- This exchange in part 2 of "Heart of Archness"
Bucky: We hold election for king! (pronounced "erection")
Archer: That's flattering, but not really necessary.
- When Gillete and Lana are on a rented boat going to rescue Archer, Gillete is getting a manicure from a man-servant.
Gillete: Look at him! He is lithe. You know they asked if I wanted to buy him outright. But then I thought ...
Lana: You thought what, Ray? You thought that maybe because of my racial background I might just have an issue with someone owning another human being?
Gillete: Actually, I just thought I'd probably get bored with him.
- "Kuriga-san! You promised!!" A Brick Joke and near-throwaway line in the Season 2 finale, when Krieger's "virtual girlfriend" inexplicably returns. The Funny Moment is from watching "Tragical History" earlier in the season, when we learn that the virtual girlfriend was so lifelike that the state of New York allowed Krieger the right to marry "her". This plan was halted (for now) when Lana smashed Krieger's projector, so it was a big surprise to see her "return".
- A naked Cheryl, and near naked Gillete rolling into Malory's office, after a really bad experience with a urine test cheating drug.
Cheryl: -with uncharacteristic calm-
That’s our pee, and that’s the last I better hear about it, because this stupid building is a tinderbox, and I will burn it to the ground.
- "BABOU, SERPENTINE!"
- At the very end of "The Limited," after the ocelot pissed on Archer's torn and bloodied suit:
Archer: "No, Babou. That was all sarcasm."
Archer: "YES! ALL OF IT! YOU FOX-EARED ASSHOLE!
- "Lo Scandalo." The dinner party. All of it.
Lana: Especially given the circumstances leading up to his death, which were —
Archer: Eh. Potato, po-dildo.
- Malory's conversation with her building's super:
Mr. Herlihy: It's just at Christmas, the tenants usually give me a small consideration for the work all year I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am, especially this year as we've had more than the usual medical bills.
Malory: Your point being?
Mr. Herlihy: It's just that, for the third year running, you give me a potato.
(She slams the door in his face)
- The "eeeeee-legant dinner pah-ty" scene. Especially Cheryl, seeing as she actually is rich. Plus, Cyril's aside to the others once the detective's out of the room.
Cyril: I hate you all so much.
(in a posh English accent) No-one cares, Figgis; you were only invited to round out the numbers.
- Lana ends up having to play the maid (using Mallory's French Maid Outfit, which she keeps for "special occasions").
We got a tip that there'd been a murder up here. Archer:
! A murder
? Well, apart from this sullen wench murdering
good etiquette, I— Ow! (Lana nerve-pinches him) Archer:
- Definitely this exchange between Archer and Malory when he examines the chair that Mascalzoni's tied to:
Archer: And, uh, speaking of questions. (kneels down to examine the chair)
Malory: No, no, no! Don't! Don't go back there, Sterling-!
Archer: I HAVE A QUESTION, MOTHER. Why does this chair have no seat?! (kneels back down again) And what- (kneels down just to reaffirm he indeed saw what he did) - IS IN HIS 'ASS?!'
Malory sighs and downs her glass while Lana looks at her with a quirked eyebrow of "WTF."
- And when they cut back from the theme-song, the conversation continues:
Archer: Mother! What is in this man's ass?!
Malory (rather nonchalant): Oh please, don't act like you've never seen a "marital aid" before.
Archer: Not in a dead prime minister's ass!
Malory: And you don't have to keep repeating it! We've established where it is!
- Another one, when Malory talks about how, as he got older, Savio's tastes started getting more "exotic," and he started very gradually introducing his perversions into his and Malory's rendevous.
Archer (still fixated on the dildo): Well, he'd have to. I mean, the thing's huge.
Lana starts slapping Archer's forearms to get him to shut up.
Ow! Ow! Okay, I- OKAY! God, your hands
are like cricket bats!
Lana: Shut up. So, Malory, what happened? Can you walk us through the crime?
Archer: Just the crime of murder, not the crime of sodomy by rubber eggplant. (Lana slaps him again)
- The episode's Running Gag about whether or not Italy uses a king instead of a Prime Minister. For reference, the last time Italy had a king was Umberto II in 1946, so even after taking into account the show's intentionally inconsistent time period, Archer would still be dead wrong.
Malory: No...what year do you think this is?
Archer: I know, right?
- "Well, hello there, game changer."
Archer: How did you get so good at that?
Archer: I hope to god that's not relevant.
- So much from "Drift Problem"
Malory: Who taught you to drive?
Cheryl: Just this guy I know called my dead father!
(Malory starts stammering)
Cheryl: *smirking* Yeah, I'll bet you feel like a dick.
- Archer shrieking with joy when he sees his new car comes with a bar.
- Malory slaps Cheryl to get her to tell her where Archer is:
Cheryl: Ow!...you got another one in ya?
- While Krieger is giving Archer the tour of the car's features:
Krieger: ...press that red button...
Archer: Wait, is it going to kill everyone?
Krieger: [beat] ...press that blue button...
- "You killed a black astronaut! That's like killing a unicorn!"
- Barry trying to taunt Archer into coming out of the sealed spaceship to fight him in a power-loader, even going so far as to start doing a robo-dance in said power-loader.
- "Domo arigato Archer roboto!"
- This exchange from Skin Game
Krieger: "I'm not a...serial killer."
Archer: "Wait, why did you emphasize the 'serial'?"
- This other extange shortly afterwards
Archer is hugging Cyborg!Katya before noticing Krieger.
Archer: Krieger! Why do you have an erection right now ?
Krieger: (whiping a tear from his eye) I'm so happy.
- Cheryl trying to kill and prepare a chicken:
Cheryl: So is there like, special chicken shaving cream or...
Ray: First of all, that is a rooster!
Cheryl: Yeah, like Kenny Rogers Roosters.
- Pam hiding in the bathroom stall.
Lana: God damn it.
Pam: What? You should have looked under the stalls!
Lana: I did! Wait- I did.
Pam: Yeah, I usually rest my legs on the grab bars.
Malory: *bursting in* WHY is it... that every time I need to use the restroom, you people are skulking around looking guilty?
Pam: Uhhhh... *Ducks down in the stall where there is a mural of spray paint*
Malory: ...And why does it always reek of paint?!
- This was a quick one, but when Barry shows up at ISIS HQ, during the lockdown you can see that someone gang-tagged the metal exterior with spray paint. And then you realize it says "Pam."
- Cheryl proclaiming herself Queen of Mars while dressed in tubing from the space shuttle.
- "Where are you going?" "Um this place called 'to kill Barry!'"
- "Are you trying to get my mother into the Million-Mile-High Club?"
- When Burt Reynolds sees Krieger's virtual girlfriend, his deadpan delivery on "Is that a ghost?"
Cheryl: My great-grandpa was nuts for skating. That, and the Klan.