Characters: College Roomies from Hell!!!
College Roomies From Hell
has a diverse cast of damaged personalities
. Since the transition from "hilariously quirky
" to "tragically psychotic" is very, very gradual
, expect MASSIVE SPOILERS UNMARKED
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The Roomies From Hell
Michael Redford Green
A Heroic Comedic Sociopath
who domineers over the rest of the cast, but has his sweet moments. His demeanor turns out to have come from his mother, a Smug Snake
straight out of James Bond. The fight against Satan left him with a staff of diabolic power and a one-time easement on control of his body. When he took the cast to Cancun as part of a plan
, Satan used him to impregnate April, and then gave her Yandere
tendencies just enough of a nudge to lead to Mike's death from a stab meant for his fiancée Marsha. Recently returned to life, albeit in his old, partially decayed body, although his soul still seems to be in purgatory (and trapped there by the zombie's existence
), raising the question of just who was in his zombified body
. Mutation: Tentacle.
- Badass: Even before the tentacle, he's pretty dangerous in a fight. After, he's lethal enough to kill Satan's avatar if he catches him by surprise.
- Combat Tentacles: Just the one, but it's a pretty good one.
- I Am Who?: Turns out he's the Archangel Michael, on Earth to keep Satan from unleashing the apocalypse. It's implied God didn't want him to go, since He knew it would just accelerate Satan's plans.
- Happily Married: With Marsha. Subverted in that his mother used her connections to annul the marriage as part of a ploy to get him to come clean about Satan. He refused.
- The Leader: Much to his chagrin. His personality, combined with the money inherited from his father, lets him rule over the anti-Satanic NOES group.
A high school friend of Margaret who saved her from the explosion that killed her parents without letting her know. His obsessive crush on her
was a major source of comedy in the early years (indirectly giving the three boys their mutations), until Blue won him over and Margaret finally started to return his affections
. Also, his soul was stolen by Satan and returned, but half of it went to a cat; he's become something of a literal Cosmic Plaything
since then. The Love Triangle
and Blue's issues have led him to be the angstiest character, especially since he and Margaret were at the apparent nadir the last two of the main six who hadn't died or left. Mutation: Laser vision.
- Berserk Button: Insulting or hurting Blue.
- Beware the Nice Ones: Let's just start with "Deadly Eye Beams caused by anger" and move on from there.
- Dogged Nice Guy/Stalking Is Love: Deconstructed. His single-minded pursuit of Margaret to the exclusion of all else causes many problems in his life. It takes a looong time, but eventually he realizes his obsession is ruining his chance to be with Blue, and gives up on Margaret. Which is when Margaret realizes she's in love with him.
Dave: I spent years. And I mean every minute of them. Building you this...huge house inside of my heart. It had many little rooms where we could be silly, or naked, or sweet-sap corny. Or maybe we could just talk or fight or be together in silence. Nothing was missing. Except you. So I waited. But you never arrived, and the house started decaying. And I, I just couldn't stand it. And so I burned it down and demolished the whole thing with a steamroller. And suddenly...here you are, with your little suitcase. You find me standing among the ruins. And you ask me why I'm so sad. And then you ask me why I'm angry.
- Empathy Pet: His cat, Chester, due to holding a piece of his soul. They feel the same things, which confuses Dave when Chester is next door snuggling under Margaret's shirt, and he doesn't know why he's getting excited.
- Eye Beams: Blue lasers activated when he gets angry. He mostly uses them to make popcorn.
- Heroic RROD: Blue's mother hypnotized him to feel extreme pain every time he used his lasers—because, as it turns out, they already were slowly causing an aneurism, and were going to kill him eventually. As part of the deal with her and the Dundun Base, he agrees to be studied by the scientists so they can fix the problem and let him use the lasers safely.
A happy Cloudcuckoolander
who loves to start "nonsense contests" with his sister and others, and whose hand is apparently a sentient Jerkass
. Until it was revealed that he was a werecoyote, which was played for absurd laughs until he found his estranged mother, a giant, man-eating full-time coyote who told him that his humanity was slipping away, which was proven to him the hard way when torture led to Satan taking over his body and killing dozens. Then his mother attacked Margaret in the woods and got a shotgun round to the heart, after which Margaret and Roger apparently had sex, which annoyed both Dave and Diana. Roger tried to leave the Roomies behind to celebrate his true nature, but found himself unable to adjust. Mutation: Eye in already-sentient hand.
- Eyes Do Not Belong There: One in his left hand. It doesn't get much attention, since it's just as nearsighted as his other two eyes, meaning it's not very useful.
- Half-Identical Twins: Has a twin sister named Lily. Despite being fraternal, they look practically identical.
- Healing Factor: Learns how to do this after spending some time with other werebeasts.
- Hidden Depths: He's smarter than he lets on, and his Cloudcuckoolander tendencies turn out to be a form of anger management.
- Our Werebeasts Are Different: Werecoyote, and constantly terrified of losing his grip on his humanity for good.
The Girls Next Door
Mike's fiancée, introduced as a Lethal Chef
who tried to match her father's success as a cook, while pursued by small animals
that she occasionally used to attack people. Her cooking, combined with the boys' sentient fridge mold, led to the creation of a "batato" that bit her, giving her bat wings that manifested during a suicide attempt brought on by a falling-out with Mike. She had a tendency to be insanely jealous
in regard to Mike and even her ex-boyfriends, with her weapon of choice being fire extinguishers. Her rivalry with April developed into a full-blown deathmatch
that ended in Mike's death. Then she tried to harness the power of Satan through his staff, until Hazel seemingly blew her brains out to capture April.
- Eyepatch of Power: Mike's mother shot out her eye.
- Freakiness Shame: She's initially ashamed of her wings, and doesn't want Mike to see them. Mike has a tentacle; wings don't matter to him.
- Happily Married: With Mike. Subverted in that his mother used her connections to annul the marriage as part of a ploy to get him to come clean about Satan. He refused.
- Winged Humanoid: The foldaway wings variant.
Dave's best friend since high school, who lost her parents when her house was firebombed. This event turned her already-violent nature into borderline insane survivalism
and an obsession with weapons. Dreams she had after an encounter with Satan convinced her that she was destined to be the mother of the Antichrist and that everyone close to her was sure to die violently; not wanting to put Dave through that, she rebuffed his affections despite her growing feelings
. She found herself too attracted to Dave to be content with this, once he's happy with Blue
- Anti Anti Christ: She was convinced that she was the Bride of Satan, going to give birth to his child and usher in the Apocalypse. Satan eventually reveals that this was all a lie For the Evulz; whether it really was a lie the whole time or if the Roomies just managed to prevent this future and he pulled an in-universe Parody Retcon is unclear.
- Their First Time: She has sex with Dave in the rain while on the run from Satan, under the belief that this will keep him safe. It does; unfortunately, she neglected to explain this to him first, so he was deeply hurt when he realized it was a one-time thing.
- Tsundere: She does love Dave, just not the way he loves her.
A duplicate of her sister, June, accidentally created by magic, who despite this considered herself the token "normal" roomie
until she became attracted to Mike after a Fake-Out Make-Out
gone wrong. This attraction blossomed into full-blown insanity
, to the point that she and Marsha would periodically try to kill each other. This reached a climax when Mike was accidentally fatally stabbed, but not before Satan used his body to impregnate April. After this, Marsha tried to kill her again, but Hazel shot Marsha and took April into her custody, planning to raise the child as her own and torture April to death.
- Accidental Murder: Mike jumps in the way of a knife she's aiming at Marsha.
- Fake Out Makeout: Gone horribly, horribly wrong.
- If I Can't Have You: Variant. She doesn't actually want to kill Mike; she just says that if he won't smile for her, she'll make him so miserable he'll never smile again.
- Mistaken for Pregnant: She may or may not be pregnant with Mike's child (though she definitely was, at some point). Either way, due to brainwashing and a few coincidences, she is briefly mistakenly thought to be pregnant with Dave's child.
Mike's younger sister, who does her best to get Dave away from Margaret, or at least drive him crazy. It takes a long time, but Dave slowly realizes she actually does care about him, and they get together.
- Beware the Nice Ones: When her loved ones (especially Dave) are in danger, she's basically a nicer version of her mother. That means run away very fast.
- Dogged Nice Girl: She makes no attempts to hide her love for Dave, despite his feelings for Margaret. In a moment of weakness, he relents and sleeps with her. Much later, he realizes he does love her.
- Stalking Is Love: She has fun early on running around campus, "coincidentally" running into Dave, and then acting confused when he claims she couldn't have possibly gotten from point A to point B that fast. She settles down after her first appearance.
- You Gotta Have Blue Hair: Same as her mother.
Mike and Blue's Evil Matriarch
, whom they refer to as "the Dragon
." A stone-cold killer with an organization the size of a small country at her beck and call.
- Affably Evil: Friendly, charming, sexy, and quite possibly more evil than Satan.
- Big Brother Is Watching: She has everyone tracked, including her own children.
- Brainwashed and Crazy: She likes doing this to people, to the point that her children know to keep an eye out for it in regards to the people around them.
- Kick the Dog: Loads, but how about when April claimed to be Mike's girlfriend? Hazel had her kidnapped and tortured for information.
- Pet the Dog: While under the effects of Truth Serum, she admits she brainwashed Dave to keep him from using his Eye Beams because they're killing him, and then tells Blue she loves her.
Diana's streetwalking Transvestite
- Bi the Way: Cheerily. He slept with April for money, but spends all his time hitting on the boys.
- Pet the Dog: When April is down in the dumps (and broke), he decides not to charge her for the intimacy she needs. "Let's just say you're using your frequent flier miles."
The head of Dundun Island. A ruthless business magnate and Mad Scientist
. Also married to Hazel Green.
- Affably Evil: He's pretty nice, for a murderous scumbag playing God. He even apologizes to the boys for experimenting on them, noting he wouldn't have done that if he had known their connection to Hazel.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: Has an entire underwater island of genetically engineered monsters, captures and experiments on random kids, and is married to Hazel Green. That wasn't a case of Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking, that last one really is the worst of the lot.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: He seems to genuinely love Hazel, and thus feels it is best to extend at least some courtesies to her children and their friends.
- Theme Naming: All his officers are given cities as codenames.
- Worthy Opponent: A number of the Roomies, but he appears to see Blue as the closest to himself.
Waldo and Steve
Waldo and Steve
A pair of sociopathic yet rather pathetic
Satanists who live in the room below them.
- Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: They're constantly trying and failing to summon Satan and other demons. All of their successes are coincidences; Satan occasionally appears in their apartment to give them orders, but not because they actually summoned him correctly.
Satan, the Prince of Darkness
The primary villain. He has been tormenting Margaret all her life, and extended his attention to the rest of the Roomies after they confronted him in the Satanists' apartment.
- Big Bad: Of everything.
- For the Evulz: He claims he told Margaret she would give birth to the Antichrist for this reason. It's not clear if he really had been lying to her her entire life, or if she succeeded in averting her fate, and he pretended it was all a cruel joke.
- In-Series Nickname: Mike sometimes calls him "Stanny," or "Lucy" when he remembers his status as the Archangel Michael.
Roger's fraternal twin sister, but is referred to as his half-identical twin because of their great resemblance.