Buying drinks from SCP-294

A cup of a purple slush that tastes faintly of grapes. Drinkers reported between repeated requests for more Slurm that the beverage was incredibly addictive, and continued drinking it even when testing showed it to be made from [REDACTED]. All drinkers died of malnutrition, unable or unwilling to eat or drink anything other than Slurm.

A cup of the Collectors, please.

edited 28th Jun '10 3:18:48 PM by SullenFrog

Output: A cup of assorted bodily fluids, chitinous fragments, and metal and silicon shards. The genetic sequences of the bodily fluids matched no known lifeforms on earth, and apparently came from a number of individual organisms of a shared species.

Input: A cupcake in a cup, please...

edited 29th Jun '10 8:48:01 PM by CaptainNapalm

Output: One cup of cake batter. Reported to be "very nice" once cooked.

Request: 1,2,3 propantriol and nitric acid

Output: A cup of what is apparently nitroglycerin. Researchers and subjects were ordered to evacuate the testing area SCP-294 was located in while Class-D personnel were sent to neutralize the output with sodium hydroxide. Mercifully, the neutralization was completed without incident. Researchers have been ordered to arrange for proper handling procedures along with the prerequisite O-5 approval in advance of requests of substances that are known to pose safety hazards on pain of reassignment to Keter duty.

Input: A cup of 2channel...

Output: A milky, pinkish liquid. Test subjects developed an obsessive fascination with Japanese popular culture.

Input: A cup of destrucity.

Output: A clear-looking fluid, which upon consumption, forces the drinker to make a "skronk"ing noise while drinking.

Input: A cup of dinner

edited 2nd Jul '10 4:11:27 PM by WartysNeryon

Output: A rather purple concoction. When sampled by class-d personnel, the experienced a three course meal including turkey and mashed potatoes with gravy. However, once they reached the "desert" portion, they began to turn purple and slowly expand until [DATA EXPUNGED]

Note from Dr. Clef: Dear God, nobody drinks or requests that abomination again. Take the stuff to quarantine until we figure out how to dispose of it....

Request: A cup of knowledge pertaining to SCP-294.

edited 2nd Jul '10 9:52:18 PM by TheMightyAnonym

Output: SCP-294 displayed the "Out of Range" message.

Note: Self-serving bastard...

Request: A cup of the best water in the world.

Output: A cup of deionized water. Testing revealed a complete absence of impurities in the water.

Input: A cup of Mother Russia...

Output: A cup of Siberian snow that completely froze the mouths of test subjects, causing frostbite of the tongue and gums. Some researchers amused themselves by forcing D-class personnel to eat the snow and then stick their tongues to chilled metal poles. They have since been reassigned SCP-682 duty.

Input: A cup of upside down.

Output: A seemingly clear liquid. The D-Class personnel who had decided to input "upside down" into SCP-294 died upon consumption of the liquid. Autopsy revealed that the D-Class personnel's cause of death was ingestion of molten glass. Analysis of the cup dispensed reveals that the top layer of the liquid was composed of molten glass, as well as the sides of the cup. Inside the layer of molten glass was ordinary water.

Note: Euclid class, people. Euclid class.

Input: A cup of good literary devices.

Result: A clear fluid. The class-d subjects who consumed it became aware of several tropes; however, as they are almost entirely illiterate, we have no way of confirming it's effectiveness.

Request: A cup of eat-thru-anything acid.

a green liquid that kills you as soon as you drink it.

A Cup of Supreme King Jaden/Judai.

Result: A cup of black liquid confirmed to be ink.

Request: A cup of impossible.

Output: "Out of range"

Makes sense, considering it's impossible to obtain the impossible — Dr. Gears.

Input: None. Tester pressed the 'Enter' button without pressing anything else.

Output: An empty cup.

Request: A cup containing a liquid housing the spirit of the Shadow Queen...

edited 4th Jul '10 10:27:30 AM by CaptainNapalm

[EXPERIMENT HALTED]

Dr.Clef: Are you out of your mind?! We have enough SCP's as it is!

Request: A cup of righteousness.

Output: A white neon drink, thick and syrup like. When consumed in small sips, subjects had increased self-esteem, a sense of purpose, general high morale, and shows degrees of kindness and compassion (varyoing depending on the subject's beliefs) However, one subject had taken it in one gulp, and had began ranting about 'lesser beings', 'unworthy sinners' and showed massive hostilities to everyone. Three other subjects and a researcher wear injured before he was brought down.

Input: A cup of Ceramite

Output: A metallic fluid which upon consumption, the Class D Personnel becomes highly resistant to heat.

Request: A cup of Volvic Revive.

Output: A cup of clear liquid that comes out of a talking volcanao.

Request: A cup of Fanservice.

edited 6th Jul '10 5:00:48 AM by Demongodofchaos

Output: The cup sports a design of an unidentified anime character in an outfit resembling that of a Playboy Bunny. Upon drinking the coffee inside, you experience spontaneous sexual arousal.

Request: A beverage almost, but not entirely unlike tea.

Output: A brownish fluid that is mostly harmless, but the Class D personnel spit it out immediately, even complaining to the drink dispenser.

Request: A cup of Grog XD.

Result: A cup of what was once "grog", but is now very old vinegar.

Request: A cup of benevolence.

Output: A cup of sweetened tea, later identified to be Earl Grey. Consumption provides a small increase in endorphin levels and a profound urge to perform charitable acts.

Request: A cup of "excellent" hot chocolate.

Output: A cup of brown, but shiny liquid that practically makes you mouth all moist and filled with chocoltey goodness

Request: A cup of Tear Jerker.