Funny / Archer Season Four

"Fugue and Riffs"

• It is a big crossover with another show. Archer suffers from amnesia, and thinks he runs a burger joint with a wife, a son, and 2 daughters, and he believes his name to be Bob. Yes, that Bob.
  KGB Agent 1: We are nut rubbers.
  "Bob": Oh my god. Okay, yes you can rub them, but just please don’t hurt my family.
  KGB Agent 2: He means we are not robbers.
• Krieger tells everyone that Archer's fragile mental state due to his amnesia means that they need to be gentle with reintroducing his real identity:
  Krieger: I have a plant! ... Plant! Plan!
• Krieger's plan involves him and Cyril pretending to be KGB agents, while Lana pretends to be on the run from them. She's briefing Bob!Archer on the 'situation':
  Lana: The first thing we need to do is search the entire spa for-
  Archer: An ice machine, got it
  Lana: -KGB agents, specifically these two [brings up dossier photos of Cyril and Krieger in the 'KGB disguises']
  Archer: [sniggering] I'm sorry, did you just say Gay-GB?
  Krieger: (through Lana's earpiece) Aww...
• Combined with Funny, but when Archer challenges Lana to a sparring match in the hotel room to show off his hand-to-hand skills, she takes him up on it...and punts him into the wall so hard it cracks the drywall on the other side where the rest of the team is. Bonus points in that all we see of it is a shot of Mallory, Ray, Krieger and Cyril being startled by a loud thud, cracking wall, and rattling paintings from the impact.
• Krieger's expertise continues to be somewhat questionable.
  Krieger: His mind-brain is permanently rejecting his real identity!
  Cyril: Mind-brain?
  Krieger: That's a thing, shut up.

"The Wind Cries Mary":

• "Lana, I will hire Kenny Loggins to come here and play an acoustic set while I slap some sense into you.."
  • Compounded later in the episode with Archer's acoustic "Danger Zone" ringtone.
• At the start , the ISIS team is being briefed by Malory, and the break room is now off-limits because ants have finally invaded ISIS.
  Malory: (VO, showing ants in the break room) A pig wouldn't be caught dead in there.
  Cheryl: Uh, yeah it would. (cue dead Pigley)
  Krieger: Aw, Pigley II.
• While Malory is discussing the Ant Problem and how Krieger promised to fix it:
  Malory: ...Mr. "I-can-solve-your-ant-problem"!
  Krieger: First of all, It's Dr. I-Can-Solve-Your-Ant-Problem... [Cut to Krieger strapped into a device while a device shoots a beam of radiation at an ant and onto Krieger while he screams and laughs maniacally] And second of all, here's your refund. [Gives Malory an envelope full of money] I really thought that would work.
  Archer: What were you going for? Ant strength relative to the size of a human?
  Krieger: ... Shut up.
  • How super-strength would solve the problem is totally unknown.
• Mallory has decided to employ some basic security for the ISIS armoury:
  Pam: This is Rodney, he's the new... whatever... gun librarian.
  • "Can we have the radio?"
• And when Archer sees Cyril's orange snow clothes on the ground
  Archer: Okay, so...really don't know what to make of that. Unless...(Looks around) Wait, no, no. Get it out of your head. Predator only hunts in tropical jungles...I assume...and desperately hope.
• Like Archer had "phrasing", Lucas Troy has "said your Mom".
• Archer is tracking Lana and Cyril through the snow, and comes across a pile of empty shell casings:
  Archer: Yeah, that's our Lana.
  [Looks around]
  Archer: Let's see, so judging from the shell ejection she was firing at... What I really hope was not an ent.
  [Resumes trekking through the forest]
  Archer: Because that is like the last thing we need. An entmoot.
  [Pulls up short, gasping]
  Archer: Oh my God what if I'm gay for Tolkien?
• The end, where, after Archer's friend and former ISIS agent Lucas Troy confessed that he did something sexual to Archer (what exactly isn't known, but Archer was passed out on Mama-Juana and it involved Al Green music and suntan oil) during their mission in the Caribbean, it cuts to a stunned and disturbed Archer, Lana, and Cyril in the car, driving in silence.

"Legs"

• Ray and Lana mocking Archer's choice of vehicle.
  Archer: The El Camino is not a car...
  Ray: Truck, whatever!
  Archer: ...nor is it a truck, it's a...
  Lana: ...vehicular hermaphrodite?
  Archer: Shut up!
• When Krieger offers to give Ray bionic legs and restore his ability to walk, Ray is reluctant at first, only to finally agree.
  Krieger: Good, the anasthetic should be kicking in soon.
  Ray: What anasthetic- *looks at the tea he's been drinking* GODDAMNIT KRIEGER!!
  • Ray is also a bit concerned that Krieger doesn't seem to know the actual anatomic names for the human bones.
• Brett manages to get shot again, only this time he wasn't even on the same floor as Archer! Archer's bullet managed to follow a complex ricochet pattern just to hit him!
• Lana and Cyril find Archer running down the hall.
  Archer: I gotta go stop him!
  Lana: Stop who?
  Archer: Whom!
  Lana: Archer!
  Archer: Krieger! He's making a gay Terminator!
  Lana: Aaaand yup. Officially confused.
  Cyril: Yeah. I mean, did he mean a Terminator of gays? Because Krieger's creepy and weird, but he's not homophobic, I don't think, so he must have meant... well, no, aren't Terminators asexual?
• Ron gets Mallory to laugh by mocking Archer (and some casual racism).
  Ron Cadillac: And call me if you ever want to test drive the new Coupe De Ville.
  Archer: Well, actually, I just got a new El Camino, so...
  Ron Cadillac: Oh, so you're all set. That'll hold way more Hispanics and lawn mowers.
  Mallory laughs
• When Rodney (the quartermaster) refuses to let Archer out of the armory safe room with a rocket launcher, we get this:
  Archer: Do you honestly want to live through the rise of the machines?! Which you wont, because no one will!
• After Archer uses it and fails to crack open the door, Cheryl is... less than impressed:
  Cheryl (through tinnitus): ...now I have permanent damage to my ear balls because you're too chicken shit to take your candy ass to the future and smash the defense grid, SO THAT SKYNET —
  • Archer then slaps her, which Rodney finds horrifying and Cheryl finds... arousing:
  Cheryl: ...got another one in ya?
  Archer: Ew. No.
  Cheryl: Tease.
  Archer: Yeah, and I still find it super creepy that you get off on physical violence.
  Cheryl: Mmmmm... but also emotional violence.

"Midnight Ron"

• Sterling's little "bonding experience" with his step-father.
  Ron: This isn't exactly 'clean money'.
  Archer: [in the same tone, with the same finger quotes] 'No shit'.
• Cheryl's gypsy woman was once again eerily accurate as to the danger Archer would face (in this case of a gang of transvestite bikers making snuff porn) and as usual Archer doesn't make the connection until after it comes true:
  Cheryl: Yeah, she said it would be like some freaky parallel universe, where John Waters directed The Road Warrior!
  • Archer attempts at following the gypsy womans advice and slow the bikers down by throwing some of Ron's money at them. It might have worked, had a gust of wind not carried all of it off in the wrong direction.
  • Archer specifically points out that the snuff porn bikers have set up a craft service table.
• The beginning of the episode where Archer is stranded in Montreal after losing all his money in the casino and idiotically burning his passport while drunk off his ass. He ends up smashing the payphone in frustration because no one at the office will help him.
  Bystander: *in heavy french accent* Why did you destroy ze telephone?!
  Archer: *mockingly imitating his accent* Because I am out of people to call!
• Sterling's explanation of the butterfly effect.
  Archer: The butterfly Effect, ya know? A Butterfly in Africa lands on a Giraffe's nose, the Giraffe sneezes, that spooks a Gazelle, the Gazelle bonks into a Rhinoceros and the Rhinoceros blindly stampedes into a phone booth, calls New York somehow and says "Hey, go kill this idiot Ron, for a suitcase!", cause the Rhinoceros speaks English!!!

"Viscous Coupling"

• Cheryl thinking she was in Opposite Day.
• When Archer catches Lana with Cyril he eventually guesses he wants revenge for the scotch, leading to this exchange.
  Lana: Do you even hear yourself?
  Archer: Seriously it kind of comes and goes.
  Lana: Well thanks to you I didn't get to do the former, now we are doing the latter.
• This exchange:
  Archer: Yeah, that was... the... third dumbest thing I have ever said.
  Katya: Uh... wait... what were the first two?
  [flashback to Archer in a real estate agent's office]
  Archer: Buddy, you just sold a timeshare! [shakes agent's hand] Make that two timeshares!
  Archer: Pfft. Goddamn maintenance fees...
• "Cyril Figgis strikes again!"
• When Archer tries to stop Krieger from helping Barry leave the space station (who wanted to see a robot fight).
  Archer: Krieger! Why is Barry rocketshipping away from the freaking space station?!?'''
  Krieger: Because... Newton's First Law of Motion?
  Archer: Hey thanks, Neil Degrasse Tyson!
  Krieger's Virtual Girlfriend: Oooohhh... Degrasse Tyson-san...
• Malory's ever-present frustration with her employees.
  Malory: I should just have nerve gas pumped through the vents.
  Krieger: Just say the word.
  • And the Call-Back
    Lana: Holy shit! There are actually nerve gas canisters in here!
    Malory: I've told you that.
    Lana: I thought you were joking!
    Malory: What's funny about nerve gas?

"Once Bitten"

• The Celebrity Paradox joke when Archer lampshades that Chris Parnell voiced the angel who was in Buck Henry's role in their Heaven Can Wait homage.
  Archer: Thanks, third-rade Butch Henry! Come on, you're all over the road here!
• Ray tries lifting the jeep, and ends up breaking his back in the process.
  Archer: Are you shitting me? Bionic legs, and you lift it with your back?!
• Archer gets bitten by a very poisonous snake while taking a crap, and while that's bad enough, it bit him in the taint. Cue Archer desperatly begging Ray to suck the venom out (which Cyril points out doesn't work in the first place.)
  Archer: Come on, just pretend I'm... who's your go-to guy?
  Ray: Lorne Greene
  Archer: ...Battlestar or Bonanza?
  Ray: Okay, so I'm a fieldhand who's at the Ponderoza looking for work, and my chaps get torn-
  Cyril: If we could focus, please!
  • True to form, Archer doesn't lift a finger to help dig the jeep out when it gets stuck in the desert, goes off to take a dump, demands to use either part of the bribe money or the map for toilet paper, admits to losing the compass at a bar back in Greece, and finally uses the map anyway... except this time, karma bites him in the form of a snake.
• Archer hallucinates Cyril and Ray as alligators. Exactly as insane as it sounds.
• Also from that same hallucinatory trip:
  (Archer looks around at the Turkmen tribesmen pointing machine guns at them, still tripping on cobra venom)
  Archer: Hey, check it out Fred and Barney! We're at the Water Buffalo Lodge!!
  (Keels over)
• The many uses of the phrase "gurpgork" (the local dictator forced the population to change the name of several things to the name of his dog). As Ray so eloquently put it:
  Ray: How is it the same word for "bread" and "snake" and "Friday" and that damn dog?!
  • At the last attempt to make them understand, Cyril draws the snake. The locals then show him...a long piece of bread with two eyes on the tip.
  Cyril: What is WRONG with you people?!
  Ray: What's wrong with you?!
  • Cue Cyril's "snake" drawing looking exactly like the bread with eyes. Ray hastily draws a snake (rather extremely detailed in such a short amount of time). Cyril thinks it's crap. Everyone else, not.
• Malory, Pam, and Cheryl ridiculing Lana for "clomping" around the office. Bonus points for Cheryl's impression of an AT-AT.

"Live and Let Dine"

• Malory once again calling in a fake threat, this time for seats at a fancy restaurant.
• The chef at said restaurant was voiced by ANTHONY BOURDAIN. Every line out of his mouth was a howler.
• Also the Running Gag with Archer dropping one of the large cooking bowls, then allowing it to spin down completely before saying anything.
  Archer: These bowls are totally slippery!
• Cyril and the sheep heads.
  Archer: He's in the walk-in, crying like a child. *cut to Cyril doing just that.*
  • Earlier when Archer is instructing Cyril how to cut up the sheep head for meat.
  Archer: Okay, so I want the tongue first, then the cheeks-
  Cyril: Really? You don't want the friggin eyeballs?!
  Archer: *keeps reading* ...oh, so the tongue second!
• After the Albanian ambassador apparently chokes to death on his food, this gem can be heard in the background.
  Cheryl: [in a mock upper-class accent] I'll have what he's having!
  • Then after he's declared dead.
  Cheryl: [in her normal voice] Then I don't want what he's having.

• The Bastard Chef promo. It's a accurate Hell's Kitchen parody except for food being thrown at the chefs, chefs being chased with a cleaver, drinking in the kitchen, a knife stabbing the wall...no pretty accurate.

"Coyote Lovely"

• Lana is worried about the possibility that the truck smuggling Mexicans across the border may also contain Cartel gunmen. Archer isn't fazed:
  Archer: Big whoop, I'm spooning a Barrett fifty-cal. I could kill a building.
• After Archer overhears Lana's theory that he might be autistic, he starts making sarcastic remarks about autistic behaviors when it comes time to actually focus on the mission to further screw with Lana and Cyril - for instance, stacking rocks in order of descending size. In a "blink and you'll miss it" moment after Archer has shot out the engine block of the truck, you can see that he actually did that. Later, after he's been shot by the border guards, he reveals that he counted all the bullets and they're out of ammo.
  Archer: Oh my god, maybe I AM autistic...
• When Archer is talking to the border patrol (who claim they protect America from terrorists) while in a station wagon full of illegal immigrants from Mexico:
  Archer: These people aren't — I mean, not to sound racist, but we all know who the terrorists are.
  Lupe: Los musulmanes. [Muslims]
  Archer: Lupe, come on, you're in America now, you just imply it.
• The immigrants cant find a doctor for Archer, so they end up taking him to an unlicensed veterinarian who drinks constantly. When they thank him afterwards, he tells them he probably did more harm than good.
• Lana's horrified realization that her job as a secret agent is to be Archer's babysitter.

"The Honeymooners"

• Lana shudders when the clerk refers to them as Mr. and Mrs. Archer
• Archer stole his mother's Black Titanium Corporate Card to pay for the room and is confident she won't notice. Cut to Malory having lunch at an expensive restaurant and being unable to find her card. After a while the other woman at the table offers to put it on her own Platinum Card.
  Malory: (through gritted teeth) Thank you, Trudy.
• Pam humping her lunch to bug Cyril. Then she drops it, picks it back up, and keeps doing it. This gag lasts for about 20 seconds, and gets progressively funnier because of it.
• Archer is more concerned with the quality of the room service than the actual mission
  Archer: Because without peppercorns it's not steak au poivre. Like, by definition...
• Lana and Archer, hanging off the side of a skyscraper, discussing his screwed-up priorities.
  Archer: Lana! Lana! PHONE!
  Lana: Did you seriously climb all the way up here just to see what my bonus is?!
  Archer: 'No, I sarcastically climbed up here to see what your bonus is!' he said, sarcastically. Phone!
• "Relax, it's North Korea, the nation-state equivalent of the short bus."
  • "Nice!"
• Pam, Cheryl, and Cyril are spying on Lana and Archer from the other hotel tower but decide to make up their own dialogue.
  Lana: So my first command, as agent-in-command, she said commandingly, is—
  (cut to a view through the window)
  Pam: (doing a weird Muppet voice) Get in my big ol' vagina. I'm Lana!
  Cyril: Ok, you know what?
• When Cyril takes on a North Korean agents with a fire extinguisher:
  Lana: I'm coming, Cyril!
  Archer: Lana, wait! Bet that's the first time you've said that!
  • Oh, and guess who the mystery seller the NK operatives were going to buy uranium from? Krieger!
• Cheryl thinks there's moose in the chocolate mousse.
  Pam: Wrong kind of mousse.
  Cheryl: Elk then, whatever!

"Un Chien Tangerine":

• Pam's applying to become a field agent. Highlights include:
  • Taking the written test in a "Sterile" environment. Translation: Buck naked.
    Pam: *farts* What? Punk ass bitches...
  • Beating the ever-loving snot out of Cyril, Krieger, and Ray. Also buck naked.
    Krieger: And it goes on like that for another 38 soul-cleaving minutes.
    Ray: Of which you were there for 2.
    Krieger: Three!
  • And Malory dismissing it as "beating up a nerd, a Nazi, and the Queen of the Robots."
• Archer discovers in the middle of an argument with Lana just how bad Kazak's farts smell.
  Archer: A, it was kofta, and B...EELZEBUB'S ASSHOLE, Kazak!
• Lana (Walking in the desert without her supplies): And now I'm going to die in the desert. (Gasp) Just like Cheryl's gypsy lady said!
  (Cut to Lana and Cheryl in the breakroom) Lana: How would I ever die in a dessert?
  Cheryl: Oh I don't know, maybe a giant chocolate mousse?
• When Lana calls Malory, she tells Cheryl to say she is not there, meaning she does not want to answer her. Cheryl seems to become convinced that Malory is not really there, despite her explaining she is. Later in the episode, when Archer calls Malory, Cheryl can be seen from the back holding a mirror up to see Malory's reflection.
  Malory: And if you touch me, you'll be spending your lunch hour being fitted for a prosthetic hand!
  Cheryl: I only get 45 minutes...
• The episode closes out with Kazak doing his own version of Archer screaming Lana's name.

Kazak: (Multiple chains of barking)Lana: WHAT!?
(Kazak leans over and farts)
(beat, Archer chuckles)

"The Papal Chase"

• Pam and Cheryl gasping whenever they cuss around the priests/cardinals
• "Your Italian is, how you say, shit?"
• "It's not my fault Italy's so gay!"
• The Pope looks exactly like Woodhouse, and when Archer can't tell them apart, he suggests taking them both home and seeing which one is a better butler.
• Archer and Lana are bickering over who is in charge of the mission:
  Archer: Oh really? Because she didn’t specify an agent-in-command Lana, so I would argue-
  Lana: With a fence post?
  Archer: I wouldn't argue with a- [bumps into something]] Move idiot!
  Pam: I'm going as fast as I can!
  Archer: Not you, the- [camera pans out to reveal Archer is in fact arguing with a fence post (actually, a bollard)]
• Pam getting a huge mirror to check the Pope's breath and accidentally drops it on him:
  Archer: Nice job, Oliver Cromwell!
  Pam (horrified whisper): I killed the Pope!
  Archer: Yeah, that's why I said Oliver Cr-!
  Pam (now jumping on the mirror - and Pope underneath): JESUS CHRIST I'M GOING TO HELL! I'M GOING TO HELL! I'M G-[gets smacked by Archer]
  Archer:: Pam.
  Pam: Yes?
  Archer: Get off the Pope. [Pam hops off, Archer lifts the mirror] Hi...Your Holiness.
  • Moments later, Lana comes in and Pam and Archer try to explain.
  Lana: Why is there a giant mirror on the OH MY GOD YOU CRUSHED THE POPE?
• Archer didn't bring the ISIS crew's duffel bag of weapons because he assumed — from a painting — that the Swiss Guard still uses halberds. Needless to say, when the Swiss Guard stormed the Pope's room with automatic weapons, Lana didn't waste any time in chewing him out. (Then again, since this wasn't really the Swiss Guard, Archer wasn't 100% wrong.)
• Lana realizing that the reason the bad guy hired them to protect the pope is because of ISIS' reputation of being a bad spy agency. Lana tells Pam to not tell Malory about this. Guess what happens at the end.
  Malory: (upon hearing that ISIS was hired because they were so terrible) WHAT!?
  Archer and Lana: PAM!
• When Woodhouse is brought along to impersonate the pope he first rushes off to shoot up, then again to be with it enough for the mission.
  Lana: And with the weather, and you may need an umbrella because it's going to be raining. Dead ass popes.
• Archer protests that the Pope shouldn't be taking Pam's side because she's Lutheran. The Pope's response?
  Pope: Eh, Luther had some valid complaints.

"Sea Tunt" arc

• The various characters discussing Cheryl's insanity
  • Cheryl can hear the background music
    Cheryl: Just try to ignore it… it’s non-diegetic.
    ...
    Cheryl: SHUT UP, JOHN WILLIAMS!
• Malory's response to Ray's complaining
  "Oh, stick another man's penis in it!"
• Pam continues eating the vegan crab and shrimp despite being really allergic to soy
  "I'm a consenting adult!"
  • Malory orders Cyril and Ray to find Cecil's recordings and leave Pam to die of anaphylactic shock:
    Malory: And why are you still standing there? Go!
    Cyril: But what about Pam?
    Malory: I'll buy you a new one!
  • Later, after she orders Cyril and Ray to recover and destroy the CCTV footage, Malory is left alone with Pam, who's on her knees, struggling for breath.
    (Pam wheezes loudly)
    Malory: Well, you don't have to rub it in!
• Krieger modding ISIS guns...while higher than a kite (note the huge pile of cocaine) and air-drumming to "Tom Sawyer".
• Captain Murphy saying that the person who doesn't get the scuba gear should be the weakest swimmer.
  (Archer, Ray, and Cyril all look at Lana)
  Lana: Oh, screw you guys!
• Captain Murphy dying by being trapped under a soda machine in a Call-Back to Sealab 2021
  Captain Murphy: Just like the gypsy woman said!
• Ray getting paralyzed again. Temporarily, though, since it was just his CPU getting short-circuited.
  • Earlier, Archer tricking him into shaving his mustache off.
• At the end, we get this from an understandably butt-hurt Cyril:

  Cyril: Three cheers for little Johnny Bastard!

  Pam: Hip hip...inappropes."

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