"Hi im Ivy Caroline Celestia Allison Marissa Claire Bieber. Im rly fukin hot nd skiny nd I hav blomd curly hair dat gose all da way 2 muh nees and mi boobs r big nd hot nd I hav long leg dat r rly long nd supr hot and im rly tan nd tall nd hot nd I hav ruby lips and mah teeth r wite nd perfect nd a prfect noes nd my eyes r rly hot nd dey r dark brown nd my eylashes r rly long and hot. I go 2 a wizerd skool calld hogwarts nd im a wich der. Im frum amrika but I wanted 2 go heer instead bcuz british guyz r so fucing sexah. Im 15 so ill b in muh 5 year der bcuz im transferrin frum my normul skool heer 2 da witch scool der."Da ivy cuvrd wals uv higwsrts, also known as de iby covred wallss of hpgwarts, also known as TE OVY COVEERED WALLLS OV HOGWrts, or, more correctly, The Ivy-Covered Walls of Hogwarts, is a Harry Potter fanfic by Sally Anne-Avery, which features horrible spelling and grammar. It is about Ivy Caroline Celestia Allison Marissa Claire Bieber, a 15-year-old girl who transfers to Hogwarts, gets sorted in Gryffindor, and becomes Harry's girlfriend.The fanfic's first chapter can be found here.The author: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/4333938/Sally-Anne-Avery (Which she barely uses anymore.)The author's deviantART: http://saly-an-avry.deviantart.com/ (Which became more active after Sally got angry at Fanfiction.net for deleting her story twice, but is also being barely used now after her public apology to James.)Compare One Less Lonely Gurl, which is the SpongeBob SquarePants equivalent, with superior spelling and an insane sci-fi plot intertwined with the same preppiness of this fanfic. Compare and contrast My Immortal, Jo Bekke At Hugwrts, and Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen.
—The first paragraph.
'Da Ivy Cuvrd Wals of Higwsrts contains examples of: