Harry Potter and the Ludicrously Illegal Blog
is a Harry Potter Modern AU Fic by the_sentient_duck.
Ten-year-old Harry Potter runs a modestly popular blog where he writes about his everyday life. While the Dursleys are still horrible to him, he has a light at the end of the tunnel in the form of hoping to open his own fish and chip shop someday. Things get somewhat complicated when he finds out that magic is real, but he's still got a dream to work towards and a blog to keep updated.
Meanwhile, the Muggle government is using his blog as a way to gather information about wizards because the Wizarding government couldn't be bothered to do something about it potentially breaking the Masquerade, Hermione's parents are Russian spies,
- Achievements in Ignorance: Despite the excessive amount of magic at Hogwarts preventing electronics from functioning there, Harry is able to continue updating his blog while at school because nobody told him so.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Katherine Deleon attempts to warn her boss that they should do something about Harry Potter's blog because it's a violation of the Statute of Secrecy and his posts indicate he's in an abusive household. The memo gets redirected to Dolores Umbridge due to some recent internal reorganization, who promptly fires her for violating protocol despite not having an opportunity to learn about the change yet. Furthermore, as Umbridge doesn't believe that Muggles can create an equivalent to Wizarding social media or that Harry isn't being cared for by a magical family, she sends a letter to St. Mungo's to have Deleon placed in their mental ward for spouting absurd claims.
- Humble Goal: Harry's ambition in life is to open his own fish and chip shop. His reasoning is that his uncle instilled in him that running your own business brings financial success and he wants to do something that will make people happy and less hungry.Harry: It doesn’t have to be anything grand. Just a small store, a few employees, and enough money to make me comfortable enough.
- Noodle Incident:
- The director of MI6 emails the Prime Minister to tell him they actually found Harry Potter, referencing a previous false alarm that ended with an agent firing a rocket launcher at the Greek embassy.
- Hermione mentions having called child protective services before for what ultimately turned out to be a false alarm in the second chapter.
- Social Services Does Not Exist:
- The Stations of the Canon: After Harry unintentionally sets the snake at the zoo loose with magic, he comments on how he got thrown in the cupboard under the stairs as punishment despite having pressured the Dursleys into moving him into Dudley's spare bedroom the previous year.
- Who Would Be Stupid Enough?: Umbridge comments that surely no one would have been dumb enough to place Harry under the care of abusive magic-denying muggles, with the unsaid implication being that Dumbledore was stupid enough to do so.
- Dumbledore posts on Reddit about his plan to bait Voldemort into confronting Harry over the Philosopher's Stone. The post gets taken down by a moderator for apparently breaking their rule against shitposts.
