Funny / Final Fantasy XIV

Legacy/A Realm Reborn

  • There was a cutscene in Legacy in which the Player Character did a ridiculous dance with Sisipu.
  • The opening wagon-ride into Gridania in A Realm Reborn has the player seeing some Moogles (in this universe, they can make themselves invisible to people, but your freshly-wakened Echo lets you see them regardless), who greet you with adorable horn-toots that only you can hear, and then while talking, one downs the drink of another passenger on the wagon.
  • Biggs and Wedge make an appearance when you join a Grand Company in ARR. Their comedy duo nature is enhanced even further by them being a Roegadyn and a Lalafell.
    • Later in the story: You hijack a Magitek Armor. In order to pilot it, the Lalafell is picked up by the Roegadyn, flung around 15 feet into the air, does a flip in the air, and lands in the pilot seat
  • The Scions of the Seventh Dawn (nee the Circle of Knowing) have a sort of clerk/receptionist who watches the front of their pad in Vesper Bay. She's a Lalafell... named Tataru. And she even does the "taru panic" during one particular cutscene.
  • During the weaver quests, the quest to learn to socket materia involves an aristocrat who had decided to take up gladiatorial combat. In order to "release his martial potential", he has you craft a cotton acton. However, it mustn't be any old acton like the peasants wear, it must be materia enhanced. When the guildmaster hears the request, he suggests you put in any old piece of materia, as the client likely won't be able to tell the difference.
    • After completing the request, the guildmaster informs you of an important fact about being a weaver: "While we are not required to respect our clients, we must appear to be respecting their wishes." Furthermore, he declares that you did an excellent job, since "as that little turd was sauntering out of here, I almost mistook him for a gladiator".
  • After the defeat of Ifrit, emissaries of the Three Grand Companies come to try to court the Player Character to join them, with Minfilia and Tataru both showing signs of exasperation, and even the PC has an expression at one point that just screams "You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!."
  • Trying to get info on how to fight Titan, you find a man claiming to be a member of a band of mercenaries famous for accomplishing said feat. He turns out to be lying, trying to coast on their reputation, and uses it to get you to do his job. When he's found out, his boss decides to settle the matter by having the two of you compete to see who can destroy a large boulder first. And of course, yours is three times as big as his. And he still cheats. The whole situation is just ridiculous. However that doesn't change the fact the things he does to cheat come back as actual mechanics when you actually do face Titan.
    • This is, of course, after he tasks you with killing a handful of rats. And can't remember Titan's name.
      • Even better, he thinks it's Tidus.
      • Later he comes back in Patch 2.2 claiming to have defeated Leviabeetus (read; Leviathan) in a previous encounter. He gets a Maelstrom Private going for a while before you show up and he essentially replays a scene from True Lies complete with the comment about his size.
  • Later, when you actually find one of the actual ex-members of the Band of Heroes, they want to test you, too. They've got a better reason, since challenging Titan just gives the Primal more prayer fuel, but the whole god about to attack Limsa Lominsa thing is a bit pressing. Y'shtola's reaction echoes the player's.
  • The goal of the Band's secret test of character is getting a meal read for a feast being held in the honor of a famous hero; because the meal itself was incredibly rare and dangerous to acquire. After all that trouble of hunting down exotic ingredients and drink; you eventually discover that the feast was being held in your honor the entire time. The host himself only knew that the guests were a scholar (Y'Shtola) and a hero of many deeds (You) no one bothered to tell him either Y'Sthola's or your name. When he discovers this misunderstanding he does a jump into a bow; and is practically kissing the floor begging for forgiveness for asking the guest of honor to set up their own freaking dinner.
  • Lady Lilira the Lalafel. She acts like an adorably precocious child. And complains about being 'passed around like a swaddled babe'.
    • I meant the Sultana Nanamo...
  • One of the Marauder quests. The guildmaster sends you (along with his sister, a conjurer who has already backed you up before) to clear out a nest of beasts as a sort of training exercise. You finish it easily and the conjurer wonders if that was supposed to be a challenge - then you're challenged by a mysterious band of warriors. Actually, they're the guildmaster and several other unnamed guildmates who are all wearing face-concealing helmets. The conjurer says what the player is almost certainly thinking.
    Solkwyb: What a ridiculous charade. Did he honestly think we couldn't see through those paltry disguises? [...] Oh, and as a favor to me? Pray indulge Wyrnzoen in his little deception - subterfuge is not a marauder's forte.
    • And after you report back to the guild:
    Wyrnzoen: You did well to to topple opponents of such formidable skill. But let us not dwell on the nature of those masked men. What is important is your triumph in the face of overwhelming odds.
  • The Dragon Quest X crossover storyline referenced the Dragon Quest "Puff-Puff" Running Gag as your character's 'reward' for completing it. As usual, your character is asked to close their eyes as they give you your 'reward'. At the end of it, you open your eyes to catch a face full of a furry/feathery creature being held by the ladies.
  • Shantotto is specifically compared to The Calamity, in terms of danger to Eorzea. Shantotto is also slightly smaller than a typical Lalafell. And then she brings out Five V... and a rhyme.
  • Hildibrand returns in usual fashion, digging himself out of his own grave, convinced he's a zombie because of his amnesia. His quest chain is silly, nonsensical, and ends in a way that might leave you flabbergasted by how crazy it is. At one point, Hildibrand makes a joyful face that stretches his model so much it's very obviously meant to push the Uncanny Valley. Hildibrand's teeth also sparkles in the light every time he smiles!
  • Gilgamesh's exit after his boss battle by attempting to fly away on a rooster leaves the player character so flabbergasted they forget to preform their victory pose with the rest of the party.
    • The fight against Gilgamesh is also beyond silly; as a nod to his character, Gilgamesh will fake defeat halfway through the first round and then says he lied, proceeding to attack one random player as he buffs himself. Gilgamesh then runs away, saying he "remembered he had something to do" while he drops a bomb behind as another ambush attack. Gilgamesh also can cause Minimum, Toad, and Confusion, which makes the fight look even sillier as shrunk down and frog transformed party members are running around trying to avoid being hit while confused party members attack each other.
      • Gets Extra silly if the confused members are casters, (And even more so if they're Arcanists/Summoners/Scholars). Ever see Summoner smack a Black Mage repeatedly in the face with a book while the also confused Black Mage smacks the Summoner with their staff?
      • The developers couldn't resist the comedy factor of someone being smacked with a book, the first two rocket punches will prioritize book-wielders over every other class if they're present.
  • Retainer Ventures can end up being Noodle Incidents. Furniture? Parts of the house?.. Crafted weapons?... Loot from raid bosses?.. WEAPONS FROM RAID BOSSES?! Even Word of God isn't exactly sure how retainers can procure such items and says it's up to the players to decide how it all happened.
  • Once Leviathan has been defeated Thancred can be seen at the counter of The Rising Stones with a bottle of alcohol in his hand spilling his guts to F'lhaminn, who he's been crushing on ever since she resurfaced in 2.1. Topics include the first time he ever saw her, how pretty she is, and how he's been pretty crazy for her ever since. She seems flattered enough but decides it's time he stops drinking.
  • Patch 2.2 gave us someone even more over the top than Hildibrand: His father, Godbert.
  • When the Yellow Jackets come to pester you upon joining the Adventurer's Guild, Baderon sticks up for you with this gem.
    "This fine, upstandin' young gent is me dear departed grandma's sister's niece's cousin's closest companion. The lad wouldn't be caught dead fraternizin' with such unsavory elements."
  • In patch 2.3, Cid's reaction to the fact that Xande seeked out the power of darkness:
  • Upon moving to the Rising Stones, a Roegadyn by the name of Hoary Boulder joins the Scions as a minor NPC, while he's only there to give some life to the Scions' HQ, nearly every time you see him between quests, he's engaged in some minor comic relief, from being beaten up by Yda to overzealously training the Doman children.
  • Patch 2.3 and Hildibrand again. Nashu brings some more of her explosives along for some reason, and leaves them on a crate of fruit, and starts to (poorly) take notes of what her boss Hildebrand is saying for the record. A series of events causes all of these to fall into place when rival inspector Briardien comes back from questioning a victim of the Phantom Thief, and leads to this.
  • Later on in the same branch of the Hildibrand quest, Briardien tasks Hildibrand (condescendingly) with creating a distraction while he attempts to keep the bride hidden. Hildibrand proceeds to wear the bride's wedding gown (provided by the player under the pretense of keeping it safe while the real bride was disguised) and proceed with the ceremony. He promptly accuses the groom of being the phantom thief in disguise since the groom had never seen his bride before, yet was able to tell at a glance that Hildibrand was not the fair maiden he was betrothed to. The kicker? The groom actually WAS the phantom thief in disguise.
  • The Main Scenario quests for 2.3 involve a bunch of tempered sylphs disguising themselves as the other Scions of the Seventh Dawn. At one point you come across Yda and what appears to be Thancred huddled in a corner, crying that he can't go on because he's afraid something will happen to his beautiful face. After you expose him as a fake, Yda says she can't believe she fell for that trick, but the sylph's act was so convincing!
  • One of the Moogle Delivery Quests involves you bringing a dance instructor to Costa Del Sol. Said instructor happens to be a Mamool Ja, not just any Mamool Ja, but the same one involved in a FATE in Outer La Noscea, who was kicked out of the hot springs there due to his "ritual bathing dance" in front of some of the female bathers. We never see his dance, but its enough to make two dancers run away screaming and a bodyguard to fall to her knees.
  • The 2014 All Saints Wake event has NPCs that changes your appearance as part of an illusion. Most of the time, you'll transform into a devil based monster. Sometimes you'll be transformed into one of the alliance leaders and you can use your emotes with them, which can lead to hilarious results such as having Raubahn doing the Manderville dance or Kan-E-Senna doing the imperial salute.
  • Patch 2.4 introduces more shenanigans from Hildibrand's quest lines with Uncle Ulty joining the fray. Every time Ultros tries to stop the player character and their crew from entering the tournament, it hilariously backfires on him; a crate of explosives meant to blow up Hilidbrand's friends is tossed back to him unwittingly, he falls into one of his own pitfall traps, and gets attacked by Hildibrand's father, a guy who is known to be insanely strong. Butt-Monkey doesn't even begin to describe Ultros.
  • The Level 25 Arcanist Guild quest. You try to help the depressed seer by asking the disappeared guildmaster for help. Said guildmaster has left some obscure tracks that you follow to find him. Said tracks involve dancing in front of a box. Then dancing for a gnome. And dancing for the seer. Even funnier is that K'lyhia instantly knows that your weird behaviour must mean that you met the Guildmaster.
  • The level 10 Rogue's Guild quest. The Pirates code is taken very seriously, even if it is their own Guild leader taking another member's prized Bismark Finger Sandwich.
    V'kebbe: Ye've cloyed somethin' what belonged to me, Jacke. An' I can't ignore the code...
    Jacke: Ahahaha, aye, the code! We mustn't ignore the code! ...Yer havin' a laugh, aren't ye, lass? ...Lass? (Screen Fades to black, with some sounds of violence occuring) Aaargh!
    (A few moments latter)
    Perimu Haurimu: ...That might be the swiftest string-up I've ever seen.
    V'kebbe: A punishment to fit the crime. Take a good long look, *Player's Name*. The code exists to preserve peace in Limsa─to keep the alleys from runnin' red with blood. This city's me home, an' I'll draw daggers on any cove fool enough to threaten that peace.
    Perimu Haurimu: A pointed lesson. Let's head inside, eh? Yer sandwich'll get cold.
    Jacke: Hey! Do ye mean to leave me here all night!? At least ye gave me a grand view o' the harbor! ...Gods piss, these ropes are tight!
    • In the same quest, the shit-eating grin your character has when they steal back the corrupt merchant's stolen wares is quite possibly the most trollish they ever look.
  • In the main scenario of 2.4, there's a quest where you trail a Garlean spy with the help of Doman ninja. At one point you seem to lose track of the spy and have a discussion with the Crystal Braves second-in-command about what to do next. While this is going on, a peddler waltzes up to you and offers to sell you Eorzean Viagra. (In actuality, the peddler is a ninja in disguise with info about the spy's whereabouts).
  • Also in the main scenario, at one point you're back in Coerthas with Alphinaud, who's visibly shivering because of the cold just like he was during the Garuda arc. Immediately after, Minifillia (who usually wears a Stripperiffic outfit only slightly more revealing than Alphinaud's) walks up and defies Limited Wardrobe by wearing a very thick winter coat.
  • Once you finally gather the materials needed to create your Zodiac weapon, Jalzahn muses over what else needs to be done and suggests that the player character gather 50 more Atmas. The player character staggers at the mere thought of having to find more rare drops all over again (and possibly mirroring exactly how the player feels) until Gerolt suggest that you use the relic weapon itself as a catalyst, which brings a sigh of relief to the player character. And just to screw with the player further, once you are tasked with making your relic into materia, you're told several times that you only have a 1.4% chance of success and failure will destroy the relic. The game is actually lying, but one can't help but laugh at how the developers poked fun at the whole thing. Even if you say you don't want to go through with the process, Gerolt calls you out for being a wimp and he forges your relic anyway.
  • During the 2014 fanfest, when the developers were talking about how the Company of Heroes fought Leviathan in the past, they said that the group who fought the primal would "dodge the AOE lines and regrouping after the attack missed", which makes the fight sound more funny than epic. Later on in the convention, a fan asked Yoshida if there were (at the time) plans to make Stoneskin an AOE spell instead of single target due to how annoying it was to cast the spell on one person at a time. Yoshida responded by pretending to hold a controller with an exasperated look on his face, shouting "next!", and repeats a few more times as he made the situation funny and understood everyone's frustration.
  • Using a DPS' Limit Break is awesome when it connects. Emphasis on "connects". When fighting a primal, they usually leave the screen for a brief moment when they unleash their ultimate attack (or if they use some other ability where they leave the screen for a moment), which means you can't hit them. It's entirely possible to use a limit break on a primal and completely miss just because your timing was slightly off. This becomes doubly hilarious when the user uses a custom macro that has a Calling Your Attacks motif when they use a limit break.
  • In the hard mode of Wanderer's Palace, you're tasked to save a group of Tonberries that are being held captive and tortured by a gang of Mamool Ja. When you beat the gang's leader, your character does their usual Victory Pose, only for the music to stop halfway as the Tonberries swarm the defeated boss and stab him to death. Your character winces at the sight and the victory music picks up again.
  • 2.5 introduces the finale of the Hidlibrand quest line and it doesn't fail to deliver on the laughs:
    • Hildibrand's mother shows up after the phantom thief shows up. Just when the thief prepares to attack, Hildy's mother knocks the thief out with a frying pan. Shortly after, Gilgamesh appears and prepares to fight the Warrior of Light, only for Hildy's mom to hit Gilgamesh with her frying pan so hard that he flies into a wall. Even Godbert is scared out of his wits of her when she's angry. After witnessing her knocking Godbert stupid and Gilgamesh into the wall even the player character, who at this point has made a career out of slaying gods as far up as Bahamut himself, followers her orders to the letter without any complaint or hesitation.
      • The real kicker is that, when nodding your head as quickly as you can, your neck makes a sound that can only be described as "tennis shoes quickly squeaking on a basket court". Not to mention that certain character models (such as Highlanders) don't nod their heads completely - it looks more like your head is spasming up and down erratically.
    • When Briardien learns that Hildibrand built up an immunity to being zombified, the inspector gives up trying to find any sort of logic in the whole scenario and decides to just roll with it.
    • Hildibrand finally recovers the genuine Treaty Blade...only to find himself being rocketed towards the sky.
  • Although it comes during a very tragic scene in which you are currently being accused as the murderer of Nanamo, there is something just unbelievably amusing about the various smug, amused, and shocked faces that Teledji Adeledji makes while snarking at the Scions and at Raubahn. Just take a look at some examples!
  • This one doubles as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Where did Gerolt find the one-of-a-kind book that revealed the final steps required to complete the Warrior of Light's Zodaic weapon? While going through the other Zodiac Braves-relevant tomes that Rowena had! How in the seven hells did he convince her to part with it without resorting to a king's ransom in gil? He threatened to marry her. Again. As in he has used that tactic multiple times and it's worked. And in the middle of Gerolt's argument with Jalzahn over who gets to take credit for the weapon, Rowena shows up at the shack wearing a suspiciously white outfit, only to see the argument taking place. Once the Warrior of Light notices, she smiles wordlessly at them and leaves.
  • Good King Moogle Mog XII's battle theme, while ominous and generally creepy, gets rather amusing when hearing all the ominous chanters suddenly shout "Kupo!"
    • While still ominious, it stops being creepy and starts being amusing when you realize it bears a distinct resemblance to This is Halloween.
  • When the moogles come to warn Gridania about the summoned king, despite knowing that the Primal King is a threat to everything including themselves, Good King Moogle Mog XII's reputation is so ingrained in them that the moogles sing his praise in the same breath that they tell the Scions that they must kill him.
  • In the Moonfire Faire 2015 event, the dancing Mamool Ja returns, attempting to celebrate on the beach with everyone else. One of the event FAT Es is to repel him for the sake of decency. Upon succeeding, the guardsman breathes a sigh of relief... and bemoans that he'll never be able to unsee the Mamool Ja's gyrations.
  • The 2015 Rising Event got more than a few laughs from some players when they approached Naoki Yoshida's office in the 18th Floor. Why? The doorway has the same purple flame effect that boss arenas have in dungeons/raids.
  • During the level 20 quest of the Thaumaterge quest chain, your teacher for this portion, Cocobezi, discusses avoiding fights you can't win directly. In this case, the reference is to merchants angry because the Coco siblings drank all the ether you secured in the last quest. He then asks you go to garner sympathy from the merchants.
    Cocobezi: Thus, I pass on to you the secret of my last and most potent defense: Shameless weeping. I'm not speaking of a few tears here─I want you to stride right up to these tyrannical traders and cry your eyes out.
  • In the level 15 Gladiator quest, you and Aldis are discussing something in the Quicksand, only to be interrupted by a band of mercenaries coming for Aldis's head. The rest of the patrons flee the establishment, but Momodi just shakes her head as if to say "Not this shit again" and ducks behind the counter.
  • In the second half of the level 15 Archer quest, the player's tasked with sneaking around a set of Ixal, picking them off as they proceed. It's suggested at the start that the PC not waste too much time on the minions, and indeed most can be avoided. Then, as the player approaches the boss of the area, an NPC named Miraudont the Madder just dives in out of nowhere, aggro'ing half the battlefield and turning what would have been an easy pull into a gigantic mess.
  • The 2016 Rising event retells the story of the Calamity in the form of a puppet/minion show with the player character as the lead actor. Just like the play in Final Fantasy VII, you can choose to screw up your direction and the results are hilarious:
    • If you don't say what came out of Dalamud, a fat cat pops out instead of Bahamut.
    Narrator: They fought on until flagging and weary. The moon of Dalamud waxed ever fuller, at last bursting open to reveal the terrifying truth of what slumbered inside.It enormous cat!? As round as the red moon and nigh as large, it fell to the ground, the impact of its landing knocked soldiers on both sides to the ground! And then, uh... Their hearts having been melted by the sight of such a cuddly creature, Garleans and Eorzeans alike lost the will to fight! They cast down their weapons, and embraced each other as brother and sister, returning home without further bloodshed! The gargantuan feline, moved by this display of camaraderie, purred with joy! Why, it's purring right now! Can you hear that? It's the sound of...the sound of peace.
    • When asked whose voice the Warrior of Light heard when Bahamut breaks free, choosing the minstrel option has the Wandering Minstrel appear on stage and, in character, gives the Warrior of Light the hope to fight on and give him enough strength to defeat the primal by himself! Doubles as a heartwarming moment since the Wandering Minstrel thanks you for remembering him and giving him a chance to play on stage.
    • If you act like you don't know whose voice you heard when Bahamut is freed, the troupe's carpenter wanders on stage and completely kills the immersion by trying to make sure Bahamut's fireworks effect has the right oomph.
    Narrator: But just as the sun was to set on Eorzea's fate, a voice called out, saving our brave champions from certain doom!
    Crystal Caravan Leader: The voice which called out for our hero was...our carpenter!? What in the seven hells are you doing!?
    Crystal Caravan Carpenter: Apologies, Chief, but the fireworks ain't...uh, firin' the way they should. I take pride in my craft, ye see. I just can't let such a thing stand without at least an honest attempt at fixin' it.
    Crystal Caravan Leader: And this is your idea of fixing things!? Barging onto the stage like a goobbue run amok!?
    Crystal Caravan Carpenter: *the fireworks go off in his face, knocking him to the floor* By the gods!
    Crystal Caravan Leader: Would you look at that, everyone? Impeccable craftsmanship! So impeccable that the realm was saved! And with that, today's show shall come to a close. Thank you, thank you one and all!
    • When Louisox appears and fails to defeat Bahamut, saying that Bahamut was defeated in one fell swoop, the narrator states that the Warrior of Light thought the primal went down too easily until this happens:
    Narrator: Hearkening to his plea, They imbued the Warrior of Light with Their divine strength. Once more, our hero rose, and stood unflinching against Bahamut! Louisoix's incantation revitalized the Warrior of Light, and with a newfound tenacity he fixed his smoldering gaze upon the dragon...And in a flash Bahamut was defeated! The Warrior of Light was...surprised his foe was felled so easily...
    Bahamut reappears.
    Bestial Male Voice: You shall rue the day you stood against me, foolish mortals! Tremble before me─Bahamut Omega! Tremble, and despair, for I am not the only dragon you must contend with! With my savage roar, I summon Bahamut Alpha, and Bahamut Beta, and Bahamut─
    Crystal Caravan Leader: No, no, no! We don't have all the puppets for─I mean... And so he spoke, on and on, until Bahamut named all of his kin. In fact, some say he is still talking to this day...
    • Another possible ending has Louisox whisking the Warrior of Light away to safety while he deals with Bahamut himself. What makes this doubly funny is, despite the goofy music in the background implying that it's not the true ending, this ending is actually canonical in the game's main story!
  • The concept of the Post Moogle quests itself. For whatever reason the Warrior of Light decides to try their hand at the postal service. However because the Warrior of Light is famous by the time post moogle quests are unlocked; many if not all the delivery recipients are flabbergasted as to why the Warrior is making deliveries. When their talents are better suited to killing giant monsters and primals. Even better the game itself treats the quest line as a joke; each job done is accompanied by the typical level up theme. Only for the words level up to tilt and end with a question mark.


  • In the quest to get some food and other items for the friendly Gnath, talking to Estinien gets you this rather humorous gem:
    Estinien: When I set out to master the dragoon's jump, 'twas not to strike fear into the hearts of high-hanging fruit.
  • After you emerge victorious from you battle against Ravana, Estinien makes fun of Alphinaud by saying how he was so worried about the player character's safety that he was pacing around and fretting like a worried maid. The man even gets a laugh thrown in, showing that he's not quite someone with a stick up his ass.
    Alphinaud: Estinien! Was that truly necessary?
    Estinien: Hahaha... Not truly necessary—but certainly true.
  • After reaching the Churning Mists, the player and their companions of the quests find Moghome, home of some moogles that reside above the clouds. Everyone agrees to enlist the moogles aid in reaching out to Hresvelgr, but of course the Chieftain of the sky moogles wishes to, "test" you in the purity and nobleness of your intentions. Yes, "tests", and most definitely not a series of common chores and tasks that they're too lazy to do. By the end, Estinien begins growling in annoyance at the obvious charade going on (and possibly voicing the player's "You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me" views at this point).
    • Alphinaud comments before finishing quests of being judged if you are "worthy or not", that if the Moogles don't deem them as such, he's going to demand compensation in Kupo nuts out of principle.
    • While Kan-E-Senna didn't seem to mind the work given to her, she was more than happy to just meet the moogles, one of her guard was absolutely floored by the fact that they had the Elder Seedseerer, the highest ranking person in Gridania, sweeping and scrubbing.
    • The kicker, is that the Chieftain then reveals in panic, that the real reason they had you do those tasks, is because they really needed time to repair a horn used to call forth Hresvelgr for a meeting, and that aside from not being properly polished, one of the moogles had sat on it.
    • Ysayle through out all of this, is busy being distracted by the cuteness and fluffyness of being so near to them and seeing moogles for the first time in her life. She starts first at wondering why the Warrior of Light is staring at her oddly, for isn't she still allowed to enjoy seeing cute things? Latter on, she ends up being embarrassed when they come back to check on her, and she's still squeeing over them only to realize the Warrior of Light is right behind her.
  • Upon meeting with the peaceful Zundu tribe of the Vanu Vanu to discover info about the importance of Azys Lla, the party finds out from their chieftain, that it is a place where much evil was committed. And that the key that all the groups seeking to gain, or prevent access to it was eaten by Bismark. Cid is forced to quip and lampshade the "Damned if you do. Damned if you don't" situation.note 
    Cid: "Could we not just leave the key to the forbidden land in the island-eating whale's belly? I mean, I can think of worse places to keep it. ...No? I thought not."
  • When you're given permission to use another pathway in Idyllshire, the goblins there need to clear the path. First you see the goblins run, turn back to see that they laid bombs there, turn back to see Alphinaud and Y'Shtola run off and force you into a hasty retreat worthy of a Hildebrand incident.
  • In searching for a way to enter Azys Lla, Y'shtola guides the party to meet her master, Matoya. Which then prompts this exchange. What sells it is Alphinaud's meek delivery.
    Matoya: ...The one there in the fancy duds—that's Louisoux's granddaughter, I take it?
    Alphinaud: ...ahem. Grandson, begging your pardons.
  • When Wedge activates the Guidance Node in Azys Lla, it asks you to agree to the terms and conditions before you can use it further. Your only choices are "Yes" and "I...suppose?" Wedge immediately becomes attached to the new device and treats it like a dog by calling it a "good girl". If you talk to Biggs afterwards, he tells you about how Wedge once sulked for a whole month because he wouldn't give him a dog when asked.
    • There's something darkly humorous about many of the nodes and the insight into Allagan morality — or lack thereof — that they provide, such as a Suppression Node sending you (a presumed civilian) out to test law enforcement mechs by picking fights with them, then deeming it an unsatisfactory result when you return alive after destroying the things.
  • After a vicious battle in the Alexander: Burden of the Father Mide and the Warrior of Light finally reach Alexander's core to deactivate it followed by Biggs and Wedge. Biggs takes one look at the size of the core and eases any tension remaining from the battle with snark.
    Biggs: So this is the heart of the machine, eh? ...I knew I should have brought a bigger hammer.
  • In 3.1, we're introduced to a Sharlayan Scholar, Krile. She apparently has a history with Alphinaud, having mentored him when he was 11. She begins to recite a story from his youth while wearing a huge shit-eating grin; stopped only by Alphinaud's uncharacteristically panicked reaction.
    • Krile seems full of funny moments. Such as later on, when Alphinaud hands out sketches of Thancred he drew to aid in your search for him. Y'shtola comments on their quality, to which Alphinaud remarks that it's a skill he acquired years ago for reasons he couldn't care to remember. Almost immediately after he's out of ear-shot, Krile turns to you and reveals it was to impress girls.
      • Related to Alphinaud's artistic skills, after being told Thancred's story of survival, he brings up how he shall never forget Y'shtola's similar Naked on Arrival return from the Lifestream. She is of course, somewhat cross, leaving the poor boy quite flustered. A moment later, she comments that she'd rather he didn't use his talents to draw her from memory as such.
      Alphinaud: Well, if you recall, you yourself emerged from the Lifestream as naked as your nameday. It is a scene I shall never forget-
      Y'shtola: Is it now?
      Alphinaud: Well, I was pleased to see you! I-I mean─ It was a simple statement of fact!
      • This is referenced again in the 2016 Rising event which rewards the player with the Dress-up Y'shtola minion. The description for the minion states that Alphinaud provided his sketch of Y'shtola to aid in the design for the minion's base. The description also makes it clear that he provided this despite no one asking him for it.
  • The first of the post 50 Heavensward quest for the Ninja job has both mentors of the Rogues Guild and Eorzean cell of Ninjas, Jacke and Oboro, teaming up with the player. Their goal is to investigate a theft that involves someone with the skills of a shinobi from the Far East. Except the person who's hiring the guild to arrest the mysterious thieves is actually the one who stole the treasure in the first place, and can't let them live knowing this as it it's the original thief who'll suffer the guild's wrath. Said thief thinks both the Player and Oboro are just new members of the Rogues Guid,note  and calls forth a hired thug (wearing Level 50 armor), to kill all witnesses. All three masters at their class and job just smile and grin at each other. Curb-Stomp Battle is perhaps a bit of an understatement here to describe what occurs next to both the sellsword, and thief, who end up being face-planted with a few swift knockout punches akin to a scene from the Hildebrand quests.
  • The Dark Knight Questline is, from the moment you start it, dramatic, tense, and fittingly dark. Then you hit the level 58 Quest, which leads you to the Moogle Village in The Churning Mists. And a musical number. About the Power of Love. What really sells the hilarity is Sid's shocked and utterly uncomprehending expression as the Moogles begin to sing.
    • During this same quest Sid finally hits his Rage Breaking Point and starts threatening to rip off the moogles' poms and shove them down their "gods damned throats". He references the incident in the level 65 quest saying there's no need for it...yet...
  • 3.1 gives Thancred a funny scene on how he was found after the events of 2.5. Like with Y'shtola, Thancred emerged from the lifestream naked and the still image of the flashbacks showing Thancred surviving in the wilderness has a Nutkin that just happened to jump at the right angles to block Thancred's private bits. Doesn't make his survival any less badass.
  • 3.2 has the return of Hildibrand and his wacky adventures are back in full force. The side quest introduces an inquisitor named Cyr who believes Hildibrand is a heretic and he quickly wonders how he and his companions are associates with a gentlemanly zombie while also wondering if he was transported to a new realm where logic doesn't exist. When the party does find Hildibrand buried head first in the snow, Godbert prepares to wake up his son, causing the Warrior of Light, Nashu, and the zombie to slowly back away as Cyr confusedly looks at them before Godbert's suplex power throws him several yards back. Needless to say, he's basically the stand in for Briardien.
    • It's even funnier when you question what the zombie is doing walking around Coerthas in the first place. Apparently, he was looking for Dusk Vigil (a very serious dungeon unconnected with this questline) because he heard other zombies were there and he wanted to meet them... until it's revealed that the player already went through and killed them all, much to his mild disappointment. He just decides to go along with you to find Hildibrand after.
    • One of the highlights is unsaid but very obvious. When you encounter Godbert in Ishgard city he's wearing more or less a full set of winter clothes. The farther you go into Coerthas (which is explicitly said it gets colder the farther north you get) he's wearing less and less clothes, by the time you find Hildibrand he's in just an undershirt... and when that gets removed (complete with the sound and effect for changing classes), that's when the people who know what Godbert is capable of start backing up.
    • 3.3 has the Hildibrand gang trying to find a way to make Gigi into a real boy, but every attempt doesn't work. Hildibrand doesn't mind that Gigi remained a mammet and declares that he is his son, which Godbert also celebrates to. Juliyan isn't pleased that both her son and her husband are stupid enough to take a mammet in as a child, causing her to get so pissed off that her Frying Pan of Doom grows tenfold in size and she gains Glowing Eyes of Doom. Godbert and Hildibrand know far too well that staying would spell doom for them and they quickly hightail it out of the highlands while Juliyan calmly walks after them. Cyr is left shaking in his shoes in absolute terror and states that while he would like to find out whether or not Juliyan had the power of a Dark Knight or worse, he isn't going to risk his life to find out.
  • One of the late Vath quests has you aiding dragons in Aynx Trine and one of the quests has you helping dragons overcome a flea infestation that has affected several dragons. You're tasked with spraying the dragons with a chemical mixture that will kill the fleas and they express great relief once the itching stops. For all the things the dragons have faced up against, something mundane and annoying like fleas makes them look like overgrown scaly dogs.
    • One dragon even notes that many were about to resort to fire to solve the problem, as in they were going to set themselves/each other on fire.
  • In another Vath quest, you're tasked with looking for a yellow dragon named Uhm Ala since he has a package that has to be delivered. You find three yellow dragons, neither which are Uhm Ala and they all have different reactions to being mistaken for him; one thinks your eyes are failing you at such a young age, another is humbled to think you mistook him for Uhm Ala, and the third dragon takes offense because Uhm Ala wouldn't reside at the bottom of the tower like a common peasant. When you do finally find Uhm Ala, it turns out that the package for him contained a spritz bottle containing chemicals that can kill fleas. The dragon express embarrassment over how someone great as himself has to resort to secret deliveries to deal with fleas.
  • As you progress in the Vath beastmen quest, Vath Deftarm does his best to be a hero like the Warrior of Light, but his cowardice and stubbornness get in the way at times. In each of these instances, you can choose how to respond; the choices in dialogue begin innocent enough with words of encouragement, but the Warrior of Light steadily grows more annoyed at the Deftarm being childish when it comes to him trying to follow in the player's footsteps, which the dialogue choices reflect. At one point, some rocks have to be moved out of the way and the Deftarm refuses to do so because it's beneath him as an adventurer. You can outright tell him to "Go and pick up the damn rocks."
  • The introduction to the moogle beastmen quests starts off with you crafting fake Kupo Nuts to trick the moogles with so that they can cooperate with you in rebuilding the structures around Zenith. Afterwards, Mogzin asks if you will lend a hand in the task. The option for "No" is "Piss off, kupo," which a lot of players probably had chosen given the player base's negative reactions to the moogles in 3.0.
  • During the Live Letter segment regarding content in patch 3.35, one of the questions the fans asked was if they could get a savage version of the Weeping City of Mhach raid. Yoshida basically went "Wait, what!?", completely caught off guard and totally surprised at the request.
  • In one of the Moogle beastmen quests, you're tasked with finding out why a shipment from Ishgard is taking so long. You discover that a group of young dragon pups had swarmed the airship and scared off the soldiers on board (though not intentionally). The soldier asks you to find out what the dragon pups want. It turns out they are so amazed by the airship that they want one of their own and they "promise to take good care of it". The soldier is exasperated by the request and asks if he really looks like the Saint of Nymeia (Eorzea's version of Santa Claus) and wants you to make some toy airships to get the dragons to go away. The sight of dragonlings wanting airships as toys has to be seen to be believed.
  • In another Moogle beastmen quest, a Moogle wants you get one of his underlings to stop slacking off. Talking to him has him telling you to buzz off. Using the /psych emote only gets him more annoyed, which causes the game to say that "as an expert craftsman, you shouldn't stand for this" and are tasked to go slap some sense into the Moogle.
  • The Fat Moogle mount is as ridiculous as it sounds and looks. The mount is basically a chair lift with an extremely fat moogle carrying the seat and is somehow able to fly with its tiny wings supporting its overly large and round puffy body that somehow looks even fatter than a Fat Chocobo. Even the mount description says basic laws of physics should make flying impossible for a fat moogle, yet it does anyway.
  • The 2016 Moonfire Faire featured the Go Go Posing Rangers, which is totally not a ripoff some some particular series. You had to work with and train 3 rangers to stop the King Bomb from ruining the event. The expression on the player's face when the ranger's appear is one to behold.
  • The 2016 Rising event takes to poke even more fun at Alphinaud and he doesn't even appear during it. The devs continue to shine a spotlight on the fact that, after seeing Y'shtola come out of the lifestream naked, he has what seems to be perpetual foot-in-mouth syndrome around her. It also pokes at how he'd draw girls back in his younger days to impress them. It's pretty clear that the poor boy has the hots for her something fierce. All of this packed into the description of the Dress-Up Y'shtola minion earned from the end of the event.
    "This clockwork automaton has been crafted at the behest of the Adventurers' Guild in celebration of the Rising, Eorzea's annual celebration of rebirth. Alphinaud Leveilleur was apparently more than happy to submit a rough sketch for the design, despite never being asked."
  • Patch 3.4: Soul Surrender continues the wonderful fount of comedy that is anecdotes of Alphinaud's youth. Upon being furnished with a fancy new outfit courtesy of Tataru, Alisaie and Alphinaud reminisce about how their previously identical outfits were a long-standing (and in their eyes very annoying) habit of their parents. Alisaie continues on, recalling an occasion once at school where a girlfriend of Alphinaud's came up behind her and whispered something to her. Alphinaud is quick to cut her off with his usual embarrassed flourish insisting that they not discuss it in front of the Warrior of Light.
  • The added chapter for Further Hildebrand Adventures has Gigi being kidnapped by three very aged adventurers. As the trio make a VERY slow retreat with the captive Gigi, Hildebrand considers pursuit hopeless and vows to rescue the captured Mammet. All of this causes Cyr's face to twitch uncontrollably in response before pointing out that they're escaping at an Adamantoise's pace.
    • When the player must steal the armor from the elderly dragoon. After having him fall asleep and taking the armor, the game is very quick to ask What the Hell, Hero? for leaving an old man asleep in the bitter cold in an area infested with Sun Bears and Morbols.
    • The reason why you must steal his armor? Hildibrand believes the best way to deceive them, is for him to wear it and pretend to be him. He proceeds to do so...whilst acting exactly as normal, poses and all. Cyr's reaction is priceless.
    Cyr: Oh, bollocks...
    Then it works.
    Cyr: Okay, no - that's bollocks.
  • The dungeon Great Gubal Library (Hard Mode), like its normal predecessor, features a number of readable books scattered through the level. These include a book of romantic poetry by a Lominsan Roegadyn addressed to Brayflox, and a transcript of a meeting of Amdapori White Mages. The topic of discussion being how the naming scheme for cure spells is ridiculous and a numbering system would be much easier.note 
  • Although it comes in the middle of an otherwise tragic moment, Alphinaud's method of distracting a summoned Titan is to shoot his carbuncle out of his book like a projectile and have it cling onto Titan's face, causing him to flail around while you and the others make your escape, the sight of this twelve foot Golem being mauled and slowed down by a carbuncle the size of a person's arm looks ridiculous.
  • There's nothing inherently funny about the new Wondrous Tails quests, however the implication that every single one of your Wondrous Tails, being told by one little Miqo'te child to another, involve incredible levels of violence and bloodshed, leads to some rather disturbing thoughts about Khloe's real intentions.
  • Meta-Example: The Devs have to use placeholders for certain things they haven't done, but still need to be able to test the actual dungeon... so what do they use for the imp that gives the camera a fly-by in the opening of Library Hardmode? Godbert of course!
  • From the Q&A session at the 2016 Las Vegas Fanfest, Yoshida is asked where the Dragoons were during Nidhogg's assault on the Steps of Faith. His response... They all jumped. They're probably still up in the air somewhere.
    • During the same session, one of the questions asked was why the "dueling circle" added in 3.4 is actually a square. Yoshida decided that he wanted to know the answer too. What sends it over the top is the person sitting right next him acting as Yoshida's interpreter, who's none other than Michael Christopher Koji Fox. As in the very man in charge of English Localization and Lore.
    Yoshida: "Why?"
    Koji Fox: *facepalms in embarrassment* "That's a great question."
  • In the Stormblood teaser trailer, as the female Monk finishes her kata, she takes a quick peek over her shoulder at the male Monk, as if to check "Is he paying attention?". When she sees he isn't, she comes up behind him with a huge kick and an equally huge grin on her face. The male Monk blocks it, pushes her back, and gets into a spar, eventually getting a matching grin on his face, giving the impression that that exact sequence has happened before, he's not surprised or upset this time, and in all likelihood it'll happen again. He's accepted it's just something she does.
    • 3.5 Part 2 made it pretty clear that the female monk is Lyse the younger sister of Yda who she'd been impersonating for the last six years. It's nice to see that even after the events of 3.5 she's kept a bit of her playful streak in tact.
  • The 2017 Heavensturn event has Tori Bugyo frustrated at Eorzea being indifferent to the celebration of the new year from his culture. What does he do to gain interest? Wearing a helmet with a chocobo on it to celebrate the year of the "cock". He then goes on to say how Eorzea is home to some of the biggest cocks, then asks people if they want to see or even touch his yellow cock. The reactions he got in game, according to him, were predictable.
  • In the finale of the Further Hildebrand Adventures Questline, the Grand Sers reenacting the Knights of the Round summon animation from Final Fantasy VII.
    • It turns out that Gigi's real ability is to alter reality to what he thinks is the right state for things to be in. So a vase becomes unbroken, the Grand Sers (who have been filling his head with stories of their heroic legacy) become incredibly strong... and when subjected to it, Godbert becomes almost nude, Hildibrand's clothing becomes trashed again, and Julyan winds up with her excessively large Frying Pan of Doom and glowing, demonic red eyes.
  • In 3.5, you're tasked with making a new soulstone for your anima relic. The processing node can't perform the task unless it gets an upgrade to Version 10 and the user agreeing to the terms and conditions.
    Processing Node: <beep> Unable to initiate protocol. Version 10 of the operating system is required to proceed. Do you wish to upgrade?
    Ardashir: Upgrade...? I am not sure I want to─
    Processing Node: Upgrade requested. Do you agree to the Terms and Conditions of Use as stipulated by the Allagan Research Council?
    Ardashir: But I... <sigh> Yes, yes, I agree. Will you please just initiate the synthesis protocol?
    Processing Node: ...<beep> <beep> Update complete. Rebooting system...<beep> Initiating synthesis protocol...
  • Due to the limitations of the clothing physics, there's an unintentionally hilarious moment for female players wearing the wedding dress. The /doze emote was tweaked in a patch to allow players to change their poses while lying down on a bed with the /changepose command. For female players wearing a dress or robe, the pose of their character lying on their stomach with their legs raised up causes the dress to poof out like a tent. The more perverse and/or jokey players took advantage of this by having the short Lalafell race sit down within the dress.
  • Blansytr is The Rival to the player character in the Armorer quests. After the level 50 quest, he sees that he has to better himself in order to make armor in superior quality like the player. The guild leader asks you to check up on him after hearing he was trying to better himself in battle. You find him knelt over in exhaustion and getting aid from a group of adventurers that were passing through. Why was Blansytr so haggard? He made himself a suit of armor that offered no flexibility and he got his ass kicked by a rat, which are the same low leveled rats you see in Lower La Noscea for new players to fight.
  • In the 3.5 quest chain nearer to the end, you're fighting against a group of Garleans and they keep outnumbering you, when your "cavalry" arrives in the form of Nero's personalized suit of magitek armor. While the Garleans freak out, the Warrior of Light just looks at their new toy and gives a jarring smirk before utilizing it. For a Silent Protagonist, you can tell they're downright giddy at what they're about to do. Not only does the enemy captain freak out over it, he tries to save face by sending more troops into the fray and several clossusses. This fails spectacularly and his troops decide running away is better than dying for a lost cause, leaving him to fight the enemies by himself. He tries to order them to return, but looks so pathetic in doing so that even the Scions in the battle can't help but comment at how pathetic the man looks right now.
    Imperial Eques: "The colossi are scrap, and the Captain hits us as often as the enemy! Enough! Time for a tactical withdrawal!"
  • During the Make it Rain seasonal event in late spring 2017, there are a number of Easter Egg characters scattered around the Gold Saucer, most of them around for a quick laugh for players:
    • The Songbirds from the 2016 and 2017 Little Ladies Day events are seen performing near the Main Stage in Event Square, to cheers and applause of guests.
    • "Mother" Miounne, Baderon Tenfingers, and Momodi Modi are in the Entrance Hall taking a break from running their respective inns/adventurer's guilds, comparing the power their respective Grand Company Leader minions for Lords of Vermilion.
    • Also in the entrance hall, Emmanellain de Fortemps is trying to psych himself and Honoroit up for their experience there. Honoroit of course tries his dutiful best to rein in his lord's exuberance.
    • Tataru is by the Jumbo Cactpot board, voicing the desire of every player ever of having just one good ticket.
    • Lord Lolorito is by the Tournament Ranking Board in the Triple Triad Hall, throwing a fit about the fact that his name isn't even on the board, let alone anywhere near the top.
    • And of course, in true Running Gag fashion, on the backside of Mt. Corel, is non-other than Gentleman Inspector Hildibrand Helidor Maximillian Manderville. And in his usual state of having crashed head first into the ground and only the lower 3/4 of his body sticking out of the ground, his clothing as always half-destroyed, while ever loyal assistant Nashu pokes him to see if he's awake yet. The Fridge Logic as to how he ended up this away again makes it all the more funnier, when you realize he either attempted the GATE which happens there, involving trying to rescue a fat chocobo chick which has been captured by a bomb throwing gobbie, and failed. Or, that's where he landed after his poor choice of words to his mother, Julyan Manderville, at the end of the Heavensward portion of his questline led to him being sent flying all the way from Zenith in the Churning Mists region.
  • An Au Ra female retainer with the Independent personality is almost hilariously tsundere, unless you complete a venture without sending her on a new one right away:
    Retainer: Alright, take yer shite and quit leerin' at me arse. ...What? Ye can't seriously expect me to humor yer fetishes all the time, can ye?


  • The Level 60 WAR Quest which kicks off its new storyline begins with Curious Gorge and Broken Mountain summoning you to help them in a battle they were summoned to against none other than the, er... "Mysterious Marauders" from the old Marauder questline. Their return alone is funny. What's truly hilarious is what follows, as in the wake of the match newcomer Dorgono awakens her Inner Beast and knocks her teammates into the surrounding waters in a downright cartoonish fashion. While the Player and Broken Mountain are suitably surprised by this turn, Curious Gorge has a... slightly different reaction. She then proceeds to do the same thing to him.
    Curious Gorge: [Lovestruck as he flies through the air] "She swings like a dream~"
  • The French version of the final (lv. 70) Bard quest comes with a hilarious Shout-Out to the infamous comic {{Comic Book/Astérix}} when Nourval goes Semiautomatix and binds Guydelot with these words:
    "No, you won't sing! No, you won't sing!"
  • Upon reaching Kugane, the party is greeted by a man named Hancock. Once again your reputation precedes you, in more ways than one.
    Hancock: And you must be [Player Name]! Slayer of Gods... Rider of Dragons... Savior of Ishgard... Stealer of Pants—if some of the more puzzling rumors are to be believed.
    • The best part is, if you've done the 3.x Hildibrand quest, those rumors are 100% true.
  • You'll often find NPCs counting objects. Seemingly the same number of objects indefinitely. Out on Onokoro, one other NPC seems to know this and doesn't care for it.
    Roegadyn Confederate: You need some help? There's one box, and two casks. Now can we go?
  • In Limsa, as the Scions are readying to head to Doma, the means of transport is revealed to be handled by Captain Carvallain of the Kraken's Arms pir...I mean, "spice traders". After Alisaie taking issue with the fact that their relying on a privateer crew, Carvallain points out that this trip has incredible risk and likely no profit to be had and wonders if it will really be worth his time. Tataru takes this moment to speak up with a shit-eating grin on her face, mentioning that during her time working at the Forgotten Knight she heard the most interesting tale. That Count Durendaire's first born son was presumed lost and dead during a sailing trip, but that he still believes his son to be alive and is offering a sizable reward for any information leading to his missing son. And if this missing son is not found soon, the house is having to consider letting the younger son, one Jannequinard de Durendaire, become the head of the house. Captain Carvallain very quickly changes his tune and says he'll start readying his crew and ship to leave port.
  • When the party arrives in Kugane and meet with Hancock, he warns them that they should be behave themselves unless they wish to wind up dead like Teledji Adeleji. Everyone reacts in shock, but Alisaie just stands there stoically as if she gives no shits about Hancock's dark humor. Later on, talking to Alphinaud shows he doesn't like Hancock's attitude, which he perceives to be untrustworthy (due to his connection to Lord Lolorito) and mocking:
    Alphinaud: (One of these days, I may just punch that man in the face...)
  • During a sidequest where you play as a merchant, a customer can come up to you wearing a necklace with a red jewel in it. One of your replies can be "Is that one of the eyes of Nidhogg!?"
  • When Lyse meets Gyodo, she is surprised to see that he is what is basically a talking catfish. Moments later, she and the Warrior of Light meet their first Kojin (race of bipedal turtles) in town who offers them aid in hiding from the guards, causing Lyse to react with this:
    Lyse: First a talking fish, and now a tortoise? <sigh> What have we got to lose?
  • When Gyodo's very obvious trap that the Scion's were expecting gets sprung, and they're "ambushed" by Garlean soldiers risking the wrath of the Sekiseigumi law enforcement of Kugane just to capture them, Lyse just handles it very matter of fact and a large amount of exasperation at the whole mess.
    Lyse: <sigh> I knew it couldn't be this simple...
    Gyodo: Nothing personal, yes, yes? Just business.
    Lyse: Then business is about to take a turn for the worse...
    (Proceeds to punt Gyodo high into the air, his body backlit by the full moon, and having Blank White Eyes. The Garleans even pause to watch at how high he is sent flying. Then without even looking and completely casual fashion, Lyse catches him over her shoulder, with Circling Chocobos over Gyodo's head.)
  • Talking to Tataru after escaping from the guards has her give her take on the talking beastmen, which she claims will only get worse if bears start to talk:
    Tataru: Talking tortoise, talking catfish...I tell you, though—it's when bears start talking that you need to worry. That, my friends, spells the end of civilization as we know it!
  • While Alisaie isn't a fan of swimming, she can swim just fine. She makes fun of Alphinaud's inability to swim and asks him if she should have brought him his water floaters.
    • What really puts the icing on the mocking-his-inability-to-swim cake, though, is her voice actor's magnificent delivery of an Incredibly Lame Pun later in the main scenario quests;
    Alisaie: Somehow, the boy just isn't very buoyant.
    • A similar event happens near the end of the game where the Warrior of Light and Thancred have to swim through a long underwater tunnel to sneak into Ala Mhigo. Because you have the Kojin's blessing, drowning is a non issue for you. Thancred, who had boasted earlier that he can hold his breath for 10 minutes, complains how you have it easy with your blessing while he has to catch his breath after the long swim.
  • The Warrior of Light, through dialog choices, can come across as hilariously blunt and/or psychotic. For example, when planning to deal with a new primal the ananta have summoned they can tell a friendly ananta:
    Warrior of Light: Know that I will kill your god if I have to. Maybe even if I don't.
  • There's something hilarious at how Lakshmi's Signature Move forces the party to suddenly start dancing like a scene from a Bollywood movie.
  • After the credits, a cutscene plays setting up the Omega raid storyline, where Cid and the rest of the Garlond Ironworks team are investigating a massive rift in the Fringes, presumably caused by Omega. Cid's eager to set up shop and get to work, but Jessie reminds him of the drain on the company's finances that similar endeavors have caused, and has therefore hired a consultant: Nero tol Scaeva. Everyone's reactions are priceless.
    • It gets even better when you regroup in Rhalgr's Reach;
    Nero: "I'll have you know I'm a sensitive new recruit who thrives on encouragement."
    Cid: "Then I'll trust you thrive elsewhere when I encourage you to piss off!"
  • After the battle of Doma Castle, Lord Hien struggles to find something to speak about to his kingdom. After a long pause, The Warrior of Light can offer, "Well if you won't say anything I will.."
  • During the planning stages of the assault on Doma Castle, Alphinaud realizes that he knows very little info on how to disable the magitek field generators that divides Yanxia in half, so he has word sent to Cid to please send any manuals and schematics that would prove useful to this endeavor. We'll just let the item description speak for itself:
    Magitek Field Generator Manual: Never one to take undue risk, it would seem Cid thought it best to send Alphinaud a massive manual detailing the operation of a magitek field generator, to ensure the boy was prepared for every eventuality. Or possibly to see if he would read the entire thing or give up and whack the generator with a wrench (which works nine times out of ten anyways).
    • In addition, the item in quest was supposed to be just a no-frills errand for the Warrior of Light, in part to check up on Tataru and Hancock, pick it up and return back to Doma. Instead, the overworked delivery man gave the Ruby Bazaar a massive and heavily perfumed love letter that was meant for a member of the Sekiseigumi and is long enough to instead be considered more of a treatise on the matter. After the mistake is corrected by the Warrior of light, Tataru muses that it be just their luck for Cid to send the wrong papers as well (thankfully not), and Hancock has his own amusing reply:
    Hancock: I can only imagine what would have happened had we sent (Player) back to Doma with a parcel full of love letters. The look on Alphinaud's face when he reads the first page... On second thought, I'm a little disappointed we didn't.
  • The Savage difficulty of Omega is unlocked by speaking with a Garlond Ironworks terminal that, in order to help ease stress, plays a soothing melody (The main Final Fantasy theme) for the user to relax to. Then the terminal mentions that the piece was composed specifically for the Ironworks by a minstrel of some renown. The Warrior of Light immediately realizes that they mean The Wandering Minstrel who's music has invoked powerful re-imaginings of their fiercest battles before in the past...only for the terminal to then tell them that continued listening may cause one's imagination to run wild and rethink events of the past in a fantastical manner. The Warrior of Light can only stagger in disbelief as you're informed that Deltascape Savage has been unlocked.
  • Speaking of Deltascape Savage, there's some nerd humor in V1.0 Savage: dataminers discovered that Alte Roite's "Clamp" ability that instantly ejects victims from the arena has a knockback velocity of 7 malms per second. 7 malms the game's Fantastic Measurement System equivalent to 7 real-world miles, and 7 miles per second is escape velocity. The reasons it looks players immediately vanish upon getting hit by Clamp is because that's exactly what's happening: Alte Roite basically slams into them so hard that they literally go flying into outer space (or rather some nondescript otherverse since the fight takes place in the Interdimensional Rift, but, details).
  • The Level 70 Blacksmith Quest has a hilarious moment where Sekka confesses her love to Brithael. He can only stutter out a "Pardon me?", before slowly turning to share a glance with the girl's father standing off to the side... who then reaches for the katana she just finished making. Brithael's wide-eyed look of horror as Shinto's eyes burn red with a matching Battle Aura of Killing Intent is a thing of beauty.
  • The level 70 Dragoon quest has you and the young dragon Orn Khai racing to find Faunheim, the long-lost consort of Orn Khai's sire, only to find her feral with rage. You receive word that a group of merchants have hired a dragon hunter to slay her, and race to find her before the hunter does. Upon reaching her nesting area, you find the hunter is none other than your old comrade Estinien, who gives the following introduction, and receives the following (entirely merited) response from Orn Khai:
    Estinien: It would seem we two Azure Dragoons share one target. Though I suppose neither of us still hold that mantle - old habits do not die so easily.
  • One of the sidequests in Stormblood has you tossing live grenades at a Miqo'te for the purpose of toughening him up.
    M'Zhet Tia: Those grenades took a toll on me, but I'm feeling much better. My ribs have taken an unusual shade of purple, but I bet that means the training's working.
  • During your road to a monastery near Ala Mhigo, you have to look through some ruins for clues to where said monastery is located. One of the objects you find is a magitek device that is obviously a trap. Since you already looked everywhere else, you have to activate it anyway. Imperial soldiers arrive and Thancred chews you out for it.
    Thancred: All right, which one of you triggered the obvious trap!?
  • For most of the dungeons and trials in the game, the journal text usually tells you to gather your adventurer friends before taking off. In Stormblood, most of the dungeons and trials you go into usually require you to be alone, but the text mocks it by saying that your friends just happened to be around or had followed you to the Far East. Even Lyse lampshades it when Susano is summoned. This is however a joke exclusive to the english version, "thanks" to the localization team, the Warrior of Light being aknowledged as alone in the original and other versions.
    Alisaie: The rest of the plan, I'm afraid you can guess. I'm sorry, [Player Name], I truly am, but neither of us can even approach Susano, much less hope to defeat him. Which means you're on your own.
    Lyse: Well, who knows? He does have an awful lot of adventurer friends. Maybe some of them decided to take a fishing trip to the Far East, and are surprisingly close by...?
  • The final Dark Knight quest brings us quite possibly the finest "WTF" face in the game outside of the Hildibrand storylines. As an unexpected ally (your Enemy Within, Fray) joins the fight, Sidguru goes wide-eyed and slack-jawed, as it was probably the last person he expected to ever see again.
  • In 4.1 Eventually during the MSQ, you'll be given an Echo glimpse of Raubahn's past with Nanamo, namely the moment he won the battle that got his place on the Syndicate, featuring Nanamo running away from her various servants trying to keep her out the pit, while she snarks at them as they fall over, only for her to jump on one of the fallen and into Raubahn's hands, complete with a comical hop effect.
    • Doubles as Crowning Moment of Awesome in that this scene was originally in 1.0, and is redone near word for word here and voiced in the quest "There will be Blood"
  • The new Hildibrand questline doesn't lack for these moments. Among them are the Warrior of Light chasing off the namazu who tried to sell you to the Garleans in the main storyline with a pointed glare, Nashu being, well, Nashu, and the option to tell her she's being tailed by an obsessive Lalafell.
    Warrior of Light: A creepy little bastard who followed you to Kugane says he's been stalking you for five years.


  • There's some hidden gems within the interface itself. When adjusting the chat settings, the preview window shows how the chat looks on specific channels. The preview window for tells makes Cloud look like a pervert.
    Cloud: Nice shirt.
    Tifa: Eyes up here, Cloud.
    • In fact, the majority of chat setting previews are in this same vein, making the player out to be a borderline Mary Sue, while making Cloud look like a grade-A Butt-Monkey. For example, the "own/others' synthesis notifications":
    You synthesize a suit of diamond armor.
    Cloud Strife synthesizes a boiled egg.
    • Or "damage dealt by you/others":
    You hit the Shadow Lord for 9999 damage.
    Cloud Strife hits the little ladybug for 2 damage.
  • For those who have purchased the 2016 Fanfest stream, they received either a Rikku, Lulu, or Yuna minion (Depending on which stream you buy) and four Dreams of the Fayth. The last lines in the letter you receive with the aforementioned items?
    May they help you forget the echoes of Tidus's maniacal laughter. If that's even possible.
  • For those who pre-ordered Stormblood, they received Ala Mhigo Earrings and a wind-up red mage minion as a bonus. Once again, the last line in the letter accompanying them is pretty funny.
    • The Stormblood Collector's editions goodies include a Windup Bartz.
  • During Wrestlemania 33, Final Fantasy XIV was one of the many things sponsoring the event. What did Squeenix do to make the most of it? Oh, nothing much, just get The New Day to dress up as some of their classes proudly!