"Hi im Ivy Caroline Celestia Allison Marissa Claire Bieber. Im rly fukin hot nd skiny nd I hav blomd curly hair dat gose all da way 2 muh nees and mi boobs r big nd hot nd I hav long leg dat r rly long nd supr hot and im rly tan nd tall nd hot nd I hav ruby lips and mah teeth r wite nd perfect nd a prfect noes nd my eyes r rly hot nd dey r dark brown nd my eylashes r rly long and hot. I go 2 a wizerd skool calld hogwarts nd im a wich der. Im frum amrika but I wanted 2 go heer instead bcuz british guyz r so fucing sexah. Im 15 so ill b in muh 5 year der bcuz im transferrin frum my normul skool heer 2 da witch scool der."Da ivy cuvrd wals uv higwsrts, also known as de iby covred wallss of hpgwarts, also known as TE OVY COVEERED WALLLS OV HOGWrts, or, more correctly, The Ivy-Covered Walls of Hogwarts, is a Harry Potter fanfic by Sally-Anne Avery, which features horrible spelling and grammar. It is about Ivy Caroline Celestia Allison Marissa Claire Bieber, a 15-year-old girl who transfers to Hogwarts, gets sorted in Gryffindor, and becomes Harry's girlfriend.The fanfic's first chapter can be found here.The author: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/4333938/Sally-Anne-Avery (Which she barely uses anymore.)The author's deviantART: http://saly-an-avry.deviantart.com/ (Which became more active after Sally got angry at Fanfiction.Net for deleting her story twice, but is also being barely used now after her public apology to James.)Compare One Less Lonely Gurl, which is the SpongeBob SquarePants equivalent, with superior spelling and an insane sci-fi plot intertwined with the same preppiness of this fanfic. Compare and contrast My Immortal, Jo Bekke At Hugwrts, and Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen.
—The first paragraph.
'Da Ivy Cuvrd Wals of Higwsrts contains examples of:
- Alpha Bitch: Ivy.
- Author Appeal: The fanfic has the Mary Sue's last name as Bieber, fashion brands such as Abercrombie and American Eagle Outfitters, and the Mary Sue getting paired with Harry Potter.
- Author Avatar: Ivy.
- Author Filibuster: Sally-Anne goes out of her way just to say how much she hates nerds. Subverted, now that Sally herself has said that she is now a newly-initiated nerd.
- Buxom Is Better: Ivy is said to have big breasts.
- Costume Porn: The fanfic describes all the clothes that they are wearing, so much like a preppy version of My Immortal. Ivy even mentions the brand of underwear that she wears.
- Dark-Skinned Blonde: Ivy
- Dead Fic: Possibly. Ever since she apologized to James, no new chapters for this fanfic have come up.
- Department of Redundancy Department: Ivy describes her features as hot and perfect one too many times. Also: "...I hav long leg dat r rly long..."
- Nerds Are Sexy: Sally-Anne actually thinks so. (She is a David Tennant Fangirl.)
- Out-of-Character Moment: At one point Dumbledore "exploded" an unnamed student. Granted said student did try to kill Ivy for some reason, but still, exploding one of the students? Does that really seem like something Dumbledore would do?
- Overly Long Name: The Mary Sue has five middle names.
- Rapunzel Hair: Ivy has hair that goes until her knees.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: Oh God, yes.
- Self Insert: Ivy.
- She's Got Legs: Ivy has long legs.
- Spell My Name with an "S": Ivy is sometimes misspelled as Icy.
- Statuesque Stunner: Ivy.
- Troll Fic: Confirmed. The fanfic was serious, but she decided to just continue writing For the Lulz. So far, no updates have come to this fanfic yet.
- The X of Y: The Ivy-Covered Walls of Hogwarts.