Characters / Dark Match
A fox furry
living in Billerica, Massachusetts
and primary editor of the show who is largely known for his legendary mental breakdowns
and frequent Sanity Slippage
. He is the good twin of Lars The TNA Mark and lives in the same house. He is an avid fan of Sonic the Hedgehog
The self proclaimed "Mastodon of the Monotone" who lives in New York City
, but oddly enough doesn't possess a typical new york accent. One of the more knowledgeable reviewers on the show, not just in wrestling but other forms of entertainment such as film and music.
The other fox furry, who resides in Vancouver
, British Columbia
. He is the oldest of the cast and arguably the most mellowed out. His knowledge and interest in wrestling is only one facet of his spectrum of interests, which include Dj-ing, writing, music and video production. He is the good twin of Matt Hardy V8 and has a dog named Sam who appears in a few of his videos.
In her own words, a fangirl who lives near Seattle, Washington
. When she's not ripping down TNA for their blatantly sexist policies in handling the knockouts, she is likely reading fanfics.
- Ascended Fangirl
- Break the Cutie: Normally calm and collected, Duos has gone off on her recent episodes SEVERAL times. It took a little while, but she's finally become as broken as the rest of the cast.
- Catch Phrase: Duos used to introduce herself with "I'm Your Token Chick" but retired it after a short time.
- Rule 34: Reads A LOT of fan fiction in her spare time.
- There Are No Female Wrestling Fans: Inverted with Duosangel.
- She mainly became a fan through watching Spoony's Wrestle! Wrestle! videos after not watching since she was a little kid. The rest of the cast has taken up the responsibility of educating her on wrestling as much as possible.
- Token Lesbian
Having recently moved back to Chantilly, Virginia
, Ironbite is a mostly outspoken member of Darkmatch who is certainly not above expressing himself in the form of offensive jokes and coming off overly creepy, but that's why we love him.
- All Men Are Perverts: If he's not talking incessantly about how hot one of the girls are, he's usually making a comment that makes No Leaf whisper "creeeeepppy" in the background.
- Animal Mecha: His avatar is a mecha-raptor.
- Butt Monkey: Ironbite has certainly filled this role lately, but this is subject to change.
- Dude, Not Funny!: (In-universe)Often his preferred style of humor.
- The Snark Knight
The only Darkmatch cast member who has any actual experience in the wrestling industry, he has worked as a wrestler, announcer, and referee for numerous indy wrestling promotions. Now having left that turbulent lifestyle behind and living in Dallas, Texas
, Jingus retains a wealth of insider knowledge about the sport and remains a valuable asset to the crew.
- Bad Ass Baritone
- Berserk Button: When a wrestler, male or female wins via a roll up in a situation where the wrestler in question was supposed to be booked having a stronger victory.
- Cool Old Guy: Jingus is in his early 30s.
- Elders: Jingus has been referred to as The Undertaker of the show, as he's one of the oldest members and tends to have the most wisdom about the going ons of wrestling, as he was a former wrestler/referee himself.
- Large Ham
- Sir Swears Alot
- The Expy: Magpie noted that he sounds like Benzai
A newcomer to the Darkmatch scene from the Chicago
area, and a sit in fan for quite sometime. Made his debut surprising Magpie by coming out of the closet as a furry during the Wrestlemania 28 review.
One of the more energetic Darkmatch members from California
, Magpie is a die hard fan of Ring of Honor, particularly some of it's notable alumni such as Samoa Joe and Christoper Daniels and often cites the most famous match between the two as a defense mechanism when the current product is doing less than well. Magpie is a huge Beatles fan and hates furries, and has an ongoing rivalry with Backlash and Digi-Fox. Dr. Magpie is somewhat of a canon alter-ego responsible for the creation of Matt Hardy V8.
The defacto leader of the group and former editor of the show from Maryland
, No Leaf is often busy having a life with his girlfriend. He has two modes: he will often stay silent for long periods of time only interjecting with the occasional 'Bow-Chiki-Wow-Wow' in response to sexual innuends, or non-stop unfettered unmitigated fury and rage often reserved for the worst shows TNA has to offer.
- All Men Are Perverts: Laments the fact that Charlie Sheen encouraged porn star Bree Olsen to quit the industry in an episode of "Faker than Pro Wrestling".
- In the course of one show, No Leaf tries to avert this by referring to Layla not as hot, but as beautiful. Then, during the last segment of the show, he ends up saying Layla's wonderful cleavage gets more screen time than Jay Lethal.
- Angry Black Man: YMMV though.
- Berserk Button: Has a few.
- Any time Michael Cole shows up on screen, No Leaf Clover is liable to groan loudly or explain in explicit detail why he hates him so much. Teefus, if present will reply "You're SUPPOSED to hate Cole!"
- Also, never mention Tyler Perry on the show. Or Chris Brown for that matter.
- Has threatened to fork people who insist on singing the song "Friday".
- Pockets that serve no purpose.
- Justin Bieber dating Selena Gomez. "IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!"
- Most recently it's been Wrestlemania 28, The Rock winning over Cena and the squash match with D Bry.
- Black and Nerdy
- Catch Phrase: Bow Chicka Wow Wow
- Follow the Leader: Often steals Teefus's catchphrase to comedic effect.
- Hair-Trigger Temper
- Selective Memory: Noleaf can never seem to remember Murphy's name; in his mind, there is only Gunner, and Gunner's Pal.
- Sir Swears Alot
- The Bus Came Back: Noleaf took a vacation due to burnout, but he kept interrupting shows he wasn't booked for to add his opinions, usually interrupting newcomer Megafighter.
- Token Minority
Another new member and proof along with Duos and Lone Warriors that there are girls on the internet.
Former co-founder of the C-Show, who jumped ship to Darkmatch to fill the gap left by several former members.
- The Alcoholic: Just about pickled himself to death playing the TNA Drinking Game.
- All American Face: Defeated Foreign Wrestling Heel Revolverman in a Canada VS USA debate
- Arch-Enemy: Lars
- Catch Phrase: He says "I'm in the DANJA ZONE!" at seemingly random moments.
- Cool Mask: Teefus has purchased on Sin Cara mask.
- He's also recorded shows while wearing it, even though no one can see him.
- Evil Laugh: Teefus has an evil cackle whenever trolling the other cast members.
- Sir Swears Alot
- The Snark Knight
- Right-Hand Cat: Teefus has a cat named Kali that appeared in the first non-regular review show, mocking TNA's bad parody of WWE's Undertaker promos. He openly would prefer a dog but she comes when he calls her.
- Put on a Bus: His work schedule only makes him available for shows infrequently, IF he was able to watch the reviewed material, IF a replacement is needed to cover someone else.
Lars the TNA Mark
Backlash's Evil Twin
A rabid TNA fanboy who believes that everything the company does is amazing and that WWE is terrible. May have been created by a Teleporter Accident
, but No Leaf won't acknowledge or deny it. His obsession with both Duosangel and the TNA knockouts are legendary, as are his masturbation skills.
Matt Hardy V8
Digi-Fox' Evil Twin
. A being created by Dr. Magpie to do away with Digi-Fox and sink his review show. Matt Hardy V8 is somehow less crazy than the real life Matt Hardy, but is still a crazy bastard nonetheless with an undying craving for grapes.
Sam The Dog
Digi-Fox' faithful sidekick and Canine Companion
. Is all too willing to give his opinions on the worst the wrestling industry has to offer and prove he's smarter than them.
- A Boy And His Dog: Digi-Fox and Sam
- Caligula's Horse: Digi-Fox' appointed co-host in the 'My Dog Sam' series.
- Canada, Eh?
- Canine Companion: Appeared in a short video called 'My Dog Sam Is Smarter Than Hogan, Bischoff, Carter, Jarrett and Russo' and can also be heard barking in certain episodes, much to the chagrin of the rest of the cast.
- Sam's barks are usually met with a resounding "Hi Sam!" from the crowd.
- The Silent Bob
Former Cast Members
Matt the Paranoid Kat
Mr. War Machine
- All Men Are Perverts: Says every time Velvet Sky is on TV, we have to see her boobs, otherwise it's not worth it.
- Annoying Younger Sibling: He tries to deny this by saying that everyone else is just old.
- Berserk Button: Vickie Guerrero. Inverted with everyone else, who are happy anytime Vickie Guerrero is on screen.
- War Machine finds Booker T's commentary style...grating.
- Butt Monkey: Played with. It never gets really bad, but he does have his moments.
- The Bus Came Back: Mr. War Machine, left the show due to burn out with wrestling, plus his planet needed him. Recently, he was released from Dark Match hosting duties, though that turned out to be a work
- Rule 34: The segment 'Mr. War Machine's Slashfic Theatre' in which he reads hypothetical scenarios involving ceratin wrestlers such as Sting, Jeff Hardy and Hulk Hogan engaging in hot gay sex in the style of an overly romanticized fanfic. It's way funnier that it sounds.
- Token Minority: Sort of.
- Younger Than They Sound: Mr. War Machine doesn't sound it, but he's actually the youngest member of the cast at 16 years old.
Alli (Pronounced 'Alley')
A furry of many fursonas living in Klamath Falls, Oregon
. Alli was one of the editors of the show and also one of the funniest cast members, often chiming in with a well-timed zinger.
Hailing from Prince George
, British Columbia
, Revolverman is one of the funniest Darkmatch members.
He's fat, he's a drummer and he likes Coca-Cola, Subrick is never at loss for words. Responsible for breaking more than a few tangent counters, Subrick is a variable minefield of factoids which he's willing to shoe-horn into any review show.
- Berserk Button: When Madison Rayne claimed that TNA has "the best women's division in the world", he proceeded to go insane, labeling Wrestlicious a better promotion than TNA.
- The constant burial of the Divas of Doom is also a hot button issue for him. One particular instance of Natalya losing to Alicia Fox by roll up caused him to be in rant mode for pretty much the rest of the episode.
- Motor Mouth: When something pisses him off, which also includes many a Cluster F-Bomb to boot.
- The Bus Came Back: Subrick, after No Leaf Clover used the Space-Dimensions Kinetic Ylem Portal Expressway (or S.K.Y.P.E) in an attempt to rid reality of the Selena Gomez/Justin Bieber relationship.
- The Snark Knight
- Wall of Text: If you had to transcribe his tangents you would likely end up with one of these.
- Younger Than They Sound: Inverted with Subrick, who sounds 26 despite being only 18.