Season Seven, Episode Twelve: Don't Be a Drag, Just Be a Queen

The scene opens up on the Tropers at the apartment, doing who knows what, when suddenly, Afterwards kicks down the door, screaming,

"GUYS HOLY FUCK"

King's Quest IV music stops.

"What is it, After?"

Edited by CustardAndPie on Jul 31st 2020 at 12:45:24 PM

Taco, mix-wirework on the apartment, falls down from an open ceiling-tile, hanging down like a bat in the apartment.

“This better be more important than fixing the cable.”

Knife is blasted out from the kitchen by an explosion. "Sorry, I was installing the dryer. What happened, After?"

"Knowing this show, it's probably not that important but it'll become important anyways."

The Canned Laughter Machine has a laughing fit.

"Ah, shut it!"

Edited by CustardAndPie on Jul 31st 2020 at 12:53:44 PM

"What happened!?!"

Tropes runs in from down the hallway wielding a fire extinguisher, just in case that's what prompted After's exclamation.

"It's infinitely more important than fixing the cable or installing a dryer in the kitchen for some weird reasion!" I exclaim.

"We're about to BE on cable!" I continue, holding out a flier I found on the street. "The drag race is in town, and they're recruiting!!!!"

The flier reads:

Mike Uchi and Chev Corvette's Double Reacharound Drag Race!

Starring Waluigi as a Super Special Celebrity Guest Judge!

Drag Queen Racers Wanted!

Taco falls from the ceiling in his excitement.

"YES!!!!!" Custard shouts as she immediately closes out of King's Quest IV, "I've always wanted to do drag!"

"Well where else am I supposed to put the dryer? The laundry room?" She takes a look at the flyer. "Woah, this looks fun! Doesn't look like I'll be doing it though. It does say drag QUEENS."

(Chey was reading a book called "What to Expect When You're an Expectant Alien" while Ford was searching on his Hitchhiker's Guide to see if there's an entry on how to be a good parent when they heard After.)
"Oh, smeg, a drag race! That ought to be a groovy time."

Edited by EeveeGirlChey on Jul 31st 2020 at 1:00:57 PM

"But this is America, shouldn't it be Drag Presidents?"

"You can apply as a king too! The judges do not discriminate. I've watched all 12 seasons of their show and the drag kings are some of the best ones."

"The gay scene still lives in feudal times, Tropes. There are no Drag Presidents."

Edited by Afterwards on Jul 31st 2020 at 11:01:45 AM

"Oh FUCK yeah. Where is it anyways? I'm guessing we bring our own equipment and costumes."

"Oh boy... literally!"

Tropes gets a wistful look in his eye as After says "all 12 seasons".

"It has the address on the bottom here. Auditions are gonna be open all weekend!"

"Aw, smeg yeah!"
"So, do we men just dress up as ladies?"
"Of course, that's what drag is! Since girls are allowed as well, who could I dress up as?"

Edited by EeveeGirlChey on Jul 31st 2020 at 1:12:19 PM

"Sweet! Let's go then!" Custard says, catching one of her wheels on the area rug in excitement, "Agh, Jobs damn it."

Edited by CustardAndPie on Jul 31st 2020 at 1:14:55 PM

Knife takes out a knife from her bladepack and cuts out the piece of the rug that Custard is stuck on. "Huh, this rug's a nice texture. I can use it in my outfit." She heads back towards her room to get stuff ready for her drag costume.

Upon hearing the news, Junon's busy ordering her drag outfit from Old Navy.

"Neat~"

"Damn, I need to buy one."

Playing arrives in a golf cart.

"There's a race? Best make sure I look fab."

"Yeah! Let's get ready and go!"

A few hours later, the Tropers arrive at the auditions venue, where various up-and-coming drag queens are milling about and preparing for their performances.

We cut to the Mushroom Kingdom, an ambiguous amount of time ago.

In the depths of a musty underground lair reeking of garlic and hate, a lanky purple fellow is glued to his television set. Waluigi watches copious amounts of television when there's nothing else for him to do - not so much because of the entertainment factor as its usefulness for keeping track of who is currently in the spotlight. How he envies all these talentless socialites, stealing attention from more deserving people. Like himself. And Waluigi. And the man in purple.

And there is nothing that has been attracting his envy lately more than this ridiculous Tropers: The Series aberration. Look at it, he gripes to himself. A bunch of babbling nerds, united via their shared use of some dumb nerd Internet message board, and yet somehow they are more beloved than Waluigi! Nothing has ever proven that the world is out to get Waluigi more than this, he fumes.

That goddamned tanuki is absolutely the worst of them. He dimly remembers when they were just some annoying hobo picking on Waluigi in the streets. It is a memory he clings to solely as evidence that, for all he is unappreciated, there are people out there in far worse states than Waluigi, and who deserve every second of it. And now they're on his television screen? Among the cast of a show beloved by thousands? It is pure mockery. When even this pathetic creature can succeed and Waluigi has not, something has gone wrong.

He needs to rectify this.

And so, a wicked, envious scheme starts to form in Waluigi's mind.