Recap / It Feels More Like A Memory Chapter 3 The One Thing In Life

TL;DR: Alexander is mad Aaron's not politically forthcoming, but accepts it when Aaron confides that he's too dangerous to be so on account of his Seer influence and unverifiability in regards to the future. Then Aaron runs for Senate. (Because a Civil War dream reaffirmed his antislavery beliefs.)

Canon equivalent: Covers the rest of "Non-Stop” to “The Room Where It Happens.”

Summary: Aaron introspects and resolves again to not kill Alexander. He refuses Alexander’s request for his help writing anonymous essays in defense of the Constitution. They argue about this, with Aaron not telling Alexander he refused because slavery is written into the Constitution. The argument is resolved when Aaron confides in Alexander that he didn’t go to the Convention himself because his status as the Seer means he has a great deal of influence and nobody can contradict what he says about the future with authority, so it's a danger for him to be in office. Alexander almost kisses Aaron but Aaron stops him by reminding him of their wives. The Federalist papers are written, the Constitution is ratified, Alexander becomes Secretary of the Treasury, and does not take a break. Aaron dreams of the Civil War and the lead-up to it. It pushes him to run for Senate. He wins.

Longer summary

Aaron thinks of how he has or will outlive everyone he loves, and resolves to avoid killing Alexander. Alexander asks Aaron for help writing anonymous essays in defense of the Constitution. Aaron doesn't know what it consists of, so he has Alexander tell him about it first. Then Aaron refuses. Alexander asks if he supports the Constitution. Aaron doesn't, because slavery is written into it^note the Three-Fifths Compromise where slaves are counted as 3/5 of a person for calculating the amount of House of Representatives members each state gets, but tells Alexander he supports it before he can stop himself. This makes Alexander urge him to defend it. Aaron says he needs time to process since he wasn't at the Constitutional Convention and thus doesn't know the document too well. Alexander blames him for that, revealing he knows Aaron rejected his invitation to the Convention. Aaron gets angry and tries to kick him out, stopping when Alexander apologizes. He asks why Aaron threw away his chance to influence the nation^note through influencing the Constitution, so Aaron tells him he can't be in a position of power because he's dangerous: his Seer status means he has lots of influence, and on top of that nobody else can contradict him with any measure of authority about what he says about the future since nobody else has that power, meaning he could lie about the future in order to get his way with impunity. Alexander accepts this reason. He calls Aaron the best man he knows, tells him he's like poetry and his world wouldn't be the same without him, and they almost kiss before Aaron stops it by reminding Alexander about his wife.

The Federalist papers are written, the Constitution is ratified, Hamilton becomes Secretary of Treasury, Aaron becomes New York State Attorney General, and Alexander doesn't take a break. Aaron has a vivid dream of slaves watching a montage of events from the Civil War and the lead-up to it. He thinks it's not a vision since Seers don't develop extra powers as they age and he hasn't had dreams of the future before, but it reminds him how he feels slavery is wrong and compromise about it will tear apart the nation. This, the Constitution, nightmares about killing Alexander, and the fact he's been close to breaking for months push him to stop holding back and start pursuing what he believes the way everyone else can. He runs for Senate and wins.

"the one thing in life" contains examples of:

• Adaptational Context Change:
  • The fic directly quotes the verse from "Wait For It" that talks about Alexander not exhibiting restraint, except at the very end: "if there's a reason he seems to thrive when so few survive, then Goddamnit I'm willing to wait for it" is instead "if there's a reason—If there's a reason that Aaron kills him, well, it's far beyond what Aaron has the capacity to imagine." There's no jealousy of Alexander's success in the fic usage, although there's still bafflement at how Alexander succeeds without restraint. Instead, there's bafflement at how he could kill Alexander.
  • Aaron says "And I'm the damn fool that shot him" in "Alexander Hamilton" in the musical and says the same thing here in this fic if you replace "that" with "who." Both Aarons are saying something that happens far in the future, but that's Aaron acting as the narrator in the musical. In the fic, it's also part of his inner monologue, which is the closest thing to narration that's provided. However, in the fic, he thinks this not as Alexander is arriving in America on a boat, but before Alexander gets back from the Constitutional Convention in a thinking session that's equivalent to "Wait For It." Fic Aaron is thinking of how Alexander is his "closest, dearest friend" and says the line thinking of how much he dreads shooting Alexander, while musical Aaron's feelings when saying it are much more ambiguous.
  • In "Non-Stop" from the musical, "Do you support this Constitution?" from Alexander, "Of course" from Aaron, and Aaron's following refusals to write essays defending it is meant as a mark of his refusal to take a stand unless he thinks he'll come out on the winning side. In the fic, the exact same exchange happens but the meaning is completely different. Aaron doesn't support the Constitution because of the Three-Fifths Clause. He's not sure why he said "Of course" to Alexander, and can't put into words why he doesn't support the Constitution, so he still uses many of the musical refusals. However, it's not because he won't stand for what he believes, but because he won't defend things he doesn't believe in.
  • There's a very slight context change in "We studied and we fought and we killed for the notion of a nation we get to build" from "Non-Stop" in the musical. In both the musical and the fic, the line is said in an exchange where Alexander wants Aaron to defend the Constitution he claims to support and Aaron gives reasons not to do that, and Alexander chastises Aaron for standing to the side instead of taking action to shape the nation. In the musical, this is primarily about his refusals to defend the Constitution. In the fic, Aaron turned down an invitation to the Constitutional Convention, so when he asks for more time to learn about the Constitution before giving Alexander a decisive answer on if he'll help defend it, Alexander gets upset about him turning down this opportunity and says the quote. It's still rooted in Aaron not defending the Constitution, since that's why Alexander brought up Aaron's turning down the invitation and said the quote, but unlike the musical the quote also refers to Aaron turning down an opportunity to participate in the Constitutional Convention.
  • "I am the one thing in life I can control" from "Wait For It," was also sourced from Aaron Burr in the musical as well in the fic, and both times it's used as contrast with the uncontrollable death, love, Alexander, and life. However, it was never used in the musical to promise himself he'd choose not to shoot Alexander or when stopping Alexander from kissing him as it was in the fic. It was used in the musical when explaining his tendency to wait for the best opportunity.
  • "Say no to this," from "Say No To This," is used in the musical when Alexander is trying to say no to the temptation to have a sexual affair with Maria Reynolds, and when the ensemble sings it at him as he gives in. Here, Aaron thinks he'll "have a hard time saying no to this," "this" being spending time with Alexander that'll turn romantic or sexual. While they're married to other people, i.e. an affair. Aaron successfully says no to that.
  • In "The Election of 1800," Aaron and Jefferson run for president. Alexander endorses Jefferson over Aaron, saying Jefferson has beliefs and Aaron has none. Then Jefferson wins, with Madison telling Jefferson "you won in a landslide." Here, the quote is used when Aaron "wins in a landslide" against someone else, instead of losing to someone by a huge margin, and he runs primarily because of antislavery beliefs, counter to Alexander's claim in the musical in 1800 that he has no beliefs.^note Quote likely used for Original Flavor from the musical, and because this election is a big event in the deterioration of Alexander and Aaron's relationship, which eventually leads to Alexander endorsing Jefferson and thus the original use of the quote in the musical.
• Adaptational Heroism: Aaron runs against Alexander's father-in-law in both the musical and fic. In the musical it's implied to just be a power grab. In the fic, Aaron has anti-slavery beliefs that went unvoiced due to the above bullet point and a failed abolition bill under his belt. A very vivid and graphic dream of the lead-up to the Civil War and the war itself, where slaves watch the whole time, pushes him over the edge into running for Senate.
• all lowercase letters: Like every other chapter title of this fic, this chapter's title is in all lowercase letters.
• Almost Kiss: Alexander and Aaron, before Aaron cuts them off reminding Alexander about his wife.
• Blood on the Debate Floor: Part of Aaron's Civil War nightmare. He sees a politician beating another with a cane on the Senate floor. This is the real-life slaveholder Preston Brooks caning the abolitionist Charles Sumner in retaliation for his anti-slavery speech that also criticized Brooks' Senator relative.
• Character Filibuster: Alexander fills Aaron in on the events of the Constitutional Convention, talking for at least four hours, maybe five, making up for Aaron missing out on his six-hour speech at the Convention mentioned in the musical.
• Conspicuously Public Assassination: Part of Aaron’s Civil War dream. He sees a president get shot in the back of the head. This is President Abraham Lincoln, shot in a crowded theatre.
• Dramatic Irony: Aaron thinks his dream of what the readers know is the Civil War and the real historical events leading up to it is just a dream and not a vision. He even talks about the possibility of passing off the dream as a vision.
• Dreaming of Things to Come: Aaron's dream of the Civil War and the lead-up to it.
• Dropping the Bombshell: Aaron hopes Alexander doesn't know he turned down an invitation to the Constitutional Convention in chapter 2. In this chapter, he wants time to learn about the Constitution before giving Alexander a decisive answer on if he'll defend it, since Alexander just presented it to him. Alexander reveals he knows:
  Aaron: You’ve had four months to think about this document and argue each point and you know it inside and out, please remember that I haven’t.
  Alexander: And whose fault is that?
  Aaron: Excuse me?
  Alexander: You turned down the invitation to be there. Philip Schuyler told me.
• Externally Validated Prophecy: Though Aaron doesn't know it's a prophecy and not a dream, the reader knows his dream of is a vision that comes true because it matches up with the real-life events of the Civil War and the lead-up to it.
• Foreshadowing: After Aaron stops Alexander from kissing him, he says "In another lifetime" "like a promise," and in Aaron's second lifetime he does indeed get romantically and sexually involved with Alexander Hamilton.
• Get Out!: After Alexander condemns Aaron's turning down the invitation to the Constitutional Convention and thus a chance to influence the direction of the new nation, Aaron angrily tells him "Get out" once and "Get out of my house" twice. Alexander apologizes, so Aaron doesn't continue trying to make him leave.
• Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Following the convention of naming every chapter title after a Hamilton lyric, this chapter takes its title from the line "I am the one thing in life I can control" from "Wait For It." The chapter is full of titledrops of the entire line and thus the chapter title, when Aaron chooses to control himself instead of pursuing what he wants right now, which is the tendency he describes in "Wait For It."
• Ironic Echo: Alexander and Aaron have just stopped fighting and started hugging. Then Alexander starts touching Aaron’s face and saying romantically-charged things.
  How did they flip from being at each other’s throats to…being at each other’s throats so quickly?
• Landslide Election: Aaron runs for Senate “and he wins in a landslide.”
• Meaningful Echo:
  • Aaron reflects that “love doesn’t discriminate,” and he loves people who have or will die before he does, including Alexander. Later, when he and Alexander hug and Alexander calls him the best man he knows, Aaron thinks “love doesn’t discriminate” again in this romantically-charged moment between two men, who have opposing approaches to life (wait, don't speak beliefs/charge ahead, expound at length on beliefs), who just stopped arguing, and who both have a wife and offspring, in the late 1700s.
  • Not completely the same, but a section of text in chapter 1 is very similar to one in this chapter that is quoted below. If you open all the notes and ignore the bold text, you'll see exactly what the chapter 1 text is.
    But Aaron also doesn’t need to be a seer to know that if he lets Alexander stay over, he’ll have a hard time ever saying no to him again, he’ll have a hard time saying no to this, he can already picture the^note  late nights that will start with^note be spent in lighthearted conversation or somewhat more heated debate or Alexander hunched over a desk^note table scrawling while candles burn low while^note and Aaron fetches them both tea and a small plate of biscuits—nights that will end far less innocently than they began^note , and it feels so real that for a moment Aaron thinks it is, thinks that it’s another vision instead of him just longing, longing, longing for it to be real.
  • "I am not standing still, I am lying in wait" is Aaron explaining why he seems so quiet and neutral, because he's a person who waits to capitalize upon the perfect opportunity, in "Wait For It" from the musical. "And he's so. tired. of lying in wait" refers to Aaron getting sick of not acting on his political beliefs and wanting to act now.
• Murder in the Family: Part of Aaron’s Civil War dream. Soldiers fought and sometimes killed family members fighting for the other side. In a later chapter^note chapter 19, Aaron specifically makes mention of “brothers fighting brothers”, and “families being torn apart” when describing this dream.
• Neutral No Longer: Aaron usually equivocates, stays neutral, and tries to stay out of politics. but a Civil War dream that reaffirms his antislavery beliefs pushes him to throw his hat in the ring and campaign for an actual political position.
  And he’s so. tired. of lying in wait. He’s only a human, he can only take so much before he breaks, and he’s been this close to breaking for months… this is something that he believes, that he believes as a person: that slavery is wrong, that slaves should not just be free but should have equal rights, and hell, while they were at it, that women should have equal rights and equal education and the ability to vote. Everyone else gets to talk about what they believe, everyone else gets to pursue what they believe, everyone else has the opportunity to run for office and legislate what they believe.
  Hamilton will get his legacy. Why shouldn’t Aaron?
  He runs for the Senate.
  And he wins in a landslide.
• Nightmare Sequence: Aaron dreams of a graphic montage of the Civil War and the events leading up to it with slaves watching the whole time.
• Opinion-Changing Dream: The Civil War dream doesn’t change his opinion on slavery being wrong or that it’ll tear apart the country, but it does change his opinion on not running for office.
• Real Event, Fictional Cause: Real Aaron Burr ran for New York Senate and defeated Alexander's father-in-law Philip Schuyler, but not because of a Seer vision he had of the Civil War.
• Seduction-Proof Marriage: Aaron is Happily Married to Theodosia and rejects Alexander's advances in this chapter. However, this is a Downplayed Trope because he was actually tempted to kiss Alexander, and he only cites Eliza as why he rejects him, not mentioning Theodosia.
• Shown Their Work: The musical doesn’t tell you George Clinton asked Aaron to be New York State Attorney General, and he accepted, but the fic does.
• The Stations of the Canon: Alexander appears in the middle of the night at Aaron's house to ask for help with essays defending the Constitution, Aaron rejects him, the Federalist Papers are written in which Alexander writes 51 of them, Alexander becomes Secretary of Treasury, Alexander doesn't take a break upstate with his family, and Aaron runs for Senate and wins.
• Title Drop: The chapter title (and the full line of which the title was taken from) is titledropped seven times, for each time Aaron thinks "I am the one thing in life I can control" in the chapter. He thinks it when he resolves to just control himself and choose not to shoot Alexander, and when Alexander is saying romantically-charged things and about to kiss him: they’re both married men.