it'll be fine! You sure you don't want any? ''[reads the label on the underside]'' The label says it's "famously spreadable"!\\
'''Niles:''' Funny, Roz, doesn't your label say the same thing?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[smiling thinly]'' What does yours say, Niles - "May cause drowsiness"!?
30th Jun '17 12:54:46 PM mlsmithca
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-->'''Niles''' He's crushed the gentleman's hand... and appears to have commandeered his newsstand.\\
'''Martin''' ''(resignedly):'' Uh-huh.\\
''(moments later)''\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, my God. [[ItMakesSenseInContext Frasier's set his newsstand on fire.]]\\
'''Martin''' ''(with no change of posture):'' Uh-huh.

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-->'''Niles''' -->'''Niles:''' ''[matter-of-factly]'' He's crushed the gentleman's hand... and now he appears to have commandeered be commandeering his newsstand.\\
'''Martin''' ''(resignedly):'' ''[resignedly]:'' Uh-huh.\\
''(moments later)''\\
''[moments later]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[resting his face on his hand]'' Oh, my God. [[ItMakesSenseInContext Frasier's set his newsstand on fire.]]\\
'''Martin''' ''(with no change of posture):'' ''[still covering his face, but now sinking down further in his seat]:'' Uh-huh.
30th Jun '17 12:03:33 AM mlsmithca
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Added DiffLines:

* The 1999 vignette involves Frasier, Niles, Daphne, and Roz getting stuck on the balcony after the door handle comes off in Daphne's hand, while Martin is wearing a set of remote headphones and so cannot hear them shouting and tapping on the glass. Neither Roz nor Frasier have their phones as they are in costume for the KACL parade float, so Niles begins digging in his blazer pockets. Just as he finds his phone, Daphne, who is dressed in clashing polyester clothes for an "ugly American" party with her English friends, exclaims that the heat is too much and starts stripping off; as this vignette takes place while Niles was still pining for Daphne, he immediately replaces his phone in his pocket.
29th Jun '17 8:18:20 PM mlsmithca
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* From "Are You Being Served?", five words: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3zWP3Mrbqs the "hot and foamy" scene]].
** The build-up is comedy gold, as Frasier and Niles gradually discover exactly WHAT their mother was writing about in her journal when she described Niles as passive, submissive, and easily cowed by females (thus prompting him to sign the divorce papers Maris has sent him): not her sons Frasier and Niles, but her ''lab rats'' Frasier and Niles.
--->'''Niles:''' ''[reading the journal]'' Do you know what this means?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[disgusted]'' Our mother named us after rodents.\\
'''Niles:''' No, it means I have ended my marriage to the woman I love based on the case history of a spineless ''rat!'' Oh my God...\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[overlapping]'' Niles... Niles...\\
'''Niles:''' ''[starting to panic]'' Oh my God, Maris has seen the papers, it's too late to take it back!\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles, your reasoning was still sound!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[panicking more and more]'' My '''''reasoning!?''' My reasoning was based on my mother's obsession WITH '''VERMIN!''' [hurls down the journal]''
** Niles' panic attack attracts the attention of first Martin, then Daphne, as Frasier ushers his brother into the powder room to splash some cold water on his face; as he tries to offer words of encouragement through the door, we hear what sounds like a gunshot, horrifying Frasier, Martin, and Daphne... until the door opens to reveal the payoff of Martin stopping Daphne from throwing out his old gadgets, including a Hot 'N Foamy shaving foam machine which he plugged into the outlet in the powder room moments earlier:
--->'''Daphne:''' Dr. Crane, are you all right?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[covered in foam]'' I'm fine. ''[{{beat}}]'' I'm just a little hot. And foamy.\\
'''Martin:''' You know what must've happened? [[CaptainObvious My Hot 'N Foamy must have exploded!]]\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[looks at Martin in utter disbelief, then back at Niles]'' [[SarcasmMode He was a detective, you know.]]\\
'''Martin:''' ''[[[SarcasmBlind nods]]]''
** And finally, Niles gets a call from Maris, who was just bluffing with the divorce papers; she is so shocked by his decision to sign them that she agrees to withdraw them and go into couples therapy with him. And so the episode's main plot ends by colliding with a subplot about Frasier's aversion to hugging other men as Niles throws his arms around Frasier... while still covered in shaving foam. Frasier's revolted look is priceless.
* In "Chess Pains", Frasier, Daphne, and Martin meet Niles' new dog, Girl...who, it is painfully obvious to everyone ''except'' Niles, is a four-legged doppelganger for Maris--down to the ridiculously aloof and spoiled personality (and the fact that Niles seems emasculated to slave status). After [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9hG_3dGry8 an involved and multi-layered sequence where Frasier, Martin and Daphne can only stare wide-eyed at the spectacle...]]
--> '''Daphne:''' Am I the only one - \\
'''Frasier/Martin:''' No.\\
'''Daphne:''' Does Dr. Crane have any idea?\\
'''Frasier/Martin:''' No.
* "To Kill a Talking Bird":
** Frasier finally tells Niles that his dog is a substitute for Maris. Niles denies this haughtily, but then:
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh? Remember when Maris wore that pillbox hat to the Duchamps' wedding?\\
''(takes a small flowerpot and puts it on the dog's head. Niles '''faints''' from the realization)''
** One of Niles' most magnificent brotherly putdowns, as he brags about the new apartment complex he's living in:
--->'''Frasier:''' I don't think this building can be as exclusive as you said. Your doorman just waved me right through.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, he recognised you.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(preening)'' Oh! A fan of my show?\\
'''Niles:''' No. He lives in ''your'' building.
* Martin's message to future generations in "Frasier Loves Roz", as Niles records with a video camera. He can't resist trolling:
--> '''Martin''' ''(into the camera)'': My name is Martin Crane. When I made this tape, I was sixty-four years old. But ''now''...''(bulging eyes)'' '''I'm ''dead''...!'''\\
''([[DisapprovingLook Niles slumps]])''\\
'''Martin''': ''Trapped'' in a ''box'', underground...! Pretty ''scary'', huh...?! ''(EvilLaugh)''\\
'''Niles''': ''(Stops recording)'' Dad, surely you must have ''some'' message you want to leave for the Cranes of the twenty-first century--?!\\
'''Martin''': Alright, alright, I do.... ''(To camera, as Niles resumes)'' Remember to always work hard...and that family comes first. ''(Play-squirms, sighs)'' And...I have a million ''bucks''...in unmarked bills...that I took off a drug dealer, that I have stashed in my old army foot locker. The combination is Left 15...Right 32...Le--\\
''({{Beat}}, starts "choking"...and collapses in his chair.)''\\
'''Niles''' ''(focusing the camera on himself):'' Future generations... see what I had to put up with?
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHWoYoW5zWA The "bull painting" incident]] from "Our Father, Whose Art Ain't Heaven", leading to Frasier, Martin, and Niles having an epic cryfest...
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(crying)'' I made...''our father '''cry!'''''\\
'''Martin:''' ''(crying)'' [[BlatantLies I'm not CRYING!]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, ''I am! I'm the most--ungrateful son there is!''\\
'''Martin:''' ''I can never do anything for my sons!''\\
'''Niles:''' ''({{beat}}, then bawls)'' ''[[{{Wangst}} No one wants to come TO MY PARTY!!!]]''
* From "Taps at the Montana":
** Niles's cockatoo [[NotInFrontOfTheParrot has an amazing gift for latching onto the wrong dialogue.]]
--->'''Cockatoo:''' AWK! Stuff it, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''Ohhhhh'' don't tempt me.
** The next time we see the cockatoo, she is lying dead on the kitchen table, so Frasier and Daphne cover her with a dish towel before breaking the news to Niles. Then one of his party guests enters, having spilled wine on her blouse, and reaches for the towel. Daphne quickly pushes the towel down and says she should use something much better, as Niles hands her... a piece of bread. She goes along with it, describing bread as "nature's sponge", but the look she exchanges with Niles afterward is hysterical.
* In "The Candidate", Frasier endorses a candidate for congress, calling him 'the sane choice. Later, that candidate (Phil Paterson) reveals to Frasier that [[spoiler: [[AlienAbduction he believes he was abducted by aliens]]. In a few weeks, a scandal goes out about Paterson having illegal ''aliens'' working for him. Frasier believes that it has been made public that Paterson believes in actual aliens. [[NiceJobBreakingItHero He attempts to remedy the public's doubt by talking about it on his radio show, only for him to blow the whole 'alien abduction' thing public, too]].]]
--> '''Paterson:''' [[ThePollyanna It's OK, Frasier. Maybe I'll try running for office in California instead.]] [[TakeThat Something like this might actually help me there.]]
* From "Death Becomes Him", the scene where, after spending an entire episode worrying about his mortality, [[ItMakesSenseInContext including getting Martin and Niles little labels to put on the things they want bequeathed to them]], Frasier finally calms down after a late-night talk with Martin. Just as they're heading off to bed... Martin mentions there's something on Frasier's robe. He checks, and with the utmost air of disgust... "''Niles''." (Niles had also earlier tried to trick Frasier out of pouring from a certain bottle of wine because he wanted it.)

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[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Season 1]]
[[AC:106: The Crucible]]
* From "Are You Being Served?", five words: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3zWP3Mrbqs At the "hot and foamy" scene]].
** The build-up is comedy gold, as
beginning of the episode, Frasier and Niles gradually discover exactly WHAT their mother was writing about in her journal when she described Niles as passive, submissive, and easily cowed by females (thus prompting him to sign the divorce papers Maris has sent him): not her sons Frasier and Niles, but her ''lab rats'' Frasier and Niles.
--->'''Niles:''' ''[reading the journal]'' Do you know what this means?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[disgusted]'' Our mother named us after rodents.\\
'''Niles:''' No, it means I have ended my marriage to the woman I love based on the case history of a spineless ''rat!'' Oh my God...\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[overlapping]'' Niles... Niles...\\
'''Niles:''' ''[starting to panic]'' Oh my God, Maris has seen the papers, it's too late to take it back!\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles, your reasoning was still sound!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[panicking more and more]'' My '''''reasoning!?''' My reasoning was based on my mother's obsession WITH '''VERMIN!''' [hurls down the journal]''
** Niles' panic attack attracts the attention of first Martin, then Daphne, as Frasier ushers his brother into the powder room to splash some cold water on his face; as he tries to offer words of encouragement through the door, we hear what sounds like a gunshot, horrifying Frasier, Martin, and Daphne... until the door opens to reveal the payoff of Martin stopping Daphne from throwing out his old gadgets, including a Hot 'N Foamy shaving foam machine which he plugged into the outlet in the powder room moments earlier:
--->'''Daphne:''' Dr. Crane, are you all right?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[covered in foam]'' I'm fine. ''[{{beat}}]'' I'm just a little hot. And foamy.\\
'''Martin:''' You know what must've happened? [[CaptainObvious My Hot 'N Foamy must have exploded!]]\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[looks at Martin in utter disbelief, then back at Niles]'' [[SarcasmMode He was a detective, you know.]]\\
'''Martin:''' ''[[[SarcasmBlind nods]]]''
** And finally, Niles gets a call from Maris, who was just bluffing with the divorce papers; she is so shocked by his decision to sign them that she agrees to withdraw them and go into couples therapy with him. And so the episode's main plot ends by colliding
comes up with a subplot about Frasier's aversion creative way to hugging other men as Niles throws get his arms around Frasier... while still covered in shaving foam. Frasier's revolted look is priceless.
* In "Chess Pains", Frasier, Daphne, and Martin meet Niles' new dog, Girl...who, it is painfully obvious
listeners to everyone ''except'' Niles, is a four-legged doppelganger for Maris--down to the ridiculously aloof and spoiled personality (and the fact that Niles seems emasculated to slave status). After [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9hG_3dGry8 an involved and multi-layered sequence where Frasier, Martin and Daphne can only stare wide-eyed at the spectacle...]]
--> '''Daphne:''' Am I the only one - \\
'''Frasier/Martin:''' No.\\
'''Daphne:''' Does Dr. Crane have any idea?\\
'''Frasier/Martin:''' No.
* "To Kill a Talking Bird":
** Frasier finally tells Niles that his dog is a substitute for Maris. Niles denies this haughtily, but then:
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh? Remember when Maris wore that pillbox hat to the Duchamps' wedding?\\
''(takes a small flowerpot and puts it on the dog's head. Niles '''faints''' from the realization)''
** One of Niles' most magnificent brotherly putdowns, as he brags about the new apartment complex he's living in:
--->'''Frasier:''' I don't think this building can be as exclusive as you said. Your doorman just waved me right through.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, he recognised you.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(preening)'' Oh! A fan of my show?\\
'''Niles:''' No. He lives in ''your'' building.
* Martin's message to future generations in "Frasier Loves Roz", as Niles records with a video camera. He can't resist trolling:
--> '''Martin''' ''(into the camera)'': My name is Martin Crane. When I made this tape, I was sixty-four years old. But ''now''...''(bulging eyes)'' '''I'm ''dead''...!'''\\
''([[DisapprovingLook Niles slumps]])''\\
'''Martin''': ''Trapped'' in a ''box'', underground...! Pretty ''scary'', huh...?! ''(EvilLaugh)''\\
'''Niles''': ''(Stops recording)'' Dad, surely you must have ''some'' message you want to leave for the Cranes of the twenty-first century--?!\\
'''Martin''': Alright, alright, I do.... ''(To camera, as Niles resumes)'' Remember to always work hard...and that family comes first. ''(Play-squirms, sighs)'' And...I have a million ''bucks''...in unmarked bills...that I took off a drug dealer, that I have stashed in my old army foot locker. The combination is Left 15...Right 32...Le--\\
''({{Beat}}, starts "choking"...and collapses in his chair.)''\\
'''Niles''' ''(focusing the camera on himself):'' Future generations... see what I had to put up with?
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHWoYoW5zWA The "bull painting" incident]] from "Our Father, Whose Art Ain't Heaven", leading to Frasier, Martin, and Niles having an epic cryfest...
call in...
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(crying)'' I made...''our father '''cry!'''''\\
'''Martin:''' ''(crying)'' [[BlatantLies
You're listening to KACL, 780 on your AM dial. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. All our lines are open, so please, give us a call. ''[{{Beat}}]'' I'm not CRYING!]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, ''I am! I'm the most--ungrateful son
just... sitting here waiting. ''[{{Beat}}]'' Hey, Seattle! Come on, I know you're out there! ''[fake laughs]'' Hey, look, I realise it's a, it's a sunny day, but, uh, on all those rainy days, ''I'' was there is!''\\
'''Martin:''' ''I can never do anything
for my sons!''\\
'''Niles:''' ''({{beat}}, then bawls)'' ''[[{{Wangst}} No one wants to come TO MY PARTY!!!]]''
* From "Taps at
''you! [{{Beat}}]'' Well! All right then. If, uh, that's the Montana":
** Niles's cockatoo [[NotInFrontOfTheParrot has an amazing gift for latching onto the wrong dialogue.]]
--->'''Cockatoo:''' AWK! Stuff
way you want it, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''Ohhhhh'' don't tempt me.
** The next time we see the cockatoo, she is lying dead on the kitchen table, so
you leave me no recourse. ''[Roz looks confused]'' Uh... ''[sings]'' [[Music/DeanMartin WHE-E-E-EN THE-E-E-E MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA-]] ''[the switchboard lights up like a Christmas tree]'' That seems to have got you going there! Okay!

[[AC:109: Selling Out]]
*
Frasier and Daphne cover her with blasting Roger (voiced by Carl Reiner), a dish towel before breaking the news listener whose "problem" is he can't decide what to Niles. Then one of name his party guests enters, having spilled wine on her blouse, and reaches for the towel. Daphne quickly pushes the towel down and says she should use something much better, as Niles hands her... a luxury yacht:
-->'''Frasier''': Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible
piece of bread. She goes along with it, describing bread scientific equipment known as "nature's sponge", but the look she exchanges with Niles afterward tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is hysterical.
* In "The Candidate", Frasier endorses a candidate for congress, calling him 'the sane choice. Later,
so powerful that candidate (Phil Paterson) reveals to Frasier that [[spoiler: [[AlienAbduction he believes he was abducted by aliens]]. In a few weeks, a scandal goes out about Paterson having illegal ''aliens'' working for him. Frasier believes that it has been made public that Paterson believes in actual aliens. [[NiceJobBreakingItHero He attempts to remedy the public's doubt by talking about it on his radio show, only for him to blow the whole 'alien abduction' thing public, too]].]]
--> '''Paterson:''' [[ThePollyanna It's OK, Frasier. Maybe I'll try running for office in California instead.]] [[TakeThat Something like this might
firing electrons you can actually help me there.]]
* From "Death
see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now... I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.

[[AC:111: Death
Becomes Him", the Him]]
* The
scene where, after spending an entire episode worrying about his mortality, [[ItMakesSenseInContext including getting Martin and Niles little labels to put on the things they want bequeathed to them]], Frasier finally calms down after a late-night talk with Martin. Just as they're heading off to bed... Martin mentions there's something on Frasier's robe. He checks, and with the utmost air of disgust... "''Niles''." (Niles had also earlier tried to trick Frasier out of pouring from a certain bottle of wine because he wanted it.)



* Any time Frasier and Niles try to be like "normal folk" (when they're not being insufferable asses).
* Martin has announced that he is going on a date with a lady who lives in the same building as them. Niles gets this little grin on his face, and Martin, without turning around, snaps "Niles, wipe that ridiculous little smirk off your face!"
* The "Nightmare Inn!" fiasco from "Ham Radio".
** Frasier's overdirection during rehearsal leads professional actor Mel White, who is playing six roles with six different accents, to RageQuit. Cue a classic example of WhoWouldBeStupidEnough:
--->'''Bulldog:''' So whadda we do now, boss?\\
'''Frasier:''' Not to worry! I have a plan! ''[picks up the phone and dials]''\\
'''Roz:''' Oh, yeah, right. We're supposed to do this thing tomorrow night! Where are you going to find an ''idiot'' willing to take six dialect parts unrehearsed?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[into phone]'' Niles!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[as she clears the dining table]'' [[ReadingTheStageDirectionsOutLoud Sound of ominous organ music indicating trouble ahead.]]
** Having helped with rehearsal, Daphne is waiting to listen to the [[FairPlayWhodunnit Whodunnit]] with Martin.
--->'''Daphne:''' I already know the plot but I'll try not to blurt out the name of the murderer.\\
'''Martin:''' Great, as a cop I hated it when people did that.
** Roz's character is a woman with a sexy, exotic accent. However, she arrives from a two-hour emergency dentist appointment with a jaw still chock full of Novocaine, so numb she keeps biting the inside of her lip. Everything comes out in a very slurred, muddled, Elmer Fudd-like mess, and it only gets worse when she has to attempt the phrase, "Multiple murderer."
** Bulldog freezes with stage fright as soon as the play begins, so Frasier improvises that his character, Wing, is now a mute who wears a bell on his head to communicate.
** Niles, seeing the script for the first time as the broadcast begins, is not happy to discover that he is playing six characters with six different accents. When he is cued to speak Pépo the dwarf's line, he is mystified as to how to get into character, and tries crouching behind the microphone before acknowledging that this won't work on radio. Finally, Frasier hands him a helium balloon, which he inhales to deliver his line.
** Immediately after Frasier delivers a line about the phone lines being cut, the phone in the studio rings; Noel, who is acting as sound effects man, does not help by answering it with "Hello, Studio 5."
** In the second act, Noel founders a bit with the music cues:
--->'''Frasier:''' Why, ''yes,'' Miss Thorndyke, it appears to be... ''[cues organ music, but calliope music comes out instead]'' ...''the ice cream truck! [Noel finally pulls out the offending tape]'' But never mind... that... ''[everybody starts dumping papers from the script]''
** Bulldog's girlfriend Maxine has one line to deliver. However, she has no acting experience, so her delivery is very awkward and wooden. More problematic, though, is her severe dyslexia...
--->'''Maxine:''' ''[screams]'' Look out! He's got a nug!
** Frasier cuts Nigel Fairservice's dying speech in the interest of time; unfortunately, Gil, who is playing Nigel, is so enamored of the line that he refuses to "die" without fishing the speech. When Frasier finally outdoes him in narrative (by claiming that the last bullet blew his head clean off his shoulders), he gives Frasier a smug look by knocking on and opening the prop door to complete it as his long lost brother (Frasier pops another balloon and claims that this extinguishes the Fairservice family entirely), and then the ice cream man from earlier (Frasier pops yet another balloon).
--->'''Daphne:''' This is turning into a '''bloodbath'''!\\
'''Martin:''' See, this is why I prefer television. You want to ''see'' that sort of stuff.
** Niles finally gets sick of Frasier's overdirection during his confession speech, and improvises [[RockFallsEveryoneDies a new ending]].
--->'''Niles:''' ''[German accent]'' All right, all right! I'm ''not'' vhat I appear! None of us is! I'm not a butler! I'm not even ''[moves to next page in script, furrows brow, and drops accent]'' German. ''[shrugs; dramatic organ sting]'' Sit down, Inspector, you're about to hear a fascinating tale. Each of us holds a piece of the puzzle... ''[gets distracted by Frasier pointing toward himself]'' to relate to you. When we've finished, you'll know the full... ''[Frasier brings his arms up in a "more" gesture]'' dark secret of Nightmare Inn.\\
'''Roz:''' Awe you thure we thould, Hanth?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[grimaces at the script]'' Be quiet, ''Mother. [Frasier points dramatically; organ sting plays]'' Mother and I moved here when I was a small boy, after the... ''[Frasier clenches his fist slowly and looks emotionally overwrought, indicating Niles should act likewise; Niles is too distracted by the gestures to process them]'' tragic death of my father. I kept the pain of that loss buried... ''[Frasier makes an anguished face and pounds his chest with his fist]'' deep within me, like a serpent... ''[getting more and more confused and angry at Frasier's gestures]'' coiled within a damp... cave- okay, that's it. ''[throws the script to the floor and grabs the balloons from the sound effect table]'' Never mind all that. I'm just going to take this gun off the table. ''[pops a balloon]'' Sorry about that O'Toole, I guess we'll never hear your fascinating piece of the puzzle. ''[pops two more balloons]'' Or yours, Kragen and Pépo! ''[mentally counts the remaining balloons as Frasier starts discarding pages of his script]'' Will the [=McAllister=] sisters stand back to back? I'm short on bullets. ''[pops another balloon]'' Thank ''you! [to Roz]'' What was your name again, dear?\\
'''Roz:''' Mith Thowndyke.\\
'''Niles:''' Thank ''you! [pops another balloon as Frasier drops more and more pages of his script]'' Ah, and also Mr. Wing. ''[pops another balloon; Noel rings the bell, then silences it as Niles points to him in gratitude; Frasier is now giving him a DeathGlare, which he returns over his final line]'' And of course, one final bullet for myself, so the mystery will die with me! ''[pops the last balloon]'' HA!
* Due to anxiety issues leading to overeating (and because actress Jane Leeves was pregnant) Daphne has become very fat, a story arc that culminates in "Hungry Heart". She falls over and hurts her ankle and it takes the three Crane men (Frasier, Niles and Martin) to lift her off the floor. Martin's innocent delivery of the following line, clearly believing Daphne will find it amusing (she doesn't), is icing on the cake.
--> '''Martin:''' Hey Daphne, I just realized something! It took three Cranes to lift you!
* In "An Affair to Forget", one of Frasier's call-in patients puts him on the trail of a possible affair between Maris and her fencing instructor, Gunter. One can't-keep-his-mouth-shut moment later, Niles is leaping to conclusions and challenging the man to a duel. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PP5wZBGMA4 Here's the entire scene]].
* From "Mixed Doubles":
** When Daphne is introducing her new boyfriend Rodney, an eerie doppelganger of Niles, to Frasier and Martin, Martin gets a call from Duke:
--->'''Martin:''' Sorry Duke, I can't talk right now; I'm in Series/TheTwilightZone!
** Later, Niles and Frasier discover that Rodney on a date at Cafe Nervosa with Niles' new girlfriend Adelle, and Niles is furious - on Daphne's behalf.
--->'''Frasier:''' Whatever you do, do not engage him in a physical fight! [[IdenticalStranger The whole thing would just look too]] ''[[IdenticalStranger weird]]''!
** As Niles leaves to break the news of Rodney's infidelity to Daphne, Frasier has one last question for him:
--->'''Frasier:''' You know, there's just one thing I'd like to ask you, Rodney... do you have an older brother?\\
'''Rodney:''' As a matter of fact, I do. ''[bitterly]'' He's always been the pride of the family. Handsome, successful, brilliant. I've always been rather jealous of him.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[smirking to himself]'' Spooky... ''[exits, leaving Rodney and Adelle thoroughly confused]''
* This part is pretty self-explanatory:
-->'''Blaine''': Now now, he has every right to be up here. He ''is'' one of God's creatures.\\
'''Frasier''' ''(defensively)'': '''I am no such thing!'''
* The climax of the episode "Dark Side of the Moon". As the other characters are captivated and horrified by the four-car pile-up caused by Daphne's [[RantInducingSlight Slight-Induced Rant]], [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone including Daphne herself]], a miffed, cold-ridden and ''completely'' oblivious Frasier walks by and says "[[WhileRomeBurns Fine! I guess I'll just have to make my OWN]] '''[[LargeHam teeeeeeaaaa!]]'''"
* Frasier's pirate accent in "Roz's Turn".
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(salty pirate voice)'' When my shipmates and I pull into port after several weeks at sea, the first thing we do is... \\
'''Niles:''' ''(into mic, imitating Frasier's accent)'' ...head for the antique sale, arrr!
* From "Caught in the Act":
** A great line of RealitySubtext:
--->'''Nanny G:''' But nothing ever changes! Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for ''twenty years''?
** Then this exchange:
--->'''Roz:''' ''(on Frasier's brief marriage with Nanny G at a children's book store)'' [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre So, uh, Nanny Gee gave you nice "hugs"?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, ''big'' hugs.\\
'''Roz:''' No kidding.\\
'''Frasier:''' We used to hug our brains out. In fact, you know, the last time we saw each other she wanted to have a little reunion hug, but alas, I was still married to Lilith and settling for my weekly handshake.
** Then there's this when Frasier and Nannette start making out wildly.
--->'''Daphne:''' ''(aside)'' Isn't she the children's entertainer?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(aside)'' Yeah. Spongebob Hotpants.
** The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abAvfLw8ROo final scene]] was so hilarious the studio audience reportedly had to be ''muted''.
* "Freudian Sleep":
** Martin and Eddie's dreams in the episode. Of course, since Martin sang a rather catchy tune in his dream, this is equal parts Funny Moment and SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic.
** There's also the way Martin allayed the other three characters' tension about their nightmares:
--->'''Martin:''' Blah blah blah. ''(To Daphne)'' Afraid you're going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone. ''(To Frasier)'' Afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family. ''(To Niles)'' Afraid you're going to be a bad father? [[SelfDeprecation Join the club]]. Now clam it up and go to sleep.\\
'''Niles:''' [[HypocriticalHumor I'm starting to regret inviting him up here]].
* This exchange from "First Do No Harm" in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. TooMuchInformation at its finest:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know, you're jealous. You're jealous that I'm having sex. Jealous that I'm having hot, passionate, sweaty jungle sex. What are you having?\\
''[he doesn't notice the waitress behind him]''\\
'''Niles:''' I'm having a latte.
* "The Innkeepers":
** The whole last third becomes a perfect storm of pratfalls, squabbling, and humiliation. The minute details they mull over in the second third are [[RewatchBonus even better after watching the whole episode]]. Their snobbish reaction when they realized they thought of the perfect name: ''Les Frères Heureux.''
---> '''Niles:''' It's friendly, inviting, yet just difficult enough to pronounce to intimidate the riffraff!
** The brothers, in fact, insist that the place will be ''really'' high-tone.
---> '''Frasier:''' Very exclusive. Unlisted number. No advertising.\\
'''Martin:''' Hey, don't stop there. Maybe you could station somebody on the roof with a machine gun to shoot at people who try to get in!
** The kitchen includes a tank of live eels, and Niles is in charge of killing one to cook it.
*** "All right, stop it! Get a grip. You're not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before in our own kitchens in our own homes! Now quick, Niles, kill five eels."
*** Niles decides to hack at an eel with a meat cleaver and is splashing like a moron.
----> '''Frasier:''' What in God's name are you doing? Just reach in there and get it over with!\\
'''Niles:''' Not until I'm sure it's dead!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''Oh, for Heaven's sake!''
*** She stalks over, yanks an eel out of the tank, whips it around to smack it against the edge of the table, shoves it in Niles' hand and goes back to the other side of the kitchen. The brothers' expression...
*** For extra laughs, pay closer attention [[SomethingElseAlsoRises to the eel Niles is holding]] after Daphne kills it.
** Then Niles asks how he's supposed to kill the rest of them them, and Frasier tells him he can throw a toaster in the tank for all he cares. Frasier goes out to attend to the customers, and the lights dim.
** The look on Frasier's face right after the explosion is hilarious.
--->'''Roz:''' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YGTlRWBolc#t=04m50s Big blue flash. Cherries... everywhere.]]
** The look on Daphne's face when the emergency sprinklers went off was also priceless.
** Only one customer was ''not'' outraged and infuriated.
---> '''Bulldog:''' [[YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame Great job, Doc!]] [[LoveableSexManiac My date's dress is stickin' to her like Saran Wrap!]]
* Want to see a magnificent actor [[LargeHam ham it]] UpToEleven? Watch Sir Creator/DerekJacobi on the stage in "The Show Must Go Off." Or even better, the end of [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YClxN6uENbg this scene]].
* "Star Mitzvah":
** Frasier asks Noel Shempski to translate his blessing for Freddie's bar mitzvah into Hebrew, and promises to get Scott Bakula's autograph in return. When he fails to do so, Noel gets revenge by [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGZV6fsotYo translating the blessing into Klingon instead.]]
** As part of the celebration, Martin digs out an old camera. Frasier and Niles hate it because it's loud, clunky, and the flash is blinding. Martin enjoys torturing the boys with the camera flash, but has only one problem with it:
--->'''Martin:''' Hasn't failed me yet! Oh, well except for that one Thanksgiving when the flash washed Lilith out so bad all you could see were her hair and eyes.\\
'''Frasier:''' That wasn't the camera's fault, Dad. That bloodless skin has confounded even the most experienced photographer.
** Later, Martin has the camera set up on a tripod. During a conversation that Frasier turns particularly awkward, he casually makes his way over to the camera, trips it, and uses the distraction by the flash to make his escape. The loudest one to cry out from the flash? ''Martin''.
** Frasier apologizes to Noel by sending him Joan Collins' wig from "[[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever The City on the Edge of Forever]]". Noel has a {{Nerdgasm}}, but Roz doesn't get it, saying, "A ''wig''? That's cruel, even for Frasier!"
** In TheStinger, we see the pictures from Martin's camera, post-development. The first few are re-creations of the pictures Martin (and Frasier) took over the course of the episode, but the last two are of Frasier lunging toward the camera, berserk with fury.
* Niles' encouragement for Freddie at the end of "War of the Words": [[SeriousBusiness "SPELL HIS ASS OFF!!!"]] The entire episode plays up "The Bee" for maximum melodrama as though it's a Samurai Code or something. Especially the "legend" of Niles Crane.
* From "A Tsar is Born", one word: "[[DrinkingGame VENEER!]]"
-->'''Sara Briggs:'''[[note]] In her capacity as presenter of ''The Antiques Roadshow''.[[/note]] But the real masterwork is the unique Art Deco headboard. It features a variety of veneers.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take a sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' Mahogany veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... burled walnut veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take yet another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... and zebra wood veneer.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' ''[now looking a bit dizzy]'' VENEER! ''[they still all take a sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' And now, back to our...\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, God... next week we gotta pick a different word.
* Lilith and Bebe both tend to fill the SitComArchNemesis role, and the regular cast get lots of excellent quips from it.
** Such as this from "The Show Where Diane Comes Back" (which wasn't actually about Lilith - Niles simply leapt to that conclusion):
--->'''Frasier''': She's back! The scourge of my existence!\\
'''Niles''': Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the walls...
** Or this for Bebe from "Roz's Turn":
--->'''Roz''': It's not like she worships the devil!\\
'''Frasier''': Well, she doesn't have to; he worships HER!
** And when Lilith hits them right back on her first appearance in "The Show Where Lilith Comes Back":
--->'''Lilith''': Congratulations, Frasier, you've done it again. You've led another unsuspecting innocent down one of your dark, dead-end Freudian hallways.\\

to:

* Any time Frasier and Niles try
[[AC:113: Guess Who's Coming
to be like "normal folk" (when they're not being insufferable asses).
Breakfast]]
* Martin has announced that he is going on a date with a lady who lives in the same building as them. Niles gets this little grin on his face, and Martin, without turning around, snaps "Niles, wipe that ridiculous little stupid smirk off your face!"
* The "Nightmare Inn!" fiasco from "Ham Radio".
** Frasier's overdirection during rehearsal leads professional actor Mel White, who is playing six roles with six different accents, to RageQuit. Cue a classic example of WhoWouldBeStupidEnough:
--->'''Bulldog:''' So whadda we do now, boss?\\
'''Frasier:''' Not to worry! I have a plan! ''[picks up the phone and dials]''\\
'''Roz:''' Oh, yeah, right. We're supposed to do this thing tomorrow night! Where are you going to find an ''idiot'' willing to take six dialect parts unrehearsed?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[into phone]'' Niles!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[as she clears the dining table]'' [[ReadingTheStageDirectionsOutLoud Sound of ominous organ music indicating trouble ahead.]]
** Having helped with rehearsal, Daphne is waiting to listen to the [[FairPlayWhodunnit Whodunnit]] with Martin.
--->'''Daphne:''' I already know the plot but I'll try not to blurt out the name of the murderer.\\
'''Martin:''' Great, as a cop I hated it when people did that.
** Roz's character is a woman with a sexy, exotic accent. However, she arrives from a two-hour emergency dentist appointment with a jaw still chock full of Novocaine, so numb she keeps biting the inside of her lip. Everything comes out in a very slurred, muddled, Elmer Fudd-like mess, and it only gets worse when she has to attempt the phrase, "Multiple murderer."
** Bulldog freezes with stage fright as soon as the play begins, so Frasier improvises that his character, Wing, is now a mute who wears a bell on his head to communicate.
** Niles, seeing the script for the first time as the broadcast begins, is not happy to discover that he is playing six characters with six different accents. When he is cued to speak Pépo the dwarf's line, he is mystified as to how to get into character, and tries crouching behind the microphone before acknowledging that this won't work on radio. Finally, Frasier hands him a helium balloon, which he inhales to deliver his line.
** Immediately after Frasier delivers a line about the phone lines being cut, the phone in the studio rings; Noel, who is acting as sound effects man, does not help by answering it with "Hello, Studio 5."
** In the second act, Noel founders a bit with the music cues:
--->'''Frasier:''' Why, ''yes,'' Miss Thorndyke, it appears to be... ''[cues organ music, but calliope music comes out instead]'' ...''the ice cream truck! [Noel finally pulls out the offending tape]'' But never mind... that... ''[everybody starts dumping papers from the script]''
** Bulldog's girlfriend Maxine has one line to deliver. However, she has no acting experience, so her delivery is very awkward and wooden. More problematic, though, is her severe dyslexia...
--->'''Maxine:''' ''[screams]'' Look out! He's got a nug!
** Frasier cuts Nigel Fairservice's dying speech in the interest of time; unfortunately, Gil, who is playing Nigel, is so enamored of the line that he refuses to "die" without fishing the speech. When Frasier finally outdoes him in narrative (by claiming that the last bullet blew his head clean off his shoulders), he gives Frasier a smug look by knocking on and opening the prop door to complete it as his long lost brother (Frasier pops another balloon and claims that this extinguishes the Fairservice family entirely), and then the ice cream man from earlier (Frasier pops yet another balloon).
--->'''Daphne:''' This is turning into a '''bloodbath'''!\\
'''Martin:''' See, this is why I prefer television. You want to ''see'' that sort of stuff.
** Niles finally gets sick
One of Frasier's overdirection during callers (voiced by Music/HenryMancini in the last of his confession speech, and improvises [[RockFallsEveryoneDies few performances as an actor rather than a new ending]].
--->'''Niles:''' ''[German accent]'' All right, all right! I'm ''not'' vhat I appear! None of us is! I'm not a butler! I'm not even ''[moves to next page in script, furrows brow, and drops accent]'' German. ''[shrugs; dramatic organ sting]'' Sit down, Inspector, you're about to hear a fascinating tale. Each of us holds a piece of the puzzle... ''[gets distracted by Frasier pointing toward himself]'' to relate to you. When we've finished, you'll know the full... ''[Frasier brings his arms up in a "more" gesture]'' dark secret of Nightmare Inn.\\
'''Roz:''' Awe you thure we thould, Hanth?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[grimaces at the script]'' Be quiet, ''Mother. [Frasier points dramatically; organ sting plays]'' Mother and I moved here when I was a small boy, after the... ''[Frasier clenches his fist slowly and looks emotionally overwrought, indicating Niles should act likewise; Niles
composer or musician) is too distracted by the gestures to process them]'' tragic death of my father. I kept the pain of lamenting that loss buried... ''[Frasier makes an anguished face and pounds his chest with his fist]'' deep within me, like a serpent... ''[getting more and more confused and angry at Frasier's gestures]'' coiled within a damp... cave- okay, that's it. ''[throws the script to the floor and grabs the balloons from he hates the sound effect table]'' Never mind all that. I'm just going to take this gun off the table. ''[pops a balloon]'' Sorry about that O'Toole, I guess we'll never hear your fascinating piece of the puzzle. ''[pops two more balloons]'' Or yours, Kragen and Pépo! ''[mentally counts the remaining balloons as Frasier starts discarding pages of his script]'' Will the [=McAllister=] sisters stand back to back? I'm short on bullets. ''[pops another balloon]'' Thank ''you! [to Roz]'' What was your name again, dear?\\
'''Roz:''' Mith Thowndyke.\\
'''Niles:''' Thank ''you! [pops another balloon as Frasier drops more and more pages of his script]'' Ah, and also Mr. Wing. ''[pops another balloon; Noel rings the bell, then silences it as Niles points to him in gratitude; Frasier is now giving him a DeathGlare, which he returns over his final line]'' And of course, one final bullet for myself, so the mystery will die with me! ''[pops the last balloon]'' HA!
* Due to anxiety issues leading to overeating (and because actress Jane Leeves was pregnant) Daphne has become very fat, a story arc that culminates in "Hungry Heart". She falls over and hurts her ankle and it takes the three Crane men (Frasier, Niles and Martin) to lift her off the floor. Martin's innocent delivery of the following line, clearly believing Daphne will find it amusing (she doesn't), is icing on the cake.
--> '''Martin:''' Hey Daphne, I just realized something! It took three Cranes to lift you!
* In "An Affair to Forget", one of Frasier's call-in patients puts him on the trail of a possible affair between Maris and her fencing instructor, Gunter. One can't-keep-his-mouth-shut moment later, Niles is leaping to conclusions and challenging the man to a duel. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PP5wZBGMA4 Here's the entire scene]].
* From "Mixed Doubles":
** When Daphne is introducing her new boyfriend Rodney, an eerie doppelganger of Niles, to
own voice; Frasier and Martin, Martin gets a call from Duke:
--->'''Martin:''' Sorry Duke, I can't talk right now; I'm in Series/TheTwilightZone!
** Later, Niles and Frasier discover that Rodney on a date at Cafe Nervosa with Niles' new girlfriend Adelle, and Niles is furious - on Daphne's behalf.
--->'''Frasier:''' Whatever you do, do not engage him in a physical fight! [[IdenticalStranger The whole thing would just look too]] ''[[IdenticalStranger weird]]''!
** As Niles leaves to break the news of Rodney's infidelity to Daphne, Frasier has one last question for him:
--->'''Frasier:''' You know, there's just one thing I'd like to ask you, Rodney... do you have an older brother?\\
'''Rodney:''' As a matter of fact, I do. ''[bitterly]'' He's always been the pride of the family. Handsome, successful, brilliant. I've always been rather jealous of him.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[smirking to himself]'' Spooky... ''[exits, leaving Rodney and Adelle thoroughly confused]''
* This part is pretty self-explanatory:
-->'''Blaine''': Now now, he has every right to be up here. He ''is'' one of God's creatures.\\
'''Frasier''' ''(defensively)'': '''I am no such thing!'''
* The climax of the episode "Dark Side of the Moon". As the other characters are captivated and horrified by the four-car pile-up caused by Daphne's [[RantInducingSlight Slight-Induced Rant]], [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone including Daphne herself]], a miffed, cold-ridden and ''completely'' oblivious Frasier walks by and says "[[WhileRomeBurns Fine! I guess I'll just have to make my OWN]] '''[[LargeHam teeeeeeaaaa!]]'''"
* Frasier's pirate accent in "Roz's Turn".
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(salty pirate voice)'' When my shipmates and I pull into port after several weeks at sea, the first thing we do is... \\
'''Niles:''' ''(into mic, imitating Frasier's accent)'' ...head for the antique sale, arrr!
* From "Caught in the Act":
** A great line of RealitySubtext:
--->'''Nanny G:''' But nothing ever changes! Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for ''twenty years''?
** Then this exchange:
--->'''Roz:''' ''(on Frasier's brief marriage with Nanny G at a children's book store)'' [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre So, uh, Nanny Gee gave you nice "hugs"?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, ''big'' hugs.\\
'''Roz:''' No kidding.\\
'''Frasier:''' We used to hug our brains out. In fact, you know, the last time we saw each other she wanted to have a little reunion hug, but alas, I was still married to Lilith and settling for my weekly handshake.
** Then there's this when Frasier and Nannette start making out wildly.
--->'''Daphne:''' ''(aside)'' Isn't she the children's entertainer?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(aside)'' Yeah. Spongebob Hotpants.
** The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abAvfLw8ROo final scene]] was so hilarious the studio audience reportedly had to be ''muted''.
* "Freudian Sleep":
** Martin and Eddie's dreams in the episode. Of course, since Martin sang a rather catchy tune in his dream, this is equal parts Funny Moment and SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic.
** There's also the way Martin allayed the other three characters' tension about their nightmares:
--->'''Martin:''' Blah blah blah. ''(To Daphne)'' Afraid you're going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone. ''(To Frasier)'' Afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family. ''(To Niles)'' Afraid you're going to be a bad father? [[SelfDeprecation Join the club]]. Now clam it up and go to sleep.\\
'''Niles:''' [[HypocriticalHumor I'm starting to regret inviting him up here]].
* This exchange from "First Do No Harm" in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. TooMuchInformation at its finest:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know, you're jealous. You're jealous that I'm having sex. Jealous that I'm having hot, passionate, sweaty jungle sex. What are you having?\\
''[he doesn't notice the waitress behind him]''\\
'''Niles:''' I'm having a latte.
* "The Innkeepers":
** The whole last third becomes a perfect storm of pratfalls, squabbling, and humiliation. The minute details they mull over in the second third are [[RewatchBonus even better after watching the whole episode]]. Their snobbish reaction when they realized they thought of the perfect name: ''Les Frères Heureux.''
---> '''Niles:''' It's friendly, inviting, yet just difficult enough to pronounce to intimidate the riffraff!
** The brothers, in fact, insist that the place will be ''really'' high-tone.
---> '''Frasier:''' Very exclusive. Unlisted number. No advertising.\\
'''Martin:''' Hey,
Roz clearly don't stop there. Maybe you could station somebody on the roof with a machine gun to shoot at people who try to get in!
** The kitchen includes a tank of live eels, and Niles is in charge of killing one to cook it.
*** "All right, stop it! Get a grip. You're not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before in our own kitchens in our own homes! Now quick, Niles, kill five eels."
*** Niles decides to hack at an eel with a meat cleaver and is splashing
like a moron.
----> '''Frasier:''' What in God's name are you doing? Just reach in there and get
it over with!\\
'''Niles:''' Not until I'm sure it's dead!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''Oh, for Heaven's sake!''
*** She stalks over, yanks an eel out of the tank, whips it around to smack it against the edge of the table, shoves it in Niles' hand and goes back to the other side of the kitchen. The brothers' expression...
*** For extra laughs, pay closer
either, as they have long since stopped paying attention [[SomethingElseAlsoRises to the eel Niles is holding]] after Daphne kills it.
** Then Niles asks how he's supposed to kill the rest of them them, and
caller. Frasier tells him he can throw sticks a toaster backscratcher in the tank for all he cares. Frasier goes out to attend to the customers, and the lights dim.
** The look on Frasier's face right after the explosion is hilarious.
--->'''Roz:''' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YGTlRWBolc#t=04m50s Big blue flash. Cherries... everywhere.]]
** The look on Daphne's face when the emergency sprinklers went off was also priceless.
** Only one customer was ''not'' outraged and infuriated.
---> '''Bulldog:''' [[YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame Great job, Doc!]] [[LoveableSexManiac My date's dress is stickin' to her like Saran Wrap!]]
* Want to see a magnificent actor [[LargeHam ham it]] UpToEleven? Watch Sir Creator/DerekJacobi on the stage in "The Show Must Go Off." Or even better,
the end of [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YClxN6uENbg this scene]].
* "Star Mitzvah":
** Frasier asks Noel Shempski to translate
his blessing for Freddie's bar mitzvah into Hebrew, and promises to get Scott Bakula's autograph in return. When he fails to do so, Noel gets revenge by [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGZV6fsotYo translating the blessing into Klingon instead.]]
** As part of the celebration, Martin digs out an old camera. Frasier and Niles hate it because it's loud, clunky, and the flash is blinding. Martin enjoys torturing the boys with the camera flash, but has only one problem with it:
--->'''Martin:''' Hasn't failed me yet! Oh, well except for that one Thanksgiving when the flash washed Lilith out so bad all you could see were her hair and eyes.\\
'''Frasier:''' That wasn't the camera's fault, Dad. That bloodless skin has confounded even the most experienced photographer.
** Later, Martin has the camera set up on a tripod. During a conversation that Frasier turns particularly awkward, he casually makes his way over to the camera, trips it, and uses the distraction by the flash to make his escape. The loudest one to cry out from the flash? ''Martin''.
** Frasier apologizes to Noel by sending him Joan Collins' wig from "[[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever The City on the Edge of Forever]]". Noel has a {{Nerdgasm}}, but Roz doesn't get it, saying, "A ''wig''? That's cruel, even for Frasier!"
** In TheStinger, we see the pictures from Martin's camera, post-development. The first few are re-creations of the pictures Martin (and Frasier) took over the course of the episode, but the last two are of Frasier lunging toward the camera, berserk with fury.
* Niles' encouragement for Freddie at the end of "War of the Words": [[SeriousBusiness "SPELL HIS ASS OFF!!!"]] The entire episode plays up "The Bee" for maximum melodrama
sleeve as though it's a Samurai Code or something. Especially his hand and taps on the "legend" glass of Niles Crane.
* From "A Tsar is Born",
Roz' booth, making her laugh as he holds his backscratcher hand to his face in a thoughtful gesture and then scratches his underarm with it; Roz then goes one word: "[[DrinkingGame VENEER!]]"
-->'''Sara Briggs:'''[[note]] In her capacity as presenter of ''The Antiques Roadshow''.[[/note]] But
better by sticking the real masterwork is the unique Art Deco headboard. It features a variety of veneers.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take a sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' Mahogany veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... burled walnut veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take yet another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... and zebra wood veneer.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' ''[now looking a bit dizzy]'' VENEER! ''[they still all take a sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' And now, back to our...\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, God... next week we gotta pick a different word.
* Lilith and Bebe both tend to fill the SitComArchNemesis role, and the regular cast get lots of excellent quips
chopsticks from it.
** Such
her Chinese take-away lunch in her mouth as this though they're walrus tusks and completes the impression by flapping her elbows as though they're flippers, and soon it's all Frasier and Roz can do to keep the caller from finding out how hard they're laughing at each other's antics.

[[AC:114: Can't Buy Me Love]]
* The bachelor auction is pure hilarity. The ladies in the audience are variously described as a "Rotweiler pit" and "like sharks at a feeding frenzy". As Martin enters while "public television's own cute and cuddly Mr. Science" is being bid on, we can hear the announcer shouting "Please, please, keep articles of clothing off the stage!" Seahawks linebacker T.J.
"The Show Where Diane Comes Back" (which wasn't actually about Lilith - Niles simply leapt to Enforcer" Smith, whom Martin says has put two quarterbacks in the hospital so far that conclusion):
--->'''Frasier''': She's back! The scourge of my existence!\\
'''Niles''': Strange, I usually get some sign
season, is utterly petrified when Lilith his number is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the walls...
** Or this for Bebe from "Roz's Turn":
--->'''Roz''': It's not like she worships the devil!\\
'''Frasier''': Well, she doesn't have to; he worships HER!
** And
called, and even more so when Lilith hits them right back on a woman with "this crazed look in her first appearance in "The eye" buys him; inevitably, said woman turns out to be Roz. When Frasier comes off stage, he says the last thing he can remember is someone shouting "Shake your money maker!"

[[AC:116: The
Show Where Lilith Comes Back":
--->'''Lilith''':
Back]]
* Lilith's role as a SitcomArchNemesis is established in her very first appearance; while this usually takes the form of quips directed ''at'' her, her very first line is a classic quip ''from'' her.
-->'''Lilith''':
Congratulations, Frasier, you've done it again. You've led another unsuspecting innocent down one of your dark, dead-end Freudian hallways.\\



'''Lilith''': (perplexed) What do you mean, "celebrity"?\\
'''Frasier''': (darkly) Oh, they know you.\\

to:

'''Lilith''': (perplexed) ''[perplexed]'' What do you mean, "celebrity"?\\
'''Frasier''': (darkly) ''[darkly]'' Oh, they know you.\\



* The [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaK-R-VaYnY&t=5m2s scene in Bebe's hotel room]] from "The Devil and Dr. Phil".
* From the episode "Crock Tales," we get this gem of PurpleProse even by Niles' standards:
-->'''Niles''': Last night, Daphne and I engaged in sweet carnal delights.\\
''(because of the way he pronounced it, though, Martin just has to ask)''\\
'''Martin''': Did you say "carnal" or "caramel"?
* The entire second half of "The Ski Lodge", the series' most explicit homage to the farces of writers like Georges Feydeau. Frasier persuades Roz to give him the ski lodge weekend she has won in a church raffle, and takes along Niles, Martin, Daphne, and Daphne's DumbBlonde friend Annie; the weekend includes ski lessons from French former Olympian Guy. Niles (in the early stages of divorcing Maris) is more determined than ever to pursue Daphne, who is more interested in Guy; meanwhile, Annie has her eye on Niles, while Frasier is hoping to seduce Annie. And as for Guy... he's especially interested in Niles. All it takes is Martin's cold-induced hearing impairment leading to a few miscommunications and Daphne and Annie accidentally going into each other's bedrooms in front of Frasier and Niles, then swapping back after the brothers have gone into their own rooms, and the stage is set for a series of doors opening and closing and shock discoveries of the wrong people in the wrong beds in states of undress. As if that weren't enough, Guy interprets Daphne's attempts to keep Annie away from Niles (due to her history as a maneater) as a sign that they're in a lesbian relationship. Everything gets topped off by Frasier's perfect summation:
-->'''Frasier:''' Let me see if I can get this straight. All the lust coursing through this lodge tonight, all the hormones virtually ricocheting off the walls, and ''no one...was chasing me? [everyone else absorbs this]'' See you at breakfast.[[note]] In TheStinger, Annie tries knocking on Frasier's door with a bottle of spirits, but returns to her room, deflated... unaware that he had just stepped out to the kitchen for a moment.[[/note]]
* From "Selling Out", Frasier blasting Roger (voiced by Carl Reiner), a listener whose "problem" is he can't decide what to name his luxury yacht:
-->'''Frasier''': Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now... I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.
* The title character in "Flour Child", a bag of flour Niles "adopts" as a child to see how he would fare as a parent. Especially funny when it gets run through with a sword, drop-kicked into the reflecting pool, and eaten by Eddie. And Eddie ripping the 'flour child' apart in puffs of flour as Daphne looks mildly on and declares in an Australian accent, "[[Film/ACryInTheDark 'At dingo's got yer baby...]]"

to:


[[AC:117: A Mid-Winter Night's Dream]]
* The [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaK-R-VaYnY&t=5m2s scene in Bebe's hotel room]] from "The Devil Daphne has accompanied Niles back to Maris' house to help the duo reconcile after a fight. As the romantic tension between Niles and Dr. Phil".
* From
Daphne reaches its zenith, with the episode "Crock Tales," we get two of them curled up in front of the fire as each consoles the other over their recent romantic setbacks, a Glockenspiel clock which Niles and Maris bought on their honeymoon and which has been silent for years suddenly revives, leading to this gem of PurpleProse even by from Daphne:
-->'''Daphne:''' [[DoubleEntendre Dr. Crane, your glockenspiel has sprung to life!]]

[[AC:119: Give Him the Chair!]]
* Frasier throws out Martin's chair while he's out and has to get him a new one before he gets back. He goes with Niles to the furniture store and fumble their way around before finally setting on a chair. No one is exactly pleased with the chair until the showman turns on the massage.
**
Niles' standards:
-->'''Niles''': Last night, Daphne and I engaged
reaction in sweet carnal delights.the store is funny enough...
--->'''Niles:''' I never knew a chair could be this satisfying! ...I never knew that ''anything'' could! ...I want it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Right, Niles. I'm sure it would fit in with all of Maris' eighteenth-century antiques.
\\
''(because of the way he pronounced it, though, Martin '''Niles:''' Well, I'll just has to ask)''\\
'''Martin''': Did you say "carnal" or "caramel"?
* The entire second half of "The Ski Lodge",
rent it an apartment and visit it on the series' most explicit homage to the farces of writers like Georges Feydeau. Frasier persuades Roz to give him the ski lodge weekend she has won in a church raffle, and takes along Niles, Martin, Daphne, and side!
** ... but it's topped by
Daphne's DumbBlonde friend Annie; reaction once it's back in the weekend includes ski lessons from French former Olympian Guy. Niles (in apartment.
--->'''Daphne:''' This is comfy, although it's a little on
the early stages of divorcing Maris) soft side, and I prefer- [[SomethingElseAlsoRises ...hello!... oh, oh!... ooh, this is more determined than ever enough to pursue Daphne, who is more interested in Guy; meanwhile, Annie has her eye on Niles, while Frasier is hoping to seduce Annie. And as make me give up me search for Guy... he's especially interested in Niles. All it takes is a meaningful relationship!]]\\
''(someone approaches)''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, oh, quick! That's dad! Get out, get out, get out!!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''(clearly annoyed)'' Oh, alright! Just like a man: now you've had your fun, you don't care where I am!
** Then there's
Martin's cold-induced hearing impairment leading to a few miscommunications and Daphne and Annie accidentally going into each other's bedrooms in front of reaction.
--->'''Martin:''' ''(beat)'' '''''That's DISGUSTING!'''''

[[AC:123:
Frasier and Niles, then swapping back after the brothers have gone into their own rooms, and the stage is set for a series of doors opening and closing and shock discoveries of the wrong people Crane's Day Off]]
* The third act,
in the wrong beds in states of undress. As if that weren't enough, Guy interprets Daphne's attempts to keep Annie away from Niles (due to her history as a maneater) as a sign that they're in a lesbian relationship. Everything gets topped off by Frasier's perfect summation:
-->'''Frasier:''' Let me see if I can get this straight. All the lust coursing through this lodge tonight, all the hormones virtually ricocheting off the walls, and ''no one...was chasing me? [everyone else absorbs this]'' See you at breakfast.[[note]] In TheStinger, Annie tries knocking on Frasier's door with a bottle of spirits, but
which Frasier returns to her room, deflated... unaware that he had just stepped out his studio drugged to the kitchen for a moment.[[/note]]
* From "Selling Out",
gills on prescription drugs because he believes that Niles is trying to steal his radio slot, and chaos ensues. As Niles put it:
-->'''Niles:''' [as security chase
Frasier blasting Roger (voiced by Carl Reiner), a listener whose "problem" is he can't decide what to name his luxury yacht:
-->'''Frasier''': Roger, at Cornell University
past the booth] Bravo, Frasier, for so brilliantly demonstrating why they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now... I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.
call it "dope"!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 2]]
[[AC:204: Flour Child]]
* The title character in "Flour Child", is a bag of flour Niles "adopts" as a child to see how he would fare as a parent. Especially funny when it gets run through with a sword, drop-kicked into the reflecting pool, and eaten by Eddie. And Eddie ripping the 'flour child' apart in puffs of flour as Daphne looks mildly on and declares in an Australian accent, "[[Film/ACryInTheDark 'At dingo's got yer baby...]]"



* In "Murder Most Maris", Frasier (in a horrified-sounding voice) milking the fact that he was "recently--PUNCHED in the face...''by a man now dead''!" to distract from an argument is pretty funny. The fact that it ''works'' is even funnier. That he does it ''twice more'' through the episode and it works ''every single time''? Crowning Moment.
* From "To Tell the Truth":
-->'''Niles:''' That's it. I've lost. Maris has won...Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That why Niles lives in the Shangri-La and drives a [[FelonyMisdemeanor HATCHBACK!]]
* From "Frasier's Imaginary Friend", Frasier's climactic rant of "I AM NOT CRAZY! I am dating a supermodel zoologist, whom I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galapagos Islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! Now is that so hard to believe?!" And when said supermodel-zoologist storms away in disgust at his efforts to prove such...Frasier takes the "glass half-full" view, as he swaggers past the gang, turns to them, and smirks, "''Well''...! Whadaya think o' me ''now''...?"
* From "Cheerful Goodbyes," Phil (played by Phil Perlman, Rhea's father) stands up to offer a toast.
-->'''Phil:''' I just wanna thank you Cliff, for all the great times we had at Cheers.\\
'''Cliff:''' You were always there for me, Al.\\
'''Phil:''' I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch![[note]] A reference to Al Rosen, who played a barfly in the early series of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' before his death in 1990 - fourteen years, indeed, before this episode was recorded.[[/note]]
* "Dinner Party", ''the entire episode'' is one long string of Crowning Moments building up to future Crowning Moments. To recap some of them:
** The brothers agree they can each black ball three guests they don't want at the titular party. When Frasier throws in a fourth ball, Niles catches on and reaches into the bowl.
--->'''Niles''': This is a dried-up old fig! \\
'''Frasier:''' So is Lucy Cromwell, I don't want her at my party.
** They call the Walburts to invite them, but when Mrs. Walburt doesn't hang up properly they overhear her saying it doesn't matter which "Dr. Crane" invited them, "you get the one you get that other one. Personally I think the whole thing is a little..."
** At first, Niles tries to pass it off as a compliment.
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh? Is there a ''good'' end to that sentence?! "Personally, I think the whole thing is a little ''charming''"?!
** Cue the pair arguing over who's "the one" and who's "that other one".
--->'''Frasier:''' Perhaps she has a point. Ever since your divorce you have become more and more attached to me. Maybe that's why she said what she said.\\
'''Niles:''' What?\\
'''Frasier:''' You get Frasier, you get that Niles!\\
'''Niles:''' She didn't say that. She said "you get the one, you get that other one." What makes you think that you're the one and I'm that other one?!\\
'''Frasier:''' I am the one giving the party, and you are that other one!\\
'''Niles:''' I'm the one that invited her, so that makes you that other one!\\
''later, after some more arguing''\\
'''Niles:''' This is absurd! Why don't we just call Allison up and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us? We can both get her on an extension.\\
'''Frasier:''' Great idea, Niles! Better yet, why don't we just get on a bicycle built for two, ride over there and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us!
** It culminates in this:
--->'''Niles:''' Why is Joaquin on such a strict diet?\\
'''Frasier:''' Because the Joaquin they're bringing to dinner is... their foster child! From a tiny village on the pampas. He speaks no English and he gets nauseated when he eats American food!\\
'''Niles:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint So, he's not the conductor of the Buenos Aires Philharmonic?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(beat)'' '''''Oh, you are SO "that other one"!'''''
** They ask Martin:
--->'''Frasier:''' Dad, do you think we're odd? \\
''({{beat}})'' \\
'''Martin:''' No, you're not odd. You're just "special". Your mother told me that when you were kids and I still believe it.
** This also sets up TheStinger when Martin tells the two about two eccentric brothers who shared a New York apartment and built a maze out of newspapers that one got lost in and died. After bidding farewell to Niles, Frasier takes a stack of newspapers out for recycling.
** Frasier summing up their condition when their favorite guests have to cancel.
--->'''Niles:''' So where does that leave us? \\
'''Frasier:''' Well, let's see... we have a third-rate caterer with a record, a couple of lushes, a couple who think we're both nutcases, an Argentine wild child and Roz! ''(throws down list)'' Dinner is served!
** The party plans become such a disaster that Niles has no choice but to ''black ball himself''.
** The B-story features Daphne and Roz going to an embassy ball. A stain on one of the dresses forces them to deal with who will wear the elegant LittleBlackDress and who will wear the more... suggestive dress. Predictably, guess who wears the latter dress?
--->'''Daphne:''' Doesn't she look beautiful!\\
'''Roz:''' ''(extremely annoyed)'' Oh, shut it, Daphne! I know you think I look like a hooker.\\
'''Daphne:''' No, I said it made ''me'' look like a hooker. On you... well, it works!

to:


[[AC:207: The Candidate]]
* In "Murder Most Maris", Frasier (in endorses a horrified-sounding voice) milking the fact candidate for congress, calling him 'the sane choice. Later, that candidate (Phil Paterson) reveals to Frasier that [[spoiler: [[AlienAbduction he believes he was "recently--PUNCHED in the face...''by abducted by aliens]]. In a man now dead''!" to distract from an argument is pretty funny. The fact few weeks, a scandal goes out about Paterson having illegal ''aliens'' working for him. Frasier believes that it ''works'' is even funnier. That he does it ''twice more'' through the episode and it works ''every single time''? Crowning Moment.
* From "To Tell the Truth":
-->'''Niles:''' That's it. I've lost. Maris
has won...Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That why Niles lives in the Shangri-La and drives a [[FelonyMisdemeanor HATCHBACK!]]
* From "Frasier's Imaginary Friend", Frasier's climactic rant of "I AM NOT CRAZY! I am dating a supermodel zoologist, whom I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galapagos Islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! Now is
been made public that so hard Paterson believes in actual aliens. [[NiceJobBreakingItHero He attempts to believe?!" And when said supermodel-zoologist storms away in disgust at remedy the public's doubt by talking about it on his efforts to prove such...Frasier takes the "glass half-full" view, as he swaggers past the gang, turns to them, and smirks, "''Well''...! Whadaya think o' me ''now''...?"
* From "Cheerful Goodbyes," Phil (played by Phil Perlman, Rhea's father) stands up to offer a toast.
-->'''Phil:''' I just wanna thank you Cliff,
radio show, only for all the great times we had at Cheers.\\
'''Cliff:''' You were always there for me, Al.\\
'''Phil:''' I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch![[note]] A reference
him to Al Rosen, who played a barfly in the early series of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' before his death in 1990 - fourteen years, indeed, before this episode was recorded.[[/note]]
* "Dinner Party", ''the entire episode'' is one long string of Crowning Moments building up to future Crowning Moments. To recap some of them:
** The brothers agree they can each black ball three guests they don't want at the titular party. When Frasier throws in a fourth ball, Niles catches on and reaches into the bowl.
--->'''Niles''': This is a dried-up old fig! \\
'''Frasier:''' So is Lucy Cromwell, I don't want her at my party.
** They call the Walburts to invite them, but when Mrs. Walburt doesn't hang up properly they overhear her saying it doesn't matter which "Dr. Crane" invited them, "you get the one you get that other one. Personally I think
blow the whole 'alien abduction' thing is a little..."
** At first, Niles tries to pass it off as a compliment.
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh? Is there a ''good'' end to
public, too]].]]
--> '''Paterson:''' [[ThePollyanna It's OK, Frasier. Maybe I'll try running for office in California instead.]] [[TakeThat Something like this might actually help me there.]]

[[AC:209: Adventures in Paradise, Part 2]]
* Lilith reveals
that sentence?! "Personally, I think the whole thing is she's getting remarried. Everyone stares at her for a little ''charming''"?!
** Cue the pair arguing over who's "the one" and who's "that
moment until she clarifies that it's to someone other one".
--->'''Frasier:''' Perhaps she has a point. Ever since your divorce you have become more
than Frasier. Martin then throws his cane aside and more attached to me. Maybe that's why she said what she said.\\
'''Niles:''' What?\\
'''Frasier:''' You get Frasier, you get that Niles!\\
'''Niles:''' She didn't say that. She said "you get
staggers halfway across the one, you get that other one." What makes you think that you're the one and I'm that other one?!\\
'''Frasier:''' I am the one giving the party, and you are that other one!\\
'''Niles:''' I'm the one that invited her, so that makes you that other one!\\
''later, after some more arguing''\\
'''Niles:'''
room to hug her. This is absurd! Why don't we just call Allison up and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us? We can both get her on an extension.\\
'''Frasier:''' Great idea, Niles! Better yet, why don't we just get on a bicycle built for two, ride over there and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us!
** It culminates in this:
--->'''Niles:''' Why is Joaquin on such a strict diet?\\
'''Frasier:''' Because
probably the Joaquin they're bringing to dinner is... their foster child! From a tiny village on the pampas. He speaks no English and he gets nauseated when he eats American food!\\
'''Niles:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint So,
fastest he's not ever moved on the conductor of the Buenos Aires Philharmonic?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(beat)'' '''''Oh, you are SO "that other one"!'''''
** They ask Martin:
--->'''Frasier:''' Dad, do you think we're odd? \\
''({{beat}})'' \\
'''Martin:''' No, you're not odd. You're just "special". Your mother told me that when you were kids and I still believe it.
** This also sets up TheStinger when Martin tells the two about two eccentric brothers who shared a New York apartment and built a maze out of newspapers that one got lost in and died. After bidding farewell to Niles, Frasier takes a stack of newspapers out for recycling.
** Frasier summing up their condition when their favorite guests have to cancel.
--->'''Niles:''' So where does that leave us? \\
'''Frasier:''' Well, let's see... we have a third-rate caterer with a record, a couple of lushes, a couple who think we're both nutcases, an Argentine wild child and Roz! ''(throws down list)'' Dinner is served!
** The party plans become such a disaster that Niles has no choice but to ''black ball himself''.
** The B-story features Daphne and Roz going to an embassy ball. A stain on one of the dresses forces them to deal with who will wear the elegant LittleBlackDress and who will wear the more... suggestive dress. Predictably, guess who wears the latter dress?
--->'''Daphne:''' Doesn't she look beautiful!\\
'''Roz:''' ''(extremely annoyed)'' Oh, shut it, Daphne! I know you think I look like a hooker.\\
'''Daphne:''' No, I said it made ''me'' look like a hooker. On you... well, it works!
show.



* "The Show Where Diane Comes Back":
** Frasier's reaction when he finds out Diane is back is priceless. It is so ridiculously over the top.
--->''[in the background, Roz is on the phone, looking worried]''\\

to:


[[AC:216: The Show Where Sam Shows Up]]
* "The Sam's fiancee admits to having sex with members of Cheers. Frasier slept with her as well, but he's afraid Sam will be upset if he found out. However, she says that she was embarrassed about sleeping with Paul (the dumpy balding barfly). Sam is... sort of... okay with that. But then:
-->'''Sam:''' Cliff? ''Cliff''... you? You slept with ''Cliff''? '''''CLIFF?!''''' Oh no, that's it, wedding's ''off''! ''(storms away)'' Cliff - '''''oh, God!''''' \\
'''Sheila:''' Whoa... Frasier, you've got to help me. You've got to talk to him.\\
''(Frasier sits down on the couch, in full HeroicBSOD)''\\
'''Frasier:''' I slept with a woman who slept with Cliff?!
* During TheStinger, Frasier is castigating himself, "Cliff? Cliff?! CLIFF?!?!" (You don't hear him say anything, but the lip-reading isn't too difficult.)

[[AC:221: An Affair to Forget]]
* One of Frasier's call-in patients puts him on the trail of a possible affair between Maris and her fencing instructor, Gunter. One can't-keep-his-mouth-shut moment later, Niles is leaping to conclusions and challenging the man to a duel. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PP5wZBGMA4 Here's the entire scene]].

[[AC:223: The Innkeepers]]
* The whole last third becomes a perfect storm of pratfalls, squabbling, and humiliation. The minute details they mull over in the second third are [[RewatchBonus even better after watching the whole episode]]. Their snobbish reaction when they realized they thought of the perfect name: ''Les Frères Heureux.''
--> '''Niles:''' It's friendly, inviting, yet just difficult enough to pronounce to intimidate the riffraff!
* The brothers, in fact, insist that the place will be ''really'' high-tone.
---> '''Frasier:''' Very exclusive. Unlisted number. No advertising.\\
'''Martin:''' Hey, don't stop there. Maybe you could station somebody on the roof with a machine gun to shoot at people who try to get in!
* The kitchen includes a tank of live eels, and Niles is in charge of killing one to cook it.
** "All right, stop it! Get a grip. You're not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before in our own kitchens in our own homes! Now quick, Niles, kill five eels."
** Niles decides to hack at an eel with a meat cleaver and is splashing like a moron.
---> '''Frasier:''' What in God's name are you doing? Just reach in there and get it over with!\\
'''Niles:''' Not until I'm sure it's dead!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''Oh, for Heaven's sake!''
** She stalks over, yanks an eel out of the tank, whips it around to smack it against the edge of the table, shoves it in Niles' hand and goes back to the other side of the kitchen. The brothers' expression...
** For extra laughs, pay closer attention [[SomethingElseAlsoRises to the eel Niles is holding]] after Daphne kills it.
* Then Niles asks how he's supposed to kill the rest of them them, and Frasier tells him he can throw a toaster in the tank for all he cares. Frasier goes out to attend to the customers, and the lights dim.
* The look on Frasier's face right after the explosion is hilarious.
-->'''Roz:''' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YGTlRWBolc#t=04m50s Big blue flash. Cherries... everywhere.]]
* The look on Daphne's face when the emergency sprinklers went off was also priceless.
* Only one customer was ''not'' outraged and infuriated.
--> '''Bulldog:''' [[YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame Great job, Doc!]] [[LoveableSexManiac My date's dress is stickin' to her like Saran Wrap!]]

[[AC:224: Dark Victory]]
* Niles tries to go home during a blackout, but soon after comes back to the apartment gasping heavily and looking terrified.
-->'''Niles:''' Nineteen floors--down to my car!--Garage door's electric!--Can't open!--Twenty floors back up!--Lost count!--Bad lady upstairs!--Big dog!--''Need place to die!''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 3]]
[[AC:301: She's the Boss]]
* A side arc revolves around Niles trying to get a gun for defense, as the security at his house is screwing up. The second time he appears, he's bought a ''starter's pistol'', and while explaining to Martin that it gives Maris a sense of safety, he accidentally fires it. Frasier (who's been spending the entire scene trying to get some sleep) runs out of his room [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvMZ6GADNpY#t=318s freaking out about what just happened.]]
-->'''Martin''': Niles bought a starter's pistol. \\
'''Niles''': And there's no need to get snippy, accidents happen, you know. \\
'''Frasier''': I'm sorry, was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be '''''GUNPLAY IN MY LIVING ROOM!'''''
* Frasier is once again forced to sleep days, and Eddie - who is wearing a protective dog collar - starts barking upstairs at the dog who injured him. This causes Frasier to explode as well.
-->'''Frasier:''' I asked you to keep that dog quiet and instead you '''''OUTFIT HIM WITH A MEGAPHONE!'''''
* When Frasier rages at Daphne with incredibly misogynistic insults, Martin marvels at Daphne for keeping her cool. She calmly says that it's part of her job. However, she calls Eddie to take a walk with a ''very'' loud whistle, causing Frasier to scream in pain offscreen.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC5rp7PJ8DQ Frasier's...raunchy broadcast.]] He and Roz decide to rebel against new station boss Kate Costas' decision to put them in a very early morning slot unless he agrees to give priority to the "juicier" calls.
-->'''Frasier:''' In other words, '''''WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT SEX?''''' Sex, sex, ''sex sex sex sex sex''!
** The part where Frasier starts stripping in the booth:
--->'''Roz:''' While Dr. Crane strips, our new station manager would like to know if you prefer to be the spanker or the spankee?\\
'''Caller:''' Oh, definitely the spanker.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, then hop in a cab! I'm not wearing any pants! ''[swings them above his head as Roz whoops]''
** "While Roz laces up her leather bustier, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL, all talk, all night, all naked!"
* The end credits where Martin is having trouble with the TV, so Daphne puts Eddie on it to fix the reception.

[[AC:302: Shrink Rap]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTHjJZaKWOE#t=4m21s Frasier and Niles start a clinic together]]. After they get on each other's nerves too much, they walk out from the therapy session they're holding to have a discussion outside, and we get this gem:
-->'''Niles:''' I'm warning you, Frasier, I have made a fist and I am thinking of using it!\\
'''Frasier:''' You are not scaring me--the thumb goes on the outside, Niles!
* This exchange:
-->'''Niles:''' How dare you try to steal my group!\\
'''Frasier:''' I don't need your group! I've got a group of my own, half a million strong!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh yes, your legions! Why don't you rent a farm, pass out the body paint and call it [=FrasierStock=]!
* Frasier finally wins the long running feud over where the place their ornamental plant by throwing it out of the window:
-->'''Frasier:''' NOW IT'LL GET ALL THE FRESH AIR IT NEEDS!!!

[[AC:307: The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl]]
* The whole sequence where Frasier and Kate's lovemaking session is broadcast over the airwaves is hilarious, but the most priceless scene is the look of absolute horror on Niles' face as he listens on his car radio:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[on radio]'' Oh, ''yes!''... oh no, is that the "On Air" light!?\\
'''Kate:''' ''[loud whisper]'' Stop talking!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[not quite whispering]'' You must have hit the switch with your elbow while we were-\\
'''Kate:''' ''[louder whisper]'' Stop talking!\\
'''Frasier:''' We'd better hurry up and get dressed while we still-\\
'''Niles:''' ''[to radio]'' STOP - TALKING! ''[he looks back through his windscreen and slams on the brakes, but too late; he hits the vehicle in front of him, deploying his airbags]''

[[AC:309: Frasier Grinch]]
* There's a Christmas-time delivery mixup between Frasier and a Mr. ''Franklin'' Crane who lives on the other side of the continent. The educational toy Frasier had picked out months ago has gone to the wrong address:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(aghast)'' Do you know what this means?!\\
'''Niles:''' ''(ready to laugh)'' Yes. The Cranes in Maine have got your Living Brain!
* Frasier tries to read a Christmas parable he has written while the KACL Christmas party is going on around him; with Roz having been dismissed early, Gil and Bulldog more than pick up the slack when it comes to trying to derail the story. After winding lights and tinsel around him doesn't do the trick, Gil slips out while Bulldog pulls out his lighter and tries to set Frasier's script on fire:
-->'''Frasier:''' One ''[blows out Bulldog's light]'' night, one ''[blows out the lighter again]'' windy night...
* Gil returns with Candy Cane, a Santa-themed stripper Bulldog hired for the party; as she performs, Frasier just about finishes stumbling through the rest of his parable with his dignity mostly intact, then turns to leave, only to come back in, shouting "Oh, what am I, a robot?" and kissing her passionately.
-->"And to all, a good night!"

[[AC:314: The
Show Where Diane Comes Back":
**
Back]]
*
Frasier's reaction when he finds out Diane is back is priceless. It is so ridiculously over the top.
--->''[in -->''[in the background, Roz is on the phone, looking worried]''\\



** Martin making no attempt whatsoever to hide his notice of Diane's facial tic (only sporadically mentioned on ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' as being triggered by emotional distress), especially John Mahoney's delivery of "There it is again!" The next time it happens, Frasier, Niles, and Martin all scoot back from the table in alarm.
** Diane's play, [[HerCodeNameWasMarySue a pretentious stage version]] of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' with Diane as [[MarySue Mary Anne]]. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug-vwMEEe7E Words do not do it justice]]. Diane giggling in delight at her own jokes (which she actually stole from Norm) was the icing on the cake. And Frasier's speech is just epic, especially his delivery of ''"bony fingers!"''
--->'''Frasier:''' So ''drink hearty'', Franklin, and LAUGH! Because you have made a ''pact''--''with BEELZEBUB!!!'' '''AND HER NAME IS ''MARY ANNE!!!'''''\\

to:

** * Lilith isn't even in this episode and Niles still gets one of his best quips at her expense:
-->'''Frasier''': She's back! The scourge of my existence!\\
'''Niles''': Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the walls...
*
Martin making no attempt whatsoever to hide his notice of Diane's facial tic (only sporadically mentioned on ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' as being triggered by emotional distress), especially John Mahoney's delivery of "There it is again!" The next time it happens, Frasier, Niles, and Martin all scoot back from the table in alarm.
** * Diane's play, [[HerCodeNameWasMarySue a pretentious stage version]] of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' with Diane as [[MarySue Mary Anne]]. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug-vwMEEe7E Words do not do it justice]]. Diane giggling in delight at her own jokes (which she actually stole from Norm) was the icing on the cake. And Frasier's speech is just epic, especially his delivery of ''"bony fingers!"''
--->'''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' So ''drink hearty'', Franklin, and LAUGH! Because you have made a ''pact''--''with BEELZEBUB!!!'' '''AND HER NAME IS ''MARY ANNE!!!'''''\\



** A subtler moment from the end of the episode has Frasier walk out the bar door, only to come out after a beat, realizing it's a stage door that doesn't go anywhere.
--->'''Frasier''' ''(abashed):'' Force of habit.\\

to:

** * A subtler moment from the end of the episode has Frasier walk out the bar door, only to come out after a beat, realizing it's a stage door that doesn't go anywhere.
--->'''Frasier''' -->'''Frasier''' ''(abashed):'' Force of habit.\\



** And in TheStinger, Diane's play's use of internal monologues delivered by characters in spotlights on an otherwise darkened stage is spoofed when Martin catches Eddie chewing on a sock. Fade to black, then a spotlight shines on Eddie as a thought bubble appears above him saying "[[AC:I can't help it. It's what I do.]]"
* From "The Voyage of the Damned":
** Earlier in the episode, when Frasier discovers that the prestigious "celebrity cruise" Roz convinced him to participate in is actually full of hilariously lame D-listers.
--->'''Frasier:''' You've booked me on a floating [[Series/TheGongShow Gong Show!]]
** And after Roz and Frasier meet [[LoungeLizard the Barracuda]]:
--->'''Barracuda:''' [[LatinLover I see you are versed in the international language of love.]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh yes Roz, say something amusing in ''Esperanto!''
** Frasier, Roz and Martin are trapped hiding in the bathroom of Maris's suite:
--->'''Roz:''' It's ok, I think she's gone....Oh wait! I see her coat on the hat-rack.\\
'''Frasier:''' Look closer, is the hat-rack moving?\\
'''Roz:''' Oh my ''GOD!!''
** Frasier and Roz are convinced that the Barracuda will be stopping by Maris' suite for an evening of passion; however, Martin is not up to speed on the latest turn of events:
--->''[Frasier, Roz, and Martin hear the doorbell buzz]''\\
'''Roz:''' It's the Barracuda!\\
'''Martin:''' Who's the Barracuda?\\
'''Roz:''' He's a sleazy Latin lounge singer Maris is going to sleep with to get back at Niles for kissing Mimi!\\
'''Martin:''' Who's Mimi?\\
'''Frasier:''' A horny society boozer and the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_O%27Leary Mrs. O'Leary's cow]] of our current predicament!\\
'''Martin:''' [[DerailedForDetails Who's Mrs. O'Leary?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' A woman in Chicago who- oh, I don't have the time!
** Against all odds, Niles has smoothed things over with Maris, and she has invited him back to her suite for champagne. When Frasier, Roz, and Martin tell him she gargled with mouthwash while they were hiding in her bathroom, he implies that an evening of lovemaking is on the agenda as well. He opens the door to join her, and we get this gem:
--->'''Niles:''' Oh, damn. [[DoubleEntendre She started without me.]]\\
'''Frasier, Roz, Martin:''' ''[grimacing]'' Ewww...\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares at them]'' Drinking the champagne.\\
'''Frasier, Roz, Martin:''' ''[relieved]'' Ohh.
* During Frasier's feud with Cam Winston in "The Love You Fake", one of his victories is getting Cam restricted from parking his SUV in the parking garage by arguing it pollutes.
-->'''Cam:''' Oh, get off your high horse. You do your fair share of polluting with that [[CompensatingForSomething substitute for masculinity]] you're driving. \\
'''Frasier:''' If mine's a substitute for masculinity then what is yours? \\
'''Cam:''' Bigger.
* "Roz and the Schnoz" is one of the funniest episodes in the series as well, when Roz finds out the grandparents of her unborn child have gigantic noses - and they are completely oblivious to the fact, which leaves everyone in stitches when they're not watching.
** It gets especially funny when they keep dropping unintentional {{Pun}}s like how their dogs were '''schnauzers'''.
--->'''Paula:''' Do you mind if I ask? Is this homemade or store-bought?\\
'''Steve:''' Honey, don't ask that! Pardon my wife, sometimes she gets a little '''''nosey'''''.\\
'''Paula:''' Me '''''nosey'''''? You're the '''''nosey''''' one in the family.\\
'''Steve:''' Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosey'''''!\\
'''Paula:''' Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosier'''''!\\
''(At this point, Niles, Daphne and Martin are mightily struggling to keep from collapsing in laughter. Even Frasier finally cracks and guffaws in the kitchen.)''
** Frasier tries to console Roz, but she says what everyone is probably thinking:
--->'''Frasier:''' You know Roz, in spite of a rather shaky beginning, I think this evening's turned out rather well.\\
'''Roz:''' Oh yeah, and you were absolutely right, Frasier. Now I can see some of the qualities my baby can have. A great sense of humor... a sweet disposition... '''[[{{Angrish}} a nose like an ANTEATER!]]'''!
** Finally, Roz gets some relief that Rick, the father, had a normal nose. Then she learns that Rick broke his nose in a hockey accident, and had plastic surgery to fix it. Steve and Paula give her a picture of Rick from ''before'' the surgery. After they leave, Roz's reaction to the picture is predictable:
--->'''Roz:''' '''''Oh my GOD!'''''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, come on, Roz! It can't be that bad, let me have a look!\\
'''Roz:''' No, no way, no! I'll never hear the end of it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Please.\\
''(Roz shows Frasier the photos. He looks... and quickly shows them to Niles and Daphne. They stare.)''\\
'''Niles:''' ''(awed)'' Where '''''is''''' the end of it?
** After everything's been settled, Daphne still {{Troll}}s Roz:
--->'''Roz:''' Oh, I just felt a kick.\\
'''Daphne:''' You sure it wasn't a sneeze?\\
'''Roz:''' ''(amiably)'' Ha. ha.
** Martin's failed excursion to San Francisco, as he tells Frasier:
--->'''Martin:''' Aw, Frisco was a bust! All our watering holes are gone, the steakhouse is a sushi bar! And then this morning me and Duke decide to go for a walk. We pass by City Hall, and there's some sort of gathering, kinda like a pep rally. Well, some official guy up front says something we didn't hear, and next thing you know, everyone's throwing rice, [[HoYay and all the men are kissing each other]], [[LesYay and all the women are kissing each other]], and I'm not sure but [[AccidentalMarriage I think Duke and I may be married]].
* In "Four for the Seesaw", Frasier and Niles have asked two women they've just met to come away for the weekend, but they're not sure if the women think everything's purely platonic:
-->'''Niles:''' These women are inscrutable as sphinxes!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, they've got us into some most veiled, cloaked, cryptic messages. Can't they just give us one clear signal?!\\
'''Beth:''' Well, I'm going to bed. Niles, are you coming? [{{Beat}}]\\
'''Niles:''' Curse these infernal riddles!
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pI8dJFW4kaA#t=3m20s This scene]] from the episode where Frasier goes into private practice.
* In "The Apparent Trap", Martin knocks on the front door after hiding from Lilith and asks Frasier in a bad whisper, "Is the witch gone yet?" and sees her over Frasier's shoulder. "Oh, Lilith! I was just asking Frasier - is my twitch gone yet?" Complete with very bad fake facial tic. To which Lilith only deadpans, "Skillfully done, Martin."
* In the second part of "Adventures in Paradise", Lilith reveals that she's getting remarried. Everyone stares at her for a moment until she clarifies that it's to someone other than Frasier. Martin then throws his cane aside and staggers halfway across the room to hug her. This is probably the fastest he's ever moved on the show.
* "Look Before You Leap", in which Frasier encourages everyone to celebrate the leap year by taking a chance.
** [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjrLyWlCrP8 Martin mentions how Daphne is always talking about wanting to change her hairstyle and then proceeds to imitate her accent. In addition to being hilarious, it's just so....weird.]] Doubly so because ''John Mahoney is British!''
** Roz gushing about a guy she met on a bus ''on the air'' (and her freak-out when she realizes what she just said).
** The snowball gag of Niles's exponentially increasing libido, after having gone for ''months'' without sex. When he visits Frasier at the radio station, he starts hitting on ''Roz'' of all people, then when Frasier finally seems to persuade him that joining Maris for an evening of passion would be a bad idea, he walks past the window behind Frasier - and immediately turns around when he passes a female KACL staffer going in the other direction. As he passes the door to Frasier's booth, Frasier opens it and hurls a glass of water into Niles' face, causing him to turn around immediately again.
** Daphne's reaction to her awful haircut, urged by Frasier:
--->'''Daphne:''' ''(sobbing)'' Take a leap! Mr. Maurice hair-designer! Trust me! Children pointing! '''Your fault!'''
** Even more hilarious, Niles thinks her hideously mangled haircut is hot, moaning, "Will these infernal temptations ''never end''?!"
** With Roz, Martin, and Daphne all worse off for having taken Frasier's "take a leap" idea, Niles defies him and declares he's going to spend the evening with Maris after all. His parting gesture involves gunning down his sherry before hurling his glass into Frasier's fireplace.
--->'''Frasier:''' YOU WILL ''RUE'' THE DAY!\\

to:

** * And in TheStinger, Diane's play's use of internal monologues delivered by characters in spotlights on an otherwise darkened stage is spoofed when Martin catches Eddie chewing on a sock. Fade to black, then a spotlight shines on Eddie as a thought bubble appears above him saying "[[AC:I can't help it. It's what I do.]]"
* From "The Voyage of the Damned":
** Earlier in the episode, when Frasier discovers that the prestigious "celebrity cruise" Roz convinced him to participate in is actually full of hilariously lame D-listers.
--->'''Frasier:''' You've booked me on a floating [[Series/TheGongShow Gong Show!]]
** And after Roz and Frasier meet [[LoungeLizard the Barracuda]]:
--->'''Barracuda:''' [[LatinLover I see you are versed in the international language of love.]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh yes Roz, say something amusing in ''Esperanto!''
** Frasier, Roz and Martin are trapped hiding in the bathroom of Maris's suite:
--->'''Roz:''' It's ok, I think she's gone....Oh wait! I see her coat on the hat-rack.\\
'''Frasier:'''
]]"

[[AC:316:
Look closer, is the hat-rack moving?\\
'''Roz:''' Oh my ''GOD!!''
** Frasier and Roz are convinced that the Barracuda will be stopping by Maris' suite for an evening of passion; however, Martin is not up to speed on the latest turn of events:
--->''[Frasier, Roz, and Martin hear the doorbell buzz]''\\
'''Roz:''' It's the Barracuda!\\
'''Martin:''' Who's the Barracuda?\\
'''Roz:''' He's a sleazy Latin lounge singer Maris is going to sleep with to get back at Niles for kissing Mimi!\\
'''Martin:''' Who's Mimi?\\
'''Frasier:''' A horny society boozer and the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_O%27Leary Mrs. O'Leary's cow]] of our current predicament!\\
'''Martin:''' [[DerailedForDetails Who's Mrs. O'Leary?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' A woman in Chicago who- oh, I don't have the time!
** Against all odds, Niles has smoothed things over with Maris, and she has invited him back to her suite for champagne. When Frasier, Roz, and Martin tell him she gargled with mouthwash while they were hiding in her bathroom, he implies that an evening of lovemaking is on the agenda as well. He opens the door to join her, and we get this gem:
--->'''Niles:''' Oh, damn. [[DoubleEntendre She started without me.]]\\
'''Frasier, Roz, Martin:''' ''[grimacing]'' Ewww...\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares at them]'' Drinking the champagne.\\
'''Frasier, Roz, Martin:''' ''[relieved]'' Ohh.
* During Frasier's feud with Cam Winston in "The Love
Before You Fake", one of his victories is getting Cam restricted from parking his SUV in the parking garage by arguing it pollutes.
-->'''Cam:''' Oh, get off your high horse. You do your fair share of polluting with that [[CompensatingForSomething substitute for masculinity]] you're driving. \\
'''Frasier:''' If mine's a substitute for masculinity then what is yours? \\
'''Cam:''' Bigger.
* "Roz and the Schnoz" is one of the funniest episodes in the series as well, when Roz finds out the grandparents of her unborn child have gigantic noses - and they are completely oblivious to the fact, which leaves everyone in stitches when they're not watching.
** It gets especially funny when they keep dropping unintentional {{Pun}}s like how their dogs were '''schnauzers'''.
--->'''Paula:''' Do you mind if I ask? Is this homemade or store-bought?\\
'''Steve:''' Honey, don't ask that! Pardon my wife, sometimes she gets a little '''''nosey'''''.\\
'''Paula:''' Me '''''nosey'''''? You're the '''''nosey''''' one in the family.\\
'''Steve:''' Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosey'''''!\\
'''Paula:''' Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosier'''''!\\
''(At this point, Niles, Daphne and Martin are mightily struggling to keep from collapsing in laughter. Even Frasier finally cracks and guffaws in the kitchen.)''
** Frasier tries to console Roz, but she says what everyone is probably thinking:
--->'''Frasier:''' You know Roz, in spite of a rather shaky beginning, I think this evening's turned out rather well.\\
'''Roz:''' Oh yeah, and you were absolutely right, Frasier. Now I can see some of the qualities my baby can have. A great sense of humor... a sweet disposition... '''[[{{Angrish}} a nose like an ANTEATER!]]'''!
** Finally, Roz gets some relief that Rick, the father, had a normal nose. Then she learns that Rick broke his nose in a hockey accident, and had plastic surgery to fix it. Steve and Paula give her a picture of Rick from ''before'' the surgery. After they leave, Roz's reaction to the picture is predictable:
--->'''Roz:''' '''''Oh my GOD!'''''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, come on, Roz! It can't be that bad, let me have a look!\\
'''Roz:''' No, no way, no! I'll never hear the end of it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Please.\\
''(Roz shows Frasier the photos. He looks... and quickly shows them to Niles and Daphne. They stare.)''\\
'''Niles:''' ''(awed)'' Where '''''is''''' the end of it?
** After everything's been settled, Daphne still {{Troll}}s Roz:
--->'''Roz:''' Oh, I just felt a kick.\\
'''Daphne:''' You sure it wasn't a sneeze?\\
'''Roz:''' ''(amiably)'' Ha. ha.
** Martin's failed excursion to San Francisco, as he tells Frasier:
--->'''Martin:''' Aw, Frisco was a bust! All our watering holes are gone, the steakhouse is a sushi bar! And then this morning me and Duke decide to go for a walk. We pass by City Hall, and there's some sort of gathering, kinda like a pep rally. Well, some official guy up front says something we didn't hear, and next thing you know, everyone's throwing rice, [[HoYay and all the men are kissing each other]], [[LesYay and all the women are kissing each other]], and I'm not sure but [[AccidentalMarriage I think Duke and I may be married]].
* In "Four for the Seesaw", Frasier and Niles have asked two women they've just met to come away for the weekend, but they're not sure if the women think everything's purely platonic:
-->'''Niles:''' These women are inscrutable as sphinxes!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, they've got us into some most veiled, cloaked, cryptic messages. Can't they just give us one clear signal?!\\
'''Beth:''' Well, I'm going to bed. Niles, are you coming? [{{Beat}}]\\
'''Niles:''' Curse these infernal riddles!
Leap]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pI8dJFW4kaA#t=3m20s This scene]] from the episode where Frasier goes into private practice.
* In "The Apparent Trap", Martin knocks on the front door after hiding from Lilith and asks Frasier in a bad whisper, "Is the witch gone yet?" and sees her over Frasier's shoulder. "Oh, Lilith! I was just asking Frasier - is my twitch gone yet?" Complete with very bad fake facial tic. To which Lilith only deadpans, "Skillfully done, Martin."
* In the second part of "Adventures in Paradise", Lilith reveals that she's getting remarried. Everyone stares at her for a moment until she clarifies that it's to someone other than Frasier. Martin then throws his cane aside and staggers halfway across the room to hug her. This is probably the fastest he's ever moved on the show.
* "Look Before You Leap", in which Frasier encourages everyone to celebrate the leap year by taking a chance.
** [[http://www.
youtube.com/watch?v=MjrLyWlCrP8 Martin mentions how Daphne is always talking about wanting to change her hairstyle and then proceeds to imitate her accent. In addition to being hilarious, it's just so....weird.]] Doubly so because ''John Mahoney is British!''
** * Roz gushing about a guy she met on a bus ''on the air'' (and her freak-out when she realizes what she just said).
** * The snowball gag of Niles's exponentially increasing libido, after having gone for ''months'' without sex. When he visits Frasier at the radio station, he starts hitting on ''Roz'' of all people, then when Frasier finally seems to persuade him that joining Maris for an evening of passion would be a bad idea, he walks past the window behind Frasier - and immediately turns around when he passes a female KACL staffer going in the other direction. As he passes the door to Frasier's booth, Frasier opens it and hurls a glass of water into Niles' face, causing him to turn around immediately again.
** * Daphne's reaction to her awful haircut, urged by Frasier:
--->'''Daphne:''' -->'''Daphne:''' ''(sobbing)'' Take a leap! Mr. Maurice hair-designer! Trust me! Children pointing! '''Your fault!'''
** * Even more hilarious, Niles thinks her hideously mangled haircut is hot, moaning, "Will these infernal temptations ''never end''?!"
** * With Roz, Martin, and Daphne all worse off for having taken Frasier's "take a leap" idea, Niles defies him and declares he's going to spend the evening with Maris after all. His parting gesture involves gunning down his sherry before hurling his glass into Frasier's fireplace.
--->'''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' YOU WILL ''RUE'' THE DAY!\\



** "WHO WATCHES PBS?!....I'll tell you who..."
** Finally...after everybody else's "Leap Day" plans get shot to hell, Frasier backs out of singing an aria for a [=PBS=] drive and falls back on his [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvAWUJCjgQE "Buttons & Bows"]] routine... without rehearsing. Turns out that despite having sung "Buttons & Bows" for PBS pledge drives for several years, he has only memorised the first three or four lines... and can barely remember a word after that.
--->Let's all go to a taco show! Mebby hawd and beddy hose, something and something and buttons and bows![[note]] The actual words for those lines are "Let's move down to some big town / Where they love a gal by the cut o' her clothes / And you'll stand out in buttons and bows."[[/note]]
** In TheStinger, Niles stops by to console Frasier, who asks him if he had sex with Maris after all. Though we cannot hear the dialogue, we can see Niles smiling reassuringly while mouthing "No" repeatedly. But as Frasier walks off, Niles scratches behind his ear and finds a dollop of creme fraiche, one of his and Maris' favourite substances to lick off each other...
* Quite a bit of the episode "The Focus Group". Of the twelve random citizens called in to give their opinion of ''The Dr. Frasier Crane Show,'' eleven are positive: one man says, "I don't like it... I don't like ''him."'' It digs at Frasier, who can't let it go. He spots the man (a news-stand owner) while driving Martin and Niles to dinner and ''insists'' on going over in person to quiz him. Martin [[FacePalm covers his face,]] while Niles watches - fascinated in a horrified kind of way:

to:

** * "WHO WATCHES PBS?!....I'll tell you who..."
** * Finally...after everybody else's "Leap Day" plans get shot to hell, Frasier backs out of singing an aria for a [=PBS=] drive and falls back on his [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvAWUJCjgQE "Buttons & Bows"]] routine... without rehearsing. Turns out that despite having sung "Buttons & Bows" for PBS pledge drives for several years, he has only memorised the first three or four lines... and can barely remember a word after that.
--->Let's -->Let's all go to a taco show! Mebby hawd and beddy hose, something and something and buttons and bows![[note]] The actual words for those lines are "Let's move down to some big town / Where they love a gal by the cut o' her clothes / And you'll stand out in buttons and bows."[[/note]]
** * In TheStinger, Niles stops by to console Frasier, who asks him if he had sex with Maris after all. Though we cannot hear the dialogue, we can see Niles smiling reassuringly while mouthing "No" repeatedly. But as Frasier walks off, Niles scratches behind his ear and finds a dollop of creme fraiche, one of his and Maris' favourite substances to lick off each other...
other...

[[AC:318: Chess Pains]]
* Quite Frasier, Daphne, and Martin meet Niles' new dog, Girl...who, it is painfully obvious to everyone ''except'' Niles, is a bit four-legged doppelganger for Maris--down to the ridiculously aloof and spoiled personality (and the fact that Niles seems emasculated to slave status). After [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9hG_3dGry8 an involved and multi-layered sequence where Frasier, Martin and Daphne can only stare wide-eyed at the spectacle...]]
--> '''Daphne:''' Am I the only one - \\
'''Frasier/Martin:''' No.\\
'''Daphne:''' Does Dr. Crane have any idea?\\
'''Frasier/Martin:''' No.

[[AC:321: Where There's Smoke, There's Fired]]
* The first scene features a classic zinger from Niles directed at the absent Bebe Glazer:
-->'''Frasier:''' No, it's just that, uh, the station's been sold, I was hoping she might have some scuttlebutt on the new owner. ''[the doorbell rings; Frasier leaves to answer it]'' I must admit, she's... rather hard to get a hold of these days!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh really? I thought one just drew a pentagram on the floor and chanted "I summon thee" three times. ''[Martin almost spits out the mouthful of coffee he has just drunk]''
* Frasier learns from Roz that KACL's new owner is Texan media millionaire Wilfred S. "Big Willy" Boone, who, when he meets Frasier, "recruits" his help to get his fiancee to quit smoking; if she doesn't, he will call off their engagement. Frasier gets a nasty shock when he discovers who Big Willy's fiancee is...
-->'''Frasier:''' That's me, Dr. Frasier Crane, bimbo wrangler. ''[sits down and {{Facepalm}}s]''\\
'''Roz:''' Frasier, stop it! This is a golden opportunity! You make this little tootsie quit smoking and we're halfway to syndication!\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[appearing in the doorway]'' Did someone just say the word "syndication", or do I just hear it every time I lay eyes on my favourite client! ''[walks toward Frasier, arms outstretched]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[still despairing]'' Oh, Bebe... ''[embraces her and kisses her on either cheek]''\\
'''Bebe:''' Is something wrong, dear? ''[Frasier moans; we see Big Willy talking to two other station employees through the back window]''\\
'''Roz:''' We just met Big Willy.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sitting down again]'' Oh, he thinks I'm some sort of a magician, he wants me to play therapist to his little fiancee, no doubt some gold-digging piranha so devoid of scruples that she's willing to rob the coffin just- ''[he and Roz notice Bebe and Big Willy making kissy faces at each other through the glass]'' oh, dear ''God!''... ''[{{Facepalm}}s again]''
* Big Willy gives Frasier three days to get Bebe to quit smoking; their first therapy session seems to go well as Frasier gets to the heart of why Bebe smokes in the first place, but as she is about to leave, Niles arrives and stalls her, telling Frasier she will smoke half a pack of cigarettes before she even gets down to the lobby of Frasier's building. Sure enough, Bebe is lighting up in Frasier's kitchen, while Daphne and Martin are horrified at Niles' insistence that Bebe must stay there for the weekend. As Frasier takes them to the kitchen to prove that Bebe has made progress, she stuffs her still lit cigarette in her handbag, and is unaware that smoke is pouring out of it as she returns to Frasier's living room...
-->'''Bebe:''' I'm sorry I can't stay and help you with the paper, Niles, wedding preparations and all. ''[to Frasier]'' But I'll remember those helpful hints, it's exercise, gum, and lots of water. ''[Frasier, Niles, Daphne, and Martin all notice the smoke coming out of Bebe's handbag]''\\
'''Niles:''' Water should come in handy for putting out those pesky purse fires. ''[Bebe notices the smoke and starts hitting her handbag to extinguish the cigarette]''\\
'''Frasier:''' All right Niles, secure the door! Bebe, you are not going anywhere, you're staying for the weekend, now give me that purse! ''[Niles locks the front door]''\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[defeated]'' All right, just... let me remove one very precious memento...\\
'''Frasier:''' Very well. ''[Bebe opens her handbag, puts it over her face, and breathes deeply]'' Oh, stop it! ''[pulls the bag away from her]''
* Bebe's borderline erotic description of how smoking a cigarette makes her feel sets off Daphne's own sporadic smoking tendencies, and at 5:30am, she sneaks onto the balcony and lights up, waking up a sleeping Bebe on the sofa. Now desperate for a cigarette herself, Bebe locks Daphne on the balcony in the rain and refuses to let her in unless she gives her a smoke; Daphne retaliates by holding the pack over the edge
of the episode "The balcony, threatening to drop it unless Bebe unlocks the door. Finally, Frasier enters and switches on the lights; the payoff comes when Bebe and Daphne deliver their lines in the following exchange like two young children caught fighting by their parents:
-->'''Frasier:''' What the hell's going on out here?\\
'''Bebe:''' Daphne was smoking!\\
'''Daphne:''' She made me do it!

[[AC:322: Frasier Loves Roz]]
* Martin's message to future generations, as Niles records with a video camera. He can't resist trolling:
-->'''Martin''' ''(into the camera)'': My name is Martin Crane. When I made this tape, I was sixty-four years old. But ''now''...''(bulging eyes)'' '''I'm ''dead''...!'''\\
''([[DisapprovingLook Niles slumps]])''\\
'''Martin''': ''Trapped'' in a ''box'', underground...! Pretty ''scary'', huh...?! ''(EvilLaugh)''\\
'''Niles''': ''(Stops recording)'' Dad, surely you must have ''some'' message you want to leave for the Cranes of the twenty-first century--?!\\
'''Martin''': Alright, alright, I do.... ''(To camera, as Niles resumes)'' Remember to always work hard...and that family comes first. ''(Play-squirms, sighs)'' And...I have a million ''bucks''...in unmarked bills...that I took off a drug dealer, that I have stashed in my old army foot locker. The combination is Left 15...Right 32...Le--\\
''({{Beat}}, starts "choking"...and collapses in his chair.)''\\
'''Niles''' ''(focusing the camera on himself):'' Future generations... see what I had to put up with?

[[AC:323: The
Focus Group". Group]]
*
Of the twelve random citizens called in to give their opinion of ''The Dr. Frasier Crane Show,'' eleven are positive: one man says, "I don't like it... I don't like ''him."'' It digs at Frasier, who can't let it go. He spots the man (a news-stand owner) while driving Martin and Niles to dinner and ''insists'' on going over in person to quiz him. Martin [[FacePalm covers his face,]] while Niles watches - fascinated in a horrified kind of way:



* The moment in "Boo" when Frasier - tired of being the butt of Martin's practical jokes - retaliates by pretending to leave the apartment, dressing in a clown outfit, hiding in the bathroom and then leaping out with a meat cleaver in hand when Martin passes by...causing Martin to promptly collapse with a heart attack and have to be rushed to hospital. Followed by meeting the screaming coulrophobic patient who was the inspiration for the outfit.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGGRNR4RTio The last straw.]]
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, look at yourself.\\
''(Niles glances down at his naked self.)''\\
'''Niles:''' Hello! ''(to Frasier)'' I think I'm having that dream where I'm naked at Nervosa!\\
'''Frasier:''' I think a lot of people are having that dream.
* "She's The Boss":
** A side arc revolves around Niles trying to get a gun for defense, as the security at his house is screwing up. The second time he appears, he's bought a ''starter's pistol'', and while explaining to Martin that it gives Maris a sense of safety, he accidentally fires it. Frasier (who's been spending the entire scene trying to get some sleep) runs out of his room [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvMZ6GADNpY#t=318s freaking out about what just happened.]]
--->'''Martin''': Niles bought a starter's pistol. \\
'''Niles''': And there's no need to get snippy, accidents happen, you know. \\
'''Frasier''': I'm sorry, was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be '''''GUNPLAY IN MY LIVING ROOM!'''''
** Frasier is once again forced to sleep days, and Eddie - who is wearing a protective dog collar - starts barking upstairs at the dog who injured him. This causes Frasier to explode as well.
--->'''Frasier:''' I asked you to keep that dog quiet and instead you '''''OUTFIT HIM WITH A MEGAPHONE!'''''
** When Frasier rages at Daphne with incredibly misogynistic insults, Martin marvels at Daphne for keeping her cool. She calmly says that it's part of her job. However, she calls Eddie to take a walk with a ''very'' loud whistle, causing Frasier to scream in pain offscreen.
** [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC5rp7PJ8DQ Frasier's...raunchy broadcast.]] He and Roz decide to rebel against new station boss Kate Costas' decision to put them in a very early morning slot unless he agrees to give priority to the "juicier" calls.
--->'''Frasier:''' In other words, '''''WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT SEX?''''' Sex, sex, ''sex sex sex sex sex''!
*** The part where Frasier starts stripping in the booth:
---->'''Roz:''' While Dr. Crane strips, our new station manager would like to know if you prefer to be the spanker or the spankee?\\
'''Caller:''' Oh, definitely the spanker.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, then hop in a cab! I'm not wearing any pants! ''[swings them above his head as Roz whoops]''
*** "While Roz laces up her leather bustier, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL, all talk, all night, all naked!"
** The end credits where Martin is having trouble with the TV, so Daphne puts Eddie on it to fix the reception.
* From "Halloween". Niles is on the phone with Maris as Frasier and Daphne pretend to be [[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe Merry Olde English lovers]], to Niles' consternation.

to:

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 4]]
[[AC:401: The Two Mrs. Cranes]]
* The moment SnowballLie. Once Martin is clued into it, he starts screwing with everyone. The web of lies becomes so messy, everyone has to pause before deciding it's safe to give Eddie's name.
* The ''beautiful'' punchline to the entire thing.
-->'''Daphne:''' We're not the horrible people you think we are!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes! The truth is - we've been lying to you all night!
* And there's also Niles' elated giggle after Daphne introduces him as her husband.
* Martin amuses himself and spites his sons by claiming he used to be an astronaut.
-->'''Clive:''' Although, Daphne, I noticed
in "Boo" when the phone book your surname still is Moon.\\
'''Niles:''' That must be an old book. Now she hyphenates; it's Moon-Crane.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(wistfully)'' I remember the first time I ever drove a moon crane. I nearly rolled it into the Sea of Tranquillity.

[[AC:402: Love Bites Dog]]
* Niles decides to advertise his practice, and gives
Frasier - tired a copy of being the butt ad.
-->'''Frasier:''' All right. ''(reading)'' "Dr. Niles Crane. Jung specialist. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts". Well thatís just excellent Niles. All youíre missing now is a very tasteful cartoon
of Martin's practical jokes - retaliates you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head!\\
'''Niles:''' Sorry I didnít hear you. I was too distracted
by pretending to leave your face going by on the apartment, dressing in side of a clown outfit, hiding in bus.
* Of course,
the bathroom ad company accidentally prints an "H" in place of the "J" in "Jung". HilarityEnsues.
-->'''Frasier:''' "Dr. Niles Crane. Hung specialist." ''({{beat}})'' Oh my.\\
'''Niles:''' The rest of it was surprisingly accurate. "Servicing individuals, couples... groups..." ''({{beat}})'' "Satisfaction guaranteed"... ''(looks at Frasier with some consternation)'' "Tell me where it hurts "\\
'''Frasier:''' Any calls?\\
'''Niles:''' It's a telethon.
* Everything about [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsyXV-B3uGk Frasier talking "like a guy" to get Bulldog back in gear]], but ''especially''...
-->'''Bulldog:''' I like the sound of this.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(Gruff)'' Yeah? So do I! It's unattractive--yet liberating, rather like [[TooMuchInformation the one
and then leaping only time I wore a European bathing suit...!]]
* Frasier talking "like a guy" doesn't work too well with Niles however.

[[AC:403: The Impossible Dream]]
* Frasier has a weird dream involving Gil. After talking it
out with a meat cleaver in hand when Martin passes by...Niles he thinks he's resolved the issue causing him to have the dream, and declares loudly:
-->'''Frasier:''' Thank God! Tonight I can sleep peacefully knowing there'll be no motel room, no tequila bottle and ''no naked man in my bed!''\\
''[Sees the waitress standing behind him]''\\
'''Frasier:''' So then, the rabbi says...
* Frasier and
Martin have an exchange where Martin notes that the reason he didn't take Frasier to promptly collapse see ''Film/WestSideStory'' as a child was because gangs were scary:
-->'''Frasier:''' Even gangs that dance?\\
'''Martin:''' Especially gangs that dance!
* Martin and Daphne trolling people in the elevator by having "secret" conversations literally behind their backs--on such awesome nonsense as Daphne being in Witness Protection (with Martin as her FBI handler) and their engaging in international smuggling!
-->'''Daphne:''' How'd you get the stuff through customs?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(smugly)'' They never check the prosthetic leg.
* The punch line of the episode: UsefulNotes/SigmundFreud appearing to Frasier in a dream to congratulate him on figuring out the Gil dream. [[OhCrap And to get into bed.]]

[[AC:406: Mixed Doubles]]
* When Daphne is introducing her new boyfriend Rodney, an eerie doppelganger of Niles, to Frasier and Martin, Martin gets a call from Duke:
-->'''Martin:''' Sorry Duke, I can't talk right now; I'm in Series/TheTwilightZone!
* Later, Niles and Frasier discover that Rodney on a date at Cafe Nervosa with Niles' new girlfriend Adelle, and Niles is furious - on Daphne's behalf.
-->'''Frasier:''' Whatever you do, do not engage him in a physical fight! [[IdenticalStranger The whole thing would just look too]] ''[[IdenticalStranger weird]]''!
* As Niles leaves to break the news of Rodney's infidelity to Daphne, Frasier has one last question for him:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know, there's just one thing I'd like to ask you, Rodney... do you have an older brother?\\
'''Rodney:''' As a matter of fact, I do. ''[bitterly]'' He's always been the pride of the family. Handsome, successful, brilliant. I've always been rather jealous of him.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[smirking to himself]'' Spooky... ''[exits, leaving Rodney and Adelle thoroughly confused]''

[[AC:407: A Lilith Thanksgiving]]
* The climax of Niles and Martin inadvertently turning Freddie into a walking disaster magnet is one of the series' better moments of silent comedy. Over the course of the second act, Martin accidentally hits Freddie in the eye
with a heart attack baseball, Niles accidentally hits him in the nose with the freezer door, Martin gives him bubble gum which he then has to cut out of Freddie's hair, and have to be rushed to hospital. Followed by meeting Niles gives him remoulade which causes a flare-up of the screaming coulrophobic patient who was lad's anchovy allergy - none of which crosses Frasier and Lilith's radar, as they are too busy sabotaging Freddie's chances of getting into a prestigious prep school through overthinking things; the inspiration headmaster then makes the mistake of implying that if they can produce a fully cooked turkey for his Thanksgiving dinner (his own having failed to cook properly), he might let Freddie into the outfit.
school (actually just a ploy to get rid of them once and for all). In a dialogue-free scene, Niles bastes the turkey as Martin races into the kitchen, grabs the ice pack from the freezer, and races out again, followed by Niles with a bottle of wine. While they are out of the kitchen, Frasier and Lilith return, take the turkey out of the oven, and carry it out to the car. As the timer goes off, Niles returns, then opens the oven, and is thoroughly confused to find the turkey gone. He even checks the other oven.

[[AC:408: Our Father, Whose Art Ain't Heaven]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGGRNR4RTio com/watch?v=GHWoYoW5zWA The last straw."bull painting" incident]], leading to Frasier, Martin, and Niles having an epic cryfest...
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(crying)'' I made...''our father '''cry!'''''\\
'''Martin:''' ''(crying)'' [[BlatantLies I'm not CRYING!]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, ''I am! I'm the most--ungrateful son there is!''\\
'''Martin:''' ''I can never do anything for my sons!''\\
'''Niles:''' ''({{beat}}, then bawls)'' ''[[{{Wangst}} No one wants to come TO MY PARTY!!!]]''

[[AC:413: Four for the Seesaw]]
* Frasier and Niles have asked two women they've just met to come away for the weekend, but they're not sure if the women think everything's purely platonic:
-->'''Niles:''' These women are inscrutable as sphinxes!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, they've got us into some most veiled, cloaked, cryptic messages. Can't they just give us one clear signal?!\\
'''Beth:''' Well, I'm going to bed. Niles, are you coming? [{{Beat}}]\\
'''Niles:''' Curse these infernal riddles!

[[AC:414: To Kill a Talking Bird]]
* Frasier finally tells Niles that his dog is a substitute for Maris. Niles denies this haughtily, but then:
-->'''Frasier:''' Oh? Remember when Maris wore that pillbox hat to the Duchamps' wedding?\\
''(takes a small flowerpot and puts it on the dog's head. Niles '''faints''' from the realization)''
* One of Niles' most magnificent brotherly putdowns, as he brags about the new apartment complex he's living in:
-->'''Frasier:''' I don't think this building can be as exclusive as you said. Your doorman just waved me right through.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, he recognised you.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(preening)'' Oh! A fan of my show?\\
'''Niles:''' No. He lives in ''your'' building.

[[AC:417: Roz's Turn]]
* Frasier's pirate accent.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(salty pirate voice)'' When my shipmates and I pull into port after several weeks at sea, the first thing we do is... \\
'''Niles:''' ''(into mic, imitating Frasier's accent)'' ...head for the antique sale, arrr!
* A classic zinger from Frasier as a nod to Bebe's SitcomArchNemesis role:
-->'''Roz''': It's not like she worships the devil!\\
'''Frasier''': Well, she doesn't have to; he worships HER!

[[AC:418: Ham Radio]]
* In the opening scene, Niles foreshadows the episode's third act by observing to Martin that Frasier knows how to direct a play, but doesn't know how to ''stop'' directing, and predicts that by the time "Nightmare Inn" is broadcast, Frasier will be not just directing, but credited as the writer and playing the lead. Frasier rubbishes this suggestion, then Niles notices that the script is entitled "Frasier Crane's 'Nightmare Inn'"...
* Frasier's overdirection during rehearsal leads professional actor Mel White, who is playing six roles with six different accents, to RageQuit. Cue a classic example of WhoWouldBeStupidEnough:
-->'''Bulldog:''' So whadda we do now, boss?\\
'''Frasier:''' Not to worry! I have a plan! ''[picks up the phone and dials]''\\
'''Roz:''' Oh, yeah, right. We're supposed to do this thing tomorrow night! Where are you going to find an ''idiot'' willing to take six dialect parts unrehearsed?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[into phone]'' Niles!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[as she clears the dining table]'' [[ReadingTheStageDirectionsOutLoud Sound of ominous organ music indicating trouble ahead.
]]
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, look at yourself.* Not for nothing is the actual broadcast of "Nightmare Inn" one of the series' most fondly remembered scenes.
** Having helped with rehearsal, Daphne is waiting to listen to the [[FairPlayWhodunnit Whodunnit]] with Martin.
--->'''Daphne:''' I already know the plot but I'll try not to blurt out the name of the murderer.
\\
''(Niles glances down at '''Martin:''' Great, as a cop I hated it when people did that.
** Roz's character is a woman with a sexy, exotic accent. However, she arrives from a two-hour emergency dentist appointment with a jaw still chock full of Novocaine, so numb she keeps biting the inside of her lip. Everything comes out in a very slurred, muddled, Elmer Fudd-like mess, and it only gets worse when she has to attempt the phrase, "Multiple murderer."
** Bulldog freezes with stage fright as soon as the play begins, so Frasier improvises that
his naked self.)''\\
character, Wing, is now a mute who wears a bell on his head to communicate.
** Niles, seeing the script for the first time as the broadcast begins, is not happy to discover that he is playing six characters with six different accents. When he is cued to speak Pépo the dwarf's line, he is mystified as to how to get into character, and tries crouching behind the microphone before acknowledging that this won't work on radio. Finally, Frasier hands him a helium balloon, which he inhales to deliver his line.
** Immediately after Frasier delivers a line about the phone lines being cut, the phone in the studio rings; Noel, who is acting as sound effects man, does not help by answering it with "Hello, Studio 5."
** In the second act, Noel founders a bit with the music cues:
--->'''Frasier:''' Why, ''yes,'' Miss Thorndyke, it appears to be... ''[cues organ music, but calliope music comes out instead]'' ...''the ice cream truck! [Noel finally pulls out the offending tape]'' But never mind... that... ''[everybody starts dumping papers from the script]''
** Bulldog's girlfriend Maxine has one line to deliver. However, she has no acting experience, so her delivery is very awkward and wooden. More problematic, though, is her severe dyslexia...
--->'''Maxine:''' ''[screams]'' Look out! He's got a nug!
** Frasier cuts Nigel Fairservice's dying speech in the interest of time; unfortunately, Gil, who is playing Nigel, is so enamored of the line that he refuses to "die" without fishing the speech. When Frasier finally outdoes him in narrative (by claiming that the last bullet blew his head clean off his shoulders), he gives Frasier a smug look by knocking on and opening the prop door to complete it as his long lost brother (Frasier pops another balloon and claims that this extinguishes the Fairservice family entirely), and then the ice cream man from earlier (Frasier pops yet another balloon).
--->'''Daphne:''' This is turning into a '''bloodbath'''!\\
'''Martin:''' See, this is why I prefer television. You want to ''see'' that sort of stuff.
** Niles finally gets sick of Frasier's overdirection during his confession speech, and improvises [[RockFallsEveryoneDies a new ending]].
--->'''Niles:''' ''[German accent]'' All right, all right! I'm ''not'' vhat I appear! None of us is! I'm not a butler! I'm not even ''[moves to next page in script, furrows brow, and drops accent]'' German. ''[shrugs; dramatic organ sting]'' Sit down, Inspector, you're about to hear a fascinating tale. Each of us holds a piece of the puzzle... ''[gets distracted by Frasier pointing toward himself]'' to relate to you. When we've finished, you'll know the full... ''[Frasier brings his arms up in a "more" gesture]'' dark secret of Nightmare Inn.\\
'''Roz:''' Awe you thure we thould, Hanth?\\
'''Niles:''' Hello! ''(to Frasier)'' ''[grimaces at the script]'' Be quiet, ''Mother. [Frasier points dramatically; organ sting plays]'' Mother and I think moved here when I was a small boy, after the... ''[Frasier clenches his fist slowly and looks emotionally overwrought, indicating Niles should act likewise; Niles is too distracted by the gestures to process them]'' tragic death of my father. I kept the pain of that loss buried... ''[Frasier makes an anguished face and pounds his chest with his fist]'' deep within me, like a serpent... ''[getting more and more confused and angry at Frasier's gestures]'' coiled within a damp... cave- okay, that's it. ''[throws the script to the floor and grabs the balloons from the sound effect table]'' Never mind all that. I'm having just going to take this gun off the table. ''[pops a balloon]'' Sorry about that dream where O'Toole, I guess we'll never hear your fascinating piece of the puzzle. ''[pops two more balloons]'' Or yours, Kragen and Pépo! ''[mentally counts the remaining balloons as Frasier starts discarding pages of his script]'' Will the [=McAllister=] sisters stand back to back? I'm naked at Nervosa!\\
'''Frasier:''' I think a lot of people are having that dream.
* "She's The Boss":
** A side arc revolves around Niles trying to get a gun for defense,
short on bullets. ''[pops another balloon]'' Thank ''you! [to Roz]'' What was your name again, dear?\\
'''Roz:''' Mith Thowndyke.\\
'''Niles:''' Thank ''you! [pops another balloon
as the security at his house is screwing up. The second time he appears, he's bought a ''starter's pistol'', and while explaining to Martin that it gives Maris a sense of safety, he accidentally fires it. Frasier (who's been spending the entire scene trying to get some sleep) runs out drops more and more pages of his room script]'' Ah, and also Mr. Wing. ''[pops another balloon; Noel rings the bell, then silences it as Niles points to him in gratitude; Frasier is now giving him a DeathGlare, which he returns over his final line]'' And of course, one final bullet for myself, so the mystery will die with me! ''[pops the last balloon]'' HA!

[[AC:422: Are You Being Served?]]
* Five words:
[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvMZ6GADNpY#t=318s freaking out about what just happened.]]
--->'''Martin''': Niles bought a starter's pistol. \\
'''Niles''': And there's no need to get snippy, accidents happen, you know. \\
'''Frasier''': I'm sorry, was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be '''''GUNPLAY IN MY LIVING ROOM!'''''
com/watch?v=F3zWP3Mrbqs the "hot and foamy" scene]].
** The build-up is comedy gold, as Frasier is once again forced to sleep days, and Eddie - who is wearing a protective dog collar - starts barking upstairs at Niles gradually discover exactly WHAT their mother was writing about in her journal when she described Niles as passive, submissive, and easily cowed by females (thus prompting him to sign the dog who injured him. This causes divorce papers Maris has sent him): not her sons Frasier to explode as well.
--->'''Frasier:''' I asked you to keep that dog quiet
and instead you '''''OUTFIT HIM WITH A MEGAPHONE!'''''
** When
Niles, but her ''lab rats'' Frasier rages at Daphne with incredibly misogynistic insults, Martin marvels at Daphne for keeping her cool. She calmly says that and Niles.
--->'''Niles:''' ''[reading the journal]'' Do you know what this means?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[disgusted]'' Our mother named us after rodents.\\
'''Niles:''' No, it means I have ended my marriage to the woman I love based on the case history of a spineless ''rat!'' Oh my God...\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[overlapping]'' Niles... Niles...\\
'''Niles:''' ''[starting to panic]'' Oh my God, Maris has seen the papers,
it's part of her job. However, she calls Eddie too late to take a walk with a ''very'' loud whistle, causing it back!\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles, your reasoning was still sound!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[panicking more and more]'' My '''''reasoning!?''' My reasoning was based on my mother's obsession WITH '''VERMIN!''' [hurls down the journal]''
** Niles' panic attack attracts the attention of first Martin, then Daphne, as
Frasier ushers his brother into the powder room to scream splash some cold water on his face; as he tries to offer words of encouragement through the door, we hear what sounds like a gunshot, horrifying Frasier, Martin, and Daphne... until the door opens to reveal the payoff of Martin stopping Daphne from throwing out his old gadgets, including a Hot 'N Foamy shaving foam machine which he plugged into the outlet in pain offscreen.
the powder room moments earlier:
--->'''Daphne:''' Dr. Crane, are you all right?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[covered in foam]'' I'm fine. ''[{{beat}}]'' I'm just a little hot. And foamy.\\
'''Martin:''' You know what must've happened? [[CaptainObvious My Hot 'N Foamy must have exploded!]]\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[looks at Martin in utter disbelief, then back at Niles]'' [[SarcasmMode He was a detective, you know.]]\\
'''Martin:''' ''[[[SarcasmBlind nods]]]''
** [[http://www.And finally, Niles gets a call from Maris, who was just bluffing with the divorce papers; she is so shocked by his decision to sign them that she agrees to withdraw them and go into couples therapy with him. And so the episode's main plot ends by colliding with a subplot about Frasier's aversion to hugging other men as Niles throws his arms around Frasier... while still covered in shaving foam. Frasier's revolted look is priceless.

[[AC:423: Ask Me No Questions]]
* Near the beginning of the episode, Niles arrives at Frasier's apartment, unconcerned with Frasier's anger at his lateness for their squash game, as he is too busy having an affectionate phone conversation with Maris. Sickened by the display, Frasier dials Niles' mobile phone from his own landline...
-->'''Niles:''' Oh, no, I would love to meet you for lunch, but you know what Dr. Deutsch said, no meetings outside our therapy sessions. Oh, now, Maris... oh, wait, hold on a second, it's my other line. ''[presses button]'' Hello?\\
'''Frasier:''' GET THE HELL OFF THE PHONE!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares at Frasier... and proceeds to speak to him through the phone]'' How ''rude!''\\
'''Frasier:''' Please! Don't you realise it's also rude to be late for an appointment!?\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, ''you'' are telling me about being late for an appointment!?...\\
''[the Crane brothers begin talking over each other, steadily getting faster and louder, until finally an irate Frasier slams his phone down]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[whirls round to face Frasier in outrage]'' How DARE you hang up on me!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 5]]
[[AC:501: Frasier's Imaginary Friend]]
* Frasier's climactic rant of "I AM NOT CRAZY! I am dating a supermodel zoologist, whom I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galapagos Islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! Now is that so hard to believe?!" And when said supermodel-zoologist storms away in disgust at his efforts to prove such...Frasier takes the "glass half-full" view, as he swaggers past the gang, turns to them, and smirks, "''Well''...! Whadaya think o' me ''now''...?"

[[AC:502: The Gift Horse]]
* Roz has Frasier pretend to be her date to convince a man who dumped her that she has moved on (since the man in question kept calling Frasier "Fraser", he hesitantly agrees). After a false start, Roz' ex enters to see Roz and Frasier in the middle of a BigDamnKiss, and leaves with an uncomfortable look... just as Niles arrives and takes in the sight.
-->'''Niles:''' ''[off Frasier's embarrassed look]'' Hello.\\
'''Frasier:''' Hello Niles. Uh... you know, this [[NotWhatItLooksLike isn't what it looks like,]] ''[Roz continues to nuzzle and kiss Frasier]'' you see, her ex-boyfriend- oh, just stop that! ''[pushes Roz away]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[holds up his hand]'' Please, please, no explanation necessary. I assume at the next meeting of Seattle's "Haven't Kissed Roz Club," it will just be me and the archbishop! ''[chuckles]''\\
'''Roz:''' I'll save you the club dues.\\
'''Niles:''' What-?\\
''[Roz [[https://www.
youtube.com/watch?v=EC5rp7PJ8DQ Frasier's...raunchy broadcast.]] He and Roz decide to rebel against new station boss Kate Costas' decision to put them in com/watch?v=oKB_El6iTco gives Niles]] a very early morning slot unless he agrees to give priority to the "juicier" calls.
--->'''Frasier:''' In other words, '''''WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT SEX?''''' Sex, sex, ''sex sex sex sex sex''!
*** The part where Frasier starts stripping in the booth:
---->'''Roz:''' While Dr. Crane strips, our new station manager would like to know if you prefer to be the spanker or the spankee?\\
'''Caller:''' Oh, definitely the spanker.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well,
BigDamnKiss, then hop in leaves]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[shocked yet observant]'' '''''Everyone''''' kisses better than Maris!
* Frasier's deliciously hammy reaction after buying
a cab! I'm not wearing any pants! ''[swings them above his head as Roz whoops]''
*** "While Roz laces up her leather bustier, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL, all talk, all night, all naked!"
** The end credits where Martin is having trouble
big screen TV with accompanying sound system with gigantic speakers for Martin's birthday and arriving home after the TV, so Daphne puts Eddie on birthday party to see it to fix fully set up for the reception.
first time.
-->'''Frasier''': Oh, dear God ... it's '''''Stonehenge'''''.

[[AC:503: Halloween]]
* From "Halloween". Niles is on the phone with Maris as Frasier and Daphne pretend to be [[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe Merry Olde English lovers]], to Niles' consternation.



* "Shrink Rap":
** [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTHjJZaKWOE#t=4m21s Frasier and Niles start a clinic together]]. After they get on each other's nerves too much, they walk out from the therapy session they're holding to have a discussion outside, and we get this gem:
--->'''Niles:''' I'm warning you, Frasier, I have made a fist and I am thinking of using it!\\
'''Frasier:''' You are not scaring me--the thumb goes on the outside, Niles!
** This exchange:
--->'''Niles:''' How dare you try to steal my group!\\
'''Frasier:''' I don't need your group! I've got a group of my own, half a million strong!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh yes, your legions! Why don't you rent a farm, pass out the body paint and call it [=FrasierStock=]!
** Frasier finally wins the long running feud over where the place their ornamental plant by throwing it out of the window:
--->'''Frasier:''' NOW IT'LL GET ALL THE FRESH AIR IT NEEDS!!!
* From "A Mid-Winter Night's Dream", Daphne has accompanied Niles back to Maris' house to help the duo reconcile after a fight. As the romantic tension between Niles and Daphne reaches its zenith, with the two of them curled up in front of the fire as each consoles the other over their recent romantic setbacks, a Glockenspiel clock which Niles and Maris bought on their honeymoon and which has been silent for years suddenly revives, leading to this gem from Daphne:
-->'''Daphne:''' [[DoubleEntendre Dr. Crane, your glockenspiel has sprung to life!]]
* "Frasier Grinch":
** There's a Christmas-time delivery mixup between Frasier and a Mr. ''Franklin'' Crane who lives on the other side of the continent. The educational toy Frasier had picked out months ago has gone to the wrong address:
--->'''Frasier:''' ''(aghast)'' Do you know what this means?!\\
'''Niles:''' ''(ready to laugh)'' Yes. The Cranes in Maine have got your Living Brain!
** Frasier tries to read a Christmas parable he has written while the KACL Christmas party is going on around him; with Roz having been dismissed early, Gil and Bulldog more than pick up the slack when it comes to trying to derail the story. After winding lights and tinsel around him doesn't do the trick, Gil slips out while Bulldog pulls out his lighter and tries to set Frasier's script on fire:
--->'''Frasier:''' One ''[blows out Bulldog's light]'' night, one ''[blows out the lighter again]'' windy night...
** Gil returns with Candy Cane, a Santa-themed stripper Bulldog hired for the party; as she performs, Frasier just about finishes stumbling through the rest of his parable with his dignity mostly intact, then turns to leave, only to come back in, shouting "Oh, what am I, a robot?" and kissing her passionately.
--->"And to all, a good night!"
* From "Room Service":
** Lilith visits to announce her next husband left her... for a man.
--->'''Lilith:''' Brian said he wanted someone more feminine... and he found him.
** Later, Frasier meets Niles for coffee...
--->'''Frasier:''' Speaking of buns I could do without, Lilith is back.\\

to:


[[AC:506: Voyage of the Damned]]
* "Shrink Rap":
** [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTHjJZaKWOE#t=4m21s
Frasier discovers that the prestigious "celebrity cruise" Roz convinced him to participate in is actually full of hilariously lame D-listers.
-->'''Frasier:''' You've booked me on a floating [[Series/TheGongShow Gong Show!]]
* And after Roz
and Niles start a clinic together]]. After they get on each other's nerves too much, they walk out from Frasier meet [[LoungeLizard the therapy session they're holding to have a discussion outside, and we get this gem:
--->'''Niles:''' I'm warning you, Frasier,
Barracuda]]:
-->'''Barracuda:''' [[LatinLover
I have made a fist and I am thinking see you are versed in the international language of using it!\\
love.]]\\
'''Frasier:''' You Oh yes Roz, say something amusing in ''Esperanto!''
* Frasier, Roz and Martin
are not scaring me--the thumb goes trapped hiding in the bathroom of Maris's suite:
-->'''Roz:''' It's ok, I think she's gone....Oh wait! I see her coat
on the outside, Niles!
** This exchange:
--->'''Niles:''' How dare you try to steal my group!\\
hat-rack.\\
'''Frasier:''' Look closer, is the hat-rack moving?\\
'''Roz:''' Oh my ''GOD!!''
* Frasier and Roz are convinced that the Barracuda will be stopping by Maris' suite for an evening of passion; however, Martin is not up to speed on the latest turn of events:
-->''[Frasier, Roz, and Martin hear the doorbell buzz]''\\
'''Roz:''' It's the Barracuda!\\
'''Martin:''' Who's the Barracuda?\\
'''Roz:''' He's a sleazy Latin lounge singer Maris is going to sleep with to get back at Niles for kissing Mimi!\\
'''Martin:''' Who's Mimi?\\
'''Frasier:''' A horny society boozer and the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_O%27Leary Mrs. O'Leary's cow]] of our current predicament!\\
'''Martin:''' [[DerailedForDetails Who's Mrs. O'Leary?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' A woman in Chicago who- oh,
I don't need your group! I've got a group have the time!
* Against all odds, Niles has smoothed things over with Maris, and she has invited him back to her suite for champagne. When Frasier, Roz, and Martin tell him she gargled with mouthwash while they were hiding in her bathroom, he implies that an evening
of my own, half a million strong!\\
lovemaking is on the agenda as well. He opens the door to join her, and we get this gem:
-->'''Niles:''' Oh, damn. [[DoubleEntendre She started without me.]]\\
'''Frasier, Roz, Martin:''' ''[grimacing]'' Ewww...\\
'''Niles:''' Oh yes, your legions! Why don't you rent a farm, pass out ''[glares at them]'' Drinking the body paint and call it [=FrasierStock=]!
** Frasier finally wins the long running feud over where the place their ornamental plant by throwing it out of the window:
--->'''Frasier:''' NOW IT'LL GET ALL THE FRESH AIR IT NEEDS!!!
champagne.\\
'''Frasier, Roz, Martin:''' ''[relieved]'' Ohh.

[[AC:511: Ain't Nobody's Business if 'I Do']]
* From "A Mid-Winter Night's Dream", Daphne has accompanied Niles back to Maris' house to help is worried about the duo reconcile after a fight. As the romantic tension between Niles and Daphne reaches its zenith, with the two future of them curled up in front of the fire as each consoles the other over their recent romantic setbacks, a Glockenspiel clock her job if Martin marries Sherry, to which Niles and Maris bought on their honeymoon and which has been silent for years suddenly revives, leading tries to this gem from Daphne:
-->'''Daphne:''' [[DoubleEntendre Dr. Crane, your glockenspiel has sprung to life!]]
* "Frasier Grinch":
** There's a Christmas-time delivery mixup between Frasier and a Mr. ''Franklin'' Crane who lives on the other side of the continent. The educational toy Frasier had picked out months ago has gone to the wrong address:
--->'''Frasier:''' ''(aghast)'' Do you
console her:
-->'''Niles:''' [[ThatCameOutWrong I could certainly use you... I would
know what this means?!\\
of a position you could... Services you could... A hole that needs...]]\\
''(Niles grabs the cheque)''\\
'''Niles:''' ''(ready to laugh)'' Yes. This is on me.

[[AC:514:
The Cranes in Maine have got your Living Brain!
**
Ski Lodge]]
* This episode marks the series' most explicit homage to the farces of writers like Georges Feydeau, and the entire second half is an utter triumph for the writers.
Frasier tries persuades Roz to read a Christmas parable he give him the ski lodge weekend she has written won in a church raffle, and takes along Niles, Martin, Daphne, and Daphne's DumbBlonde friend Annie; the weekend includes ski lessons from French former Olympian Guy. Niles (in the early stages of divorcing Maris) is more determined than ever to pursue Daphne, who is more interested in Guy; meanwhile, Annie has her eye on Niles, while the KACL Christmas party Frasier is hoping to seduce Annie. And as for Guy... he's especially interested in Niles. All it takes is Martin's cold-induced hearing impairment leading to a few miscommunications and Daphne and Annie accidentally going on around him; with Roz having been dismissed early, Gil into each other's bedrooms in front of Frasier and Bulldog more than pick up Niles, then swapping back after the slack when it comes to trying to derail brothers have gone into their own rooms, and the story. After winding lights stage is set for a series of doors opening and tinsel around him doesn't do closing and shock discoveries of the trick, Gil slips out while Bulldog pulls out his lighter and tries wrong people in the wrong beds in states of undress. As if that weren't enough, Guy interprets Daphne's attempts to set keep Annie away from Niles (due to her history as a maneater) as a sign that they're in a lesbian relationship. Everything gets topped off by Frasier's script on fire:
--->'''Frasier:''' One ''[blows out Bulldog's light]'' night, one ''[blows out
perfect summation:
-->'''Frasier:''' Let me see if I can get this straight. All
the lighter again]'' windy night...
** Gil
lust coursing through this lodge tonight, all the hormones virtually ricocheting off the walls, and ''no one...was chasing me? [everyone else absorbs this]'' See you at breakfast.[[note]] In TheStinger, Annie tries knocking on Frasier's door with a bottle of spirits, but returns with Candy Cane, a Santa-themed stripper Bulldog hired for the party; as she performs, Frasier to her room, deflated... unaware that he had just about finishes stumbling through stepped out to the rest of his parable with his dignity mostly intact, then turns to leave, only to come back in, shouting "Oh, what am I, kitchen for a robot?" and kissing her passionately.
--->"And to all, a good night!"
moment.[[/note]]

[[AC:515: Room Service]]
* From "Room Service":
**
Lilith visits to announce her next husband left her... for a man.
--->'''Lilith:''' -->'''Lilith:''' Brian said he wanted someone more feminine... and he found him.
** * Later, Frasier meets Niles for coffee...
--->'''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' Speaking of buns I could do without, Lilith is back.\\



** Frasier worries that with Lilith vulnerable after her husband has left her, they will end up in bed together against their better judgement. At the episode's halfway point, Lilith wakes up, having slept with... Niles. The significance of the episode's title comes into play when a room service waiter delivers their breakfast (Eggs Benedict for Niles, Eggs Florentine for Lilith). Lilith sends him away for ketchup; when he returns, Frasier is in the room with Lilith instead, and, unaware of Niles' presence, asks the waiter to bring up some Eggs Benedict. When the flummoxed waiter returns with Frasier's breakfast, he finds Frasier and ''Niles'' in the room.
* "Frasier Has Spokane":
-->'''Herm Evans''': [[WeNeedADistraction Hey, what's this over here?]] Free liquor?!? [[note]]As the KQZY station manager, he was trying to distract the press during a disastrous press conference announcing Frasier's replacing of a Spokane radio legend.[[/note]]
* In "Daphne Does Dinner", Daphne, now a member of the Crane family, shows she's really a member by throwing a dinner party. You can see where we're going here...
** Daphne tells Niles that his track record for throwing parties with Frasier is a disaster, so Niles excludes a very indignant Frasier from the preparation process. The party is intended to celebrate a painting by artist Mike Shaw (who will be attending) that Niles is donating to an art gallery. However, as Roz prepares to leave after helping set things up, she and Daphne discover that Roz' daughter Alice has written her name in crayon on the Shaw painting, and Daphne sends Roz and the painting to an art restorer while replacing the painting with one of Alice's drawings and covering it with a cloth. She then has to spend the rest of the evening defending it from one of the guest's attempts to get a peek.
--->'''Daphne:''' You've got two choices: you can either walk away from the painting, or you can limp away from the painting.
** While she is distracted, the Cornish hens in the oven catch fire, and the caterers have closed for the day, necessitating an emergency call to Frasier...
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[hanging up the phone]'' As usual, Frasier has to save the day.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[not looking up from scratching the back of Eddie's neck]'' As usual, Martin has to hear about it.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[taking a pan of Cornish hens out of the oven and pulling a sheet of foil off a roll]'' Suit up, boys! We're goin' in!
** The argument between Frasier and Niles means that Frasier's presence in the kitchen must be kept secret from Niles (resulting in Daphne physically ejecting Niles from the kitchen as the evening wears on); meanwhile, an unenthusiastic Shaw, a plain-spoken older man in a plaid shirt with a cane, arrives and ends up going upstairs with Daphne's mother. Two guests leave early after having met Shaw and describe him to Niles, who notices the description matches Martin - who has just arrived after Frasier asked him to bring over some ramekins. Convinced Martin has been mistaken for Shaw, Niles tries to usher him out, but the other guests begin engaging him in conversation, and soon he is launching himself enthusiastically into the role by verbally tearing into every piece of art Niles owns, with the guests hanging on his every word. (What we see of the real Shaw, who despises pretentious "art connoisseurs", suggests he might well do something similar...)
** Frasier's presence and the painting's absence finally collide when Niles, who has known Frasier was in the kitchen for a while, struggles with him and ends up getting coated in his signature Cornish hen sauce. Martin grabs the nearest cloth so that Niles can clean himself off... and it's the cloth covering Alice's crayon drawing. Daphne almost smooths things over... until the fact that she ordered the installers of Niles' new chandelier to stay on and end up performing a rush job comes back to bite her, as the chandelier brings down the whole living room ceiling - and her mother's bed, with Mike Shaw and Mrs. Moon snuggling under a pile of coats.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[putting his arm around Daphne]'' Daphne, congratulations. You're now officially a Crane. ''[Daphne bursts into tears]''
** In TheStinger, Niles walks into the still ruined living room on his way to work and shouts up through the hole in the ceiling for his briefcase.
* "They're Playing Our Song": Only Frasier could take a simple request for a pre-show jingle and turn it into [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrEAfdUmY4w this.]]

to:

** * Frasier worries that with Lilith vulnerable after her husband has left her, they will end up in bed together against their better judgement. At the episode's halfway point, Lilith wakes up, having slept with... Niles. The significance of the episode's title comes into play when a room service waiter delivers their breakfast (Eggs Benedict for Niles, Eggs Florentine for Lilith). Lilith sends him away for ketchup; when he returns, Frasier is in the room with Lilith instead, and, unaware of Niles' presence, asks the waiter to bring up some Eggs Benedict. When the flummoxed waiter returns with Frasier's breakfast, he finds Frasier and ''Niles'' in the room.
room.

[[AC:519: Frasier Gotta Have It]]
* "Frasier Has Spokane":
-->'''Herm Evans''': [[WeNeedADistraction Hey, what's this over here?]] Free liquor?!? [[note]]As the KQZY station manager, he was trying to distract the press during a disastrous press conference announcing
Frasier's replacing of a Spokane radio legend.[[/note]]
* In "Daphne Does Dinner", Daphne, now a member of the Crane family, shows she's really a member by throwing a dinner party. You can see where we're going here...
** Daphne tells Niles that his track record for throwing parties
fling with Frasier is a disaster, so Niles excludes a very indignant Frasier from an extreme GranolaGirl. He starts to get turned off when he finds out she installed meat hooks on her ceiling, cuts her own hair and puts it in her pillows, uses dead mice for her artwork, and howls at the preparation process. The party is intended to celebrate moon like a painting by artist Mike Shaw (who will be attending) that Niles is donating to an art gallery. However, as Roz prepares to leave after helping set things up, she wolf. He's fleeing when Caitlyn asks, "Don't you think I'm worth it" and Daphne discover that Roz' daughter Alice has written removes her name in crayon on the Shaw painting, and Daphne sends top. Frasier's response: he howls like a wolf.

[[AC:521:
Roz and the painting to an art restorer while replacing the painting with one of Alice's drawings and covering it with a cloth. She then has to spend the rest of the evening defending it from Schnoz]]
* This is
one of the guest's attempts to get a peek.
--->'''Daphne:''' You've got two choices: you can either walk away from the painting, or you can limp away from the painting.
** While she is distracted, the Cornish hens
funniest episodes in the oven catch fire, and series, when Roz finds out the caterers grandparents of her unborn child have closed for gigantic noses - and they are completely oblivious to the day, necessitating an emergency call to Frasier...
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[hanging up the phone]'' As usual, Frasier has to save the day.
fact, which leaves everyone in stitches when they're not watching. It gets especially funny when they keep dropping unintentional {{Pun}}s like how their dogs were '''schnauzers'''.
-->'''Paula:''' Do you mind if I ask? Is this homemade or store-bought?\\
'''Steve:''' Honey, don't ask that! Pardon my wife, sometimes she gets a little '''''nosey'''''.
\\
'''Martin:''' ''[not looking up from scratching '''Paula:''' Me '''''nosey'''''? You're the back of Eddie's neck]'' As usual, Martin has to hear about it.'''''nosey''''' one in the family.\\
'''Steve:''' Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosey'''''!\\
'''Paula:''' Anyone who '''''knows''''' you '''''knows''''' you're '''''nosier'''''!\\
''(At this point, Niles, Daphne and Martin are mightily struggling to keep from collapsing in laughter. Even Frasier finally cracks and guffaws in the kitchen.)''
* Frasier tries to console Roz, but she says what everyone is probably thinking:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know Roz, in spite of a rather shaky beginning, I think this evening's turned out rather well.\\
'''Roz:''' Oh yeah, and you were absolutely right, Frasier. Now I can see some of the qualities my baby can have. A great sense of humor... a sweet disposition... '''[[{{Angrish}} a nose like an ANTEATER!]]'''!
* Finally, Roz gets some relief that Rick, the father, had a normal nose. Then she learns that Rick broke his nose in a hockey accident, and had plastic surgery to fix it. Steve and Paula give her a picture of Rick from ''before'' the surgery. After they leave, Roz's reaction to the picture is predictable:
-->'''Roz:''' '''''Oh my GOD!'''''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[taking Oh, come on, Roz! It can't be that bad, let me have a pan of Cornish hens out of look!\\
'''Roz:''' No, no way, no! I'll never hear
the oven and pulling a sheet end of foil off a roll]'' Suit up, boys! We're goin' in!
** The argument between
it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Please.\\
''(Roz shows
Frasier the photos. He looks... and quickly shows them to Niles means and Daphne. They stare.)''\\
'''Niles:''' ''(awed)'' Where '''''is''''' the end of it?
* After everything's been settled, Daphne still {{Troll}}s Roz:
-->'''Roz:''' Oh, I just felt a kick.\\
'''Daphne:''' You sure it wasn't a sneeze?\\
'''Roz:''' ''(amiably)'' Ha. ha.
* Martin's failed excursion to San Francisco, as he tells Frasier:
-->'''Martin:''' Aw, Frisco was a bust! All our watering holes are gone, the steakhouse is a sushi bar! And then this morning me and Duke decide to go for a walk. We pass by City Hall, and there's some sort of gathering, kinda like a pep rally. Well, some official guy up front says something we didn't hear, and next thing you know, everyone's throwing rice, [[HoYay and all the men are kissing each other]], [[LesYay and all the women are kissing each other]], and I'm not sure but [[AccidentalMarriage I think Duke and I may be married]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 6]]
[[AC:603: Dial M for Martin]]
* Niles enters Cafe Nervosa to find Roz and Martin sharing a table:
-->'''Niles:''' I'm not interrupting anything personal, am I?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[takes Martin's hand]'' Yeah, Niles, we just eloped. I'm your new mom. ''[Martin pats her hand]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[smirks]'' Well, I'll be a son of a bitch. ''[Roz shoots him a DeathGlare]''

[[AC:605: First, Do No Harm]]
* This exchange in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. TooMuchInformation at its finest:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know, you're jealous. You're jealous
that I'm having sex. Jealous that I'm having hot, passionate, sweaty jungle sex. What are you having?\\
''[he doesn't notice the waitress behind him]''\\
'''Niles:''' I'm having a latte.

[[AC:607: How to Bury a Millionaire]]
* Niles' guided tour of his new apartment in the Shangri-La, especially the 'master bedroom' and the heavy hints as to what became of its last tenant.

[[AC:614: Three Valentines]]
* Niles' vignette, "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mWiPaQ872c A Valentine for Niles]]." Comparisons to Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin are not unwarranted. It was billed as "The funniest five minutes on television" in the ads. They're right. The only sound is the soundtrack (two pieces by Mozart; the finale of Symphony No.40, and the overture to ''Theatre/TheMarriageOfFigaro''), and it is perfect. It all starts with Niles noticing the crease in one of his trouser legs is crooked, and ends with Niles unconscious and trouserless in the doorway of
Frasier's presence apartment, the living room and dining room covered with fire extinguisher foam, and Eddie eating the remains of Niles' dinner off the still-smouldering couch where it landed. Eddie's reactions to the chaos unfolding in front of him only add to the hilarity.

[[AC:615: To Tell the Truth]]
* Niles' divorce from Maris goes from bad to worse:
-->'''Niles:''' That's it. I've lost. Maris has won...Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That why Niles lives
in the kitchen must be kept secret from Niles (resulting in Daphne physically ejecting Niles from the kitchen as the evening wears on); meanwhile, an unenthusiastic Shaw, a plain-spoken older man in a plaid shirt with a cane, arrives Shangri-La and ends drives a [[FelonyMisdemeanor HATCHBACK!]]

[[AC:617: The Dinner Party]]
* ''The entire episode'' is one long string of Crowning Moments building
up going upstairs with Daphne's mother. Two to future Crowning Moments. To recap some of them:
** The brothers agree they can each black ball three
guests leave early after having met Shaw and describe him to Niles, who notices they don't want at the description matches Martin - who has just arrived after titular party. When Frasier asked him throws in a fourth ball, Niles catches on and reaches into the bowl.
--->'''Niles''': This is a dried-up old fig! \\
'''Frasier:''' So is Lucy Cromwell, I don't want her at my party.
** They call the Walburts
to bring over some ramekins. Convinced Martin has been mistaken for Shaw, invite them, but when Mrs. Walburt doesn't hang up properly they overhear her saying it doesn't matter which "Dr. Crane" invited them, "you get the one you get that other one. Personally I think the whole thing is a little..."
** At first,
Niles tries to usher him out, but the other guests begin engaging him in conversation, and soon he is launching himself enthusiastically into the role by verbally tearing into every piece of art Niles owns, with the guests hanging on his every word. (What we see of the real Shaw, who despises pretentious "art connoisseurs", suggests he might well do something similar...)
** Frasier's presence and the painting's absence finally collide when Niles, who has known Frasier was in the kitchen for a while, struggles with him and ends up getting coated in his signature Cornish hen sauce. Martin grabs the nearest cloth so that Niles can clean himself off... and it's the cloth covering Alice's crayon drawing. Daphne almost smooths things over... until the fact that she ordered the installers of Niles' new chandelier to stay on and end up performing a rush job comes back to bite her,
pass it off as the chandelier brings down the whole living room ceiling - and her mother's bed, with Mike Shaw and Mrs. Moon snuggling under a pile of coats.
compliment.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[putting his arm around Daphne]'' Daphne, congratulations. Oh? Is there a ''good'' end to that sentence?! "Personally, I think the whole thing is a little ''charming''"?!
** Cue the pair arguing over who's "the one" and who's "that other one".
--->'''Frasier:''' Perhaps she has a point. Ever since your divorce you have become more and more attached to me. Maybe that's why she said what she said.\\
'''Niles:''' What?\\
'''Frasier:''' You get Frasier, you get that Niles!\\
'''Niles:''' She didn't say that. She said "you get the one, you get that other one." What makes you think that you're the one and I'm that other one?!\\
'''Frasier:''' I am the one giving the party, and you are that other one!\\
'''Niles:''' I'm the one that invited her, so that makes you that other one!\\
''later, after some more arguing''\\
'''Niles:''' This is absurd! Why don't we just call Allison up and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us? We can both get her on an extension.\\
'''Frasier:''' Great idea, Niles! Better yet, why don't we just get on a bicycle built for two, ride over there and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us!
** It culminates in this:
--->'''Niles:''' Why is Joaquin on such a strict diet?\\
'''Frasier:''' Because the Joaquin they're bringing to dinner is... their foster child! From a tiny village on the pampas. He speaks no English and he gets nauseated when he eats American food!\\
'''Niles:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint So, he's not the conductor of the Buenos Aires Philharmonic?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(beat)'' '''''Oh, you are SO "that other one"!'''''
** They ask Martin:
--->'''Frasier:''' Dad, do you think we're odd? \\
''({{beat}})'' \\
'''Martin:''' No, you're not odd.
You're now officially just "special". Your mother told me that when you were kids and I still believe it.
** This also sets up TheStinger when Martin tells the two about two eccentric brothers who shared
a New York apartment and built a maze out of newspapers that one got lost in and died. After bidding farewell to Niles, Frasier takes a stack of newspapers out for recycling.
** Frasier summing up their condition when their favorite guests have to cancel.
--->'''Niles:''' So where does that leave us? \\
'''Frasier:''' Well, let's see... we have a third-rate caterer with a record, a couple of lushes, a couple who think we're both nutcases, an Argentine wild child and Roz! ''(throws down list)'' Dinner is served!
** The party plans become such a disaster that Niles has no choice but to ''black ball himself''.
** The B-story features Daphne and Roz going to an embassy ball. A stain on one of the dresses forces them to deal with who will wear the elegant LittleBlackDress and who will wear the more... suggestive dress. Predictably, guess who wears the latter dress?
--->'''Daphne:''' Doesn't she look beautiful!\\
'''Roz:''' ''(extremely annoyed)'' Oh, shut it, Daphne! I know you think I look like a hooker.\\
'''Daphne:''' No, I said it made ''me'' look like a hooker. On you... well, it works!

[[AC:618: Taps at the Montana]]
* Niles's cockatoo [[NotInFrontOfTheParrot has an amazing gift for latching onto the wrong dialogue.]]
-->'''Cockatoo:''' AWK! Stuff it, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''Ohhhhh'' don't tempt me.
* The next time we see the cockatoo, she is lying dead on the kitchen table, so Frasier and Daphne cover her with a dish towel before breaking the news to Niles. Then one of his party guests enters, having spilled wine on her blouse, and reaches for the towel. Daphne quickly pushes the towel down and says she should use something much better, as Niles hands her... a piece of bread. She goes along with it, describing bread as "nature's sponge", but the look she exchanges with Niles afterward is hysterical.

[[AC:620: Dr. Nora]]
* Three words: "'''''[[MyBelovedSmother YOU LITTLE WHORE!!!]]'''''" The StuntCasting makes it even better, since Nora's mother is played by Piper Laurie, an actress whose best-known role involves [[Film/{{Carrie}} slut-shaming her daughter.]]
-->'''Mrs. Mulhearne:''' So, you thought you could get away from me, did you? Thought you could leave me to rot in that dump without [[TheAlcoholic barely enough cash for a bottle of Mateus]]! You'll pay for that, missy!\\
'''Roz:''' ''(jumping for joy)'' I was wrong, Frasier. Your way ''is'' better!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 7]]
[[AC:701: Momma Mia]]
* Frasier begins dating a woman whom Niles and Martin immediately notice as a dead ringer for the late Hester
Crane. ''[Daphne bursts into tears]''
** In TheStinger,
However, Frasier hasn't noticed the resemblance between his mother and his girlfriend, leading to the following hilarious exchange between Niles walks into and Martin after Frasier berates Niles for his bug phobia and insists he seek professional help:
-->'''Martin:''' ''God'', she looks just like your mother!\\
'''Niles:''' I know. And Frasier... doesn't see it.\\
'''Martin:''' You're kidding!\\
'''Niles:''' No. And he has
the gall to tell me ''I'm'' blind. He's ''clearly'' the one dealing with repressed material, not to mention the obvious Oedipal issues.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[nodding]'' Argle gargle google goop.\\
'''Niles:''' ... what?!\\
'''Martin:''' Now you know how it feels, ''what are you talking about!?''

[[AC:702: Father of the Bride]]
* After Frasier accidentally offers to pay for Daphne's wedding [[ItMakesSenseInContext (due to a bad case of the hiccups),]] he and Martin are desperate for an excuse to back out without hurting Daphne's feelings. Cue the following:
-->'''Martin:''' Donnie's not gonna let us pay for this! We're not even family!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes! You saw how he proposed, on bended knee! He's nothing if not a hopeless romantic!\\
''[Frasier opens the door to find Donnie on the phone]''\\
'''Donnie:''' Any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash!
* Later in the same episode, Frasier is [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qaQNnkq4xI desperately]] trying to convince Niles that his new "girlfriend" Sabrina is actually a high-class call girl:
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say? Is she ''fascinated'' by everything about you?\\
'''Niles:''' Well...\\
'''Frasier:''' Even your collections?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[Defensively]'' Yes. I even showed her my collection of rare 18th century Portuguese bud vases.\\
'''Frasier:''' And how did she respond?\\
'''Niles:''' If you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collects porcelain and [[ExplainExplainOhCrap oh my God, I'm dating a whore!]] ... They have my ''credit card number''! I've been running up a ''tab''!

[[AC:707: A Tsar is Born]]
* One word: "[[DrinkingGame VENEER!]]"
-->'''Sara Briggs:'''[[note]] In her capacity as presenter of ''The Antiques Roadshow''.[[/note]] But the real masterwork is the unique Art Deco headboard. It features a variety of veneers.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take a sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' Mahogany veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... burled walnut veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take yet another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... and zebra wood veneer.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' ''[now looking a bit dizzy]'' VENEER! ''[they
still ruined living room all take a sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' And now, back to our...\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, God... next week we gotta pick a different word.

[[AC:709: The Apparent Trap]]
* Martin knocks
on his way to work the front door after hiding from Lilith and shouts up asks Frasier in a bad whisper, "Is the witch gone yet?" and sees her over Frasier's shoulder. "Oh, Lilith! I was just asking Frasier - is my twitch gone yet?" Complete with very bad fake facial tic. To which Lilith only deadpans, "Skillfully done, Martin."
* Niles is going to say goodbye to Freddy and finds him playing a [=PS2=]. Freddy gets him to play and everything afterwords is pure gold.
-->'''Freddy''': That's your guy, you've just escaped from an intergalactic maximum-security prison pod.\\
'''Niles''': Like they could hold me.\\
''[Niles immediately dies by falling over in the training level.]''
** He then spends the entire episode failing at the game, and when Lilith comes
through to talk to him, she takes the hole in controller and starts playing. Extremely well.
** At
the ceiling for his briefcase.
* "They're
instant when Lilith enters the room, the game character screams.

[[AC:713: They're
Playing Our Song": Song]]
*
Only Frasier could take a simple request for a pre-show jingle and turn it into [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrEAfdUmY4w this.]]



* Almost everything about the episode "The Doctor is Out".
** Niles chooses the worst possible moment to shout above the music in a gay bar:
--->'''Niles:''' (''to Frasier, just as the loud music cuts out'') [[SevenMinuteLull WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE ME HOME!?]]
** When the techno blares out in full force, Frasier starts ''bobbing to the beat''.
** Creator/PatrickStewart as Alistair giving a nice twist on the {{Gaydar}} trope--in that his character is ''himself'' gay. His reaction to Niles being married to Daphne:
--->'''Alistair''': ''No''.\\
'''Niles''': Oh, we're expecting!\\
'''Alistair''': Can't say ''I'' was...!
** Then you have Alistair inviting Frasier to a party and to watch an opera rehearsal. Niles has stood up and is pining to be taken, too.
--->'''Frasier:''' I would love that. Let me just grab my coffee. Good-bye, Dad. ''(mocking)'' Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''(jealous)'' Did you ''see'' that? I would ''kill'' to go to that party. ''(pouts)'' I was at that gay bar too, you know.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(annoyed)'' Let's see: one of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. [[SarcasmMode Yep, life is good.]]
** Daphne says she fantasizes about being a buddy of Peter O'Toole. When everyone is invited to Alistair's party:
--->'''Daphne:''' Will Creator/PeterOToole be there?\\
'''Alistair:''' [[NoodleIncident No - and he knows why!]]
** Frasier and Alistair are tangoing, very closely, as Frasier tries to "break up" with him.
--->'''Alistair:''' I want to thank you for waiting.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(nervous)'' Oh no, the waiting was good, I enjoyed the waiting.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(hungrily)'' Oh, me ''too''! How it sharpens the appetite. ''(holds Frasier closer)'' How it builds! The intensity, the heat, the desire! Can you feel it?!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(horrified)'' [[RagingStiffie Oh yes, there it is!]]
** Followed by this:
--->'''Glinka:''' Don't they make a stunning couple?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(barely bursting from laughing)'' I'm more stunned by them each day.
** The episode ends on Frasier "breaking up" with Alistair, with this corker of an exchange.
--->'''Alistair:''' Would you mind staying tonight until my other guests have gone? I'd hate my friends to think I've been jilted.\\
'''Frasier:''' Of course.\\
'''Alistair:''' It won't be very late. Around about 3:00 it's down to the core crowd, and we'll all relax and unwind.\\
'''Servant:''' It's after midnight, sir. Shall I fire up the hot tub?\\
'''Alistair:''' Absolutely.\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm afraid I don't have a bathing suit.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(smiling)'' Then you'll fit right in.\\
''(Frasier's smile freezes as the implications dawn on him.)''
* "The First Temptation of Daphne":
** In the B plot, a particularly noisy cricket invades Frasier's apartment. Martin insists that Eddie, as a terrier, is a born hunter, and sics him on the cricket. Eddie immediately begins chasing his own tail.
** Time passes, and Frasier is unable to sleep through the cricket's chirping, leaving him a nervous wreck.
--->'''Frasier''': Dear god, can't you make him ''shut up''!?\\
'''Martin''': That prayer doesn't get answered around here.
* "The Apparent Trap":
** Niles is going to say goodbye to Freddy and finds him playing a [=PS2=]. Freddy gets him to play and everything afterwords is pure gold.
--->'''Freddy''': That's your guy, you've just escaped from an intergalactic maximum-security prison pod.\\
'''Niles''': Like they could hold me.\\
''[Niles immediately dies by falling over in the training level.]''
** He then spends the entire episode failing at the game, and when Lilith comes through to talk to him, she takes the controller and starts playing. Extremely well.
** At the instant when Lilith enters the room, the game character screams.
* After a mishap concerning getting out of paying for a parking garage he didn't use, Frasier rushes back to KACL in time to finish his show. Unfortunately, Roz, in her attempts to fill in for him, unintentionally told everyone that she slept with Frasier. When asked about what happened during "the incident", Frasier describes the ''parking garage'' incident instead.
-->"Well, it certainly wasn't my finest hour. I got in, realized I made a mistake and then tried like hell to get out. There was a lot of shouting and then a line started to form behind me. You'd be surprised how long 20 minutes can be when you're watching the clock. Fortunately, my brother was there to serve as moral support, and (let's face it) someone to talk to. At least, in the end, I got out of there without paying the four dollars."
* There's an absolutely hysterical FunnyBackgroundEvent at the end of "The Proposal". Daphne has just accepted Niles' proposal after Frasier has surreptitiously ushered out the musicians, waiters and angels who he and Niles had hired to make it memorable. A man with a trumpet walks out of the bedroom upstairs, about to play a fanfare as Daphne and Niles embrace... And Frasier tackles him back into the room.
* "Out with Dad" is MistakenForGay at its finest.
** In the first scene, you have this exchange of insults when Niles tries to get Frasier to give his opera ticket to Mel.
--->'''Niles:''' ''[entering Frasier's apartment on the phone]'' I can't wait either! I, I, I'll see you in twenty minutes, valentine! ''[makes kissing noise into phone, then hangs up]''\\

to:

* Almost everything about the episode "The Doctor is Out".
** Niles chooses the worst possible moment to shout above the music in a gay bar:
--->'''Niles:''' (''to Frasier, just as the loud music cuts out'') [[SevenMinuteLull WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE ME HOME!?]]
** When the techno blares out in full force, Frasier starts ''bobbing to the beat''.
** Creator/PatrickStewart as Alistair giving a nice twist on the {{Gaydar}} trope--in that his character is ''himself'' gay. His reaction to Niles being married to Daphne:
--->'''Alistair''': ''No''.\\
'''Niles''': Oh, we're expecting!\\
'''Alistair''': Can't say ''I'' was...!
** Then you have Alistair inviting Frasier to a party and to watch an opera rehearsal. Niles has stood up and is pining to be taken, too.
--->'''Frasier:''' I would love that. Let me just grab my coffee. Good-bye, Dad. ''(mocking)'' Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''(jealous)'' Did you ''see'' that? I would ''kill'' to go to that party. ''(pouts)'' I was at that gay bar too, you know.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(annoyed)'' Let's see: one of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. [[SarcasmMode Yep, life is good.]]
** Daphne says she fantasizes about being a buddy of Peter O'Toole. When everyone is invited to Alistair's party:
--->'''Daphne:''' Will Creator/PeterOToole be there?\\
'''Alistair:''' [[NoodleIncident No - and he knows why!]]
** Frasier and Alistair are tangoing, very closely, as Frasier tries to "break up"

[[AC:715: Out
with him.
--->'''Alistair:''' I want to thank you for waiting.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(nervous)'' Oh no, the waiting was good, I enjoyed the waiting.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(hungrily)'' Oh, me ''too''! How it sharpens the appetite. ''(holds Frasier closer)'' How it builds! The intensity, the heat, the desire! Can you feel it?!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(horrified)'' [[RagingStiffie Oh yes, there it is!]]
** Followed by this:
--->'''Glinka:''' Don't they make a stunning couple?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(barely bursting from laughing)'' I'm more stunned by them each day.
** The episode ends on Frasier "breaking up" with Alistair, with this corker of an exchange.
--->'''Alistair:''' Would you mind staying tonight until my other guests have gone? I'd hate my friends to think I've been jilted.\\
'''Frasier:''' Of course.\\
'''Alistair:''' It won't be very late. Around about 3:00 it's down to the core crowd, and we'll all relax and unwind.\\
'''Servant:''' It's after midnight, sir. Shall I fire up the hot tub?\\
'''Alistair:''' Absolutely.\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm afraid I don't have a bathing suit.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(smiling)'' Then you'll fit right in.\\
''(Frasier's smile freezes as the implications dawn on him.)''
Dad]]
* "The First Temptation of Daphne":
** In the B plot, a particularly noisy cricket invades Frasier's apartment. Martin insists that Eddie, as a terrier, is a born hunter, and sics him on the cricket. Eddie immediately begins chasing his own tail.
** Time passes, and Frasier is unable to sleep through the cricket's chirping, leaving him a nervous wreck.
--->'''Frasier''': Dear god, can't you make him ''shut up''!?\\
'''Martin''': That prayer doesn't get answered around here.
* "The Apparent Trap":
** Niles is going to say goodbye to Freddy and finds him playing a [=PS2=]. Freddy gets him to play and everything afterwords is pure gold.
--->'''Freddy''': That's your guy, you've just escaped from an intergalactic maximum-security prison pod.\\
'''Niles''': Like they could hold me.\\
''[Niles immediately dies by falling over in the training level.]''
** He then spends the entire episode failing at the game, and when Lilith comes through to talk to him, she takes the controller and starts playing. Extremely well.
** At the instant when Lilith enters the room, the game character screams.
* After a mishap concerning getting out of paying for a parking garage he didn't use, Frasier rushes back to KACL in time to finish his show. Unfortunately, Roz, in her attempts to fill in for him, unintentionally told everyone that she slept with Frasier. When asked about what happened during "the incident", Frasier describes the ''parking garage'' incident instead.
-->"Well, it certainly wasn't my finest hour. I got in, realized I made a mistake and then tried like hell to get out. There was a lot of shouting and then a line started to form behind me. You'd be surprised how long 20 minutes can be when you're watching the clock. Fortunately, my brother was there to serve as moral support, and (let's face it) someone to talk to. At least, in the end, I got out of there without paying the four dollars."
* There's an absolutely hysterical FunnyBackgroundEvent at the end of "The Proposal". Daphne has just accepted Niles' proposal after Frasier has surreptitiously ushered out the musicians, waiters and angels who he and Niles had hired to make it memorable. A man with a trumpet walks out of the bedroom upstairs, about to play a fanfare as Daphne and Niles embrace... And Frasier tackles him back into the room.
* "Out with Dad" is MistakenForGay at its finest.
**
In the first scene, you have this exchange of insults when Niles tries to get Frasier to give his opera ticket to Mel.
--->'''Niles:''' -->'''Niles:''' ''[entering Frasier's apartment on the phone]'' I can't wait either! I, I, I'll see you in twenty minutes, valentine! ''[makes kissing noise into phone, then hangs up]''\\



** Deciding to make his move on Emily Browning, a fellow operagoer, Frasier recruits Martin to accompany him, but Martin inadvertently attracts the eye of Emily's mother, Helen, and, wanting to spare her feelings, confirms her guess that his lack of interest is because he is gay. Emily agrees to go back to Frasier's apartment with him, but Martin's lie comes back to bite him when Emily and Helen agree that Emily's uncle, Edward, would be a perfect match for Martin, and he accompanies Emily back to Frasier's. Frasier learns of Martin's lie from Emily and confronts him over it, but is unable to explain that Edward has been brought as a prospective match for him before he agrees to "gay it up" a little. It all builds up to the following hilarious exchange:
--->'''Edward:''' ''[off Martin's claim that he stoked Frasier's interest in art and "upholstery"]'' Were you in the arts?\\

to:

** * Deciding to make his move on Emily Browning, a fellow operagoer, Frasier recruits Martin to accompany him, but Martin inadvertently attracts the eye of Emily's mother, Helen, and, wanting to spare her feelings, confirms her guess that his lack of interest is because he is gay. Emily agrees to go back to Frasier's apartment with him, but Martin's lie comes back to bite him when Emily and Helen agree that Emily's uncle, Edward, would be a perfect match for Martin, and he accompanies Emily back to Frasier's. Frasier learns of Martin's lie from Emily and confronts him over it, but is unable to explain that Edward has been brought as a prospective match for him before he agrees to "gay it up" a little. It all builds up to the following hilarious exchange:
--->'''Edward:''' -->'''Edward:''' ''[off Martin's claim that he stoked Frasier's interest in art and "upholstery"]'' Were you in the arts?\\



** Martin asks Frasier to accompany him to the kitchen to confront him over the setup, but Frasier refuses to come clean in the interest of preserving his date with Emily and to make Martin squirm after he lied to Helen. They emerge from the kitchen to find Edward and Emily talking to Daphne, who is no stranger to being set up with gay men herself (cf. "The Matchmaker"):
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[exiting the kitchen with Martin]'' Daphne!\\

to:

** * Martin asks Frasier to accompany him to the kitchen to confront him over the setup, but Frasier refuses to come clean in the interest of preserving his date with Emily and to make Martin squirm after he lied to Helen. They emerge from the kitchen to find Edward and Emily talking to Daphne, who is no stranger to being set up with gay men herself (cf. "The Matchmaker"):
--->'''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' ''[exiting the kitchen with Martin]'' Daphne!\\



** To Martin's increasing alarm, he and Edward end up getting on so well that Edward asks him if he's free for dinner, and he tries another face-saving lie by pretending he is already dating someone. Enter his unwitting boyfriend...
--->'''Edward:''' Marty, you don't have to spare my feelings.\\

to:

** * To Martin's increasing alarm, he and Edward end up getting on so well that Edward asks him if he's free for dinner, and he tries another face-saving lie by pretending he is already dating someone. Enter his unwitting boyfriend...
--->'''Edward:''' -->'''Edward:''' Marty, you don't have to spare my feelings.\\



** With Frasier's date having taken a promising turn moments before, Frasier tells Niles that he has only one option: he must dump Martin. He does so in the funniest way imaginable:
--->'''Frasier:''' So, Niles! You actually, uh, missed a, a splendid evening at the opera.\\

to:

** * With Frasier's date having taken a promising turn moments before, Frasier tells Niles that he has only one option: he must dump Martin. He does so in the funniest way imaginable:
--->'''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' So, Niles! You actually, uh, missed a, a splendid evening at the opera.\\



* "Moons Over Seattle":
** It seems Martin's job as a security guard has hit a bump in the road:
--->'''Frasier''': Hey Dad, how was work?\\
'''Martin''': Oh, great. I finally busted that guy who was writing "Seymour Butz" on the sign-out sheets.\\
'''Frasier''': So who was it?\\
'''Martin''': Senior Vice-President Butz. I'm on probation for a week.
** Frasier tries to clear the air after sleeping with Roz.
--->'''Frasier:''' I seem to recall the word 'stallion-like'!\\
'''Roz:''' I never said stallion.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, ''one'' of us did!
* From "Dr. Nora", three words: "'''''[[MyBelovedSmother YOU LITTLE WHORE!!!]]'''''" The StuntCasting makes it even better, since Nora's mother is played by Piper Laurie, an actress whose best-known role involves [[Film/{{Carrie}} slut-shaming her daughter.]]
-->'''Mrs. Mulhearne:''' So, you thought you could get away from me, did you? Thought you could leave me to rot in that dump without [[TheAlcoholic barely enough cash for a bottle of Mateus]]! You'll pay for that, missy!\\
'''Roz:''' ''(jumping for joy)'' I was wrong, Frasier. Your way ''is'' better!
* The third act of "Frasier Crane's Day Off", in which Frasier returns to his studio drugged to the gills on prescription drugs because he believes that Niles is trying to steal his radio slot, and chaos ensues. As Niles put it:
-->'''Niles:''' [as security chase Frasier past the booth] Bravo, Frasier, for so brilliantly demonstrating why they call it "dope"!
* From "How to Bury a Millionaire", Niles' guided tour of his new apartment in the Shangri-La, especially the 'master bedroom' and the heavy hints as to what became of its last tenant.
* "The Two Mrs. Cranes":
** The SnowballLie. Once Martin is clued into it, he starts screwing with everyone. The web of lies becomes so messy, everyone has to pause before deciding it's safe to give Eddie's name.
** Not to mention the ''beautiful'' punchline to the entire thing.
--->'''Daphne:''' We're not the horrible people you think we are!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes! The truth is - we've been lying to you all night!
** And there's also Niles' elated giggle after Daphne introduces him as her husband.
** Martin amuses himself and spites his sons by claiming he used to be an astronaut.
--->'''Clive:''' Although, Daphne, I noticed in the phone book your surname still is Moon.\\
'''Niles:''' That must be an old book. Now she hyphenates; it's Moon-Crane.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(wistfully)'' I remember the first time I ever drove a moon crane. I nearly rolled it into the Sea of Tranquillity.
* In "High Holidays", Niles thinks he's high on a pot brownie and is looking forward to the munchies. His idea of the munchies is pairing a Chilean seabass with an aggressive zinfandel.
* In "No Sex Please, We're Skittish", Niles and Daphne avert the LawOfInverseFertility. It started with her mistaking a pregnancy test for an ovulation test, then they put two and two together...
-->'''Niles:''' But, my slow sperm...\\
'''Daphne:''' I must have fast eggs.
* "Daphne Returns":
** After Niles realizes that he's been idealising Daphne too much for too long and needs to come to terms with the fact that she's flawed and human rather than put her on a pedestal, he decides to confront her insecurities head-on and demonstrate to her that he is willing to do this. Unfortunately, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6t9R4GBejo he decides to do this by insulting her cooking, much to her annoyance, which leads to an argument where certain other truths are revealed:]]
--->'''Niles:''' Then I don't know what you want! I can't read minds, you know! And by the way, neither can you.\\

to:


[[AC:720: To Thine Old Self Be True]]
* "Moons Over Seattle":
** It seems
Frasier giving a stripper pointers on showmanship. He ends up handcuffed to her after insisting she use the prop handcuffs for her policewoman costume - and inevitably discovers she doesn't have the key. Even better is Martin's job as a security guard has hit a bump in initial reaction when the road:
--->'''Frasier''': Hey Dad, how was work?\\
'''Martin''': Oh, great. I finally busted that guy who was writing "Seymour Butz" on
attempt to cut the sign-out sheets.\\
'''Frasier''': So who was it?\\
'''Martin''': Senior Vice-President Butz.
chain fails and Frasier says there's only one method left:
-->'''Martin:''' ''[panicking]'' Well, I gotta warn you,
I'm not as good a shot as I used to be... we're gonna have to go out on probation for a week.
** Frasier tries to clear
the air after sleeping with Roz.
--->'''Frasier:''' I seem
balcony- ''I need a cup of coffee to recall the word 'stallion-like'!\\
'''Roz:''' I never said stallion.\\
steady my nerves!''\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, ''one'' DAD!... I meant ''go to a locksmith''.

[[AC:722: Dark Side
of us did!
the Moon]]
* From "Dr. Nora", three words: "'''''[[MyBelovedSmother YOU LITTLE WHORE!!!]]'''''" The StuntCasting makes it climax. As the other characters are captivated and horrified by the four-car pile-up caused by Daphne's [[RantInducingSlight Slight-Induced Rant]], [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone including Daphne herself]], a miffed, cold-ridden and ''completely'' oblivious Frasier walks by and says "[[WhileRomeBurns Fine! I guess I'll just have to make my OWN]] '''[[LargeHam teeeeeeaaaa!]]'''"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 8]]
[[AC:812: The Show Must Go Off]]
* Want to see a magnificent actor [[LargeHam ham it]] UpToEleven? Watch Sir Creator/DerekJacobi on the stage in this episode. Or
even better, since Nora's mother is played by Piper Laurie, an the end of [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YClxN6uENbg this scene]].

[[AC:814: Hungry Heart]]
* Due to anxiety issues leading to overeating (and because
actress whose best-known role involves [[Film/{{Carrie}} slut-shaming her daughter.]]
-->'''Mrs. Mulhearne:''' So, you thought you could get away from me, did you? Thought you could leave me to rot in that dump without [[TheAlcoholic barely enough cash for a bottle of Mateus]]! You'll pay for that, missy!\\
'''Roz:''' ''(jumping for joy)'' I
Jane Leeves was wrong, Frasier. Your way ''is'' better!
* The third act of "Frasier Crane's Day Off", in which Frasier returns to his studio drugged to the gills on prescription drugs because he believes that Niles is trying to steal his radio slot, and chaos ensues. As Niles put it:
-->'''Niles:''' [as security chase Frasier past the booth] Bravo, Frasier, for so brilliantly demonstrating why they call it "dope"!
* From "How to Bury a Millionaire", Niles' guided tour of his new apartment in the Shangri-La, especially the 'master bedroom' and the heavy hints as to what became of its last tenant.
* "The Two Mrs. Cranes":
** The SnowballLie. Once Martin is clued into it, he starts screwing with everyone. The web of lies becomes so messy, everyone has to pause before deciding it's safe to give Eddie's name.
** Not to mention the ''beautiful'' punchline to the entire thing.
--->'''Daphne:''' We're not the horrible people you think we are!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes! The truth is - we've been lying to you all night!
** And there's also Niles' elated giggle after
pregnant) Daphne introduces him as has become very fat, a story arc that culminates in this episode. She falls over and hurts her husband.
** Martin amuses himself
ankle and spites his sons by claiming he used to be an astronaut.
--->'''Clive:''' Although, Daphne, I noticed in
it takes the phone book your surname still three Crane men (Frasier, Niles and Martin) to lift her off the floor. Martin's innocent delivery of the following line, clearly believing Daphne will find it amusing (she doesn't), is Moon.\\
'''Niles:''' That must be an old book. Now she hyphenates; it's Moon-Crane.\\
icing on the cake.
-->
'''Martin:''' ''(wistfully)'' Hey Daphne, I remember just realized something! It took three Cranes to lift you!

[[AC:816: Docu.Drama]]
* John Glenn in
the first time I ever drove recording studio, while Roz and Frasier are having a moon crane. I nearly rolled it into the Sea of Tranquillity.
* In "High Holidays", Niles thinks he's high
discussion. The [[SelectiveObliviousness Selectively Oblivious]] astronaut-turned-senator goes on a pot brownie spiel about his days in the space program...giving an increasingly strong implication that he and is looking forward to the munchies. His idea other astronauts were told to cover up some of the munchies is pairing a Chilean seabass with an aggressive zinfandel.
* In "No Sex Please, We're Skittish", Niles and
things they saw up there....

[[AC:819:
Daphne avert the LawOfInverseFertility. It started with her mistaking a pregnancy test for an ovulation test, then they put two and two together...
-->'''Niles:''' But, my slow sperm...\\
'''Daphne:''' I must have fast eggs.
Returns]]
* "Daphne Returns":
**
After Niles realizes that he's been idealising Daphne too much for too long and needs to come to terms with the fact that she's flawed and human rather than put her on a pedestal, he decides to confront her insecurities head-on and demonstrate to her that he is willing to do this. Unfortunately, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6t9R4GBejo he decides to do this by insulting her cooking, much to her annoyance, which leads to an argument where certain other truths are revealed:]]
--->'''Niles:''' -->'''Niles:''' Then I don't know what you want! I can't read minds, you know! And by the way, neither can you.\\



** Daphne tops everything with this line when Niles thinks they're going to have make-up sex.
--->'''Daphne:''' ''(icily grinning)'' Well, at least we know who's ''not'' psychic.
* In "Mother Load: Part I", Frasier tries to get Daphne's mother and brother out of the apartment by praising the wonders of America with an inspirational speech (while in a feud with the apartment above):
-->'''Frasier:''' "This land is rich with snow-covered mountains, sun-kissed beaches, wild, untamed rivers and a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States -- this ''America''!" (''[[FlagDrop enormous American flag]]'' ''unrolls over the windows directly behind him'')\\

to:

** * Daphne tops everything with this line when Niles thinks they're going to have make-up sex.
--->'''Daphne:''' -->'''Daphne:''' ''(icily grinning)'' Well, at least we know who's ''not'' psychic.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 9]]
[[AC:903: The First Temptation of Daphne]]
* In "Mother Load: the B plot, a particularly noisy cricket invades Frasier's apartment. Martin insists that Eddie, as a terrier, is a born hunter, and sics him on the cricket. Eddie immediately begins chasing his own tail.
* Time passes, and Frasier is unable to sleep through the cricket's chirping, leaving him a nervous wreck.
-->'''Frasier''': Dear god, can't you make him ''shut up''!?\\
'''Martin''': That prayer doesn't get answered around here.

[[AC:906: Room Full of Heroes]]
* The kids in the building are terrified of Frasier, because Martin told them that "Old Man Crane" eats brains. It becomes a RunningGag throughout the episode, and the end of the episode features Frasier appearing to [[ItMakesSenseInContext pull Niles' scalp off]].

[[AC:912: Mother Load,
Part I", 1]]
*
Frasier tries to get Daphne's mother and brother out of the apartment by praising the wonders of America with an inspirational speech (while in a feud with the apartment above):
-->'''Frasier:''' "This land is rich with snow-covered mountains, sun-kissed beaches, wild, untamed rivers and a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States -- this ''America''!" (''[[FlagDrop enormous American flag]]'' ''unrolls flag]] unrolls over the windows directly behind him'')\\



* In "Deathtrap", Frasier and Niles stumble upon a disembodied skull. [[LargeHam Their dramatic reactions are definitely something to behold]]--and the camera work brings it UpToEleven. The funniest part is that the audience already knows it's a fake skull from a previous scene in {{Flashback}} showing young Frasier and Niles talking about getting it for their play, then losing it.

to:


[[AC:915: The Proposal]]
* In "Deathtrap", There's an absolutely hysterical FunnyBackgroundEvent at the end of the episode. Daphne has just accepted Niles' proposal after Frasier has surreptitiously ushered out the musicians, waiters and angels who he and Niles had hired to make it memorable. A man with a trumpet walks out of the bedroom upstairs, about to play a fanfare as Daphne and Niles embrace... And Frasier tackles him back into the room.

[[AC:916: Wheels of Fortune]]
* This part is pretty self-explanatory:
-->'''Blaine''': Now now, he has every right to be up here. He ''is'' one of God's creatures.\\
'''Frasier''' ''(defensively)'': '''I am no such thing!'''

[[AC:918: War of the Words]]
* Niles' encouragement for Freddie at the end: [[SeriousBusiness "SPELL HIS ASS OFF!!!"]] The entire episode plays up "The Bee" for maximum melodrama as though it's a Samurai Code or something. Especially the "legend" of Niles Crane.

[[AC:919: Deathtrap]]
*
Frasier and Niles stumble upon a disembodied skull. [[LargeHam Their dramatic reactions are definitely something to behold]]--and the camera work brings it UpToEleven. The funniest part is that the audience already knows it's a fake skull from a previous scene in {{Flashback}} showing young Frasier and Niles talking about getting it for their play, then losing it.



* Frasier giving a stripper pointers on showmanship in "To Thine Old Self Be True".
* In "Dark Victory," Niles tries to go home during a blackout, but soon after comes back to the apartment gasping heavily and looking terrified.
-->'''Niles:''' Nineteen floors--down to my car!--Garage door's electric!--Can't open!--Twenty floors back up!--Lost count!--Bad lady upstairs!--Big dog!--''Need place to die!''
* In "Tales From The Crypt": The rehearsal for the "zombie" prank (especially Martin's sarcastic acting)--and the grand finale.

to:


[[AC:920: The Love You Fake]]
* During Frasier's feud with Cam Winston, one of his victories is getting Cam restricted from parking his SUV in the parking garage by arguing it pollutes.
-->'''Cam:''' Oh, get off your high horse. You do your fair share of polluting with that [[CompensatingForSomething substitute for masculinity]] you're driving. \\
'''Frasier:''' If mine's a substitute for masculinity then what is yours? \\
'''Cam:''' Bigger.

[[AC:921: Cheerful Goodbyes]]
* Phil (played by Phil Perlman, Rhea's father) stands up to offer a toast.
-->'''Phil:''' I just wanna thank you Cliff, for all the great times we had at Cheers.\\
'''Cliff:''' You were always there for me, Al.\\
'''Phil:''' I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch![[note]] A reference to Al Rosen, who played a barfly in the early series of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' before his death in 1990 - fourteen years, indeed, before this episode was recorded.[[/note]]
* Carla's [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech epic put down]] of Cliff, in which she vents about the last 20 years of knowing him.
-->'''Carla:''' I sure do. Cliffy, I know that things haven't always been that great between us over the years, but being here tonight, makes me think about the effect that you've had on my life. I'd like to say that I'll miss you... I'd like to say that I'll miss you...\\
'''Frasier:''' It's okay, Carla.\\
'''Carla:''' I'd like to say that I'll miss you... but it sticks in my throat like your '''''rotten deviled eggs'''''! ''(increasingly loud and angry)'' I hate your guts! The way you talk and talk and talk about nothing! The way you walk, your stupid white socks...\\
'''Frasier:''' Carla!\\
'''Carla:''' ''(to Frasier)'' '''''Back off, I'm toasting!''''' ''(to Cliff)'' The twenty years I've known you would have been less painful if I was covered with open sores and thrown into a pit with, with a bunch of diseased rats. But finally, you're leaving! I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I can live again. ''I can live again! '''Finally, I can live! I can live!'''''
* And even funnier: Cliff then decides that he can't leave friends who can joke around like that.
-->'''Carla''': I wasn't joking! I really hate you! No! No! No!

[[AC:922: Frasier Has Spokane]]
* The KQZY station manager tries to distract the press during a disastrous press conference announcing Frasier's replacing of a Spokane radio legend.
-->'''Herm Evans''': [[WeNeedADistraction Hey, what's this over here?]] Free liquor?!?

[[AC:924: Moons Over Seattle]]
* It seems Martin's job as a security guard has hit a bump in the road:
-->'''Frasier''': Hey Dad, how was work?\\
'''Martin''': Oh, great. I finally busted that guy who was writing "Seymour Butz" on the sign-out sheets.\\
'''Frasier''': So who was it?\\
'''Martin''': Senior Vice-President Butz. I'm on probation for a week.
* Frasier giving a stripper pointers on showmanship in "To Thine Old Self Be True".
* In "Dark Victory," Niles
tries to go home during a blackout, but soon clear the air after comes sleeping with Roz.
-->'''Frasier:''' I seem to recall the word 'stallion-like'!\\
'''Roz:''' I never said stallion.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, ''one'' of us did!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 10]]
[[AC:1001: The Ring Cycle]]
* When Niles and Daphne are holding a fake wedding after they eloped, Roz has the unfortunate task of driving Daphne's mother. Fortunately, she gets taken down. By Alice Doyle of all people.
-->'''Gertrude:''' In my day we never drove so recklessly, and do you know why?\\
'''Alice:''' (''completely sincerely'') Is it because you used to ride dinosaurs?\\
(''everyone stares at Alice in shock'')\\
'''Gertrude:''' (''to Roz'') You should talk to your daughter. (''walks off'')\\
'''Roz:''' (''to Alice, beaming'') When we get home you're getting ice cream.

[[AC:1002: Enemy at the Gate]]
* After a mishap concerning getting out of paying for a parking garage he didn't use, Frasier rushes
back to KACL in time to finish his show. Unfortunately, Roz, in her attempts to fill in for him, unintentionally told everyone that she slept with Frasier. When asked about what happened during "the incident", Frasier describes the apartment gasping heavily ''parking garage'' incident instead.
-->"Well, it certainly wasn't my finest hour. I got in, realized I made a mistake
and looking terrified.
-->'''Niles:''' Nineteen floors--down
then tried like hell to get out. There was a lot of shouting and then a line started to form behind me. You'd be surprised how long 20 minutes can be when you're watching the clock. Fortunately, my car!--Garage door's electric!--Can't open!--Twenty floors back up!--Lost count!--Bad lady upstairs!--Big dog!--''Need place brother was there to die!''
serve as moral support, and (let's face it) someone to talk to. At least, in the end, I got out of there without paying the four dollars."

[[AC:1005: Tales from the Crypt]]
* In "Tales From The Crypt": The rehearsal for the "zombie" prank (especially Martin's sarcastic acting)--and the grand finale.



* "The Show Where Sam Shows Up":
** Sam's fiancee admits to having sex with members of Cheers. Frasier slept with her as well, but he's afraid Sam will be upset if he found out. However, she says that she was embarrassed about sleeping with Paul (the dumpy balding barfly). Sam is... sort of... okay with that. But then:
--->'''Sam:''' Cliff? ''Cliff''... you? You slept with ''Cliff''? '''''CLIFF?!''''' Oh no, that's it, wedding's ''off''! ''(storms away)'' Cliff - '''''oh, God!''''' \\
'''Sheila:''' Whoa... Frasier, you've got to help me. You've got to talk to him.\\
''(Frasier sits down on the couch, in full HeroicBSOD)''\\
'''Frasier:''' I slept with a woman who slept with Cliff?!
** During TheStinger, Frasier is castigating himself, "Cliff? Cliff?! CLIFF?!?!" (You don't hear him say anything, but the lip-reading isn't too difficult.)
* In "Ain't Nobody's Business if 'I Do'", Daphne is worried about the future of her job if Martin marries Sherry, to which Niles tries to console her:
-->'''Niles:''' [[ThatCameOutWrong I could certainly use you... I would know of a position you could... Services you could... A hole that needs...]]\\
''(Niles grabs the cheque)''\\
'''Niles:''' This is on me.
* "Frasier-Lite":
** Frasier has trouble keeping his weight loss team on point:
--->'''Frasier''': Good team, good friends. ''(realizing his weight loss team is going to the birthday party to get cake)'' Good God! People, please, it's not worth it! It's sheet cake!
** Later, just before the final weigh-in:
--->'''Noel''': I see giant steaks with legs.\\
'''Bulldog''': You're hallucinating. ''[[DopeSlap (slaps Noel)]]'' Just pull it together.\\
'''Kenny''': Uh, no, he's right. It's the Beef Council dancers, they're on after us.\\
''(Noel slaps Bulldog right back)''
* Niles' vignette in "Three Valentines", "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mWiPaQ872c A Valentine for Niles]]." Comparisons to Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin are not unwarranted. It was billed as "The funniest five minutes on television" in the ads. They're right. The only sound is the soundtrack (two pieces by Mozart; the finale of Symphony No.40, and the overture to ''Theatre/TheMarriageOfFigaro''), and it is perfect. It all starts with Niles noticing the crease in one of his trouser legs is crooked, and ends with Niles unconscious and trouserless in the doorway of Frasier's apartment, the living room and dining room covered with fire extinguisher foam, and Eddie eating the remains of Niles' dinner off the still-smouldering couch where it landed. Eddie's reactions to the chaos unfolding in front of him only add to the hilarity.
* John Glenn in the recording studio in "Docu.Drama", while Roz and Frasier are having a discussion. The [[SelectiveObliviousness Selectively Oblivious]] astronaut-turned-senator goes on a spiel about his days in the space program...giving an increasingly strong implication that he and the other astronauts were told to cover up some of the things they saw up there....
* "Lilith Needs a Favor". Specifically, she wants Frasier to "donate" so they can have another child.
** When Lilith arrives earlier than expected, Martin immediately proves his comment to Frasier that he can't come up with a good excuse on the fly by coming up with a classic INeedToGoIronMyDog excuse just to get away from her:
--->'''Martin:''' I have to go... practice... my signature.
** While Frasier reflects on the situation, Martin absently goes off on a tangent about how Lilith has "seen what the Crane genes can do"...[[ComicallyMissingThePoint which leads to him speculating that if Frasier turns Lilith down, she'll go to Niles]]--who would in turn her down...[[InsaneTrollLogic which would lead to...]]
--->'''Martin:''' She'll go straight to the ''source''...! ''([[OhCrap Look of horror]])'' ...''Me''...! The ''fountainhead''...!\\

to:


[[AC:1006: Star Mitzvah]]
* "The Show Where Sam Shows Up":
** Sam's fiancee admits to having sex with members of Cheers.
Frasier slept with her as well, but he's afraid Sam will be upset if he found out. However, she says that she was embarrassed about sleeping with Paul (the dumpy balding barfly). Sam is... sort of... okay with that. But then:
--->'''Sam:''' Cliff? ''Cliff''... you? You slept with ''Cliff''? '''''CLIFF?!''''' Oh no, that's it, wedding's ''off''! ''(storms away)'' Cliff - '''''oh, God!''''' \\
'''Sheila:''' Whoa... Frasier, you've got
asks Noel Shempski to help me. You've got to talk to him.\\
''(Frasier sits down on the couch, in full HeroicBSOD)''\\
'''Frasier:''' I slept with a woman who slept with Cliff?!
** During TheStinger, Frasier is castigating himself, "Cliff? Cliff?! CLIFF?!?!" (You don't hear him say anything, but the lip-reading isn't too difficult.)
* In "Ain't Nobody's Business if 'I Do'", Daphne is worried about the future of her job if Martin marries Sherry, to which Niles tries to console her:
-->'''Niles:''' [[ThatCameOutWrong I could certainly use you... I would know of a position you could... Services you could... A hole that needs...]]\\
''(Niles grabs the cheque)''\\
'''Niles:''' This is on me.
* "Frasier-Lite":
** Frasier has trouble keeping
translate his weight loss team on point:
--->'''Frasier''': Good team, good friends. ''(realizing his weight loss team is going to the birthday party
blessing for Freddie's bar mitzvah into Hebrew, and promises to get cake)'' Good God! People, please, it's not worth it! It's sheet cake!
** Later, just before the final weigh-in:
--->'''Noel''': I see giant steaks with legs.\\
'''Bulldog''': You're hallucinating. ''[[DopeSlap (slaps Noel)]]'' Just pull it together.\\
'''Kenny''': Uh, no, he's right. It's the Beef Council dancers, they're on after us.\\
''(Noel slaps Bulldog right back)''
* Niles' vignette
Scott Bakula's autograph in "Three Valentines", "[[https://www.return. When he fails to do so, Noel gets revenge by [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mWiPaQ872c A Valentine for Niles]]." Comparisons to Buster Keaton com/watch?v=SGZV6fsotYo translating the blessing into Klingon instead.]]
* As part of the celebration, Martin digs out an old camera. Frasier
and Charlie Chaplin are not unwarranted. It was billed as "The funniest five minutes on television" in the ads. They're right. The only sound is the soundtrack (two pieces by Mozart; the finale of Symphony No.40, Niles hate it because it's loud, clunky, and the overture to ''Theatre/TheMarriageOfFigaro''), and it flash is perfect. It all starts blinding. Martin enjoys torturing the boys with Niles noticing the crease in camera flash, but has only one of his trouser legs is crooked, and ends problem with Niles unconscious it:
-->'''Martin:''' Hasn't failed me yet! Oh, well except for that one Thanksgiving when the flash washed Lilith out so bad all you could see were her hair
and trouserless in eyes.\\
'''Frasier:''' That wasn't
the doorway of Frasier's apartment, camera's fault, Dad. That bloodless skin has confounded even the living room and dining room covered with fire extinguisher foam, and Eddie eating most experienced photographer.
* Later, Martin has
the remains of Niles' dinner off the still-smouldering couch where it landed. Eddie's reactions camera set up on a tripod. During a conversation that Frasier turns particularly awkward, he casually makes his way over to the chaos unfolding in front of camera, trips it, and uses the distraction by the flash to make his escape. The loudest one to cry out from the flash? ''Martin''.
* Frasier apologizes to Noel by sending
him only add to Joan Collins' wig from "[[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever The City on the hilarity.
Edge of Forever]]". Noel has a {{Nerdgasm}}, but Roz doesn't get it, saying, "A ''wig''? That's cruel, even for Frasier!"
* John Glenn in In TheStinger, we see the recording studio in "Docu.Drama", while Roz pictures from Martin's camera, post-development. The first few are re-creations of the pictures Martin (and Frasier) took over the course of the episode, but the last two are of Frasier lunging toward the camera, berserk with fury.

[[AC:1010: We Two Kings]]
* When Niles
and Frasier are having a discussion. The [[SelectiveObliviousness Selectively Oblivious]] astronaut-turned-senator goes on a spiel about his days arguing over where to have Christmas:
-->'''Frasier:''' But I've had new stockings loomed, and there see, you made me spoil the surprise! And did no one hear me say that I have ordered an ''[[LargeHam Hungarian goose]]''?!\\
'''Niles:''' Which you are more than welcome to bring over to our place.\\
'''Frasier:''' It's not my date - it's dinner!
* Later
in the space program...giving an increasingly strong implication that he and episode:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(to Niles)'' [[UsefulNotes/NicolausCopernicus Copernicus]] called - you are not
the other astronauts were told to cover up some center of the things universe!

[[AC:1012: The Harassed]]
* Gil has a great bit, an epic HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday moment.
-->'''Gil:''' From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for my wandering eye over the years. Those whom I mentally undressed, and... you know who you are...\\
''(A male and female co-worker look at each other confusedly)''\\
'''Gil:''' ...all I can say and it's a poor defense is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my time.\\
'''Van Andrews:''' ''(running the harassment seminar)'' Thank you, Gil.\\
'''Gil:''' But know this, Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.\\
'''Van:''' Ah, Thank you, Gil. I think
they saw up there....
* "Lilith
like to be called women now.\\
'''Gil:''' Ha. Do they ever.

[[AC:1013: Lilith
Needs a Favor". Specifically, she wants Favor]]
* The title refers to Lilith wanting
Frasier to "donate" so they can have another child.
**
child. When Lilith arrives earlier than expected, Martin immediately proves his comment to Frasier that he can't come up with a good excuse on the fly by coming up with a classic INeedToGoIronMyDog excuse just to get away from her:
--->'''Martin:''' -->'''Martin:''' I have to go... practice... my signature.
** * While Frasier reflects on the situation, Martin absently goes off on a tangent about how Lilith has "seen what the Crane genes can do"...[[ComicallyMissingThePoint which leads to him speculating that if Frasier turns Lilith down, she'll go to Niles]]--who would in turn her down...[[InsaneTrollLogic which would lead to...]]
--->'''Martin:''' -->'''Martin:''' She'll go straight to the ''source''...! ''([[OhCrap Look of horror]])'' ...''Me''...! The ''fountainhead''...!\\



** Martin ''then'' goes on a tangent about the complications in family dynamics ''that'' would cause:
--->'''Martin:''' Can you imagine? Lilith's and my kid would be brother to you and Niles '''''and''''' Freddie... And if you and Lilith got back together, you'd be his step-father '''''and''''' his brother and Niles would be your son '''and ''his own uncle!''''' It's almost worth doing just so that I can tell the story!
** The prolonged sequence when Frasier is [[ADateWithRosiePalms in the private room in the sperm clinic]]--and Lilith keeps knocking on the door to give him ''pointers''--leading to an epic--
--->'''Frasier:''' IF THERE IS ''ONE THING'' THAT I CAN DO '''BY MYSELF'''...!
* Frasier and Niles pretending to know about bikes in "Fraternal Schwinns".

to:

** * Martin ''then'' goes on a tangent about the complications in family dynamics ''that'' would cause:
--->'''Martin:''' -->'''Martin:''' Can you imagine? Lilith's and my kid would be brother to you and Niles '''''and''''' Freddie... And if you and Lilith got back together, you'd be his step-father '''''and''''' his brother and Niles would be your son '''and ''his own uncle!''''' It's almost worth doing just so that I can tell the story!
** * The prolonged sequence when Frasier is [[ADateWithRosiePalms in the private room in the sperm clinic]]--and Lilith keeps knocking on the door to give him ''pointers''--leading to an epic--
--->'''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' IF THERE IS ''ONE THING'' THAT I CAN DO '''BY MYSELF'''...!
!

[[AC:1014: Daphne Does Dinner]]
* Daphne, now a member of the Crane family, shows she's really a member by throwing a dinner party. You can see where we're going here...
** Daphne tells Niles that his track record for throwing parties with Frasier is a disaster, so Niles excludes a very indignant Frasier from the preparation process. The party is intended to celebrate a painting by artist Mike Shaw (who will be attending) that Niles is donating to an art gallery. However, as Roz prepares to leave after helping set things up, she and Daphne discover that Roz' daughter Alice has written her name in crayon on the Shaw painting, and Daphne sends Roz and the painting to an art restorer while replacing the painting with one of Alice's drawings and covering it with a cloth. She then has to spend the rest of the evening defending it from one of the guest's attempts to get a peek.
--->'''Daphne:''' You've got two choices: you can either walk away from the painting, or you can limp away from the painting.
** While she is distracted, the Cornish hens in the oven catch fire, and the caterers have closed for the day, necessitating an emergency call to Frasier...
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[hanging up the phone]'' As usual, Frasier has to save the day.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[not looking up from scratching the back of Eddie's neck]'' As usual, Martin has to hear about it.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[taking a pan of Cornish hens out of the oven and pulling a sheet of foil off a roll]'' Suit up, boys! We're goin' in!
** The argument between Frasier and Niles means that Frasier's presence in the kitchen must be kept secret from Niles (resulting in Daphne physically ejecting Niles from the kitchen as the evening wears on); meanwhile, an unenthusiastic Shaw, a plain-spoken older man in a plaid shirt with a cane, arrives and ends up going upstairs with Daphne's mother. Two guests leave early after having met Shaw and describe him to Niles, who notices the description matches Martin - who has just arrived after Frasier asked him to bring over some ramekins. Convinced Martin has been mistaken for Shaw, Niles tries to usher him out, but the other guests begin engaging him in conversation, and soon he is launching himself enthusiastically into the role by verbally tearing into every piece of art Niles owns, with the guests hanging on his every word. (What we see of the real Shaw, who despises pretentious "art connoisseurs", suggests he might well do something similar...)
** Frasier's presence and the painting's absence finally collide when Niles, who has known Frasier was in the kitchen for a while, struggles with him and ends up getting coated in his signature Cornish hen sauce. Martin grabs the nearest cloth so that Niles can clean himself off... and it's the cloth covering Alice's crayon drawing. Daphne almost smooths things over... until the fact that she ordered the installers of Niles' new chandelier to stay on and end up performing a rush job comes back to bite her, as the chandelier brings down the whole living room ceiling - and her mother's bed, with Mike Shaw and Mrs. Moon snuggling under a pile of coats.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[putting his arm around Daphne]'' Daphne, congratulations. You're now officially a Crane. ''[Daphne bursts into tears]''
** In TheStinger, Niles walks into the still ruined living room on his way to work and shouts up through the hole in the ceiling for his briefcase.

[[AC:1015: Trophy Girlfriend]]
* Frasier dating a gym teacher is pure comedy gold, especially after he visits her class and she turns into [[Creator/BobHoskins his old gym teacher from school]]. Cue a LOT of {{Squick}} until Frasier manages to work it out....

[[AC:1016: Fraternal Schwinns]]
* Frasier and Niles pretending to know about bikes in "Fraternal Schwinns".bikes.



* During the episode "Room Full of Heroes," the kids in the building are terrified of Frasier, because Martin told them that "Old Man Crane" eats brains. It becomes a RunningGag throughout the episode, and the end of the episode features Frasier appearing to [[ItMakesSenseInContext pull Niles' scalp off]].
* Frasier dating a gym teacher in "Trophy Girlfriend" is pure comedy gold, especially after he visits her class and she turns into [[Creator/BobHoskins his old gym teacher from school]]. Cue a LOT of {{Squick}} until Frasier manages to work it out....
* "The Impossible Dream", in which Frasier has a weird dream involving Gil.
** After talking it out with Niles he thinks he's resolved the issue causing him to have the dream, and declares loudly:
--->'''Frasier:''' Thank God! Tonight I can sleep peacefully knowing there'll be no motel room, no tequila bottle and ''no naked man in my bed!''\\
''[Sees the waitress standing behind him]''\\
'''Frasier:''' So then, the rabbi says...
** Frasier and Martin have an exchange where Martin notes that the reason he didn't take Frasier to see ''Film/WestSideStory'' as a child was because gangs were scary:
--->'''Frasier:''' Even gangs that dance?\\
'''Martin:''' Especially gangs that dance!
** Martin and Daphne trolling people in the elevator by having "secret" conversations literally behind their backs--on such awesome nonsense as Daphne being in Witness Protection (with Martin as her FBI handler) and their engaging in international smuggling!
--->'''Daphne:''' How'd you get the stuff through customs?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(smugly)'' They never check the prosthetic leg.
** The punch line of the episode: UsefulNotes/SigmundFreud appearing to Frasier in a dream to congratulate him on figuring out the Gil dream. [[OhCrap And to get into bed.]]
* "The Gift Horse":
** Roz has Frasier pretend to be her date to convince a man who dumped her that she has moved on (since the man in question kept calling Frasier "Fraser", he hesitantly agrees). After a false start, Roz' ex enters to see Roz and Frasier in the middle of a BigDamnKiss, and leaves with an uncomfortable look... just as Niles arrives and takes in the sight.
--->'''Niles:''' ''[off Frasier's embarrassed look]'' Hello.\\
'''Frasier:''' Hello Niles. Uh... you know, this [[NotWhatItLooksLike isn't what it looks like,]] ''[Roz continues to nuzzle and kiss Frasier]'' you see, her ex-boyfriend- oh, just stop that! ''[pushes Roz away]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[holds up his hand]'' Please, please, no explanation necessary. I assume at the next meeting of Seattle's "Haven't Kissed Roz Club," it will just be me and the archbishop! ''[chuckles]''\\
'''Roz:''' I'll save you the club dues.\\
'''Niles:''' What-?\\
''[Roz [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKB_El6iTco gives Niles]] a BigDamnKiss, then leaves]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[shocked yet observant]'' '''''Everyone''''' kisses better than Maris!
** Frasier's deliciously hammy reaction after buying a big screen TV with accompanying sound system with gigantic speakers for Martin's birthday and arriving home after the birthday party to see it fully set up for the first time.
--->'''Frasier''': Oh, dear God ... it's '''''Stonehenge'''''.
* "Coots And Ladders" is a great gem from the final season. Especially the DramaticThunder sounding off at moments so ''perfect'', Frasier and Niles pull double-takes. And the dramatizations of Niles's conjectures of exactly ''what'' Frasier's beating himself up about.
* From "Love Bites Dog":
** Niles decides to advertise his practice, and gives Frasier a copy of the ad.
--->'''Frasier:''' All right. ''(reading)'' "Dr. Niles Crane. Jung specialist. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts". Well thatís just excellent Niles. All youíre missing now is a very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head!\\
'''Niles:''' Sorry I didnít hear you. I was too distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus.
** Of course, the ad company accidentally prints an "H" in place of the "J" in "Jung". HilarityEnsues.
--->'''Frasier:''' "Dr. Niles Crane. Hung specialist." ''({{beat}})'' Oh my.\\
'''Niles:''' The rest of it was surprisingly accurate. "Servicing individuals, couples... groups..." ''({{beat}})'' "Satisfaction guaranteed"... ''(looks at Frasier with some consternation)'' "Tell me where it hurts "\\
'''Frasier:''' Any calls?\\
'''Niles:''' It's a telethon.
** Everything about [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsyXV-B3uGk Frasier talking "like a guy" to get Bulldog back in gear]], but ''especially''...
--->'''Bulldog:''' I like the sound of this.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(Gruff)'' Yeah? So do I! It's unattractive--yet liberating, rather like [[TooMuchInformation the one and only time I wore a European bathing suit...!]]
** Frasier talking "like a guy" doesn't work too well with Niles however.
* From "We Two Kings":
** When Niles and Frasier are arguing over where to have Christmas:
--->'''Frasier:''' But I've had new stockings loomed, and there see, you made me spoil the surprise! And did no one hear me say that I have ordered an ''[[LargeHam Hungarian goose]]''?!\\
'''Niles:''' Which you are more than welcome to bring over to our place.\\
'''Frasier:''' It's not my date - it's dinner!
** Later in the episode:
--->'''Frasier:''' ''(to Niles)'' [[UsefulNotes/NicolausCopernicus Copernicus]] called - you are not the center of the universe!
* Gil has a great bit in "The Harassed", an epic HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday moment.
-->'''Gil:''' From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for my wandering eye over the years. Those whom I mentally undressed, and... you know who you are...\\
''(A male and female co-worker look at each other confusedly)''\\
'''Gil:''' ...all I can say and it's a poor defense is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my time.\\
'''Van Andrews:''' ''(running the harassment seminar)'' Thank you, Gil.\\
'''Gil:''' But know this, Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.\\
'''Van:''' Ah, Thank you, Gil. I think they like to be called women now.\\
'''Gil:''' Ha. Do they ever.
* When Niles and Daphne are holding a fake wedding in "The Ring Cycle" after they eloped, Roz has the unfortunate task of driving Daphne's mother. Fortunately, she gets taken down. By Alice Doyle of all people.
-->'''Gertrude:''' In my day we never drove so recklessly, and do you know why?\\
'''Alice:''' (''completely sincerely'') Is it because you used to ride dinosaurs?\\
(''everyone stares at Alice in shock'')\\
'''Gertrude:''' (''to Roz'') You should talk to your daughter. (''walks off'')\\
'''Roz:''' (''to Alice, beaming'') When we get home you're getting ice cream.
* "Frasier Gotta Have it": Frasier's fling with an extreme GranolaGirl. He starts to get turned off when he finds out she installed meat hooks on her ceiling, cuts her own hair and puts it in her pillows, uses dead mice for her artwork, and howls at the moon like a wolf. He's fleeing when Caitlyn asks, "Don't you think I'm worth it" and removes her top. Frasier's response: he howls like a wolf.
* "Cheerful Goodbyes":
** Carla's [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech epic put down]] of Cliff, in which she vents about the last 20 years of knowing him.
--->'''Carla:''' I sure do. Cliffy, I know that things haven't always been that great between us over the years, but being here tonight, makes me think about the effect that you've had on my life. I'd like to say that I'll miss you... I'd like to say that I'll miss you...\\
'''Frasier:''' It's okay, Carla.\\
'''Carla:''' I'd like to say that I'll miss you... but it sticks in my throat like your '''''rotten deviled eggs'''''! ''(increasingly loud and angry)'' I hate your guts! The way you talk and talk and talk about nothing! The way you walk, your stupid white socks...\\
'''Frasier:''' Carla!\\
'''Carla:''' ''(to Frasier)'' '''''Back off, I'm toasting!''''' ''(to Cliff)'' The twenty years I've known you would have been less painful if I was covered with open sores and thrown into a pit with, with a bunch of diseased rats. But finally, you're leaving! I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I can live again. ''I can live again! '''Finally, I can live! I can live!'''''
** And even funnier: Cliff then decides that he can't leave friends who can joke around like that.
--->'''Carla''': I wasn't joking! I really hate you! No! No! No!
* When ''Franchise/StarTrek'' celebrated its 30th anniversary in 1996, Creator/{{UPN}} aired ''Star Trek: 30 Years and Beyond'' to mark it. Part of it was a skit that showed Daphne, Niles, Martin and Roz (and, eventually, Eddie) as the ''Voyager'' bridge crew under the command of a ''very'' flustered Janeway - obviously, Frasier himself was absent because he had already been Captain Morgan Bateson over on ''TNG''. But even despite that, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qxD2eoh-W4 the sight is surreal and a barrelful of laughs]]. The signature early series ''Frasier'' jokes are all there; Niles' fussiness (complete with dusting down his chair with his handkerchief) and secret lust for an oblivious Daphne, Roz' sexual appetite and Niles' snarky remarks thereon, Martin's gruff sarcasm and longing for a technologically simpler age (Janeway drily notes that the communicators in his day consisted of tin cans on a string), Daphne's supposed telepathy (which picks up Niles' desire for her and yet still leaves her none the wiser)... who can blame Janeway for deciding to initiate the ship's self-destruct sequence?
* In "The Devil And Dr. Phil", Bebe is trying to get Frasier back...and back into ''bed''. Niles has ''the'' most perfect remark on this--ever:

to:


[[AC:1018: Roe to Perdition]]
* During The B plot has a hilarious example of ForInconveniencePressOne. After getting $60 from an ATM instead of the episode "Room Full of Heroes," the kids in the building are terrified of Frasier, because $20 he wanted to get, Martin told them that "Old Man Crane" eats brains. It becomes a RunningGag throughout is persuaded by Daphne to call the episode, and the end of the episode features Frasier appearing to [[ItMakesSenseInContext pull Niles' scalp off]].
* Frasier dating a gym teacher in "Trophy Girlfriend" is pure comedy gold, especially after
bank's toll-free customer service line. Inevitably, he visits her class and she turns into [[Creator/BobHoskins his old gym teacher from school]]. Cue a LOT of {{Squick}} until Frasier manages to work it out....
* "The Impossible Dream", in which Frasier has a weird dream involving Gil.
** After talking it out
struggles with Niles he thinks he's resolved the issue causing him voice-activated menu, and Frasier's attempts to have help do just the dream, and declares loudly:
--->'''Frasier:''' Thank God! Tonight I can sleep peacefully knowing there'll be no motel room, no tequila bottle and ''no naked man in my bed!''\\
''[Sees the waitress standing behind him]''\\
opposite...
-->'''Martin:''' ''[into phone, angrily]'' PER-SON-AL!\\
'''Niles:''' What'cha doing, Dad?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, this stupid bank's automated voice system. It's, it's like a maze!\\
'''Frasier:''' So then, All right, give it here. ''[taking the rabbi says...
** Frasier
phone from Martin]'' You just push 0, and you'll get an operator. ''[presses the 0 button]'' Little trick I learned. ''[listens]'' Another menu. Hm. Sometimes it's a star. ''[presses the star button; listens]'' All right, maybe 1 will get me back to a main menu. ''[presses the 1 button; listens]'' Ah. Here you go. ''[hands Martin have an exchange where Martin notes that the reason he didn't take Frasier to see ''Film/WestSideStory'' as a child was because gangs were scary:
--->'''Frasier:''' Even gangs that dance?\\
phone]''\\
'''Martin:''' Especially gangs that dance!
** Martin and Daphne trolling people in
Got me to the elevator by having "secret" conversations literally behind their backs--on such awesome nonsense as Daphne being in Witness Protection (with Martin as her FBI handler) and their engaging in international smuggling!
--->'''Daphne:''' How'd you get the stuff through customs?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(smugly)'' They never check the prosthetic leg.
** The punch line of the episode: UsefulNotes/SigmundFreud appearing to Frasier in a dream to congratulate him on figuring out the Gil dream. [[OhCrap And to get into bed.]]
* "The Gift Horse":
** Roz has Frasier pretend to be her date to convince a man who dumped her that she has moved on (since the man in question kept calling Frasier "Fraser", he hesitantly agrees). After a false start, Roz' ex enters to see Roz and Frasier in the middle of a BigDamnKiss, and leaves with an uncomfortable look... just as Niles arrives and takes in the sight.
--->'''Niles:''' ''[off Frasier's embarrassed look]'' Hello.\\
right department?\\
'''Frasier:''' Hello Niles. Uh... No, but if I remember my high school Spanish correctly, you know, this [[NotWhatItLooksLike isn't what it looks like,]] ''[Roz continues to nuzzle and kiss Frasier]'' you see, her ex-boyfriend- oh, just stop that! ''[pushes Roz away]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[holds up
qualified for a small business loan. ''[Martin throws his hand]'' Please, please, no explanation necessary. I assume at arms up in frustration]''
* So Martin and Daphne go to
the next meeting of Seattle's "Haven't Kissed Roz Club," it will just be me bank in person to straighten things out, but the tellers think ''they'' owe ''Martin'' $40, and the archbishop! ''[chuckles]''\\
'''Roz:''' I'll save you
branch manager to whom he needs to speak to give back the club dues.\\
'''Niles:''' What-?\\
''[Roz [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKB_El6iTco gives Niles]] a BigDamnKiss,
now $80 the bank has given him erroneously is out of town. The manager who tells him this does offer an alternative, and picks up the phone and dials...
-->'''Manager:''' ''[listens,
then leaves]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[shocked yet observant]'' '''''Everyone''''' kisses better than Maris!
** Frasier's deliciously hammy reaction after buying
enunciates]'' Per-son-al. ''[Martin sinks into a big screen TV with accompanying sound system with gigantic speakers for chair in despair]''
* To
Martin's birthday shock, he gets a postcard several days letter revealing that the bank has misunderstood his request ''again'' and arriving home credited him another $80, so he goes back. Daphne has parked the car in a loading zone after dropping Martin off, but Martin, having already received one parking ticket on his visits to the birthday party bank, tells her to see it fully set up for pull around to the first time.
--->'''Frasier''': Oh, dear God ... it's '''''Stonehenge'''''.
* "Coots And Ladders" is
front, saying he shouldn't be long, and Eddie might be panicking. A security guard overhears this conversation, and when Martin advances to the desk and testily orders the teller to listen to him and do exactly what he says before reaching into his jacket, the security guard jumps to what seems like the obvious conclusion and draws a great gem gun on him. Cut to later, and the bank president tells Martin that they are offering him $10,000 not to press charges, plus the $40 from the final season. Especially the DramaticThunder sounding off at moments so ''perfect'', Frasier and Niles pull double-takes. And the dramatizations of Niles's conjectures of exactly ''what'' Frasier's beating himself up about.
* From "Love Bites Dog":
** Niles decides to advertise his practice, and gives Frasier a copy of the ad.
--->'''Frasier:''' All right. ''(reading)'' "Dr. Niles Crane. Jung specialist. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts". Well thatís just excellent Niles. All youíre missing now is a very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head!\\
'''Niles:''' Sorry I didnít hear you. I was too distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus.
** Of course, the ad company accidentally prints an "H" in place of the "J" in "Jung". HilarityEnsues.
--->'''Frasier:''' "Dr. Niles Crane. Hung specialist." ''({{beat}})'' Oh my.\\
'''Niles:''' The rest of it was surprisingly accurate. "Servicing individuals, couples... groups..." ''({{beat}})'' "Satisfaction guaranteed"... ''(looks at Frasier with some consternation)'' "Tell me where it hurts "\\
'''Frasier:''' Any calls?\\
'''Niles:''' It's a telethon.
** Everything about [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsyXV-B3uGk Frasier talking "like a guy" to get Bulldog back in gear]], but ''especially''...
--->'''Bulldog:''' I like the sound of this.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(Gruff)'' Yeah? So do I! It's unattractive--yet liberating, rather like [[TooMuchInformation the one and only time I wore a European bathing suit...!]]
** Frasier talking "like a guy" doesn't work too well with Niles however.
* From "We Two Kings":
** When Niles and Frasier are arguing over where to have Christmas:
--->'''Frasier:''' But I've had new stockings loomed, and there see, you made me spoil the surprise! And did no one hear me say that I have ordered an ''[[LargeHam Hungarian goose]]''?!\\
'''Niles:''' Which you are more than welcome to bring over to our place.\\
'''Frasier:''' It's not my date - it's dinner!
** Later in the episode:
--->'''Frasier:''' ''(to Niles)'' [[UsefulNotes/NicolausCopernicus Copernicus]] called - you are not the center of the universe!
* Gil has a great bit in "The Harassed", an epic HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday moment.
-->'''Gil:''' From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for my wandering eye over the years. Those whom I mentally undressed, and... you know who you are...\\
''(A male and female co-worker look at each other confusedly)''\\
'''Gil:''' ...all I can say and it's a poor defense is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my time.\\
'''Van Andrews:''' ''(running the harassment seminar)'' Thank you, Gil.\\
'''Gil:''' But know this, Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.\\
'''Van:''' Ah, Thank you, Gil. I think they like to be called women now.\\
'''Gil:''' Ha. Do they ever.
* When Niles and Daphne are holding a fake wedding in "The Ring Cycle" after they eloped, Roz has the unfortunate task of driving Daphne's mother. Fortunately, she gets taken down. By Alice Doyle of all people.
-->'''Gertrude:''' In my day we never drove so recklessly, and do you know why?\\
'''Alice:''' (''completely sincerely'') Is it because you used to ride dinosaurs?\\
(''everyone stares at Alice in shock'')\\
'''Gertrude:''' (''to Roz'') You should talk to your daughter. (''walks off'')\\
'''Roz:''' (''to Alice, beaming'') When we get home you're getting ice cream.
* "Frasier Gotta Have it": Frasier's fling with an extreme GranolaGirl. He starts to get turned off when he finds out she installed meat hooks on her ceiling, cuts her own hair and puts it in her pillows, uses dead mice for her artwork, and howls at the moon like a wolf. He's fleeing when Caitlyn asks, "Don't you think I'm worth it" and removes her top. Frasier's response: he howls like a wolf.
* "Cheerful Goodbyes":
** Carla's [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech epic put down]] of Cliff, in which she vents about the last 20 years of knowing him.
--->'''Carla:''' I sure do. Cliffy, I know that things haven't always been that great between us over the years, but being here tonight, makes me think about the effect that you've had on my life. I'd like to say that I'll miss you... I'd like to say that I'll miss you...\\
'''Frasier:''' It's okay, Carla.\\
'''Carla:''' I'd like to say that I'll miss you... but it sticks in my throat like your '''''rotten deviled eggs'''''! ''(increasingly loud and angry)'' I hate your guts! The way you talk and talk and talk about nothing! The way you walk, your stupid white socks...\\
'''Frasier:''' Carla!\\
'''Carla:''' ''(to Frasier)'' '''''Back off, I'm toasting!''''' ''(to Cliff)'' The twenty years I've known you would have been less painful if I was covered with open sores and thrown into a pit with, with a bunch of diseased rats. But finally, you're leaving! I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I can live again. ''I can live again! '''Finally, I can live! I can live!'''''
** And even funnier: Cliff then decides that he can't leave friends who can joke around like that.
--->'''Carla''': I wasn't joking! I really hate you! No! No! No!
* When ''Franchise/StarTrek'' celebrated its 30th anniversary in 1996, Creator/{{UPN}} aired ''Star Trek: 30 Years and Beyond'' to mark it. Part of it was a skit that showed Daphne, Niles,
original mistake. Martin gives up trying to clear up the misunderstanding and Roz (and, eventually, Eddie) as accepts the ''Voyager'' bridge crew under the command of a ''very'' flustered Janeway - obviously, Frasier himself was absent because he had already been Captain Morgan Bateson over on ''TNG''. But even despite that, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qxD2eoh-W4 the sight settlement.
-->'''Bank President:''' That's wonderful. Now,
is surreal and a barrelful of laughs]]. there anything else I can do for you?\\
'''Daphne:''' Could I open an account?

[[AC:1021:
The signature early series ''Frasier'' jokes are all there; Niles' fussiness (complete with dusting down his chair with his handkerchief) and secret lust for an oblivious Daphne, Roz' sexual appetite and Niles' snarky remarks thereon, Martin's gruff sarcasm and longing for a technologically simpler age (Janeway drily notes that the communicators in his day consisted of tin cans on a string), Daphne's supposed telepathy (which picks up Niles' desire for her and yet still leaves her none the wiser)... who can blame Janeway for deciding to initiate the ship's self-destruct sequence?
* In "The
Devil And and Dr. Phil", Phil]]
*
Bebe is trying to get Frasier back...and back into ''bed''. Niles has ''the'' most perfect remark on this--ever:



* "A Man, A Plan and A Gal: Julia":
** Having decided that he suffers from a case of ManHands when it comes to his girlfriends and trying to break the pattern, Frasier tries desperately to pretend that he's perfectly happy with his unpleasant, rude new girlfriend Julia Wilcox. The pretence gets gradually more and more strained:
--->'''Frasier:''' Isn't this fun? [[BlatantLies I'm having a good time.]]\\

to:

* "A The [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaK-R-VaYnY&t=5m2s scene in Bebe's hotel room]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 11]]
[[AC:1101: No Sex Please, We're Skittish]]
* Niles and Daphne avert the LawOfInverseFertility. It started with her mistaking a pregnancy test for an ovulation test, then they put two and two together...
-->'''Niles:''' But, my slow sperm...\\
'''Daphne:''' I must have fast eggs.

[[AC:1102: A
Man, A a Plan and A a Gal: Julia":
**
Julia]]
*
Having decided that he suffers from a case of ManHands MinorFlawMajorBreakup when it comes to his girlfriends and trying to break the pattern, Frasier tries desperately to pretend that he's perfectly happy with his unpleasant, rude new girlfriend Julia Wilcox. The pretence gets gradually more and more strained:
--->'''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' Isn't this fun? [[BlatantLies I'm having a good time.]]\\



** Later, Julia is playing Pictionary with the Cranes and Daphne. Frasier makes a bad drawing, which causes Julia to make snide comments on all of them before choking on something. When Frasier finally notices, he excuses her to the bathroom. The following conversation ensues...
---> '''Frasier:''' You can't understand the kind of feelings Julia and I have for each other! You may as well ask me to describe the essence of music, or the... the color of starlight!\\

to:

** * Later, Julia is playing Pictionary with the Cranes and Daphne. Frasier makes a bad drawing, which causes Julia to make snide comments on all of them before choking on something. When Frasier finally notices, he excuses her to the bathroom. The following conversation ensues...
---> --> '''Frasier:''' You can't understand the kind of feelings Julia and I have for each other! You may as well ask me to describe the essence of music, or the... the color of starlight!\\



* "Father of the Bride":
** After Frasier accidentally offers to pay for Daphne's wedding [[ItMakesSenseInContext (due to a bad case of the hiccups),]] he and Martin are desperate for an excuse to back out without hurting Daphne's feelings. Cue the following:
--->'''Martin:''' Donnie's not gonna let us pay for this! We're not even family!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes! You saw how he proposed, on bended knee! He's nothing if not a hopeless romantic!\\
''[Frasier opens the door to find Donnie on the phone]''\\
'''Donnie:''' Any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash!
** Later in the same episode, Frasier is [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qaQNnkq4xI desperately]] trying to convince Niles that his new "girlfriend" Sabrina is actually a high-class call girl:
--->'''Frasier:''' Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say? Is she ''fascinated'' by everything about you?\\
'''Niles:''' Well...\\
'''Frasier:''' Even your collections?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[Defensively]'' Yes. I even showed her my collection of rare 18th century Portuguese bud vases.\\
'''Frasier:''' And how did she respond?\\
'''Niles:''' If you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collects porcelain and [[ExplainExplainOhCrap oh my God, I'm dating a whore!]] ... They have my ''credit card number''! I've been running up a ''tab''!
* In "Give Him the Chair!", Frasier throws out Martin's chair while he's out and has to get him a new one before he gets back. He goes with Niles to the furniture store and fumble their way around before finally setting on a chair. No one is exactly pleased with the chair until the showman turns on the massage.
** Niles' reaction in the store is funny enough...
--->'''Niles:''' I never knew a chair could be this satisfying! ...I never knew that ''anything'' could! ...I want it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Right, Niles. I'm sure it would fit in with all of Maris' eighteenth-century antiques.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, I'll just rent it an apartment and visit it on the side!
** ... but it's topped by Daphne's reaction once it's back in the apartment.
--->'''Daphne:''' This is comfy, although it's a little on the soft side, and I prefer- [[SomethingElseAlsoRises ...hello!... oh, oh!... ooh, this is enough to make me give up me search for a meaningful relationship!]]\\
''(someone approaches)''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, oh, quick! That's dad! Get out, get out, get out!!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''(clearly annoyed)'' Oh, alright! Just like a man: now you've had your fun, you don't care where I am!
** Then there's Martin's reaction.
--->'''Martin:''' ''(beat)'' '''''That's DISGUSTING!'''''
* "Where There's Smoke, There's Fired":
** The first scene features a classic zinger from Niles directed at the absent Bebe Glazer:
--->'''Frasier:''' No, it's just that, uh, the station's been sold, I was hoping she might have some scuttlebutt on the new owner. ''[the doorbell rings; Frasier leaves to answer it]'' I must admit, she's... rather hard to get a hold of these days!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh really? I thought one just drew a pentagram on the floor and chanted "I summon thee" three times. ''[Martin almost spits out the mouthful of coffee he has just drunk]''
** Frasier learns from Roz that KACL's new owner is Texan media millionaire Wilfred S. "Big Willy" Boone, who, when he meets Frasier, "recruits" his help to get his fiancee to quit smoking; if she doesn't, he will call off their engagement. Frasier gets a nasty shock when he discovers who Big Willy's fiancee is...
--->'''Frasier:''' That's me, Dr. Frasier Crane, bimbo wrangler. ''[sits down and {{Facepalm}}s]''\\
'''Roz:''' Frasier, stop it! This is a golden opportunity! You make this little tootsie quit smoking and we're halfway to syndication!\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[appearing in the doorway]'' Did someone just say the word "syndication", or do I just hear it every time I lay eyes on my favourite client! ''[walks toward Frasier, arms outstretched]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[still despairing]'' Oh, Bebe... ''[embraces her and kisses her on either cheek]''\\
'''Bebe:''' Is something wrong, dear? ''[Frasier moans; we see Big Willy talking to two other station employees through the back window]''\\
'''Roz:''' We just met Big Willy.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sitting down again]'' Oh, he thinks I'm some sort of a magician, he wants me to play therapist to his little fiancee, no doubt some gold-digging piranha so devoid of scruples that she's willing to rob the coffin just- ''[he and Roz notice Bebe and Big Willy making kissy faces at each other through the glass]'' oh, dear ''God!''... ''[{{Facepalm}}s again]''
** Big Willy gives Frasier three days to get Bebe to quit smoking; their first therapy session seems to go well as Frasier gets to the heart of why Bebe smokes in the first place, but as she is about to leave, Niles arrives and stalls her, telling Frasier she will smoke half a pack of cigarettes before she even gets down to the lobby of Frasier's building. Sure enough, Bebe is lighting up in Frasier's kitchen, while Daphne and Martin are horrified at Niles' insistence that Bebe must stay there for the weekend. As Frasier takes them to the kitchen to prove that Bebe has made progress, she stuffs her still lit cigarette in her handbag, and is unaware that smoke is pouring out of it as she returns to Frasier's living room...
--->'''Bebe:''' I'm sorry I can't stay and help you with the paper, Niles, wedding preparations and all. ''[to Frasier]'' But I'll remember those helpful hints, it's exercise, gum, and lots of water. ''[Frasier, Niles, Daphne, and Martin all notice the smoke coming out of Bebe's handbag]''\\
'''Niles:''' Water should come in handy for putting out those pesky purse fires. ''[Bebe notices the smoke and starts hitting her handbag to extinguish the cigarette]''\\
'''Frasier:''' All right Niles, secure the door! Bebe, you are not going anywhere, you're staying for the weekend, now give me that purse! ''[Niles locks the front door]''\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[defeated]'' All right, just... let me remove one very precious memento...\\
'''Frasier:''' Very well. ''[Bebe opens her handbag, puts it over her face, and breathes deeply]'' Oh, stop it! ''[pulls the bag away from her]''
** Bebe's borderline erotic description of how smoking a cigarette makes her feel sets off Daphne's own sporadic smoking tendencies, and at 5:30am, she sneaks onto the balcony and lights up, waking up a sleeping Bebe on the sofa. Now desperate for a cigarette herself, Bebe locks Daphne on the balcony in the rain and refuses to let her in unless she gives her a smoke; Daphne retaliates by holding the pack over the edge of the balcony, threatening to drop it unless Bebe unlocks the door. Finally, Frasier enters and switches on the lights; the payoff comes when Bebe and Daphne deliver their lines in the following exchange like two young children caught fighting by their parents:
--->'''Frasier:''' What the hell's going on out here?\\
'''Bebe:''' Daphne was smoking!\\
'''Daphne:''' She made me do it!
* Near the beginning of "Ask Me No Questions", Niles arrives at Frasier's apartment, unconcerned with Frasier's anger at his lateness for their squash game, as he is too busy having an affectionate phone conversation with Maris. Sickened by the display, Frasier dials Niles' mobile phone from his own landline...
-->'''Niles:''' Oh, no, I would love to meet you for lunch, but you know what Dr. Deutsch said, no meetings outside our therapy sessions. Oh, now, Maris... oh, wait, hold on a second, it's my other line. ''[presses button]'' Hello?\\
'''Frasier:''' GET THE HELL OFF THE PHONE!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares at Frasier... and proceeds to speak to him through the phone]'' How ''rude!''\\
'''Frasier:''' Please! Don't you realise it's also rude to be late for an appointment!?\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, ''you'' are telling me about being late for an appointment!?...\\
''[the Crane brothers begin talking over each other, steadily getting faster and louder, until finally an irate Frasier slams his phone down]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[whirls round to face Frasier in outrage]'' How DARE you hang up on me!
* At the beginning of "The Crucible", Frasier comes up with a creative way to get his listeners to call in...
-->'''Frasier:''' You're listening to KACL, 780 on your AM dial. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. All our lines are open, so please, give us a call. ''[{{Beat}}]'' I'm just... sitting here waiting. ''[{{Beat}}]'' Hey, Seattle! Come on, I know you're out there! ''[fake laughs]'' Hey, look, I realise it's a, it's a sunny day, but, uh, on all those rainy days, ''I'' was there for ''you! [{{Beat}}]'' Well! All right then. If, uh, that's the way you want it, you leave me no recourse. ''[Roz looks confused]'' Uh... ''[sings]'' [[Music/DeanMartin WHE-E-E-EN THE-E-E-E MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA-]] ''[the switchboard lights up like a Christmas tree]'' That seems to have got you going there! Okay!
* In "Dial M for Martin", Niles enters Cafe Nervosa to find Roz and Martin sharing a table:
-->'''Niles:''' I'm not interrupting anything personal, am I?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[takes Martin's hand]'' Yeah, Niles, we just eloped. I'm your new mom. ''[Martin pats her hand]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[smirks]'' Well, I'll be a son of a bitch. ''[Roz shoots him a DeathGlare]''
* In "Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast", one of Frasier's callers (voiced by Music/HenryMancini in the last of his few performances as an actor rather than a composer or musician) is lamenting that he hates the sound of his own voice; Frasier and Roz clearly don't like it either, as they have long since stopped paying attention to the caller. Frasier sticks a backscratcher in the end of his sleeve as though it's his hand and taps on the glass of Roz' booth, making her laugh as he holds his backscratcher hand to his face in a thoughtful gesture and then scratches his underarm with it; Roz then goes one better by sticking the chopsticks from her Chinese take-away lunch in her mouth as though they're walrus tusks and completes the impression by flapping her elbows as though they're flippers, and soon it's all Frasier and Roz can do to keep the caller from finding out how hard they're laughing at each other's antics.
* The bachelor auction in "Can't Buy Me Love" is pure hilarity. The ladies in the audience are variously described as a "Rotweiler pit" and "like sharks at a feeding frenzy". As Martin enters while "public television's own cute and cuddly Mr. Science" is being bid on, we can hear the announcer shouting "Please, please, keep articles of clothing off the stage!" Seahawks linebacker T.J. "The Enforcer" Smith, whom Martin says has put two quarterbacks in the hospital so far that season, is utterly petrified when his number is called, and even more so when a woman with "this crazed look in her eye" buys him; inevitably, said woman turns out to be Roz. When Frasier comes off stage, he says the last thing he can remember is someone shouting "Shake your money maker!"
* The climax of Niles and Martin inadvertently turning Freddie into a walking disaster magnet in "A Lilith Thanksgiving" is one of the series' better moments of silent comedy. Over the course of the second act, Martin accidentally hits Freddie in the eye with a baseball, Niles accidentally hits him in the nose with the freezer door, Martin gives him bubble gum which he then has to cut out of Freddie's hair, and Niles gives him remoulade which causes a flare-up of the lad's anchovy allergy - none of which crosses Frasier and Lilith's radar, as they are too busy sabotaging Freddie's chances of getting into a prestigious prep school through overthinking things; the headmaster then makes the mistake of implying that if they can produce a fully cooked turkey for his Thanksgiving dinner (his own having failed to cook properly), he might let Freddie into the school (actually just a ploy to get rid of them once and for all). In a dialogue-free scene, Niles bastes the turkey as Martin races into the kitchen, grabs the ice pack from the freezer, and races out again, followed by Niles with a bottle of wine. While they are out of the kitchen, Frasier and Lilith return, take the turkey out of the oven, and carry it out to the car. As the timer goes off, Niles returns, then opens the oven, and is thoroughly confused to find the turkey gone. He even checks the other oven.
* "Roe to Perdition":
** The B plot has a hilarious example of ForInconveniencePressOne. After getting $60 from an ATM instead of the $20 he wanted to get, Martin is persuaded by Daphne to call the bank's toll-free customer service line. Inevitably, he struggles with the voice-activated menu, and Frasier's attempts to help do just the opposite...
--->'''Martin:''' ''[into phone, angrily]'' PER-SON-AL!\\
'''Niles:''' What'cha doing, Dad?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, this stupid bank's automated voice system. It's, it's like a maze!\\
'''Frasier:''' All right, give it here. ''[taking the phone from Martin]'' You just push 0, and you'll get an operator. ''[presses the 0 button]'' Little trick I learned. ''[listens]'' Another menu. Hm. Sometimes it's a star. ''[presses the star button; listens]'' All right, maybe 1 will get me back to a main menu. ''[presses the 1 button; listens]'' Ah. Here you go. ''[hands Martin the phone]''\\
'''Martin:''' Got me to the right department?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, but if I remember my high school Spanish correctly, you just qualified for a small business loan. ''[Martin throws his arms up in frustration]''
** So Martin and Daphne go to the bank in person to straighten things out, but the tellers think ''they'' owe ''Martin'' $40, and the branch manager to whom he needs to speak to give back the now $80 the bank has given him erroneously is out of town. The manager who tells him this does offer an alternative, and picks up the phone and dials...
--->'''Manager:''' ''[listens, then enunciates]'' Per-son-al. ''[Martin sinks into a chair in despair]''
** To Martin's shock, he gets a postcard several days letter revealing that the bank has misunderstood his request ''again'' and credited him another $80, so he goes back. Daphne has parked the car in a loading zone after dropping Martin off, but Martin, having already received one parking ticket on his visits to the bank, tells her to pull around to the front, saying he shouldn't be long, and Eddie might be panicking. A security guard overhears this conversation, and when Martin advances to the desk and testily orders the teller to listen to him and do exactly what he says before reaching into his jacket, the security guard jumps to what seems like the obvious conclusion and draws a gun on him. Cut to later, and the bank president tells Martin that they are offering him $10,000 not to press charges, plus the $40 from the original mistake. Martin gives up trying to clear up the misunderstanding and accepts the settlement.
--->'''Bank President:''' That's wonderful. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?\\
'''Daphne:''' Could I open an account?
* From "The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl", the whole sequence where Frasier and Kate's lovemaking session is broadcast over the airwaves is hilarious, but the most priceless scene is the look of absolute horror on Niles' face as he listens on his car radio:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[on radio]'' Oh, ''yes!''... oh no, is that the "On Air" light!?\\
'''Kate:''' ''[loud whisper]'' Stop talking!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[not quite whispering]'' You must have hit the switch with your elbow while we were-\\
'''Kate:''' ''[louder whisper]'' Stop talking!\\
'''Frasier:''' We'd better hurry up and get dressed while we still-\\
'''Niles:''' ''[to radio]'' STOP - TALKING! ''[he looks back through his windscreen and slams on the brakes, but too late; he hits the vehicle in front of him, deploying his airbags]''
* In "Momma Mia", Frasier begins dating a woman whom Niles and Martin immediately notice as a dead ringer for the late Hester Crane. However, Frasier hasn't noticed the resemblance between his mother and his girlfriend, leading to the following hilarious exchange between Niles and Martin after Frasier berates Niles for his bug phobia and insists he seek professional help:
-->'''Martin:''' ''God'', she looks just like your mother!\\
'''Niles:''' I know. And Frasier... doesn't see it.\\
'''Martin:''' You're kidding!\\
'''Niles:''' No. And he has the gall to tell me ''I'm'' blind. He's ''clearly'' the one dealing with repressed material, not to mention the obvious Oedipal issues.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[nodding]'' Argle gargle google goop.\\
'''Niles:''' ... what?!\\
'''Martin:''' Now you know how it feels, ''what are you talking about!?''

to:


[[AC:1103: The Doctor is Out]]
* "Father of Niles chooses the Bride":
** After
worst possible moment to shout above the music in a gay bar:
-->'''Niles:''' (''to Frasier, just as the loud music cuts out'') [[SevenMinuteLull WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE ME HOME!?]]
* When the techno blares out in full force,
Frasier accidentally offers starts ''bobbing to pay for Daphne's wedding [[ItMakesSenseInContext (due the beat''.
* Creator/PatrickStewart as Alistair giving a nice twist on the {{Gaydar}} trope--in that his character is ''himself'' gay. His reaction to Niles being married to Daphne:
-->'''Alistair''': ''No''.\\
'''Niles''': Oh, we're expecting!\\
'''Alistair''': Can't say ''I'' was...!
* Then you have Alistair inviting Frasier
to a bad case of the hiccups),]] he party and Martin to watch an opera rehearsal. Niles has stood up and is pining to be taken, too.
-->'''Frasier:''' I would love that. Let me just grab my coffee. Good-bye, Dad. ''(mocking)'' Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''(jealous)'' Did you ''see'' that? I would ''kill'' to go to that party. ''(pouts)'' I was at that gay bar too, you know.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(annoyed)'' Let's see: one of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. [[SarcasmMode Yep, life is good.]]
* Daphne says she fantasizes about being a buddy of Peter O'Toole. When everyone is invited to Alistair's party:
-->'''Daphne:''' Will Creator/PeterOToole be there?\\
'''Alistair:''' [[NoodleIncident No - and he knows why!]]
* Frasier and Alistair
are desperate tangoing, very closely, as Frasier tries to "break up" with him.
-->'''Alistair:''' I want to thank you
for an excuse to back out without hurting Daphne's feelings. Cue the following:
--->'''Martin:''' Donnie's not gonna let us pay for this! We're not even family!\\
waiting.\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes! You saw how he proposed, on bended knee! He's nothing if not a hopeless romantic!\\
''[Frasier opens
''(nervous)'' Oh no, the door to find Donnie on waiting was good, I enjoyed the phone]''\\
'''Donnie:''' Any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash!
** Later in
waiting.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(hungrily)'' Oh, me ''too''! How it sharpens
the same episode, appetite. ''(holds Frasier is [[https://www.closer)'' How it builds! The intensity, the heat, the desire! Can you feel it?!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(horrified)'' [[RagingStiffie Oh yes, there it is!]]
* Followed by this:
-->'''Glinka:''' Don't they make a stunning couple?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(barely bursting from laughing)'' I'm more stunned by them each day.
* The episode ends on Frasier "breaking up" with Alistair, with this corker of an exchange.
-->'''Alistair:''' Would you mind staying tonight until my other guests have gone? I'd hate my friends to think I've been jilted.\\
'''Frasier:''' Of course.\\
'''Alistair:''' It won't be very late. Around about 3:00 it's down to the core crowd, and we'll all relax and unwind.\\
'''Servant:''' It's after midnight, sir. Shall I fire up the hot tub?\\
'''Alistair:''' Absolutely.\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm afraid I don't have a bathing suit.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(smiling)'' Then you'll fit right in.\\
''(Frasier's smile freezes as the implications dawn on him.)''

[[AC:1107: Maris Returns]]
* [[http://www.
youtube.com/watch?v=7qaQNnkq4xI desperately]] trying com/watch?v=pI8dJFW4kaA#t=3m20s This scene]] from Frasier's return to convince Niles private practice.

[[AC:1108: Murder Most Maris]]
* Frasier (in a horrified-sounding voice) milking the fact
that his new "girlfriend" Sabrina he was "recently--PUNCHED in the face...''by a man now dead''!" to distract from an argument is actually a high-class call girl:
--->'''Frasier:'''
pretty funny. The fact that it ''works'' is even funnier. That he does it ''twice more'' through the episode and it works ''every single time''? Crowning Moment.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGGRNR4RTio The last straw.]]
-->'''Frasier:'''
Niles, does Sabrina laugh look at everything you say? Is she ''fascinated'' by everything about you?\\
'''Niles:''' Well...
yourself.\\
''(Niles glances down at his naked self.)''\\
'''Niles:''' Hello! ''(to Frasier)'' I think I'm having that dream where I'm naked at Nervosa!\\
'''Frasier:''' Even your collections?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[Defensively]'' Yes.
I even showed her my collection think a lot of rare 18th century Portuguese bud vases.people are having that dream.

[[AC:1111: High Holidays]]
* Niles thinks he's high on a pot brownie (which was actually eaten by Martin instead) and is looking forward to the munchies. His idea of the munchies is pairing a Chilean seabass with an aggressive zinfandel.

[[AC:1112: Frasier-Lite]]
* Frasier has trouble keeping his weight loss team on point:
-->'''Frasier''': Good team, good friends. ''(realizing his weight loss team is going to the birthday party to get cake)'' Good God! People, please, it's not worth it! It's sheet cake!
* Later, just before the final weigh-in:
-->'''Noel''': I see giant steaks with legs.
\\
'''Frasier:''' And how did she respond?\\
'''Niles:''' If you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collects porcelain and [[ExplainExplainOhCrap oh my God, I'm dating a whore!]] ... They have my ''credit card number''! I've been running up a ''tab''!
* In "Give Him the Chair!", Frasier throws out Martin's chair while he's out and has to get him a new one before he gets back. He goes with Niles to the furniture store and fumble their way around before finally setting on a chair. No one is exactly pleased with the chair until the showman turns on the massage.
** Niles' reaction in the store is funny enough...
--->'''Niles:''' I never knew a chair could be this satisfying! ...I never knew that ''anything'' could! ...I want it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Right, Niles. I'm sure
'''Bulldog''': You're hallucinating. ''[[DopeSlap (slaps Noel)]]'' Just pull it would fit in with all of Maris' eighteenth-century antiques.together.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, I'll just rent it an apartment and visit it on '''Kenny''': Uh, no, he's right. It's the side!
** ... but it's topped by Daphne's reaction once it's back in the apartment.
--->'''Daphne:''' This is comfy, although it's a little
Beef Council dancers, they're on the soft side, and I prefer- [[SomethingElseAlsoRises ...hello!... oh, oh!... ooh, this is enough to make me give up me search for a meaningful relationship!]]\\
''(someone approaches)''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, oh, quick! That's dad! Get out, get out, get out!!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''(clearly annoyed)'' Oh, alright! Just like a man: now you've had your fun, you don't care where I am!
** Then there's Martin's reaction.
--->'''Martin:''' ''(beat)'' '''''That's DISGUSTING!'''''
* "Where There's Smoke, There's Fired":
** The first scene features a classic zinger from Niles directed at the absent Bebe Glazer:
--->'''Frasier:''' No, it's just that, uh, the station's been sold, I was hoping she might have some scuttlebutt on the new owner. ''[the doorbell rings; Frasier leaves to answer it]'' I must admit, she's... rather hard to get a hold of these days!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh really? I thought one just drew a pentagram on the floor and chanted "I summon thee" three times. ''[Martin almost spits out the mouthful of coffee he has just drunk]''
** Frasier learns from Roz that KACL's new owner is Texan media millionaire Wilfred S. "Big Willy" Boone, who, when he meets Frasier, "recruits" his help to get his fiancee to quit smoking; if she doesn't, he will call off their engagement. Frasier gets a nasty shock when he discovers who Big Willy's fiancee is...
--->'''Frasier:''' That's me, Dr. Frasier Crane, bimbo wrangler. ''[sits down and {{Facepalm}}s]''\\
'''Roz:''' Frasier, stop it! This is a golden opportunity! You make this little tootsie quit smoking and we're halfway to syndication!\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[appearing in the doorway]'' Did someone just say the word "syndication", or do I just hear it every time I lay eyes on my favourite client! ''[walks toward Frasier, arms outstretched]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[still despairing]'' Oh, Bebe... ''[embraces her and kisses her on either cheek]''\\
'''Bebe:''' Is something wrong, dear? ''[Frasier moans; we see Big Willy talking to two other station employees through the back window]''\\
'''Roz:''' We just met Big Willy.
after us.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sitting down again]'' Oh, he thinks I'm some sort of a magician, he wants me to play therapist to his little fiancee, no doubt some gold-digging piranha so devoid of scruples that she's willing to rob the coffin just- ''[he and Roz notice Bebe and Big Willy making kissy faces at each other through the glass]'' oh, dear ''God!''... ''[{{Facepalm}}s again]''
** Big Willy gives Frasier three days to get Bebe to quit smoking; their first therapy session seems to go well as Frasier gets to the heart of why Bebe smokes in the first place, but as she is about to leave, Niles arrives and stalls her, telling Frasier she will smoke half a pack of cigarettes before she even gets down to the lobby of Frasier's building. Sure enough, Bebe is lighting up in Frasier's kitchen, while Daphne and
''(Noel slaps Bulldog right back)''

[[AC:1114: Freudian Sleep]]
* The way
Martin are horrified at Niles' insistence that Bebe must stay there for allayed the weekend. As Frasier takes them to the kitchen to prove that Bebe has made progress, she stuffs her still lit cigarette in her handbag, and is unaware that smoke is pouring out of it as she returns to Frasier's living room...
--->'''Bebe:''' I'm sorry I can't stay and help you with the paper, Niles, wedding preparations and all. ''[to Frasier]'' But I'll remember those helpful hints, it's exercise, gum, and lots of water. ''[Frasier, Niles, Daphne, and Martin all notice the smoke coming out of Bebe's handbag]''\\
'''Niles:''' Water should come in handy for putting out those pesky purse fires. ''[Bebe notices the smoke and starts hitting her handbag to extinguish the cigarette]''\\
'''Frasier:''' All right Niles, secure the door! Bebe, you are not going anywhere,
other three characters' tension about their nightmares:
-->'''Martin:''' Blah blah blah. ''(To Daphne)'' Afraid
you're staying for going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone. ''(To Frasier)'' Afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family. ''(To Niles)'' Afraid you're going to be a bad father? [[SelfDeprecation Join the weekend, now give me that purse! ''[Niles locks the front door]''\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[defeated]'' All right, just... let me remove one very precious memento...
club]]. Now clam it up and go to sleep.\\
'''Niles:''' [[HypocriticalHumor I'm starting to regret inviting him up here]].
* Martin and Eddie's dreams in the episode. Of course, since Martin sang a rather catchy tune in his dream, this is equal parts Funny Moment and SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic.

[[AC:1115: Caught in the Act]]
* This exchange:
-->'''Roz:''' ''(on Frasier's brief marriage with Nanny G at a children's book store)'' [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre So, uh, Nanny Gee gave you nice "hugs"?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Very well. ''[Bebe opens her handbag, puts it over her face, and breathes deeply]'' Oh, stop it! ''[pulls the bag away from her]''
** Bebe's borderline erotic description of how smoking a cigarette makes her feel sets off Daphne's own sporadic smoking tendencies, and at 5:30am, she sneaks onto the balcony and lights up, waking up a sleeping Bebe on the sofa. Now desperate for a cigarette herself, Bebe locks Daphne on the balcony in the rain and refuses to let her in unless she gives her a smoke; Daphne retaliates by holding the pack over the edge of the balcony, threatening to drop it unless Bebe unlocks the door. Finally, Frasier enters and switches on the lights; the payoff comes when Bebe and Daphne deliver their lines in the following exchange like two young children caught fighting by their parents:
--->'''Frasier:''' What the hell's going on out here?\\
'''Bebe:''' Daphne was smoking!\\
'''Daphne:''' She made me do it!
* Near the beginning of "Ask Me No Questions", Niles arrives at Frasier's apartment, unconcerned with Frasier's anger at his lateness for their squash game, as he is too busy having an affectionate phone conversation with Maris. Sickened by the display, Frasier dials Niles' mobile phone from his own landline...
-->'''Niles:''' Oh, no, I would love to meet you for lunch, but you know what Dr. Deutsch said, no meetings outside our therapy sessions. Oh, now, Maris... oh, wait, hold on a second, it's my other line. ''[presses button]'' Hello?\\
'''Frasier:''' GET THE HELL OFF THE PHONE!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares at Frasier... and proceeds to speak to him through the phone]'' How ''rude!''\\
'''Frasier:''' Please! Don't you realise it's also rude to be late for an appointment!?\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, ''you'' are telling me about being late for an appointment!?...
''big'' hugs.\\
''[the Crane brothers begin talking over each other, steadily getting faster and louder, until finally an irate Frasier slams his phone down]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[whirls round to face Frasier in outrage]'' How DARE you hang up on me!
* At the beginning of "The Crucible", Frasier comes up with a creative way to get his listeners to call in...
-->'''Frasier:''' You're listening to KACL, 780 on your AM dial. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. All our lines are open, so please, give us a call. ''[{{Beat}}]'' I'm just... sitting here waiting. ''[{{Beat}}]'' Hey, Seattle! Come on, I know you're out there! ''[fake laughs]'' Hey, look, I realise it's a, it's a sunny day, but, uh, on all those rainy days, ''I'' was there for ''you! [{{Beat}}]'' Well! All right then. If, uh, that's the way you want it, you leave me no recourse. ''[Roz looks confused]'' Uh... ''[sings]'' [[Music/DeanMartin WHE-E-E-EN THE-E-E-E MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA-]] ''[the switchboard lights up like a Christmas tree]'' That seems to have got you going there! Okay!
* In "Dial M for Martin", Niles enters Cafe Nervosa to find Roz and Martin sharing a table:
-->'''Niles:''' I'm not interrupting anything personal, am I?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[takes Martin's hand]'' Yeah, Niles, we just eloped. I'm your new mom. ''[Martin pats her hand]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[smirks]'' Well, I'll be a son of a bitch. ''[Roz shoots him a DeathGlare]''
* In "Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast", one of Frasier's callers (voiced by Music/HenryMancini in the last of his few performances as an actor rather than a composer or musician) is lamenting that he hates the sound of his own voice; Frasier and Roz clearly don't like it either, as they have long since stopped paying attention to the caller. Frasier sticks a backscratcher in the end of his sleeve as though it's his hand and taps on the glass of Roz' booth, making her laugh as he holds his backscratcher hand to his face in a thoughtful gesture and then scratches his underarm with it; Roz then goes one better by sticking the chopsticks from her Chinese take-away lunch in her mouth as though they're walrus tusks and completes the impression by flapping her elbows as though they're flippers, and soon it's all Frasier and Roz can do to keep the caller from finding out how hard they're laughing at each other's antics.
* The bachelor auction in "Can't Buy Me Love" is pure hilarity. The ladies in the audience are variously described as a "Rotweiler pit" and "like sharks at a feeding frenzy". As Martin enters while "public television's own cute and cuddly Mr. Science" is being bid on, we can hear the announcer shouting "Please, please, keep articles of clothing off the stage!" Seahawks linebacker T.J. "The Enforcer" Smith, whom Martin says has put two quarterbacks in the hospital so far that season, is utterly petrified when his number is called, and even more so when a woman with "this crazed look in her eye" buys him; inevitably, said woman turns out to be Roz. When Frasier comes off stage, he says the last thing he can remember is someone shouting "Shake your money maker!"
* The climax of Niles and Martin inadvertently turning Freddie into a walking disaster magnet in "A Lilith Thanksgiving" is one of the series' better moments of silent comedy. Over the course of the second act, Martin accidentally hits Freddie in the eye with a baseball, Niles accidentally hits him in the nose with the freezer door, Martin gives him bubble gum which he then has to cut out of Freddie's hair, and Niles gives him remoulade which causes a flare-up of the lad's anchovy allergy - none of which crosses Frasier and Lilith's radar, as they are too busy sabotaging Freddie's chances of getting into a prestigious prep school through overthinking things; the headmaster then makes the mistake of implying that if they can produce a fully cooked turkey for his Thanksgiving dinner (his own having failed to cook properly), he might let Freddie into the school (actually just a ploy to get rid of them once and for all). In a dialogue-free scene, Niles bastes the turkey as Martin races into the kitchen, grabs the ice pack from the freezer, and races out again, followed by Niles with a bottle of wine. While they are out of the kitchen, Frasier and Lilith return, take the turkey out of the oven, and carry it out to the car. As the timer goes off, Niles returns, then opens the oven, and is thoroughly confused to find the turkey gone. He even checks the other oven.
* "Roe to Perdition":
** The B plot has a hilarious example of ForInconveniencePressOne. After getting $60 from an ATM instead of the $20 he wanted to get, Martin is persuaded by Daphne to call the bank's toll-free customer service line. Inevitably, he struggles with the voice-activated menu, and Frasier's attempts to help do just the opposite...
--->'''Martin:''' ''[into phone, angrily]'' PER-SON-AL!\\
'''Niles:''' What'cha doing, Dad?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, this stupid bank's automated voice system. It's, it's like a maze!\\
'''Frasier:''' All right, give it here. ''[taking the phone from Martin]'' You just push 0, and you'll get an operator. ''[presses the 0 button]'' Little trick I learned. ''[listens]'' Another menu. Hm. Sometimes it's a star. ''[presses the star button; listens]'' All right, maybe 1 will get me back to a main menu. ''[presses the 1 button; listens]'' Ah. Here you go. ''[hands Martin the phone]''\\
'''Martin:''' Got me to the right department?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, but if I remember my high school Spanish correctly, you just qualified for a small business loan. ''[Martin throws his arms up in frustration]''
** So Martin and Daphne go to the bank in person to straighten things out, but the tellers think ''they'' owe ''Martin'' $40, and the branch manager to whom he needs to speak to give back the now $80 the bank has given him erroneously is out of town. The manager who tells him this does offer an alternative, and picks up the phone and dials...
--->'''Manager:''' ''[listens, then enunciates]'' Per-son-al. ''[Martin sinks into a chair in despair]''
** To Martin's shock, he gets a postcard several days letter revealing that the bank has misunderstood his request ''again'' and credited him another $80, so he goes back. Daphne has parked the car in a loading zone after dropping Martin off, but Martin, having already received one parking ticket on his visits to the bank, tells her to pull around to the front, saying he shouldn't be long, and Eddie might be panicking. A security guard overhears this conversation, and when Martin advances to the desk and testily orders the teller to listen to him and do exactly what he says before reaching into his jacket, the security guard jumps to what seems like the obvious conclusion and draws a gun on him. Cut to later, and the bank president tells Martin that they are offering him $10,000 not to press charges, plus the $40 from the original mistake. Martin gives up trying to clear up the misunderstanding and accepts the settlement.
--->'''Bank President:''' That's wonderful. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?\\
'''Daphne:''' Could I open an account?
* From "The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl", the whole sequence where Frasier and Kate's lovemaking session is broadcast over the airwaves is hilarious, but the most priceless scene is the look of absolute horror on Niles' face as he listens on his car radio:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[on radio]'' Oh, ''yes!''... oh no, is that the "On Air" light!?\\
'''Kate:''' ''[loud whisper]'' Stop talking!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[not quite whispering]'' You must have hit the switch with your elbow while we were-\\
'''Kate:''' ''[louder whisper]'' Stop talking!\\
'''Frasier:''' We'd better hurry up and get dressed while we still-\\
'''Niles:''' ''[to radio]'' STOP - TALKING! ''[he looks back through his windscreen and slams on the brakes, but too late; he hits the vehicle in front of him, deploying his airbags]''
* In "Momma Mia", Frasier begins dating a woman whom Niles and Martin immediately notice as a dead ringer for the late Hester Crane. However, Frasier hasn't noticed the resemblance between his mother and his girlfriend, leading to the following hilarious exchange between Niles and Martin after Frasier berates Niles for his bug phobia and insists he seek professional help:
-->'''Martin:''' ''God'', she looks just like your mother!\\
'''Niles:''' I know. And Frasier... doesn't see it.
No kidding.\\
'''Frasier:''' We used to hug our brains out. In fact, you know, the last time we saw each other she wanted to have a little reunion hug, but alas, I was still married to Lilith and settling for my weekly handshake.
* A great line of RealitySubtext:
-->'''Nanny G:''' But nothing ever changes! Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for ''twenty years''?
* This exchange when Frasier and Nannette start making out wildly.
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(aside)'' Isn't she the children's entertainer?\\
'''Martin:''' You're kidding!\\
'''Niles:''' No. And he has
''(aside)'' Yeah. Spongebob Hotpants.
* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abAvfLw8ROo final scene]] was so hilarious
the gall studio audience reportedly had to tell me ''I'm'' blind. He's ''clearly'' be ''muted''.

[[AC:1116: Boo!]]
* The moment when Frasier - tired of being
the one dealing butt of Martin's practical jokes - retaliates by pretending to leave the apartment, dressing in a clown outfit, hiding in the bathroom and then leaping out with repressed material, not a meat cleaver in hand when Martin passes by...causing Martin to mention promptly collapse with a heart attack and have to be rushed to hospital. Followed by meeting the obvious Oedipal issues.screaming coulrophobic patient who was the inspiration for the outfit.

[[AC:1117: Coots and Ladders]]
* The DramaticThunder sounding off at moments so ''perfect'', Frasier and Niles pull double-takes. And the dramatizations of Niles's conjectures of exactly ''what'' Frasier's beating himself up about.

[[AC:1122: Crock Tales]]
* In the 2002 vignette, we get this gem of PurpleProse even by Niles' standards:
-->'''Niles''': Last night, Daphne and I engaged in sweet carnal delights.
\\
'''Martin:''' ''[nodding]'' Argle gargle google goop.\\
'''Niles:''' ... what?!\\
'''Martin:''' Now
''(because of the way he pronounced it, though, Martin just has to ask)''\\
'''Martin''': Did
you know how say "carnal" or "caramel"?
* Niles is so distracted by his euphoria over the consummation of his relationship with Daphne that he has forgotten to bring Roz a birthday present, and hastily wraps the earthenware crock that features in each of this episode's vignettes. Frasier's "Yes, I know, don't say anything" gesture to Martin as Roz unwraps the gift is priceless.
-->'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' Oh look, it's a crock. With a chipped lid, ''[lifts lid]'' and a dead bee.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Other]]
* When ''Franchise/StarTrek'' celebrated its 30th anniversary in 1996, Creator/{{UPN}} aired ''Star Trek: 30 Years and Beyond'' to mark it. Part of
it feels, ''what was a skit that showed Daphne, Niles, Martin and Roz (and, eventually, Eddie) as the ''Voyager'' bridge crew under the command of a ''very'' flustered Janeway - obviously, Frasier himself was absent because he had already been Captain Morgan Bateson over on ''TNG''. But even despite that, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qxD2eoh-W4 the sight is surreal and a barrelful of laughs]]. The signature early series ''Frasier'' jokes are you talking about!?''all there; Niles' fussiness (complete with dusting down his chair with his handkerchief) and secret lust for an oblivious Daphne, Roz' sexual appetite and Niles' snarky remarks thereon, Martin's gruff sarcasm and longing for a technologically simpler age (Janeway drily notes that the communicators in his day consisted of tin cans on a string), Daphne's supposed telepathy (which picks up Niles' desire for her and yet still leaves her none the wiser)... who can blame Janeway for deciding to initiate the ship's self-destruct sequence?
[[/folder]]
This list shows the last 10 events of 392. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.Frasier