Follow TV Tropes

Following

Recap / Clarksons Farm S 2 E 3 Schmoozing

Go To

Faced with Council powers that be, Jeremy uses two of his greatest skills: diplomacy and respect for red tape.
— Synopsis
Despite wanting Alan to start work on converting the lambing barn into a restaurant, Clarkson needs to receive approval from the planning authority. He and Charlie meet with Joan from the West Oxfordshire Council, for a meeting that lasts more than an hour, along with other representatives from economic development and other departments. After the meeting, Clarkson and Charlie discuss how to proceed, as well as the chief concerns from her end; Charlie suggests engaging with the Chadlington locals, an idea which Clarkson chuckles at.

Knowing the strained relationship between Clarkson and the locals in Chadlington thanks to the farm shop's popularity causing significant road congestion, Clarkson launches Operation Hearts and Minds in an attempt to sway their opinions about him. While donating half of his wildflower seeds to a horticultural organization, Clarkson decides to hold some back and donate those to the village as well. He drops £250 worth of seed off with the chairman of trustees to the Chadlington memorial hall, and then sets off to prepare for his next gesture: sponsoring the local soccer team. Kaleb, Clarkson and Lisa watch a match between Chadlington FC and Chadlington Reserves; a decent turnout to watch the event is present, along with Gerald and his brother. At halftime, Gerald gives Clarkson and the others a tour of the clubhouse, where they discover that Gerald used to play soccer with the team.

As the game continues, nobody is able to agree on what the scores were; the game ends with a 6-1 victory to Chadlington FC. With Clarkson continuing his attempt at swaying the locals's views of him, Charlie prepares a restaurant planning application for submission to the West Oxfordshire District Council, as well as informing numerous different parties about the plans for the restaurant. Back at the farm, Dilwyn pays a visit to Clarkson to worm, microchip and vaccinate his two pet Labradors; leaving Dilwyn to his work, Clarkson works to begin cultivating next year's crops, showing off the new Weaving Shortdisc cultivator he would be using, having been "cruelly mocked" by viewers due to the size of his old cultivator.

Clarkson attempts to set off to cultivate the crops but thanks to the cultivator's size, Clarkson's tractor cannot handle the weight and lifts off the ground. Kaleb shows up and tells Clarkson that he should have put a front weight on his tractor, and they work to attach the weight. With the weight now fitted, Clarkson sets off to the field to begin cultivating. Clarkson continues to cultivate until his tractor begins lifting off the ground again due to an emptying fuel tank messing up the weight balance; Clarkson decides to halt all cultivation and refuel before things get worse, but struggles to get out of the field due to gradients causing his vehicle to lift off the ground. As he attempts to exit the field, Clarkson nearly crashes his tractor into a passing Volkswagen Touareg; Kaleb just so happens to pass by, with Clarkson loading him into the front weight as a last-ditch measure to keep his tractor on the ground as he returns to refuel the tractor.

The next day, Clarkson is in the office and is distressed; despite his attempts to win over the locals, Clarkson was still receiving a steady stream of complaints from the villagers, as well as their objections to the shop. With Kaleb in the office, Clarkson reads the letters and continues to find numerous complaints, as well as a "Stop Diddly Squat" crowdfunding petition started by one of the locals; Kaleb complains that he would like to meet some of these people "who spend their entire day writing letters". Cognizant of the fact that word had gotten out about the farm's management applying for permission for a restaurant, Clarkson organizes a question-and-answer session with the locals at the memorial hall to address their concerns and answer their questions.

The next day, the word of the meeting had spread about Chadlington, with more complaints still flowing in. Clarkson decides to take the bull by the horns and begin setting up for the session with the locals, preparing refreshments for them. A crowd soon gathers around the memorial hall; the film crew leave the hall on the locals's insistence due to their objection to being filmed, although they do leave Clarkson's microphone hot to record the audio. Clarkson answers all the questions and remarks thrown at him by the locals; Charlie and Kaleb stand outside, pressing their ears against the windows of the hall to eavesdrop on the meeting while laughing at Clarkson's analogies and the locals's jabs at Clarkson. By the end of the meeting, the tone had improved significantly, with Clarkson satisfied with how the meeting had gone; some locals share this opinion as well.

The next day, as he had promised to the locals, Clarkson gets about tidying up the front façade and carparks of the farm shop; he calls Lisa to help him out due to Clarkson being incredibly busy that day. After a bit of bickering, Lisa gets to work tidying up the messes in the carparks. Clarkson drives a telehandler around to assist Kaleb, Dilwyn and the others "with the endless list of jobs that farming throws at you"; at any opportunity Clarkson was free, Charlie took the opportunity to inform Clarkson about income, net margins or other things. By now, word of Diddly Squat's plans had reached beyond the Cotswords, with opinions from the locals being aired on national radio.

Overwhelmed by what is going on, Clarkson heads to the fields to cultivate the crops and destress. As he cultivates the crops, he hits a telegraph pole and exits the tractor to inspect the damage; he is shocked to find out that the hit has caused significant damage to the cultivator. Kaleb arrives to inspect the damage, with Kaleb stating that Clarkson had messed up big time. Charlie arrives shortly after, sharing Kaleb's opinion, with Kaleb adding that he has essentially written off the machine. To add insult to injury, Charlie informs Clarkson that technically the machine wasn't theirs and that it was only a demonstrator unit and that a new one would set him back £20,000, much to his distress.

The next day, Clarkson is forced to reuse the old cultivator, having written off the new one; after cultivation was finished, Clarkson uses a seed drill to plant the crops. All crops were planted a few days later, and the two celebrate with beer. Clarkson then invites Charlie over for a meeting over lunch, having finally finished the restaurant application; as they discuss, Charlie is excited for the prospects of the restaurant and shows Clarkson the business plan for the restaurant, as well as stating that the restaurant could be used to fill the gap left behind by losing £82,000 worth of subsidies due to Brexit. Charlie subsequently gets ready to submit the application to the West Oxfordshire District Council; as he does that, Clarkson turns his attention back to the cows, who were facing a deadly threat every night: bovine tuberculosis.


Tropes featured in the episode:

  • Black Comedy: Clarkson jokingly mentions his intent to install a surface-to-air missile battery to shoot down flying planes circling over his farm.
  • Hidden Depths: Gerald played with the Chadlington soccer team in the past.
  • Oh, Crap!: When Clarkson finds out he broke the large cultivator.
  • Planet of Steves: Clarkson jokingly names every member of the soccer team "Cooper".

Top