Fanfic / GATE: Thus The Blood Gulchers Kicked Ass Here

So, there I was, doing my usual thing of keeping lookout while my team half-assed around... then it appeared.

Exerpt from interview with Leonard Church.

GATE: Thus The Blood Gulchers Kicked Ass Here is a crossover fic between Red vs. Blue and GATE: Thus The JSDF Fought There by AkumaKami64.

As usual, the Saderan Empire opens up a Gate onto an unsuspecting world ripe for pillaging and conquest. Problem is, they chose to invade Blood Gulch, which is home to a group of Super-Soldiers who are more than capable of demolishing them many times over in spite of their idiocy. Things quickly jump off the rails as the residents of Blood Gulch decide to teach the Saderans why they shouldn't mess with the Reds and Blues.

This fic contains examples of:

• Adaptational Badass: Church, who is the worst shot of the Blood Gulch crew in canon, is somehow able to snipe the Sadean invaders with ease. A later chapter implies that his pathetic accuracy was because his robot body had friendly fire turned on, and identifies anyone wearing MJOLNIR Armor (which is to say everyone on both the Reds and Blues) as friendly.
• Adaptational Heroism: The author has confirmed that Chairman Malcolm Hargrove will not be the same evil and corrupt villain that he was in canon, his portrayal more leaning towards how he was initially portrayed in the audio logs from Reconstruction and Recreation.
• Adaptational Relationship Overhaul: In canon, Church initially viewed Junior as a nuisance due to the latter being a (literal) blood sucking alien. Here, he has less enmity with Junior for exactly the same reason he hated him in canon because the Saderans left Blood Gulch living up to its name.
• Asshole Victim: Church instantly loses any sympathy for the thousands of dead Saderans after learning from the survivors' interrogation that they came to loot, rape, and take slaves.
• At Least I Admit It: When Omega butts into Church and Tex's argument after the Reds and Blues learn the truth about their "war", Church defends Omega from angry comments by Tex by stating that while Omega is a bloodthirsty maniac, he's at least honest about it.
• The Atoner: Chapter 13 shows that Omega feels shades of this in regards to his original role in Project: Freelancer. He confides with Delta about this, figuring that if the UNSC finds out where the Alpha is they would likely Mercy Kill him, and that he doesn't trust himself with the Alpha's location, knowing that Gamma is now likely spying on them and Omega cannot tell what his angle really is due to how Omega and Gamma were tasked by The Director with creating scenarios to psychologically torture the Alpha into fragmenting.
• Back from the Dead: Like in canon, a green alien is able to bring Captain Butch Flowers/Agent Florida back to life.
• Beware the Silly Ones: The Reds and Blues are a bunch of dysfunctional idiots, but they are still 26th century soldiers armed to the teeth and clad in MJOLNIR armor (where the most vulnerable part of the armor is the titanium-lined bodysuit that the plates are attached to) who managed to wipe out thousands of the Roman-Era Saderan soldiers. And that was before O'Malley even showed up with his various Weapons Packages.
• Bloody Hilarious: Caboose tries to remove a dismembered arm lodged in the motorcycle. He rips it in two and causing blood to spray on his helmet.
  Caboose: Your car ate it.
• Bunny-Ears Lawyer: The Reds and Blues are all their usual dysfunctional selves, but when an actual invasion of medieval soldiers happens they all snap to attention and and deliver a Curbstomp Battle that ends with thousands dead and rivers of blood, unnerving the UNSC since they're all supposed to be "just Sim Troopers". Flowers later confirms that all Sim Troopers were the best of the washouts from the regular army, people with actual skills but terrible personality quirks, which fits the Reds and Blues to a Tee.
• Corpse Land: Blood Gulch lives up to its name after the Reds, Blues, and the Freelancers leave the canyon blood-soaked with thousands of dead Saderans.
• Curb-Stomp Battle: The Reds and Blues easily decimate the Saderan Empire forces by themselves because they have advanced technology that outstrips whatever the Saderans possess by a ridiculous margin and are also Super Soldiers, making them much more powerful than average soldiers on the battlefield. Lampshaded by Sarge.
  "Who knew killing primitive soldiers with vastly superior technology could be so entertaining?!"
• Does Not Know His Own Strength: Caboose plays "stop tag" with any Saderan soldiers by repeatedly "patting their heads until they stop moving." Needless to say, none of the Saderans survive getting their heads reduced into fine paste.
• The Dragonslayer: The Blood Gulch Crew manages to easily become this due to the Saderans' entering the canyon with their Wyvern Riders, with Church racking up the most kills with his sniper rifle after acquiring the Anti-Tank Ammo from the Reds.
• The Dreaded: The Saderans quickly begin to see the Reds and Blues and Freelancers as wrathful "Iron Gods" after getting their asses handed to them, even coming up with various titles for them.
• Elephant in the Living Room: Once the battle settles down and Tex and the Freelancer agents throw their lot in with the Reds and Blues, there's a lot of creative dancing around the subject of the Alpha AI, it's current whereabouts, and what exactly Freelancer was doing with it. Tex and Flowers are especially careful when talking about the Alpha around Church, for obvious reasons.
• Entertainingly Wrong: Following the aftermath of the Saderans' invasion, the Reds and Blues discovered that at some point Omega had managed to leave Doc and find itself inside of Church's head; acting completely chill about it when questioned. Delta theorizes that it's because Church has so much Tranquil Fury that he actually outstrips the innate anger of Omega, largely unaware that it's because Church is actually the Alpha Smart AI that both he and Omega were fragmented from.
• Equipment Upgrade: O'Malley brings with him several of his prototype weapons that he hands out to the Blood Gulch Crew in order to mop up the remainder of the Saderan invaders.
  • Explosive Sniper rounds for Wyomings' Sniper Rifle.
  • Machine Gun for Agent York.
  • A Flame-spewing Incendiary Sniper Rifle that becomes Church's go-to rifle.
• Fun with Acronyms: Emeryson and Church's callsigns for each other are "Bits" (Bitch In The Ship) and "Bop" (Bastard On Planet).
• Give My Regards in the Next World: Church to a Saderan soldier unfortunate enough to meet him:
  Church: Hey, buddy? Say hi to Flowers for me.
• I Call It "Vera": Church's new Incendiary Sniper Rifle created by O'Malley was named Hellspitter by Sarge.
  Church: I hate that I love that name.
• I Reject Your Reality: Upon finding out that the war is fake, Sarge copes by convincing himself that it's all a trick by the Blues to trick the Reds into lowering their guard.
• Improbable Aiming Skills: Church suddenly develops these during the fight against the invading Sadean Army.
  Church: "I AM SNIPING DRAGONS! ONE-HANDED! ...How the fuck did I just do that?!"
• Internal Reveal: Chapter 10 ends with the Reds and Blues learning from UNSC reinforcements that their war is fake as part of Project Freelancer. The following chapter has Tex give Church a few more details, though still not telling him everything.
• I Need a Freaking Drink: Emeryson and her medical officer Dan are both tempted to do this after a thorough medical examination of the Reds and Blues reveals that several of them break the laws of medical science.
• Locked Out of the Loop: Flowers/Agent Florida is understandably very confused when he comes back and learns everything that's happened while he was gone.
• Oblivious to Love: Well, not love exactly, but Church seems oblivious to the fact that he and Emeryson are flirting with each other in most of their conversations.
• Off the Rails: The entirety of the events of Red vs. Blue both after the events of Getting Debriefed and during the events of Out Of Mind Part 5 gets completely derailed when The Gate appears in the middle of Blood Gulch.
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Blood Gulch getting invaded by pseudo-Romans causes a lot of unnatural behavior from the Reds and Blues and Freelancers.
  • Church enters the Competence Zone and actually manages to be an effective leader, along with gaining Improbable Aiming Skills that even he is shocked to now have.
  • Grif not only stops being lazy, he actually remembers where the anti-tank ammo was. In Chapter 8 he confides in Church that he recognized that Agent York had lost someone close to him, due to York constantly looking at his Club Errera Lighter.
  • Sarge willingly gives his shotgun to Grif after the latter says he needs it for a plan, citing that it'd involve a high chance of Grif being in danger.
  • Following the end of the Saderans' invasion of Blood Gulch, Omega clarifies that he's willing to follow orders from Church due to how much fun he could have with the Blood Gulch Crew attacking the Saderans. Later on, Omega finds himself inside of Church's head and acting unnaturally calm; even sleepy at times that Church thinks he'd become a "Second Grif" if this kept up.
• Outside-Context Problem:
  • The Reds and Blues are this to the Saderans, being Super Soldiers from a high-tech sci-fi setting with super-advanced weaponry. As such, the utterly curb-stomped Saderans can only equate them to angry gods.
  • For that matter, the Reds and Blues are this to the rest of the UNSC military, who can't make heads or tails of most of the insanity that happens in Blood Gulch.
• Pregnant Badass: Not that Tucker knew he was pregnant at the time. He manages to give birth to Junior during the fight against the Saderan invaders in Blood Gulch.
• Rank Up: During the events of The Saderan Invasion of Blood Gulch, VIC from Command informs that Church had been just officially promoted to the rank of Captain of Blue Team. And according to the above quote, he would eventually become a General during the fight in the Special Region.
• A Rare Sentence: Several times.
  Grif: Just keep Sarge alive! Never thought I'd say that...
  Wyoming: Now, we unleash Hell. Bloody bollocks, I've always wanted to say that!
  Shiela: I just shot a shell into another world. I believe I feel prouder of that than I should.
• Remember When You Blew Up a Sun?: The UNSC reinforcements are constantly confused by the Reds and Blues casually referencing all the insanity they've gotten up to since coming to Blood Gulch.
• Shout-Out:
  • Chapter One has this little number from Caboose.
  Caboose: Church! I had a great dream! Little Red Riding Hood beat up a bunch of big scary wolves! She had a weed-whacker gun.
  • Chapter Eight has a small callout to Hellsing Ultimate Abridged.
• Something Else Also Rises: Church manages to convince O'Malley into helping the Blood Gulch Crew out with the Saderan invasion by tempting him with how big of a bloodbath the battle would be.
  O'Malley: OH ALPHA! ENOUGH WITH THE FOREPLAY!
  Doc: Church, my body is getting a boner that isn't mine!
• Spared by the Adaptation: Church calls up O'Malley to bring in some help, O'Malley calls up Wyoming who calls for a truce with Tex to stop the bigger threat. Due to The Saderans' invasion of Blood Gulch taking place at around the same time as the events of the "Out of Mind" miniseries, this allows for Agent York to survive and meet with the rest of the Blood Gulch Crew.