Funny: Final Fantasy XIV

Legacy/A Realm Reborn

  • There was a cutscene in which the Player Character is doing a ridiculous dance with Sisipu.
  • The opening wagon-ride into Gridania in A Realm Reborn has the player seeing some Moogles (in this universe, they can make themselves invisible to people, but your freshly-wakened Echo lets you see them regardless), who greet you with adorable horn-toots that only you can hear, and then while talking, one downs the drink of another passenger on the wagon.
  • Biggs and Wedge make an appearance when you join a Grand Company in ARR. Their comedy duo nature is enhanced even further by them being a Roegadyn and a Lalafell.
    • Later in the story: You hijack a Magitek Armor. In order to pilot it, the Lalafell is picked up by the Roegadyn, flung around 15 feet into the air, does a flip in the air, and lands in the pilot seat
  • The Scions of the Seventh Dawn (nee the Circle of Knowing) have a sort of clerk/receptionist who watches the front of their pad in Vesper Bay. She's a Lalafell... named Tataru. And she even does the "taru panic" during one particular cutscene.
  • During the weaver quests, the quest to learn to socket materia involves an aristocrat who had decided to take up gladiatorial combat. In order to "release his martial potential", he has you craft a cotton acton. However, it mustn't be any old acton like the peasants wear, it must be materia enhanced. When the guildmaster hears the request, he suggests you put in any old piece of materia, as the client likely won't be able to tell the difference.
    • After completing the request, the guildmaster informs you of an important fact about being a weaver: "While we are not required to respect our clients, we must appear to be respecting their wishes." Furthermore, he declares that you did an excellent job, since "as that little turd was sauntering out of here, I almost mistook him for a gladiator".
  • After the defeat of Ifrit, emissaries of the Three Grand Companies come to try to court the Player Character to join them, with Minfilia and Tataru both showing signs of exasperation, and even the PC has an expression at one point that just screams "You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!."
  • Trying to get info on how to fight Titan, you find a man claiming to be a member of a band of mercenaries famous for accomplishing said feat. He turns out to be lying, trying to coast on their reputation, and uses it to get you to do his job. When he's found out, his boss decides to settle the matter by having the two of you compete to see who can destroy a large boulder first. And of course, yours is three times as big as his. And he still cheats. The whole situation is just ridiculous. However that doesn't change the fact the things he does to cheat come back as actual mechanics when you actually do face Titan.
    • This is, of course, after he tasks you with killing a handful of rats. And can't remember Titan's name.
      • Even better, he thinks it's Tidus.
      • Later he comes back in Patch 2.2 claiming to have defeated Leviabeetus (read; Leviathan) in a previous encounter. He gets a Maelstrom Private going for a while before you show up and he essentially replays a scene from True Lies complete with the comment about his size.
  • Later, when you actually find one of the actual ex-members of the Band of Heroes, they want to test you, too. They've got a better reason, since challenging Titan just gives the Primal more prayer fuel, but the whole god about to attack Limsa Lominsa thing is a bit pressing. Y'shtola's reaction echoes the player's.
  • Lady Lilira the Lalafel. She acts like an adorably precocious child. And complains about being 'passed around like a swaddled babe'.
    • I meant the Sultana Nanamo...
  • One of the Marauder quests. The guildmaster sends you (along with his sister, a conjurer who has already backed you up before) to clear out a nest of beasts as a sort of training exercise. You finish it easily and the conjurer wonders if that was supposed to be a challenge - then you're challenged by a mysterious band of warriors. Actually, they're the guildmaster and several other unnamed guildmates who are all wearing face-concealing helmets. The conjurer says what the player is almost certainly thinking.
    Solkwyb: What a ridiculous charade. Did he honestly think we couldn't see through those paltry disguises? [...] Oh, and as a favor to me? Pray indulge Wyrnzoen in his little deception - subterfuge is not a marauder's forte.
    • And after you report back to the guild:
    Wyrnzoen: You did well to to topple opponents of such formidable skill. But let us not dwell on the nature of those masked men. What is important is your triumph in the face of overwhelming odds.
  • The Dragon Quest X crossover storyline referenced the Dragon Quest "Puff-Puff" Running Gag as your character's 'reward' for completing it. As usual, your character is asked to close his/her eyes as they give you your 'reward'. At the end of it, you open your eyes to catch a face full of a furry/feathery creature being held by the ladies.
  • Shantotto is specifically compared to The Calamity, in terms of danger to Eorzea. Shantotto is also slightly smaller than a typical Lalafell. And then she brings out Five V... and a rhyme.
  • Hildibrand returns in usual fashion, digging himself out of his own grave, convinced he's a zombie because of his amnesia. His quest chain is silly, nonsensical, and ends in a way that might leave you flabbergasted by how crazy it is. At one point, Hildibrand makes a joyful face that stretches his model so much it's very obviously meant to push the Uncanny Valley. Hildibrand's teeth also sparkles in the light every time he smiles!
  • Gilgamesh's exit after his boss battle by attempting to fly away on a rooster leaves the player character so flabbergasted they forget to preform their victory pose with the rest of the party.
    • The fight against Gilgamesh is also beyond silly; as a nod to his character, Gilgamesh will fake defeat halfway through the first round and then says he lied, proceeding to attack one random player as he buffs himself. Gilgamesh then runs away, saying he "remembered he had something to do" while he drops a bomb behind as another ambush attack. Gilgamesh also can cause Minimum, Toad, and Confusion, which makes the fight look even sillier as shrunk down and frog transformed party members are running around trying to avoid being hit while confused party members attack each other.
      • Gets Extra silly if the confused members are casters, (And even more so if they're Arcanists/Summoners/Scholars). Ever see Summoner smack a Black Mage repeatedly in the face with a book while the also confused Black Mage smacks the Summoner with their staff?
  • Retainer Ventures can end up being Noodle Incidents. Furniture? Parts of the house?.. Crafted weapons?... Loot from raid bosses?.. WEAPONS FROM RAID BOSSES?! Even Word of God isn't exactly sure how retainers can procure such items and says it's up to the players to decide how it all happened.
  • Once Leviathan has been defeated Thancred can be seen at the counter of The Rising Stones with a bottle of alcohol in his hand spilling his guts to F'lhaminn, who he's been crushing on ever since she resurfaced in 2.1. Topics include the first time he ever saw her, how pretty she is, and how he's been pretty crazy for her ever since. She seems flattered enough but decides it's time he stops drinking.
  • Patch 2.2 gave us someone even more over the top than Hildibrand: His father, Godbert.
  • When the Yellow Jackets come to pester you upon joining the Adventurer's Guild, Baderon sticks up for you with this gem.
    "This fine, upstandin' young gent is me dear departed grandma's sister's niece's cousin's closest companion. The lad wouldn't be caught dead fraternizin' with such unsavory elements."
  • In patch 2.3, Cid's reaction to the fact that Xande seeked out the power of darkness:
  • Upon moving to the Rising Stones, a Roegadyn by the name of Hoary Boulder joins the Scions as a minor NPC, while he's only there to give some life to the Scions' HQ, nearly every time you see him between quests, he's engaged in some minor comic relief, from being beaten up by Yda to overzealously training the Doman children.
  • Patch 2.3 and Hildibrand again. Nashu brings some more of her explosives along for some reason, and leaves them on a crate of fruit, and starts to (poorly) take notes of what her boss Hildebrand is saying for the record. A series of events causes all of these to fall into place when rival inspector Briardien comes back from questioning a victim of the Phantom Thief, and leads to this.
  • Later on in the same branch of the Hildibrand quest, Briardien tasks Hildibrand (condescendingly) with creating a distraction while he attempts to keep the bride hidden. Hildibrand proceeds to wear the bride's wedding gown (provided by the player under the pretense of keeping it safe while the real bride was disguised) and proceed with the ceremony. He promptly accuses the groom of being the phantom thief in disguise since the groom had never seen his bride before, yet was able to tell at a glance that Hildibrand was not the fair maiden he was betrothed to. The kicker? The groom actually WAS the phantom thief in disguise.
  • The Main Scenario quests for 2.3 involve a bunch of tempered sylphs disguising themselves as the other Scions of the Seventh Dawn. At one point you come across Yda and what appears to be Thancred huddled in a corner, crying that he can't go on because he's afraid something will happen to his beautiful face. After you expose him as a fake, Yda says she can't believe she fell for that trick, but the sylph's act was so convincing!
  • One of the Moogle Delivery Quests involves you bringing a dance instructor to Costa Del Sol. Said instructor happens to be a Mamool Ja, not just any Mamool Ja, but the same one involved in a FATE in Outer La Noscea, who was kicked out of the hot springs there due to his "ritual bathing dance" in front of some of the female bathers. We never see his dance, but its enough to make two dancers run away screaming and a bodyguard to fall to her knees.
  • The 2014 All Saints Wake event has NPCs that changes your appearance as part of an illusion. Most of the time, you'll transform into a devil based monster. Sometimes you'll be transformed into one of the alliance leaders and you can use your emotes with them, which can lead to hilarious results such as having Raubahn doing the Manderville dance or Kan-E-Senna doing the imperial salute.
  • Patch 2.4 introduces more shenanigans from Hildibrand's quest lines with Uncle Ulty joining the fray. Every time Ultros tries to stop the player character and his/her crew from entering the tournament, it hilariously backfires on him; a crate of explosives meant to blow up Hilidbrand's friends is tossed back to him unwittingly, he falls into one of his own pitfall traps, and gets attacked by Hildibrand's father, a guy who is known to be insanely strong. Butt Monkey doesn't even begin to describe Ultros.
  • The level 10 Rogue's Guild quest. The Pirates code is taken very seriously, even if it is their own Guild leader taking another member's prized Bismark Finger Sandwich.
    V'kebbe: Ye've cloyed somethin' what belonged to me, Jacke. An' I can't ignore the code...
    Jacke: Ahahaha, aye, the code! We mustn't ignore the code! ...Yer havin' a laugh, aren't ye, lass? ...Lass? (Screen Fades to black, with some sounds of violence occuring) Aaargh!
    (A few moments latter)Perimu Haurimu: ...That might be the swiftest string-up I've ever seen.
    V'kebbe: A punishment to fit the crime. Take a good long look, *Player's Name*. The code exists to preserve peace in Limsa─to keep the alleys from runnin' red with blood. This city's me home, an' I'll draw daggers on any cove fool enough to threaten that peace.
    Perimu Haurimu: A pointed lesson. Let's head inside, eh? Yer sandwich'll get cold.
    Jacke: Hey! Do ye mean to leave me here all night!? At least ye gave me a grand view o' the harbor! ...Gods piss, these ropes are tight!
  • In the main scenario of 2.4, there's a quest where you trail a Garlean spy with the help of Doman ninja. At one point you seem to lose track of the spy and have a discussion with the Crystal Braves second-in-command about what to do next. While this is going on, a peddler waltzes up to you and offers to sell you Eorzean Viagra. (In actuality, the peddler is a ninja in disguise with info about the spy's whereabouts).
  • Also in the main scenario, at one point you're back in Coerthas with Alphinaud, who's visibly shivering because of the cold just like he was during the Garuda arc. Immediately after, Minifillia (who usually wears a Stripperiffic outfit only slightly more revealing than Alphinaud's) walks up and defies Limited Wardrobe by wearing a very thick winter coat.
  • Once you finally gather the materials needed to create your Zodiac weapon, Jalzahn muses over what else needs to be done and suggests that the player character gather 50 more Atmas. The player character staggers at the mere thought of having to find more rare drops all over again (and possibly mirroring exactly how the player feels) until Gerolt suggest that you use the relic weapon itself as a catalyst, which brings a sigh of relief to the player character. And just to screw with the player further, once you are tasked with making your relic into materia, you're told several times that you only have a 1.4% chance of success and failure will destroy the relic. The game is actually lying, but one can't help but laugh at how the developers poked fun at the whole thing. Even if you say you don't want to go through with the process, Gerolt calls you out for being a wimp and he forges your relic anyway.
  • During the 2014 fanfest, when the developers were talking about how the Company of Heroes fought Leviathan in the past, they said that the group who fought the primal would "dodge the AOE lines and regrouping after the attack missed", which makes the fight sound more funny than epic. Later on in the convention, a fan asked Yoshida if there were (at the time) plans to make Stoneskin an AOE spell instead of single target due to how annoying it was to cast the spell on one person at a time. Yoshida responded by pretending to hold a controller with an exasperated look on his face, shouting "next!", and repeats a few more times as he made the situation funny and understood everyone's frustration.
  • Using a DPS' Limit Break is awesome when it connects. Emphasis on "connects". When fighting a primal, they usually leave the screen for a brief moment when they unleash their ultimate attack (or if they use some other ability where they leave the screen for a moment), which means you can't hit them. It's entirely possible to use a limit break on a primal and completely miss just because your timing was slightly off. This becomes doubly hilarious when the user uses a custom macro that has a Calling Your Attacks motif when they use a limit break.
  • In the hard mode of Wanderer's Palace, you're tasked to save a group of Tonberries that are being held captive and tortured by a gang of Mamool Ja. When you beat the gang's leader, your character does their usual Victory Pose, only for the music to stop halfway as the Tonberries swarm the defeated boss and stab him to death. Your character winces at the sight and the victory music picks up again.
  • 2.5 introduces the finale of the Hidlibrand quest line and it doesn't fail to deliver on the laughs:
    • Hildibrand's mother shows up after the phantom thief shows up. Just when the thief prepares to attack, Hildy's mother knocks the thief out with a frying pan. Shortly after, Gilgamesh appears and prepares to fight the Warrior of Light, only for Hildy's mom to hit Gilgamesh with her frying pan so hard that he flies into a wall. Even Godbert is scared out of his wits of her when she's angry. After witnessing her knocking Godbert stupid and Gilgamesh into the wall even the player character, who at this point has made a career out of slaying gods as far up as Bahamut himself, followers her orders to the letter without any complaint or hesitation.
      • The real kicker is that, when nodding your head as quickly as you can, your neck makes a sound that can only be described as "tennis shoes quickly squeaking on a basket court". Not to mention that certain character models (such as Highlanders) don't nod their heads completely - it looks more like your head is spasming up and down erratically.
    • When Briardien learns that Hildibrand built up an immunity to being zombified, the inspector gives up trying to find any sort of logic in the whole scenario and decides to just roll with it.
    • Hildibrand finally recovers the genuine Treaty Blade], only to find himself being rocketed towards the sky.
  • Although it comes during a very tragic scene in which you are currently being accused as the murderer of Nanamo, there is something just unbelievably amusing about the various smug, amused, and shocked faces that he makes while snarking either at the Scions, or at Raubahn. Just take a look at some examples!
  • This one doubles as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Where did Gerolt find the one-of-a-kind book that revealed the final steps required to complete the Warrior of Light's Zodaic weapon? While going through the other Zodiac Braves-relevant tomes that Rowena had! How in the seven hells did he convince her to part with it without resorting to a king's ransom in gil? He threatened to marry her. Again. As in he has used that tactic multiple times and it's worked. And in the middle of Gerolt's argument with Jalzahn over who gets to take credit for the weapon Rowena shows up at the shack wearing a suspiciously white outfit, only to see the argument taking place. Once the Warrior of Light notices she smiles wordlessly at them and leaves.
  • Good King Moogle Mog XII's battle theme, while ominous and generally creepy, gets rather amusing when hearing all the ominous chanters suddenly shout "Kupo!"
  • When the moogles come to warn Gridania about the summoned king, despite knowing that the Primal King is a threat to everything including themselves, Good King Moogle Mog XII's reputation is so ingrained in them that the moogles sing his praise in the same breath that they tell the Scions that they must kill him.
  • In the Moonfire Faire 2015 event, the dancing Mamool Ja returns, attempting to celebrate on the beach with everyone else. One of the event FAT Es is to repel him for the sake of decency. Upon succeeding, the guardsman breathes a sigh of relief... and bemoans that he'll never be able to unsee the Mamool Ja's gyrations.


  • In the quest to get some food and other items for the friendly Gnath, talking to Estinien gets you this rather humorous gem:
    Estinien: When I set out to master the dragoon's jump, 'twas not to strike fear into the hearts of high-hanging fruit.
  • After you emerge victorious from you battle against Ravana, Estinien makes fun of Alphinaud by saying how he was so worried about the player character's safety that he was pacing around and fretting like a worried maid. The man even gets a laugh thrown in, showing that he's not quite someone with a stick up his ass.
    Alphinaud: Estinien! Was that truly necessary?
    Estinien: Hahaha... Not truly necessary—but certainly true.
  • After reaching the Churning Mists, the player and their companions of the quests find Moghome, home of some moogles that reside above the clouds. Everyone agrees to enlist the moogles aid in reaching out to Hresvelgr, but of course the Chieftain of the sky moogles wishes to, "test" you in the purity and nobleness of your intentions. Yes, "tests", and most definitely not a series of common chores and tasks that they're too lazy to do. By the end, Estinien begins growling in annoyance at the obvious charade going on (and possibly voicing the player's "You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me" views at this point).
    • Alphinaud comments before finishing quests of being judged if you are "worthy or not", that if the Moogles don't deem them as such, he's going to demand compensation in Kupo nuts out of principle.
    • While Kan-E-Senna didn't seem to mind the work given to her, she was more than happy to just meet the moogles, one of her guard was absolutely floored by the fact that they had the Elder Seedseerer, the highest ranking person in Gridania, sweeping and scrubbing.
    • The kicker, is that the Chieftain then reveals in panic, that the real reason they had you do those tasks, is because they really needed time to repair a horn used to call forth Hresvelgr for a meeting, and that aside from not being properly polished, one of the moogles had sat on it.
    • Ysayle through out all of this, is busy being distracted by the cuteness and fluffyness of being so near to them and seeing moogles for the first time in her life. She starts first at wondering why the Warrior of Light is staring at her oddly, for isn't she still allowed to enjoy seeing cute things? Latter on, she ends up being embarrassed when they come back to check on her, and she's still squeeing over them only to realize the Warrior of Light is right behind her.
  • Upon meeting with the peaceful Zundu tribe of the Vanu Vanu to discover info about the importance of Azys Lla, the party finds out from their chieftain, that it is a place where much evil was committed. And that the key that all the groups seeking to gain, or prevent access to it was eaten by Bismark. Cid is forced to quip and lampshade the "Damned if you do. Damned if you don't" situation.note 
    Cid: "Could we not just leave the key to the forbidden land in the island-eating whale's belly? I mean, I can think of worse places to keep it. ...No? I thought not."
  • In searching for a way to enter Azys Lla, Y'shtola guides the party to meet her master, Matoya. Which then prompts this exchange. What sells it is Alphinaud's meek delivery.
    Matoya: The one there in the fancy duds—that'd be Louisoux's granddaughter, I take it?
    Alphinaud: ...ahem. Grandson, begging your pardons.
  • When Wedge activates the Guidance Node in Azys Lla, it asks you to agree to the terms and conditions before you can use it further. Your only choices are "Yes" and "I...suppose?" Wedge immediately becomes attached to the new device and treats it like a dog by calling it a "good girl". If you talk to Biggs afterwards, he tells you about how Wedge once sulked for a whole month because he wouldn't give him a dog when asked.
    • There's something darkly humorous about many of the nodes and the insight into Allagan morality — or lack thereof — that they provide, such as a Suppression Node sending you (a presumed civilian) out to test law enforcement mechs by picking fights with them, then deeming it an unsatisfactory result when you return alive after destroying the things.
  • After a vicious battle in the Alexander: Burden of the Father Mide and the Warrior of Light finally reach Alexander's core to deactivate it followed by Biggs and Wedge. Biggs takes one look at the size of the core and eases any tension remaining from the battle with snark.
    Biggs: So this is the heart of the machine, eh? ...I knew I should have brought a bigger hammer.
  • The first of the post 50 Heavensward quest for the Ninja job, has both mentors of the Rogues Guild, and Eorzean cell of Ninjas, Jacke and Oboro, teaming up with the player. Their goal, is to investigate a theft that involves someone with the skills of a shinobi from the Far East. Except, the person who's hiring the guild to arrest the mysterious thieves, is actually the one who stole the treasure in the first place, and can't let them live knowing this as it it's the original thief who'll suffer the guild's wrath. Said thief thinks both the Player, and Oboro, are just new members of the Rogues Guid,note  and calls forth a hired thug (wearing Level 50 armor), to kill all witnesses. All three masters at their class and job just smile and grin at each other. Curb-Stomp Battle is perhaps a bit of an understatement here to describe what occurs next to both the sellsword, and thief, who end up being face-planted with a few swift knockout punches akin to a scene from the Hildebrand quests.
  • The Dark Knight Questline is, from the moment you start it, dramatic, tense, and fittingly dark. Then you hit the level 58 Quest, which leads you to the Moggle Village in The Churning Mists. And a musical number. About the Power of Love. What really sells the hilarity is Sid's shocked and utterly uncomprehending expression as the Moggles begin to sing.