Recap / It Feels More Like A Memory Chapter 2 Dear Theodosia

TL;DR: Aaron can't hold his daughter who gives him reason to engage politically, realizes he loves Alexander, and backs a failed abolition bill.

Canon equivalent: Covers "Dear Theodosia," and discusses events of "Alexander Hamilton." Gets a little farther in "Non-Stop" than the first chapter did.

Summary: Philip and Theodosia are born. Aaron wants a better world for his daughter. Aaron goes to Alexander's house, distraught over his inability to hold her glove-free without seeing her death. Alexander comforts him and Aaron realizes he loves Alexander. Later, Aaron reluctantly accepts a request to serve in the New York State Assembly with his daughter in mind, serving one term. Hyperaware of the influence he holds, he equivocates on everything except John Jay's abolition bill, which 1) he supports wholeheartedly and 2) fails. Aaron turns down an invitation to the Constitutional Convention, afraid of abusing his power, and Alexander accepts one.

Longer summary

Aaron's daughter, Theodosia, is born. He realizes he can't hold her without seeing her death. His wife, also named Theodosia, makes him thin gloves so he can hold his daughter without risk of the skin-to-skin contact that activates his death-seeing power. He confides in Alexander about that situation. Alexander tries to comfort him, mentioning building a new nation for Theodosia and his son, Philip. It makes Aaron feel restless about what he could be doing, wonder if this is how the always-writing Alexander feels, and ask Alexander why he's always writing. He says it's about building something that'll outlive him. Aaron says Alexander will have a legacy. Alexander hopefully notes the things Aaron says tend to come true, and speculates Aaron might have more power than he thinks he does, so Aaron says he'd be happier without his Seer power. Alexander tells him if he could spare Aaron his life by trading it with Alexander's, he'd do it, and Aaron realizes he loves Alexander.

Aaron reluctantly accepts a request to serve in the New York State Assembly, terrified of the way being the Seer may give him more influence than the others serving in the Assembly, but accepts thinking of what Alexander said about building a new nation for their children. Aaron keeps quiet or equivocates, only acting decisively on John Jay's abolition bill which he supports wholeheartedly. He adds an amendment for immediate abolition. Aaron thinks of how easy it would be to use his influence as the Seer and lie about a vision indicating slaves must be freed. He chooses not to, and lets the bill fail. He rejects an invitation to the Constitutional Convention, terrified of the influence he has and that he might abuse it to get what he wants like he was tempted to with the abolition bill, with the full support of his wife, despite his worries that he's giving up a chance to build a better world for his daughter. Alexander is chosen instead.

"dear theodosia" contains examples of:

• Adaptational Context Change: Many are mostly only changed in who they're directed at, and sometimes who they come from.
  • Alexander's reflections on death and his awful life is usually something he says to either the audience or himself, only opening up to Eliza about it in the musical. Here, he confides in Aaron about it too, since Aaron is a fellow orphan and in the fic Aaron too thinks of death constantly. Alexander confides in him with the following paragraph, which is a paraphrase of lyrics in "Hurricane," "Alexander Hamilton," "My Shot," "Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down)," and "The World Was Wide Enough," and "Helpless." This chapter does not take place in any of those songs, so it's definitely a context change from their original placement, and although the specific lines have the same meaning here they're also being used to comfort someone which they were never used for in the musical. Lyrics getting paraphrased are bolded, and notes detail where they come from.
    Alexander: I’ve never seemed to be able to die.^note "I couldn't seem to die" from "Hurricane" Not when my mother died^note "I was twelve when my mother died" from "Hurricane," "My father left, my mother died, I grew up buckwild" from "Helpless", not when the hurricane came^note "Then a hurricane came, devastation reigned" from "Alexander Hamilton", not when my cousin left me to fend for myself^note "The cousin committed suicide, left him with nothing but ruined pride" and "Alex, you gotta fend for yourself" in "Alexander Hamilton". Not during the war, even when people were falling left and right around me.^note may reference his repeat of "I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory" during the war in "Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down)" I’ve always been—ready, you know? I’ve imagined it so much it feels more like a memory^note "I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory" from "My Shot," "Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down)," "The World Was Wide Enough", in every possible way, in my sleep^note "I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory, when's it gonna get me? In my sleep? Seven feet ahead of me?" from "My Shot" or a bullet^note could be referring to "Seven feet ahead of me" in "My Shot" or "This is where it gets me, on my feet, the enemy ahead of me" if either had to do with dying in war to enemy bullets; or "I see it coming" where "it" refers to a bullet in "The World Was Wide Enough" or something dreary like sickness^note reference to Alexander and his mother getting sick, and his mother dies but he recovers, which is detailed in "Alexander Hamilton" or some sort of terrible accident—I never thought I’d live past twenty^note "I never thought I'd live past twenty, where I come from some get half as many" in "My Shot".
  • The musical has Alexander and Aaron sing part of "Dear Theodosia" together, but neither are actually addressing each other. Here, they also express love and a want to make a better world for their children, but this time they do it while interacting with each other. One instance of this is when Alexander comforts Aaron by telling him "We can build them a whole new world," which is a reference to "We'll build the world for you" from the musical, which Alexander and Aaron only direct at their children without interacting with each other.
  • "Why do you do it? Write like you're running out of time... How do you do it?" is a reference to "Why/How do you write like you're running out of time" from Non-Stop, which is something the ensemble and Aaron sing to Alexander, rhetorically, not expecting an answer. Here, Aaron asks Alexander that, this time expecting and receiving an answer: "I want to build something that outlives me," to not be forgotten and "maybe, that would—be enough." "I wanna build something that's gonna outlive me" is from "The Room Where It Happens" right after he's been telling Aaron he won't get anything if he wait, which isn't quite hostile but is still more confrontational than the context here where he thinks on and tries to answer his friend's question as best he can. "That would be enough" is usually used when Alexander's ambition makes him reach for more, often getting in the way of his family life. It's also used in two songs to comfort, when Eliza is reassuring him that his lack of money and status, his ambition not yet bearing fruit, doesn't bother her; and when Alexander comforts Eliza after Philip's death which happened because Alexander's ambition made him write a pamphlet that got him called a scoundrel, and such insults to Alexander are what made Philip go dueling. However, it's still always used alongside his ambition, his never being satisfied, and problems related to that; whereas here Alexander is still talking about ambition but mentions a condition under which he might actually be satisfied, where something might truly be enough for him.
  • Lines from "It's Quiet Uptown" where Alexander tries to comfort and empathize with Eliza, and ask for her forgiveness, get repurposed in this chapter when Alexander tries to comfort and empathize with Aaron. This time, the lines are not used to ask for forgiveness, and if it has anything to do with sharing personal tragedy it's about seeing death so much it feels more like a memory, not about having their children die before them. This chapter takes place before the events of "It's Quiet Uptown," so it's very much not Alexander echoing lines he's already said to Eliza offscreen, it's the fic echoing lines from the musical or Alexander echoing what Eliza's said to him since many of these lines are also seen in "That Would Be Enough," which involves Eliza trying to empathize and comfort Alexander.^note The lines are more likely intended to reference "It's Quiet Uptown," the only place where they use "Look at where we are" like the fic instead of "Look at where you are."
  • "If this child shares... a fragment of your mind" is from "That Would Be Enough," and it's pretty much the same comforting usage in this fic, except that Alexander says it to Aaron about his daughter Theodosia to comfort him about not being able to hold her instead of Eliza saying it to Alexander to comfort him about feeling like he's not (able to provide) enough for her.
  • "Best of wives and best of women" is lifted straight from Alexander Hamilton's real letters to his wife Eliza and put in the show, and in the fic Aaron feels the same way towards his wife Theodosia, thinking she's "the best wife, the best woman, that he could possibly ask for."
• all lowercase letters: Like every other chapter title of this fic, this chapter's title is in all lowercase letters.
• Call-Forward: Aaron sings "History obliterates in every picture it paints, it paints me and all my mistakes" in "The World Was Wide Enough" after shooting Hamilton. Here, he wonders "how history would paint him." This might seem like a tenuous connection, but several Hamilton songs deal with legacy and how future generations will perceive them and yet "The World Was Wide Enough" is the only one to use the metaphor of history painting, and the reader knows that Aaron Burr's legacy becomes "the man who shot Alexander Hamilton" after shooting him, so if Aaron does go through with shooting Alexander as shown in his vision, his question of how history will paint him is given an answer in the Hamilton song lyric that uses the same painting metaphor: it obliterates his good deeds and paints a picture showing only his flaws.
• If You Ever Do Anything To Hurt Him: Downplayed Trope, from Alexander, about his friend Aaron, to Aaron’s wife and daughter.
  Alexander: Tell both your Theodosias that I’ll be holding them personally responsible if you’re not in perfect shape when I get back.
• First-Name Basis: Aaron calls Alexander “Alex” for the first time in this chapter, showing how fondly Aaron has come to think of Alexander.
• Foreshadowing:
  • Alexander says "If I could spare you this life, trade it for my own, I'd do it in an instant" to Aaron. Alexander does not become the Seer, but Aaron's second lifetime has him in Hamilton's role: he's Washington's main aide, marries Eliza, goes to the Constitutional Convention...
  • In Aaron's third lifetime, Benjamin Franklin will elaborate on Alexander's observation that the things Aaron says have a habit of coming true, hypothesizing that Aaron unknowingly says things because they are true. Alexander's prediction that Aaron is more powerful than he thinks he is is true: right now, Aaron only knows of his death-seeing powers and rare flashes of insight. Aaron's experience of several lifetimes is connected to his Seer power. He will learn that he has a perfect memory for previous lifetimes, that he has the ability to see an animal's life if he touches it and thinks about his death, and of Franklin's hypothesis.
• Friendly Address Privileges: Alexander permits Aaron to use the nickname “Alex” for him.
  “Alex,” Aaron says.
  Alexander stares straight into into his eyes and Aaron can’t look away. “That’s the first time you’ve ever called me Alex,” he says.
  “Alexander—“ Aaron says.
  “It’s okay, I like it,” Alexander says.
• Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Following the convention of naming every chapter title after a Hamilton lyric, this chapter takes its title from the lyric “Dear Theodosia” from the song whose title is also "Dear Theodosia," which is about Alexander and Aaron's love for their offspring and how they promise to make the world a better place for them to grow up in. This chapter mostly focuses on that, Aaron loving Theodosia and wishing he could hold her, and Alexander comforting him with a story of how parental love changed him and that they can make a better world for their children now. Even the political bits involve Aaron choosing to participate or being tempted to use his influence because of how he wants to make the world better for his daughter.
• Love Epiphany: Aaron realizes he loves Alexander.
  Aaron: You are a hopeless romantic sap.
  Alexander: And you love it.
  Aaron is struck by how true that is. He does love it, he does love Hamilton, with his grand notions and furious ambitions and non-stop pace and the heart that he wears on his sleeve if you can see past the flurries of words and fits of passion he hides it behind.
• Meaningful Echo: "Aaron, will you promise me something? Don't ever do this to yourself again.” In both contexts, someone wants Aaron to avoid using his Seer power in a way that he himself disapproves of but would do anyways to benefit others. The original context is chapter 1, where a worried Alexander says that because Aaron shook all his soldiers' hands to try to glean military information from any war deaths^note having that information would let him make a better military move that either is a more decisive victory that ends the war faster, or loses less American lives, which played a role in him seeing death visions that made him collapse or almost throw up and fall over. What Alexander doesn't know is that Aaron did that despite feeling it would be "prostituting his gifts" "at the price of his own albeit twisted sense of morality and honesty," and "us[ing] his abilities to help them cheat." Now, Aaron expresses concern to his wife Theodosia that if he goes to the Constitutional Convention, he’ll be tempted to abuse his influence as the Seer and irrefutability on anything he says about the future in order to get what he wants (abolition, and possibly other political goals), but if he doesn't go he'll be passing up an opportunity to build a better world for his daughter. Her reply prompts Aaron to remember what Alexander said previously:
  “What about you?” Theodosia asks. “And whether or not you’ll ever be able to look her in the eye again. Aaron, don’t do this to yourself, don’t destroy yourself like this.”
  Aaron, will you promise me something? Don’t ever do this to yourself again.
  Aaron writes them back, turning down the invitation.
• Neutral No Longer: Aaron “keeps quiet, he is overly cautious, he is very careful not to show any leanings towards one side or another” during his time in the New York State Assembly until the abolition bill. He wholeheartedly supports that, taking a side instead of staying neutral.
• "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: The author's notes displayed at the end of the chapter have the author confirm the real-life Burr said "my friend Hamilton, whom I shot," supported John Jay's abolition bill, and added an immediate emancipation clause to that bill, likely because they could easily seem as if they were only added to the fic to make Burr more sympathetic and for drama. A chapter 3 comment by the author says they got the “my friend Hamilton, whom I shot” quote from the Chernow biography the musical was based on.
• Rewatch Bonus: “Aaron, will you promise me something? Don’t—don’t ever do this to yourself again.” from chapter 1 is pretty clearly meaningfully echoed in chapter chapter 2 and 14 when Aaron thinks of the first time it was said. What isn’t immediately obvious is that the chapter 2 echo is not word-for-word, it’s missing one of the “don’t”s^note chapter 2: “Aaron, will you promise me something? Don’t ever do this to yourself again.”, but the chapter 14 one is a word-for-word quote of the original in chapter 1. Even still, this can seem like a typo or paraphrase until you realize that Aaron has a perfect memory for his past lifetimes but not the current one. In Aaron’s first lifetime, Alexander says the quote (chapter 1) and Aaron misremembers it (chapter 2), and in Aaron’s second lifetime he perfectly remembers Alexander’s quote (chapter 14).
• Shown Their Work: The musical doesn't tell you that Aaron Burr served on the New York State Assembly, where he tried to get slavery abolished by supporting John Jay's emancipation bill and getting it amended to call for immediate abolition, but the fic does.
• The Stations of the Canon: Theodosia and Philip are born, and Hamilton is chosen for the Constitutional Convention.
• Titled After the Song: "Dear Theodosia" from the musical Hamilton.
• Title Drop: The fic title is titledropped when Alexander discusses death with Aaron and comforts him about being unable to hold his daughter. He explains his previous readiness for death before explaining how Philip chased those thoughts away:
  Alexander: I’ve imagined it so much it feels more like a memory, in every possible way, in my sleep or a bullet or something dreary like sickness or some sort of terrible accident—
• Screw the Rules, I Have Supernatural Powers!: Aaron is tempted to do this after the abolition bill is voted down, by lying and saying he saw something terrible and the slaves need to be freed to avert the nation coming to ruin, but decides not to, remembering what his grandfather told him, that Seers shouldn’t lie. Unbeknownst to him, it wouldn’t be a lie, his dream really was a vision, but it’s the spirit of the thing that counts.