All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

By the time Negi and his weary, gloomy companions finally got there, heads low and feet dragging along, the first thing they saw was the huge swarm of reporters camping around the Academy. As they managed to struggle their way through them, they saw the gigantic snake like dragon dead around the World Tree, with hordes and hordes of slain demons also spreaded across the campus.

Evangeline was sitting on the top of the dead dragon's head, having tea with Hakase, Satsuki, the twins, the cheerleaders, Ayaka, Zazie and Chizuru. "Oh, Boya!" she casually greeted. "Welcome back. I was starting to think you'd never come back. Literally."

"Negi-sensei!" With an agility she definitely never had before, Ayaka jumped down to ground level to go hug her teacher. "Oh, I missed you so much! Dear God, just look at yourself! You're covered in scars!"

"Kaede-neechan!" With similar uncanny speed, the twins practically flashed in front of Kaede, wrapping their arms around her. "You're back, waiiii!"

"Ow. Ow, ow, not so strongly! I still ache there!" Nagase had to complain.

"Natsumi, Kotaro-kun, you don't look so well," Chizuru had come down as well, brandishing a large onion leek apparently out of nowhere. "Have you been forgetting your home remedies?"

"Thanks, Chizu-nee, but we already had enough things stuffed down our asses lately," Kotaro rejected the offer.

"Wh-What happened here?-!" Asuna was bewildered. "What in the world...?"

"Well, while you were out, several things happened," Satsuki explained. "First of all..." she pulled a heavily gagged and tied Chigusa from under the tea table, "Amagasaki-san here showed up with a few demons claiming for revenge. Then a gentleman named Graff Herrmann came along as well as her backup, looking for you."

"And you survived that?" Asuna asked.

"Eva-chan had to tell us all about magic, and since you weren't here, we had to make Pactios with her to cope," Sakurako explained.

"I've told you not to call me that," Evangeline warned.

Chamo had a sudden nosebleed.

"Then things got really weird," Madoka added. "These two pretty boys and a girl naming themselves Septimum, Octavum and Novenum showed up, sputtering nonsense about being the cleanup crew for Mundus Vetus, and we had a really close call there, until your grandpa got serious and fought them along Albireo-san and your dad, Konoka! They were great, you should've seen them! And boy, your grandpa's really ripped off when he takes his shirt off!"

"What," Chisame said.

"Where does the giant dragon fit into this?" Yue asked.

"It isn't a dragon, but the Midgard Serpent," Evangeline dryly explained. "The Averrunci summoned it to swallow the World Tree down. It was a hard fight, I must admit it. Fortunately, we never lost anyone..."

After hearing that, a frying pan fell from above on the head of each Ala Alba member.

"And what did you do in your trip?" Misa asked.

"We... ran into some enemies as well," Negi said.

"They kicked our butts down hard, and they were about to trap us forever into a dream world when they just vanished in midair," Kotaro bitterly completed.

"Ah, yes. It must have happened when we killed the Lifemaker," Evangeline rubbed her chin. "His last words WERE he'd just collapse with everything and everyone affiliated to him, after all."

Ala Alba did a collective spit take. "YOU DID WHAT?-!-?-!"

"The Averrunci managed to complete a ritual to revive him... said 'the operation at Mundus Magicus' was only a decoy to dettract attention from their true goal. Apparently, not even that Fate boy knew it. It was very carefully staged," Eva mused. "The Lifemaker said his true goal was to destroy both worlds and remake them from scratch. It was then when Lingshen showed back up..."

"Chao was here?-!" Ku Fei gasped.

"But even with her along, we were falling short until your Dad and Mom came in as well, Negi-kun," Sakurako informed.

Negi's eyes became blank circles. "FATHER AND MOTHER!"

"Yeah, then your Dad spazzed out for a moment. When he came back, he said he was just slapping some sense into you, but that must have been just the heat of the moment affecting him," Madoka narrated. "Anyway, with him around, we began to turn the tide around, but it took Zazie-chan achieving her true form, opening a Hellmouth to her home up and slapping her Dad around to convince him to help us to finally get the upper hand."

"Father can be very stubborn," Zazie monotoned.

"And that's all," Misa happily completed.

"But where's Chao?-!" Ku despaired.

"She said she had to go back home quickly," Fumika answered.

"And... and Father and Mother?" Negi babbled.

"Something about a second honeymoon..." Ayaka reminisced.

"You should have seen it, Negi-sensei! It was great! Like the huge climax to an action manga!" Fuuka enthused.

"And we haven't even told you about Setsuna's sempais Motoko and Tsuruko showing up to help as well!" Sakurako piped in.

"Yeah, and Urashima-san's wife too! She sure packs a mean punch!" Madoka nodded.

"Onee-chan...?" Mei blinked helplessly.

Asuna was tugging on her pigtails. "Who... WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? I was supposed to be the heroine of this manga! They can't fix the big final battle off panel and without me! HEADS WILL ROLL OVER THIS!" She pulled her sword out and laughed madly. "AKAMATSU, YOUR ASS WILL BE MINE!"

"Asuna, you haven't improved your crass behavior at all! What a shame!" Ayaka chided her.

Negi was sobbing and hitting his head against the World Tree's trunk. "Father... Couldn't wait for me..."

Satsuki looked at Shiori. "By the way, why did you bring another Asuna?"

"And what..." Satomi kept her eyes fixed on the wrecked robot strapped on to Kotaro's back, "WHAT HAVE YOU ALLOWED TO HAPPEN TO CHACHAMARU!"

"HELL, YOU'RE RIGHT!!" Evangeline's pupils became crimson. "BOYAAAAAA!!!"

Chachamaru weakly waved a hand around. "Good afternoon, Master, Hakase-san."

Then the hand fell down, but Satsuki was kind enough to reattach it immediately.

Seems Fate didn't know his keyboard shortcuts.

Instead of simply hitting 'delete' after click-dragging around Jack Rakan's image, he'd hit 'ctrl-x', and left the 'ctrl-v' location up in the air entirely. And so the inestimable gods of chance had chosen to place the hero in a universe most suited to his posturing and grandstanding, a world where he might find a kindred spirit.

Aizen help us, every one of us.

Ichigo Kurosaki was feeling odd.

Not ill, you understand - it just wouldn't do at all for a protagonist to fall ill so early in the arc. Rather a sort of trepidation, mixed with anticipation. His friends - Chad, Orihime, that Ishida guy and Yoruichi - were standing slightly back from where he was. That place was Soul Society's gate (which had only narrowly missed crushing him as it fell from the skies... where it had apparently been all this time), the giant who was evidently the gatekeeper examining him. Was this going to be his first test, so soon after setting out?

A faint whistling sound, rather like the sound that a humanoid body makes when it flies through the air in fiction, was picked up by Yoruichi's ears, who perked them up, trying to find the source.

"It's been such a long time..."

It became louder, and now Chad was beginning to hear it too, alert for sneak attack as he was.

"Someone who tries to go through the Gate without a pass, will have to go through m-"

And there Jidanbo's part in this story ends for now. Rather depressing, but that is what happens when a legendarily indestructable lump of hero collides with your cranium at near terminal velocity. For his part, the impact threw the giant into the ground so hard that he was tossed onto his back, a sandstorm's worth of dust from the impact causing the giant to fall into indistiguishability. Fortunately, Ichigo had taken several steps back from the shapee in the dusty gloom, mostly to exchange baffled expressions with his friends.

Then, the dust slowly and gradually began to settle, and on the dirt-coated, unconcious figure of Jidanbo could be seen the shape of a man rising up and stretching, as if he'd just been shaken from his sleepy-time.

"Aaaah, that was a nice little nap..."

And then the clouds parted, and Jack Rakan, in all of his grinny, unpertubed glory stood there, resplendant in his gladiator uniform and facing down a very confused protagonist.

"Hey buddy, mind telling me whose airspace I just invaded?"