All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

And it is AWESOME.

"Thanks, I appreciate it with all my heart, but..."

"With ALL of your heart?" she smirked, yet there was something lacking with her expression, as if a shadow of a doubt brought her normal cheerfulness down.

"Kaede, I get what you're trying to say, but this isn't the way to..."

"No, I guess it isn't," she looked down, with a brief and stiff chuckle. "I guess I just wanted to say... I'll always be your faithful retainer, no matter what, and I don't care how long I have to wait, even my whole life... If I get to ultimately give you EVERYTHING I have, I'll be happy..."

"You don't have to consider yourself my retainer or servant. Think of us as equals. Friends."

For once, she half opened her eyes to look at his. They were gorgeous eyes. "That's exactly the problem, Negi-bouzou. I value your friendship a lot, but... It just isn't enough for me, de gozaru..."

He opened his mouth to talk, but no sound managed to come out of it.

"I know it's an egoist thing from me to ask..." she said, moving closer, then hugging him softly. She was one of the only three girls at the class who still were able to look at a more or less even eye level with him now he had grown up so much. "I guess it's only a hopeless dream, but still, I had to give it a chance. And I insist, my offer will always stand, whenever you—"

Naturally, someone outside chose that moment to knock at the door.

Negi paled again as Kaede broke the embrace. She winked an eye at him. "I'll be around, just in case someone does something you wouldn't like, de gozaru. Trust me."

"I—!" he began to say, but then she whipped her cloak out and disappeared as abruptly as Natsumi had before.

Negi groaned, shook his head, and wandered back to the door. He was ready for anyone from Graff Herrmann in lingerie to Tsukuyomi naked and bathed in chocolate now. Or so he thought.

Because when he saw Chisame standing at the door, his heart still gave an U-turn.

She was wearing a frilly black baby doll with stockings and slippers, her hair loose, lacking her glasses. She also was clearly troubled, nibbling on her lower lips and breathing at short, rapid intervals. As he stood there looking at her, paralyzed, she finally managed to speak first, trying to sound casual.

"Ummm... hello. Good night. I mean, I see you're still awake..." she sighed, closing her eyes. "S-Sorry. I must be sounding like an idiot. Um, would you happen to know where's Chachamaru?"

"Chachamaru?" he blandly repeated.

Chisame struggled to talk again, looking at every side. "Yeah, well, we were talking a short while ago... She told me she might be coming here...?"

"She told you that...?"

"It was more of a confession than anything..." she amended. A long pause. "She told me she wanted to be honest with me about it..." another, even uneasier pause. "Because she wanted 'a fair competition'..."

"Ah," he only said, his mind almost burned out.

"She even... suggested me to try at the same time..."

"Ah?"

"N-Not like that! I mean, like asking you which one would you... You know... Not THAT, at least not right now, unless you wanted it, I mean, it was basically to ask you which one was... is... closest to you?" she finished.

"I think... I understand."

"I told her it was unfair to put that weight on you, right now, and she seemed to agree... but she still didn't sound that convinced, so..."

"You came here to make sure she wouldn't...?"

She exhaled deeply, then gathered her courage and pointed down at herself. "Do you think this is the clothing I usually wear to talk a girl out of anything? Y-You idiot, can't you see I'm here to... ahhh... get there before she does?-!"

"Really?-!" his eyes bugged out.

She facepalmed. "You still need everything drawn out for you, don't you?"

"But you told Chachamaru..."

"I know! But then I thought about it, and told myself, hell, if we're going to keep on waiting for you to give the first step, we're all going to die old maids! Just look at what I'm saying! I mean, just listen to it! Why must you drive me crazy like this? I'm making such a monumental idiot out of myself..."

"Chisame, you've never been an idiot..."

"Yes, I am," she bitterly said.

"No, you aren't!"

"Yes, I am," she sniffed. "Only an idiot would lack enough dignity... to do this..."

She drew in a very deep breath, then sprang up to wrap her arms around Negi's neck and mash her lips against his in a wild kiss.

"Can't say I have..." the flat chested, long legged and chocolate haired girl lazily walking at the back of the group yawned, carelessly crossing her arms behind her neck. "But I'm almost wishing I had. You really must be up to the galls in money, Sensei!" she whistled, looking all around her. "What, you a prince or sumthin'?"

He laughed. "Actually, Sanzenin-san, most of the money put into building this house came from Ayaka. I have... some family funds, but my mother holds most of those. It's not something I'm too interested into."

"Huh, so you married into rich, didn't you? Good move," the Sanzenin girl snickered. "But you shoulda changed your name to Yukihiro Springfield..."

A taller, very tomboyish girl with short reddish hair knocked her across the head. "Bite your tongue, idiot! Only you would be dumb enough to insult your teacher at his own home!"

The hit girl rubbed her head, then angrily spat. "Who ever told you to butt in, you cheap thug! I'm sick of your tryin' to bully me around!"

"Who you calling a thug, ya moron! I get much better grades than you, and I least I don't waste my time on—!"

"GIRLS!" still gently, yet rather sternly, Negi-sensei rasped back at them, stopping briefly. Stopping right behind him, Juliet also shot them an icy sharp stare.

Sanzenin and Barahime stopped their bickering almost immediately, lthough they continued whispering insults to each other all along the way.

"Stinkin' punk."

"Braindead jerk."

"Mike Tyson in a skirt."

"Dumbass."

They finally reached the hall where the old 3-A, or at least most of it, plus assorted allies and relatives, were finishing their preparations for the evening. "We're here!" Negi-sensei announced, right before being swarmed over by a large group of children of all sizes and colors. "Hey, hey! One at a time! One at a time, please!"

"Papa, Amaterasu was being mean to me!"

"Daddy, what did you bring me?"

"Dad, please don't go! I wanted you to stay tonight!"

"Father, Aunt Asuna and Aunt Ayaka were fighting again!"

Only one of the girlies went straight to one of the newcomers. The dark skinned child with and unusually large and round chest skipped over to the flat chested and tall, but otherwise very similar to her, teenager, and they embraced. "Cousin Midori..."

The always silent Tatsumiya Midori patted her younger cousin's head fondly.

Then the kid's eyes glinted. "How much did you bring me this time?"

Nodding, Midori pulled a lot of coins out of her pockets and poured them into the child's petite hands. The little girl sighed happily. Cousin Midori was always so generous, so unlike Mom...

The women, meanwhile, were taking turns craning their necks over their children and kissing Negi-sensei's forehead and cheeks lovingly. A few of the more daring ones even took chances to land pecks into his mouth.

Sanzenin chuckled, then turned to her nearest classmate and whispered into her ear, "See, Hanagata? Just like Mom told me... This place's full of perverted weirdos!"

The big breasted freckled girl with glasses in question looked back at her. "Then why are you here?"

Her classmate shrugged. "For the pay we were promised? I'd even look after the devil's kids. Plus, like I'd miss a chance to annoy the old woman anyway."

"You are a horrible person, Sanzenin Madoka..." Hanagata Miyuki deadpanned.

A few of the children looked at her then.

"Your name's Madoka?"

"We have an aunt named Madoka, too!"

"Yeah, I hear that a lot..." Sanzenin grumbled, muttering under her breath, "Why must I always be compared to an old hag I haven't even met just 'cause we happen to share a name..."

"You aren't as pretty as Aunt Madoka," a small redhaired boy opined.

"Not by any long shot," one of his half sisters agreed.

"Are those your legs, or are you walking on stilts?" one of the little girls asked.

"Arika-chan!" her mother and father scolded her at once.

A vein bulged on Madoka's forehead. Perhaps those were the devil's kids after all.

"YES, BOSS!" the Sugar Cartel cried as they launched into action...

It began with the phone calls.

Natsumi and Chizuru (anyone still remember her? Biggest breasts in the class, has a thing for leek suppositories?) were very polite people, and so dutifully blocked out what Ayaka said when she was on the phone. They usually didn't have to, but when someone starts talking on the phone for hours at a time, giggling and sighing, there are only so many possible explanations, and since the bill hadn't gone up significantly since she started, it probably wasn't a phone-sex line. Maybe. Probably. Possibly. With crazy rich people, anything was possible. Even Chizuru didn't want to think about hat time she was putting away laundry and came across a sheer spandex outfit with pictures of Negi in strategic areas, a cape, a amsk, and a disturbingly well-laden utility belt. She still didn't have the nerve to ask Ayaka about that.

But, we digress. The phone calls. Regardless of whether or not they actually listened, it was easy to make out a general tone to the conversation. Whoever was on the other line was apparently a lively talker, and seemed to be well-versed in a wise variety of diverse and interesting topics, from politics to how best to kill Stephenie Meyer. The calls always ranged from all tones, to highly intellectual discourses where Ayaka would talk for a great length of time before sitting back and listening for as long or longer, to random chatter than involved a lot of laughing and giggling, to quiet, melancholy moments that Chizuru and Natsumi always took as their cue to leave the room. There were unspoken rules to this room-mate thing (compiled in the product known as 'The Roomy Contract', By Joseph Stalin 'Pat McGroin' Tribianni and Chandler Murial Bing, available from Ermine Press), and Chizuru and Natsumi followed it diligently.

Kotaro, however, didn't, exempt as he was under the 'annoying relative/old school friend crashing indefinitely for humorous purposes clause' (Chapter 5, code 67, article 124).

"Hey, old lady, who were you talkin' to?" he asked, after several pointed looks at Ayaka wouldn't make her keep her voice down during his and Negi's Saturday morning session of watching "Jailbait Kamen SXTREME".

Ayaka gave him her usual annoyed look as she finally hung up, sniffing in her usual disapproval for Kotaro, though she favored Negi with a smile. "Oh, that as just Zazie-san. She suggested we go bowling later, since it had been some time, and that our class hasn't had any group bonding activities lately."

Everyone but Kotaro blinked.

"Zazie-san said all that?" Natsumi said, trying to fit her mind around such an impossible concept.

"Oh yes," Ayaka said, not seeming to notice their confusion. "In fact, she asked me to invite you all as well, Negi-sensei. She said she wanted to ask you about how her sister was doing?"

Negi blinked, recalling. "You know about her sister?" he said in confusion.

"Of course!" Ayaka declared. "Zazie's told me a lot about her, and I've even spoken to her once or twice. Apparently Eizaz-chan— that's the names of Zazie's sister— works as some kind of volunteer in troubled areas?"

"You've talked to her sister?" Negi said again, even more surprised.

"Of course! She even visited during the festival. Oh, but of course you didn't met. Zazie told me she was quite disappointed you weren't able to attend her circus performance, Negi-sensei. But considering the activities you were involved in, I perfectly understand. Oh, I really MUST take a shower, I've been sitting hear all morning."

She flounced off, humming pleasantly to herself as she headed for the shower.

"Huh," Kotaro said. "Wouldn't have pegged her the type. Hey, Natsumi-nee-chan, your show is on!"

As the credits for "Demonic Cannon Girl Musical Something-or-Other" came on, and Natsumi pretended to watch the show so that Kotaro wouldn't have to admit he liked a 'girl's' show, Negi frowned. "What do you mean by that, Kotaro-kun?"

"Huh? Oh, I just never figured the old Lady and that creepy quiet girl would hook up," he said, absorbed in the show.

"EHHHH?" Natsumi, Negi and even Chizuru cried out.

"Hey, keep it down, I'm trying to watch!" Kotaro complained.

"What are you talking about, Kotaro?" Natsumi said. "Iincho likes... someone else."

"Oh no, she and creepy-quiet girl definitely hooked up," Kotaro said. "Haruna-san has forced me to watch too much sappy romance anime for me not to be able to tell. The long talks on the phone, the sighing, reciting that weird poetry thing, and... I'm pretty sure she's not taking a bath." He rubbed his nose for emphasis.

"Huh?" Negi asked, confused.

"Ask Chisame," Natsumi said, silently praying Chisame wouldn't flay her for redirecting this her way.