- The combat historians are often sources of very funny helpings of ham.
- (From the battle of Telamon): "HEY LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY BIG BARBARIAN PENIS! I'M HERE TO KILL YOU!!!"
- From the Battle of Troy, Aryeh Nusbacher falls to his knees while watching from the railing, begging for the generals to take command. "Don't ask him ask a question! Tell him what to do! Please! Tell him what to do! Please! Tell him! What! To do!"
- A reconnaissance mission with 8 Hunnic scouts degenerates into a ancient Roman Benny Hill sketch.
- From the Battle of Stamford Bridge, the Eagers kids had some hilarious moments:"But Muuuuum, I'm fighting Berserkers!""They're not exactly Marilyn Monroe, are they?"
- The team of vicars who commanded the Battle of Teutoburg Forest, incidentally one of the best teams, also had a few gems.
- "And it doesn't take the brains of an Archbishop to figure out that you will be a captain".
- "Boudicca, known as 'Bou' to her friends"...
- From the Watling Street episode"You're just as dead with a pitchfork in your face as a sword""If they try to use the testudo in this battle it's going to be really, really, stupid."Soon after, "Oh my god, they've formed the testudo."
- When the players get Alexander killed during The Battle of Gaugamela, the experts calmly mention that being dead is a bit of a hitch if Alexander plans to rule Persia and be considered the "King of Kings"
- In the very first episode, Battle of Trebia an exchange amongst the players:"Is Hannibal one of these horses?""No, he's a person."
- "Jo? Stop moaning."
- From the Battle of Zama both teams start the main battle by choosing a defensive strategy.
Funny / Time Commanders