Funny / Final Fantasy XIV

Legacy/A Realm Reborn

  • There was a cutscene in which the Player Character is doing a ridiculous dance with Sisipu.
  • The opening wagon-ride into Gridania in A Realm Reborn has the player seeing some Moogles (in this universe, they can make themselves invisible to people, but your freshly-wakened Echo lets you see them regardless), who greet you with adorable horn-toots that only you can hear, and then while talking, one downs the drink of another passenger on the wagon.
  • Biggs and Wedge make an appearance when you join a Grand Company in ARR. Their comedy duo nature is enhanced even further by them being a Roegadyn and a Lalafell.
    • Later in the story: You hijack a Magitek Armor. In order to pilot it, the Lalafell is picked up by the Roegadyn, flung around 15 feet into the air, does a flip in the air, and lands in the pilot seat
  • The Scions of the Seventh Dawn (nee the Circle of Knowing) have a sort of clerk/receptionist who watches the front of their pad in Vesper Bay. She's a Lalafell... named Tataru. And she even does the "taru panic" during one particular cutscene.
  • During the weaver quests, the quest to learn to socket materia involves an aristocrat who had decided to take up gladiatorial combat. In order to "release his martial potential", he has you craft a cotton acton. However, it mustn't be any old acton like the peasants wear, it must be materia enhanced. When the guildmaster hears the request, he suggests you put in any old piece of materia, as the client likely won't be able to tell the difference.
    • After completing the request, the guildmaster informs you of an important fact about being a weaver: "While we are not required to respect our clients, we must appear to be respecting their wishes." Furthermore, he declares that you did an excellent job, since "as that little turd was sauntering out of here, I almost mistook him for a gladiator".
  • After the defeat of Ifrit, emissaries of the Three Grand Companies come to try to court the Player Character to join them, with Minfilia and Tataru both showing signs of exasperation, and even the PC has an expression at one point that just screams "You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!."
  • Trying to get info on how to fight Titan, you find a man claiming to be a member of a band of mercenaries famous for accomplishing said feat. He turns out to be lying, trying to coast on their reputation, and uses it to get you to do his job. When he's found out, his boss decides to settle the matter by having the two of you compete to see who can destroy a large boulder first. And of course, yours is three times as big as his. And he still cheats. The whole situation is just ridiculous. However that doesn't change the fact the things he does to cheat come back as actual mechanics when you actually do face Titan.
    • This is, of course, after he tasks you with killing a handful of rats. And can't remember Titan's name.
      • Even better, he thinks it's Tidus.
      • Later he comes back in Patch 2.2 claiming to have defeated Leviabeetus (read; Leviathan) in a previous encounter. He gets a Maelstrom Private going for a while before you show up and he essentially replays a scene from True Lies complete with the comment about his size.
  • Later, when you actually find one of the actual ex-members of the Band of Heroes, they want to test you, too. They've got a better reason, since challenging Titan just gives the Primal more prayer fuel, but the whole god about to attack Limsa Lominsa thing is a bit pressing. Y'shtola's reaction echoes the player's.
  • The goal of the Band's secret test of character is getting a meal read for a feast being held in the honor of a famous hero; because the meal itself was incredibly rare and dangerous to acquire. After all that trouble of hunting down exotic ingredients and drink; you eventually discover that the feast was being held in your honor the entire time. The host himself only knew that the guests were a scholar (Y'Shtola) and a hero of many deeds (You) no one bothered to tell him either Y'Sthola's or your name. When he discovers this misunderstanding he does a jump into a bow; and is practically kissing the floor begging for forgiveness for asking the guest of honor to set up their own freaking dinner.
  • Lady Lilira the Lalafel. She acts like an adorably precocious child. And complains about being 'passed around like a swaddled babe'.
    • I meant the Sultana Nanamo...
  • One of the Marauder quests. The guildmaster sends you (along with his sister, a conjurer who has already backed you up before) to clear out a nest of beasts as a sort of training exercise. You finish it easily and the conjurer wonders if that was supposed to be a challenge - then you're challenged by a mysterious band of warriors. Actually, they're the guildmaster and several other unnamed guildmates who are all wearing face-concealing helmets. The conjurer says what the player is almost certainly thinking.
    Solkwyb: What a ridiculous charade. Did he honestly think we couldn't see through those paltry disguises? [...] Oh, and as a favor to me? Pray indulge Wyrnzoen in his little deception - subterfuge is not a marauder's forte.
    • And after you report back to the guild:
    Wyrnzoen: You did well to to topple opponents of such formidable skill. But let us not dwell on the nature of those masked men. What is important is your triumph in the face of overwhelming odds.
  • The Dragon Quest X crossover storyline referenced the Dragon Quest "Puff-Puff" Running Gag as your character's 'reward' for completing it. As usual, your character is asked to close his/her eyes as they give you your 'reward'. At the end of it, you open your eyes to catch a face full of a furry/feathery creature being held by the ladies.
  • Shantotto is specifically compared to The Calamity, in terms of danger to Eorzea. Shantotto is also slightly smaller than a typical Lalafell. And then she brings out Five V... and a rhyme.
  • Hildibrand returns in usual fashion, digging himself out of his own grave, convinced he's a zombie because of his amnesia. His quest chain is silly, nonsensical, and ends in a way that might leave you flabbergasted by how crazy it is. At one point, Hildibrand makes a joyful face that stretches his model so much it's very obviously meant to push the Uncanny Valley. Hildibrand's teeth also sparkles in the light every time he smiles!
  • Gilgamesh's exit after his boss battle by attempting to fly away on a rooster leaves the player character so flabbergasted they forget to preform their victory pose with the rest of the party.
    • The fight against Gilgamesh is also beyond silly; as a nod to his character, Gilgamesh will fake defeat halfway through the first round and then says he lied, proceeding to attack one random player as he buffs himself. Gilgamesh then runs away, saying he "remembered he had something to do" while he drops a bomb behind as another ambush attack. Gilgamesh also can cause Minimum, Toad, and Confusion, which makes the fight look even sillier as shrunk down and frog transformed party members are running around trying to avoid being hit while confused party members attack each other.
      • Gets Extra silly if the confused members are casters, (And even more so if they're Arcanists/Summoners/Scholars). Ever see Summoner smack a Black Mage repeatedly in the face with a book while the also confused Black Mage smacks the Summoner with their staff?
      • The developers couldn't resist the comedy factor of someone being smacked with a book, the first two rocket punches will prioritize book-wielders over every other class if they're present.
  • Retainer Ventures can end up being Noodle Incidents. Furniture? Parts of the house?.. Crafted weapons?... Loot from raid bosses?.. WEAPONS FROM RAID BOSSES?! Even Word of God isn't exactly sure how retainers can procure such items and says it's up to the players to decide how it all happened.
  • Once Leviathan has been defeated Thancred can be seen at the counter of The Rising Stones with a bottle of alcohol in his hand spilling his guts to F'lhaminn, who he's been crushing on ever since she resurfaced in 2.1. Topics include the first time he ever saw her, how pretty she is, and how he's been pretty crazy for her ever since. She seems flattered enough but decides it's time he stops drinking.
  • Patch 2.2 gave us someone even more over the top than Hildibrand: His father, Godbert.
  • When the Yellow Jackets come to pester you upon joining the Adventurer's Guild, Baderon sticks up for you with this gem.
    "This fine, upstandin' young gent is me dear departed grandma's sister's niece's cousin's closest companion. The lad wouldn't be caught dead fraternizin' with such unsavory elements."
  • In patch 2.3, Cid's reaction to the fact that Xande seeked out the power of darkness:
  • Upon moving to the Rising Stones, a Roegadyn by the name of Hoary Boulder joins the Scions as a minor NPC, while he's only there to give some life to the Scions' HQ, nearly every time you see him between quests, he's engaged in some minor comic relief, from being beaten up by Yda to overzealously training the Doman children.
  • Patch 2.3 and Hildibrand again. Nashu brings some more of her explosives along for some reason, and leaves them on a crate of fruit, and starts to (poorly) take notes of what her boss Hildebrand is saying for the record. A series of events causes all of these to fall into place when rival inspector Briardien comes back from questioning a victim of the Phantom Thief, and leads to this.
  • Later on in the same branch of the Hildibrand quest, Briardien tasks Hildibrand (condescendingly) with creating a distraction while he attempts to keep the bride hidden. Hildibrand proceeds to wear the bride's wedding gown (provided by the player under the pretense of keeping it safe while the real bride was disguised) and proceed with the ceremony. He promptly accuses the groom of being the phantom thief in disguise since the groom had never seen his bride before, yet was able to tell at a glance that Hildibrand was not the fair maiden he was betrothed to. The kicker? The groom actually WAS the phantom thief in disguise.
  • The Main Scenario quests for 2.3 involve a bunch of tempered sylphs disguising themselves as the other Scions of the Seventh Dawn. At one point you come across Yda and what appears to be Thancred huddled in a corner, crying that he can't go on because he's afraid something will happen to his beautiful face. After you expose him as a fake, Yda says she can't believe she fell for that trick, but the sylph's act was so convincing!
  • One of the Moogle Delivery Quests involves you bringing a dance instructor to Costa Del Sol. Said instructor happens to be a Mamool Ja, not just any Mamool Ja, but the same one involved in a FATE in Outer La Noscea, who was kicked out of the hot springs there due to his "ritual bathing dance" in front of some of the female bathers. We never see his dance, but its enough to make two dancers run away screaming and a bodyguard to fall to her knees.
  • The 2014 All Saints Wake event has NPCs that changes your appearance as part of an illusion. Most of the time, you'll transform into a devil based monster. Sometimes you'll be transformed into one of the alliance leaders and you can use your emotes with them, which can lead to hilarious results such as having Raubahn doing the Manderville dance or Kan-E-Senna doing the imperial salute.
  • Patch 2.4 introduces more shenanigans from Hildibrand's quest lines with Uncle Ulty joining the fray. Every time Ultros tries to stop the player character and his/her crew from entering the tournament, it hilariously backfires on him; a crate of explosives meant to blow up Hilidbrand's friends is tossed back to him unwittingly, he falls into one of his own pitfall traps, and gets attacked by Hildibrand's father, a guy who is known to be insanely strong. Butt Monkey doesn't even begin to describe Ultros.
  • The level 10 Rogue's Guild quest. The Pirates code is taken very seriously, even if it is their own Guild leader taking another member's prized Bismark Finger Sandwich.
    V'kebbe: Ye've cloyed somethin' what belonged to me, Jacke. An' I can't ignore the code...
    Jacke: Ahahaha, aye, the code! We mustn't ignore the code! ...Yer havin' a laugh, aren't ye, lass? ...Lass? (Screen Fades to black, with some sounds of violence occuring) Aaargh!
    (A few moments latter)
    Perimu Haurimu: ...That might be the swiftest string-up I've ever seen.
    V'kebbe: A punishment to fit the crime. Take a good long look, *Player's Name*. The code exists to preserve peace in Limsa─to keep the alleys from runnin' red with blood. This city's me home, an' I'll draw daggers on any cove fool enough to threaten that peace.
    Perimu Haurimu: A pointed lesson. Let's head inside, eh? Yer sandwich'll get cold.
    Jacke: Hey! Do ye mean to leave me here all night!? At least ye gave me a grand view o' the harbor! ...Gods piss, these ropes are tight!
    • In the same quest, the shit-eating grin your character has when they steal back the corrupt merchant's stolen wares is quite possibly the most trollish they ever look.
  • In the main scenario of 2.4, there's a quest where you trail a Garlean spy with the help of Doman ninja. At one point you seem to lose track of the spy and have a discussion with the Crystal Braves second-in-command about what to do next. While this is going on, a peddler waltzes up to you and offers to sell you Eorzean Viagra. (In actuality, the peddler is a ninja in disguise with info about the spy's whereabouts).
  • Also in the main scenario, at one point you're back in Coerthas with Alphinaud, who's visibly shivering because of the cold just like he was during the Garuda arc. Immediately after, Minifillia (who usually wears a Stripperiffic outfit only slightly more revealing than Alphinaud's) walks up and defies Limited Wardrobe by wearing a very thick winter coat.
  • Once you finally gather the materials needed to create your Zodiac weapon, Jalzahn muses over what else needs to be done and suggests that the player character gather 50 more Atmas. The player character staggers at the mere thought of having to find more rare drops all over again (and possibly mirroring exactly how the player feels) until Gerolt suggest that you use the relic weapon itself as a catalyst, which brings a sigh of relief to the player character. And just to screw with the player further, once you are tasked with making your relic into materia, you're told several times that you only have a 1.4% chance of success and failure will destroy the relic. The game is actually lying, but one can't help but laugh at how the developers poked fun at the whole thing. Even if you say you don't want to go through with the process, Gerolt calls you out for being a wimp and he forges your relic anyway.
  • During the 2014 fanfest, when the developers were talking about how the Company of Heroes fought Leviathan in the past, they said that the group who fought the primal would "dodge the AOE lines and regrouping after the attack missed", which makes the fight sound more funny than epic. Later on in the convention, a fan asked Yoshida if there were (at the time) plans to make Stoneskin an AOE spell instead of single target due to how annoying it was to cast the spell on one person at a time. Yoshida responded by pretending to hold a controller with an exasperated look on his face, shouting "next!", and repeats a few more times as he made the situation funny and understood everyone's frustration.
  • Using a DPS' Limit Break is awesome when it connects. Emphasis on "connects". When fighting a primal, they usually leave the screen for a brief moment when they unleash their ultimate attack (or if they use some other ability where they leave the screen for a moment), which means you can't hit them. It's entirely possible to use a limit break on a primal and completely miss just because your timing was slightly off. This becomes doubly hilarious when the user uses a custom macro that has a Calling Your Attacks motif when they use a limit break.
  • In the hard mode of Wanderer's Palace, you're tasked to save a group of Tonberries that are being held captive and tortured by a gang of Mamool Ja. When you beat the gang's leader, your character does their usual Victory Pose, only for the music to stop halfway as the Tonberries swarm the defeated boss and stab him to death. Your character winces at the sight and the victory music picks up again.
  • 2.5 introduces the finale of the Hidlibrand quest line and it doesn't fail to deliver on the laughs:
    • Hildibrand's mother shows up after the phantom thief shows up. Just when the thief prepares to attack, Hildy's mother knocks the thief out with a frying pan. Shortly after, Gilgamesh appears and prepares to fight the Warrior of Light, only for Hildy's mom to hit Gilgamesh with her frying pan so hard that he flies into a wall. Even Godbert is scared out of his wits of her when she's angry. After witnessing her knocking Godbert stupid and Gilgamesh into the wall even the player character, who at this point has made a career out of slaying gods as far up as Bahamut himself, followers her orders to the letter without any complaint or hesitation.
      • The real kicker is that, when nodding your head as quickly as you can, your neck makes a sound that can only be described as "tennis shoes quickly squeaking on a basket court". Not to mention that certain character models (such as Highlanders) don't nod their heads completely - it looks more like your head is spasming up and down erratically.
    • When Briardien learns that Hildibrand built up an immunity to being zombified, the inspector gives up trying to find any sort of logic in the whole scenario and decides to just roll with it.
    • Hildibrand finally recovers the genuine Treaty Blade...only to find himself being rocketed towards the sky.
  • Although it comes during a very tragic scene in which you are currently being accused as the murderer of Nanamo, there is something just unbelievably amusing about the various smug, amused, and shocked faces that Teledji Adeledji makes while snarking at the Scions and at Raubahn. Just take a look at some examples!
  • This one doubles as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Where did Gerolt find the one-of-a-kind book that revealed the final steps required to complete the Warrior of Light's Zodaic weapon? While going through the other Zodiac Braves-relevant tomes that Rowena had! How in the seven hells did he convince her to part with it without resorting to a king's ransom in gil? He threatened to marry her. Again. As in he has used that tactic multiple times and it's worked. And in the middle of Gerolt's argument with Jalzahn over who gets to take credit for the weapon, Rowena shows up at the shack wearing a suspiciously white outfit, only to see the argument taking place. Once the Warrior of Light notices, she smiles wordlessly at them and leaves.
  • Good King Moogle Mog XII's battle theme, while ominous and generally creepy, gets rather amusing when hearing all the ominous chanters suddenly shout "Kupo!"
  • When the moogles come to warn Gridania about the summoned king, despite knowing that the Primal King is a threat to everything including themselves, Good King Moogle Mog XII's reputation is so ingrained in them that the moogles sing his praise in the same breath that they tell the Scions that they must kill him.
  • In the Moonfire Faire 2015 event, the dancing Mamool Ja returns, attempting to celebrate on the beach with everyone else. One of the event FAT Es is to repel him for the sake of decency. Upon succeeding, the guardsman breathes a sigh of relief... and bemoans that he'll never be able to unsee the Mamool Ja's gyrations.
  • The 2015 Rising Event got more than a few laughs from some players when they approached Naoki Yoshida's office in the 18th Floor. Why? The doorway has the same purple flame effect that boss arenas have in dungeons/raids.
  • During the level 20 quest of the Thaumaterge quest chain, your teacher for this portion, Cocobezi, discusses avoiding fights you can't win directly. In this case, the reference is to merchants angry because the Coco siblings drank all the ether you secured in the last quest. He then asks you go to garner sympathy from the merchants.
    Cocobezi: Thus, I pass on to you the secret of my last and most potent defense: Shameless weeping. I'm not speaking of a few tears here─I want you to stride right up to these tyrannical traders and cry your eyes out.
  • In the level 15 Gladiator quest, you and Aldis are discussing something in the Quicksand, only to be interrupted by a band of mercenaries coming for Aldis's head. The rest of the patrons flee the establishment, but Momodi just shakes her head as if to say "Not this shit again" and ducks behind the counter.
  • In the second half of the level 15 Archer quest, the player's tasked with sneaking around a set of Ixal, picking them off as they proceed. It's suggested at the start that the PC not waste too much time on the minions, and indeed most can be avoided. Then, as the player approaches the boss of the area, an NPC named Miraudont the Madder just dives in out of nowhere, aggro'ing half the battlefield and turning what would have been an easy pull into a gigantic mess.
  • The 2016 Rising event retells the story of the Calamity in the form of a puppet/minion show with the player character as the lead actor. Just like the play in Final Fantasy VII, you can choose to screw up your direction and the results are hilarious:
    • If you don't say what came out of Dalamud, a fat cat pops out instead of Bahamut.
    Narrator: They fought on until flagging and weary. The moon of Dalamud waxed ever fuller, at last bursting open to reveal the terrifying truth of what slumbered inside.It enormous cat!? As round as the red moon and nigh as large, it fell to the ground, the impact of its landing knocked soldiers on both sides to the ground! And then, uh... Their hearts having been melted by the sight of such a cuddly creature, Garleans and Eorzeans alike lost the will to fight! They cast down their weapons, and embraced each other as brother and sister, returning home without further bloodshed! The gargantuan feline, moved by this display of camaraderie, purred with joy! Why, it's purring right now! Can you hear that? It's the sound of...the sound of peace.
    • When asked whose voice the Warrior of Light heard when Bahamut breaks free, choosing the minstrel option has the Wandering Minstrel appear on stage and, in character, gives the Warrior of Light the hope to fight on and give him enough strength to defeat the primal by himself! Doubles as a heartwarming moment since the Wandering Minstrel thanks you for remembering him and giving him a chance to play on stage.
    • If you act like you don't know whose voice you heard when Bahamut is freed, the troupe's carpenter wanders on stage and completely kills the immersion by trying to make sure Bahamut's fireworks effect has the right oomph.
    Narrator: But just as the sun was to set on Eorzea's fate, a voice called out, saving our brave champions from certain doom!
    Crystal Caravan Leader: The voice which called out for our hero was...our carpenter!? What in the seven hells are you doing!?
    Crystal Caravan Carpenter: Apologies, Chief, but the fireworks ain't...uh, firin' the way they should. I take pride in my craft, ye see. I just can't let such a thing stand without at least an honest attempt at fixin' it.
    Crystal Caravan Leader: And this is your idea of fixing things!? Barging onto the stage like a goobbue run amok!?
    Crystal Caravan Carpenter: *the fireworks go off in his face, knocking him to the floor* By the gods!
    Crystal Caravan Leader: Would you look at that, everyone? Impeccable craftsmanship! So impeccable that the realm was saved! And with that, today's show shall come to a close. Thank you, thank you one and all!
    • When Louisox appears and fails to defeat Bahamut, saying that Bahamut was defeated in one fell swoop, the narrator states that the Warrior of Light thought the primal went down too easily until this happens:
    Narrator: Hearkening to his plea, They imbued the Warrior of Light with Their divine strength. Once more, our hero rose, and stood unflinching against Bahamut! Louisoix's incantation revitalized the Warrior of Light, and with a newfound tenacity he fixed his smoldering gaze upon the dragon...And in a flash Bahamut was defeated! The Warrior of Light was...surprised his foe was felled so easily...
    Bahamut reappears.
    Bestial Male Voice: You shall rue the day you stood against me, foolish mortals! Tremble before me─Bahamut Omega! Tremble, and despair, for I am not the only dragon you must contend with! With my savage roar, I summon Bahamut Alpha, and Bahamut Beta, and Bahamut─
    Crystal Caravan Leader: No, no, no! We don't have all the puppets for─I mean... And so he spoke, on and on, until Bahamut named all of his kin. In fact, some say he is still talking to this day...
    • Another possible ending has Louisox whisking the Warrior of Light away to safety while he deals with Bahamut himself. What makes this doubly funny is, despite the goofy music in the background implying that it's not the true ending, this ending is actually canonical in the game's main story!


  • In the quest to get some food and other items for the friendly Gnath, talking to Estinien gets you this rather humorous gem:
    Estinien: When I set out to master the dragoon's jump, 'twas not to strike fear into the hearts of high-hanging fruit.
  • After you emerge victorious from you battle against Ravana, Estinien makes fun of Alphinaud by saying how he was so worried about the player character's safety that he was pacing around and fretting like a worried maid. The man even gets a laugh thrown in, showing that he's not quite someone with a stick up his ass.
    Alphinaud: Estinien! Was that truly necessary?
    Estinien: Hahaha... Not truly necessary—but certainly true.
  • After reaching the Churning Mists, the player and their companions of the quests find Moghome, home of some moogles that reside above the clouds. Everyone agrees to enlist the moogles aid in reaching out to Hresvelgr, but of course the Chieftain of the sky moogles wishes to, "test" you in the purity and nobleness of your intentions. Yes, "tests", and most definitely not a series of common chores and tasks that they're too lazy to do. By the end, Estinien begins growling in annoyance at the obvious charade going on (and possibly voicing the player's "You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me" views at this point).
    • Alphinaud comments before finishing quests of being judged if you are "worthy or not", that if the Moogles don't deem them as such, he's going to demand compensation in Kupo nuts out of principle.
    • While Kan-E-Senna didn't seem to mind the work given to her, she was more than happy to just meet the moogles, one of her guard was absolutely floored by the fact that they had the Elder Seedseerer, the highest ranking person in Gridania, sweeping and scrubbing.
    • The kicker, is that the Chieftain then reveals in panic, that the real reason they had you do those tasks, is because they really needed time to repair a horn used to call forth Hresvelgr for a meeting, and that aside from not being properly polished, one of the moogles had sat on it.
    • Ysayle through out all of this, is busy being distracted by the cuteness and fluffyness of being so near to them and seeing moogles for the first time in her life. She starts first at wondering why the Warrior of Light is staring at her oddly, for isn't she still allowed to enjoy seeing cute things? Latter on, she ends up being embarrassed when they come back to check on her, and she's still squeeing over them only to realize the Warrior of Light is right behind her.
  • Upon meeting with the peaceful Zundu tribe of the Vanu Vanu to discover info about the importance of Azys Lla, the party finds out from their chieftain, that it is a place where much evil was committed. And that the key that all the groups seeking to gain, or prevent access to it was eaten by Bismark. Cid is forced to quip and lampshade the "Damned if you do. Damned if you don't" situation.note 
    Cid: "Could we not just leave the key to the forbidden land in the island-eating whale's belly? I mean, I can think of worse places to keep it. ...No? I thought not."
  • In searching for a way to enter Azys Lla, Y'shtola guides the party to meet her master, Matoya. Which then prompts this exchange. What sells it is Alphinaud's meek delivery.
    Matoya: The one there in the fancy duds—that'd be Louisoux's granddaughter, I take it?
    Alphinaud: ...ahem. Grandson, begging your pardons.
  • When Wedge activates the Guidance Node in Azys Lla, it asks you to agree to the terms and conditions before you can use it further. Your only choices are "Yes" and "I...suppose?" Wedge immediately becomes attached to the new device and treats it like a dog by calling it a "good girl". If you talk to Biggs afterwards, he tells you about how Wedge once sulked for a whole month because he wouldn't give him a dog when asked.
    • There's something darkly humorous about many of the nodes and the insight into Allagan morality — or lack thereof — that they provide, such as a Suppression Node sending you (a presumed civilian) out to test law enforcement mechs by picking fights with them, then deeming it an unsatisfactory result when you return alive after destroying the things.
  • After a vicious battle in the Alexander: Burden of the Father Mide and the Warrior of Light finally reach Alexander's core to deactivate it followed by Biggs and Wedge. Biggs takes one look at the size of the core and eases any tension remaining from the battle with snark.
    Biggs: So this is the heart of the machine, eh? ...I knew I should have brought a bigger hammer.
  • In 3.1, we're introduced to a Sharlayan Scholar, Krile. She apparently has a history with Alphinaud, having mentored him when he was 11. She begins to recite a story from his youth while wearing a huge shit-eating grin; stopped only by Alphinaud's uncharacteristically panicked reaction.
    • Krile seems full of funny moments. Such as later on, when Alphinaud hands out sketches of Thancred he drew to aid in your search for him. Y'shtola comments on their quality, to which Alphinaud remarks that it's a skill he acquired years ago for reasons he couldn't care to remember. Almost immediately after he's out of ear-shot, Krile turns to you and reveals it was to impress girls.
      • Related to Alphinaud's artistic skills, after being told Thancred's story of survival, he brings up how he shall never forget Y'shtola's similar Naked on Arrival return from the Lifestream. She is of course, somewhat cross, leaving the poor boy quite flustered. A moment later, she comments that she'd rather he didn't use his talents to draw her from memory as such.
      Alphinaud: Well, if you recall, you yourself emerged from the Lifestream as naked as your nameday. It is a scene I shall never forget-
      Y'shtola: Is it now?
      Alphinaud: Well, I was pleased to see you! I-I mean─ It was a simple statement of fact!
      • This is referenced again in the 2016 Rising event which rewards the player with the Dress-up Y'shtola minion. The description for the minion states that Alphinaud provided his sketch of Y'shtola to aid in the design for the minion's base. The description also makes it clear that he provided this despite no one asking him for it.
  • The first of the post 50 Heavensward quest for the Ninja job has both mentors of the Rogues Guild and Eorzean cell of Ninjas, Jacke and Oboro, teaming up with the player. Their goal is to investigate a theft that involves someone with the skills of a shinobi from the Far East. Except the person who's hiring the guild to arrest the mysterious thieves is actually the one who stole the treasure in the first place, and can't let them live knowing this as it it's the original thief who'll suffer the guild's wrath. Said thief thinks both the Player and Oboro are just new members of the Rogues Guid,note  and calls forth a hired thug (wearing Level 50 armor), to kill all witnesses. All three masters at their class and job just smile and grin at each other. Curb-Stomp Battle is perhaps a bit of an understatement here to describe what occurs next to both the sellsword, and thief, who end up being face-planted with a few swift knockout punches akin to a scene from the Hildebrand quests.
  • The Dark Knight Questline is, from the moment you start it, dramatic, tense, and fittingly dark. Then you hit the level 58 Quest, which leads you to the Moogle Village in The Churning Mists. And a musical number. About the Power of Love. What really sells the hilarity is Sid's shocked and utterly uncomprehending expression as the Moogles begin to sing.
  • 3.1 gives Thancred a funny scene on how he was found after the events of 2.5. Like with Y'shtola, Thancred emerged from the lifestream naked and the still image of the flashbacks showing Thancred surviving in the wilderness has a Nutkin that just happened to jump at the right angles to block Thancred's private bits. Doesn't make his survival any less badass.
  • 3.2 has the return of Hildibrand and his wacky adventures are back in full force. The side quest introduces an inquisitor named Cyr who believes Hildibrand is a heretic and he quickly wonders how he and his companions are associates with a gentlemanly zombie while also wondering if he was transported to a new realm where logic doesn't exist. When the party does find Hildibrand buried head first in the snow, Godbert prepares to wake up his son, causing the Warrior of Light, Nashu, and the zombie to slowly back away as Cyr confusedly looks at them before Godbert's suplex power throws him several yards back. Needless to say, he's basically the stand in for Briardien.
    • It's even funnier when you question what the zombie is doing walking around Coerthas in the first place. Apparently, he was looking for Dusk Vigil (a very serious dungeon unconnected with this questline) because he heard other zombies were there and he wanted to meet them... until it's revealed that the player already went through and killed them all, much to his mild disappointment. He just decides to go along with you to find Hildibrand after.
    • One of the highlights is unsaid but very obvious. When you encounter Godbert in Ishgard city he's wearing more or less a full set of winter clothes. The farther you go into Coerthas (which is explicitly said it gets colder the farther north you get) he's wearing less and less clothes, by the time you find Hildibrand he's in just an undershirt... and when that gets removed (complete with the sound and effect for changing classes), that's when the people who know what Godbert is capable of start backing up.
    • 3.3 has the Hildibrand gang trying to find a way to make Gigi into a real boy, but every attempt doesn't work. Hildibrand doesn't mind that Gigi remained a mammet and declares that he is his son, which Godbert also celebrates to. Juliyan isn't pleased that both her son and her husband are stupid enough to take a mammet in as a child, causing her to get so pissed off that her Frying Pan of Doom grows tenfold in size and she gains Glowing Eyes of Doom. Godbert and Hildibrand know far too well that staying would spell doom for them and they quickly hightail it out of the highlands while Juliyan calmly walks after them. Cyr is left shaking in his shoes in absolute terror and states that while he would like to find out whether or not Juliyan had the power of a Dark Knight or worse, he isn't going to risk his life to find out.
  • One of the late Vath quests has you aiding dragons in Aynx Trine and one of the quests has you helping dragons overcome a flea infestation that has affected several dragons. You're tasked with spraying the dragons with a chemical mixture that will kill the fleas and they express great relief once the itching stops. For all the things the dragons have faced up against, something mundane and annoying like fleas makes them look like overgrown scaly dogs.
    • One dragon even notes that many were about to resort to fire to solve the problem, as in they were going to set themselves/each other on fire.
  • In another Vath quest, you're tasked with looking for a yellow dragon named Uhm Ala since he has a package that has to be delivered. You find three yellow dragons, neither which are Uhm Ala and they all have different reactions to being mistaken for him; one thinks your eyes are failing you at such a young age, another is humbled to think you mistook him for Uhm Ala, and the third dragon takes offense because Uhm Ala wouldn't reside at the bottom of the tower like a common peasant. When you do finally find Uhm Ala, it turns out that the package for him contained a spritz bottle containing chemicals that can kill fleas. The dragon express embarrassment over how someone great as himself has to resort to secret deliveries to deal with fleas.
  • As you progress in the Vath beastmen quest, Vath Deftarm does his best to be a hero like the Warrior of Light, but his cowardice and stubbornness get in the way at times. In each of these instances, you can choose how to respond; the choices in dialogue begin innocent enough with words of encouragement, but the Warrior of Light steadily grows more annoyed at the Deftarm being childish when it comes to him trying to follow in the player's footsteps, which the dialogue choices reflect. At one point, some rocks have to be moved out of the way and the Deftarm refuses to do so because it's beneath him as an adventurer. You can outright tell him to "Go and pick up the damn rocks."
  • The introduction to the moogle beastmen quests starts off with you crafting fake Kupo Nuts to trick the moogles with so that they can cooperate with you in rebuilding the structures around Zenith. Afterwards, Mogzin asks if you will lend a hand in the task. The option for "No" is "Piss off, kupo," which a lot of players probably had chosen given the player base's negative reactions to the moogles in 3.0.
  • During the Live Letter segment regarding content in patch 3.35, one of the questions the fans asked was if they could get a savage version of the Weeping City of Mhach raid. Yoshida basically went "Wait, what!?", completely caught off guard and totally surprised at the request.
  • In one of the Moogle beastmen quests, you're tasked with finding out why a shipment from Ishgard is taking so long. You discover that a group of young dragon pups had swarmed the airship and scared off the soldiers on board (though not intentionally). The soldier asks you to find out what the dragon pups want. It turns out they are so amazed by the airship that they want one of their own and they "promise to take good care of it". The soldier is exasperated by the request and asks if he really looks like the Saint of Nymeia (Eorzea's version of Santa Claus) and wants you to make some toy airships to get the dragons to go away. The sight of dragonlings wanting airships as toys has to be seen to be believed.
  • In another Moogle beastmen quest, a Moogle wants you get one of his underlings to stop slacking off. Talking to him has him telling you to buzz off. Using the /psych emote only gets him more annoyed, which causes the game to say that "as an expert craftsman, you shouldn't stand for this" and are tasked to go slap some sense into the Moogle.
  • The Fat Moogle mount is as ridiculous as it sounds and looks. The mount is basically a chair lift with an extremely fat moogle carrying the seat and is somehow able to fly with its tiny wings supporting its overly large and round puffy body that somehow looks even fatter than a Fat Chocobo. Even the mount description says basic laws of physics should make flying impossible for a fat moogle, yet it does anyway.
  • The 2016 Moonfire Faire featured the Go Go Posing Rangers, which is totally not a ripoff some some particular series. You had to work with and train 3 rangers to stop the King Bomb from ruining the event. The expression on the player's face when the ranger's appear is one to behold.
  • The 2016 Rising event takes to poke even more fun at Alphinaud and he doesn't even appear during it. The devs continue to shine a spotlight on the fact that, after seeing Y'shtola come out of the lifestream naked, he has what seems to be perpetual foot-in-mouth syndrome around her. It also pokes at how he'd draw girls back in his younger days to impress them. It's pretty clear that the poor boy has the hots for her something fierce. All of this packed into the description of the Dress-Up Y'shtola minion earned from the end of the event.
    "This clockwork automaton has been crafted at the behest of the Adventurers' Guild in celebration of the Rising, Eorzea's annual celebration of rebirth. Alphinaud Leveilleur was apparently more than happy to submit a rough sketch for the design, despite never being asked."
  • Patch 3.4: Soul Surrender continues the wonderful fount of comedy that is anecdotes of Alphinaud's youth. Upon being furnished with a fancy new outfit courtesy of Tataru, Alisaie and Alphinaud reminisce about how their previously identical outfits were a long-standing (and in their eyes very annoying) habit of their parents. Alisaie continues on, recalling an occasion once at school where a girlfriend of Alphinaud's came up behind her and whispered something to her. Alphinaud is quick to cut her off with his usual embarrassed flourish insisting that they not discuss it in front of the Warrior of Light.
  • The added chapter for Further Hildebrand Adventures has Gigi being kidnapped by three very aged adventurers. As the trio make a VERY slow retreat with the captive Gigi, Hildebrand considers pursuit hopeless and vows to rescue the captured Mammet. All of this causes Cyr's face to twitch uncontrollably in response before pointing out that they're escaping at an Adamantoise's pace.
    • When the player must steal the armor from the elderly dragoon. After having him fall asleep and taking the armor, the game is very quick to ask What the Hell, Hero? for leaving an old man asleep in the bitter cold in an area infested with Sun Bears and Morbols.
    • The reason why you must steal his armor? Hildibrand believes the best way to deceive them, is for him to wear it and pretend to be him. He proceeds to do so...whilst acting exactly as normal, poses and all. Cyr's reaction is priceless.
    Cyr: Oh, bollocks...
    Then it works.
    Cyr: Okay, no - that's bollocks.
  • The dungeon Great Gubal Library (Hard Mode), like its normal predecessor, features a number of readable books scattered through the level. These include a book of romantic poetry by a Lominsan Roegadyn addressed to Brayflox, and a transcript of a meeting of Amdapori White Mages. The topic of discussion being how the naming scheme for cure spells is ridiculous and a numbering system would be much easier.note 
  • Although it comes in the middle of an otherwise tragic moment, Alphinaud's method of distracting a summoned Titan is to shoot his carbuncle out of his book like a projectile and have it cling onto Titan's face, causing him to flail around while you and the others make your escape, the sight of this twelve foot Golem being mauled and slowed down by a carbuncle the size of a person's arm looks ridiculous.
  • There's nothing inherently funny about the new Wondrous Tails quests, however the implication that every single one of your Wondrous Tails, being told by one little Miqo'te child to another, involve incredible levels of violence and bloodshed, leads to some rather disturbing thoughts about Khloe's real intentions.
  • Meta-Example: The Devs have to use placeholders for certain things they haven't done, but still need to be able to test the actual dungeon... so what do they use for the imp that gives the camera a fly-by in the opening of Library Hardmode? Godbert of course!
  • From the Q&A session at the 2016 Las Vegas Fanfest, Yoshida is asked where the Dragoons were during Nidhogg's assault on the Steps of Faith. His response... They all jumped. They're probably still up in the air somewhere.
    • During the same session, one of the questions asked was why the "dueling circle" added in 3.4 is actually a square. Yoshida decided that he wanted to know the answer too. What sends it over the top is the person sitting right next him acting as Yoshida's interpreter, who's none other than Michael Christopher Koji Fox. As in the very man in charge of English Localization and Lore.
    Yoshida: "Why?"
    Koji Fox: *facepalms in embarrassment* "That's a great question."
  • In the Stormblood teaser trailer, as the female Monk finishes her kata, she takes a quick peek over her shoulder at the male Monk, as if to check "Is he paying attention?". When she sees he isn't, she comes up behind him with a huge kick and an equally huge grin on her face. The male Monk blocks it, pushes her back, and gets into a spar, eventually getting a matching grin on his face, giving the impression that that exact sequence has happened before, he's not surprised or upset this time, and in all likelihood it'll happen again. He's accepted it's just something she does.
  • The 2017 Heavensturn event has Tori Bugyo frustrated at Eorzea being indifferent to the celebration of the new year from his culture. What does he do to gain interest? Wearing a helmet with a chocobo on it to celebrate the year of the "cock". He then goes on to say how Eorzea is home to some of the biggest cocks, then asks people if they want to see or even touch his yellow cock. The reactions he got in game, according to him, were predictable.
  • In the finale of the Further Hildebrand Adventures Questline, the Grand Sers reenacting the Knights of the Round summon animation from Final Fantasy VII.
  • In 3.5, you're tasked with making a new soulstone for your anima relic. The processing node can't perform the task unless it gets an upgrade to Version 10 and the user agreeing to the terms and conditions.
    Processing Node: <beep> Unable to initiate protocol. Version 10 of the operating system is required to proceed. Do you wish to upgrade?
    Ardashir: Upgrade...? I am not sure I want to─
    Processing Node: Upgrade requested. Do you agree to the Terms and Conditions of Use as stipulated by the Allagan Research Council?
    Ardashir: But I... <sigh> Yes, yes, I agree. Will you please just initiate the synthesis protocol?
    Processing Node: ...<beep> <beep> Update complete. Rebooting system...<beep> Initiating synthesis protocol...
  • Due to the limitations of the clothing physics, there's an unintentionally hilarious moment for female players wearing the wedding dress. The /doze emote was tweaked in a patch to allow players to change their poses while lying down on a bed with the /changepose command. For female players wearing a dress or robe, the pose of their character lying on their stomach with their legs raised up causes the dress to poof out like a tent. The more perverse and/or jokey players took advantage of this by having the short Lalafell race sit down within the dress.
  • Blansytr is The Rival to the player character in the Armorer quests. After the level 50 quest, he sees that he has to better himself in order to make armor in superior quality like the player. The guild leader asks you to check up on him after hearing he was trying to better himself in battle. You find him knelt over in exhaustion and getting aid from a group of adventurers that were passing through. Why was Blansytr so haggard? He made himself a suit of armor that offered no flexibility and he got his ass kicked by a rat, which are the same low leveled rats you see in Lower La Noscea for new players to fight.


  • There's some hidden gems within the interface itself. When adjusting the chat settings, the preview window shows how the chat looks on specific channels. The preview window for tells makes Cloud look like a pervert.
    Cloud: Nice shirt.
    Tifa: Eyes up here, Cloud.